Do you discourage or prohibit quirky behavior in young kids?

[Ginevra]

I'm mulling over some issues regarding children's' behavior and I am undecided on this point. Do you forbid, or at least discourage your child if they take to doing or wearing some odd thing? Or do you just figure it will work itself out?

 

By quirky, I mean doing something unusual. i don't mean a "style" that peers wear, but some unusual thing the kid just has a proclivity for. Say, if the kid wore swim goggles every day, or say if they always wore mismatched shoes. Something like that. Or if they took to saying a word or phrase only they comprehend.

 

This isn't pertinent to anything my own kids are doing; I'm just wondering from a standpoint of good parenting psychology.

[katilac]

Say, if the kid wore swim goggles every day, or say if they always wore mismatched shoes.  

 

That's pretty much every home schooler I have ever met. 

[Ethel Mertz]

I always figure it will work itself off. I figure there are more critical issues in parenting than forbidding my kid from doing something quirky. Now, if said child is being rude with his/her quirky behavior, then that is another story and we have a discussion about it.

[Wilma]

My best self lets it go. Or, depending on the age of the kid, gently points out that people might think it funny/odd to do that out and about, but let the kid make the decision.

 

I have a gal who wears her shoes on the wrong feet a good 80% of the time. She has some schema for putting them on and it results in backwards shoes. It makes her maybe slightly clumsy, but whatever. The (only) part that bothers me about it is that people - random people - will walk by this girl and say, "your shoes are on the wrong feet" and carry on their way. She sweetly replies, "it's okay, they're my feet," if the busybody is there long enough to answer.

[EKS]

I would, on occasion, not allow my kids to do something just because it was weird.  When they asked why they couldn't do whatever it was, I would say "because it's weird."  

 

ETA:  I have a pretty high tolerance for "weird" (if you knew me IRL, you'd understand why!).  But more frequently, I'd tell my kids not to do something because "it's not the done thing" or to do something because "it is the done thing."  Unfortunately, at this point their childhoods are a blur in my mind and I can't remember and specific instances of saying this other than that I said it over and over.

[catz]

In those cases, probably not really.  My dd especially had some weird clothing phases.  She wears socks that don't match all the time. My 13 year old son only wants to wear athletic pants for the most part.  I do have conversations about how things are perceived and how some things are not appropriate all the time.  Like I would not let my son wear athletic pants to a wedding or a funeral.  I don't allow rude behavoir either.  I guess I don't really see why the rest of the world would care what kids wear or what their quirks are. 

 

As kids age, they're more apt to be sensitive to cues from peers and things do tend to work themselves out.  And honestly, I'd rather have a kid more comfortable in his/her own skin than constantly trying to blend into the crowd.  I was raised more to "blend in" and I think that was not helpful to me in the long run.  I spent WAY too much time worrying about what other people thought about me.

[OneStepAtATime]

I guess that would depend on the nature of the behavior/habit.  Is it harmful to others?  Would it severely impede the child's ability to function?  Negatively impact their health?  Is it a sign of possible underlying issues that need to be addressed through a professional?  Otherwise, I wouldn't be concerned.

 

FWIW, for a long time when I was a kid I would wear a stuffed animal on my shoulder.  I was still doing it at 13 when I flew to Texas to visit relatives.  It sat on my shoulder the whole flight, except for when I used it to cheer up the little girl in the next aisle who was terrified of flying (I put on an impromptu silent puppet show to distract her).  Mom and Dad never made me stop.  I just stopped on my own eventually.  I was not allowed to take it to school since school rules prevented it, but other than that they really didn't interfere.  It was a little leopard and it draped over my shoulder quite comfortably.  

 

When I went to camp each year (2 weeks away girl scout camp) I would take my toothbrush that made music.  I didn't use it as a toothbrush anymore (it was for toddlers) but I liked the music.  At first sometimes kids thought it was a bit weird but after a day or two they all came to expect it and we would create songs and dance moves based on the music the toothbrush would play.  It was fun.  It was quirky.  Mostly the kids thought it was quirky/cool not quirky weird and it didn't hurt a thing.  I actually made a couple of really awesome camp friends because of that toothbrush.  Parents did not force me to leave it at home.  Worked out fine.

 

But again, this depends on the individual situation.  Some other kid carrying their toddler tooth brush around might be doing this because they are severely insecure and need help.  They might get made fun of mercilessly and end up with even more insecurities.  KWIM?

 

Really interesting question, Quill....   :)

[Joker]

No. My 12.5 year old dd, who is 5'5" and 110 lbs, still carries her favorite stuffed animal almost everywhere we go. I did tell her others might find it odd but she doesn't care. Sometimes she gets an odd look but either she doesn't notice or she just completely ignores it. She started ps last year in middle school and has made many friends and is doing well. She just has this one quirky thing and if it doesn't bother her then I don't let it bother me.

[Miss Peregrine]

We let it go. They make for entertaining family stories later.

[justasque]

Depends on the setting.  

Weddings and funerals, I get to choose what you wear, increasingly turning this responsibility over to you as you get older but still with plenty of consultation and ultimate veto power.

Similarly, situations or events with expectations regarding dress and behavior are handled on an individual basis.  We try to be aware of others' sensitivities, beliefs, resources, and concerns, even if there are not explicit rules, keeping the focus on peace and kindness to others without being a slave to beliefs we don't share or overly suppressing our innate traits.  As an example, we put away toy guns if parents prefer it, or avoid introducing kids to games involving (pretend) magic if their parents would not approve.  

Events like homeschool playgroup, or visiting friends - no problem, wear what you want, be quirky if you want, though I may give a kid a heads up if their appearance may have repercussions they may not have anticipated.

 

Rudeness, or purposely making others uncomfortable, etc. are obviously discouraged.

In return, we love our quirky friends.  We try to create an atmosphere in our home that is comfortable to quirky kids.   They help us see things in very different ways.  They are the creative artists in our midsts, and our lives are richer for knowing them.

[Laura Corin]

It depends whether it is conscious or unconscious.  If it's unconscious and would make others uncomfortable, I'd gently point it out and help the child to desist.  If it's conscious: up to them to decide whether to deal with any reactions they might get.  The only exception might be a formal event, when I would talk about showing respect by conventional behaviour.

 

L

[Dory]

It depends on the age of the kid. Usually I don't address it directly though but will add in some chats about dressing for the occasion, or some verbal etiquette. I have noticed a lot of homeschooled kids in this area that seem to have no idea how to dress themselves.

It's awesome that they are just comfortable with whatever, and that they were never made to feel like they aren't good enough unless they wear the right thing, but I'm big on the concept that first impressions mean something and that if you are going somewhere you need to dress to match the occasion.

If we are just picking up groceries or hanging out with friends, then they can dress however they feel like so long as it's not indecent. If we are are going to some class, or a major get together, church, or something like that, I want them to know how to put themselves together in a way that looks good.

 

That's going to mean something different for each kid though. What my oldest dresses like is nothing like what my youngest dresses like.

[helena]

I wore petticoats and combat boots (together) in high school... so my kids wanting to wear capes out seemed like a great idea to me. :) My kids are older now and they both have a nice sense of style. It all worked out. We had some good laughs then and now and it was always in the spirit of imagination and adventure.

 

Doing odd things... well that depends.  Both of my daughters have Tourette's soooo that's plenty of "quirky" and perfectly normal for TS.

I never wanted my kids to do and say things that were odd in a weird way. Like "Ugh, homeschooling makes my kid think everything they do and say is great and fine and clever" (not that odd behavior is exclusive to homeschoolers obviously.) 

I categorize it under social graces. Our behavior shouldn't alienate ourselves or others. 

 

Of course my whole family is quirky.  :lol:  It's all about balance, right?? :tongue_smilie:

[texasmama]

This would depend on the age of the child and the setting in which the behavior was exhibited.  I do believe that it is good to give information about social expectations and then, to some degree, allow kids to make their own choices.  I would forbid wearing swim goggles to our co op classes.  I would allow kids to wear swim goggles around the house as long as the goggles did not impede vision and cause other issues like running into things and dropping and breaking things.

 

With kids who have mental health or developmental issues (an anxiety disorder or ASD), I would be more proactive and involved with "quirky" and "odd" behaviors and habits because they are a manifestation of the underlying disorder.

[J-rap]

Usually we'd let it go, apart from the obvious things like if it's rude or unkind, or not appropriate for the occasion.  If we were just out running errands, I'd probably make sure they had on matching shoes but I wouldn't mind if they had mismatched socks or a backwards shirt.

 

I will say that if it's such an odd behavior -- even if it isn't hurting anyone -- that I feel it's just setting them up to be teased or made fun of, then I would work with them about not doing it anymore.

 

But, I've never been about "fitting in" so it has nothing to do with that.

 

 

[Guest]

As kids age, they're more apt to be sensitive to cues from peers and things do tend to work themselves out. And honestly, I'd rather have a kid more comfortable in his/her own skin than constantly trying to blend into the crowd. I was raised more to "blend in" and I think that was not helpful to me in the long run. I spent WAY too much time worrying about what other people thought about me.

 

That is a really good point I hadn't considered.

[Arcadia]

If it affects others then yes. For example my older flaps his hands (stim), if he might hit someone nearby, he has to make an effort to stop. It has gotten better with age.

A 8 year old boy we know likes to run on top of tables during class time sometimes with classmates books and pencils boxes still on the tables. The teacher and aide have to stop him even if that behaviour might be okay at his home.

[Ellie]

I'm mulling over some issues regarding children's' behavior and I am undecided on this point. Do you forbid, or at least discourage your child if they take to doing or wearing some odd thing? Or do you just figure it will work itself out?

 

By quirky, I mean doing something unusual. i don't mean a "style" that peers wear, but some unusual thing the kid just has a proclivity for. Say, if the kid wore swim goggles every day, or say if they always wore mismatched shoes. Something like that. Or if they took to saying a word or phrase only they comprehend.

 

This isn't pertinent to anything my own kids are doing; I'm just wondering from a standpoint of good parenting psychology.

 

 

Swim goggles out of the house? No. Mismatched shoes out of the house? No. It is my job as a parent to teach my children things that are socially acceptable. Wearing swim goggles when one is not swimming, or mismatched shoes, are not socially acceptable behavior (and no, I don't care whether it is a trendy style, either). I would probably correct a word or phrase, as well.

 

I didn't allow my dc to take special toys out of the house, or a special blanket, either. Perhaps I'm a meany, but I'm ok with that.

 

[Cera]

I let it go as long as it isn't hurting them or anyone else.  The exception is in certain settings I require that they curb it (christmas pictures, family work event, etc).

[Garga]

I very nervously let it go. I was the ostracized kid in school and I was different and quirky. It really hurt my feelings to be ostracized and I never could figure out how to fit in. So, when my kids do something that is clearly different or quirky I worry, worry, worry that they'll be ostracized and go through the pain I went through.

 

I tell them, "Wearing the fez might be considered weird. If kids give you a hard time about it, you can bring it to me and I'll put it away." My son wears his fez everywhere except for Sunday morning services. But if it's a church dinner or other function, or we're out shopping, etc, he's in the fez. (It's a Doctor Who thing.) So far it seems to be ok. The other kids seem to be accepting of him. But I do worry. He's 12 and his public schooled friends might soon be less accepting--it's that middle school age where anyone different is "bad."

 

As another poster said, he also does wear his Tom Baker Doctor Scarf out whenever he feels like it, summer included.

 

Basically I've told them I was a weird kid and people didn't like me. I point out when something might be considered weird. I give them a way out if they start getting teased (bring it to me and I'll put it away in my bag), and then let them decide what to do with the information.

[fraidycat]

I'm mulling over some issues regarding children's' behavior and I am undecided on this point. Do you forbid, or at least discourage your child if they take to doing or wearing some odd thing? Or do you just figure it will work itself out?

 

By quirky, I mean doing something unusual. i don't mean a "style" that peers wear, but some unusual thing the kid just has a proclivity for. Say, if the kid wore swim goggles every day, or say if they always wore mismatched shoes. Something like that. Or if they took to saying a word or phrase only they comprehend.

 

This isn't pertinent to anything my own kids are doing; I'm just wondering from a standpoint of good parenting psychology.

Mismatched shoes and/or socks. Check. This us my DD. I let her be her.

 

DS has a word or two that are "his". Again, I let him be him. We actually call it [DSname]ese.

[Plink]

Quirky and trendy are so closely related.  Is that word going to catch on?  Are the swim goggles going to become the latest trend in weird-things-preteens-wear?  Who knows until you try it.  Someone had to start the trend of poodle skirts, bellbottoms, and legwarmers.  I'm sure those kids' moms thought that they looked like an idiot the first time they walked out of the house - and now the trend is so well known that they define an era.

 

I have bigger battles to pick with my kids than clothing, so unless they are headed to a meeting with the Queen of England, I will pretty much let them do as they wish.

 

I firmly believe that if you aren't a little bit quirky, you are boring.  Who wants to have boring friends?

[Mrs Mungo]

It depends. Only when it is super annoying.

[kewb]

I usually have a discussion about potential hazards of engaging in whatever behavior may be questionable but ultimately leave it up to the child. I am a big proponent of letting one's freak flag fly.

[Baseball mom]

Unless it is going to hurt someone I pretty much ignore it. Pick my battles thing.

 

I have a friend whose children have their own style. I love that they are comfortable in their own skin. I never was as a teen and spent so much time worrying what others thought. (still do for the most part)

[Jean in Newcastle]

I prefer to encourage young kids to be themselves.  Even my Aspie.  I also encourage him to understand cultural norms but to break those norms if he wants to and it doesn't hurt anyone.  And I encourage my NT child to be accepting of others even when they are quirky.

[Chelli]

I have super quirky kids, but I like that about them.

 

I don't tell them not to do something or wear something because it's weird. I do warn them that others might find it strange so they might be teased for it. I do that to prepare them for what might happen so they have some strategies to deal with it.

 

As an example, Grace LOVES dolls, especially her American Girl dolls. She brings one of them to worship services with her every Sunday morning. I allow it as long as she doesn't play with the doll during services. One Sunday an older lady in our church confronted her and told her that she's too old to bring dolls to church and too old to play with dolls anymore period. It really shook Grace up being called out for something like that. My dh is the preacher so we have to be careful how we handle things, but this had both of us so hot that the very next Sunday morning every one in our family carried an American Girl doll to church!

On the other hand, I had a teenage girl in our church pull me aside and tell me how much she loves that my kids are quirky. They all have their own crazy sense of style and varied interests. She told me that she would love to be like that and not care what other people think of her. She felt that it was a HUGE benefit of homeschooling them that they could develop who they are and what they like without being told it was weird or strange.

 

So ultimately I think being quirky or weird is a good thing as long as the person is happy and they aren't harming themselves or anyone else.

[Mommyof4ks]

I do not curb their quirkiness, but they naturally start to let go of those things as they get older. My dd wore her Cinderella dress and Snow White shoes to the store for over a year, but then she stopped, because it was no longer fun. She is now a teen, and she is quirky, but she seems to be liked, so I am leaving it alone.

[Desert Strawberry]

I treasure those little quirks because they are gone so quickly. I'm so happy that my children have the freedom to be quirky and not fear ridicule. 

 

The exceptions are hygiene issues, communication difficulties, practical considerations (I did not allow jewel encrusted high heels for my four year old boy because they were ill-suited for summer time play. We settled on pink water shoes with rainbow swirls), or socially unacceptable behavior like touching one's privates in public. Swim goggles, super hero capes, sparkly shoes on the wrong feet? Go for it.

[Ausmumof3]

Functional stuff like wearing odd shoes I'd discourage. And I banned swim goggles except for swimming because I was sick of replacing broken ones. Stuff that's just cosmetic depends on how much time I have to deal with it and how out of place it will seem. I think picking on your kids for being weird makes them more likely to pick on others for it.

[Halftime Hope]

My younger two have both been very comfortable in their own skin in public, whereas eldest is not that people-oriented (people are a added nuisance.)  LOL--the engineer brain at its best. 

 

Because the younger two engage with and love others really well, their unique styles tended to be trendsetters in the circles they ran in.  They would especially start verbal trends, although dd started clothing trends, too, as she dresses bit on the bohemian side.  Ds, the youngest actively tried to start word trends; it's a source of amusement to him.

 

All that to say, if a child is quirky, they can get by with it quite well if they understand the value of being a good friend to people.  I learned that from my kids.  :hurray: 

 

P.S. the younger two are in my avatar, wearing very conventional clothes on an "occasion."

 

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

I let my little boy walk on tip-toes with his arms gracefully above his head and "buree" (not sure how to spell it) down the side walk while cars drove slowly by. (Little Einsteins phase.) I let my little boy go through the store using his arm as a trunk and responded to "Mama Giraffe" with "yes, Baby Elephant?" I let my little boy wear the exact same costume t-shirt I made him for Halloween every day for two weeks. Yes, even to church. I've let my boys leave the house as super heroes and knights. As long as they are appropriately dressed for the weather, and are polite and considerate of others, they are free to be as "weird" as they want. I do not understand squashing their individuality. Isn't that one of the benefits of homeschooling? My son told a new group of kids how much he loves rainbows, and about the differences between purple and indigo and violet, because no one has told him rainbows are a "girl thing" and not a "boy thing."

[Anne in CA]

IME all quirky is not equal. I have three very quirky children. When the older two are quirky people of their own age do EVERYTHING POSSIBLE to distance themselves from the weirdness. When the youngest is quirky girls her own age copy her. The first time I noticed this she was three. I was going to the bank and told her to change from her play clothes. She asked to keep wearing them since we were just going to the bank (close to home) and right back, so I thought, why not? When we were at the bank another little girl her own age told her mother, "When we go home I need to make a paper crown and we need to get my rain boots out." My dd was wearing a paper crown she had made herself and rain boots even though it was a not July day. The little girl's mother did not say, "how silly, do not copy the other girl who doesn't know it's not raining," she said, "sure sweetie." 

 

Now this same dd is a vegetarian, she goes to school with mostly cattle rancher's children. But she is not an outcast in spite of the fact that she does not believe in killing animals for food. If one of my other children was this, "quirky", they would be an outcast. 

[TranquilMind]

I'm mulling over some issues regarding children's' behavior and I am undecided on this point. Do you forbid, or at least discourage your child if they take to doing or wearing some odd thing? Or do you just figure it will work itself out?

 

By quirky, I mean doing something unusual. i don't mean a "style" that peers wear, but some unusual thing the kid just has a proclivity for. Say, if the kid wore swim goggles every day, or say if they always wore mismatched shoes. Something like that. Or if they took to saying a word or phrase only they comprehend.

 

This isn't pertinent to anything my own kids are doing; I'm just wondering from a standpoint of good parenting psychology.

Well, I discourage odd stuff that will make my kids targets, like the sort of stuff you describe.  So, call me crazy...

 

I'm raising kids (well, mostly done now) who are prepared for the world, so they need to know how to act.  Yes, I'm old and cranky.  ;)

[Nart]

I have a 7 and a 5 year old. The oldest would love to wear a uniform everyday if he could. He loves to conform and wants to know if something is out of sorts. He insists on checking his hair before we leave the house, his clothes have to match and be a certain style, and is sensitive if anyone says anything to him about his appearance or behavior. I would give him  a heads up if I thought he was wearing or doing something odd because he is so sensitive. My 5 year old, on the other hand, loves to be a trend setter. He started wearing cowboy boots, a cowboy hat, a tie, and a cape to preschool and soon several other kids wanted to wear the same outfit. I had a couple of parents ask me where I got the boots and hat. He will put together random things to wear, wear different socks, etc. I don't tell him anything or forbid him from wearing anything as long as we aren't going somewhere where it would be disruptive. 

[MiMi 4under3]

If I knew how to post pictured, I'd show everybody the one where DD(then 8) was wearing a skirt as a shirt, leg-warmers for sleeves,  and a winter hat with 3 headbands over it. :huh: Yes, I let her leave the house like that. Not worth the fight.

 

[Desert Strawberry]

Coming back after reading the other responses. 

 

I am a unique individual. I don't fit in. I don't want to be like everyone else. I want to be myself. I want my children to value their own individuality. I want them to have the courage to be who they are.

 

If a kid is being unkind, that kid is wrong and should be corrected. If a group of children are singling one out and mistreating him/her, that group needs guidance, supervision and instruction. If none of that is possible, I would remove my child. I am enraged at the thought that we should teach our children to cower in fear of being ostracized for dressing "wrong" or being different. Enraged.

 

If my children learn nothing else in the years that they are with me, I hope that learn that oppression is intolerable-of themselves or others-and that compassion is to expected always-from themselves and for themselves. I hope they have the skills to identify these situations and intervene appropriately.

 

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I don't see how wearing swim goggles is such a big deal.  Though if you mean actually over their eyes I think they would get tired of it pretty quickly because I've never found it that comfortable.  And it would limit vision.  Ditto with the mismatched shoes.  I could see that becoming uncomfortable very quickly.  If we were going somewhere that required a lot of walking and it could result in a turned ankle, then I would ask them to wear specific shoes for health and safety reasons.  

[SKL]

There are times to let your freak flag fly, and times to stay under the radar.  LOL.  I think it's good for kids to know how adults decide stuff like that.  ;)

 

Miss A likes to wear her too-small princess dress-up shoes when we go to restaurants.  She is getting close to 8yo, and it's really not cute in public any more, even though she is petite.  So the last time she tried wearing them out in public, I said no.  She just laughed and kicked them off.

 

She doesn't know this yet, but I bought her some real heelie shoes for her birthday.  ;)

[Jennifer132]

My son with hfa wore a red backpack filled with magic treehouse books organized by number and guide for about a year. He wore it at the table, at Awanas, the doctors, everywhere. He was obsessed with magic treehouse, and if I remember right, the main character also wore a red backpack. Eventually he stopped wearing it. He was 5/6 at the time. I would allow a quirky behavior as long as it wasn't inappropriate or rude and as long as he wasn't being teased, or if he was being teased, didn't mind it. If he was being teased, I would have a talk with him because I would want him to know where the teasing was stemming from.

 

Eta: I do think there comes an age where kids should be more self aware and perhaps certain quirky behaviors should be prohibited. We know a family who has a 14 year old girl who has no qualms about sucking her thumb in public. She and her sisters also never brush their hair, so it's always a tangled mess. The parents are quite well kept. I just think some kids may need a bit more guidance from adults in certain areas.

[texasmama]

My son with hfa wore a red backpack filled with magic treehouse books organized by number and guide for about a year. He wore it at the table, at Awanas, the doctors, everywhere. He was obsessed with magic treehouse, and if I remember right, the main character also wore a red backpack. Eventually he stopped wearing it. He was 5/6 at the time. I would allow a quirky behavior as long as it wasn't inappropriate or rude and as long as he wasn't being teased, or if he was being teased, didn't mind it. If he was being teased, I would have a talk with him because I would want him to know where the teasing was stemming from.

I would allow this at that age, as well.

 

A friend has a 15 year old transitioning to public school this year from a small, private school.  He is on the spectrum.  He wanted to wear a gorilla mask to 10th grade orientation.  She told him that he might want to rethink that because that would make a statement that he wants a lot of attention and if he didn't want to send that message, he might not want to wear the mask.  He left it in the car.

 

That is the sort of thing I am talking about, giving kids information and allowing them to make choices. 

[Desert Strawberry]

And yes, of course we should teach our children to dress appropriately for the occasion, as well as all the other necessary social skills. But a little kid-or even an older one-who chooses to express his or her individuality is just fine IMO. 

 

Our poor kids are being crushed by peer pressure and as parents we have to be sure we aren't assisting with the crushing.

[Farrar]

I've been trying to encourage that kind of stuff for years. And it keeps not really taking. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'd be beyond delighted if my kids came up with wearing swim goggles all the time. But alas. Ds is in a soccer tee and sweats right now. Other ds is in his Apple Camp shirt and khaki shorts. There was a brief hopeful period where ds wore a tutu every day and carried a lime green spatula everywhere, but he grew out of it.

[lmrich]

My youngest wore a crown every day of her life from the ages of 2 - 5. 

 

My son at 2 1/2 - 4 loved throwing things to get stuck in a tree and then would spend an hour getting them unstuck. Once during his nap I surpirsed him with a 4 of his plastic golf club stuck in a tree. 

 

My middle one decided to wear her brother's Winnie the Pooh Pajama top upside down and backwards for three weeks straight including Easter (luckily she took it off when she wore her pretty dress that granny bought her for church).

 

My kids are as normal as any other kid out there. I still think my youngest now almost 13 would like to wear a crown. 

[Χά�ων]

I'm mulling over some issues regarding children's' behavior and I am undecided on this point. Do you forbid, or at least discourage your child if they take to doing or wearing some odd thing? Or do you just figure it will work itself out?

 

By quirky, I mean doing something unusual. i don't mean a "style" that peers wear, but some unusual thing the kid just has a proclivity for. Say, if the kid wore swim goggles every day, or say if they always wore mismatched shoes. Something like that. Or if they took to saying a word or phrase only they comprehend.

 

This isn't pertinent to anything my own kids are doing; I'm just wondering from a standpoint of good parenting psychology.

Well, my son never wore matching shoes. He still doesn't wear matching socks. He needs the same shoes and since he has looong skinny feet and needs a special and expensive shoe he is limited to one pair at a time.

 

He spent the better part of 2 years (age 5-7) wearing a costume or a variation of said costume.

 

He has had the most unique hair styles even by the most liberal standards.

 

It doesn't bother me.

[fraidycat]

I adore my 12 year old DD's outfit today.

 

Black t-shirt with orange and purple Hallowe'en scene on it. White skirt with different shades of blue Tardises all over it. LOUD bright geometric patterned leggings with yellow, orange, burgundy, teal, black and white. Zebra socks. She wore this all to school with her teal Converse hightops,

 

Nothing matches any conventional "boring" style. But, neither does she. :-) Believe it or not, she is in middle school and she gets complimented on her wacky outfits. Maybe she'll be a trend setter.

 

I did insist on clean, combed hair, brushed teeth, and deodorant. That is the battle I choose. Hygiene.

[Joker]

Well, my son never wore matching shoes. He still doesn't wear matching socks. He needs the same shoes and since he has looong skinny feet and needs a special and expensive shoe he is limited to one pair at a time.

 

He spent the better part of 2 years (age 5-7) wearing a costume or a variation of said costume.

 

He has had the most unique hair styles even by the most liberal standards.

 

It doesn't bother me.

 

When I read this, I was reminded that my dds do not ever wear matching socks. None of the girls seem to here, and arguing about matching socks is just not something I'm going to do.

 

Another quirky thing is that oldest dd never wears dress shoes. When she goes to school events (banquets, homecoming), she wears a beautiful dress and matching Converse. She's usually the only girl doing so but it's what she likes and most of her peers find it 'cool'.

[Jenny in Florida]

Eh, I would have been surprised if my kids weren't quirky.

 

My daughter went through a phase in which she wore very colorful mis-matched knee socks with her skirts. This was before there was a whole business based on the concept. She definitely drew attention for that little bit of quirkiness.

 

At around age 11, my son began wearing a three-piece suit with dress shirt, tie and fedora everywhere he went. In Florida. During the summer.

 

To me, those were just outward manifestations of their inherent internal quirkinesses. In fact, my son was able to explain to me that he had figured out that people were likely to notice and stare at him no matter what he did. At least distracting them with his wardrobe allowed him to get some control over the situation.

 

My approach was always to point out to the kid in question that making these choices would likely draw attention, some of which might not be flattering or pleasant. If the kid was comfortable with that, so was I. 

[marbel]

This would depend on the age of the child and the setting in which the behavior was exhibited.  I do believe that it is good to give information about social expectations and then, to some degree, allow kids to make their own choices.  I would forbid wearing swim goggles to our co op classes.  I would allow kids to wear swim goggles around the house as long as the goggles did not impede vision and cause other issues like running into things and dropping and breaking things.

 

With kids who have mental health or developmental issues (an anxiety disorder or ASD), I would be more proactive and involved with "quirky" and "odd" behaviors and habits because they are a manifestation of the underlying disorder.

 

This is what I was thinking.    My kids do have some quirky things but one is borderline ASD and does have anxiety so we are careful about that. There may have been some things we allowed that we shouldn't have, when that child was younger and we did not know what was going on.  Hindsight and all that, but if I had to do it over I would probably be a little more careful.

 

I would not allow mismatched shoes or shoes on the wrong feet.   Well, if someone had, say, two pairs of converse or keds in different colors and mixed them up that would be OK.  But not shoes of different heel heights.    Mismatched socks?  That is common around here.    I also wouldn't want things like swim goggles in a coop or classroom situation because of the possible distraction.

[texasmama]

I don't know if this is still the case, but older dd always wore mismatched socks in high school because it was a thing.