Anyone else whose husband supports hs but does nothing to help?

[journey00]

My hubby brags to others about homeschooling and completely supports me in every way.   But, he has absolutely nothing to do with it.  He doesn't help teach anything, nor does he want to talk about

any of the curriculum.  He completely trusts me & does not question me at all  nor does he limit my budget which is a blessing but sometimes I wish he would ask me how the kids are doing, what we use, or just make any input.  Once in a while, I will ask him "Do the kids seem like they're doing ok school-wise?"  to which he gives a resounding "YES!".  He goes to work very early & gets home after dark so I know he's "spent" and ready to rest.  BTW: He's a great dad, ya'll.  He plays with them & spends time with them.  

[HomeAgain]

I don't go to work for my husband, he doesn't go to work for me.  Support? Yes.  Enjoy conversing about our days? Yes.  But we each have full day jobs - and if it's ludicrous for me to go sit in his office I don't think it's unreasonable for him to stay out of mine.  I don't want to hear about schematics, he doesn't want to hear about spiral vs. mastery, but light conversation about things we've done - cool.  He doesn't ask me how school is going or what we are using.  I volunteer that information.

 

 

 

[dirty ethel rackham]

I would say that this is very typical of homeschooling families.  Dh was very suppotive, but didn't really do much with homeschooling, even during the seasons where he was home before dinner and had more time.  I had to turn to homeschooling friends to talk shop.  I did have to sit dh down once and tell him that I needed him to at least pretend to be interested in what I do.  Just like he would talk about work, I wanted to talk about work, too.  Otherwise, the discussions would be very one-sided. 

[ThursdayNext]

I think that's normal. My husband doesn't brag, and we do have a very limited budget, but otherwise alike.

 

It reminds me of my husband wanting to talk programming and web design with me. It's his job, not mine. I like him, and am interested in him, but talking about the details of his work is not my thing.

I get that your kids are more important, but the education part is not his thing. When a friend of mine and I would get together to talk, her husband called it "talking shop". Really we were getting together to talk about our (SAHM and child education) jobs, although I hadn't thought about it that way.

[Barb_]

Yeah, and that's the way I like it :)

[athomeontheprairie]

Dh is supportive and not involved.

 

I know a mom whose husband picks up the curriculum , and then she has problems implementing it. My husband has such a different teaching and learning style from me that if he were to want specific curriculum, it would likely be a disaster. not because of the curriculum but because I wouldn't be able to implement it well.

in the beginning of the school year we talk about where the kids are, what we want to cover in the coming year. then I go research the curriculum and I want that will meet both of our goals and tell him how much money we need to budget. he is very supportive, and trusts me completely for education. occasionally he will notice a deficit, and we will discuss, as a team, how to address it.

 

my husband also has strengths that are very different from my own, so when it is time for the kids to learn those skills we make a point of scheduling time for him to do those lessons on the weekends- but this is very rare

[MomatHWTK]

Well, I was thinking "no" because I consider my DH a great help. But, then I thought about the actual question. ...

 

I have to teach the curricula, so I choose it.  I mention costs or complain that something didn't work out from time to time, but DH doesn't really do anything but commiserate with me. 

 

DH will ask the children if they are finished with their independent checklists.  He does talk to them about science and tech stuff, but he doesn't "teach" in the sense that he works through a scheduled assignment with them.  I'm teaching 4 students at 4 different levels with 4 different learning styles, he wouldn't know where to start and would probably mess up our system. I'm teaching a high school student Algebra and Biology, the content is way more sophisticated than DH or I had in high school (a million years ago).  I asked him to give me an assist yesterday on an Algebra question and ended up with two students instead of one. ;)

 

My DH is fabulous, but he has a really hard job plus he helps me around the house and has a good relationship with his children.  I don't need him to do the schoolwork too.   :001_smile:

 

 

ETA:  DH's job has taken its toll on his health, so if and when he does start teaching it will be because I'm the one out of the house working full time.  We are both thankful that we have the option not to switch places yet.  

[Alice]

My dh is somewhat the same even though he stays home and teaches part of two days a week. I think from his perspective he trusts me and figures why would he ask me about curriculum. He knows I've researched and spend lots of time thinking about it and he trusts that I've made good decisions. 

 

I have learned that he is willing to talk about it if I very clearly state that I need to. So "Hey, I need to bounce some ideas off someone about Math choices, can you listen and give me some input?" works better than "Do you think the kids are doing fine in Math?" I have to very explicit and tell him that I need to talk about it, otherwise he just assumes it's all good. 

 

I think it's also personality. I tend to be a verbal processor and more of a worrier. Dh is more of a "don't fix it if it isn't broken". Every time I stress about schooling he tells me they are fine, thriving, learning. That is comforting but sometimes I do need to process my worries. I've learned I just need to tell him that is what I need rather than wait for him to ask. 

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Agreeing with Barb -- this is how I prefer it.

 

Supporting us by bringing home the bacon and being willing to live on one income, being willing to live in a not-so-perfect house, being willing to listen to endless conversation about homeschooling, being a good dad who is involved/motivating/encouraging/loving -- this is enough. The academics are my domain.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Oh, and that part where he sees the Amazon bill come through on a very, very regular basis, and says not a mumbling word...if that's not support, I don't know what is. LOL

 

He did call me out on it this week. I'd finally ordered Deconstructing Penguins. He was paying the bills and saw that, and bothered to come ask me why I needed a book on penguin anatomy or taxidermy or whatever in the world that was.

 

I said, "It's for school. It's about literary analysis."

 

He said, "Oh. OK."

 

So now I know I can buy anything if I'm prepared to tell him it's for school. I already suspected as much, but now I have proof.

[clementine]

My dh is very supportive of our hsing, but very clueless too.   :lol:   He wouldn't want to be more involved, but he is so happy that we've chosen this route.  

 

He is the sole income earner, and I'm sure would lend a hand if needed, but I'm happy being in control of the schooling.  

[SparklyUnicorn]

Pretty much yep.  He now does science labs with the older kid.  That's it.  I hate doing labs. 

[The Girls' Mom]

Mine has nothing to do with it, and I like it that way.  So do the kids..lol. 

[Ellie]

Yup. I don't know how it could be any other way (or why it should be). Mr. Ellie leaves the house every day for his job, the one that supports us so that I can stay home. He lets me use him as a sounding board, and never complains when supper isn't ready because the dc and I were out on a field trip. He willingly involved himself on weekends with all our activities--which became his activities, too, of course--and spent vacations being the Band Dad or Highland Dancer Dad. He happily parented while I went to Moms' Night Out (or took clogging classes, or Scottish Country Dance classes, or Bible study).

 

Did he teach math or English? No. I didn't need him to do that. Did he choose teaching materials? No. I didn't need him to do that. Did he ask how the dc were doing? Of course. That's a father thing. :-)

[foxbridgeacademy]

Pretty much the same here.  He made some noises early in the school year about helping out which was both sweet and terrifying at the same time.  Thankfully it hasn't happened, he works too much and really he'd just mess things up(totally different teaching style to DS's learning style).  He doesn't care what I buy but I am on a self imposed budget and I have to be careful what I wish for out loud or he might buy it for me when really we can't afford whatever it is.  He does listen, but has no concept of the issues so isn't that great of a sounding board, that's what my sister is for.

[73349]

He's not really any more interested in second-grade curricula than he is the ingredients in the laundry detergent--but that's okay, as I don't need to discuss what kind of oil he puts in the car or why he chooses the anti-virus software he  does.

 

As long as things are going fine, we just take care of our own areas of expertise.

[Farrar]

Dh will sit with one of the boys while they're working sometimes. He joins us for poetry tea occasionally because he's home during the day. He likes to have the kids show off work to him when it's special. He occasionally likes to teach them something that he's an expert on - like this year he's been working with them on a unit about elections, which he is pretty expert on. 

 

But mostly he's not involved. He finds their math very confusing. He has no idea what curricula choices I'm making beyond what I tell him. 99% of his support is emotional and financial, not hands on in schooling. He's a hands on parent, but he's not the educator.

 

I agree with others that that's typical. I won't say "that's the way I like it" because I could potentially go either way. I do know families where the schooling is more shared.

[Miss Mousie]

I honestly don't know what I'd do if he DID want to be directly or even heavily involved!

 

He agreed that I could homeschool.  He knows I spent *years* researching and agonizing before I even broached the subject with him.  He knows I spend many, many hours researching all sorts of things.  He has no interest in that.  He doesn't know about levels or appropriate expectations or learning styles or any of that. 

 

DS and I, for the most part, have our rhythm worked out.  If DH wanted to muck around with it, DS and I *both* would be a little upset, or at least thrown off balance.

 

He's happy to join in a discussion about a story, or appreciate DS's project [ETA: he even recently submitted his OWN project], or make sure there's a pen moving across a notebook when DS is supposed to doing independent work and DH is around but I am not.  That's plenty involved for me, and DH would recoil in horror if I ever asked him to cover math for a day!

 

I do report to DH on a daily basis - just the highlights/lowlights - so he at least knows we are doing stuff (or about to strangle each other, LOL).  And he listens to me both when I'm patting myself on the back and when I'm panicking.

 

IMO, it works out beautifully this way.  :)

[Btervet]

We are just starting out, but DH only does things I ask him to do, and is otherwise uninvolved. He's a naval architect so anything related to his expertise I ask him to do. Making model ships, learning about buoyancy, experiments in air resistance or drag, circular motion relating to propellers etc. So he usually does a science experiment or history project 1–2x a month. He also took a few university classes in heiroglyphs, so all of the ancient language translations/projects are sent his way. These are normally just fun things for him to do with DS on the weekend.

 

In terms of curriculum shopping, book reading, or skill building work, he stays out of it.

[Miss Tick]

I get the supportive head-nod. And he makes eye contact when I am delivering a monologue about homeschooling stuff. It's all good.

[kbutton]

My husband pitches in when he can. He has an atypical schedule, and sometimes if we want to do things on a "traditional" day off, it means he has to help another time. I would like him to take more of an interest in some ways, but I am probably atypical--I feel this way about any job I do. When I worked FT, I expected him to take an interest then as well. I take the same level of interest in his job, and if I don't, it bothers him. I happened to be very good at my job, and I wanted to be able to talk about it with him. He happens to be good at his job and wants me to know what he does well. I also think that there are transcendent things about any job that can be discussed, like best practices in your field, etc., and it feels good to be able to compare notes on how we each feel about our areas of expertise. My parents did this when I was growing up, and they even talked about these things with my brother and I. I think that is how our respective values and work ethic are transmitted.

 

I do want him to have enough of an idea of what we're doing that we're in agreement that I'm taking the right approach (what subjects I put emphasis on, what subjects I see need outside help or remediation, how to balance school and necessary therapies, etc.). It's a lot to hold all of the reins for that without some kind of person I check in with. Maybe that part of things has to do with having special needs in the mix, but I suspect I would want the same feedback anyway. If I don't teach enough science and teach way too much grammar for what we think they need later in life, I'd like to fail together, not fail because we didn't share our respective thoughts and priorities so that I could correct course. 

[Rosie_0801]

I liked it when it was that way. Now my ex is trying to have dd court ordered to school. Ignoring us is better!

[abba12]

I'm surprised so many people want this dynamic. I don't mean that in a snarky way, different people do things differently, I'm just genuinely surprised at the personality differences. I couldn't imagine my husband being uninvolved,

 

I suppose it helps that he was homeschooled too. He is just as excited about homeschooling as I am. He sits down with me a few times a year when I start to panic about my schedule being wrong or a program not working, and talks it out happily. When I do my big once a year curriculum order he sits and looks through it with me before ordering, not because he doesn't trust me, but because he is fascinated by the resources that are available now that we didn't have, and excited about the opportunities our kids will have (he can't wait for them to be old enough for beach academy lol). I remember explaining spiral vs mastery to him and having a long discussion about which direction we should take. He teaches school one day a week while I work, and does all the hands on science stuff like lego simple machines and snap circuits. He doesn't ask about progress because I tell him frequently anyway. Or the kids show him something they did. 

 

Personally, I couldn't imagine not having him involved and interested about it. I'm very grateful. But, different strokes I guess. 

[Carla]

I know what you are feeling.  I have in the past asked if he would help provide accountability - like ask the boys what they did for school and look at their work after dinner or something.  Or even just ask me!  I felt like, "Hey!  They're your kids too, show some interest in their education!".  But... I don't show a whole lot of interest in the stuff HE'S teaching them - like how to use tools, build sheds or additions, fix cars and appliances, do physical labour around here...I appreciate that he does it - but I don't really want to hear all the details! So there you go. Ha!

 

In my lowest moments of lamenting how hard homeschooling is, he has on occasion suggested me going to work and he taking over the homeschooling.  My internal reaction to that clears up how I really feel.  No thanks, I'm happy being completely responsible and in control of our homeschool, thank you very much!!  Oh my goodness, I'd go crazy if he were doing the homeschooling - so glad he just supports me and doesn't micro-manage me like I would him! Haha!!!

 

But I do get your feelings about it.  I do.  I figure my hubby helps by teaching them a world of things I am useless at, and by not bugging me about and interfering with the things I am good at.  Incidentally, after reading your post again.. one of the things he is good at is "playing" with the children.  I am not good at playing with the boys - but my husband, like yours, is. ;)

[RKWAcademy]

Sounds about normal.  It can be isolating to go it alone, but it's not my husband's role.  He spends as much quality time as possible with our kids on the weekends.  He is my son's cub scout den leader.  He works very hard.  He is supportive of our schooling, and he is immensely proud of their accomplishments.  We each took a role, and my role is teacher.  I can't change my husband.  If my role bothers me, the only thing I can change is how/if we school.  Or my attitude.

[MomatHWTK]

I took the initial query to be about day to day operations, not grand scheme "are we going for college track" discussions. My DH is not oblivious to what I am doing with the children and certainly we don't go for years without discussing each child's needs and progress.  I just don't fill him in on the minutia.  

 

FWIW, DH and I do talk- just seldom about curricula.    ;)  

[Jean in Newcastle]

Dh wouldn't teach my classes if I were still teaching in the public school and I don't expect him to teach them at home.  As others have noted, my husband has a full time job (plus, actually) to allow me to stay home.  This doesn't mean that he isn't interested in the kids or doesn't interact with them - just that he isn't actively helping to homeschool.  

[Ellie]

 

 

Personally, I couldn't imagine not having him involved and interested about it. I'm very grateful. But, different strokes I guess. 

 

A father who doesn't teach math or science is not uninvolved or uninterested. There's way more to our children's education than that. What most of us are saying is that our husbands are, indeed, involved and interested; they are just doing different things than teaching A Subject.

[lllll]

nm

[MaryMak07]

We aren't officially schooling yet (preschooler and toddler) but I anticipate my husband will be supportive financially and emotionally but not too much on a practical level, at least not day to day. He will probably be a bit more involved than if they were in public school (like go to conventions) and I hope he will do some art (I have no artistic ability and he's an architect) but that's about it...

[2ndGenHomeschooler]

My DH sounds exactly like yours! We were both home schooled growing up and our first "serious" conversation when we were dating was about homeschooling. He brought it up out of the blue one night - "Oh, and by the way, my kids will be home schooled." :-)

 

When we first started out I expected him to be more involved in the day to day. I thought he would want to go to a curriculum fair or convention with me and help wade through our options - after all, homeschooling was an important factor for him in deciding to marry me! It turned out that he couldn't be any less interested in curriculum choices or research. For a while he tried to help teach sometimes. Usually he would try to help with math since I could only work with one child at a time. I'm so glad he stopped. He tends to explain things in a really confusing way, ignoring the method in the book that we'd spent the last week on, get frustrated and impatient when the child didn't get it, and the whole thing would end with a crying child and irritated daddy. He simply doesn't know how to teach in an age appropriate way.

 

He is incredibly supportive in every other way though. He encourages me to attend conventions and spend ridiculous amounts of time researching curriculums, methodology, and learning styles. He listens to me babble on about new things I've found or things I want to try without being impatient. He encourages me to buy the curriculum I want even if I think it's too expensive. He worked an extra overtime shift before our convention this year just so I'd have plenty of spending money.

 

This system works for us. I was disappointed the first few years that he didn't want to more involved in a hands on way but now I'm glad. I like being able to do things the way I want with his full support. :-)

[Hobbes]

My husband is very supportive and involved. But I basically do academics.

 

He asks the kids about what they are learning. He strongly affirms what we are doing, to me, to the kids, and to anyone else. He listens when I verbally work through curricula choices or concerns and he gives feedback (as I do when he talks about his work). He will do an academic project with them if I ask him to.

 

We decide together about things like moral and character training, households rules, family schedules, extracurricular commitments, etc.

 

I research and decide all curricula, daily homeschool routines, homeschool commitments, etc. I run big things by him a lot - I like not being on the hook for all the major decisions on my own!

 

He's an active parent in this lifestyle. So far, so good.

[rebcoola]

 I do most everything but the days hubby is home he will happily pitch in and help with whatever.  He also thinks more like my oldest DD so when she is not getting something I will often ask him to re-explain.   He doesn't choose curriculum he might suggest something we should study we chat about it the same way we chat about his job mostly.

[ByGrace3]

My dh is super involved. He helps with laundry and cleaning when he can, and is very involved with the kids-- playing outside, doing projects, fishing, kayaking, camping....but yeah other than doing Bible with us a few mornings a week, he doesn't teach any subjects, and honestly hates talking about curriculum. He considers homeschooling my thing and he supports it. More than supports it-- it was initially his idea. He is completely encouraging and loves that we do it....He is happy to be a sounding board if I need it and helps with any behavior or emotional problem one of the kids might be having. But no. He isn't involved in curriculum decision or day to day workings of schoolwork or teaching. He supports me where I need him to.

[SeaConquest]

My DH was actually the one who pushed me to homeschool. I was pretty reluctant at the start. But, he leaves the research, curricular choices, and actual implementation to me. I bounce ideas off of him now and again, but that's about it. He trusts my research and judgment. I do lasso him into practicing guitar and doing science labs with my oldest, though. :) 

[G5052]

When the oldest was graduating last May, DH seriously said that I should be the one handing over the diploma because it wasn't really his project. But the tradition at that group's ceremony is that Dad gives it, so we did it that way.

 

He's wanted to be involved in decision-making where there were big issues, particularly in high school. But that's it. I did all of the planning and their transcripts/pre-college stuff.

 

Worked for us!

 

 

[Garga]

Same here (as with the OP.)

 

There have been a couple of homeschooling things that DH has said he'd do, but at the end of the day he's so exhausted that he doesn't do them. That's why the kid never learned beyond the first lesson in their Latin book and it's why I'm now the parent spearheading the science fair project that I didn't really want to do. :)

 

However, we're trying again. DS10 wants to learn the guitar and DH is the only one in the house who can play the guitar and we can't afford lessons...so I'll be a bit more firm this time around about DH teaching DS the guitar. At least music lessons are just 1/2 hour a week, so I think DH will be able to keep up with it. I'll be the parent in charge of getting DS to practice, so I think this time it will work.

 

Otherwise, I think that if DH was too involved, I'd get irritated if I'm honest with myself. Now, if he'd like to play guidance counselor for getting these kids into college, I wouldn't mind in the least.

[deerforest]

nm

[Sarah0000]

We're only just starting out in preschool, but it seems like we're headed the same way too, which is fine. Since DH and DS like to build models together I do tell DH what DS is learning in math and science so he can touch on some of the concepts. Can't waste that hands on experience!

[texasmama]

This is our situation exactly.  It works well that way.  I will tell him what I plan to do with the kids just so he is aware.  (One year, I told him that they were taking Latin so if someone asked if the kids were taking a "foreign language" he would have an answer.)  But he has no desire to be involved, and he trusts my judgment completely.  I talk to him about school the way I might process our days if I had an outside the home job.  Once, last year, I conducted parent-teacher conferences with each kid, which was a valuable experience.  I was the teacher, and he was the parent.  I had written information on each subject and how they were doing in them.  :D

[J-rap]

I was really glad my husband mostly stayed out of it, because he's waaaay more picky than I am and a real perfectionist, so we probably would have been really frustrated trying to work together!  He did teach them American History though in high school, because that's a course he loved and he had some ideas he wanted to try, and that was fine with me.  Also, as they got older (middle school age and above) he would enjoy talking literature with them around the dinner table.  But, that was really it!

[Reefgazer]

My Dh and I have the same deal.  I'm perfectly OK with it because he really doesn't like to teach and I do.  We each contribute to the household functioning according to our specialties and talents.

[kalusignan]

My husband has been home with us off and on throughout the years because of medical issues, but when he's working full-time, he doesn't have much day-to-day involvement. He likes to hear about what they're doing and learning, and dd7 prefers to read her stories to daddy when he gets home.

 

When he was home, he was a HUGE help to me when he was able. I could run to the store quick, and he would continue where I left off in the math lesson. Things like that. He also took over our history lessons completely for about 6 months. He never questioned things, just helped where he could.

 

I'm the one who does all the research and chooses curriculum, and he trusts me. He's not really interested in hearing about all the options, just that they are learning and growing. We had a HUGE discussion when standardized test results came back. That was fun. Other than that, I let him know when I'm gonna be spending a considerable amount of money or switching curriculum mid-year....things like that.

[UmMusa]

My hubby brags to others about homeschooling and completely supports me in every way. But, he has absolutely nothing to do with it. He doesn't help teach anything, nor does he want to talk about

any of the curriculum. He completely trusts me & does not question me at all nor does he limit my budget which is a blessing but sometimes I wish he would ask me how the kids are doing, what we use, or just make any input. Once in a while, I will ask him "Do the kids seem like they're doing ok school-wise?" to which he gives a resounding "YES!". He goes to work very early & gets home after dark so I know he's "spent" and ready to rest. BTW: He's a great dad, ya'll. He plays with them & spends time with them.

Yep, sounds familiar!

[Sahamamama]

.

Edited April 16, 2016 by Sahamamama

[Sahamamama]

He did call me out on it this week. I'd finally ordered Deconstructing Penguins. He was paying the bills and saw that, and bothered to come ask me why I needed a book on penguin anatomy or taxidermy or whatever in the world that was.

 

I said, "It's for school. It's about literary analysis."

 

He said, "Oh. OK."

 

:lol: This would be my husband!

[lllll]

nm

[EKS]

My husband is like this.  For the most part it works out well.  

[pehp]

My husband is exactly like this! I appreciate the trust and freedom.  He has given input, once on a math curriculum (he's an engineer).  That's it! Otherwise I have free reign.  I admit that I kinda love it.  If he micromanaged our days/schooling I would be insane.  And I feel confident enough to make choices w/out his input most of the time. 

 

My husband's contribution to our homeschooling rests mostly in keeping a good support system for me, so that I can be healthy and sane.  I appreciate this SO MUCH!!!

[Bluegoat]

This is similar to my situation. I talk about things with Dh sometimes, but it is a bit like him telling me how his day went.  I am not uninterested, but I would not want to spend too long on it and half the time I don't know what it really means anyway.

 

I do sometimes ask him for insights or thoughts about a problem, especially with my middle dd whose personality is a lot like his.  And I'll ask what he thinks if I am considering something really expensive.

 

The only time I think I was a bit put out was when I asked him to take over dd10's math.  Dh is mathy, and I am not so much, and dd is a bit tricky with math.  He agreed, though I think he wasn't keen, but pretty much rarely got around to it.  We lost a lot of time and it would have been better if he had just said no - though maybe he felt like he couldn't.  I solved that problem by changing programs, though I know once we get to middle school he is going to have to teach math.  I think he'll be less busy then though.

 

Anyway - I think this is pretty normal.