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About caedmyn

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    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

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  1. I've had six completely uncomplicated home births, including two surprise breeches, needing no more assistance than someone to catch the baby and help me to the bed afterwards. Unassisted births are still outside my comfort zone. Though if I had to choose between a hospital birth (for a normal, uncomplicated pregnancy) and an unassisted birth, I might choose an unassisted birth.
  2. I agree that it would benefit all of us if DH changed his ideas. I’ve tried. He is unwilling to change his ideas. I do stand up for my kids, which doesn’t change DH’s ideas any, but is at least somewhat helpful for them. I just have to pick the battles that I feel are most worth fighting, because I don’t have the energy to fight them all.
  3. There’s not any anger at all in my OP, nor throughout this whole thread (on my part anyway). I’m not sure where you’re getting that from. If it wasn’t for the cat I wouldn’t worry much about her clothes being on the floor, but since both her and I would like to keep the cat, and I don’t want the carpet or the clothes ruined, I am trying to solve the peeing-on-clothes problem which is caused by clothes left on the floor.
  4. I'm going to try fining her .25 per item of clothing on the floor. And also requiring her to fold and hang all her clean clothes in the laundry room before she takes them to her room, which will hopefully make it easy for her to actually put her clothes away. I don't think she likes folding clothes so she leaves the clean ones in the basket and chucks the dirty ones on the floor. Me telling her to take her clean basket to her room and fold and put them away right away hasn't helped.
  5. Her tablet motivates her. And going to friends' houses or events she wants to go to. I use the tablet as both a consequence (blocking it or a particular app), and an incentive (I'll temporarily unblock an app she wants that I'm not thrilled about when X is done)
  6. That's not quite what I'm saying. Capability and motivation are two different things. She's capable of picking up her room but not motivated to do it. Checklists support ability, but they don't provide motivation. Supervision can help with both ability and motivation. I don't always have the bandwidth for consistent intensive supervision, so I need to use consequences and incentives to help provide motivation. In this case I probably need to try to provide more supervision as well as a consequence or incentive.
  7. She actually just had it thinned as part of a trim. I'll have to ask her if she notices a difference in washing/drying it.
  8. There's a big difference between rehoming an animal who is damaging or destroying property, and getting rid of or killing an animal to hurt, intimidate, or manipulate someone in an abusive situation. *If* we rehomed the cat (which as I've said I am not planning on doing), it would be because he's repeatedly peeing on the carpet, not because DD isn't keeping her room clean. Her not picking her clothes up is simply encouraging the problem, and as I don't want to rehome the cat, she needs to not be giving him opportunities to have this problem.
  9. 1. I'm not planning on rehoming the cat. 2. People are reading a little much into DD's hygiene habits. She's not depressed. She's just not good at remembering to put the eye ointment on regularly. I wouldn't say she's highly motivated to deal with it, but she's not uncaring either. As for showers, it's mainly washing her hair that she dislikes (because it's long and super thick and takes a long time to both wash and dry). She's not a girl who's super interested in fashion and appearance, which is a mixed blessing (and I was the same way--she's probably in about the same place at 15 a
  10. Believe it or not I actually put a fair bit of time and effort into trying to help my kids with their issues. While I do feel quite a bit of frustration at times, nowhere did I say that I expected her to hop to it, and she doesn't get contempt or name calling from me either. For the most part I don't even lecture. A typical conversation about her room looks like this: Me--"DD, you have clothes on the floor again. You have GOT to keep them off the floor so the cat doesn't pee on them." DD--"I know, I know." And that's it. (Yes I've also tried consequences and offering solutions and picked
  11. I don't think this is an either-or issue, where I have to choose between the carpet and a good relationship with her. I actually have a pretty good relationship with her, and generally manage to find ways to motivate her or say what needs to be said without damaging the relationship (and yes, I let a lot of things go also).
  12. I really think this is the case with her. She just doesn't put much effort into things, even things she wants, pretty much across the board. She's always been like this. She generally seems to need external motivation to make things happen. Sometimes I see a smidge of internal motivation, but that generally isn't enough at this point to make the thing she wants actually happen. I'm guessing personality-wise she's what author Gretchen Rubin calls an Obliger, who is more motivated by external expectations and motivation than internal ones.
  13. Yes, he prefers her out of any of us. Maybe I'll suggest she pile clothes on top of her dresser instead of the floor.
  14. I have spent quite a bit of time trying to give her tools. She generally chooses not to use them, so yes, at that point it becomes a motivation issue and consequences or incentives are the only way I know of to motivate, since talking is generally ineffective as a motivator with my kids. This is a kid who would probably shower twice a month if I didn't tell her (about once a week, after reminding her a few times to shower) that her tablet will be blocked til she takes a shower. This is a kid who's had a red crusty thing going on around her eyes for a good year and just will not consistently
  15. And in the mean time I should just ignore the fact that the carpet may be ruined?
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