SparklyUnicorn Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I'm wondering how common this is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalypso Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Not at all. Just answering this makes me feel fortunate. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Not at all! They are the most loving people I know. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 No. Even when I was motivated to not screw up and disappoint them, I wouldn't say I was ever afraid of them. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 No, mom was a softie and dad (divorced from my mom) was always busy trying to make up for not being there all the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pegs Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 No, but I was certainly afraid *for* my mum. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Yes, both, for different reasons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 A little. Neither of them was very loving most of the time and they had a tendency to blow up over unexpected things. They were slightly abusive/ neglectful, although neither of them would see it that way. Both of them have mental illness issues that kept them from being solid people. I don't think my siblings were afraid of my parents, I think I was the expendable one they could treat poorly to keep everything else going. My mother believed that the oldest sibling in any family was supposed to sacrifice for everyone, and mostly I played along and sacrificed. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Very much afraid of my dad. As a child (6, 7, 8?) I can remember leaving friend's homes if their fathers came home. I remember one friend looking at me weird when we got to her house (up the street from mine) after biking. I saw a man inside the door and as soon as I confirmed it was her dad I said I had to go and couldn't stay to play. My parents did up our basement to be a great hangout ( pool table, ping pong, great stereo). I never really had friends over. By teen years I didn't get physically punished as much, but my father had no trouble publicly embarrassing me. I could never predict what my transgression would be next. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 Very much afraid of my dad. As a child (6, 7, 8?) I can remember leaving friend's homes if their fathers came home. I remember one friend looking at me weird when we got to her house (up the street from mine) after biking. I saw a man inside the door and as soon as I confirmed it was her dad I said I had to go and couldn't stay to play. My parents did up our basement to be a great hangout ( pool table, ping pong, great stereo). I really had friends over. By teen years I didn't get physically punished as much, but my father had no trouble publicly embarrassing me. I could never predict what my transgression would be next. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 No. Not as a child. And never physically. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 My mother, yes. Still am! Lol. That woman is unstable. We are separated by 1,000 miles and it works well. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Not at all. I did have a healthy fear and respect of them. Much more than my kids do of me, which kind of irritates me. My kids say things to me I would never ever have said to my parents and I don't know why that is. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Nope. I was too much of a daredevil. Out of my elementary school cohort of 180, one came from a domestic violence home. Her dad beats her mom up so badly her mom was hospitalized a few times. Her dad ended up in jail for fraud. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 Not at all. I did have a healthy fear and respect of them. Much more than my kids do of me, which kind of irritates me. My kids say things to me I would never ever have said to my parents and I don't know why that is. Were you homeschooled? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 No. Frustrated by them and control issues and still don't have a decent relationship with my dad due to it and mental issues he has, but never afraid. There are very, very few people I'm afraid of. That might not be a good thing someday, but it's the way I am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Yes. My dad. And that's all I can say. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hkpiano Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Yes, of my Dad. I am the oldest of 4 girls and we all were afraid of him. He regrets a lot of things now, but he just naturally has an uptight, Type A personality. He can be harsh and not understanding or tolerant of views that differ from his own. He's an Evangelical pastor, by the way... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 :blink: No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Yes, I was afraid of my mother, verbally/emotionally. When I was little, her yelling was scary. (Funny, if I yell at my kids, they don't get scared...?) She is a master of guilt manipulation. Even now, her constant criticism really gets under my skin, though it helps when I remind myself that she's old and probably in an early alzheimers situation. I have to visualize the water rolling off the duck's back. (This is a timely reminder for me of the water/duck - we have an extended-family vacation coming up.) Eta, if you mean fear physically, no. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Were you homeschooled?No, I went to public school. Back in the 70's. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 No, I went to public school. Back in the 70's. I'm just theorizing that your relationship with your kids might be very different than the one you had with your own parents (referring back to what you said about them saying stuff to you you'd never say to your own parents). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I was afraid of disapointing my parents. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 my mother had an unpredictable explosive temper - I was afraid of her when younger. later she was on a rx that made her more of a zombie. my grandmother . . . . she was a nasty piece of work, and I felt I had to hide myself until I was ready to tell her where she could shove her opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 No. That doesn't mean I was comfortable or felt safe with both of them all the time either. I was pretty much expecting my dad to make another boneheaded decision and move us around recklessly. I knew they wouldn't hurt me though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Runningmom80 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Yes. Both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 A little. Neither of them was very loving most of the time and they had a tendency to blow up over unexpected things. They were slightly abusive/ neglectful, although neither of them would see it that way. Both of them have mental illness issues that kept them from being solid people. I don't think my siblings were afraid of my parents, I think I was the expendable one they could treat poorly to keep everything else going. My mother believed that the oldest sibling in any family was supposed to sacrifice for everyone, and mostly I played along and sacrificed. :grouphug: :grouphug: I can so relate. both of my parents were also mentally ill. I was the youngest - and "didn't cause trouble", so I could be ignored. Yes, I was afraid of my mother, verbally/emotionally. She is a master of guilt manipulation. :grouphug: sounds like my grandmother . . . . even after I stopped caring what she thought, I had to work to stop "caring what she thought". drove her nuts her guilt and threats stopped working on me . . . .she started sulking - and I didn't care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Never. :grouphug: to those who were. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 No never scared of them. Frustrated, no respect, still don't like my mother, but never afraid of her. I would be afraid of disappointing them, but I was afraid of disappointing anyone, I have always been a people pleaser (not that you would know it most of the time now lol) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 No, not in any way. They had all my respect and love. They were my most faithful friends (besides dh). I miss them everyday. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaVT Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Not afraid, but I didn't want to disappoint them. I was very fortunate to have loving, non-abusive parents. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 No, although as a kid my two best friends feared their dad (different families) Even as a kid I thought that was wrong and felt sorry for them. I remember overhearing the teachers at our preschool talking about the male friend. They were amazed that he NEVER cried when they spanked him. Since he also feared his dad, I wonder in hindsight if he was abused. I never saw anything. The female best friend seemed to know too much about sex for an under 9-year-old. (This was the 70's) She had a sister a few years older and she seemed have so much knowledge . As an adult I visited the area where I'd known the female best friend. Her dad was in jail was molesting her. He'd spent time in jail for molesting her older sister, got out, then he was charged with molesting my friend and went back in. The mom in the family was also scared of the dad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 No. My mom was only 20 when I was born. She was an unwed mother. But she was a great mom. She did amazing things to make our life better. I love her so much. There was the time she chased me through the kitchen with a broom, but I was 15 so I totally get it. ;) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Not afraid, but respected them. I am afraid of anger, though. May be part of being an ACOA. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Not my step-dad, but I was terrified of my mother. She had mental health problems and threatened to kill us in our sleep several times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Not afraid, but my mom could be pretty intimidating when she was in a"get things done" mood. I remember experiencing a guilty start whenever I was in my room reading and I heard her coming down the hall because she really didn't approve of people lying around reading. Think Tiger Mom...I should have been practicing music or something! My dad would sometimes go into these angry rages that should have been scarier, but I don't remember feeling scared of him--just angry back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 My dad was not scary, a bit intimidating if you did something wrong. He threw fits, not scary angry. If we broke something he'd get upset. He never yelled at us specifically, just yelled. I was never physically afraid of him, however. He changed though. I think raising kids, especially girls, was stressful to him. He also worked nights, so we didn't see him a lot. Last year I realized how much he changed when ds accidentally dropped something my dad just gave him (an old police scanner) as we were headed to the car. I thought my dad would throw a fit. I had that old feeling of dread come up instantly. He didn't. He helped ds fix the antennae and made sure it still worked even though the plastic case was still cracked. He never raised his voice or said anything remotely harsh. I really almost cried on the way home out of relief. ex and I consciously did not yell at ds over accidents. Looking back though, I broke a lot of things as a kid. I used to spill glasses a lot, broke things in stores by accident more than once, and broke the garage window using the back of the house for a tennis court at least 3-4 times as a teen. I also wrecked his car once, legally not my fault. It took two years to go to court to prove it. I still tease him about it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Runningmom80 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Not afraid, but respected them. I am afraid of anger, though. May be part of being an ACOA. same. my own anger even scares me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 No, not at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Yes. My dad's temper could be unpredictable - and honestly I think that the emotional side of it often has more to do with it than physical violence. There have been many threads here from posters afraid of their parents in various ways (as adults, when the parents definitely aren't going to physically harm them and don't have any economic control of them). Not at all. I did have a healthy fear and respect of them. Much more than my kids do of me, which kind of irritates me. My kids say things to me I would never ever have said to my parents and I don't know why that is. How is a fear of your parents different from being afraid of them? Not a snarky question; I am interested in the distinction you are making. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherGoose Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Not at all. I had a great deal of respect for them, and knew they would discipline me for any infractions, but I was not afraid of them, even though I was certainly spanked as a young child as discipline. But that was never out of anger, and I never saw them lose any control. When I was spanked, it was with a hand on the bottom, and I generally knew it was coming due to warnings I did not heed. They never disciplined me out of their own anger or issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paulasue Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Yes, In my elementary years. we discovered that I have had a slight hearing loss, so often I don't hear things said around me. The doctor stated the type it was, I was either born with it or it occurred in the first year of life. I was always getting in trouble for things that I didn't hear. For my POV, mom was coming in getting mad at things randomly saying she had said to do them. I thought she was lying just to get me in trouble. My mom, actually, would say to do things as she walked through a room or would tell me from another room. She never would verify that I heard them. She thought I was ignoring her, then she constantly felt I was lying to her when I constantly stated that I did not hear her. Now I realize she was just too lazy to take the step to verify that I heard her. She never really believes me, especially when I tell her something she doesn't want to hear... I have suffered from migraines all my life, they weren't diagnosed til college. She never believed that your head could hurt so bad that you can't walk. So of course, we were not going to the doctor for something I was dreaming up. She now thinks they just started in college. She thought I was lying about the triggers. She even stated that I can throw up at anything and throwing up doesn't mean I am sick. She was never happy when I threw up at school, because school won't keep you if you throw up. She was never happy when she had to come pick me up. Can you tell she wasn't really good about the mothering thing...LOL... I to this day am always have a little fear when I see it's her on caller id, I wonder if I am going to get in trouble for something I don't know about. Gee whiz, I wonder why I have no desire to spend time with her or have my son spend much time with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherGoose Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Yes. My dad's temper could be unpredictable - and honestly I think that the emotional side of it often has more to do with it than physical violence. There have been many threads here from posters afraid of their parents in various ways (as adults, when the parents definitely aren't going to physically harm them and don't have any economic control of them). How is a fear of your parents different from being afraid of them? Not a snarky question; I am interested in the distinction you are making. Not wanting to speak for the person you quoted, but I agree with her. I had a healthy fear and respect of my parents too. Sort of like the fear and respect you have for the cop with a radar gun hiding in the bushes: you know that if he catches you speeding, you will be disciplined, but not abused and you won't get anything you didn't deserve, so you want to behave yourself. ETA I didn't or don't think of my parents as the police, either. They were warm and loving and explained the reasons behind the rules. But I also knew that once they'd decided on a consequence, they would implement it, and also that they didn't let me get away with stuff. They were very consistent. Maybe fear of God is a better analogy than the police, as another person says. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slache Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Yes. My mother took joy in abusing me and watching me be abused by others. Add a pole. Slache is curious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 One of them before 18, one of them after 18 but not today. I don't really want to say more than that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Yes. My parents were the type who thought physical pain was the best form of punishment. :( For years after I left home the sound of a belt buckle rattling terrified me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debbi in Texas Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Yes, especially my dad. He was an alcoholic. He was just yucky when he drank beer, but if he got whiskey it was worse. Lots worse. I have had guns and knives pointed at me by my father and he walked me down the aisle drunk. She was verbally and physically abusive and they were both neglectful. She had seizures but still drove the car. I have a relationship with them today only because I am not living there anymore and for some reason I thought it was important to have a relationship with them. He has not drank in over 27 years now, so the grandchildren don't know him that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 No. But I also didn't respect my dad for a few different reasons, and I think that lack of respect and abcense of fatherly authority did me harm. While I don't think fear equals respect, I do think the 2 can be related. Both produce boundaries. As a kid who had none, I do wish something had been different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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