Question, especially if you are a non-Christian religion or agnostic or atheist

[Ginevra]

If you are in this category, and you live in the US (or another place where “Christian” is the dominant faith system), how do you navigate this or disclose this when you meet new people? So, what I notice is this: a lot of people who strongly identify with their Christian faith seem to assume that others will be the same way…or else they are quick to “make a statement” of some type that notifies others that they are a Christian. But they do this notification as if they assume surely everyone else is too. 
 

I just wonder what people who have a different faith system - Jewish, say, or Muslim - or who do not ascribe to any faith system usually do when this happens. Does the person “make a statement” in return? Say nothing? Change the subject? Is it better to get this out of the way early in a developing interaction? Or wait until some unignorable thing happens? 
 

 

[KSera]

9 minutes ago, Quill said:

If you are in this category, and you live in the US (or another place where “Christian” is the dominant faith system), how do you navigate this or disclose this when you meet new people? So, what I notice is this: a lot of people who strongly identify with their Christian faith seem to assume that others will be the same way…or else they are quick to “make a statement” of some type that notifies others that they are a Christian. But they do this notification as if they assume surely everyone else is too. 
 

I just wonder what people who have a different faith system - Jewish, say, or Muslim - or who do not ascribe to any faith system usually do when this happens. Does the person “make a statement” in return? Say nothing? Change the subject? Is it better to get this out of the way early in a developing interaction? Or wait until some unignorable thing happens? 
 

 

I’m not your target audience for the question, but I wanted to say that this must be regional in the US, because this isn’t common around me. I live in a relatively low church attendance area as well as an area with a variety of non Christian faiths being common as well, and I think people don’t tend to assume anything around here when it comes to that. I’ve had a similar dynamic happen with people assuming a political persuasion, and they can be awkward. I try to say something to distance myself from whatever they said in that case. Not sure they always pick up the hint, though. 

[Ceilingfan]

I just say "oh neat, I've been to a (insert denomination) service before, it was very (insert positive descriptor - peaceful, beautiful, welcoming, etc)"

This signals acceptance and positivity while also (by omission, which most people read correctly) signalling that I don't attend a church.

[Ceilingfan]

I grew up in the bible belt, where if you spend the night on Saturday you're going to church on Sunday, so I've been to a service of most common denominations (at least most that are common here). 

[Ceilingfan]

Sometimes people will then ask directly, and I just say I'm not religious. It's never been a problem.

[AngieC]

It depends, if the person is coming across as a judgmental in their declaration of religious beliefs, I would probably say nothing at the time and just not pursue that potential friendship.

If the person just mentioned their religion in passing but didn’t otherwise seem like they would care about my non-religious views, I would still probably say nothing at the time, but carry on as usual.

Typically, I say “I’m not religious “ when directly asked about my views or when it makes sense in conversation. However, I don’t counter someone telling me about their beliefs with the fact that I don’t share those beliefs. 
 

[Guest]

8 minutes ago, KSera said:

I’m not your target audience for the question, but I wanted to say that this must be regional in the US, because this isn’t common around me. I live in a relatively low church attendance area as well as an area with a variety of non Christian faiths being common as well, and I think people don’t tend to assume anything around here when it comes to that. I’ve had a similar dynamic happen with people assuming a political persuasion, and they can be awkward. I try to say something to distance myself from whatever they said in that case. Not sure they always pick up the hint, though. 

I think it is assumed by my demographic. There is a lot of diversity here, and one is as likely to meet a Jewish person, or a Muslim person, or an atheist, or a something-else, as a Christian, BUT in my demographic, Christian is usually assumed. 

[GracieJane]

What sort of statement are they making? Like „praise God we bought a new house“? Or „we‘ll keep you in our prayers“?

[fraidycat]

26 minutes ago, KSera said:

I’m not your target audience for the question, but I wanted to say that this must be regional in the US, because this isn’t common around me. I live in a relatively low church attendance area as well as an area with a variety of non Christian faiths being common as well, and I think people don’t tend to assume anything around here when it comes to that. I’ve had a similar dynamic happen with people assuming a political persuasion, and they can be awkward. I try to say something to distance myself from whatever they said in that case. Not sure they always pick up the hint, though. 

In my experience, it is a regional thing. When I lived in AZ, I don't think I was ever asked about church or religion. In NC, it was assumed we went to (or should go to) church - "and what church do you belong to?". In MN, it was more of a "if you're looking for a church, let me know". In ND, it was never a topic that came up, and in CA, different religions (or lack thereof) were a topic of conversation at homeschool park day - because it was an inclusive group from atheist to LDS to conservative Christian so we discussed interesting things and learned from each other, but it was never assumed that religion was even a part of a person's life.

 

Edit since I forgot to answer the original question: It depends. I know that's really not helpful. But it really depends on the statement being made, the nature of the relationship, or how much the other person making the statement is going to factor into my or my family's life.

Passing stranger making small talk would be ignore and change subject.

Someone I am obligated to work or serve with (like on a board of some sort), I might also make my views known just to avoid drama in the future.

Someone who will be a long term part of my or my kids' lives (in-laws or something), I would engage in conversation to head off misunderstandings and assumptions.

Edited January 16, 2022 by fraidycat

[Guest]

4 minutes ago, GracieJane said:

What sort of statement are they making? Like „praise God we bought a new house“? Or „we‘ll keep you in our prayers“?

Something like that, though sometimes more specific than that. So more like, “…and the house was not even for sale but I prayed that, if God willed us to have the house, He would make a way…and then, out of the blue my cousin tells me that is her grandmas house, and grandma is moving into an assisted living this July, so, voila! Answered prayer!” 
 

Or particularly when it comes to illnesses, it bothers me a ton. Like God is deciding who dies of Covid and who gets better and goes home. 

[Frances]

5 minutes ago, fraidycat said:

In my experience, it is a regional thing. When I lived in AZ, I don't think I was ever asked about church or religion. In NC, it was assumed we went to (or should go to) church - "and what church do you belong to?". In MN, it was more of a "if you're looking for a church, let me know". In ND, it was never a topic that came up, and in CA, different religions (or lack thereof) were a topic of conversation at homeschool park day - because it was an inclusive group from atheist to LDS to conservative Christian so we discussed interesting things and learned from each other, but it was never assumed that religion was even a part of a person's life.

I agree. I’ve lived in five states in the east, west, and Midwest and it’s never come up.

[gardenmom5]

43 minutes ago, Quill said:

If you are in this category, and you live in the US (or another place where “Christian” is the dominant faith system), how do you navigate this or disclose this when you meet new people? So, what I notice is this: a lot of people who strongly identify with their Christian faith seem to assume that others will be the same way…or else they are quick to “make a statement” of some type that notifies others that they are a Christian. But they do this notification as if they assume surely everyone else is too. 
 

I just wonder what people who have a different faith system - Jewish, say, or Muslim - or who do not ascribe to any faith system usually do when this happens. Does the person “make a statement” in return? Say nothing? Change the subject? Is it better to get this out of the way early in a developing interaction? Or wait until some unignorable thing happens? 
 

 

I think you also need to consider what PART of the country someone lives in.  I know there are parts of the country if you belong to the "wrong" Christian faith - you'll get blowback.

I'm in a very diverse area.  Assumptions aren't particularly bright.   (e.g. I've learned to NEVER ask someone if they're Russian. - dh's niece's dh is from Eastern Ukraine, where they learned Russian in school. Now they're teaching German -  Asking if they're eastern european is safe.)

[Frances]

2 minutes ago, Quill said:

Something like that, though sometimes more specific than that. So more like, “…and the house was not even for sale but I prayed that, if God willed us to have the house, He would make a way…and then, out of the blue my cousin tells me that is her grandmas house, and grandma is moving into an assisted living this July, so, voila! Answered prayer!” 
 

Or particularly when it comes to illnesses, it bothers me a ton. Like God is deciding who dies of Covid and who gets better and goes home. 

For me, I guess it’s the same as when people do the same thing on this board. I just ignore it. I mean if they are asking for prayers, I will send positive thoughts. But I basically just ignore posts where they think God made something happen or not happen and they are praising him for it.

[EKS]

The only time I ever noticed something like this happening is when we were involved in a homeschool community where there were lots of Christians.  I just said nothing (we are Jewish/agnostic) unless something specific came up, which was rare.

[hippymamato3]

59 minutes ago, Quill said:

If you are in this category, and you live in the US (or another place where “Christian” is the dominant faith system), how do you navigate this or disclose this when you meet new people? So, what I notice is this: a lot of people who strongly identify with their Christian faith seem to assume that others will be the same way…or else they are quick to “make a statement” of some type that notifies others that they are a Christian. But they do this notification as if they assume surely everyone else is too. 
 

I just wonder what people who have a different faith system - Jewish, say, or Muslim - or who do not ascribe to any faith system usually do when this happens. Does the person “make a statement” in return? Say nothing? Change the subject? Is it better to get this out of the way early in a developing interaction? Or wait until some unignorable thing happens? 
 

 

I've lived in the northeast my entire life and have really never seen this to be a question or statement made at all. 

[Guest]

1 minute ago, hippymamato3 said:

I've lived in the northeast my entire life and have really never seen this to be a question or statement made at all. 

Lucky. 
 

 

[Selkie]

I'm non-religious and live in the midwest. That scenario has never happened to me before. People here generally don't talk about religion at all, in my experience.

[Guest]

I also had a phone interaction with a client who was moving in that direction, and (really and for real) there was an interruption on my end of the phone and I said I had to go abruptly. And I was sort of grateful for the interruption because it was getting weird, but I also felt a little badly for her, going out on that limb, only to have me abruptly end the conversation. But really I just wish she had never made it a God thing at all; why do we need to go there? Let’s just talk about settlements and leave God out of it. 

[Guest]

1 minute ago, Selkie said:

I'm non-religious and live in the midwest. That scenario has never happened to me before. People here generally don't talk about religion at all, in my experience.

So would that thing I just said about the client on the phone never happen? Like, you would never be talking to a client about a law suit settlement and have them begin to say something like, “I believe God is still on the throne and has guided me through this every step of the way…blah, blah, blah Jesus did this and God did that…”? 
 

I mean I think that client probably won’t ever do that again *now*, because I got off the phone that way and she may think perhaps she came on too strong. Kinda hoping so, actually. 

[Selkie]

2 minutes ago, Quill said:

So would that thing I just said about the client on the phone never happen? Like, you would never be talking to a client about a law suit settlement and have them begin to say something like, “I believe God is still on the throne and has guided me through this every step of the way…blah, blah, blah Jesus did this and God did that…”? 
 

I mean I think that client probably won’t ever do that again *now*, because I got off the phone that way and she may think perhaps she came on too strong. Kinda hoping so, actually. 

That would definitely be unusual here. I've never heard anyone talk that way.

[Frances]

21 minutes ago, Quill said:

So would that thing I just said about the client on the phone never happen? Like, you would never be talking to a client about a law suit settlement and have them begin to say something like, “I believe God is still on the throne and has guided me through this every step of the way…blah, blah, blah Jesus did this and God did that…”? 
 

I mean I think that client probably won’t ever do that again *now*, because I got off the phone that way and she may think perhaps she came on too strong. Kinda hoping so, actually. 

In my experience, this type of statement would come more from evangelicals or fundamentalists, not Catholics or Methodists or other more traditional Protestant denominations. Personally, I grew up in a small Midwest town with multiple churches where practically everyone regularly attended church. But I never heard anything like that or even the idea of being “saved” until I went to college. I think there might now be one or two churches in my small hometown where you might hear people say such things. But definitely not when I was growing up.

[livetoread]

I live in the midwest, and I've heard people talk that way. It's not super common, but it's also not so unusual that I would be surprised either. I usually don't say anything in direct response - just smile or say, "Huh!" or, "Wow!" and then try and find something about what they said that isn't religious to focus on. For example, with God blessing them with a big settlement, maybe, "Well, I'm happy that it all worked out." Almost everyone takes the hint if you don't take up the Jesus talk, too, right away. I don't mind if a little awkwardness creeps into my voice. Just enough to not be painful for all concerned, but enough to signal a turn in conversation would be welcome.

I rarely am in a position where I need to discuss my lack of belief, and generally I don't bring it up unless I feel like I really need to, or someone volunteers their lack of faith first. If someone directly asked me to pray for them, I would feel the need to tell them I'm not the praying sort but I will certainly keep them in my thoughts and hope for the best possible outcome for them. I can't remember the last time someone has asked me that though. It's literally been decades and back when I was still a Christian. Even though I homeschooled for a long time, my tribe was an inclusive group and no assumptions were made about anyone's beliefs. 

I have found using the terms nonbeliever or nonreligious makes people less uncomfortable than agnostic or atheist. Saying you aren't religious leaves a lot of wiggle room for "spiritual" beliefs (which I also don't have) but people generally don't pry after hearing it.

[Stacia]

I'm in the South & used to (not infrequently) be asked, "What church do you attend?" My answer was always, "I don't." Which seemed to nip it in the bud & seemingly kept them from inviting me to theirs (whew). Lol. Of course w/ covid, it's not like I've encountered new people, but even prior to then, I just haven't heard it asked as much.

As far as people inserting stuff into their conversation like you're mentioning, I just tune them out while they chatter on about god, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with what they are saying. When I then do respond, I don't make any reference to what they said as far as god being involved. I basically edit their 'god' stuff out of their statement (in my head) & respond to the remaining stuff that was said.

[fairfarmhand]

1 hour ago, Quill said:

Something like that, though sometimes more specific than that. So more like, “…and the house was not even for sale but I prayed that, if God willed us to have the house, He would make a way…and then, out of the blue my cousin tells me that is her grandmas house, and grandma is moving into an assisted living this July, so, voila! Answered prayer!” 
 

Or particularly when it comes to illnesses, it bothers me a ton. Like God is deciding who dies of Covid and who gets better and goes home. 

I'm very devout and that bothers me too.

[KidsHappen]

In the immortal words of Johnny Cash, "I've been everywhere man. I've been everywhere!" I have lived in places in which you would never guess there is such a thing as religion and others where it is almost literally, "Welcome to Moe's! So where do you go to church?" 

If I find myself in a situation in which someone starts talking about Jesus or God, I make my excuses and move on. If they specifically ask me what church I go to or what religion I belong to I tell them I don't and if they then invite me to their church I explain I am not interested.

The place I currently live is one of the worst about this of any place I have ever lived. However, I must have greatly improved my RBF or everyone in the state has already been notified because I rarely am approached about this matter anymore.

I am an older woman and I remember when it simply was not considered acceptable to discuss religion or politics in polite society. Then it seems like some time in the 90s everyone went to an Amway convention and picked up religion while they were there. It took them about 20 years for them to figure out not everyone wants to here about either and things started calming down on those  fronts.

[HS Mom in NC]

1 hour ago, Quill said:

I think it is assumed by my demographic. There is a lot of diversity here, and one is as likely to meet a Jewish person, or a Muslim person, or an atheist, or a something-else, as a Christian, BUT in my demographic, Christian is usually assumed. 

Do you have objective confirmation that people in your area are assuming someone is a Christian? I'm from a very diverse place too and I've not witnessed situations where there was any evidence someone was assumed to be Christian like asking "What church do you go to?" without first hearing the person say they're a church goer or something related to church going naturally in the conversation.
 

[popmom]

1 hour ago, Quill said:

So would that thing I just said about the client on the phone never happen? Like, you would never be talking to a client about a law suit settlement and have them begin to say something like, “I believe God is still on the throne and has guided me through this every step of the way…blah, blah, blah Jesus did this and God did that…”? 
 

I mean I think that client probably won’t ever do that again *now*, because I got off the phone that way and she may think perhaps she came on too strong. Kinda hoping so, actually. 

I am a Christian. I consider myself evangelical. I would not speak to someone in that way unless they ask me specifically about something that involved my faith. It just doesn't come up in conversation. I have acquaintances and friends who are not religious. I don't talk to them using Christian jargon. I really dislike Christian jargon personally. I mean--even as a "devoted, certain of my beliefs" Christian--I don't always want to hear the Xtain jargon myself! I certainly wouldn't project that upon someone who didn't share my belief system. That is not professional at all. 

eta

@Quill I just realized you were wanting to hear from non Christians, so I apologize if I've overstepped. 

 

Edited January 16, 2022 by popmom

[Hannah]

2 hours ago, Stacia said:

I basically edit their 'god' stuff out of their statement (in my head) & respond to the remaining stuff that was said.

This is what I do too.  We move in circles where Christian religion is assumed.  I basically 'smile and wave' at the God stuff and respond to the rest.  

My children have ridden for years at a yard that pre-covid did a quarterly barbeque.  The custom is to pray before every meal.  The host will 'nominate' someone to pray.  When it was my turn I said "Lets take a moment to close our eyes and be thankful for the food we're about to eat".  Counted 5 seconds off in my head and said "Thank you" to end the ritual.  I honored the custom and really didn't want to make waves with personal statements about religion.

Edited January 16, 2022 by Hannah
Typo

[Ausmumof3]

4 hours ago, Quill said:

If you are in this category, and you live in the US (or another place where “Christian” is the dominant faith system), how do you navigate this or disclose this when you meet new people? So, what I notice is this: a lot of people who strongly identify with their Christian faith seem to assume that others will be the same way…or else they are quick to “make a statement” of some type that notifies others that they are a Christian. But they do this notification as if they assume surely everyone else is too. 
 

I just wonder what people who have a different faith system - Jewish, say, or Muslim - or who do not ascribe to any faith system usually do when this happens. Does the person “make a statement” in return? Say nothing? Change the subject? Is it better to get this out of the way early in a developing interaction? Or wait until some unignorable thing happens? 
 

 

I will say as a non US person that I have the opposite experience - most people assume you’re non religious or nominally religious and Christians are slow to speak out because they don’t want to be seen as bible-bashing etc so this might really be a US thing

[Laura Corin]

It doesn't come up mostly in the UK. I don't bring up my atheism and others don't bring up their religion. The first time I usually know is when someone says, 'I'm sorry, I'm not free then - I'm doing something at my church/temple/mosque '.

[SKL]

I don't see it much, except from people with whom I have a connection where religion is relevant.  For example, another AHG mom, or certainly people who go to the church I have attended.

But if you're including sayings like "God willing" or "thank God" or God was definitely with me at that moment," then yeah, I see that and sometimes I say it.

I have lots of friends who follow different religions, and when they say something that refers to their religion, I certainly don't feel like I need to "make a statement back" or whatever.  What they believe has nothing to do with me, except in rare circumstances.  So why would it be different the other way around? 

I mean when someone says "my husband is picking the kids up today," I don't say "well I don't have a husband."  It would just be rude and weird and unnecessary.  Same goes for statements that reveal my religious identity.

[DawnM]

7 hours ago, Ceilingfan said:

I just say "oh neat, I've been to a (insert denomination) service before, it was very (insert positive descriptor - peaceful, beautiful, welcoming, etc)"

This signals acceptance and positivity while also (by omission, which most people read correctly) signalling that I don't attend a church.

But what if it is not Christian.   A Jewish person, a Muslim, a Hindu?   Have you been to those services?    What would you say to those folks?   If I understood the question correctly, I think that is what was being asked?   

[HomeAgain]

To answer the original question, it's a mine field sometimes.  When we lived in Texas the first two questions were always:

"Where are you from?"

"Have you found your church family yet?"

 

You learn very quickly what to answer:

"We moved from....."

"Yes."

Full stop.  End point. Period. And you become much more interested in being friends with those who don't ask the second question.  Those who press an invite or for further information get "we're very happy, thank you for your invitation, though!"  We learned that volunteering information meant two things:

1. We're available for conversion.

2. (If I answer Catholic), we're a lost cause who will burn in hell and therefore not fit for company.

It's a pass the beandip moment until you work through.  As it is with every setting with possible issues.  I set a boundary line where I would give when possible, so I'd volunteer in the MoPS room rather than participate in the group setting, or we'd stand quietly and respectfully during invocations and such, but I wouldn't take my kid to the group events that were basically Christian outreach programs.

The scariest event I remember is when they took part of the ecumenical chapel on base and gave a spot for a prayer room/mosque.  It was needed, but at the same time people were so mad that it was going to be shared with non-Judeo-Christian religions that locals were trying to plan protests and writing in angry letters to the newspaper. It was awful, and such a stain on what should have been a welcoming ceremony that I felt frightened for anyone who wore visible articles of their faith out in public.  I have a necklace that is just my husband's name in Arabic and I've had to remember to take it off because I've been cold-shouldered at shops and backed away from when someone sees it.  I can only imagine how bad it is for someone else with a hijab or such.

[alysee]

If it's an acquaintance just a quick "I don't talk about religion or politics."  If someone tells me they are praying for me, I just say thank you because to me that's the equivalent of thinking of me and it's nice when I might be going through something. It really isn't hard to  navigate. 

[Pawz4me]

6 hours ago, Stacia said:

I'm in the South & used to (not infrequently) be asked, "What church do you attend?" My answer was always, "I don't." Which seemed to nip it in the bud & seemingly kept them from inviting me to theirs (whew). Lol. Of course w/ covid, it's not like I've encountered new people, but even prior to then, I just haven't heard it asked as much.

As far as people inserting stuff into their conversation like you're mentioning, I just tune them out while they chatter on about god, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with what they are saying. When I then do respond, I don't make any reference to what they said as far as god being involved. I basically edit their 'god' stuff out of their statement (in my head) & respond to the remaining stuff that was said.

Same, especially the last paragraph (it's been a very long time since I've been asked what church I attend, thank goodness). Some family members are the absolute worst. We don't want to hurt their feelings or have them worrying about our souls, but it is very tiresome.

I really, really wish we'd get to a point that everyone keeps their religious and political thoughts and opinions to themselves. A lot of people say "get back to the time" when that was the case, but I don't think there's been a time yet--at least in my area, and at least WRT religion--when it was the norm to keep your mouth shut. It's gotten a lot better throughout my lifetime for religion, but political talk is much worse, unfortunately. There's still a lot of work to do on both fronts.

[regentrude]

I now simply say I don't go to church. If that's the dealbreaker they can bite me.

My most bizarre encounter was a few weeks after I moved here. I was still a Christian at that time. A dad who was watching his kids on the playground asked where I go to church. I replied that I am still looking for a church that works for me. He then said, and I quote his exact words: "I am not your husband, so I don't have authority over your conscience,  but..." and proceeds to tell me that I have it all wrong and that church isn't there for me but that I am created solely for the purpose of going to church. I was shocked because I had never heard this bizarre idea before that husbands have authority over their wives' conscience. (When he said a few minutes later that the commandment Thou shalt not kill doesn't apply to Muslims because they are the infidel, I packed up my kids and fled, wondering into what bizarre place I had just moved)

[regentrude]

6 hours ago, HS Mom in NC said:

Do you have objective confirmation that people in your area are assuming someone is a Christian? I'm from a very diverse place too and I've not witnessed situations where there was any evidence someone was assumed to be Christian like asking "What church do you go to?" without first hearing the person say they're a church goer or something related to church going naturally in the conversation.
 

They definitely do in my area. See my post above for the most egregious encounter. Small town rural Midwest. 

A Muslim friend who wears hijab has been treated badly in local businesses. 

Edited January 16, 2022 by regentrude

[Carrie12345]

For the very most part, it hasn’t been an issue in my fairly diverse area. Even my homeschool circles are diverse, for homeschool circles, and I have a lot of atheist, agnostic, and nature-based-belief friends and acquaintances within those.

Christianity is still the dominant religion and, yes, there’s lots of prayer requests, worship invitations, church related activities, etc. Both of our large co-ops even met in churches. But interactions are mostly at a level that “we” don’t flinch about their verbiage, and “they” don’t usually flinch about ours.  Our kids all play together. Our older kids have had respectful, deep conversations about various things that religion tend to influence.

That said, I stick to explicitly inclusive/secular homeschool groups, so everyone does know what they’re getting into in advance. A group that is Christian but allows for other beliefs (IME, here) is a different story. 

I think I’ve had more issues as a teacher, gently guiding little ones off of tangents about their religious beliefs than I’ve had with adults. Just like I’ve had to guide some little ones away from regurgitating their parents’ political beliefs. (Mine. It was my little one and my co-director’s. 😬)

[regentrude]

8 hours ago, Quill said:

Or particularly when it comes to illnesses, it bothers me a ton. Like God is deciding who dies of Covid and who gets better and goes home. 

That attitude is very prevalent where I live. People don't need to wear masks or vaxx because "God will protect them". 

The hubris of assuming they are somehow preferred while God lets other folks die bothers me to no end. It also defies all logic, since the same people have guns (I assume to protect themselves?) and undergo surgeries ("because I needed the heart surgery"). Former Christian in me considers it blasphemous. 

[catz]

I live urban upper Midwest and I pretty much never have interactions like this.  We certainly have friends and acquaintances who are Christian and attend church but we’ve learned that about them over time.   We intermittently attend a UU church.  People have a you do you attitude.   And we mix with Jewish, Muslim, Hindu people at times too.  

Edited January 16, 2022 by FuzzyCatz

[Eos]

In the last few years I've heard what I think of as "signaling." It's not necessarily asking if I'm Christian but a subtle way of finding like minds, possibly with the goal of being able to say certain ideas out loud and feel safe or affirmed.  I think it might have to do with politics but it's said as if it's religion, if that makes sense.  So for instance (this has happened maybe four times in three years) someone has responded to my saying I homeschool with something like "oh that's great, lots of folks at my church do too, you can really teach what you think is important and they don't learn a lot of garbage" or similar.  This is very different than the previous 25 or so years.

9 hours ago, Quill said:

But they do this notification as if they assume surely everyone else is too. 

It's this.  I guess always wearing skirts or dresses and having long hair with two long-haired, dress-wearing daughters tips them off!

[Guest]

7 hours ago, HS Mom in NC said:

Do you have objective confirmation that people in your area are assuming someone is a Christian? I'm from a very diverse place too and I've not witnessed situations where there was any evidence someone was assumed to be Christian like asking "What church do you go to?" without first hearing the person say they're a church goer or something related to church going naturally in the conversation.
 

I think this qualifies as objective confirmation: I started a women’s adventure club to happen this year. Some are friends of mine (many are acquaintance-level friends); a few are friends of friends. But we are all in roughly the same demographic (age, life situation, income, and we are all white females). We have not been able to go on an adventure yet due to Covid positives in half the group, and weather. But we maintain a message loop. 
 
When I was forming this group, I considered saying specifically, “BTW, this is not a specifically Christian group, though several members are Christian. But I know two members who are definitely not; one is Jewish, one is something else. But I chickened out and did not mention this when I was setting group parameters. 
 

There is a member who has posted on the chain some “God talk” similar to what I said above.   Like maybe she’s trying to suss out who the Christians are by seeing who hearts or thumbs-up her statement. For my part I’m just hoping she picks up a vibe that that’s not really what we do in this group. We’re meant to be ladies having fun activities together; it’s not church or Bible study. Can we just kayak? Lol

[Guest]

7 hours ago, popmom said:

eta

@Quill I just realized you were wanting to hear from non Christians, so I apologize if I've overstepped

No, you’re fine! I am happy to hear from any perspective and originally thought or framing the question like, “If you do this, why do you?” But I thought that would induce defensiveness. 

[J-rap]

I'm not your target audience either, but I'm quite certain that many evangelical circles wouldn't consider me a Christian because of my particular beliefs.  That said, I usually don't feel a need to respond to their statements with a reactive statement of what I believe.  I'd rather people not put me in a box right away anyway, but instead give them time to just get to know me without slapping a quick label on me.  I mostly feel the same about politics too.  I don't really feel a need to make my "labels" known anyway, because for me, it should never even be a label.  It's a heart-matter:  how we treat others, etc.

It does really, really bother me though when Christians say "Christian" statements that are just plain wrong, like some examples people have given already.  If it's a stranger who I'm in the elevator with for 30 seconds or someone I've just met at a social event, or in a professional setting, I wouldn't say anything.  If it's someone I'm actually in a conversation with for awhile, I might gently offer an alternative view.  But it wouldn't be making a statement about what religion either of us is.  So if they were saying that they're not getting a vaccine because God will protect them -- whether they were evangelical Christian, Muslim, Hindu, etc., I might gently offer the idea that perhaps God protects them through vaccines.  

If they invited me to their right-wing nationalistic church, I'd probably just say no thanks.  I'd be happy to explain why if they asked, but I'm sure most don't want to listen.

If someone of an entirely different religion invited me to their place of worship not knowing my own beliefs, I'd thank them for inviting me but explain that since I'm a Christian, perhaps I shouldn't go.  

[Guest]

57 minutes ago, regentrude said:

That attitude is very prevalent where I live. People don't need to wear masks or vaxx because "God will protect them". 

The hubris of assuming they are somehow preferred while God lets other folks die bothers me to no end. It also defies all logic, since the same people have guns (I assume to protect themselves?) and undergo surgeries ("because I needed the heart surgery"). Former Christian in me considers it blasphemous. 

Yes. This. One hundred percent. 
 

I think this with breast cancer. To make it through that, I had to trust doctors and scientists to save my life, no matter how unpleasant and unappealing their recommendations were. I’m currently trusting “Big Pharma” every day when I take my prescription anti-cancer medication. If there are *any* people at all who know me who would have said, “Oh just trust that God will shrink the tumor and wall it off so it doesn’t travel all over your body,” luckily they didn’t talk to me. (Oh, there was one lady who thought I should take some herbal supplement instead of being on a drug, but fortunately we were not close so I only heard that once.) 

[MEmama]

I don’t encounter it much irl. 

I grew up in a super liberal area of Northern California and religion just wasn’t part of the landscape. I’ve had a few brushes with outward religion since then, but very few overtly uncomfortable interactions. I do know religious people, of course, but it certainly isn’t talked about or assumed where I live now, or most places I’ve lived outside of specific personal conversations. The only place I’ve lived where active Christianity was assumed was in eastern Canada, which surprised me because I hadn’t encountered that before.

Mostly I think I’m just pretty unaware because religion isn’t on my radar at all. The kind of sprinkling religion into conversations happens more on these boards than anywhere I’ve encountered in my real life; like with political leanings there is a lot of the signaling here that @Eos mentioned. I suspect religion plays such a huge role (from how it’s frequently discussed) in some people’s lives they are unaware that it simply doesn’t exist for everyone and don’t always realize how frequently it permeates their posts and responses. 

[Wheres Toto]

I don't get that too much around here since we have pretty large populations of Catholic, Jewish, Muslim and Hindu in our immediate area.  It definitely is more likely to happen among homeschoolers than among the general population but since I run a secular science center, I don't hear it too often even among the homeschoolers I'm seeing the most.

What I am seeing a ton lately is people looking for "like minded people", "fresh air events" and lots of venting about "freedom".  

[MEmama]

I forgot to answer the actual question, which was how do I navigate it. I've truly had so few opportunities I guess I’m not sure I have a standard deflection tool. I suppose as long as it wasn’t offensive I would just ignore the religious sprinkling, but I’m unlikely to carry on long conversations with anyone who can’t keep that stuff to themselves when it clearly isn’t reciprocated. That’s just bizarre behavior to me.

[Xahm]

7 minutes ago, Wheres Toto said:

What I am seeing a ton lately is people looking for "like minded people", "fresh air events" and lots of venting about "freedom".  

Is a "fresh air event" one that meets outside for Covid safety, or one where people don't wear masks? If it's the second, they need to work on their code words because I would show up confused!

[Granny_Weatherwax]

For me, I've noticed it with adults who are either new Christians or something has happened to renew their faith, like a serious illness or other life crisis. In day to day life, it rarely occurs. I've played tennis with the same women for years and I can't tell you what half of them believe. I make no assumptions about their belief system. I have had discussions with the women with whom I have developed deeper relationships but even then it's more superficial. I know they believe but that's about it; couldn't tell you what denominations or churches. When I worked I couldn't tell you much about the religious beliefs of my co-workers.