Jump to content



  • Posts

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by caedmyn

  1. This worked well for one of his brothers. This child can’t really read though (dyslexic, doing tutoring, just taking him forever) so he can’t do much independently. Even for math I have to stay close to read the instructions to him.
  2. Yes, they watch that all the time! Now that I know where he’s getting it from I’ll have a talk with him about it.
  3. I think he’d respond well to chocolate chips so I’ll try that with him. Maybe I can offer him one for each thing he gets done before we officially start school also. He can get done quickly when he buckles down and does his work, but when he doesn’t care to work it’s a tiring battle to get him to stay in his seat and work.
  4. I don’t think it has anything to do with his siblings being in school as Mondays were awful for all the boys when they were all homeschooling. We do school four days a week already, but I could offer to let him pick one of his lesser “subjects” (math flashcards, copywork, memory work) to drop on Mondays. His school day only about 1.5 hrs a day anyway so it’s not like he’s overloaded with work. Exercise might help also if I can get him to do it. Maybe I can come up with an easy obstacle course for him and his little brothers to do in the mornings. They’d probably all like that.
  5. Mondays are always awful. My lone homeschooled kid (8 yo) is always pokey and uncooperative on Mondays. He’s passive-aggressively uncooperative in general, but definitely worse on Mondays. Anyone have a way to make Mondays go better? Also, if anyone has found a good way to get cooperation from a passive-aggressive kid...he does things like randomly answer questions with “Potato”, or instead of telling me what one dollar plus three dimes is, will say, “More than a dollar.” He knows the answer, apparently it’s just more fun to not give it. He does some version if this all day long but especially during school time.
  6. I've had six completely uncomplicated home births, including two surprise breeches, needing no more assistance than someone to catch the baby and help me to the bed afterwards. Unassisted births are still outside my comfort zone. Though if I had to choose between a hospital birth (for a normal, uncomplicated pregnancy) and an unassisted birth, I might choose an unassisted birth.
  7. I agree that it would benefit all of us if DH changed his ideas. I’ve tried. He is unwilling to change his ideas. I do stand up for my kids, which doesn’t change DH’s ideas any, but is at least somewhat helpful for them. I just have to pick the battles that I feel are most worth fighting, because I don’t have the energy to fight them all.
  8. There’s not any anger at all in my OP, nor throughout this whole thread (on my part anyway). I’m not sure where you’re getting that from. If it wasn’t for the cat I wouldn’t worry much about her clothes being on the floor, but since both her and I would like to keep the cat, and I don’t want the carpet or the clothes ruined, I am trying to solve the peeing-on-clothes problem which is caused by clothes left on the floor.
  9. I'm going to try fining her .25 per item of clothing on the floor. And also requiring her to fold and hang all her clean clothes in the laundry room before she takes them to her room, which will hopefully make it easy for her to actually put her clothes away. I don't think she likes folding clothes so she leaves the clean ones in the basket and chucks the dirty ones on the floor. Me telling her to take her clean basket to her room and fold and put them away right away hasn't helped.
  10. Her tablet motivates her. And going to friends' houses or events she wants to go to. I use the tablet as both a consequence (blocking it or a particular app), and an incentive (I'll temporarily unblock an app she wants that I'm not thrilled about when X is done)
  11. That's not quite what I'm saying. Capability and motivation are two different things. She's capable of picking up her room but not motivated to do it. Checklists support ability, but they don't provide motivation. Supervision can help with both ability and motivation. I don't always have the bandwidth for consistent intensive supervision, so I need to use consequences and incentives to help provide motivation. In this case I probably need to try to provide more supervision as well as a consequence or incentive.
  12. She actually just had it thinned as part of a trim. I'll have to ask her if she notices a difference in washing/drying it.
  13. There's a big difference between rehoming an animal who is damaging or destroying property, and getting rid of or killing an animal to hurt, intimidate, or manipulate someone in an abusive situation. *If* we rehomed the cat (which as I've said I am not planning on doing), it would be because he's repeatedly peeing on the carpet, not because DD isn't keeping her room clean. Her not picking her clothes up is simply encouraging the problem, and as I don't want to rehome the cat, she needs to not be giving him opportunities to have this problem.
  14. 1. I'm not planning on rehoming the cat. 2. People are reading a little much into DD's hygiene habits. She's not depressed. She's just not good at remembering to put the eye ointment on regularly. I wouldn't say she's highly motivated to deal with it, but she's not uncaring either. As for showers, it's mainly washing her hair that she dislikes (because it's long and super thick and takes a long time to both wash and dry). She's not a girl who's super interested in fashion and appearance, which is a mixed blessing (and I was the same way--she's probably in about the same place at 15 as I was at age 13 as a kid with good EF and lots of internal motivation). And we do have structures in place to help her stay on top of those things, but they're dependent on me remembering to implement them all the time, and my brain doesn't work all that well these days due to health issues. 3. I do have her pick up her room regularly. Not daily, probably more like weekly. She's perfectly capable of doing this without a checklist. She also actually worked on organizing and decluttering her room somewhat, on her own, on two occasions the past couple of months. She is maturing, it's just soooooo slow.
  15. Believe it or not I actually put a fair bit of time and effort into trying to help my kids with their issues. While I do feel quite a bit of frustration at times, nowhere did I say that I expected her to hop to it, and she doesn't get contempt or name calling from me either. For the most part I don't even lecture. A typical conversation about her room looks like this: Me--"DD, you have clothes on the floor again. You have GOT to keep them off the floor so the cat doesn't pee on them." DD--"I know, I know." And that's it. (Yes I've also tried consequences and offering solutions and picked up her clothes for her and stuff like that.)
  16. I don't think this is an either-or issue, where I have to choose between the carpet and a good relationship with her. I actually have a pretty good relationship with her, and generally manage to find ways to motivate her or say what needs to be said without damaging the relationship (and yes, I let a lot of things go also).
  17. I really think this is the case with her. She just doesn't put much effort into things, even things she wants, pretty much across the board. She's always been like this. She generally seems to need external motivation to make things happen. Sometimes I see a smidge of internal motivation, but that generally isn't enough at this point to make the thing she wants actually happen. I'm guessing personality-wise she's what author Gretchen Rubin calls an Obliger, who is more motivated by external expectations and motivation than internal ones.
  18. Yes, he prefers her out of any of us. Maybe I'll suggest she pile clothes on top of her dresser instead of the floor.
  19. I have spent quite a bit of time trying to give her tools. She generally chooses not to use them, so yes, at that point it becomes a motivation issue and consequences or incentives are the only way I know of to motivate, since talking is generally ineffective as a motivator with my kids. This is a kid who would probably shower twice a month if I didn't tell her (about once a week, after reminding her a few times to shower) that her tablet will be blocked til she takes a shower. This is a kid who's had a red crusty thing going on around her eyes for a good year and just will not consistently do what both the doctors we've seen for it recommend, which is put antibiotic ointment on 2x/day. I have tried reminders, motivators, asking her what she can do to help herself remember, suggestions when she can't/won't come up with anything, etc. At some point she just has to want to, and I'm not willing to have my carpet ruined while I wait for her to develop that on her own.
  20. And in the mean time I should just ignore the fact that the carpet may be ruined?
  21. They stink. "Want to" is definitely an issue here, as I'm good at organizing and spend a few hours 3-4 times a year helping her organize and declutter her room, and she simply won't bother to put stuff away rather than dumping it on the floor or nearest horizontal surface.
  22. DD15 is a slob. She leaves her clothes lying all over the floor of her room, including her basketball uniform which does not belong to her, and her school uniforms. She has a place for all her clothes--apparently it's just less trouble to drop them on the floor rather than walking 3 steps to the closet to hang something up or put something in the dirty basket. I get that this is pretty normal for teens, but we have a cat who is mostly DD's, and she wants the cat in her room at night. The cat has peed on clothes left on the floor a few times (maybe 4 total over the past year). He has never peed on the floor, just on clothes left on the floor. We don't know why he does this--he has a litter box in her room and it doesn't seem to be an issue of the litter box not being clean enough for him or anything like that). I've told DD in the past that she either has to keep the clothes off the floor or the cat can't be in her room. She isn't keeping the clothes off the floor but continues to let the cat in her room. She set out her school uniform on the floor last night and the cat peed on them (WHY she thought taking a skirt and dress shirt off hangers and putting them on the floor was the thing to do I have no idea). This can't continue. I don't want to have to worry about cat pee on the carpet, and if DH finds out the cat is doing this he's likely to insist that the cat has to go. Realistically I cannot actually prevent DD from letting the cat in her room, so I need ideas for consequences to motivate her to keep her clothes off the floor, or for other ways to handle this situation.
  23. I've said this several times before here...I see zero indication of executive function issues or ADHD in DH. They're just not there. Genetics-wise this is coming from my dad.
  24. My point was that personal experiences are naturally going to tend to affect feelings and behavior more than statistics, and that doesn’t make someone ignorant or stupid or worthy of contempt. I can acknowledge the rarity of stranger abductions yet still feel uneasy or extra cautious about some situations EVEN THOUGH I know stranger abduction is extremely unlikely, because of my personal experiences.
  25. One thing that bothers about this thread is a bit of an attitude (by a few posters, not all) of acting like people are irrational or stupid if their personal experience doesn't agree with statistics on a particular issue. Someone's close-to-home experiences, whether actual personal experience or geographically close or circle of friends/aquaintances, is generally going to have more weight in their mind than any statistic, and that's natural and shouldn't be cause for someone to be talked down to or criticized. Personally I'm aware that there are very few stranger abductions in the US. However, when I was in law enforcement before I got married, we had a case where a girl of about 9 was abducted by a stranger who climbed through her bedroom window, kidnapped her, shot her up with meth, raped her, and released her by the side of the road. All my knowledge of how rare stranger kidnappings are didn't make me not be always a little bit uneasy about the window location when we lived in a house where my daughter's bedroom window was at ground level (daylight basement). I also had odd experiences a couple years ago with my boys involving an older guy at my gym. One day I was getting them all out of my van to go into the gym, and a well-dressed, jovial guy about 60 years old came up and started talking to them and wanting to give them all high 5s. It was slightly weird but IME random older people are occasionally quite interested in a larger family of boys, so I wouldn't have really considered it unusual, until I realized that the guy had been driving through the gym parking lot and literally stopped his car in the middle of the lot to get out and come talk to my kids. We saw the same guy a month or so later at the gym--he walked out of the gym and stopped to joke with a delivery driver out front. We walked by them and the guy literally followed us back into the gym talking to my kids and trying to get one of them to shake his hand. I just kept on walking and he stopped after a few seconds. It was creepy. Now I don't really think he was trying to abduct one of my kids--I don't really know what he was trying to accomplish, but I'm convinced he was a pedophile. Those experiences have made me more leery of random strangers and a bit more uneasy about my kids going to parks etc without me than I'd otherwise be.
  • Create New...