Music choices of teenagers

[saraha]

Do you let your teenagers choose the types of music they listen too?

Edited December 1, 2020 by saraha

[Katy]

I said other because while generally they can listen to whatever they want, we wouldn’t tolerate anything encouraging crime, violence, rape, or objectifying women. Basically none of the gangster rap my neighbor liked when I was 13.  
 

I remember listening to a radio station one summer day when I was maybe 12.  It was the 90’s.  An Aerosmith song came on, and my mom came in and complained about the noise and turned it off. My best friend was there and I was embarrassed. The next day (my friend was there again), my grandfather brought over some boxes of stuff that mom had never gotten when she moved out. There was a box of records, and in the box was an album from the 70’s featuring the same song. I still tease my mom about that today. I don’t want to be that mom. 

[MercyA]

I had to choose other! I probably would limit her music choices, but DD12 is more sensitive than I am when it comes to off-color lyrics. She doesn't mind minor swear words, but more than that makes her uncomfortable. 

She is one of the few girls in her friend group who listens to secular music. Well, unless you count show tunes. 😀

Edited December 1, 2020 by MercyA

[katilac]

I voted that music played in public areas had to meet a standard, but that standard was mostly me being able to bear listening to it. 

My misspent youth was filled with raunchy music. We talked about some of the problematic songs, and I didn't buy them, but I also didn't forbid them. 

[Lady Marmalade]

We never limited our kids music choices, but we never really had the need to. Fortunately they never gravitated towards inappropriate music.  By inappropriate I mean gangsta style, lots of language, s@x, etc. 

As far as delivery of music, the only one anyone has had to have a discussion with is DH. 😆   He thinks nothing of blaring his music while he's working around the house and doesn't care if it's something none of the rest of us want to listen to.  Mostly the kids and myself prefer solo listening via earbud unless we're in the car.

[rebcoola]

No not really we did hit the don't allow explicit on their phone controls.  

[Farrar]

Mushroom knows I don't enjoy some of the rap he likes, particularly and that if he plays those songs - especially things that have the N-word a LOT or that are especially demeaning toward women - then I'm just more likely to seize control of the car radio myself in general more often, even if I'm not censoring particular songs. So he tends to put on Childish Gambino, Logic, Eminem... hip hop artists I like more than he does DaBaby or Lil Baby... guys, why are they all called BABY? Sigh. I mean, he also likes a lot of other stuff too. He has wide ranging taste, he's just been listening to a lot of rap lately. The annoying thing is that I'll be like, let's put on Tribe Called Quest and he's not okay with that. Kids, y'all.

BalletBoy only listens to like, Monstercat and video game music and musicals. It's more annoying than offensive. Not really censorship material unless you mean because I can only listen to so many renditions of songs from Nintendo games.

[BlsdMama]

I listened to utter trash as a high schooler... think Nine Inch Nails. I’d prefer my kids never listen to some of the garbage I listened to. 
 

DS and I have been known to fight over lyrics. He likes country. I like country. I despise Luke Bryan. How about he jumps into my truck and fetches me a beer?! Just sayin’.

So yes, there is ((gasp)) absolutely banned music in my house. However, it’s not based on something as trivial as genre. I listened to a full week of KPop for our teen and think I deserve a medal... but her music is so important to her that we would miss out on part of who she is if music was relegated to bedrooms and headphones. 

[Guest]

Like others, my standard is "can I tolerate it". Usually that means oldies, show tunes, and other sing along stuff when we're in the car. 

[fairfarmhand]

I don't want swearing or violent lyrics. And I would be really frustrated if my kids wanted to listen to that. But so far, none of my kids have ever wante to listen to garbage music.

Some songs aren't allowed in the general public because they're annoying.

[Sneezyone]

25 minutes ago, Farrar said:

Mushroom knows I don't enjoy some of the rap he likes, particularly and that if he plays those songs - especially things that have the N-word a LOT or that are especially demeaning toward women - then I'm just more likely to seize control of the car radio myself in general more often, even if I'm not censoring particular songs. So he tends to put on Childish Gambino, Logic, Eminem... hip hop artists I like more than he does DaBaby or Lil Baby... guys, why are they all called BABY? Sigh. I mean, he also likes a lot of other stuff too. He has wide ranging taste, he's just been listening to a lot of rap lately. The annoying thing is that I'll be like, let's put on Tribe Called Quest and he's not okay with that. Kids, y'all.

BalletBoy only listens to like, Monstercat and video game music and musicals. It's more annoying than offensive. Not really censorship material unless you mean because I can only listen to so many renditions of songs from Nintendo games.

FWIW—I would happily join you in listening to a Tribe Called Quest. I fear my children will never know the joy of listening to Arrested Development. I cannot abide trap music and emo rap. At all. I also cannot stand music with nonsensical lyrics, whiny moping or grunting, and a surfeit of auto tune (which seems to be much of what DD likes these days). The rest of us can play away. 🤣

Edited December 1, 2020 by Sneezyone

[Terabith]

I posted that my kids can listen to anything they want, but in practice, if it was loud or obnoxious in public areas of the house, I'd ask them to take it to headphones or something.  And I've never had any objection with anything my kids liked, so if I strongly hated it, that might be a different story.  

[rdj2027]

We don't limit our kids' music choices but between 70/80's pop music, elevator jazz, some Japanese/Korean and classical music there isn't  much to object to.  

 

 

Edited December 1, 2020 by rdj2027
Edited for spelling

[alisoncooks]

I voted that music must pass a standard...but in practice, I'm no longer much involved in the choosing of music. When DD (14) was younger, she had to have lyrics approved before she could buy the song on iTunes. We talked about why certain songs she liked (from radio) were not approved to buy. But now she has Spotify so....??? She knows what we do/don't like in content/lyrics and now she is on her own. 

[MercyA]

58 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

I listened to utter trash as a high schooler... think Nine Inch Nails. I’d prefer my kids never listen to some of the garbage I listened to. 

But did you see them in concert? I did... 😉 

ETA: And, yeah, I don't think playing Trent Reznor on repeat did my mental or spiritual health any good--although my DH was also a fan, also at the concert, and was and is the most genuinely righteous man I know. Some people are more influenced by these things than others.

Edited December 1, 2020 by MercyA

[Forget-Me-Not]

My kids seem to be pretty good at self-monitoring on this front. As for what is played, a lot has to do with what I can tolerate. My teen daughter likes a lot of electro-pop. Lyrics aren’t objectionable, but the heavy use of synthesizer and auto tune drives me up the wall.  It’s funny, she was on a Discord chat with some classmates the other day and they were all contributing to a common playlist while they studied (such is the state of education in 2020 😂). One kid was playing 70s stuff like the Eagles and Fleetwood Mac. It took me aback for a second when I walked through until she explained what they were doing! 

Edited December 1, 2020 by Forget-Me-Not

[Farrar]

46 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

FWIW—I would happily join you in listening to a Tribe Called Quest. I fear my children will never know the joy of listening to Arrested Development. I cannot abide trap music and emo rap. At all. I also cannot stand music with nonsensical lyrics, whiny moping or grunting, and a surfeit of auto tune (which seems to be much of what DD likes these days). The rest of us can play away. 🤣

I ADORE Arrested Development. There was a conversation about favorite rap group ever and I was like, they're still in my top three or so. But this is apparently a deep embarrassment to my kid and his budding love of rap. I don't mind the nonsense. Like, I don't make him turn off Lil Mosey, who is just complete nonsense. I was like, what the heck IS a Blueberry Faygo. My kid had to explain that Lil Mosey himself didn't know but just liked the way it sounded. What's Poppin kinda grew on me throughout the summer and that's both dirty as all get out and nonsense at the same time. Like, Jack Harlow yells out "Canada!" at one point that makes zero sense. The autotune is across all genres and it's deeply horrible.

Anyway, if we ever meet, we'll crank up the Tribe Called Quest and Arrested Development and embarrass the kids.

[Drama Llama]

I'm somewhere between 2 and 3.  I'll put a limit on volume, or if I'm trying to homeschool little brother and it's distracting, but not on content.

[*Jessica*]

I don’t have any limits, but the teens do self-censor when their 9yo sister is around.  They mostly listen to music we like, though, and neither likes rap which is where the questionable lyrics tend to be IMO. I’m the one most likely to be listening to rap, anyway. 

[*Jessica*]

Oh, I do censor for annoying content!  I am not an AC/DC fan.  

[SeaConquest]

My kids censor me! I still think I am 19 and listen to the music you'd find in a dance club in Europe (or a strip club in the US). 😎

[skimomma]

For the Arrested Development fans, they are STILL TOURING.  We saw them a few years ago, dd included, and it was one of the best shows I have ever attended.

I also subjected myself to a NIN concert many years ago.  It was terrible, actually.  One of the worst performances I ever attended.

No limits here.  We do have rules about not being obnoxious, in general, so anything that was annoying someone else in public spaces would be discussed.  But we are a huge music family and we listen to literally any genre from classical to country to rap to techno.  We spend most of our (pre-pandemic) travel time attending and/or performing live music and it is almost a family competition to see who can drag home the best new music find.  We did a bit of a study on "offensive" lyrics not long ago only to learn that often (but not always) what comes across as crass and distasteful has meaning that was hard for people from our perspective to understand.  If dd started routinely playing a song that had concerning lyrics, we would discuss them rather than ban.  

[MEmama]

We don’t censor. 

I actually feel very strongly about kids having autonomy. 

[Storygirl]

In general, I would not limit what my teens listen to. Unless they were blasting it and bothering others (which doesn't really happen much). My two boys are musicians, so it's not just about what they listen to, but what they play (drums, electric guitar,  acoustic guitar, bass guitar).

But specifically, we do put limits on what one of my teens is allowed to access, because he seeks out things that are violent, profane, misogynistic, and otherwise offensive and then repeats lyrics to others to get a reaction. He looks for positive reactions from peers (because he wants to be like them and think like them) and negative reactions from family (because he knows we don't approve and wants to provoke, so we have to constantly weigh our reactions). He has ASD, and we worry about his tendency to latch onto and appropriate negative ideas into his own personal thinking. It's a very strong concern of ours, so we have to monitor it carefully. It's a really unpleasant part of parenting for us, and not only because we get pushback (which we do), but because of our deep concerns for his longterm thinking. We don't want these things to be ingrained into his perspective, but he is the kind of kid who sucks it all in and believes it, and doesn't just let things bounce off (not just with music, but also with peer influences). So we can't just chalk it up to a teenage phase that will probably pass. He is also a musician and is working on song writing, and we have a very tricky path where we want to encourage his talent but discourage the toxic thinking.

So, no, I don't want to limit the music my teens listen to. But, yes, we have to, anyway, for one of them.

[sassenach]

I voted that they can listen to whatever, however they want, but they listen to about 99% of their music through their headphones. Ds, who listens to rap that I definitely would not enjoy, never plays any of it out loud. DD, who listens to pop, plays her music out loud in the bathroom but I don't mind it (unless she's showering at 11pm and wakes me up with it- then I mind it).

 

[almondbutterandjelly]

Um, we hardly listen to music at all in my family.  Except Christmas music.  I think my dd (20 now) listens to a Christian radio station occasionally when she's by herself in the car.  I do own a lot of cd's with 80s music but rarely pull them out.  We're just not music people.  

Years ago, since dd is an only child, we did have a moment (3rd grade?) where she asked to listen to Justin Bieber, and we were like "we are going to review the lyrics and get back to you."  We ended up okaying it.  I think it's kind of silly now that we did that, but at the time, it felt like a very big deal.  Up until then it had been children's songs and christian pop.  

We actually didn't need to monitor her listening habits when she was a teen because she hardly had any, and what she did like was not the least bit objectionable.  

[Tanaqui]

Literally could not care less.

Could not care less.

I will tell them to turn off their music or go away if I'm stuck having to listen to it while cooking or cleaning or something, but that's a noise thing and not a music thing. It has nothing to do with whether or not I approve of what they're listening to, I just hate hearing it over phone speakers.

(I will grant that if there are small children listening, the rules may be different. We have no small children in this house.)

[Momto6inIN]

I am greatly annoyed by noise, even if it's high quality music, so sometimes I tell them to turn it off or be quiet, but that's because of the noise, not the music itself. I especially hate it when DS tries to beat box LOL

So far my teens have non-offensive tastes in music (country, pop, Christian rock, and show tunes primarily), so I don't know what I'd do if one of them all of a sudden started to listen to crap about sex and hooking up and cursing. I know I wouldn't allow it to be heard anywhere else in the house, not sure what DH and I would decide about their personal listening. Likely we would decide to do nothing on that front, because ultimately it would be unenforceable, although my gut instinct would probably still want to.

I know I attended a Motley Crue concert as a young teen with some friends and as my dad was waiting outside to pick me up he heard the song "She Goes Down" and he almost got beat up by the security officers trying to get in and get me out of there. And I couldn't understand what the big deal was and why he didn't already know I was listening to that because I'd been blaring the cassette tape from my boom box for weeks 🤷‍♀️ Now that I'm a mom I can understand why he didn't want me listening to that crap, but I also know that anything he did or didn't do would have stopped me.

[BlsdMama]

43 minutes ago, perky said:

Um, we hardly listen to music at all in my family. 

I’d die. 😂 

im not remotely musical - world’s worst voice, failed clarinet player, and even find clapping a challenge, but I love listening to music. Amazon family music subscription is one of the few extras I really wouldn’t want to live without. 

[Spy Car]

Music broadcast to the house must pass a standard: it must be musical.

I did not expect to grow up and become an old grouch--but it's happened never-the-less.

I've loved listening to music since I was a toddler. Earliest memories are of learning to work my little record player.

Music has been a vital part of my life to this day. Always. And the genres of music I enjoy are vast. 

I figured I'd always enjoy the music of "youth culture," given how great the music was in my youth (60s-70s). But--largely speaking--that's not the case.

Autotuned insipid pop crapola and stale hip-hop made by people with zero musical talent puts me off.

So I don't wish to hear "no-talents" who are devoid of musicianship. Those who wish to listen to dreck must do so on cans.

And to respect those who don't wish to hear Wagnerian opera or Bruckner blasting during the lockdown, I playback a lot of music on headphones myself these days.

It does break my heart that contemporary music is so dreadful these days. What happened?

Bill

 

 

 

[Spryte]

16 hours ago, MercyA said:

But did you see them in concert? I did... 😉 

ETA: And, yeah, I don't think playing Trent Reznor on repeat did my mental or spiritual health any good--although my DH was also a fan, also at the concert, and was and is the most genuinely righteous man I know. Some people are more influenced by these things than others.

Been there done that, too.  And DH, way more times than I. My best friend in college grew up with Trent Reznor, and oh man, the stories... 

I don’t censor the kids’ music.  Mine wasn’t censored, growing up, and I won’t censor now.  A friend’s mom broke a few of my vinyl records in half when he borrowed them, and it was pretty upsetting at the time.  I don’t want to be that mom!

Kids here mostly use headphones, or listen while making in the workshop, but I’m up for listening to anything whenever, because I want to know what they are into, though some of it I find ... annoying, at times.  Kids here have a keen sense of ethics, and won’t listen to anything violent (in general, but some video game violence is ok), demeaning to others, etc, so my biggest complaint is video game music. Why, oh why, is that a Thing???

 

 

Edited December 1, 2020 by Spryte

[skimomma]

50 minutes ago, Spy Car said:

 

It does break my heart that contemporary music is so dreadful these days. What happened?

 

 

 

I'm old and grouchy too but I have to say there is unlimited music being created every day.  Most pop radio music is indeed dreadful.  And if I did not have nostalgic memories of much of the popular music from my teens, I'd probably think it was dreadful too.  But there is just so much else out there!  I find new music that I enjoy almost every day.  The thing I have missed the most during this pandemic is live music.

[Tanaqui]

Quote

It does break my heart that contemporary music is so dreadful these days. What happened?

Time passed, and you've forgotten all the "dreadful" music of your youth. It was there - you just have to glance at the actual top 40 lists of any given week in your adolescence to realize that - but with the passing of time you more and more remember only the diamonds and not the turds.

The same thing happens to everything - books, movies, TV, politics. Everything.

[Ditto]

No, we don't limit or censor their music at all.      We fully believe in picking battles and allowing autonomy whenever possible.  Music was a battle that I didn't find a necessary hill to die on.  One had some possibly questionable music choices, but we didn't say anything, and in fact my dh took that teen to several concerts upon request (and poor dh had to leave the concerts several times just to give his head a break!).   The teen involved (now an adult) looks back fondly on those concerts and appreciates our acceptance.   My current teen actually has a bit more conservative taste in music than do but also loves much of my music and we frequently share favorite songs.   Our home is truly filled with music constantly and I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Ditto]

3 hours ago, perky said:

Um, we hardly listen to music at all in my family

I can't even imagine this.   I would lose what tiny bit is left of my mind.   We have music playing constantly.      Right now we play the station that has 24 hour Christmas music playing, I love it!

[RootAnn]

18 hours ago, BlsdMama said:

I listened to utter trash as a high schooler... think Nine Inch Nails. I’d prefer my kids never listen to some of the garbage I listened to. 

Lol! Part of what I see as my job as mom is to expose my kids to music from my youth. My DH is a AC/DC & NiN fan. He does more pushing of his favorite music than I do (although he pushes Dokken & Iron Maiden more than Metallica and Marilyn Manson).

No restrictions here but even though some of the music is awful sounding, it isn't blasted super loudly. 

[mommyoffive]

Hasn't been an issue yet here.  Oldest listens to Christmas, classical, and ballet music mostly.

2nd oldest does listen to his own things, but nothing offensive to me.

I actually gave the kids some of my old cds from high school and college and the stuff I listened to was a lot more offensive than what they do.  🙂

[Spy Car]

42 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

Time passed, and you've forgotten all the "dreadful" music of your youth. It was there - you just have to glance at the actual top 40 lists of any given week in your adolescence to realize that - but with the passing of time you more and more remember only the diamonds and not the turds.

The same thing happens to everything - books, movies, TV, politics. Everything.

Nah. The music of my youth wasn't dreadful. The 1960s and 70s were a golden era for popular music.

The depth of talent was amazing. 

Bill

 

[Tanaqui]

1 hour ago, Spy Car said:

Nah. The music of my youth wasn't dreadful. The 1960s and 70s were a golden era for popular music.

The depth of talent was amazing. 

Bill

 

So you say without actually making any attempt to back up your nostalgia.

[SKL]

I said "other."  In my house, I don't want to hear certain things, regardless of who is playing them.

That said, my standards are not particularly strict.  I don't want to hear super raunchy or misogynistic stuff, and cuss words should be limited to the kind most people accept in mixed company.

I don't try to police what my kids listen to out of my hearing, but I will make them change it if I hear R+ rated stuff when their friends are around.  (This doesn't happen much, but I recall one time when they were blasting something questionable at a rooftop party ... it took me a minute to notice and shut it down.)

All that said ... my kids' favorite music is K-pop, and I don't speak Korean.  I do know Korea has standards of its own, so I think we're OK.  😛

[Garga]

I’m another who doesn’t listen to much music. I’m very, very, very picky. Most music is just noise to me. I have songs that I love and I have bought most of them and play them in the car. It’s fewer than 200 songs.

I seem to have married a man who feels much the same way, and we seem to have spawned children who are like us.  

My oldest likes to listen to what my husband likes, which is the sort of music you hear if you google “music to study by.” Just sort of swoopy sounds, like this. They love this stuff and it makes me feel bonkers inside within seconds of hearing it.  I cannot tolerate it.  I like songs with strong, catchy tunes.  So, when DS listens to it, he uses headphones.

My youngest son (ds15) doesn’t seem to listen to any music at all. 

But! If they did like music, I’d probably say to use headphones, because I simply cannot abide noise all day long. The regular noise of people is enough.  Extra noise just makes me a little crazy. The way we’ve raised the kids makes it unlikely that they’d be drawn to raunchy music, but if they were, then I’d probably have a talk with them about why they ought not to listen to it.  But at the end of the day, once they hit 16 or 17, I wouldn’t keep trying to police their choices. 

DH likes to watch British comedy game shows with laugh tracks ALL DAY LONG on the weekends and it’s enough to drive a woman mad. I need silence. 

Christmas is an exception. I do like to listen to Christmas music in December, but not all day long.

 

 

Edited December 1, 2020 by Garga

[Spy Car]

30 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

 

So you say without actually making any attempt to back up your nostalgia.

False. It isn't a matter of "nostalgia," but a keen awareness and familiarity with the music from the period.

It is hardly a controversial position among music lovers that the creative output in popular music during the 1960s and 70s made that time a golden era.

And music had a place in the culture that is very different that what has happened since then. 

Bill

 

 

 

 

 

 

[SKL]

I will say my kids generally don't listen to their music throughout the house.  Other than occasionally watching music videos on the TV, or listening in the shower, they keep their music to their rooms or use their headphones.  I never asked them to do this, but apparently it's what teens do these days.

I adore music, almost any kind.  I would not mind a house filled with music.  I like a lot of the modern stuff, and I stan BTS.  😛  Though, considering I work at home, it's probably good that we don't have that blasting all day long.

[Tanaqui]

5 minutes ago, Spy Car said:

False. It isn't a matter of "nostalgia," but a keen awareness and familiarity with the music from the period.

It is hardly a controversial position among music lovers that the creative output in popular music during the 1960s and 70s made that time a golden era.

And music had a place in the culture that is very different that what has happened since then. 

Bill

 

So, again - you haven't actually looked at the actual top 40 lists in some time, nor have you gone through the bargain bins of the era.

[Tanaqui]

(Or are you gonna tell me that there were no bargain bins then?)

[Spy Car]

Just now, Tanaqui said:

 

So, again - you haven't actually looked at the actual top 40 lists in some time, nor have you gone through the bargain bins of the era.

Why do you have the nerve to tell me what I have--or have not--done?

You have no basis for your claims. You behavior is presumptions and off-base.

Bill

 

[Junie]

We don't listen to much music in the house, but (when we used to go places) we almost always had a cd playing in the car.  I very much police music -- we listen to mostly Christian music or classical.  Dd16, who plays the flute, likes to listen to some movie soundtracks (Star Wars, Pirates of the Caribbean, etc.).

 

[melmichigan]

I had no idea how to vote on this one so I went with other.  If they're playing things on the radio or on the home pod, they are subject to a standard, such that if I can't manage to stand more than a song or two I let them know to please pick something else.  They can play whatever they want on their echoes, and they drag them all over the house, all they have is explicit limitations.  The variation in the house is a little bit of absolutely everything, including Kpop for my child that speaks Korean.

Edited December 2, 2020 by melmichigan

[BookMamaLade]

I say anything, but ours haven't chosen music I would find terribly objectionable (promoting bigotry or violence). The oldest & I have some music in common actually. 

[Corraleno]

On 11/30/2020 at 7:02 PM, Farrar said:

I ADORE Arrested Development. There was a conversation about favorite rap group ever and I was like, they're still in my top three or so. But this is apparently a deep embarrassment to my kid and his budding love of rap. I don't mind the nonsense. Like, I don't make him turn off Lil Mosey, who is just complete nonsense. I was like, what the heck IS a Blueberry Faygo. My kid had to explain that Lil Mosey himself didn't know but just liked the way it sounded. What's Poppin kinda grew on me throughout the summer and that's both dirty as all get out and nonsense at the same time. Like, Jack Harlow yells out "Canada!" at one point that makes zero sense. The autotune is across all genres and it's deeply horrible.

Anyway, if we ever meet, we'll crank up the Tribe Called Quest and Arrested Development and embarrass the kids.

Lil Mosey didn't make it up, it's a real brand of soda, and it's combined with codeine cough syrup to make a drink called "lean" that's apparently popular with rappers and has led to several deaths. I first heard of Faygo when I read an article about Insane Clown Posse a couple of years ago; it's a major "thing" with their fans, who drink it and spray it all over each other at concerts.