Popular Post Home'scool Posted June 25, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted June 25, 2019 (edited) Update: I received the divorce decree late Friday night from my attorney. The judge gave me a decent but not overly-great settlement. I got half the 401K, 32% of the difference in our salaries for alimony until he turns 67 (10 years) and that's about it. She did not give me any percentage of his bonuses (which is a stinker because he makes some good bonuses of $90K+) and she did not give me any consideration for his share of his parent's house. The one that really surprised me was she is having us split our college debt for our daughters 50/50. I think that is unfair because he makes so much more than me. So in the end any money that I receive, like back alimony owed, will have to be used to clear debt, but I will be able to walk away debt free. Then I will just slowly build back up a cushion. If I was not living with my sister this would be a whole other scenario, but thank goodness I am. About 4 hours after I got the decision I had a HUGE panic attack. It was awful. I got all hot and had that pinprick feeling all over. The last time I had that feeling was at the very beginning of this process when my STBX said he wanted a divorce. I had hoped to NEVER have that feeling again but I think it was a combination of finally getting a court decision, realizing that I was not getting all I had hoped for (which would have given me a nice cushion) and just a general pissed off that 30 years of marriage has come down to such dirty mud-slinging. So unnecessary. I was literally freaking out. I had to go walk around my neighborhood just to get my breathing and heart rate to slow down. Today I am still a bit shaky. Is it silly to think I may have PTSD? There is still so much to do to wrap everything up, like cashing in some accounts and paperwork to transfer titles of cars, etc. But during all of this my youngest daughter, who is in Colorado with her boyfriend on vacation, texted me on Saturday "Having a great time! Going whitewater rafting today!" and I realized that THAT is what I have that is the most important .... a close, healthy relationship with my daughters. My STBX is still alone and still missing out on their lives. And now that the judgement came down and my STBX will have a lot of money coming in, I don't think our daughters will like seeing the discrepancy in how we live. I certainly live in a nice house and have plenty of money to live a moderate lifestyle, but they know that every dime I get from him I had to fight tooth and nail for. And if they ever get to the point where they speak to him again I don't think they will be very impressed with his fancy top-floor condo in the city. They will know it was at the expense of everything good we ever had. Thank you all for all of your kind words, support and good wishes during all of this. Life really does take you on some crazy paths that you never expect. But I think that it has changed me in a positive way. Today I don't necessarily feel strong and empowered, but that feeling will come back. And the freedom I have from his constant criticism and judgement has been so freeing. My favorite quote from my father: " Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see it is what you would have wanted had you known" So I hold onto that. Please forgive any typos I am doing this on my iPad. I think it went really really well. I felt like I touched on everything I wanted to get across. My Stbx sat there furiously scribbling notes the whole time in preparation of my cross examination but you know what they ended up doing? His attorney went over VENMO payments I had made to my daughters while they were in college. Literally one transaction at a time. “So, on May 1st you Venmo’d $30 dollars and wrote ‘because I love you’ ..... what was that for?” Ummmm I sent her $30 because she is my daughter and I love her? this went on for about 10 minutes until the judge told her it was just badgering. But the best, absolutely BEST moment was this: part of my stbx argument is that he never agreed to me having $2000 a month to pay my sister for rent. Just because he lived in our 5000 square foot home a year longer than he was supposed to and now lives in a $4000 a month condo in the city, I am not supposed to get consideration for my rent. So he asks the judge if he can re- testify on a point. He then gets up there and starts with his double talk ....”when she moved out all conversations of her rent were of a conceptual basis blah blah blah, things were still fluid blah blah” But then he gets really angry and starts to say “but there was NEVER any conversation...” and that is when the judge STOOD UP! Actually stood up and very angrily said “What are you saying?? That she is supposed to live with her sister rent free while you lived in the big house and now in a $4000 a month condo in the city?? You can get down now from the stand!” ladies, I have been waiting for that for 4 years and it was amazing. I really think the judge now understands all the players in this game. Before when only he testified I am sure she thought I would be just as greedy and arrogant as him. How else does a simple case bog down for 4 years? Now I think she gets it is him, he is the narcissist, the bully, the unreasonable one. she also kept looking at my sister in the audience and smiling at her which I am taking as a good sign. so now the attorneys have 3 weeks to file their final paperwork and then the judge will rule. But I am feeling really good about it Edited September 16, 2019 by Home'scool 117 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scholastica Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 Oh, wow! That must have been amazing! I hope it all goes your way and he realizes he can’t win. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 Jerks reveal themselves over time. Bless you for being so patient. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 I love this update so much. Puffy heart love. I am so happy he finally showed himself to the judge. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 I wonder what he was trying to prove with the VEnmo stuff? (And why he focused on it? Was it the only stuff he could get records for?) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 I'm so glad the day in court went well and I really hope that the judge does see straight through his shenanigans and awards you the settlement you deserve. Many hugs. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 Woohoo! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkTulip Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 Yayayayay! This is an excellent report! I am so happy that the judge could see his true character and how he really is. Praying things continue to go well in the next several weeks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaBelle Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 Whoo Hooo! I am beyond thrilled for you. My sister's ex is like this. Judge finally told him he was a fool. Took years though. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaz Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 So happy for you! I'm praying everything moves in your favor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeachyDoodle Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 We SO need the old party emjoi back!!!!! This is great to hear and I can't wait until it's all over and you can leave all this behind you. (And also be avenged. I'm not above relishing the thought of him getting what he's got coming.) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 Sounds like a fabulous Judge Judy type moment. I'm sure you heard the heavenly choir singing at that moment. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 I got chills reading this! So glad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 What a great update! 2 hours ago, Home'scool said: I really think the judge now understands all the players in this game. Before when only he testified I am sure she thought I would be just as greedy and arrogant as him. How else does a simple case bog down for 4 years? Now I think she gets it is him, he is the narcissist, the bully, the unreasonable one Years ago I heard a presentation by a family court judge who said that 10% of her caseload took 90% of her time. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 2 hours ago, Home'scool said: His attorney went over VENMO payments I had made to my daughters while they were in college. Literally one transaction at a time. “So, on May 1st you Venmo’d $30 dollars and wrote ‘because I love you’ ..... what was that for?” Ummmm I sent her $30 because she is my daughter and I love her? this went on for about 10 minutes until the judge told her it was just badgering. Sounds like you have two attorneys working for you!!! 2 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 Wow, what a moment!! So happy this Judge is seeing through all his carp. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cave canem Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 3 hours ago, Home'scool said: and that is when the judge STOOD UP! Actually stood up and very angrily said “What are you saying?? That she is supposed to live with her sister rent free while you lived in the big house and now in a $4000 a month condo in the city?? You can get down now from the stand!” HUGE grin as I read this. So happy for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 So happy for you!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaVT Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 This update makes me so happy! I'm glad your side was finally heard! ❤️ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 1 hour ago, Garga said: Sounds like you have two attorneys working for you!!! You've got to wonder...I bet his attorney is sick of dealing with him. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonflower Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 I kind of doubt his attorney is working against him, I'm sure that would be a huge violation of professional ethics, no matter how despicable he is. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 YAY!!!!! It’s so good to “hear” you sounding so happy! You have been through so much, and you really deserved such a great day in court! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer&Mom Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 11 minutes ago, moonflower said: I kind of doubt his attorney is working against him, I'm sure that would be a huge violation of professional ethics, no matter how despicable he is. Yeah, but sometimes Attorneys just tread water. Like it would look bad to do no cross-exam, but there isn’t really any way to help the client during cross, so just try to fill some time with questions that aren’t really meaningful. I’ve seen opposing counsel do it before. Not going against a bad client, but just going through the motions without their heart in it. Judges know. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mominco Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 Wonderful update! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theelfqueen Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 My guess would be STBX told attorney to do petty destructive stuff that wastes the court's time because he believes it makes him look good. And his attorney is in a very hard place. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 (edited) So happy for you, Home'scool!!! Do you think the Venmo thing was part of a plan to ask for reduced support payments — like he thought he could argue that he shouldn't have to pay you money that you were just going to turn around and "give away"? Whatever the motivation, it sounds like it totally backfired and just made him look like a petty, vindictive jerk. 👍 Edited June 26, 2019 by Corraleno 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 I really hope it all goes in your favor, op! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mothersweets Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 Hooray!! So so happy that it went well for you!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted June 26, 2019 Author Share Posted June 26, 2019 Quote Do you think the Venmo thing was part of a plan to ask for reduced support payments — like he thought he could argue that he shouldn't have to pay you money that you were just going to turn around and "give away"? Whatever the motivation, it sounds like it totally backfired and just made him look like a petty, vindictive jerk. Yes, I think he was trying to show that the money I sent to our daughters was not necessary? IDK. When his attorney asked why I had submitted the VENMO payments as evidence and if I thought I should be reimbursed for it I said no, that I was just showing that while he was paying utilities on the house etc., I was also spending money on family things. I do believe his attorney had no idea what to cross examine me on. My STBX was scribbling notes the whole time I was testifying so I thought the cross would be difficult but she started going after details like how much money I made in 1989 vs. how much money he made. Seriously. 28 years ago and you want to make a point that he made $2000 more than me in 1989. That is why I think the judge is so done with him. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted June 26, 2019 Author Share Posted June 26, 2019 I also got to slip in that after he cut me off from any support I received a box of shirts he ordered (it was sent to me by mistake) and there were 10 shirts at $200 each. Just regular button down work shirts that he was paying $200 each for! Then my attorney asked me where I shop for clothes and I said Old Navy. Stuff like that that completely goes against his testimony that he had no money to send me. His affairs also came up. I am surprised the judge let me testify about those but she did give me leeway. I kept it factual but was able to show what a bum he is. I hope to never have to testify again. It is not fun at all. But I AM so glad that I finally had my day, I finally got to say my side, and I finally may be wrapping this whole thing up. 22 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted June 26, 2019 Author Share Posted June 26, 2019 Quote I picture every lawyer your STBX has gone through sitting together at a bar and seriously questioning their life choices.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 Wonderful news. I am so happy to hear about how the judge reacted and how this court hearing went. Woo hoo!!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink and Green Mom Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 I think about you and this situation often. I am so glad to hear this update. I love the bit about the shirts, too. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 PARTAY/1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hen Posted June 26, 2019 Share Posted June 26, 2019 so happy it went so well! Wow, the shirt story is very revealing, glad you got to share it. I am so glad to see a good update finally. 🙂 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 Any update yet home'scool? I keep hoping to hear of a favorable ruling for you. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monica_in_Switzerland Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 (edited) Great news. Fingers crossed that very, very, very soon, you will be turning the page on this chapter of your life!!! ETA: I see now that this is an update request from @maize ... and I second it! Edited July 31, 2019 by Monica_in_Switzerland Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 ::loud applause:: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted August 1, 2019 Author Share Posted August 1, 2019 (edited) I'm still waiting! The lawyers submitted their final paperwork about 2 weeks ago so now we are just in a holding pattern. I did get a copy of his final paperwork. He is offering such a small amount in alimony that I would literally be struggling until I retired. Such a bad bad man. But I promise to update once I do get the word from the judge! Edited August 1, 2019 by Home'scool 16 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 Thanks for the update, fingers still crossed here! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngieW in Texas Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 Any further news yet? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaVT Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 Don't these lawyers know that over 100 WTM members are waiting?? 😂 I keep popping back in for updates too! 8 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted August 7, 2019 Author Share Posted August 7, 2019 (edited) Ugh no news yet! By the end of the day my phone is always dead because I check my emails so much! According to my lawyer this judge is quick with her decisions ..... I guess it all depends on how many people are ahead of me. And I don't know if I already said this, so forgive me if I am repeating myself, but my lawyer contacted me about a week after the trial. She said that the bailiff told her "The judge is going to crush that guy" because he was making such an ass out of himself. That gives me hope! Believe me, y'all will the the second to know once I get the ruling! 😊 Hopefully this week but I really don't know. Edited August 7, 2019 by Home'scool 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 Any word? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 Still no news? I'm about ready to get together a posse and storm the judge's office. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 I am also invested in this saga and posting so I can get further victorious updates. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 Because her ex is so crazy I did double check to see that she has been on the boards. So I guess there is still no ruling. I know she will let us know asap. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted September 12, 2019 Author Share Posted September 12, 2019 Just a (non) update .... It has been about 7 weeks since we finished the trial. When I checked in with my attorney she said it could be "months" before we get a decision. Ugh. I'm hoping it is not that long. I can only move on with my life so much without this situation being wrapped up 😞 2 22 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 Oh how frustrating! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scholastica Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 I’m so sorry! The judge should just make him give you everything and be done with it! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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