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Jawm...I am not an awful mom

MedicMom

By MedicMom,
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MedicMom

MedicMom

Posted
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I forgot that DS is turning 5 on Tuesday until he asked about his party. I threw something together at the last minute, none of his three friends I invited can come. Fortunately he will have grandparents and aunts to make up for it and I hope the large playground at the park we are having it will make up for it.

But I still feel lousy that none of his friends will be there. He's so isolated as it is.

 

And the baby(in the NICU) was moved down to the progressive nursery from the critical care section. Which is great!

Except he's right now very sick. They ran out of my breastmilk and instead of calling me, the new nurses gave him formula. I had explicitly said no formula, because the brand they use my two older children were allergic too. They gave him four feedings when my husband walked in, saw them giving him formula and asked why.

Guess what: he's allergic to it too and is vomiting bile and is so sick.

 

I then asked to read his chart as I always do. They said no; after some discussion about my legal rights I had access to it, and discovered why--they made a non serious med error and didn't want me to know.

 

The final straw was he started vomiting again, they suctioned, shoved the suction tube too far down the throat and caused more vomiting. I lost my temper at that point. It was not a pretty scene.

 

I just need someone to tell me I'm not a crappy mom. Please no condemnation right now...

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ThisIsTheDay

ThisIsTheDay

Posted
Posted

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

You are not an awful mom at ALL!!!  Your boy's birthday was salvaged.  You have had so much going on with the baby, and we'll never spill your secret that you almost forgot.  (And you're a hero even for pulling together a party with a brand new baby--my baby wasn't premie, was four months old when my oldest had her birthday, and I left the room and let a friend take over with my dh.)

 

Unbelievable about the mess ups in NICU.  That's serious and scary stuff, the place where you would least expect it, with the patients who have no room for any kind of errors in their care.  I don't even know what to say about that, that is awful.  :crying:

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happypamama

happypamama

Posted
Posted

YOU ARE A GREAT MOM. :hurray:

 

Period, End of story.

 

You are not allowed to argue with me about it, either!

 

I'm so sorry about the baby! :( I hope he feels better soon! :grouphug:

Just felt this needed to be quoted!

 

I'd have been livid about the formula too. Feel better soon, sweet baby!

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Guest

Guest

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Um, no. You're pretty much an incredible mom. I'm SO mad at the hospital for not listening to you and making him sicker. Seriously?! And then covering up an error. SERIOUSLY?!

 

As for the birthday party, don't feel bad. Really. This is why I don't even do parties - I can't handle the pressure of trying to make sure other people show up and make things work successfully. We do cake, a favorite meal, and some family time. It sounds like you did all of that and then some. That means you rock.

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Aelwydd

Aelwydd

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I forgot that DS is turning 5 on Tuesday until he asked about his party. I threw something together at the last minute, none of his three friends I invited can come. Fortunately he will have grandparents and aunts to make up for it and I hope the large playground at the park we are having it will make up for it.

But I still feel lousy that none of his friends will be there. He's so isolated as it is.

 

And the baby(in the NICU) was moved down to the progressive nursery from the critical care section. Which is great!

Except he's right now very sick. They ran out of my breastmilk and instead of calling me, the new nurses gave him formula. I had explicitly said no formula, because the brand they use my two older children were allergic too. They gave him four feedings when my husband walked in, saw them giving him formula and asked why.

Guess what: he's allergic to it too and is vomiting bile and is so sick.

 

I then asked to read his chart as I always do. They said no; after some discussion about my legal rights I had access to it, and discovered why--they made a non serious med error and didn't want me to know.

 

The final straw was he started vomiting again, they suctioned, shoved the suction tube too far down the throat and caused more vomiting. I lost my temper at that point. It was not a pretty scene.

 

I just need someone to tell me I'm not a crappy mom. Please no condemnation right now...

 

You are an AWESOME mama. Jeebus, woman you just had a very stressful premature delivery! I think your boy will be fine. Sometimes life happens, but you are having a birthday party and it WILL be fun.

 

I'm so sorry about the tube feeding and the whole medical harshness. Geez. That's a craptastic way to treat your baby and you. :(

 

BTW, are you in Texas? I forget!

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*Lulu*

*Lulu*

Posted
Posted

YOU ARE A GREAT MOM. :hurray:

 

Period, End of story.

 

You are not allowed to argue with me about it, either!

 

I'm so sorry about the baby! :( I hope he feels better soon! :grouphug:

Cat is right.

 

(And you really don't want to argue with her. She fights dirty! :P )

 

You are a great mom. Seriously. I have no doubt about it.

 

Please, be gentle to yourself; you are under an unbelievable amount of stress right now.

 

(((MedicMom)))

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Tammi K

Tammi K

Posted
Posted

:grouphug:  You are just a mom who needs a hug!!!  Will it make you feel better to know that my 17 year old daughter is still waiting for her Sweet 16 birthday party?    Sometimes life just gets in the way of all of our best intentions.   Your newly 5 year old is quite likely to forgive you.   It sounds like he will have a fun day anyway.  

 

Hang in there.  

 

Great news about the step-down. So sorry to hear he is sick.

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MedicMom

MedicMom

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To be honest: DS5 is only getting a party because he asked for it and his grandparents, great grandmother and great aunt stepped up and are doing all the food. It is family only at a park. I felt he needed something just for him(he has to share the party with DD who's birthday is four days later but neither care) after the really difficult eight months we've had.

 

Baby is with a good nurse tonight. I'm not a formula nazi by any means; my kids have all just been allergic to this particular one. He's gotten another breastmilk feeding and I stayed to make sure he didn't vomit any more bile after that.

 

I just need like three of me and it would all be ok.

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Ripley

Ripley

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Posted

:grouphug:  Stressed mom =/= bad mom. Really and truly, I promise!

 

It sounds like all kinds of crazy right now and yet you managed to advocate for your infant *AND* plan a last-minute party for your 5 year old.

 

In a perfect world, neither would have been necessary.

 

But our world isn't perfect, and neither are mothers.

 

And the world keeps spinning.  Be kind to yourself, Mom, you're doing okay!

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Ravin

Ravin

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You are a good mom. Can the NICU get donor milk for him for when what you can pump runs short, since formula made him sick?

 

Sending you positive milk supply vibes. 

 

And it's more party than my DD got at 5.

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arliemaria

arliemaria

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Posted

Having been through the NICU with my oldest (now 6) I know the stress.  He was born with a congenital diaphragmatic hernia and born a month early because I had liver failure.  NICU is stressful no matter what the situation.  You are not with your baby and that is not normal.  Please rest.  Take care of your family and yourself.  You'll have time for awesome parties later.  Rest.

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Forget-Me-Not

Forget-Me-Not

Posted
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MedicMom

 

You literally walked through the valley of the shadow of death to get that baby here.

 

He is still hospitalized. You are still recovering.

 

Your very understandable reaction to the hospital was one of fierce protection.

 

Your son will have a lovely birthday party with family. It will be ok.

 

You are doing so incredibly well under the circumstances. You are a hero.

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brehon

brehon

Posted
Posted

:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

You are NOT a crappy mom! You are a wonderful, caring, stressed beyond belief, loving mom who's doing an awesome job!

 

Listen, hon, you and I both know what some nurses can be like (not all of them, certainly), especially when they've made a couple of med and other errors, and you know the magic words for getting what you want/need:  HIPAA, JCAHO. You keep on being baby C's best advocate. They knew what they did was wrong. <grr...>

 

I once forgot one of my kid's birthdays. Completely forgot, as in didn't remember until several days after the big day. She's fine.

 

You hang in there and rest! I hope C. starts doing better soon.

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OneStepAtATime

OneStepAtATime

Posted
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What they said... :)

 

FWIW, my son's bday party will be this coming weekend...but his actual birthday was in February. Things happen.

 

You are doing so much. Kuddos to you for pulling something together last minute and for being a fierce advocate for your baby. Hugs, Mom. Someday this will all be behind you.

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SunnyDays

SunnyDays

Posted
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Oh, sweetie...  :grouphug:

 

Do yourself a favor, and just believe us all.  You are a great mom.   You've not done a single thing wrong. 

 

In fact, you're kind of a superhero right now!  Think about the last few weeks... you gave birth to a preemie, you have a sweet little babe in NICU, you're home managing things while advocating for the little one, and you somehow managed to pull together a last minute birthday party.  That's *not* a list for an awful mom, truly!!

 

I'm pretty livid about the nursery's screw ups... but you pulled out your mama bear, gave 'em hell, and that's your job... you did it just fine.  I hope baby is doing much better soon, and so glad he's made some progress!

 

Give yourself a hug and some time to decompress, even if it's only for a few minutes.  :grouphug:

 

 

 

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Guest

Guest

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Did you willing sacrifice all of your internal organs to grow a human person??

 

Are you now using your body to make food to keep a human alive??

 

Have you slept more than 4 hours at a stretch in the last 6 months?

 

Did you kiss a child today??

 

I'd say you're a damn fine Mom!!!

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MedicMom

MedicMom

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You are a good mom. Can the NICU get donor milk for him for when what you can pump runs short, since formula made him sick?

 

Sending you positive milk supply vibes.

 

And it's more party than my DD got at 5.

I think so. I also have three breastfeeding sisters who will donate. Right now my freezer is stocked with milk; the NICU ran out of their frozen supply and never let me know they needed more until DH stopped by to see the baby and saw them preparing a formula feeding with the formula our kids are allergic to.

 

To be honest I did not do much for DS' birthday other than buy some hamburgers and hot dogs. It's just a picnic at the local playground, which is what he wanted. He is sad none of his friends are coming, and I feel like if I had had my act together and scheduled a little picnic more than four days in advance, they might have been able to come.

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Sara in AZ

Sara in AZ

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I had a baby in the NICU when my oldest turned 6. I left the hospital for two hours to go miniature golfing with her on her birthday, and I remember how guilty I felt for leaving my baby and how guilty I felt for not being available to my older daughter during that time the baby was sick. So much guilt all mixed up together. Throw away the guilt. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job of keeping your act together!

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AnnE-girl

AnnE-girl

Posted
Posted

You are a fantastic mom! I'm really angry with the NICU for you. There's a whole movement to get donor milk for premies whose moms are unable to pump because of the risk of NEC in formula-fed premies. It's inexcusable to not let you know that they needed more of your milk before giving formula. Your momma bear response is entirely justified.

 

As for the party, don't downplay what you've done to make it happen. Yes, it's disappointing that his friends can't come, but he'll still have fun. Maybe you can plan a park play date when things settle down.

 

Take a breath, enjoy celebrating your big kid, and give your baby some extra kisses. They are so blessed to have a mom who loves them so much.

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Ausmumof3

Ausmumof3

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I forgot that DS is turning 5 on Tuesday until he asked about his party. I threw something together at the last minute, none of his three friends I invited can come. Fortunately he will have grandparents and aunts to make up for it and I hope the large playground at the park we are having it will make up for it.

But I still feel lousy that none of his friends will be there. He's so isolated as it is.

 

And the baby(in the NICU) was moved down to the progressive nursery from the critical care section. Which is great!

Except he's right now very sick. They ran out of my breastmilk and instead of calling me, the new nurses gave him formula. I had explicitly said no formula, because the brand they use my two older children were allergic too. They gave him four feedings when my husband walked in, saw them giving him formula and asked why.

Guess what: he's allergic to it too and is vomiting bile and is so sick.

 

I then asked to read his chart as I always do. They said no; after some discussion about my legal rights I had access to it, and discovered why--they made a non serious med error and didn't want me to know.

 

The final straw was he started vomiting again, they suctioned, shoved the suction tube too far down the throat and caused more vomiting. I lost my temper at that point. It was not a pretty scene.

 

I just need someone to tell me I'm not a crappy mom. Please no condemnation right now...

You are thinking about and organising your five year olds bday when you've just had a baby. That in itself is a good mum thing. Plus you've got a baby in icu. The fact that you even remembered and attempted something is awesome!

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Alessandra

Alessandra

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Oh, my, why would you even begin to think that? I bet you are tired and stressed beyond belief, and that is making you blame yourself for not micromanaging the nurse's work?? Just because you have a medical background does not make you responsible for their work. And getting angry is an appropriate reaction to a mistake. And they should have called you about the milk. They are on site to monitor, not you.

 

And worrying more about the life of a baby in NICU than the birthday of a child at home sounds to me as though you have your priorities right. Even if you had planned way ahead, ds's friends still might not be available. Even if he had a boatload of friends, it still might be hard to put together a party in the spring, because kids these days have so many outside activities. That is not your fault either, lol.

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readwithem

readwithem

Posted
Posted

Even if you had given your ds's friends 3 weeks notice, there's no guarantee they could come.

 

And you are an AMAZING, fabulous, on-the-ball, with it mom to advocate for your sweet newborn!

 

Hugs to all of you.  Tell your ds and your dd all their WTM aunties say happy, happy birthday!!

 

 

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creekland

creekland

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Ok, I'm not even sure our 5 year olds had a birthday party and I didn't have all those things going on in my life.  We just didn't do parties every single year.  It's not a parenting requirement to be honest.  We often let ours choose something special (movie? quick trip? favorite hike?) along with letting them choose their favorite meal - cooked in or eaten out - instead.  If he wants hamburgers and hot dogs in the park, bring some extras along and see if there are others at the park at the same time who want to celebrate with him and invite them over (with parents too).  Do that quietly so he doesn't know if they can't/don't want to, but if they do, he might meet some new friends.  On our travels our kids often met "new" friends at parks across the country.  They enjoyed it.

 

Meanwhile... how about some destressing for mom (aka you)?  You're doing an awesome job and it is stressful physically and mentally.  It's time to start planning your own destressing...  What's on tap?  If nothing is, THAT is worrisome.  None of us on here are so superhuman that we can undergo such major ongoing stressful situations in our lives and not need to figure out how to give our minds and bodies a wee bit of a break now and then.

 

Luv ya...  :grouphug:

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