Janie Grace Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 A poster on the "am I too old to have a baby?" thread mentioned how much work kids are when they get big. I wondered if others felt the same. What do YOU consider the absolute hardest, most-work years? I realize there is physical labor vs. emotional/mental labor, but try to answer by just throwing it all on the same scale and giving a general "this age really took it out of me" answer. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I found the under 5 time completely draining physically and emotionally. However, the teen years can be great and peaceful but when something happens your head has to be completely in the game, you have far, far less control, the stakes are bigger and it can be tough on a whole different level . 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I cannot remember :-/ I can say that having foster kids has made a whole new definition on work 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hellen Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I voted 2-4 but I don't have teenagers yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I found the under 5 time completely draining physically and emotionally. However, the teen years can be great and peaceful but when something happens your head has to be completely in the game, you have far, far less control, the stakes are bigger and it can be tough on a whole different level . I would echo this and add: I'm no great lover of babies. Of course I was loving towards my own babies, but I like kids so much more once they generally make sense. :D One of my kids....ho boy! It took us four years until this kid made some level of sense. I don't really do so well with that and tiny sweaters and a cute nursery don't really compensate adequately. But yeah - big kid problems are a level of gut-wrenching (potentially) that make baby crying jags seem like a dreamy walk in the park. I can't say I would really enjoy fielding the teen issues while I also had a baby who would not be agreeable about going to sleep. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 (edited) I answered 11-13, with the caveat that my eldest is 13, but is finally starting to act human again. 10ish-12/13 has been mentally and emotionally exhausting with a neurotypical, physically healthy girl. My DS just turned 10 and I'm starting to see glimpses of the emotion roller coaster starting again. Edited February 17, 2016 by fraidycat 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Depends so much on the individual kids. My second dd was a screaming wailing never sleeper. I was a total mess for months. But my oldest was a easy baby and absolutely draining from 10-16.5.\ How3ever, in general, I find that the physical exhaustion of toddlerhood and infancy easier to deal with than the emotional drainage of the teen years. They totally suck me dry, the stakes are enormous, and you never know how its going to turn out. Those years are both exhilarating and exhausting. Ironically, I'd say I enjoy the teen years more. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I think there are easy and difficult aspects of every age. I'm crazy about them all from newborn to adult. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 They're all work! Just shifts between harder physically to harder mentally. My young adults don't need as great a quantity of my energy, but they need the quality of it in a different way (not that younger ones don't; it's just different). 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abba12 Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 (edited) I voted 2-4 because, for me personally, I am quite ok with emotionally intense situations, I thrive in that kind of thing. It's the physical work I struggle with more. I love kids and I love my children, but I hate babies and 2-3 year olds lol. (one year olds, however, are gorgeous) Edited February 17, 2016 by abba12 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Under five. I have survived getting three launched and have one left to go. I have never had to work as hard with the older kids as I did before they were school age. Gross, Biologically disgusting, physical labor. Blech!!!!!! Give me kids and teens any day! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I chose 1st year, but I really meant the first 2 years. There wasn't an option for that. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I don't know about work, but I think DD is more emotionally exhausting at 11 than she was at any time prior. Less physically exhausting, but I want off this pre-teen girl emotional roller coaster! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 the teen years...when something happens your head has to be completely in the game, you have far, far less control, the stakes are bigger and it can be tough on a whole different level . So true! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 As a single mom, I get more time off of my feet / off high alert the older my kids get. I was thoroughly exhausted in the first 3 months I had custody, when my kids were around 1yo. I never ever stopped. And when the youngest was walking and kept falling on her face. And then when they were potty training. And spilling everything at the table. Around their 2nd birthday, I stopped being on "high alert" all the time. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I voted 2 to 4. I'm sure it does vary with individual children (and the parent's personality), but I've found parenting teens to be much easier than dealing with little kids. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athomeontheprairie Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I cannot remember :-/ I can say that having foster kids has made a whole new definition on work I just want to say, that I am so so thankful that there are caring foster parents out there. even though it is so much work, thank you for what you were doing for those kids. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I was surprised at how many people said the tween/teen years. I absolutely love having teens. Except for the inevitable 'taxi' service I provide, I think this is a great time. They've developed a work-ethic. They are competent to complete assignments without a lot of cajoling, they understand how to function in most social situations, they don't need reminders about manners or conduct, and they are able to attend to their own hygiene and maintenance. They are witty and energetic and fun to have around. I found 2-4 the exhausting age. They are too little to help in a 'helpful' manner. We taught our children chores from an early age and they did gain competency but 2-4 was such a 'learning/teaching' time that it wasn't overly helpful in actually accomplishing much. They couldn't meet many of their own needs and they were mobile and adroit enough to require constant monitoring. I'm getting tired just thinking about it. :crying: 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I can't answer because I found that there was about the same amount of work at different stages...but generally it was physical exhaustion when they were little, mental exhaustion when they were middle and emotional exhaustion in the mid-to-later teens. I had my only at 38 and my godmother had hers much younger (our boys were the same age). She adopted at age 40, and says two things to me now: 1)it is VERY DIFFERENT to have kids at a different age, and 2) having an only is a LOT OF WORK. Her adopted son is not technically an only but there is at least 10 years between him and his youngest (elder) brother, so effectively, he IS an only. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daria Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I was looking for 1, and didn't find it. My kid has been his hardest from 0 - 1, and again from 14 - 16, but that's because that's when health issues flared. He's a really easy going kid, so ages that are often hard for other people, like 2 were pretty easy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 (edited) First year. No question about that for me. No sleep = complete exhaustion. Breastfeeding= always being on call Unconsolable screaming for hours every night for weeks when you try everything and absolutely nothing makes a difference... that sucked. Being with baby 24/7, never getting a break, no stimulating adult conversations, no work. I love my children, but the baby years were draining. 2-4 exhausting, but you sometimes get a break, and you can talk with the kids (as opposed to them) and do things together. 5 and up was fairly easy. Preteen and teen are wonderful. Having a 2 y/o and a newborn and being by myself all week = way, way harder than just a single newborn. Edited February 17, 2016 by regentrude 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Well, the baby/toddler years were exhausting for me, but I had 3 under 3.5 years old and zero help. However, the teen years have been a different kind of exhausting. They have been super busy and mentally draining. Age 8 is good. Yeah. Eight is my favorite. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 (edited) Work, or difficult? 1 - 3 was a ton of work, but <1 was hardest because I was going insane from lack of sleep. I don't mind work. I do mind starving or not sleeping. I lost 8% of my bodyweight and slept an average of 4 hours per night for two years while I had my second. Years off my life and that is why I'll never do it again. Edited February 17, 2016 by Tsuga 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meriwether Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 1-2 This one is kicking my tail. I want all my 5 year olds back. Five is the perfect age. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I think it depends on what kind of teens you have. Puberty hormones are annoying universally, but some teens are basically good kids while others wind up in jail, rehab, the maternity ward, or the morgue. My mom would say that the first couple years were the worst but my siblings and I were basically good kids. I certainly pray that I'll feel the same way when I'm the empty-nester. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I was surprised at how many people said the tween/teen years. I absolutely love having teens. Except for the inevitable 'taxi' service I provide, I think this is a great time. They've developed a work-ethic. They are competent to complete assignments without a lot of cajoling, they understand how to function in most social situations, they don't need reminders about manners or conduct, and they are able to attend to their own hygiene and maintenance. They are witty and energetic and fun to have around. What? I need teens like that. That's the frustration of the teen years for me "Why do I have to tell her this? She's ___ years old!!!" I love them but MAN the learning curve is steep. It is nice that they can wash their own hair. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 What? I need teens like that. That's the frustration of the teen years for me "Why do I have to tell her this? She's ___ years old!!!" I love them but MAN the learning curve is steep. It is nice that they can wash their own hair. Me too! lol. My girls are good kids. But they are also wearing me out. (please tell me I'm not the only one that has to remind her 19 year old to brush her teeth?!) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 The physically intensive parenting of 2-4 years old is very challenging for me. It's been easier as the kids are older in that respect. But they're getting more mentally challenging as I navigate the relationships and moral/ethical waters. I imagine that will get progressively more difficult until they're fully adult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Can I vote ...the first year I have them? Since we foster and adoptive, I might say the first year each child is new to the family is the hardest. Right now our 12 year old that has been with us for 14 months is easier than the 15 year old that just came Friday night. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kristie in Florida Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I've taught in a preschool and in a middle school. There isn't much difference. My two kids are completely different and each stage has their own work and challenges. My oldest is only 12 though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Well, the baby/toddler years were exhausting for me, but I had 3 under 3.5 years old and zero help. However, the teen years have been a different kind of exhausting. They have been super busy and mentally draining. Age 8 is good. Yeah. Eight is my favorite. My eight year old has been my favorite so far! Still sweet but not moody or drama. A competent little kid :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Well, my oldest is just 10.5, but I enjoy them all more the older they get. Well, one is my least favorite year, so I like them better before and after that. I mean, it's one of the cutest ages, but it's so physically demanding and draining. They're mobile enough and dumb enough to be such a danger to themselves at age one. I do not do well with lack of sleep, and I don't sleep for the first couple of years. Not that I want my kids to grow up too fast, and I definitely savor the baby cuddles, but I'll be so glad to not have a baby/toddler. Anyway, I didn't vote, because for me so far, each time, the hardest has been up to age two. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imagine.more Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Can I vote ...the first year I have them? Since we foster and adoptive, I might say the first year each child is new to the family is the hardest. Right now our 12 year old that has been with us for 14 months is easier than the 15 year old that just came Friday night. I can so relate to this. 2.5 years into adoption and things are way better but that first year was as exhausting as having a newborn! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsWeasley Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I would say from 1-3, but really, personality plays a bigger role than age. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaeFlowers Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I voted 2-4 but I don't have teenagers yet. Dd is doing me in. She is so emotional and loud and opinionated and busy. And did I mention talkative? Ds has always been relatively easy because he is so quiet and easy going but 2-3 was still my hardest time with him, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 What? I need teens like that. That's the frustration of the teen years for me "Why do I have to tell her this? She's ___ years old!!!" I love them but MAN the learning curve is steep. It is nice that they can wash their own hair. I think you and I have the same kind of teens. That said, I vote the hardest is the first year. when your nipples hurt, you can't set them down without them crying, and you never ever sleep. 18 months is my other hard time...when they are big enough to get into everything but not old enough to understand that they shouldn't. By 2 years old they are somewhat able to understand me and therefore easier, even though they are crazy pants. Teens are frustrating, but I can still sleep. And by then they can help out. Even if it is only small stuff like bringing in the groceries or whatever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I really didn't expect how much energy they take as they become adults. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenneinCA Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I think it depends on the child. I have a particular child that was the hardest at every age. Child was the hardest as a newborn and hardest as a two year old and hardest as a six year old and hardest as a ten year old and so on. The other two do not compare. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hellen Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 (edited) I think it depends on the child. I have a particular child that was the hardest at every age. Child was the hardest as a newborn and hardest as a two year old and hardest as a six year old and hardest as a ten year old and so on. The other two do not compare. I was just thinking this about one of mine. When others were talking about how great 8 is, I was thinking they would reconsider fast if they had my 8 year old. This might actually be the toughest year after her horrible time as a one year old. Like you, even my easiest year with her was harder than my hardest year with the others. Edited February 17, 2016 by hellen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 (edited) I think it depends on the child. I have a particular child that was the hardest at every age. Child was the hardest as a newborn and hardest as a two year old and hardest as a six year old and hardest as a ten year old and so on. The other two do not compare.That's what I wonder. I have a kid who is a real challenge and another who is shaping up to be. They're more difficult at every stage than their siblings. And maybe I'm lucky but I've had five great babies - we sleep pretty well. Nursing was only rough with one of them (the others I figured out their latch issues much faster). It's not my favorite stage but it's still pretty easy to roll with. Three and four year olds take SO much energy. But some kids in particular have been much more difficult. The easy kids are fairly pleasant even during the more intense stages. The tough kids have made even pleasant ages surprisingly stressful. But overall they're still fairly easy keepers, just veeeery different. I've had to let go of a lot of my preferences with the tough kids and just focus on the basics. Edited February 17, 2016 by Arctic Mama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 A baby is a lot of work, but IMO, the "Keep that damn kid alive" phase of toddlerhood was the most exhausting. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 My oldest is 11.5. My answer as of now would be 0-2- sleep deprivation is officially classified as torture. My kids have gotten easier as they've gotten older, whether or not that continues, we will see. Generally I prefer working with older kids(former career was with tweens and teens in facility). My oldest is my generally laid back son, I don't think he'll be much issue, I worry about my oldest daughter- she is a good kid but so much like me- she feels everything very deeply. I was however a pretty easy teen so I hope that holds true for her. Who knows about the next 2. I'm doing my best trying to build relationships and let the rest go. I'm not perfect, I make mistakes,just doing the best I can. Most of the time I'm the best mom in the world (to them) but some days, well some days I don't make them all that happy, some time that is deserved and sometimes it is just kids being kids. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Oldest here is 24. Youngest is 4. My answer varies by kid, so I couldn't vote. Eldest - hardest, most exhausting were the late teens. Health issues arose. Those complicated life. Middle - first year was intense GERD, colic, allergies. Hours of endless agony. And he's an intense kid - the intensity didn't really didn't let up till he hit 9 or so. Youngest, I'd say the 1 - 3 years. Just the usual toddler stuff, juggled with life. She's NT, and a walk in the park, really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsWeasley Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I will qualify: I have never had a toddler who slept through the night. Generally, at three, they are proficient enough at undressing to use the potty groggily during the night by themselves and I have taught them enough strategies to put themselves back to sleep. I still get up with my two year old 1-3 times a night. I still feel exhausted: at least as babies I don't spend all day cajoling them to clean up all the messes they make or to stop destroying everything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abacus2 Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I think it probably depends on the kid and the parent's strengths and weaknesses. My oldest is twelve so I don't have teenagers. However, I am physically a weakling and emotionally strong, so I doubt I will change my mind with teenagers, but under 5s are so much work. I voted the first year of life because of the sleep deprivation, but really under 5 is extremely hard. I think a lot of the people who say teenagers are harder have just forgotten how difficult the baby/toddler years really are. Basic things like showering, using the restroom, sleeping and eating can be nearly impossible. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sdel Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Hands down the worst so far has been the teens. I came into three teen step kids, and they were no picnic because all three suffer from some kind of severe mental illness. My DD at 8, even with her ADHD, and GS at 2 have been a breeze compared to the now adult step kids. Mental illness is so prone to coming out during the teen years that I'm sure I missed some great younger kids. Stefanie 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmyboys Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I think the sleep deprivation of the first year is the hardest for me (so far-oldest is 9). But, I agree with some of the pp, it depends on the child. One of mine has been harder at every stage then the others. His easiest stage was much harder then any of the others' hardest stages. He is a lovely child though 😄. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I absolutely loved the baby and toddler years! The easiest years for me are different for each child. One has been the most difficult as a teen due to mental health issues. I'm drained in every way possible. My other is the easiest teen ever but was very difficult as a baby and toddler. I felt the good still outweighed the bad with the baby/toddler issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I voted first year. I can handle anything but sleep deprivation. I'm just a terrible person when I'm not allowed to sleep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
December Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 You are missing 12-24 months! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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