Introvert/Extrovert and changing over time

[Ginevra]

This is me musing and will probably be a bit rambly. 
 

I have always identified myself as an Introvert, since I first knew it was a thing. I also score high in introversion on all personality tests. And truly, in the basic sense of what I find energizing vs what I find draining, that is still true. 
 

But! At 50, I am definitely much more of an extrovert-looking person. Also, at the early part of the pandemic, I realized that I crave connection with people *much* more than I realized; it’s just that my Other Humans tank was always full with my obligatory relationships. I was over fed on interacting with people (mostly the small, irrational type human) so I had no appetite for the “dessert” of other people. 
 

Also, I always thought of my mom as an extreme Extrovert and, yes she is likely more innately so than I am (I am much more like my dad), however I see my demeanor becoming much more similar to my mom as I get older.

 

It’s been almost a year since I started working at the law firm and when I was applying for jobs, one thing I was pretty concerned about was that I hated talking on the phone, or, specifically, I hated having to ask things on the phone, especially if I had little information. But now this almost never phases me at all. In most cases I don’t even think about it anymore: I need information, the clerk or whoever has it, so I call. It’s like I have re-written the script of who I am (in that respect). 
 

Anyone else feel they have changed on the introvert/extrovert scale with age? 

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, Quill said:

This is me musing and will probably be a bit rambly. 
 

I have always identified myself as an Introvert, since I first knew it was a thing. I also score high in introversion on all personality tests. And truly, in the basic sense of what I find energizing vs what I find draining, that is still true. 
 

But! At 50, I am definitely much more of an extrovert-looking person. Also, at the early part of the pandemic, I realized that I crave connection with people *much* more than I realized; it’s just that my Other Humans tank was always full with my obligatory relationships. I was over fed on interacting with people (mostly the small, irrational type human) so I had no appetite for the “dessert” of other people. 
 

Also, I always thought of my mom as an extreme Extrovert and, yes she is likely more innately so than I am (I am much more like my dad), however I see my demeanor becoming much more similar to my mom as I get older.

 

It’s been almost a year since I started working at the law firm and when I was applying for jobs, one thing I was pretty concerned about was that I hated talking on the phone, or, specifically, I hated having to ask things on the phone, especially if I had little information. But now this almost never phases me at all. In most cases I don’t even think about it anymore: I need information, the clerk or whoever has it, so I call. It’s like I have re-written the script of who I am (in that respect). 
 

Anyone else feel they have changed on the introvert/extrovert scale with age? 

I will have to think on this, but I think I am getting more introverted.  I mean, I work with the public and all kinds come in....I still know how to handle a customer really well, but when the day is over all I want to do is go home and veg out.  

[bookbard]

I think that a lot of introverts also have social anxiety and that decreases over time, both with experience and age. To me introversion is about needing that alone time to recover after lots of time with people, and that hasn't changed. But I am far less socially anxious and enjoy catching up with friends, I meet new people all the time and it doesn't bother me at all, I could stand up and give a speech and not be nervous. I'd still say I'm an introvert because I need that recovery time. 

[Resilient]

I've gone the other direction.  

[Kassia]

9 minutes ago, Resilient said:

I've gone the other direction.  

I have too.  Went from being an extrovert to introvert.  One of my kids shifted from introvert to extrovert, but the other three are introverts.  

[Selkie]

I'm 52 and as introverted as ever. One big difference now is that I'm at the point in my life where I no longer have to interact with people I don't like for work or kid activities. That freedom feels pretty amazing.

[ScoutTN]

I am strongly extroverted, but I also need and crave alone time to recharge, rebalance, and think. 

I wasn’t always this way, though. Many years of living alone as a young adult conditioned me to it.

My E/I on the Myers-Briggs test is closer to the middle now.

[Arcadia]

I have always been more of an ambivert, though a noisy chatty one. My husband and kids are introverts but the pandemic has made them seek social activities. With work and classes being online, they realize they need more social interactions from elsewhere to plug the gap.

[Junie]

I have always considered myself to be an extrovert, but during the pandemic I have realized that I am actually an introvert.  Now, whether my personality has changed or my perception of my personality has changed -- I'm not sure.

 

[Indigo Blue]

I’ve gone from introvert to extreme introvert over time. Life experiences…..

Completely content this way.

[Garga]

I’ve bounced around in my life on the introversion/extroversion scale. Most of the time I’m introverted, but every now and then I’ve gone through an extroverted phase. 

I have a job now and very much enjoy interacting with my coworkers. But I don’t want to interact with my own friends as much now. Dealing with coworkers is easier than dealing with friends. We all keep it professional and light. With friends, there might be tension over varying covid or political views, or we might talk about deep subjects, or share our troubles, so it’s actually harder to socialize with my friends than with coworkers. At work, no one brings up covid or politics or troubles. It’s all taboo. It’s light and easy.

All the unrest of the past few years has exhausted me and I don’t want to dance around tricky subjects anymore. So, I talk about work and stay positive with coworkers and then I’m done interacting for the day.

P.S. I just wanted to say, @Quill that when you first said you decided not to be scared of making business phone calls anymore, that changed me. Like, snap! Changed in an instant. I thought, “If Quill can just decide not to be bothered by business calls, then so can I.” And ever since then, they’re completely no big deal. I used to dread them and put them off, and now, I just pick up the phone and make the call effortlessly.

 

[freesia]

I have.  I was an extreme extravert in my 20s. I tested high as an E and I had an experience overseas being an E surrounded by Is.  I'm sure I was a high E.

Now, not so much.  At.all.  I did have 4 kids and between them and dh I have been very drained.  Co-op kills me every time.  I just want to be all.by.myself (Actually I am right now, they are all at TKD!)  I have no desire to have anyone at my house ever.  I really thrived during the lockdowns (well, until they effected my kids.)

[Carol in Cal.]

In my teen and 20s years, I often said, "I am a people person!"

But not anymore.

I think the difference is that I was starved for peers and time with friends at my home, as I grew up extraordinarily isolated except at school itself, and with almost no freedom to spend time with friends socially or even talk on the phone with them.  So there was a residue of longing for that about halfway through my twenties before I settled down to be who I actually am, which is an introvert that still loves people but can be contented alone as well.

[marbel]

I don't think aversion to the phone and such is a sign of introversion. I think it's more like social anxiety as another poster said, and maybe some shyness. 

So just from the phone example, I think you just got used to doing it because you had to, and it became easier over time.

 

 

[SKL]

Even people who have to talk all day for work can be introverted.  And every introvert I know loves people.  But in personal interactions, they enjoy conversations where another person (usually an extrovert or well-trained introvert) is drawing them out, versus the other way around.

Recently my kid has been arguing that she doubts I'm an introvert because I talk to people.  I said, "introverted doesn't mean non-verbal."

With age and experience, it gets easier to just do the things we have to do.  That's great, but it doesn't mean we're now extroverts.

That said, a celebrity I follow recently announced that his MBTI went from extrovert to introvert.  I find that hard to believe in his particular case, but who knows?  I think Covid has had a huge impact on a lot of things, including how we draw energy from each other.  Then again, once things really open up, will people go back to their old ways in this respect also?

(As for me personally, I have always tested so far on the introvert side of the scale, I'd have to hit my head pretty hard to get anywhere near the extrovert side.  There is absolutely no possible way.  But there are situations in which I enjoy talking to trusted people.  That has always been the case.)

 

Edited October 22, 2021 by SKL

[Guest]

9 hours ago, marbel said:

I don't think aversion to the phone and such is a sign of introversion. I think it's more like social anxiety as another poster said, and maybe some shyness. 

So just from the phone example, I think you just got used to doing it because you had to, and it became easier over time.

 

 

Yes but also, it wasn’t so much “over time”. It was more like an instantaneous decision. I have worked in firms before, but there were lots of other staff members who could do it. But the firm I work for now is tiny; there was no one else to do it and there was no way I was going to tell the attorney, “Oh, I can’t call them; I’m scared.” 
 

Actually, I think a lot of it is that I’m no longer very sensitive to conflict or people’s displeasure. Like, in the past, if someone on the phone had gotten salty with me, I would cry and be upset about it for weeks. But now I’m not vulnerable to it anymore. Some woman screamed “you bitch!” at me last week. Oh well. 
 

 

[Guest]

That said, a celebrity I follow recently announced that his MBTI went from extrovert to introvert.  I find that hard to believe in his particular case, but who knows?

Well, one thing I was thinking about is that Meyers Briggs is self-reporting. So if someone perceives themself to be E or I, they will answer the questions in a way that turns out just as they expected. 

[TexasProud]

Interesting question. I am both, though actually, if the true definition of an introvert is that people drain you, then I have always been an introvert. I LOVE LOVE LOVE people. I need to be around them. I adore teaching. But whether it is VBS, teaching school, or a ladies retreat, I will normally come home and collapse and take a nap.  When dh and I were first married. I taught  180 8th graders. I had at least 30 in a class, 6 periods and then 7th was my conference period. I came home and took a nap, then got up and started dinner. We had dinner later then. He was rarely home before 7. No kids.

So I have to have alone time to recuperate and also to process. But, if I spend too much time alone, I get moody and way too introspective. I need to have a balance.  I need to see people, to come alive, to perform. That was the hardest part about parenting for me, having to be "on" 24/7. Teaching is much, much, much easier. And as the kids got older, parenting got easier because I didn't have to be with them 24/7. The older they got, the more I enjoyed them. Babies still terrify me even though I've had 3. 

[Pawz4me]

50 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

Interesting question. I am both, though actually, if the true definition of an introvert is that people drain you, then I have always been an introvert. I LOVE LOVE LOVE people. I need to be around them. I adore teaching. But whether it is VBS, teaching school, or a ladies retreat, I will normally come home and collapse and take a nap.  When dh and I were first married. I taught  180 8th graders. I had at least 30 in a class, 6 periods and then 7th was my conference period. I came home and took a nap, then got up and started dinner.

I don't get to define what constitutes an introvert, but your napping experience is nothing like what I experience. After being around people it takes me hours of calm, quiet time to be able to relax enough to sleep. I have to decompress mentally before I can relax enough to sleep. I hate social functions in the evenings because it means very little and poor quality sleep that night. For something like VBS I'd need a couple of days (at a very minimum) of quiet, calm time to recover and feel like I could somewhat easily tolerate being around people again.

[TexasProud]

7 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

I don't get to define what constitutes an introvert, but your napping experience is nothing like what I experience. After being around people it takes me hours of calm, quiet time to be able to relax enough to sleep. I have to decompress mentally before I can relax enough to sleep. I hate social functions in the evenings because it means very little and poor quality sleep that night. For something like VBS I'd need a couple of days (at a very minimum) of quiet, calm time to recover and feel like I could somewhat easily tolerate being around people again.

Yes, I know. According to Myers Briggs I am the lowest extrovert on the scale, but still an extrovert. It is just with extroverts, people energize them, which I guess they do, but they also take huge amounts of resources.

[MEmama]

My experience with making phone calls in my last job was similar to @Quill’s. Typically I detest talking on the phone—especially to someone I don’t know or if I don’t know all the details of what will be covered in advance. For decades I’ve actually written down scripts for myself before making a call, even details I might forget or stumble over in my discomfort. But the moment I started that job my hesitation simply disappeared and it was never an issue. I think for me it was more about confidence than anything. There was no one else in the office who could perform my tasks, no one I could hand the calls off to, so I just plowed through and moved on. And I was good at it. It was like suddenly I had a mysterious superpower I didn’t know I could possess. Lol. 
 

For me it had nothing to do with intro/extroversion though. I had never even heard of either until a few years ago when a friend referred to me as an introvert (I had to look it up lol). She was right, but not in the way she thought. After years of unpacking layers of myself I saw that I wasn’t introverted with her, I was hiding myself because she wasn’t emotionally safe. Huge, huge difference. 
 

Like most things, I don’t find that any part of me fits tidily into a box, that no definition gets it exactly or fully right. I think we are too complicated for that. Hopefully by this stage in the game I handle things differently than I did when I was younger, some things are more difficult and some are getting much easier. I like that my core self evolves; it seems a waste of life’s lessons not to. 

[happi duck]

I always test right in the middle, ambivert.  Sometimes being around people energizes me, sometimes it drains me.

I think introverts can be outgoing and extroverts can be reserved so sometimes they are perceived as the other.

[RootAnn]

I've always tested just on either side of the extrovert/introvert scale on the MBTI. It would sometimes be one (extrovert) & most often be the other (introvert), but always just barely over the line. 

My friends through the years would tell you I'm an extrovert. No question. I can "turn on" my chatty, reach out, "comfy" persona. But I could go for an awfully long time without seeing anyone other than DH or a kid & be perfectly content. People interactions drain me. I get exhausted. I used to have a higher tolerance level before being drained. My cup was fuller, perhaps. Easier to drain me now.

I suspect I would test much further over on "I" now

[DawnM]

I am getting more and more introverted.   My circle of friends is getting smaller and I dont' share nearly as easily as I used to.   There was an incident about 6 years ago with a group of women I thought were close friends.   I won't go into all of it, but I never thought they would act the way they acted and I pulled away from them and then they began to gossip about me, etc....it was like an episode of mean girls.

Since then, I realized I really dont' care to be well liked or "popular."   I just want friends I can trust and enjoy and who are loyal.   I don't have the bandwidth for some of these people.

I pick and choose carefully these days.

 

ETA:  I do score extroverted on the MB scale, and I am energized by people, but I am just finding that I don't care to be around some people and would rather be alone than deal with some stuff....

Edited October 22, 2021 by DawnM

[catz]

I always walk the line on the meyer briggs too.  I can come out introvert or extrovert depending on the day.  I also think some people mistake introversion for social anxiety.  And I also think many/most of us experience some level of social anxiety at times.  I have a relative who anyone would identify as an extreme extrovert, but I think social anxiety comes out as non stop talking to her and not necessary filtering everything that is going through her head.

I have always felt these traits were much more fluid than most people talk about them and it is a range.  When I am regularly out and in the world, I miss those interactions when I don't have them.  I have been very solidly home and NOT out in the world since covid started and now getting back out there is a bit anxiety producing.  I don't know - post pandemic social anxiety seems like it shouldn't be super abnormal right?  But I am excited to have regular social interactions and for that to feel easy and comfortable again.  Our numbers are heading back down and I can get a booster next month so I'm hoping 2022 is a better year for that.  

Anyway, I think people can and do adapt and get comfortable with what they practice and do from day to day.  My kids have used introvert and extrovert to describe themselves at different times and I remind them that isn't a reason not to get comfortable interacting with the world or learn to be alone and happy.  

[Katy]

When I was young I thought of myself as an extrovert.  Looking back, I’m Southern (conditioned to be social) and have little social anxiety, have had massive FOMO at times, but recharge best alone with a book or in nature.  So I think I was always closer to the middle or mildly introverted. The older I get the more introverted I feel. 
 

I wonder if this is more about social anxiety than anything else. 

[J-rap]

I've been a mix all my life, but the extrovert part of me (as far as getting energy instead of losing energy from being with people) seems to be winning out.  As a child, I was extremely shy with a lot of people, but still loved my friends and weirdly volunteered to do things like enter talent contests and run for office in high school where I had to speak to our high school audience of 2,000.  

I don't mind being alone at all and am never the life of the party (I don't like to be the center of attention at all and probably have some social anxiety related to that).  But, I find that being with people is always the highlight of my day -- both people I know and even random strangers I happen to chat with on a bus ride or the elevator.  That gives me so much positive energy that I would never find being alone.

I've heard you can be an introverted extrovert, or an extroverted introvert.  I'd probably the first.  I also think though that social anxiety is likely one reason some people feel they are introverts.  But once pushed into a role where they're forced to overcome it (the anxiety), they realize they actually enjoy that interaction.  It wasn't true "introvertism" but social anxiety that was getting in the way before.

[PeterPan]

18 hours ago, Quill said:

I hated talking on the phone,

Fwiw, I think you're seeing that anxiety decreases with competence/confidence. 

Yes, of course we all grow and move (hopefully) toward more balance.

 

[PeterPan]

4 minutes ago, J-rap said:

I also think though that social anxiety is likely one reason some people feel they are introverts.  But once pushed into a role where they're forced to overcome it (the anxiety), they realize they actually enjoy that interaction.  It wasn't true "introvertism" but social anxiety that was getting in the way before.

Bingo.

[stephanier.1765]

I was very much the extrovert as a child and well into my 20's, then my life started taking hits as life is wont to do, but it changed me. Now I spend the majority of my time alone and I'm happy with my own company. I much prefer it than engaging in any group situation. One on one is now how I prefer to socialize at all. I've found better and deeper conversations can be had that way. But, yeah, group situations that I once flourished in now fill me with dread.

[Kassia]

10 minutes ago, J-rap said:

 

I also think though that social anxiety is likely one reason some people feel they are introverts.  But once pushed into a role where they're forced to overcome it (the anxiety), they realize they actually enjoy that interaction.  It wasn't true "introvertism" but social anxiety that was getting in the way before.

I think this is the case for my dd.  She's definitely an introvert but nowhere near as extreme as I thought she was.  Since going away to college, she's really blossomed and become much more comfortable around people.  

 

3 minutes ago, stephanier.1765 said:

I was very much the extrovert as a child and well into my 20's, then my life started taking hits as life is wont to do, but it changed me. Now I spend the majority of my time alone and I'm happy with my own company. I much prefer it than engaging in any group situation. One on one is now how I prefer to socialize at all. I've found better and deeper conversations can be had that way. But, yeah, group situations that I once flourished in now fill me with dread.

This is exactly the same as my experience.  🙂  And Covid made me more introverted than ever.  

Edited October 22, 2021 by Kassia

[marbel]

I was always shy as a kid, and then later was pegged as an introvert. But really I think I am shy with a bit of social anxiety. I do enjoy being alone, actually crave it at times. But I also like being around people, just not one-on-one, for the most part. I don't like having the carry the conversation. So, I'll happily invite a bunch of people to my house, serve them food and drink and enjoy their company, because I don't have to carry  the burden of the conversation.  (I am decent at introducing people and giving them conversation starters so they can talk.) I like to do things at my house so I can escape to the kitchen now and then, but I'm not sure it's because my social battery is running out or it's the anxiety taking over. 

ETA: Re: doing things one hates because they have to - both my kids have gotten jobs that included doing something they hated, and/or had a strong aversion to, and/or was something they said they would never do because they hated it so much/could not do it. But they wanted/needed the jobs, so they did the thing. And very soon it became no big deal to do it. 

 

Edited October 22, 2021 by marbel

[RootAnn]

I'm sure social anxiety is part of this for some people but not all of us.

I have no problem chatting up strangers on an elevator or mingling with groups. (I do NOT like public speaking, however.) But being outgoing is more like an outfit I can don & doff (but having it on saps me of emotional energy). I prefer my books to hanging with friends. I don't mentally shrink from human interaction, but it does drain me. 

DH & I both need our alone time after lengthy interactions with people-- even our own kids if there has been "too much" from all of them in one day.

[Pawz4me]

12 minutes ago, RootAnn said:

I'm sure social anxiety is part of this for some people but not all of us.

I have no problem chatting up strangers on an elevator or mingling with groups. (I do NOT like public speaking, however.) But being outgoing is more like an outfit I can don & doff (but having it on saps me of emotional energy). I prefer my books to hanging with friends. I don't mentally shrink from human interaction, but it does drain me. 

DH & I both need our alone time after lengthy interactions with people-- even our own kids if there has been "too much" from all of them in one day.

Yep, this is me. I think when I was younger (kid to 30 or so) I did have social anxiety. But it's absolutely something I left behind a long time ago. I can talk to anybody anytime, and I usually enjoy the interaction while it's happening. But then I'm totally wiped out afterwards. And as I've gotten older and I consider potential interactions (like attending social events or not) the more my mental scale tilts in favor of not getting wiped out. The social interaction usually isn't worth the "cost" in terms of recovery time.

[regentrude]

I always was a raging extrovert and still am. The isolation and lack of social connection in the pandemic was affecting my mental health severely, and even with things somewhat more normal, I don't get the level of socializing that I need to thrive. That does not mean I don't enjoy time to myself - but being with people energizes me.

[Bootsie]

I am an extreme introvert--and DH is off the chart in terms of introversion, but finds phone calls, small talk, interacting with people much less tiring than I do.  To me, the introversion/extroversion is much more about how I interact with people rather than the quantity of interaction.  My child who is an extrovert will come home and say "I met the most interesting person today,  She is from Florida and has two brothers.  She is interested in tennis and is going to teach me how to improve my serve.  I think we are going to a movie together this weekend."  My child who is an introvert will come home and say "I met the most interesting person today.  She said something that I have been thinking about all day long.  She has an idea that best way to manage a company is according the X philosophy.  I can't wait until I see her again and ask her about what shy thinks about Y."  

[RootAnn]

Hm. Interesting @Bootsie.

My kids might say there was an interesting person & tell about what that person said/did. They likely did not engage with them at all in terms of speaking to them. Is that what you were getting at with an introvert's interaction vs an extrovert's interaction?

I don't actually know which of my kids might be an extrovert. Some definitely lean more ambivert.

[Bootsie]

3 minutes ago, RootAnn said:

Hm. Interesting @Bootsie.

My kids might say there was an interesting person & tell about what that person said/did. They likely did not engage with them at all in terms of speaking to them. Is that what you were getting at with an introvert's interaction vs an extrovert's interaction?

I don't actually know which of my kids might be an extrovert. Some definitely lean more ambivert.

They may have both equally engaged in talking with the person they met.  One child focuses on the characteristics of the person, the activities they will do together, and knows more details about the person's life, and is often ready to move on and do that with the next person they come in contact with.  The other child focuses on the ideas and concepts they discussed with the person, and tells me how those ideas, concepts, and the discussion impact him as a person.

[PeterPan]

3 hours ago, regentrude said:

I always was a raging extrovert and still am. The isolation and lack of social connection in the pandemic was affecting my mental health severely, and even with things somewhat more normal, I don't get the level of socializing that I need to thrive. That does not mean I don't enjoy time to myself - but being with people energizes me.

I'm with you on this. My usual strategy has been to go settings where people are paid to talk to you (stores, the cashiers, haha), conventions for whatever I'm into, and now cruising. You could probably find a cruise to suit you. I find there are usually people more than happy to talk, so even traveling alone or semi-alone I get my extrovert bucket filled. And I like the BIG ships, ones with lots going on. Carnival might be unintellectual, but there's always something FUN going on. 😄 

[regentrude]

1 minute ago, PeterPan said:

 You could probably find a cruise to suit you.

Hell no. You couldn't pay me to go on a cruise. I detest being at the mercy of somebody else's schedule, hate sleeping in hotels, avoid being with crowds of strangers. The things I like to do in my spare time are not compatible with cruising.

[Indigo Blue]

4 minutes ago, regentrude said:

Hell no. You couldn't pay me to go on a cruise. I detest being at the mercy of somebody else's schedule, hate sleeping in hotels, avoid being with crowds of strangers. The things I like to do in my spare time are not compatible with cruising.

I’m with you on that. Especially the part about being at the mercy of somebody else’s schedule. 

[regentrude]

Just to be clear: being an extrovert and feeling energized by people does not mean the person has to love being in large crowds of strangers. I detest fairs, carnivals, parades and any similar events. Being an extrovert doesn't mean seeking humans out indiscriminately. 

I like gathering with people who share my passion. Love poetry readings, jam sessions, dinner parties, firepit parties with friends, hosting receptions for my entire department. OTOH, I could never be persuaded to lead a group hike - I am extremely selective with whom I go into the woods or on the river. 

Edited October 22, 2021 by regentrude

[elegantlion]

I've always been introverted, but have become moreso in the last few years. 2020 was good in that I could work online and spend all my days with my SO - he's also an introvert. This semester I'm taking one class in person, which has been good for me. I like being around people on a limited basis, but I also don't fit in with that group much beyond the classroom. I found out well after class was over this week that a large group from class was going out to dinner. I didn't get invited, pretty sure there were a few others that didn't either. There are legit reasons, I think - like an age difference and they all started the program together last year, but it still stings a bit. As an introvert who was also tired, I might have turned them down, but it would have been nice to be invited. I think I'd be more extroverted if I had more money to do things, time to do some things at the spur of the moment, and didn't take rejection personally. I am quite content to do things alone, hang out alone or with SO, it really is my preference. 

Edited October 22, 2021 by elegantlion
typo

[Cordelia]

I always thought I was an introvert, but the pandemic isolation really wore on me. Now I find myself energized after I have the opportunity to be around other people. 

[TexasProud]

14 hours ago, regentrude said:

Just to be clear: being an extrovert and feeling energized by people does not mean the person has to love being in large crowds of strangers. I detest fairs, carnivals, parades and any similar events. Being an extrovert doesn't mean seeking humans out indiscriminately. 

I like gathering with people who share my passion. Love poetry readings, jam sessions, dinner parties, firepit parties with friends, hosting receptions for my entire department. OTOH, I could never be persuaded to lead a group hike - I am extremely selective with whom I go into the woods or on the river. 

YES!!!  I have always hated crowds and feel claustrophobic when I leave a concert or something and people are jammed up together. ( Haven't done that since college, but it makes me want to scream and run out of there. Really had to breathe.)  Yes, people I share passions with. So well said. 

And yeah, when we have traveled, the best time to go to places is right before they open. People just don't get up. You can enjoy things by yourself for several hours. It always amazes me. That has been true on hikes as well, which surprises me. 

[HomeAgain]

Dh was the extrovert in our early relationship.  He was the life of the party for years and really needed constant connection with people.  By around 35 he started mellowing out, and now at almost 50 he's a lot happier doing things on his own.  It's an interesting dichotomy between seeing posts from his old friend group and how they're still super active, to him, who is roaring to go on a long kayak trip by himself but meh about hanging with friends on a regular basis.

I'm still a moderate introvert.  I haven't changed much.

[scholastica]

Zombie thread. In this case 2 zombies. They must be multiplying.