Would you consider moving just for change?

[Janeway]

Background..my dh and I grew up in the midwest and went to college there. After college, we went separate ways. That last a year and a half or so. Then, we both went to grad school and took a job in the south and less than a year later, married. At the time, we both agreed that we did not want to continue living here, in the bible belt, but, we could not agree on where to live. I wanted to return to where I used to live, and he wanted to return to where he used to live. Both of us wanted to return to where we chose to go after college. <sigh> As a result, we never moved. 

 

It has been 23 years now almost. Next year, my husband's boss is retiring. He is currently a remote employee. If they do not transfer him and make him come to the office, then we will be free to live where we want. We have a nice house in a nice area and have settled in to life here. But we were so unhappy for the first decade or so. We are trying to decide if his company does not transfer him otherwise, should we just move? Is it that we have grown to like it here, or have we just resigned ourselves. My husband says he thinks maybe we have grown stagnant and a move would be good for us, wake us up, that sort of thing. I definitely used to be a west coast kind of person, but wonder if that was just the young me. Maybe at my age, the west coast would no longer be my thing. I may not know much else, but I definitely do not want to return to the cold I grew up in. Winter coats and being inside 6+ months out of the year is not my thing. And I get depressed when I do not have enough sunlight. The heat is overwhelming here though. 

 

Any opinions? Suggestions? Anyone BTDT? 

[JessReplanted]

No, moving is too hard for me. It takes way too long to really settle into a place, build community, and feel at home.

[creekland]

Take a trip and see what you think.  Be sure to look at houses for sale (at least on paper) to see if what you would like would also be affordable.

 

It might help you decide you can move and enjoy it or it might make you thankful for what you have back home.

 

Either way you get a trip out of it, so all is not lost.   :coolgleamA:

[Guest]

Yes :). But I'd only do it once or twice in my lifetime. I did it once already and we are looking at either putting down roots or doing it one more time to wherever we end up building.

[Shelly in IL]

Id do it! But I love change, houses, and were ex military so used to moving!

[ScoutTN]

No, at this stage we would not move. We have community, which is invaluable. We are not willing to ditch relationships we have built over 18 years for a new location. Our kids have friends. We have a church family and lots of homeschooling support.  Also, my mom is 80 and moved here to be near us. Our kids are her only grandchildren. 

 

I moved to different states six times growing up and while I enjoyed many of the places we lived, the disruption in relationships was so hard and I would never choose that for my kids.  

 

Besides, we like where we live. 

 

We can see and enjoy other places on vacations.

OP, I am with you on not returning to the midwest. I am happy to live in a 4 season climate with short, mild winters.

 

 

 

 

Edited April 2, 2016 by ScoutTN

[Pink and Green Mom]

What do your kids think of the idea?  We moved here 3 years ago and my kids were ok with it (at ages 11 and 8).  We may have to move again (at ages 15 and 11.5) and they are devastated at the thought of leaving their friends, their home, their school/co-op, etc.

[ErinE]

We've moved four times in five years, big cross country moves. I don't want to do it again and more importantly, my kids don't want to do it. If the ages in your signature are correct, I would talk to your children before considering the decision. My oldest is 13 and he has expressed strongly he doesn't want to move.

[bethben]

We did.  We loved our community, had a great support system, and had a wheelchair accessible home for our son.  What we also had was 6+ months of winter, "polar vortexes", little sun for those winter months, an hour commute for dh, and cold so bad my kids couldn't play outside for weeks because of frostbite concerns on exposed skin.  So, we thought about moving to someplace different.  Then my husband lost his job and we thought we would have to move anyway to be closer to a job in a major city.  So, we picked something totally different for both of us.  We left our midwestern roots and are now living near mountains.  Yes, it still snows during the winter, but it's much milder and snow doesn't last very long.  Also, THE SUN!!!  We get sun 300 days a year.  It has made a huge difference in my mood during the winter.

 

Also, we do have family that we would love to be closer to, but due to a lot of small reasons and one huge reason, we just can't move near my family (or his) and not go bankrupt.  We had lived in our little town for 17 years and thought we would live there forever.

Edited April 1, 2016 by bethben

[Dmmetler]

Yes, and in fact are considering it now-mostly to get a different set of educational options for DD,but also just because it would be nice to really shake things up a bit. 

[ErinE]

Also, the West Coast is ridiculously expensive. We've looked at job offers north and south on the West Coast and they never come close to the standard of living you can get in the South.

[lllll]

It would depend on the circumstances.  In your case, I would probably begin the process and see where it went.  If things went well, I'd probably move.  If not, I'd wait a while and think about it some more.

 

I found it easier to move when dc were young.  Not necessarily the physical part, but the mental part.  So if you're planning to move, I might do it before they begin the college process.  Also, look at states and their colleges.  Costs can vary greatly.

 

And good luck!  :)

[Sarah CB]

I'm a big fan of moving.  We've had four significant moves since being together and they have each brought their share of challenge, adventure, and joy.  We were in our last city for 11 years and even though everything was as perfect as it could get, we both felt stagnant.  This particular move has been the most challenging, but also very rewarding.  You only live once.

[goldberry]

We moved because my whole life I hated Texas and wanted to live in Colorado.  No other reason than that!  We did time it to have the least effect on DD though. She was 5 when we moved.  

 

We have never regretted it and never looked back.

[EmilyGF]

We've lived a lot of places. New England, east-coast-not-New-England, surfer city on Pacific (could see the ocean from our condo complex), different surfer city on Pacific, and midwest. We've lived in suburbs, a big city, a mid-size town, etc.

 

In some places, I really felt like I didn't belong. In other places, the way to live was just different that I was used to and it took me a while to adjust.

 

Where I live now has amazingly wonderful things that make me love it more than any other place I've ever lived and amazingly horrible things that make me hate it more than anywhere I've ever lived. I never just like it. :-)

 

I think if you are generally happy, I would be nervous to move. You've got a lot of social connections, I hope, after 20+ years! If you feel like you don't have social connections, try something out. Read about the places on city data websites (and especially discussion-based neighborhood websites. Read the news website for the town. Visit churches (if you go to church).

 

If hubby had to change careers, we'd likely move to the general area I grew up in or the New England suburb we lived in. Those were our favorites. But just to shake things up? Not unless I had issues with the place.

 

Emily

[Random]

We have a nice house in a lovely area, but I'd move just for the sake of moving in a heartbeat.

 

I grew up moving every few years, all over the world.

 

I love new adventures.  I love moving.  I love the purge.  I love meeting new people and learning about new places.

 

If I were you, in your situation, I would plan a trip to the area.  You might find you no longer like it; you might find you do still like it.

[mamiof5]

I wouldn't. I like to stay put, and dread moving. That's just me :)

[Janeway]

I feel frustrated religiously here. I live in the Bible Belt but I am a religiously charged person. And I would like to be near a state university that I like. I would like trees that are taller. Sounds silly, but is real. And maybe a place with more steamed artichokes and less fried foods with ranch. Or perhaps a decent pizza?

[LucyStoner]

No, probably not.

 

1. I got rather moved out as a child.

 

2. Our older son is about to be 13 and the things he wants for schooling next are here.

 

3. We have a huge supportive community here.

 

4. My sons both have special needs and it's daunting to think of changing every single one of their HCPs.

 

If it were just me and my husband, maybe. With kids, nope. I hated moving as a child and wouldn't want to put my kids through the same unless it was critical to do so due to economics.

Edited April 2, 2016 by LucyStoner

[SquirrellyMama]

Yes, yes, yes! I would love to move every 3 to 4 years. I'd move to different states, different countries, and different continents.

 

Kelly

[SemiSweet]

Yep, I would, without much thought honestly. The only move that would give me pause would be international, but only for the logistics. I live for moving. I grew up military, was civilian for my first ten years as an adult then went active duty and married active duty. I LOVE moving. It drives me. I don't have any great desire to be near my family, even though we are very close, and I make my own community wherever I am. I have lived all over the country, and I certainly have my preferences, but there are few places I would adamantly not want to go. I'm a West coast gal that's lived in the south a few times and I definitely say you should go for it. :)

[Guest]

Yup!  I visited my current city for about 4 days while visiting friends.  Two weeks later, I rented an apt sight unseen, packed the car with DS (who was not quite two) and anything else I could fit in it and moved 1000 miles away from the place I had been for 25 years.

Just do it :)

[Tsuga]

I'm with Katie. As an adult, heck yeah. Let's pack up.

 

It was hard moving as a kid.

 

I would move for the following reasons:

 

1. Economics: can't save or earn enough in current spot.

2. Family: to get child care from family (grandma wants to help) or to provide elder care

3. Facilities: like if I had an SN kid who needed a specific type of service that was more available elsewhere, or if I or my partner were sick.

 

I love to travel and have seen large parts of the world as a young person, though. I had my day and I don't need that kind of adventure right now. My goal is stability and familiarity for the children. One school district, one neighborhood, one library. Familiarity, security, nice home base.

 

Plus we just bought a house. We could theoretically sell it and move anywhere at this point. But we want to settle down somewhere. That's my 2 cents. It's not a moral question, in my opinion, but one of preferences and needs. I hope your family gets to do what is right for you.

[elegantlion]

I've never felt tied to one area, so yes, I'd entertain moving. We have historically moved every 5 years, not always out of the area, but moved around. We're planning to move closer to school this summer, not a huge distance, but a new community. 

[flyingaway]

I love moving and the thought of 23 years in one place does not appeal to me. I enjoy making new connections with new people and getting to know the culture of a new community. I also like packing and purging. So yes, I would move just for a change.

[Joker]

We have and would again! Dh and I have moved a lot but did stay in one state for 10 years. We didn't think dds would want to move since they are now teens and in public school. We were wrong. We moved less than a year ago and they were totally on board. I don't see us moving again while they finish high school but could us doing so after. Dh works remotely as well so it makes it easy.

[RKWAcademy]

Yes!  I'm a mover in general.  I love the change.  Before getting married, I got the itch every few years or so (I'd owned 5 houses in four states before marrying DH at 29).  That said, since we had kids, we haven't moved (same house 10 years now).  And we likely won't.  I married a man from here with no desire to move away from here.  Another downside to my wanderlust is that I have no family where we are.  I'd love to be back near family.  I'm in the south right now.  I'd like to pop over to Colorado near my sister for about five years.  Then, I'd like to pop to Florida.  Maybe home to Texas - haven't looked back since I left at 18.  My stick-in-the-mud kiddos would never let any of that happen.  DH thinks I have a screw loose every time I mention how nice it would be to move to wherever (and I show him real estate listings). 

 

If your kids are game, go for it!

Edited April 2, 2016 by RKWAcademy

[Scarlett]

In my 30s yes. In my 50s with a 26 yo, no.

[The Girls' Mom]

I say go for it.  But I may be projecting.  I've moved 26 times in my life, and I'm trapped in my "forever" home now.  Except for one 9 year stretch, we moved about every 2 years for most of our marriage...I've been in this house for 3 and I'm getting itchy!

 

Maybe close up the house for a month or two and rent a vacation home somewhere?  Give it a trial run.  Or just do it if it is financially feasible.   

[mumto2]

We've moved quite a bit. I think I've lived in 10 houses since dh and I have been married. Also made a major move to a new country. In general I enjoy moving. I get this dissatisfied feeling....

 

That being said I think we have settled. Our whole family picked the last tiny move together. I love my location and the house. I will be honest this last move was possibly the hardest even though it was maybe 200 yards. Ds and Dh simply picked our furniture up and carried it. I was exhausted after for weeks.

 

From now on I plan to go on vacations and rent something for a month or so. Hopefully I can get my move fix that way.

[kewb]

No, no, no. I plant roots that grow deep and long. I do not like change. Before kids I might have been more adventurous of spirt.

 

That said, my ds is off to college in the fall and Dd will have 2 years of high school left. I want to stay in our house until they finish college and settle into their first jobs and living arrangements. Then we would like to move somewhere with a lower cost of living but stil near our children.

 

Even though I know this will be the right thing to do the thought of moving gives me great anxiety.

Edited April 2, 2016 by kewb

[creekland]

From now on I plan to go on vacations and rent something for a month or so. Hopefully I can get my move fix that way.

 

This is what we're doing now.  It's kind of working.  I'll admit there are times I'd prefer to move, but we're at the stage in our life now where we have roots that are difficult to break here since hubby owns his business and that's our main source of income.  He's done work worldwide, but the bulk is local.

 

He had another headhunter call yesterday, but it was for Cleveland.  With apologies to those who live in/near Cleveland and like it, that's not a tempting destination for us.  Had it been HI or USVI... a lot more thought would have had to go into saying "no."

[bettyandbob]

If I could move for better services for ds (special needs) I would. However dh work is here.

 

In your case, if your dh has the option of working remotely, maybe you want to consider extended visits to places for 4-6 months to get an idea if you'd like it. You could identify three distinct places put most of your stuff in storage and do short term rentals in each place. It would be a little adventure and you'd get a taste of each place. Then you could decide if you really want to move to one of those places.

[lynn]

We were fortunate to have moved several times over the years and have experienced different areas of the country and it was good for all of is. Yes I would move just for change. Not today but it was a fun adventure years back.

[DawnM]

We were looking at moving a few years ago but there have been some compelling reasons to stay for us, the biggest being the input from our teens who have begged us not to move them while they are still at home.  

 

Like you, we didn't need to move for any job situations, etc.....we just thought it was time and I have never liked it here in NC.  The people are nice, that isn't the issue, I am just a West Coast girl and miss it terribly.  

 

But we are staying put, largely because of the kids.  They love it here, it is home to them (we moved from the W Coast when the older two were 6 and 8, youngest was born but not ours yet.)

 

All that to say, I would talk to the kids.

[ashfern]

I'd take a couple of trips to where you're thinking of moving to and see if you like it. We're thinking of moving to NC in the next 1-2 years. We have vacationed there several times and will go to a few new places to see where we want to settle down. My husband works remotely so we can move anywhere. Our current area has 8 new subdivisions going in (2 mile radius) and no plans for road expansion. Our traffic is pretty bad right now and will only get worse.

[City Mouse]

Yes, we did it. There are things I miss about where we used to live, but there are things I would not want to give up where I live now.

[Bambam]

I moved a lot as a child and mostly enjoyed it. Mom said we would find new friends and good people anywhere we went. She was right.

 

However, we last moved when my oldest was 13. IMO, it is harder for teens to break into an established group than younger kids. So, think about that with your oldest.

 

Memories are tricky things. You may not be remembering things accurately. Things will not be the same (except the weather!) if you go back. Cultures/vibes can change in an area with lots of people moving in/out. I've visited relative who live where I went to high school. The area is much different now. I wouldn't want to live there anymore.

 

Are you moving simply for the climate? The culture? close to relatives? 

 

Unless the company is willing to pay moving costs, moving will be expensive. Closing costs on two sets of houses (remember the commission to the real estate agents). 

 

I'd suggest what others suggested and take a long vacation in the location you think you would like to move. I suggested several months if at all possible.

 

I'd also make a list of pros/cons and see if it is worth it.

[BooksandBoys]

I wouldn't, but I've had 8 addresses in the 13 years since I finished college, 3 of those involved moves of 600-1200 miles, and I am staring down the barrel of another cross country move in a few months. I've been desperate to stop moving for 7 years, but we just keep going.

 

If I'd never really moved, I suppose I'd have a different perspective.

[HeWillSoar]

I think it depends on what you'd be leaving.  Do you have a support system where you are?  Friends who are like family?  If not, I'd go.  And what about the kids?  How would that be for them?  That would be something I'd consider in making that decision, personally.

[mumto2]

We rented in two different locations before buying. We had been prepared to move yearly until we found a location that felt like home in the UK. Obviously we were lucky and our second move was right. We just had to wait a few years for the right house to be for sale.

 

I highly recommend renting first if you are moving to a completely new area. The first location was nice. Actually on paper looks like a far better match but we love the people in our village so glad we moved. A friend kind of forced the move, set us up to rent from his bil....housing is hard to find in our village. Kept telling us we needed to..... A huge assortment of types and ages. Our stores deliver for free. ;) it's small. The first location was more of a huge housing development of professional people, lots of convenient shopping, restaurants, etc. But lacking in real neighbours.

[Janeway]

I think it depends on what you'd be leaving.  Do you have a support system where you are?  Friends who are like family?  If not, I'd go.  And what about the kids?  How would that be for them?  That would be something I'd consider in making that decision, personally.

Not really. My friends who are like family are back in the midwest, and we won't be moving to the midwest. Our friends here feel superficial. For one, we have gay family members. I am shocked at the number of people who sit around talking about home schooling to protect their children from "the gay agenda" in the public schools. I even had to have an x-ray a few months ago and the technician was speaking openly about how he would never allow his kids to come home again if they were gay. I used to have friends who were like family in California, but, we have lost contact. That was before FB and all. I would probably just go for California, but the taxes and such bother me. There might be restrictive vaccination laws there too.

[wintermom]

I got the urge to move a couple years ago, and dh had the perfect opportunity with his job. We ended up not going for many reasons but the biggest were; family and great friends are here, more job and educational opportunities here for our whole family, the dc definitely did not want to move. As much as I'm getting tired of the long, cold winter, and it would be nice to live in another part of the country, there is so much here for us that would be very difficult to find in another area. 

[MistyMountain]

I would jump at the opportunity to move but there are several reasons I want to move. I no longer have a support system where we are because of friends moving, being busy or growing apart. We are really far from family here and so we rarely get to see people who do love my kids and would be a bigger part of their lives. The cost of living is high and there are more opportunities elsewhere. The economy will probably take a hit here for a while. The one good thing is that though it is a cold climate with long winters now with climate change in 100 years it will be much better and some really nice places now will be really hot. That could be a reason to set roots here if the kids stay in the area and raise families but that may not happen anyway.

[redsquirrel]

The physical act of moving sucks so bad that, no, I would not.  BUT... I like where I live. I grew up in the NE and I am happy here.  If I was in an area where the climate didn't agree with me, or the general 'scene' then, I would absolutely move somewhere else.

 

Maybe take a trip, read the local paper online, listen to the local radio stations on your laptop etc.  Get an idea of what a place is like.

 

But, if you don't match, if you have been living there so long but it doesn't feel like home, then I would seriously consider it.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Sure why not.  Although I agree moving is not so fun!

 

 

[Eliz]

My 18 yo and I would move in a heartbeat, but my 15 yo needs stability.  It's very, very important to her.  So, for me now, I would not move out of our area without a compelling reason.  We will have to move to a different apartment complex either this year or next to try to reduce our expenses.  Even that type of move is stressful for my 15 yo.  

[Garga]

You currently don't live near any extended family, right? If so, you would want to consider the ramifications of leaving family (but it sounds like that's not the case for you.)

 

I don't think you've answered yet about what the children think. You said the friendships you have are superficial--what about the kids' friendships? My sons have had their friends since birth (well, since 1 year old for my oldest.). It would absolutely devastate them to leave their friends. It would be a big deal. A very big deal. It would be a deal breaker for me if I was wanting to move for my own reasons. I wouldn't make my kids lose all of their friends in one blow like that.

 

But if your kids don't care and you and your dh aren't happy and you won't be leaving family in the lurch then I don't see anything stopping you. And even leaving family can be ok, if you have the right kind of family who doesn't mind. I was hurt beyond measure when my parents decided to move on a whim. It left me reeling for years, but I have friends whose family has moved and they're perfectly fine with it. And I know I couldn't make my parents stay and it would have been selfish of me to ask them to stay (so I only asked once, but they'd already bought the house without telling me ahead of time), but if you love the people you're near, you'd want to consider whether you want to hurt them that much. But again, it sounds like there is not family near you, so that's not an issue you have to wade through.

 

Bottom line: if moving won't hurt the people around you (your children or other family members), then I see absolutely no reason not to go. As others have said, see if you can visit the areas first before moving and then consider renting in the area before buying.

Edited April 2, 2016 by Garga

[Janeway]

You currently don't live near any extended family, right? If so, you would want to consider the ramifications of leaving family (but it sounds like that's not the case for you.)

 

I don't think you've answered yet about what the children think. You said the friendships you have are superficial--what about the kids' friendships? My sons have had their friends since birth (well, since 1 year old for my oldest.). It would absolutely devastate them to leave their friends. It would be a big deal. A very big deal. It would be a deal breaker for me if I was wanting to move for my own reasons. I wouldn't make my kids lose all of their friends in one blow like that.

 

But if your kids don't care and you and your dh aren't happy and you won't be leaving family in the lurch then I don't see anything stopping you. And even leaving family can be ok, if you have the right kind of family who doesn't mind. I was hurt beyond measure when my parents decided to move on a whim. It left me reeling for years, but I have friends whose family has moved and they're perfectly fine with it. And I know I couldn't make my parents stay and it would have been selfish of me to ask them to stay (so I only asked once, but they'd already bought the house without telling me ahead of time), but if you love the people you're near, you'd want to consider whether you want to hurt them that much. But again, it sounds like there is not family near you, so that's not an issue you have to wade through.

 

Bottom line: if moving won't hurt the people around you (your children or other family members), then I see absolutely no reason not to go. As others have said, see if you can visit the areas first before moving and then consider renting in the area before buying.

Extended family still lives in the midwest. Not interested in going to exactly where they are, as it is more of rural area. But did put Indianapolis on the list. We did have Minneapolis on the list too, but, did visit there last year and said never mind. When we go back to visit family, we stay in the rural areas they live in. 

 

I did ask the kids after reading everyone's posts and the kids said sure, it would be fun to try. They do not really feel connected to anyone either. The one feels connected to his dance studio and the teacher there, but rumors have it that the teacher is going to retire and move to Colorado. We have Colorado on the list of possible places too.

[HeWillSoar]

Then I say go. It doesn't sound like there is really much to lose.