Have you become more or less judgmental with age?

[Ann.without.an.e]

Have you become more or less judgmental with age?  And how do we keep from becoming the type of older people that no one wants to be around because we see all of the problems and never see the positive or the joy in people or circumstances?

 

 

 

 

 

Edited November 7, 2017 by Attolia

[Ann.without.an.e]

I am going on 40 and I have become less judgmental with age, but I fear a reverse as I get 60+ because I see it in so many others.

 

I think I have been through so much as a person that I am keenly aware of the struggles of others and I am compassionate rather than judgmental or accusing.

 

I am around lots of different types of people too.  I think of my IL's (super, uber judgmental and difficult)...they have no friends and very little family that they interact with.  They are hermits, basically.  I think that the hermit lifestyle allows you to sit on a pedestal and judge others because you aren't in the arena living with others, day in and day out.

Edited November 7, 2017 by Attolia

[kiana]

Less about some things and more about others.

 

Far less judgmental about lifestyle choices of individual adults.

 

More judgmental about people who make choices that have the potential to harm others. A (hopefully non-controversial) example would be someone who is clearly affected by alcohol choosing to drive anyway, whether or not they are legally under the limit. 

[ashfern]

Less judgmental in general. I have a "no my circus, not my monkey" mindset. I have become less tolerant of stupidity though.

[creekland]

Far, far less judgmental about others making choices for themselves.  Seeing a wide variety of "normal" people at college, via our travels, and in my high school make me wonder why I was ever judgmental in the first place.

 

Far, far more judgmental about those who feel they must make choices for other people.  This can be anyone from voters to terrorists. (NOT calling voters terrorists - showing the spectrum)

 

I do have one major exception.  I will always be pro-life (in most circumstances, but not all) since another life is at stake besides the mother's.

 

That's it though.  Otherwise, your life is yours and mine is mine.  We can be friends even if we disagree as long as you allow me to be me (and others to be them).

 

I guess I'm also more judgmental on those ruining our planet, but that's because their choices DON'T just affect them.  They affect me and everyone else to come, so falls under the "making choices for other people" bit in my mind.

[SKL]

Less judgmental, but also less tolerant about things that affect me personally.  For example, annoying noises and people who try to weasel money out of me.

[Ann.without.an.e]

 

 

My inner hippie is really showing as I get older (you know.....peace love rock-n- roll man.....).

 

 

I actually say out loud all the time "peace, love, and applesauce" 

 

I have no idea where the saying came from.  Maybe I made it up, but I am thinking I read it somewhere and it stuck.  :lol:

[Garga]

Much less judgemental.

 

And I haven't gossipped in years. At a recent get-together with friends, we ever-so-briefly mentioned someone we all know with a difficult personality. Everything inside of me did not want to talk about that person. Apparently, my friends also felt the same way because we quickly moved to a new topic. In the past, I would have gladly gossipped about the person and their annoying ways, but now I cringe at that kind of talk and avoid it whenever I can. I was so glad that everyone else seemed to feel the same way.

 

I have made a point in the past couple of years to strengthen the friendships I have with non-judgy people and to loosen the friendships I have with judgy people. I mostly just want to be left alone and leave everyone else alone.

[solascriptura]

Less! Life isn’t as back and white as I thought when I was younger.

[kiana]

You know, as I was reading the question I was trying to think of how to phrase my answer.   Then, as I was scrolling down to answer, your response caught my eye.  You gave my exact thoughts, only phrased it far better than I probably would have.

 

I would like to add.....as I get older everything just seems so much more fragile (especially life) and I get frustrated to the point of tears that we all can't just live and let live.  Peace and understanding is what I want.  Do no harm and live your life.  Understand and accept that we are all different and that is okay.  If someone has a different lifestyle than you, or makes different life choices, as long as they aren't hurting anyone,  please just either accept it or move on. 

 

My inner hippie is really showing as I get older (you know.....peace love rock-n- roll man.....).

 

I'm with you on the peace love rock-n-roll.

 

(as for the phrasing, you wouldn't believe how many times I typed and erased to make sure my phrasing agreed with my meaning ;))

[TechWife]

Overall, I think I have become less judgmental. I realize everyone is living their own life and that they are responsible for their lives and I am not. Additionally, I have become more confident in myself and my thought processes and the opinions they form. I am also more outspoken, which may be taken by some as being more judgmental because I share my opinions whereas before I might have kept them to myself. The age of fifty is very freeing! 

[G5052]

Only with boundaries. I'm not going to attack anyone, but if someone goes after me, I'm not as tolerant as I once was. But I can put up with a lot more minor stuff than I used to.

[Seasider]

I must confess that I am both more and less judgmental these days.

 

I am broadly less judgmental. Really, this is most prevalent and I've noticed this change in myself.

 

However, there are a few people in my life that I have watched for decades now, who continue to make (what I feel to be) unwise and/or selfish life choices. I find myself jumping more quickly to judgment of those behaviors. Does that make sense?

 

I think age in your question isn't about chronological age, but just reaching the point of having a large enough bulk of life experiences. People reach that critical mass at different ages.

[kiana]

However, there are a few people in my life that I have watched for decades now, who continue to make (what I feel to be) unwise and/or selfish life choices. I find myself jumping more quickly to judgment of those behaviors. Does that make sense?

 

I think age in your question isn't about chronological age, but just reaching the point of having a large enough bulk of life experiences. People reach that critical mass at different ages.

 

This is a great point. Once you have seen people make sub-optimal decisions a sufficient number of times and suffer for it and often expect help from others, it is very challenging not to judge them for making such decisions. 

[sassenach]

I think I’ve become less judgemental, but I have always been a gray areas person. Dh who is very black and white has become more so. I think we just become more of who we already are as we age.

[Elizabeth86]

About the same, but unfortunately I'm a judgemental person. I shouldn't be, but I am.

[Ann.without.an.e]

Only with boundaries. I'm not going to attack anyone, but if someone goes after me, I'm not as tolerant as I once was. But I can put up with a lot more minor stuff than I used to.

 

 

I agree with this <3 

[Carol in Cal.]

I am less judgemental about black/white issues, but also less tolerant of unkindness.

 

I think that that doesn't have as much to do with being an isolated judgemental old person as choosing what to talk about.  In every circumstance there is usually some good and some bad.  If the bad is what someone talks about all the time, they get isolated.  If the good is what they talk about all the time, not so much.

Edited November 7, 2017 by Carol in Cal.

[Bluegoat]

I'm not sure.

 

Despite my online persona, I'm actually pretty mellow in person.  Other people's lives don't tend to get much of a rise out of me, and that's always been the case.  I can almost always get along with people who have very different ideas or lifestyles, or mental health problems, and I don't find it hard to understand how people can get to these different points in their lives.

 

So have I become less judgemental - I think I probably have more experiences now, so I have a broader ability to understand people who before might have been a mystery to me.  And I am generally more patient - which might mostly mean, tired.

 

On the other hand - I find I am less tolerant of the few people who really do rub me the wrong way, and I can be really intolerant of certain social or institutional evils.  In the former instance, there is a lady at church who drives me pretty wild - even though objectively I know she is kind and well meaning.  But I cringe when she speaks and I'm very inclined to ascribe the worst motives to her.  And I find myself much more inclined to political intolerance, and much more judgemental of ideas in the abstract - in part I think because I see a lot of them as connected in ways I didn't when I was younger.

 

 

[catz]

I see it 2 ways also.  I'm extremely tolerant of individual choices that don't affect me or my family. 

 

I'm much LESS tolerant of people who are ready to take advantage of my good nature.  I was brought up as a people pleaser and as time has gone on much less so.  There just aren't enough hours in the day for me to jump through hoops for others who won't appreciate it and who don't care to put time into building a relationship.  And just because I was born female doesn't mean it's on me to take charge.  I have zero time for the self involved or myopic. 

[Carol in Cal.]

I've been thinking about this more, and I think I'm a lot more judgemental/intolerant of drama.

People who are always stirring up stuff or using inflammatory language lose my respect.  I try to still treat them with respect, but I also tend to avoid them and don't take their crises of the day very seriously.

[J-rap]

Far less.  I've come to really understand how people come from all sorts of backgrounds and generally make the best decisions they can, no matter how crazy those decisions seem.  

[vmsurbat]

I like to think that I'm less judgmental about stuff that really doesn't matter and more---not judgmental per se-- but more discerning about the things that do....

 

And I'm firmly convinced that the way we become the women we want to be is by being her now.  When I was in my 20s, I heard an older woman speak, and I took to heart her advice that to be that sweet old lady someday, we needed to start practicing now. What we sow in our 20s, 30s, 40s, we reap in our 50s, 60s, 70s.  SO TRUE. And with the 50s, 60s being the new 30s, 40s, we still have plenty of time to be sowing good habits/thought patterns.  :hurray:

[Liz CA]

^{Interesting to ponder. Less judgmental, definitely. As far as viewing others, especially the younger generation, I hope to be an "encourager" more so than a "downer." I feel we could all do with a dose of encouragement now and then. Sometimes, encouragement in a more positive direction, a form of guidance, is beneficial. When I look back, I really appreciate the people who took the time to encourage and guide me.}

^{There will always be problems in this world. I hope I won't let that distract me from living, helping, loving and encouraging.}

Edited November 7, 2017 by Liz CA

[momacacia]

Working in DC politics in my late 20s, early 30s, really helped me realize there are a lot of different people and perspectives out there. And being crabby, judgmental, closeminded, and tonedeaf never wins you any friends or influence.

 

It's not just being judgmental, it's also just critical. This is wrong, this is wrong, flavor of the soup, whatever. I'm really working on not doing it and not passing it on to my kids. Just had an incredible example of generational mindset yesterday. My MIL has this "thing" about bad things happening when her husband waa out of town. Well, SIL (dhs brother) had a "bad thing" happen to their house when her husband was out of town and texts all of us "more evidence that something always goes wrong when spouse is travelling." I just...so negative.

 

And while I don't want my kids to have to live with that when I'm old...I also don't want them to absorb it into their psyche, personality and viewpoint of the world. So, I'm doing a lot more positive input from other sources.

[Lady Florida.]

I've always had a bit of a "live and let live" belief as long as it isn't hurting or infringing on the rights of others. I've become even less judgmental as I age. However, I'm also more intolerant of intolerance if that makes sense.

[VaKim]

I'm probably more judgmental (if that is even the right word) when it comes to things I consider immoral, stupid, or just wrong. 

 

However, when it comes to individuals, I am less so, most likely due to life experience. For instance, I hardly ever can say that, given any particular circumstances, "I would never do that!" I have figured out that until you are in said circumstances, you really do not know what you would do. 

[hornblower]

Both. 

Some things I no longer fret about as much and don't care. 

Other things, I'm more firm about.  I both gave up caring about many things and just shrug my shoulders at whatever things people are up to, but the things I DO care about, I've become more passionate about them, and sometimes that spills into being judgmental. My causes are my causes. 

So it's been more of a narrowing and sharpening of the things to really be judgy about. Probably same absolute volume of being judgy; I guess I'm just more focused now.... :P 
 

[dirty ethel rackham]

In some ways, I'm more judgmental because I have less patience.  So, if your cart is blocking the aisle at Trader Joe's, I'm going all judgey on you.  But, in other ways, I'm much more humble having been tossed around by life and have more compassion and understanding for others foibles.  

[Bluegoat]

I've become approximately 100% more judicious.

 

People take that to be more or less judgemental, or compassionate, mostly based on how THEY feel, not based on what I say. (I endeavor to be polite almost always.)

 

More jumping off from your comment, but what counts as "judgemental" can be a little fraught.  Often people feel that people who don't agree with them in one area are being unnecessarily judgemental, while in another area disagreement means they are being too accommodating.

[Garga]

Ok--I need to change my answer. I agree with all of you who said you're less judgemental now...but also less inclined to be tolerant of drama or intolerance or people attacking you.

 

I have firmer boundaries in place and stand up against people who try to mow me down more, but overall, I am less judgy and critical of people or of ideas that are new to me.

[goldberry]

Mostly MUCH less judgmental.  I credit my husband with that.  Gosh, I think I was unbearable in my 20s, so smugly confident about everything.  

[eternalsummer]

I am less judgmental of other people's interactions with their kids (having had a few and realized you can in fact be a good parent without always interacting like angels) but more judgmental of moral questions.

[Crimson Wife]

Less judgmental because I have learned through experience that negative outcomes are far less often due to bad decisions than I used to imagine.

 

If I witnessed a child acting up I used to assume it was due to bad parenting and that firm discipline would solve the problem. Now since having a child with special needs I don't.

 

Similarly if someone were unemployed or struggling financially I used to assume it was probably 90% the person's own fault vs. 10% something outside his/her control. Now I think it's more like 50/50.

[DawnM]

Depends on the topic.  Some things I have eased up on, and others I have been far more judgmental.

[lllll]

nm 

 

Edited November 14, 2017 by _______

[KungFuPanda]

More, but I was a perky optimist. I think the trick is not to lose your social skills as you gain more perspective. Make sure when you talk to other people that more positive than negative comes out. Nobody wants to spend time with a dark cloud of gloom. You can make anything more positive with a little finesse; it just takes little bit more effort than being a downer.

[Guest]

Way less.

 

I think a lot of it is exposing yourself to different points of view and being open to other interpretations. Don’t just listen to or read from one news source, say, or surround yourself only with people who echo your beliefs. Help others. Read books you might not have chosen. Embrace “different†- everything from trying food you haven’t had before to turning down a road you don’t take to trying on clothes you initially thought is “not you.â€

[teachermom2834]

Less. I tend to give most people the benefit of the doubt that they are doing their best and I know I don't know their story.

 

I used to think I knew the best way for everyone and didn't give a flip what their story was.

 

I am extremely good at keeping any judgieness to myself. My 19 yo son told someone "my mom is the least judgemental person you will meet." Now that comment is totally not true, but I can keep it to myself. I am practicing to be an awesome MIL.

[Mimm]

Definitely less. But I'm judgemental about different things too. And less of a know if all. I have some pretty cringe worthy moments where I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to shut the heck up.

[Tap]

Less judgemental, but also less tolerant of people who want others to constantly pick up their slack.

 

I am less likely to think "xyz is a better way to make a widget"

 

but more likely to say "I don't care how you make your widget, just get off your butt and do it yourself, and don't expect me to do it for you"

 

 

An real life example...I work in pharmacy.

 

I am less likely to judge why someone has state insurance 

 

but less tolerant when patients do things like.....when they don't have their insurance card and tell me "I lost my card 6 months ago, and haven't called to replace it. You can just call the state and get the information for me like the other places do"  

 

To me, they are creating extra work for everyone else, because they are too lazy to call themselves and get the replacement.  People who expect us to take the time to call every time to get their insurance information drive me nuts !  (if they just lost it and haven't had a chance to call, that is different)

 

Edited November 7, 2017 by Tap

[desertstrawberry5]

Soooo much less. Life has bitten me in the ass too many times. I'm all out of self-righteousness.

 

I am much more loving to everyone I encounter. I like that much better.

 

Love is better.

Edited November 9, 2017 by desertstrawberry5

[Random]

Much less.

 

Except in spelling...it's JUDGMENTAL. Drop the silent e when you add the suffix on this one!

[hornblower]

Much less.

 

Except in spelling...it's JUDGMENTAL. Drop the silent e when you add the suffix on this one!

 

Why? Judgemental is also correct and common in British English. 

 

[jewellsmommy]

I have become less judgey but more vocal. I have become a fan of coming-along-side of someone (who wants it) and finding working solutions (and accepting that "ideal" usually doesn't exist in the real world).

Edited November 9, 2017 by jewellsmommy

[mathnerd]

I am less judgmental - that is because my life is too busy and I don't care about as many things any more because of that. I used to have opinions about every topic when I was young. I have learned to ignore other people's failings and move on in my middle age. I do speak out a lot more when things really matter to me - I have lost fear of most kinds and that liberates me to speak exactly what is on my mind.

[foxbridgeacademy]

I have become privately more judgmental but publicly less so.  I truly believe that all people have the right to live their lives as they see fit as long as it does not hurt or impinge on the rights of others.... but man there are a lot of a$$holes out there that step over that line like it's not even there.  So I've become privately more censorious of these people and the sheep that follow and allow the behavior.  Publicly I've become an ostrich and just refuse to discuss most issues (social, political, spiritual).  And, yes my younger self is disappointed in me.

[Peaceful Isle]

Waayyy less judgmental here. It feels good.

[DesertBlossom]

I think less. Because I have come to understand that often people's backgrounds and life experiences influence their choices in a way I can't and won't understand. I try to be more empathetic and consider other people's point of view more than judging them outright.

[MooCow]

Definitely less. I'm older and wiser, been through a lot. I choose to give grace and hope I get some back.