If you do not drink alcohol

[Janeway]

My husband and I do not drink alcohol by choice. Frankly, his parents are alcoholics and both of us have seen too many people take too much freedom with drinking when they are supposed to be caring for children (including in the pool and bathtub) and drinking and driving, and drinking and wanting to feed the baby and not being able to even get the food to the mouth, etc. The whole thing disgusts us. 

 

But for some reason, we have had people really push it. Why not? Why don't you drink? But a good wine is just so good. Maybe you just haven't tried a good one yet. Ummm..I HATE the taste of wine. And beer. I have had plenty of varieties, including expensive ones. I do NOT like it. 

 

Finally, the other day when someone was pushing it, after saying over and over again that we just don't, I was so flustered that I said we do not because of a history my husband has with alcoholism. Ummm..as I walked out, I realized they probably think my husband is an alcoholic, not that he has relatives (who are not his biological relatives) who are alcoholics, and watching it all these years has been nauseating. 

 

I do not want to flub up again like that!!! I know I should go back to that person and correct what I said too. But, what do I say when in this position again? If you said you don't eat Chef Boy Ardee because you simply do not like it, no one would push it and push it insisting it was great. But when it comes to wine, people seem to expect others to conform. But we are truly not interested. 

 

Looking forward to suggestions. Thanks! 

[Donna]

I always tell the truth...I do not enjoy the taste of alcohol and do not have any desire to drink. 

 

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I don't drink alcohol.  I have a bad history with alcohol.  I'm not ashamed of it. But  I just say no thank you.  I don't try to justify why I said no thank you.  Justifying seems to invite people's comments. 

 

Edited because apparently I haven't mastered prepositions. 

Edited May 20, 2017 by Jean in Newcastle

[Tangerine]

I don't drink, and my husband quit a year ago. I have to say, people have always just accepted my no. But I've heard enough stories like yours that I totally believe people do that. I've just never experienced it. I don't have a whole lot of patience with people not taking my no as a no, and I can't picture myself being very gracious about it. I'd probably ask them why they were trying to get me drunk, as humor would be my default so I didn't say something more abrupt.

[Guest]

Tell 'em you're pregnant. Lol

[Janeway]

I don't drink, and my husband quit a year ago. I have to say, people have always just accepted my no. But I've heard enough stories like yours that I totally believe people do that. I've just never experienced it. I don't have a whole lot of patience with people not taking my no as a no, and I can't picture myself being very gracious about it. I'd probably ask them why they were trying to get me drunk, as humor would be my default so I didn't say something more abrupt.

The funny thing is, outside of my inlaws, it does not happen while someone is trying to force alcohol on me. It just happens in social conversations. And I can only think of a small handful times it has happened.

[Selkie]

If anyone asks, I just say that I don't like the taste of alcohol and that both dh and I have so many alcoholics in our family trees that drinking isn't something we want to do.

[Liz CA]

I don't drink alcohol.  I have a bad history with alcohol.  I'm not ashamed of it. But  I just say no thank you.  I don't try to justify why I said no thank you.  Justifying seems to invite people's comments. 

 

Edited because apparently I haven't mastered prepositions. 

 

I just smile and ask for something non-alcoholic. My mother and I cannot digest alcohol properly. We either get sick or just fall asleep. But I don't go into details. Very few people have ever asked me why I don't drink alcoholic beverages.

[Mimm]

How very uncouth of people to push alcohol on someone who is repeatedly saying no.

[Liz CA]

The funny thing is, outside of my inlaws, it does not happen while someone is trying to force alcohol on me. It just happens in social conversations. And I can only think of a small handful times it has happened.

 

You mean only your in laws are trying to push it? A firm "no" should suffice, if not, it's "time to leave. See ya later."

 

[Guest]

The short story "Bartleby the Scrivener " gave me a great line for this situation: "I prefer not to." And for the record, Miss Manners agrees. You owe no explanation.

 

I drink but grew up in a teetotalling home and this approach worked for my mom and dad. But they ran into pushers all the time. I don't know why people do that.

[Jean in Newcastle]

The funny thing is, outside of my inlaws, it does not happen while someone is trying to force alcohol on me. It just happens in social conversations. And I can only think of a small handful times it has happened.

 

If it is just in conversation, why can't you just talk about it without mentioning your own aversion?  I don't drink but I have no problem listening to others talk about their favorite wine etc.  Ask them questions and just listen.  Bringing up why I don't drink in the midst of such a conversation would be awkward, might be taken as being judgemental and is just unnecessary because it invites comment.  If someone asks me my opinion I say something like "I don't drink, but (mutual friend) really likes _________." 

[AK_Mom4]

I don't drink - thanks to some meds and being diabetic - neither of which is anyone's business. A simple No Thanks usually works for me and I usually pretend to be deaf if a person presses me on it. I think I will try the "I prefer not to" phrase mentioned above - that sounds lovely.

 

Funny thing - in years of not drinking, Friday night was the first time I ever went to a bar where literally there was nothing I could order except a glass of water. This bar had only alcohol and sugary sodas (can't have those either). Normally, bars have expensive sparkly water in bottles to sell people like me, but not this time. I drank my lukewarm water and called it good.

[wintermom]

What is wrong with your answer of not liking the taste?  Sounds like a fine answer to me. If people don't agree with you, you don't have to get into a discussion about it. Change the topic of walk away. 

Edited May 20, 2017 by wintermom

[EKS]

Normally, bars have expensive sparkly water in bottles to sell people like me, but not this time. 

 

Don't they normally have club soda/seltzer water on tap?  I've found that you have to ask for it specifically or else they think you mean the stuff in the bottles.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

"I don't have the taste for it and have no desire to acquire one"

 

What rude people!

[solascriptura]

I would just say that we don't drink. If they pushed it , I would turn it around on them and ask them why they seem uncomfortable with my answer.

Edited May 20, 2017 by solascriptura

[Melissa in Australia]

I say no. I am not very often in a social situation where there are people pushing alcohol. Every body who knows me knows I only drink water.

[RootAnn]

Shrug. A simple, "no thanks" usually works for me. I don't make a point of saying, "I don't drink." I assume that most people just assume I'm not interested in having a drink right then or not interested in whatever they have in the house.

If out, I will sometimes order a Shirley Temple (7-Up or Ginger Ale with grenadine) or a Roy Rogers (Cola with grenadine). Most people don't know what they are & assume they are alcoholic.  :lol: I like them for the cherry that is often put in them & for the taste.

 

I don't explain my lack of desire to drink something that I don't like the taste of anymore than I explain why I homeschool or why I don't dye my hair. 

[Pawz4me]

If pressed (which is extremely rude) I tell the absolute truth -- I prefer to eat my calories rather than drink them.

[Butter]

"No, thank you."  If they push still, "I do not drink."  If they continue to push, "Seriously, dude, why are you using peer pressure on me to get me to do something I have already clearly told you I do not want to do."  Because they are being rude and there comes a time when you need to be a bit direct back.

[FloridaLisa]

I prefer my calories in chocolate. ;) 

 

^^True and no need to go into any details! 

[gardenmom5]

I don't drink for religious reasons.  I've never had to offer anything more than - no thanks, or no thanks I don't drink.

 

however - both of my mother's grandfather's were alcoholics.  my grandfather's brothers were alcoholics (my grandmother only had sisters.).  my grandmother did not allow alcohol.  my grandfather was allowed 1 bottle of apricot brandy as a gift at christmas.  that was his alcohol for the year. I think he could make it last five or six months.

my father drank beer and wine - so I know what they taste like.  I don't like them - HOWEVER - that is irrelevant to why I don't drink.   just as your dh's family history of alcoholism is irrelevant to why he doesn't drink.

 

I have never been hassled about not drinking (except by a sibling). and yes, I've attended business functions where drinking was part of the evening.  dd has with her peers - and they were happy to make her the designated driver.

 

I wouldn't tolerate the treatment you are getting.  they are being plain rude.  r. u.d.e. rude.

when offered a glass of wine/etc.  simply say "no thank you". you can add (or not) that you don't drink.  maybe the host will offer you something besides water . . 

*polite people accept that*.  RUDE people don't. 

 

IF THEY PUSH IT . . . I would go on the offensive.  "why is it so important to you that I drink too?  why are  you uncomfortable drinking alone?"  (which is the case more often than not when someone refuses to take no for an answer)  it's not about the 'taste'.  (I'd keep pushing.  "are you afraid you'll get drunk, make an idiot of yourself - and I'll be totally sober to report it to everyone else?")  I don't give a rip if my offensive makes them uncomfortable.  rude people dont' get a pass because they're rude.   If these people can't be comfortable around someone who isn't drinking . . chances are - they have a problem.

Edited May 20, 2017 by gardenmom5

[lllll]

nm

Edited June 5, 2017 by tentwelve

[Storygirl]

I only had someone push me on this issue once. It was right after college, and I was visiting a high school friend. My sister was also there. My friend mixed up some drinks without asking first if we wanted them. My sister accepted, and I declined, saying I didn't like the taste of alcohol. My friend tried to get me to try it anyway, saying that I hadn't tried this drink before, so how would I know whether I liked it.

 

When I kept refusing, she asked why I felt it was morally wrong. I said that I didn't think that it was morally wrong; it was just my personal decision. It was extremely awkward, and I thought she was being really rude as the hostess. I suspect that my refusal triggered a response in her, that she thought I was judging her for drinking, even though I was not. She wasn't normally a pushy person like that.

 

That conversation still irks me, 25 years later, because she was being rude and pushy and putting me on the defensive for something that was not even her business.

 

Last fall I hosted a family picnic at my house. We did not serve alcoholic beverages. Someone brought some beer, though. I didn't even know until after the party, when I saw the cans in my trash. I thought it was weird that someone would bring drinks to a party and not offer them to the hostess to serve to everyone. Maybe he thought I wouldn't like to have the beer at the party?? But then why would he bring it, if he thought it would offend me? It didn't bother me that people were drinking, but I thought it weird that they did it kind of privately at my home. I'm sure it must have been my cousin.

[gardenmom5]

If it is just in conversation, why can't you just talk about it without mentioning your own aversion?  I don't drink but I have no problem listening to others talk about their favorite wine etc.  Ask them questions and just listen.  Bringing up why I don't drink in the midst of such a conversation would be awkward, might be taken as being judgemental and is just unnecessary because it invites comment.  If someone asks me my opinion I say something like "I don't drink, but (mutual friend) really likes _________." 

 

this.

 

if one is in conversation with others who are enjoying their drinks (or talking about them), one doesn't need to comment about how one doesn't drink, think it tastes yucky, only heathens drink, etc..  as it can easily come across as sanctimonious.    if asked directly for one's opinion about a particular beer or wine - one can say " sorry. I wouldn't know, I don't drink.  you'll need to ask someone else.".  

If asked why you don't drink . . . well, then one can answer one doesn't like the taste (or whatever), end of discussion,  and they can prove if they're civilized or jerks.

I've can't remember the last time someone asked why I don't drink.  people have always accepted a simple "no thanks. I don't drink".  when in a group and the topic is alcohol,  I'll either listen quietly, say "that's interesting" or move on to another group.

[marbel]

The funny thing is, outside of my inlaws, it does not happen while someone is trying to force alcohol on me. It just happens in social conversations. And I can only think of a small handful times it has happened.

 

Wait, I don't understand.  Only your in-laws push alcohol on you?  And other people aren't pushing you to drink, but talking about drinking?  

 

If your in-laws are pushing it on you, your husband needs to tell them to knock it off.  Then, leave when it starts.

 

If with other people it's just coming up in conversation, does that mean people ask?  Like, "what's your favorite beer" or something like that?  Just say "I prefer not to drink." Don't bother to say you don't like the taste, because people will find something for you to try.  Just keep saying that you prefer not to.  And, maybe stop spending time with people who are rude like that?

 

And if it's only happened a handful of times, what's the big deal?  Is it just because you feel you mischaracterized your husband with that response?  

 

BTW I drink some, but when we have people over, some drink wine or beer or whatever, some don't, some do sometimes and not other times... whatever they want to do.  No one ever gets drunk though.

Edited May 20, 2017 by marbel

[6packofun]

The short story "Bartleby the Scrivener " gave me a great line for this situation: "I prefer not to." And for the record, Miss Manners agrees. You owe no explanation.

 

 

 I think you (or anyone)  might be surprised at how a "no"  or "prefer not to" seems to offend people as if it's a judgment about them!  I've had that happen numerous times.

[winterbaby]

It sounds like you've had some toxic experiences with drinkers. Missing the baby's mouth? Wow. Are these the same people who are pushing it on you? Well there's your answer. They're defensive. But is it possible the negative experiences you've had are coming through in your delivery and it sounds like judgment? Of course people can get defensive of judgment even where there's none intended. But you might try leaving off the whole issue of alcohol in general and simply refusing the particular drink, or choosing another one without comment. If pressed you could say something like "I don't care for it" which sounds more like a question of taste and less like a moral stance. I'm a drinker and refrain from drinking in many situations without catching any comment, which suggests to me that "I don't drink" is like waving a red flag in front of some people. But people who are trying to suss you out as a non-drinker and undermine you deserve little mercy, as do people who already know you don't drink and are making a chronic issue of it. "It's a personal issue, and you need to drop it already."

[cintinative]

I haven't been pressured like that since college! Yikes!

 

Well, I choose not to drink for multiple reasons. For one, because alcoholism or problem drinking is on both sides of my family and second, because I am on an anti-depressant.  Generally all I have to say is "no thank you" and people leave me alone. If they press, I mention that I am on an anti-depressant and it's a bad idea to drink when you take those. 

 

Part of the trouble is there are Christians out there that believe drinking of any kind is wrong.  Other than my MIL, I have not met those folks.  =)  She is scandalized that I cook with wine and my husband puts vodka in his pie crust (if you aren't doing this--you seriously should try it--it really helps the crust be flaky!)  I did have someone tell me (maybe my MIL--don't remember) that they don't buy regular wine for cooking but "cooking wine" which I would not use personally.  I am confident no harm will come to me if not all of the white wine evaporates off before I serve my dish. =) Anyway, I think some people go on the defensive because of this (the people who think all drinking is wrong) but they shouldn't do that.  I agree with the prior posters--you don't have to explain yourself. You just don't drink.

 

My husband also rarely drinks. He doesn't like beer or wine. Sometimes I think it is harder for him. Even most of the church guys have a beer now and then, but I don't think they give him a hard time. They will just suggest beers to try. =)

 

I'm sorry you had this experience OP.

 

Edited for grammar.

Edited May 20, 2017 by cintinative

[imagine.more]

I don't drink. I just don't like it and my mom is borderline alcoholic so I always felt like, why open pandora's box?

 

I've never had an issue with people pushing alcohol on me! That's so uncouth. People who know me well might ask, "so do you never drink?" To which I just say, "Yep, pretty much. I just don't like alcoholic drinks and there's a family history of alcohol problems so I never made an effort to like it." That always suffices. We have a friend (male) who doesn't drink for similar reasons. It's never an issue, he's the life of the party sober! Lol! If a person I don't know well offers me a drink at a party I just say "nah, no thanks" and they never press.

[SparklyUnicorn]

That's rude.  I don't understand why people feel the need to push anything.  I haven't encountered this with alcohol, but with food. 

 

 

[73349]

"No, thanks, I don't care for it."

"It's not for me."

 

Or if they push, "Wine smells to me like juice that has gone bad; I only like regular grape juice"/"Beer smells to me like there was a terrible accident with a bread machine." I don't think everybody understands that their carefully aged, lovingly fermented product is really indistinguishable from rotten food to some of us.

 

People seem to push alcohol or dessert when they are indulging and maybe not entirely confident about it.

[bettyandbob]

Do you have to say you don't drink.

 

Do you make your point in a way that draws attention to your choice.

 

Dh has close friends who drink. Dh does not drink at all. His parents drank a lit while he was growing up and he didn't like some of the choices they made. I'd probably drink more if dh drank, but when I'm out with him I generally don't drink. And I don't drink alone at home. So I occasionally have a drink with friends or neighbors.

 

I find if people are offering alcoholic beverages, just asking for a soda/seltzer/water doesn't result in undo conversation. I find people hosting events mostly want to make guests comfortable. So, when responding to someone wanting to get you a beer

 

"Do you have water or club soda?" Results in the host simply going for a cup, ice and soda.

 

While

 

"I don't drink beer. I never drink alcohol." Comes off either as a conversation prompt "why", and/or is judgemental. No one enjoys being subjected to judgemental or condescending tones. I'd take the time to consider the wording and tone of your responses.

[SKL]

I don't drink except for maybe 1 glass of wine at my parents' house each Thanksgiving.

 

It's not an issue - I don't mention it unless I need to; usually "no thank you" or "do you have anything non-alcoholic" is good enough.  If that makes people curious or whatever, I just say that alcohol and other chemicals affect me to where I would get sleepy, which I don't need to do right now.

 

I detest the taste of beer and most wines.  I can't remember anyone arguing with me over this, but maybe it has happened long ago.  I would just continue to say I was happy with my chosen drink etc.

 

Once I was applying for a job as a resident assistant as a dorm.  There was this exercise where I and the other applicants had to wear a sticker on our heads and interact based on what the other people's sticker said.  Apparently my sticker said "partier," and people kept inviting me to go drinking.  At some point I said "I don't drink because I'm an alcoholic."  I totally was NOT an alcoholic nor a drinker - I was just doing the role-play thing.  It occurred to me later that people may have thought I'd said the truth.  As it turned out, I didn't get the job.  :P

 

So yeah, being an alcoholic *is* one reason some people choose not to touch alcohol, and people can make the reverse assumption if someone brings up alcoholism.

 

Whether I'd go back and correct that assumption, and how, depends on my rapport with that person.  If it's someone you can easily talk to, I'd just bring it up and say, "I realized you might have thought ___ when I said ___.  Just wanted to clarify that isn't our issue; we've just seen others who struggle with it and we just want to steer clear."

[sbgrace]

I just say no thanks, I'll have x instead. I have only a handful of times been in situations were others were pushy about it. I think such people, in my experience, have had some background issues surrounding alcohol that make them uncomfortable with anyone not drinking. But, then again, some people go all weird when my son who is anaphylactic to tree nuts declines food too. Some people are just that way I guess?  

 

At any rate, trying to explain why would likely lead to awkwardness. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

It is rude to comment negatively on the food or drink that others enjoy. Even if someone is eating a stinky cheese, it isn't polite to talk about how much it makes you gag. (This is not directed directly to the OP but more to the idea of telling people that their drinks smell like something rotten. ). Excuse yourself if you can't stand it.

 

 

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[dirty ethel rackham]

I would just say "no, thank you."  But if they persist on getting you to drink, just ask them why it is so dagnabbit important to them whether or not you imbibe?  Then I would tell them that their badgering is rude. 

 

[Jenny in Florida]

I don't drink, but I haven't had anyone get pushy about it since I hit my 20s. Like a lot of other things, I found that once I was able to just say no politely and firmly and confidently, people just accept it.

 

If asked, I will casually explain that I don't like the flavor or the affects, then move on to "pass the bean dip."

[GoodGrief]

I don't drink, never have and never will. But I have never had someone try to push it on me. If offered, I decline with no explanation. I treat alcohol like any other beverage I don't want (tea, coffee, tomato juice, grapefruit juice...my preferred beverage list is short, lol)

[Lady Florida.]

I rarely drink beyond the occasional glass of wine with dinner but I haven't had anyone get pushy about it. Like Jenny in Florida, that hasn't happened to me since I was in my 20s. My friends all know and they might offer me a drink if everyone is drinking (especially if they're making "fun" drinks), but once I say no thanks, that ends it. Occasionally someone I don't know well will ask and I tell them the truth - I don't care for the taste of alcohol.

[snickerplum]

I my health classroom in jr high (so a while ago...) there was a sign that said something like "I don't drink because I like to remember when I've had a good time." I found it amusing and an easy way to say no thank you in college.

As an adult I don't think you owe anyone an explanation as to why you don't like to drink. I agree with the suggestion in response of pushy drinkers, "Why do YOU want me drink so badly...?" Perhaps followed with a snarky comment about high school and peer pressure. Of course, snark doesn't usually dissolve conflict. [emoji6]

 

 

 

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[TABmom]

I've never had to say anything beyond "no, thank you".

[Tanaqui]

It's both rude and strange that anybody is pushing this issue on you. You don't need a better answer. "No, thank you" is quite good enough. You need to set a boundary that says "I'm not going to accept this."

 

A sample conversation with this new personal rule in place might run like this:

 

Doofus: Would you like a beer?

You: No, thanks!

Doofus: Oh, c'mon!

You: I really don't like beer, but thank you.

Doofus: But this one tastes different/better/great/whatever.

You: I'll pass. Wow, it sure is hot out! They say it'll be cooler next week, I sure hope so. Half my neighbors were out yesterday putting out their air conditioners!

 

Hopefully the blatant subject change will work. If it doesn't, your next line is "I'm really not interested, and I'm uncomfortable with the way you are continuing to ask me" followed by "Wow, look at the time. I's been nice seeing you, maybe we can get together next week!" and then a swift exit. Everybody, no matter how slow, eventually gets the point if you up and leave every time they do what they really know they ought not to. (And once you've gone that last step, then every conversation with the same person, if they do the same thing, you leave after the first time you politely decline.)

 

It is acceptable to move to the subject change after one round, if you prefer.

[AimeeM]

Is there a culture here? By that I mean, it seems to be expected in my husband's family (and their close family friends, who are also Italian) that everyone (including children) partake in a bit of wine at family/friend dinners and certainly during celebrations. Let it be noted that I'm only assuming this is common among Italians, as his family is my first real encounter with "actually from Italy-Italians," as opposed to my southern exposure to "5 generations removed Italians." Maybe it's just his family -- but when they would visit FIL's, they would come bearing homemade wine much of the time, and it was certainly expected that they offer, or be offered, a glass of wine regardless (and there was always some to be had, whether they brought it or dad had it on hand) -- maybe it's just them, though. 

 

I noticed quickly that family or friends stopping by (which happened several times daily, but especially during the holidays) usually went as follows:

 

Uncle Frank brings over huge jug of homemade wine.

Dad finds small wine glasses.

Dad drags out his own jug of homemade wine. 

Vince stops by. Sometimes Vince meets another friend or family member on the walk over, and brings him or her by as well. Vince brings wine, too.

Dad finds more wine glasses. 

Everyone finds their way to the kitchen to comment on the pouring of the wine. 

Everyone comments on the color of Uncle Frank's wine.

Everyone smells Uncle Frank's wine.

Well wishes and kissing often commence at this point.

Everyone tastes Uncle Frank's wine.

Everyone starts hollering (there's my southern showing) and asking Uncle Frank what he did different this time with his wine.

Dad pours his wine into glasses.

Repeat the color comparing, smell comparing, well wishes and kissing and laughing.

Everyone tastes Dad's wine.

More hollering about what is different about this batch when compared to Dad's last.

The above comparisons mean that someone must find one of Dad or Uncle Frank's last batch to compare to THESE batches.

Repeat the pouring, color watching, sniffing, and tasting.

Everyone argues (good-naturedly) about whose wine is better -- but it always ends in a tie. Everyone's wine is good. More laughing and kissing.

 

Nobody is ever drunk, though. In fact, I've never even seen any of them tipsy. Not once, that I can recall. 

 

I don't drink. For no other reason than I don't like the taste -- and my own extended family DOES have a serious problem with alcohol addiction. Like, major.

The in-laws have no such problem, as I mentioned above. They partake, even nightly, but they never drink to inebriation that I've ever seen. They always ask me to have a glass with them, but it's really typically a guy thing with them, so they don't push it. They just kiss me, comment on my "babies" (none of whom are remotely babies any longer, lol), and move on. There may be some pouting, even -- but nobody gets pissy about it. I don't think they are pouting to pressure me... I think that, for them, this is socializing, which is why I asked you if there is any "culture" behind your extended family or friend's drinking. There is also a good deal of work going into it for my particular in-laws, because they make most of their wine themselves, with only a few exceptions, so sharing it is a "labor of love"?

 

Regardless, I would just state a couple of times that you don't drink. Period. Leave no room in your words or your tone for persuasion. If they don't drop it, don't go back for meals. 

 

 

 

 

[Misha]

I don't drink by choice. My bio-father is an alcoholic and while I enjoyed the occasional mixed drink in my twenties,  I no longer have a taste for it. 

 

People don't tend to push things on me; I don't respond nicely more than twice. 

 

I wouldn't change the subject at this point - I would clearly state "I don't choose to drink, and I want you to stop asking me about it." Repeat as often as necessary. 

I understand that a lot of people tend to feel uncomfortable about their own drinking and that's why they try to push drinks on nondrinkers, but it's beyond rude regardless. I'm sorry you and DH are dealing with this. 

[DawnM]

I grew up in an "alcohol is evil and wrong" household, but as an adult, I don't have a problem with some drinking.

But I realized I am not "a drinker."  I have an occasional glass of wine at a friend's, but don't keep it in my house, for example.

 

I have a group of friends through a parent group who are drinkers.  I mean heavy drinkers.  One woman orders 3 drinks with dinner every time we go out.  She spends $30 on alcohol and only $20-$25 on food.  I tend to get a $15 meal and water.

 

That group often makes comments about me not drinking, but whatever.  I have pulled back a bit from them.  I even was willing to host a dinner with them, but I don't want to pay for all the alcohol they drink!  My friend said, "Why don't you have a pizza and beer party and we can all come?"  

 

Well, because I don't want to host your alcohol problem and even thought the pizza might be $50, the beer would be another $100 for just 6 of us!  And DH and I don't even drink beer ever!  We hate the taste.

 

But I have noticed the 3 women who are drinkers have been doing more together and leaving me out.  That is fine.  I expected it as they get together "for drinks" when I have no desire to do that unless there is a latte involved.  :laugh:

[Alice]

My husband and I don't drink. I have a lot of alcoholism and drug addiction in mg family so I chose not to. Dh is Asian and like lots of Asians can't metabolize alcohol and gets very sick with even a tit bit.

 

For the most part I just say no thanks. If I'm at a dinner where alcohol is being served I just ask for something else with no explanation. Most of the time that's fine. If for some reason an explanation is needed I give it quickly.

 

As a Christian I know people who don't drink for what they feel are moral reasons. I have felt that sometimes people who are drinking think I am not drinking for similar reasons and feel judged. So I make sure to explain that I have no problem with drinking, it's just that personally I made the choice to not do it because of genetics. That does seem to help people feel more comfortable with my choice. I wonder if some of the people you have met feel judged, maybe because of bed experiences they have had with other people.

[trulycrabby]

If pushed, I say, "I don't drink and you are being rude to push it on me."

[Carrie12345]

I'm sorry you have jerks around you!

 

While I do drink in general, I don't always drink out, and I never touched wine until I was in my very late 30s.  Other than my own sisters teasing me about being wine-averse (which was fine by me), I've never had anyone try to push a drink on me.