caedmyn Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 DH and I have pretty much done our own things in the evenings ever since we've had kids. We can't seem to come up with anything that we both enjoy doing to do together. He spends every evening watching tv/movies, and I read and stretch (I have chronic neck and shoulder issues). I'm not a huge tv/movie watcher. If I do watch, I prefer to be doing something else as well, like stretching. In DH's mind "spending time together" only counts if I'm doing nothing else. No stretching and chatting/watching tv/etc. We both like playing games, but not the same kinds of games. He likes strategy games that take a long time like Catan. I like quick games that don't involve too much thinking. So...what could we do together after the kids are in bed (aside from the obvious!). I have maybe 30 mins of "extra" time most nights before I need to go to bed. Any suggestions for games that don't take too long that we both might like? I got Carcassonne for us last year and he's played it with me twice. Says it doesn't involve any strategy...sigh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 mancala 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Puzzles? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kareni Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 You could play SET fairly quickly. I wouldn't say it involves strategy, but it does require logical thinking. Quarto is another option that is a two player game. You might take a look at Hanabi; it's a cooperative card game. Regards, Kareni 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 7 Wonders is quick once you learn how to play. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Are you only looking for game suggestions? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Puzzles? You don't have to finish them in one night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Cribbage 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slache Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Take a walk. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 If he's a chess player and you're not, try No a Stress Chess. People who don't play can play because you draw a card and move only that piece. The card tells you how to move that piece. Chess players don't automatically win because they can only move the piece on the card they drew. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Munchkin? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Bananagrams Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joules Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Mastermind Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Take a walk. Yes. Husband and I walk most nights. We don't have small children so we can leave the house. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2bee Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Read an episodic mystery, or choose your own adventure book. Work on a model together Listen to a cd lecture, book or music Learn to Dance from YouTube videos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 When we have a short period of time together hubby and I enjoy Bananagrams, taking a quick walk, or even finding hidden pictures in the old I Spy books. Sometimes if our internet connection is decent we'll also check out Studio C (comedy) quick videos on YouTube. We do puzzles once in a while too - usually in the winter when walking conditions tend to not be as favorable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 I was going to suggest an evening walk too, until I saw the ages of your kids. I don't have any other ideas. My husband and I rarely spend time together in the evening, unless the whole family is watching something on tv, or we go for a walk. It don't see it as a negative for us. We just like to spend our time differently. (And both need some solitude at the end of the day.) Wonder if your husband can articulate why it bothers him if you are stretching while you watch tv together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 We just have some dessert and coffee. And by that, I mean he usually has dessert and I usually have coffee. And we sit and talk. Or we just sit and talk. We don't have the same interests in TV either. He likes car shows, golf channel, Military channel, etc......we have a very short list of shows we actually enjoy together and honestly he is impossible to watch shows with. Some action will trigger some memory from his friend in childhood and he wants to talk over the show to tell me about it. Thank goodness for Tivo! I have to pause. I hate missing half the show and then trying to figure out what they are talking about the rest of it. (sorry, was that too much griping about my DH?) 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 (edited) Didn't see your kids' ages when I replied. I guess walking won't work then. When we don't walk, we sit and talk. We always have something to talk about. Play scrabble (DH can't stand games usually; that is a rare one he tolerates) Listen to audio lecture (mostly in the car, but one could at home, too) Eat, drink wine, talk. Edited October 29, 2016 by regentrude 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadeOrchidSong Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 (edited) Sorry I missed it in the OP. Brew some tea and have some treats together. Drink a little wine and just sit and chat. Edited October 29, 2016 by JadeOrchidSong 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nan in Mass Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 (edited) We play cribbage or pingpong, go for a walk, do errands, play duets, put on some music and dance, or sit around with cups of tea in front of the fire and talk. I agree that it is important to find things to play together. Nan Eta - we also play scrabble on my ipad or do a crossword puzzle together. We do both of these things cooperatively. In other words, we try to figure out the crossword together and we play scrabble open handed and make suggestions to each other. We also read aloud to each other while the other one sews or draws or cooks or repairs something. Edited October 29, 2016 by Nan in Mass 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Kulami and 32 Dice are both short games that involve strategy similar to Chess. You have to think about your opponents future moves. But they're both really easy to learn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Brew a nice pot of tEa. She did say, "besides the obvious" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadeOrchidSong Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 She did say, "besides the obvious" Sorry, I missed that. ;0). Just woke up. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 (edited) DH and I have pretty much done our own things in the evenings ever since we've had kids. We can't seem to come up with anything that we both enjoy doing to do together. He spends every evening watching tv/movies, and I read and stretch (I have chronic neck and shoulder issues). I'm not a huge tv/movie watcher. If I do watch, I prefer to be doing something else as well, like stretching. In DH's mind "spending time together" only counts if I'm doing nothing else. No stretching and chatting/watching tv/etc. We both like playing games, but not the same kinds of games. He likes strategy games that take a long time like Catan. I like quick games that don't involve too much thinking. So...what could we do together after the kids are in bed (aside from the obvious!). I have maybe 30 mins of "extra" time most nights before I need to go to bed. Any suggestions for games that don't take too long that we both might like? I got Carcassonne for us last year and he's played it with me twice. Says it doesn't involve any strategy...sigh. He hasn't played Carcassone enough to really figure it out if he says that.... LOL, I thought of Carcassone immediately from the first paragraph, lol. I'd happily choose Carcassone over Catan (unless you're adding in one of the add-ons) any day of the week. ;) Listening to an audiobook? My husband is *not* a reader and he decided to listen to an audiobook (Lion, Witch, and Wardrobe) going to/from work and got hooked. He'll listen to anything I get him now. :) ETA: *I will admit we are on our first ever (20 years!) TV kick together. We're watching old Survivor & Amazing Race shows, lol. He isn't picky about what he watches and I love the social strategy of Survivor. (Plus, we have only ever seen 1-2 Survivor seasons and now there's like 27.) Edited October 29, 2016 by BlsdMama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Cook together? You could do make ahead breakfast things together for in the morning. Or special just the two of you post kids go to bed dessert. Read together? For awhile dh and I were reading Shakespeare scenes together and that was fun. Dh and I like to play quickie rounds of Taboo together. Or Concept. But if you can't agree on Carcassone, I think you won't agree on a game. That should be a good compromise one. 7 Wonders Duel, Splendor, Tsuro, Jaipur are all half hour games that are good for two that we like that have some strategy but aren't too deep thinking... but I'm thinking it might be a waste to get him to try any of those. You could try Pandemic, I guess. If you have two iPads, Pandemic or Ticket to Ride have good local play options for two iPads and it makes the set up/clean up nonexistent, which is good if you're trying to be quick and/or have small kids to think about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TABmom Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 My BIL/SIL bought a hot tub and sit in it for 30 or so minutes after their kids are in bed. They don't take their phones with them. She says it's the best thing they've ever done for their marriage. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rebcoola Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 My BIL/SIL bought a hot tub and sit in it for 30 or so minutes after their kids are in bed. They don't take their phones with them. She says it's the best thing they've ever done for their marriage. My sister does this to. We used to sit outside around the fire-pit, drink and talk it was easy and relaxing. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 For games, my DH and I went through a Battleship phase. It was really fun, especially as I was Admiral of the Fleet Umsami and he was lower ranked. Heehee. (app version) What about getting an air hockey, foosball, or pool table? Jjust holding hands and talking? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rockhopper Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 For several years early in our marriage, around this time of year, dh and I would break out all of the painting supplies and paint ceramic or plaster Christmas village houses. We really enjoyed having that as a hobby, and that it was seasonal, not year round. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 We do a lot of physical contact (massages, back-scratching, cuddling, etc.) and no, it doesn't necessarily lead to TeA. Sometimes bathing together as we have an oversized tub (that is not a Jacuzzi :glare: ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
highspirits Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 I agree with the above poster, Carcassonne has plenty of strategy, especially if you add expansions. I do know people however who don't really like any element of 'luck' in their games at all. If that's your husband, I would suggest Hive, a short simple chess-like game. Very fun and perfect for two players. Also try patchwork. Neither game has a luck element but can be played in less than 30 minutes. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Read the same book and talk about it together. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caedmyn Posted October 29, 2016 Author Share Posted October 29, 2016 I will look into some of those games more. I'm not sure that he won't find some reason to dislike any game I suggest. We have 7 Wonders...I've only been able to get him to play it once. He does like Scrabble but I haven't had much fun playing it with him in the past. Mybe Bananagrams would be better. He generally won't articulate why anything bothers him. But I think that quality time is his love language, and I've read that people with this love language want undivided attention for it to "count", so I guess that's it. To me watching television and giving someone undivided attention are mutually exclusive, but oh well. I don't see him going for reading a book together or listening to audiobooks. He cooks, but doesn't like to share the kitchen when he's using it. He's talked about getting a hot tub before, but I'm afraid a kid would drown if we did. It is very hard to childproof anything well enough to guarantee that one of them won't find a way to access what they want. I got him a series of couples massage videos for his bd last year and have only been able to convince him to watch part of it twice. Talking...that's another issue. We either have nothing to talk about, or he vents about things people do that he disagrees with, or we basically end up gossipping. It would be nice to have more constructive topics of conversation, but I haven't figured out how to do that. I printed off a list of conversation starters a while back, and after I asked him the first couple, he said, "You asked me these a few years ago." Maybe it's a lost cause. It doesn't bother me any to do my own thing every night, but it does him. And probably our relationship would improve if we did more together. Would be nice to feel like a married couple instead of two people living in the same house and trying to survive child raising together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Well if quality time is his love language and he wants your undivided attention then maybe aim to spend one night a week cuddled up with him while watching TV. Even if you could be doing something else just strive to be present with him like that once a week. My dh and I love watching a show or 2 at the end of the night. Most of the time we're both doing something else. But the nights that we just sit cuddling while watching our certainly nicer and bring us closer.so we've found a good balance between the 2. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 I have started cuddling more with dh. I lay my head in the hollow of his shoulder and watch football and now the World Series with him. I was inspired by my dd and her boyfriend lol! It is very sweet. Maybe you could do that a few nights a week and play a card game or cribbage or something like that one night a week. You don't have to do the same ghing every night. As far as conversation, I think it is worthwhile to learn how to talk with your spouse. Some like to be asked about their day, some like to suppose about the future, some like to listen rather than talk about themwelves. For some, connection comes thru talking, but fir others, connection has to happen another way before they can talk. Find out how to connect. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 (edited) nm Edited December 28, 2016 by ..Kathy.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lisabees Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 How about enjoying a cup of coffee together in the morning? I make dh's lunch, as he makes me coffee. We love that time together. Body rub or foot massage Listen to a podcast and laugh. We love No Such Thing as a Fish. Walk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 All I can think of is "the obvious". That is what we do to feel like we aren't just roommates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 I will look into some of those games more. I'm not sure that he won't find some reason to dislike any game I suggest. We have 7 Wonders...I've only been able to get him to play it once. He does like Scrabble but I haven't had much fun playing it with him in the past. Mybe Bananagrams would be better. He generally won't articulate why anything bothers him. But I think that quality time is his love language, and I've read that people with this love language want undivided attention for it to "count", so I guess that's it. To me watching television and giving someone undivided attention are mutually exclusive, but oh well. I don't see him going for reading a book together or listening to audiobooks. He cooks, but doesn't like to share the kitchen when he's using it. He's talked about getting a hot tub before, but I'm afraid a kid would drown if we did. It is very hard to childproof anything well enough to guarantee that one of them won't find a way to access what they want. I got him a series of couples massage videos for his bd last year and have only been able to convince him to watch part of it twice. Talking...that's another issue. We either have nothing to talk about, or he vents about things people do that he disagrees with, or we basically end up gossipping. It would be nice to have more constructive topics of conversation, but I haven't figured out how to do that. I printed off a list of conversation starters a while back, and after I asked him the first couple, he said, "You asked me these a few years ago." Maybe it's a lost cause. It doesn't bother me any to do my own thing every night, but it does him. And probably our relationship would improve if we did more together. Would be nice to feel like a married couple instead of two people living in the same house and trying to survive child raising together. I think a little of what is going on is that you have a lot of kids and they are young. I think I remember a couple of them are very high energy too. In a couple years things will start getting easier. Does your husband have any ideas? Could you knit (or something similar) while sitting with him as he watches TV? Do your kids stay in bed once in bed? Could you exchange childcare duties with a friend or have a neighbor come over while they are asleep so you could go for a walk or go out on a date? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 We had a game a long time ago that had easy, moderate, and difficult 5 minute mystery cards and we'd take turns solving them! We had a blast doing that, but we're sort of nerdy. LOL Some were more puzzle-like and some were classic whodunit type of mini stories with clues. There are tons of books and games like that. :) The game Hive is fun and requires a bit of strategy but not over the top--I don't like tons of strategy, either. We know some couples who play a card game called Exploding Kittens...you'll have to look into it, but it gets good reviews from several friends! We like to watch those Brain Game shows that sort of encourage viewer participation. Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes is a bomb defusal game that can be played with 2 people! Our kids love it, too. http://www.keeptalkinggame.com/ (We got it for the computer on Steam--$15 and the manual is a free PDF) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 I'm not a game person, so no ideas there. :) Do you have a porch or deck? We hang out on the front porch for morning coffee. We get really into espresso tasting. At night we hit the back deck and the rocking chairs, with wine. We listen to music or talk. Wine tasting is a big thing here. Sometimes one of us makes a tray of cheese and olives, we take the bottle of wine and watch a show in bed. It turns into a picnic. We take turns in the bath - usually not together. Our house once had a hot tub, but I share your fears. We had it removed. I know - sacrilege! Once in a while we hang out at the fire pit, but our kids are young and I prefer to be either really close or in the house. Massage - especially since you maybe get sore? We have a massage table in our bedroom. Start off giving the massages, and you'll end up getting them, too. Oh! Another thought which isn't my thing, but I can handle here and there... DH is frequently given nice cigars. He doesn't smoke, but we do have a humidor and he'll occasionally sit outside with one. He doesn't finish it, but it's kind of fun, and novel. One thing I find is that the more I work to create what I want, the more it happens. So if I regularly set stuff up for time to hang out and talk, give a massage, whatever ... then it becomes just *what we do* and it's no longer me setting things up. DH gets in on it, and will throw together our wine and goodies, or whatever we need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeAgain Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 What did you used to do before you had kids? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 Why not take turns with games. One night it's one you want, next him, next you, etc. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caedmyn Posted October 30, 2016 Author Share Posted October 30, 2016 He won't suggest anything. And if he's not interested in doing something, he won't do it, so taking turns choosing won't work. The concepts of compromise/give-and-take don't really exist with him. Really I don't think he's very interested in anything other than watching movies/tv. Before we had kids we watched movies or ran errands together. Maybe I could try for a weekly at-home date night and think of different ideas for that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 He won't suggest anything. And if he's not interested in doing something, he won't do it, so taking turns choosing won't work. The concepts of compromise/give-and-take don't really exist with him. Really I don't think he's very interested in anything other than watching movies/tv. Before we had kids we watched movies or ran errands together. Maybe I could try for a weekly at-home date night and think of different ideas for that. Maybe you need to get one of those pool noodles and bop him on the head. :glare: 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lisabees Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 Maybe you need to get one of those pool noodles and bop him on the head. :glare: Or find a part time job or volunteer work or book club or create a ladies night out and leave the kids with him. :) 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kareni Posted November 3, 2016 Share Posted November 3, 2016 I thought of a couple more games that have an element of logical/strategic thinking though there is also a strong component of luck. Qwixx - A Fast Family Dice Game Love Letter Love Letter is also available in several different versions; it's the same game but with different art/verbiage. Love Letter The Hobbit Love Letter: Batman Munchkin Loot Letter Love Letter Adventure Time Regards, Kareni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted November 3, 2016 Share Posted November 3, 2016 Or find a part time job or volunteer work or book club or create a ladies night out and leave the kids with him. :) Or a boyfriend! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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