I feel like I got a part-time job

[Condessa]

My six-year-old had a tumor removed from his spine just over a month ago.  We spent a month with him in hospitals and the other six kids farmed out to family and friends, who did their best to keep them going on very pared-down school assignments in core subjects.  But while that worked fine for some things, basically no one did anything but free write and read for language arts, my dyslexic girl got no instruction in spelling, and my sixth grader has made little progress in math--our most teacher intensive subjects.  And I figured, if we lost a month, it will be okay.  We'll manage

Now we're back, and figuring out what the plan is moving forward.  We now know that I am going to be driving my six-year-old to the nearest large city for physical therapy sessions three times a week.  In a couple of months, they may switch him to a therapist closer to home, but right now they want him with the expert in spinal trauma.  Plus I am doing brief exercises with him every few hours at home.  In a few days we will also find out whether or not he will be needing chemotherapy.  

I have a 6th, 5th, 4th, two 3rd, and a 1st grader, plus a 4-year-old.  If the schools were open, I would enroll everyone except my 1st grader (with the medical issues) in public school right after the holidays.  As it is, I don't know what to do.  Losing a month or two and needing to make it up in the summer is something we can handle.  Losing half a year is something else altogether.  But next week I will be gone for twelve hours during the school day driving my little guy back and forth, just for physical therapy.  (I.25 hours each way for 1.5 hour therapy sessions = 4 hours per session!)  I could potentially enroll them in virtual public school, and then there wouldn't be intensive teaching subjects for me, but I have doubts that that would actually result in them making more academic progress-and it would mean a lot less school flexibility as they are being babysat during those times. 

We could potentially send the foster girls to a different home.  We would hate to do this.  We love them, and there is a significant likelihood of us adopting two of them.  But I don't think it would make a huge dent in the homeschool logistics difficulty.  They are combined with my bio kids on the teacher-intensive problem subjects that they are involved in, so that wouldn't actually remove problem subjects from my plate.  

I guess I need to look for different curricula--is there a writing curriculum that actually teaches kids to write well, without requiring lots of engaged teacher time?  Does such a thing exist?

I just don't know how to make this work.  How do I homeschool if I'm not home?

[Drama Llama]

I don't have great answers for you, because my homeschool is absolutely not a model in how things should go, but as someone who has been through the challenges of homeschooling with a needy medically fragile kid who also spent a lot of time needing care at hospitals, and is now sorting out the homeschooling in another complex situation, I'd be happy to be a thought partner.  

[Rosie_0801]

How long do you expect your little guy to need the therapy?

[Condessa]

1 minute ago, Rosie_0801 said:

How long do you expect your little guy to need the therapy?

At this point we really don't know, but yesterday they were talking about two months out, six months out, etc. goals.  It will likely decrease in frequency as it gets further out.

[mommyoffive]

How short of a time can they be in virtual public school?  My kids are in one and it is great.  Depending on how yours works, all their classes could be handled by the school or it is more parent dependent.  If it was all lessons being taught for them, then it sounds like a good thing for them.  

Can they do other virtual schooling that teaches the classes?   I think there are a few places that do that.  

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

(Please don’t quote the identifying parts)

I was always homeschooled. My 5th grade year, my mom gave birth to a micropreemie who spent six months in the hospital(she survived and has done well).  Five months after she came home from the hospital, my brother died.

I bet you can imagine how much academics happened that year.  Still—we went to college. One sister is in a PhD program, I am finishing a master’s, another sister is an OT. We might have done extra heavy school the next year, but in the long run it wasn’t terrible.  We did the minimum to meet the state reporting requirements and a ton of free reading. 
This is a difficult time in your family.  Don’t worry as much about the academics. Even your 6th grader has time to catch up. You can do something like Time4Learning for the bare minimum and catch up when your family life has stabilized.

[athena1277]

Is there a friend or relative, maybe a grandparent, who could take over the tough subjects for a few months?  Maybe someone who could also stay with them while you are at therapy.  Or someone who could teach over Zoom so there is no risk of sharing germs.  There are a lot of lonely retirees around, you could probably find one who would love to have something to do while they can’t go out.

[mommyoffive]

Public Virtual School

Time4Learning

Khan Academy

Outschool

How about just schooling the days you are at home?  So 2 days a week and the weekends.  Or just teach them the 2 days and the other days have them set up to do things on their own.  Workbooks for the older ones.  Audiobooks.  Educational shows.  Free reading.  Science kits they can do on their own, like Snap Circuits, Legos, or other science kits.  Leave them some art kits.  

[rebcoola]

Even 6 months is not that huge a deal in the scheme of things.  VIEW or Essentials in writing with videos are good programs that would teach you would just need to check the work.  Teaching textbooks for math.  Work with you dyslexic or find a tutor and let everything else go.  You could add Nessy online to help with them to.

[PeterPan]

2 minutes ago, athena1277 said:

Is there a friend or relative, maybe a grandparent, who could take over the tough subjects for a few months?  Maybe someone who could also stay with them while you are at therapy.

Love this idea along with a really pared, realistic list. Write something, read something, math something, and let them pursue their own interests for the rest. Let them set some goals for themselves, something they'd like to do, and journal how they're doing it. For the writing, I would be ok with writing prompts in that situation. It is NOT the end of the world if they do that for a year, work on typing, and get back to formal writing later. Jump In has some really nice writing prompts in their ™, an entire year's worth. I used them with my dd around that age. 

[City Mouse]

If it makes you feel any better, kids in “regular” public schools are not making the kind of progress this year that might e made during a non-pandemic year. With kids as young as yours, I don’t think that a virtual public school would be of much help. While you wouldn’t be responsible for planning and curriculum, it still requires a lot of parent support hours and would add a lot of stress trying to keep up with all the requirements.

[alisoncooks]

When DH was undergoing chemo, and we spent hours each week in hospital waiting rooms, CLE was a godsend. Little self-contained (mostly) workbooks that fit easily in our bags (reading and math are all we used.) I'm not recommending that for you, OP; only saying that I'm sure there's a workable, good-enough solution for this time. And I whole-heartedly agree that 6 months (give or take) is pretty small in the grand scope. Define your bare minimum and focus on getting that done (for us it was math & reading). 

[TravelingChris]

And for your dyslexic, who I assume is not the 6th grader, I really wouldn't fret about spelling.  I had one dyslexic and one horrible speller who wasn't dyslexic and one child who didn't need spelling lessons because he was so good at spelling.  

Outcomes as adults- horrible speller has been working for a number of years now as a text editor and has gotten promotions and raises.  Her spelling has improved, obviously, but it wasn't anything I was able to really get done.  Also, she works on the computer and it is your spelling friend.  The dyslexic got through college successfully where one of her favorite classes was a literature class with lots of writing and has completed her first year of employment as a test engineer as of Sept.   Again spelling lessons didn't help much with her.  She had a much easier time spelling in Spanish.

[Condessa]

23 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:

How short of a time can they be in virtual public school?  My kids are in one and it is great.  Depending on how yours works, all their classes could be handled by the school or it is more parent dependent.  If it was all lessons being taught for them, then it sounds like a good thing for them.  

Can they do other virtual schooling that teaches the classes?   I think there are a few places that do that.  

From what I have heard, our local schools want kids on zoom calls off and on all day long, with little breaks in between to complete assignments.

Other virtual schooling might be something to look into.  My oldest does some classes through CLRC, and having her math be online would at least take care of one of the problem subjects.  I am not sure about the others' abilities to manage an online class yet, but maybe.

17 minutes ago, athena1277 said:

Is there a friend or relative, maybe a grandparent, who could take over the tough subjects for a few months?  Maybe someone who could also stay with them while you are at therapy.  Or someone who could teach over Zoom so there is no risk of sharing germs.  There are a lot of lonely retirees around, you could probably find one who would love to have something to do while they can’t go out.

My mom will be here in an instant if we need her--but she can't stay for months on end.  She has commitments at home, including caring for my elderly grandma.  I wish we lived near the supportive side of our family.  

[ktgrok]

I'd assume that most of the kids, if they did nothing, could make it up next year. 

That said, I'd not do NOTHING, lol. But I'd let all/most work through Khan Academy or Teaching Textbooks for math, and pay for Read, Write, Spell and Type for the dyslexic (typing plus O-G phonics) and/or a Nessy subscription. 

and make an evening habit of watching an educational show together - alternate some science and social studies stuff. 

Do read alouds at breakfast or whenever works for your schedule, and some audio books. And rethink everything after the holidays. 

[Terabith]

My only question would be the foster kids and what you're absolutely required to do for them.  Like, in general, I think a lost half year can be made up.  Heck, I did some math when I was student teaching and realizing how much time in public school is spent on standardized test prep, and my kid not being in public school from K-8 had the equivalent of 1.5 extra school years of education from not taking standardized tests and benchmarks and pre-benchmarks and associated testing.  Add in pandemic and that MOST kids are losing a lot, and I wouldn't blink about the educational impacts long term.  

But foster parenting adds in a whole other level of stuff, and I don't know what is required there.  

Time4Learning, Teaching Textbooks, CLE, something like Word Wasp or Elizabeth's online phonics videos, typing instruction.  I actually have one kid who has unschooled huge amounts of science, history, literature, baking, car maintenance from YouTube.  It's kind of insane really how much she's learned completely on her own because she likes snark.  

[Junie]

Disclaimer: I am a much more relaxed homeschooler than many on this board.  Not an unschooler, but relaxed.  We have always homeschooled.  And I have two kids in college.  That being said...

I would pare down what you're doing until it is more manageable.

Several years ago I started getting daily migraines.  Sometimes I could kind of teach through them.  Other days I had to stay in bed with all of the lights off.  The headaches are better now and not as frequent, but they were daily for 3 years.  I couldn't predict the bad days, so we had to become very flexible.  This started when ds20 was in 10th grade, so it lasted for most of the high school years for my oldest two.  And for the very early elementary years for dd10.

During the really bad years, math was the priority.  (And learning to read for dd10.)  My high schoolers became very independent learners.

Best wishes to you!  I think you can do this! :)

 

[Drama Llama]

41 minutes ago, Condessa said:

From what I have heard, our local schools want kids on zoom calls off and on all day long, with little breaks in between to complete assignments.

One thing that took me a while to come to is that crisis school doesn’t have to look the same for each kid.  One of my kids is very good at self directed play and keeps himself busy with things that are pretty science adjacent.  I can be OK with letting him just do that and still feel strongly about doing science with his brother.  You could do virtual PS or online classes for one and not the others. 

Quote

Other virtual schooling might be something to look into.  My oldest does some classes through CLRC, and having her math be online would at least take care of one of the problem subjects.  I am not sure about the others' abilities to manage an online class yet, but maybe.

My mom will be here in an instant if we need her--but she can't stay for months on end.  She has commitments at home, including caring for my elderly grandma.  I wish we lived near the supportive side of our family.  

Would she be willing to help teach virtually?  I often have my kids pull up a PDF assignment in the app Notability or on a website, or in a google doc, open a google meet with them, and share their screen.  Then I can talk them through, or just monitor that they’re doing it.  

My older relatives, who couldn’t manage most of the more technologically complex pieces of teaching online, could do that.  

We use some Oak Meadow curriculum and it lends itself well to working in that way.  

[Drama Llama]

Sorry, I thought one of the posts didn't go through.  

Edited December 10, 2020 by BaseballandHockey

[prairiewindmomma]

It is almost exactly like that---an extra 20-30 hours of your time that you've got to dedicate.

We've had to do this a few times---when ^dd^ got cancer, my hospital bedrest/Youngest's NICU stay, etc.

A few thoughts:

1. Virtual school is not helpful. You lose all of your flexibility. BTDT, got the t-shirt, set it aflame in the driveway. Like, avoid at all costs.

2. Move all history and science to documentaries (like Crash Course Science, Nature, Nova) or audio (like Story of the World).  Acknowledge you are in a season of crisis and realize that even that is still much better than a lot of public school science and history.  Make peace, and move on.

3. Math and ELA have to happen. Figure out a plan.  If therapy is MWF, then dedicate T and R wholly to homeschool. Seriously. No grocery shopping, no cleaning, no whatever else.  You are the least replaceable part of this all.  You have to be laser focused on what you are doing and why.  I would focus my ELA on reading/phonics and ease up a bit on writing for everybody but the 6th grader. Much of jr high is writing. There is time to catch up.  If you wanted to, I would consider having them narrate history or science to you and call that writing for the youngers. Or have them listen to a classic read aloud. I have you-tube read to my kids while we fold laundry or do other things. Learning to focus your thoughts and express them clearly is the basis of good writing. Math will not wait for you. Get the math done.  If you don't have a good app for math, set that up. IXL. Khan Academy. Whatever floats your boat.

4. If I recall correctly, I'd guess that you are LDS. (If I'm wrong on this, sorry!) If you don't have family to lean on, I'd find someone in your ward.  Ask if they can help with cleaning or meals or grocery pick up (You order online, they pick up and bring home)---something that you can pass off. Now is the time to lean on your support network. You'll have plenty of years to give back. People generally want to be helpful, but don't know how. If you can be specific, and put that out there, odds are others would love to be of service.

5. You will find a new rhythm---rather quickly, actually. If you can manage a houseful of kids, you already have the basics of multi-tasking.  Triage. Figure out your priorities and let the rest go.  Six months is still a short window of time in the grand of schemes! You can get through this!

 

[mommyoffive]

Someone brought up a good point I didn't think of, what do you have to do for the foster kids?

And yes, I think a lot of kids lost time in school this year because of the pandemic. 

Add me to the list of people who took time off.  Before we used the public virtual school we homeschooled on our own.  But every pregnancy I would spend the first 3-4 months way to sick to school the kids.  My oldest went through that 4 times.  Add in the time we weren't doing much when we had a newborn and she probably lost 6 months at least every time.  She is now in public virtual high school getting all As and she did in Junior high too.  I think we get worried in that moment, but things can be fine later on.  I would do something, but you can do less and they will be ok.  We school in the summer too, more to keep them fresh at this point.  But if we had to take time off during the year, I would do normal school in the summer too. 

[Ausmumof3]

IEW has good video lessons that could be somewhat independent.  My older kids are semi independent with writing with skill.
if you have the finance available can you get a cleaner or someone for a while.  If someone was taking care of the mundane stuff it would help you have more time for the school stuff.  
I know someone who did nothing but journaling for writing and the kids did fine - no one with dyslexia though.

[Hilltopmom]

We went through this when we had foster children (infants & toddlers) and a medically fragile child plus 2 elementary aged kids I was homeschooling who then got older and we were still in the same situation.

We unschooled. Not un parented but unschooled academics. We did lots of board games, audio books, documentaries. No math or writing until jr high.(oldest was gifted and picked it up on his own, younger has special needs and needed remediation which I got to eventually).

I wouldn’t unschool for multiple long years again but would have no problem for a year or two. I’d do an easy math program though and teach everyone to read, so not really unschooling, I know.

I’m teaching pubic school right now and our students are not getting much out of school last year or this year. Don’t do the public school virtual school- you don’t want to be beholden to their schedule or assignments.

It really is ok to take 6 months off (or more) and only do read alouds or only math a few days a week. A lot of the world is missing school this year anyways.
 

Edited December 10, 2020 by Hilltopmom

[Miss Tick]

I have no idea what the appointments require from you directly or what their waiting room situation is like, but could your older kids ride along (maybe in alternating groups) to the appointments? Audio book on the drive down, intensive work in the waiting room with you or while waiting, perhaps a 20 minute wrap up after and then nothing in particular on the drive home.

I can't imagine this would work in Covid times, but I'll leave it in case some part is salvageable.

[GoodGrief3]

You really do have a complicated situation there. I hope you are being kind to yourself.

I do understand the feeling of having medical issues for a child turn into a part time job (or more than that, really, once you add travel into the mix. And advocacy time.)

Public school might be a solution during normal times, but if it's online school in your area, it seems like a worse solution. My experience with kids and public school is that the time commitment is not less so much, just different. Though you don't have to physically be there during a portion of the day.

It sounds like the foster children are truly family. I would not change anything there.

We always tended to have very busy lives and did a lot of car schooling. You have a few more kids though, and pandemic times don't really allow for ridealongs. I would definitely be looking at curric that is open and go with short lessons. Now is not the time to worry about excellence in writing for a grade schooler. Just keep plugging along learning something. A simple math workbook, simple language arts workbook, and videos or books for science and social studies. Nothing heavy. Certainly nothing project based, unless that is really your thing.

Maybe consider hiring someone to work with the kids on their simple school plan on the days you have to be gone.

[Sherry in OH]

Language arts for 3rd and 4th grade - The Critical Thinking Company's Language Smarts workbooks.  This series is open and go.  Instructions are printed at the top of each worksheet.   You can the children start at beginning of their grade's designated workbook or skip around to cover the topics you feel a particular child most needs.  Assign a few pages to complete independently each week.  Check work on the days you are home. (Answer key is at the back of the workbook.).  

Consider Wordsmith Apprentice for your 5th and 6th graders.

Can you teach your current math programs two days a week and have your children do problem sets the days you are not home?  Otherwise, for a workbook approach, consider The Critical Thinking Company's Mathematical Reasoning series plus Khan Academy for reinforcement.  

[mathnerd]

I think that you should rely on curricula that are video based and do not require much teacher involvement for completing this school year. Math has options like TT, Science is easy because you could assign them documentaries to watch and write a summary each week and maybe do some hands on science experiment every 2-3 weeks. English could be a simple spelling and vocabulary program, assigned reading, free choice reading, assigned poetry memorization, sharing what they read in a group discussion, a good grammar workbook and watching good quality movie remakes of classic literature.

But, if you are not happy with how the Spring term is going, I think that you should plan on doing regular or more intensive schooling in the summer. That could easily set you back on track without adding extra worries on you while you focus on your son's recovery.

[RootAnn]

With those ages, I'd prioritize certain things & let the rest be extra if you can.

- Working one-on-one with your dyslexic on the days you are home. 30 minutes each time

- Oldest kids' math.

- If you have any school-age kids that don't know how to read yet, work on that.

You can use workbooks if you want, but I'd focus on reading & math and do it in a loop schedule. For example, on days you are home, you have your Must Dos (say spelling with your dyslexic, math instruction for the older two), then a list that loops through the next set of priorities (math with others, writing with olders, reading, etc). Wherever you left off last time, you pick up there after the Must Dos & go until a certain time or you are tired. Every few weeks, you can shuffle your loop if you find you aren't getting to someone or something enough. As you are home more, you get through the loop more often. Once you find yourself getting through your loop at close the frequency you want each day or week, you habe permission to add ONE (just one) item to the loop (not one item per kid). Rinse. Wash. Repeat.

[Ottakee]

I would not do virtual schooling as it would be chaos to keep up with all of the zoom meeting, etc.

If it fits your religious background, Christian Light Education (CLE) is a solid, mostly self teaching program.  I loved their math.   Another option is ACE.

 

If the one with dyslexia is not the oldest, look into Apples and Pears spelling and Dancing Bears reading.  It is designed for dyslexics but can be taught by a student that can read well.  Only takes 30 minutes or so a day.

I say, get the kids reading, keep up with math and then left the rest fall to videos, life, library books, etc.

They are not the only ones not getting optimal education this year....and life and caring for their brother and living life as a family is a lot of education too.

[Melissa in Australia]

Hugs

What about abeka language workbook 1 page per day.  I have always used it as open and go. 

Writeshop is pretty open and go with minimum  instruction. Possably use it on the days you are not available. 

Mathomatic reasoning is a good suplimental math program. I use it with my twins below level. It is one of the very few things they can do pretty independently. 

[MercyA]

4 minutes ago, Ottakee said:

If it fits your religious background, Christian Light Education (CLE) is a solid, mostly self teaching program.  I loved their math.   

I was going to recommend Christian Light Education as well. Very solid, very easy-to-use, open and go, self-teaching. Their workbooks are portable and inexpensive. 

They write from a Mennonite perspective, which we appreciate.

[Melissa in Australia]

It will be OK, they will catch up

My oldest has profound dyslexia. He went to public school until half way through grade 5. It wasn't until I started homeschooling him half way through grade 5 he had any phonics or remedial help.  He could not  really read or write until then. He started  a degree in aerospace engineering at 17

[Scarlett]

Like @Mrs Tiggywinklesays.....a pretty big lot of time can be missed and life will go on.  I would not recommend virtual schools at all because they are too time intensive.  Stick with a small amount of the basics. Focus on family and healing. (((Hugs)))

Side comment, I did not know foster kids could be homeschooled. 

[Melissa in Australia]

There are some great apps around nowadays as well 

Teach your monster to read is great for reinforcing phonics. I am sure others will have some great suggestions

[Harriet Vane]

I agree with the others and will add the idea to hire help. Either give up on cleaning and groceries and outsource those, or get a teacher helper to cover some of the bases.

[BusyMom5]

I have had a few mildly stressful times that we had to cut back to basics.  I would sit down and write out the bare minimum you must help with for each kid- it may differ by kid- some may be able to do an online math by themselves, others may need explicit instruction and encouragement for every problem.   Reading- the dyslexic kid will need the one on one instruction but others may be just reading on level to gain fluency or listen to books on tape.  I'd drop Spelling unless they just need the workbook and can do it on their own (we use Soaring with Spelling and my kids never need help).  I'd also drop writing instruction- littles can do copywork, olders can write a short paragraph a few times a week.  

For the days you are gone, let the kids watch a movie- ones based on good books or seasonal.  Let them watch science shows and play games.  Drop all formal science and history for a bit and get through the next 2-4 months.  

My goal would be to not drop skills, they don't even have to move forward, just don't loose what they've got! 

 

[Condessa]

Thank you all for your responses and ideas.  Sorry about not responding.  I am struggling right now.  We met with Ri’s oncologist and learned that he will definitely need chemotherapy, the question is just when—how much time can we give him to recover from his neurosurgery before going into that.  And once he starts, it will last for 1.5 to 2 years.  I had no idea chemo could be like that.  I thought patients had relatively short courses of chemo, and repeated them as necessary.  And they have repeatedly called it a fairly benign tumor, and talked about how it is at this point not so much life-threatening at function-threatening.  But she gave actual stats, and I know that an 87% survival rate is really good, but in my mind “benign” and “not life threatening” did not equal 13% chance your kid is dying of this.

The good is that he probably does have time to wait and recover.  Unless MRIs show change from just a month ago, they will plan on more MRIs in three months to reassess then whether it is time or if they can give him another three months.  Because the chemo will slow his nervous system’s recovery and impede his physical therapy, so they want him to recover as much as possible before they start.

 I am also feeling overwhelmed.  I realize now that I was thinking of this battle in terms of months, and we now know we are going to be fighting it for decades.

Edited December 12, 2020 by Condessa

[Splash1]

On August 28, 2012 my daughter was admitted to the hospital for what ended up being a 35 day stay in the PICU and diagnosed with a life long chronic disease that requires an infusion every two weeks at the hospital, as well as specialists visits for neurology, gastroenterology, nephrology, PT, OT and regular pediatrician and later therapist for mental health as well.  At the time I had a first grader, 7th, 9th and 12th.  She was a 5th grader.  Fortunately oldest was in school.  9th grader was in hybrid classes and teachers tried to help him as much as they could the two days he was there. The others my mother in law worked with them doing math and reading.  That was it.  My 7th grader is dyslexic but fortunately we had finished her tutoring as was reading at level, we were in the writing and grammar phase.  For that entire school year all they did was reading and math with documentaries, and books on tape, etc filling in the other subjects.  My little first grader learned to do his schoolwork in hospital outpatient centers, or with his oldest sister.  For him it definitely put him a bit behind but after a couple of years he caught up.  Our motto was we will just do the next thing and not worry about it.  My 5th grader didn't do school work for the entire first year officially.  We were basically in survival mode. Sometimes school didn't even happen until after dinner when dad was home and could help out or be with other kids while I worked one on one with someone.  

  All this is to say, we made it through, looking back part of me thinks maybe they should have been enrolled in school but honestly their sister was so sick they were afraid to let her or me out of their sight once we got home.  Fast forward 8 years Dyslexic daughter is a senior in college and applying to grad school,  dd with rare disease still doing infusions but much more physically stable just finished first semester at college in engineering with As and Bs.  Youngest son is now a freshman and finished his first semester at college prep school with As and B, he started in the middle school when his sister started high school as he didn't like being only kid at home.  School advisor said he was impressed that all the kids were on level or above in their reading, writing and math scores when they entered the school.  (I'm not a homeschool high school mom so all went to an early college high school charter for high school).

As for the medical piece in all this.  Having a child with a chronic, expensive disease means you do have a part time job.  Over the years I've spent hundreds of hours driving, in appointments, doing therapies, talking to nurses, fighting for care, advocating for my child,  trying to figure out how to get things paid for, learning about the disease, etc.  Every time I think maybe now I'll get a job something comes up where I spend hours a day on the phone with nurses, insurance, etc.  It is exhausting and way harder than it should be even though we have excellent insurance coverage.  

Anyway, take the help that is offered and give yourself grace.  

[Scarlett]

37 minutes ago, Condessa said:

Thank you all for your responses and ideas.  Sorry about not responding.  I am struggling right now.  We met with Ri’s oncologist and learned that he will definitely need chemotherapy, the question is just when—how much time can we give him to recover from his neurosurgery before going into that.  And once he starts, it will last for 1.5 to 2 years.  I had no idea chemo could be like that.  I thought patients had relatively short courses of chemo, and repeated them as necessary.  And they have repeatedly called it a fairly benign tumor, and talked about how it is at this point not so much life-threatening at function-threatening.  But she gave actual stats, and I know that an 87% survival rate is really good, but in my mind “benign” and “not life threatening” did not equal 13% chance your kid is dying of this.

The good is that he probably does have time to wait and recover.  Unless MRIs show change from just a month ago, they will plan on more MRIs in three months to reassess then whether it is time or if they can give him another three months.  Because the chemo will slow his nervous system’s recovery and impede his physical therapy, so they want him to recover as much as possible before they start.

 I am also feeling overwhelmed.  I realize now that I was thinking of this battle in terms of months, and we now know we are going to be fighting it for decades.

Wow that IS overwhelming.  Throw in a Pandemic and it is more than anyone can do.  When the Pandemic is over ou can put them in school.  Until then just do the bare minimum.  

[Splash1]

Just adding that we switched to the Christian Light curriculum during this time for youngest.  So easy and he liked it.

 

[Dmmetler]

Does the hospital you're working with have any family support available? Have you talked to the educational staff? I know that the folks at St. Jude's are often very involved in making sure siblings who are here while their sib gets treatment have their educational needs met. We had a few enrolled at my school when I was still teaching because we were geographically close, and I know that they also have worked with families where the child is getting distance learning materials from their home district/school. Maybe they would have some advice or support, both in short and long term-and even if they aren't doing much now due to COVID, they might be able to help during the chemo phase if it is going to stretch for several years. 

[alisoncooks]

Maybe a small glimmer, but perhaps the 1.5-2 years of chemo will not all be the same level of intensity.  My DH had 3ish years of his chemo (lymphoma). It was very intense for about 6 months (an inpatient stay every month/cycle, side effects, etc). The remaining time was at first outpatient (in clinic) and then finally just oral (pills); a reduction in intensity as we went along. So maybe your situation will be similar. Best wishes. 

[Drama Llama]

1 hour ago, Condessa said:

Thank you all for your responses and ideas.  Sorry about not responding.  I am struggling right now.  We met with Ri’s oncologist and learned that he will definitely need chemotherapy, the question is just when—how much time can we give him to recover from his neurosurgery before going into that.  And once he starts, it will last for 1.5 to 2 years.  I had no idea chemo could be like that.  I thought patients had relatively short courses of chemo, and repeated them as necessary.  And they have repeatedly called it a fairly benign tumor, and talked about how it is at this point not so much life-threatening at function-threatening.  But she gave actual stats, and I know that an 87% survival rate is really good, but in my mind “benign” and “not life threatening” did not equal 13% chance your kid is dying of this.

The good is that he probably does have time to wait and recover.  Unless MRIs show change from just a month ago, they will plan on more MRIs in three months to reassess then whether it is time or if they can give him another three months.  Because the chemo will slow his nervous system’s recovery and impede his physical therapy, so they want him to recover as much as possible before they start.

 I am also feeling overwhelmed.  I realize now that I was thinking of this battle in terms of months, and we now know we are going to be fighting it for decades.

I am so sorry.  It is really overwhelming.  

I will be thinking of you and praying for you.  

[Ottakee]

Hugs to you.  This is all overwhelming.   For now, just do the next thing.  By Summer, hopefully the pandemic will have settled down, you will have a clear picture of treatment and goals, etc.

Focus in reading and math and the rest can come how it comes.   There is much to be learned from caring for a sibling and learning to help with therapy, etc.

[Tanaqui]

Right now, everybody is losing about a year of school. That's unavoidable. So in a way, your timing couldn't be better!

But even otherwise... I really believe that anybody can make up one year of school. You don't want to do it on purpose if you can help it, of course, but in an unusual circumstance, you can make up a single year of school. This is that unusual circumstance.

I would focus on the free reading, free writing, spelling, and math. It's okay if you only do school a few days out of the week - progress is slow, but it's still progress. I bet that by this time next year we'll have a better grip on this pandemic, and it may be feasible to put the kids in brick-and-mortar school if you still are doing so much therapy that homeschool isn't really happening. (The only reason, indeed, that I say "may" be feasible is that your one child may have a compromised immune system. That wouldn't be great. But why borrow trouble?)

[cintinative]

I have a friend who does zoom story time with grandma every week--do you have a parent/aunt/uncle or friend that might enjoy doing this? Maybe one of them would be willing to do a daily read aloud time (with a novel you tell them to read)? Or maybe they could do history read alouds?  Or science?  

Praying for you!!

[Melissa in Australia]

huge hugs

sending positive thoughts

 

[Condessa]

After taking several days off to freak out first, I think I have worked out some logistics.

I switched ds6’s phonics from AAR to OPGtR—I think AAR was great for his learning style when he was actually learning to read, but now that he is reading and we are going through the later phonics, I think OPG will work well and take a lot less time.  I am considering dropping spelling with him for this year.  What he is using doesn’t seem to be working, and I suspect that he would do well with AAS like my dd10, but I don’t have the time to add it right now.  For him, my goal is to complete a normal full school day on any day he doesn’t have medical appointments (2 or sometimes 1 day a week) and to at least get something academic done on the other days.  He is only in first grade, and he can read and is ahead in math, so even if he lost a year entirely he would be okay.

 After the Christmas break, I am going to put my dd11 into the self-paced online option for the second half of AOPS Prealgebra.  That will put her at three online classes.  I am also going to put an alarm on my phone to remind myself to check what she has done in her online classes each evening, because she still needs the oversight. Catching back up after she fell behind this semester was tough.

After considering switching the middle five kids’ language arts, I’ve decided to instead rearrange the schedule to put it all on Tuesdays and Thursdays when we don’t have weekly appointments, and load the more independent subjects onto MWFs.  I already have everything prepped, pre-printed, and planned for the year, so I am not going to reinvent the wheel.  And I had scheduled a poetry unit for the last part of the year, so while it would be really nice to get to that, we do have a cushion after the end of the plans for academic writing instruction if we fall behind.

Which leaves only my dyslexic girl’s spelling, of the problem subjects.  If we make it a priority to do that the first thing after breakfast each day, we can make it happen consistently.

The science and history plans I had aren’t coming back this year, but I have a stack of MEL science kits that the kids can probably do independently with the babysitter’s supervision. Maybe they could watch something like horrible histories with her, too.  Or maybe I could play the audiobook of SOTW at bedtime or something.

 

The MRIs confirmed that we have at least until March before beginning chemotherapy, so they are packing in as much therapy as possible to try to get Ri as far along in recovery as we can by then.  They are adding in occupational therapy starting on Monday, so it will be a five hour commitment on Mondays and Wednesdays and four hours on Fridays.  But there are other people who manage to work a job and also homeschool.  This should be possible.  

Edited December 19, 2020 by Condessa

[Ottakee]

Thanks for the update.  That sounds like a very workable plan.

 

For the dyslexic spelling, what about trying Apples and Pears?  It is totally scripted and only takes 10-15 mi Utes a day AND one of the older kids/solid reader could do it, as again, they just have to read the script.   It is a great program.

[Carol in Cal.]

You have a good plan.  Hugs to you!

For the oldest, you might look at a Bravewriter online class.  They are great, and they are shortish, so you don’t have to commit for an entire semester or year.