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About livetoread

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    Hive Mind Worker Bee

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  1. Can I just say, our mental health system suuuuucks. Okay, setting that aside, big hugs to you and him as you figure this out. It's really tough, I know.
  2. The mental health issues are the priority. Did his PHP have a follow up plan? Is he still plugged into outpatient therapy and a psychiatrist? I'd start with them, but I would not focus so much on him going back to school today. He's telling you he still doesn't have the tools to do it yet. Believe him and go from there. Editing to add: Many kids that age show their pain and fear through oppositional behavior. If he can feel like you have his back, it will help so much. Saying things like "I want to help you get through this. I have your back. I know this is really hard right now. We'll fi
  3. I can relate all too well. The last couple of weeks have been life-changing in an awful way, coming from several directions, but mainly having both young adult children in serious crisis. I really thought 2021 would be better, but oh my goodness. I've been digging into internal resources I didn't even know I had. Anyway, my go to right now is just focusing on what needs to happen today. I can't begin to think beyond that because I get too dysfunctional when I need to be functioning. So I figure out what the bare minimum is that is necessary to attend to and I do it as best I can and call
  4. I was one of those. Lesson learned. It was kind of like a brief cloud cover that I never would have noticed except I was paying close attention.
  5. I also used the protein bait/sweet bait thing. Turns out they were in a sweet bait mood at the time. I put the bait out and then followed several as they carried it away so I could find the nest. Then I put a bunch of bait around that. Seemed to do the trick. One year some did some damage to a doorframe and we had that professionally treated once.
  6. I think it is possible we overestimate our abilities to come to the best conclusion based on our own research. Of course we have to do that because we all have to decide whether to get the vaccine or not, but generally we, as non experts, aren't as good at weighing evidence as we might think we are. The further we get from the general consensus of where most of the experts lie at the time, the more shaky the ground, IMO. That doesn't mean the experts are right, but the general consensus of the experts is still waaaaaay more likely to be right than those of us trying to judge their evidence. Pe
  7. Yes, again I don't see anything wrong in theory with discussing what measures we can take to protect ourselves from predators and bad actors. The problem is that doing so complicates the mission of reducing the ability of the predators to prey and the bad actors to get punished. Of course it's true that our choices increase or decrease our risk of being preyed upon. But our emphasis as a society should be on cutting down on predators, not learning how to adjust to them. Date rape was a basically unpunished crime for a very long time in our society because we focused on the victims and not
  8. Yes, as others have pointed out already, dwelling on the victim's actions has reduced the urgency of addressing the perpetrator's actions in our society. We tolerate bad police for lots of reasons, one of which is because we dwell on the actions of the victims. If we lived in a society where violent, racist police were extremely rare and dealt with quickly when discovered, conversations about the victim's actions would be much less of a problem. But we don't, and here we are.
  9. Ha, I'm a trained therapist, and I still struggle with this. My personality is practical and solution focused, and I am also a deep feeler of other people's feelings. You might want to check out the info on Highly Sensitive People. Anyway, I have to check myself often because I might feel so bad when the other person feels bad that I try and fix it, perhaps for both our sakes. This has been particularly true with my now young adult kids. I was a big advice giver when they were growing up, and now we are working on what an adult to adult relationship looks like. It's hard, I know.
  10. I agree that the migration issues caused by climate change will be the most destabilizing force we will likely face in the future. As a species, we could cope with this if we were forward thinking and generous, but I don't think we are - at least not enough to deal with it in a way that averts catastrophe and suffering for far too many. The wars that are likely to come from it will affect the rich countries, too. It not just that I might have to pay more in property tax or my electric might cost more.
  11. And part of the reason they don't bring in as much money is because they aren't valued as much. The two self-reinforce. Don't value as much so don't market as much so people perceive it as less than so they don't value it as much. If similar resources were devoted to women's sports, it's possible they will be valued more highly and then bring in more money. Marketing works, and nothing says this is less important and less valuable than being treated as such. But I'm another who questions the value we play on sports, especially football, so there's that.
  12. People don't fully understand their motivations for doing anything, let alone a mass shooter. He didn't have to have a dissertation about how he hates Asians for us to think this, in part, probably had a racial aspect to it. Our country has a race problem, and we are all affected by the stereotypes that were rampant as we grew up and are still lingering around today. Asian women have a particular stereotype that has a strong sexual component, namely as pliant sex dolls. I can easily see how an unhinged guy raised in an environment that emphasized how even sexual thoughts were sins could t
  13. I don't think telling the kids would be wrong today. If they are pretty oblivious kids, then it might be fine to wait, but if they are sensitive to mood, they are going to pick up on it. If you are in a place where you can be honest yet reassuring, I think it would be fine. They don't need details, and you don't have much to give, but telling them what happened but you have all these resources etc. and you will be fine is good. I would certainly tell them if they ask what's wrong - I wouldn't dismiss their questioning.
  14. I would and I have and I'm planning more as soon as the weather is nice enough. I need that alone time a little less now that the kids are at college, but I well remember how amazing it felt to have an overnight trip by myself, whether driving and staying at a hotel or camping. So important for my mental health. Not having to take anyone else's needs into consideration was heaven. I love camping and my dh tolerates it for my sake, so I used to go with friends and our kids or with just the kids. Now I go by myself. A couple of times I've felt a bit uneasy, but I feel that way sometimes any
  15. I had a choice between the J&J or one of the two shot vaccines. I chose the two shot because of the greater protection against mild symptoms (at least as we know so far). I ended up with Pfizer, which I was happy about since we know a little more about it providing some transmission protection. I wouldn't be surprised if more data supported the others in this too, but I'll go with what we know so far.
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