I'm thinking about taking my daughter to see the Laura Ingalls Wilder pageant in De Smet this weekend. Has anyone been before? Would an enthusiastic 9 year old enjoy it? We'd fly in to Sioux Falls the night of the pageant and stay 2-4 nights, depending on what there is to do in De Smet and/or Sioux Falls. So far here's what I have for De Smet - Laura's homestead ... wondering if the historic home tour is interesting? Sioux Falls - ??? Maybe drive to Mt. Rushmore?? Is that worth the 5-6 hour drive? I could book our return flight out of Rapid City, if so. This would be our first trip to either Dakota :) we could use some BTDT advice!

(You make me realize I should count my blessings it's only air pollution and nothing I have to clean up!)

I'm 5' tall on a good hair day and in heels, which is reflected in how I have arranged my kitchen cabinets. I like to be able to easily reach things! My ex-MIL used to re-arrange my cabinets when she came over, putting things "where they're supposed to be" - i.e., out of my reach. I put up with it for about ten years, during which she visited almost monthly. One day I went off like a geyser. Her solution was to buy me a stool. Voila, now I could reach things - things that she had to put where they belong since I apparently missed that day of school. I was wrong for thinking things belonged wherever the heck I wanted them to be in my own kitchen. When her son and I separated, she set up his new kitchen. And because I'm super mature, every time she visits I let myself in to re-arrange his shelves "my" way. And because my ex knows his mom, he lets me :lol: and tells his mom that's how he likes his cabinets.

"OMG, WTH died in there??!! DO THAT OUTSIDE, man, geez!" :lol: I live with four teenage boys, three who deny their lactose-intolerance despite the rather obvious unpleasant side effects. And a brother in his 20s who still finds humor in farting, and eggs on the boys

I never found it hurtful to receive less from my in-laws for my birthday, than did my ex-husband on his birthday. (A) I'm not the same as a born in the family child. That's reflected in many ways: the weight of my opinion on how to handle an aging parent, who gets to tell FIL he's too drunk to drive, my being in the extended family photo but not the immediate family photo, etc., and what awful sweater we have to wear in said photo. I take no offense to any of those things. In some cases, I'm glad to not be treated as the same as a born in the family child :lol: and for that I'm more than happy to take the financial hit come birthday money time! (B) Acceptance is an attitude. It's sometimes reflected in tangible ways (money for birthdays), but it's sometimes completely independent from those tangible displays. I posted above that my ex-husband's sister's husband (BIL) doesn't receive any birthday acknowledgement from our in-laws. They hate him and absolutely show that by withholding a tangible gift (and any acknowledgement of his existence). But the key is that they don't send him anything. To me, any form of acknowledgement is an acceptance. But feelings are feelings, and it's never pleasant to feel excluded or less than. :grouphug:

Hmm, well when I wrote that ("convenience is king now") I was thinking of communications-specific situations. An example: It's 10pm and I forgot to call Betty Lou to see if she still has the sewing pattern from the Christmas play robes we made last year. If she has it, I'd like to swing by before work in the morning to pick it up; if she doesn't, I need to generate a calling list (with her input) to see who else may have it. I'd like to resolve this ASAP just so I can plan to work on the project during work breaks tomorrow, rather than lose part of a day waiting to touch base with Betty Lou and/or then to hunt down the pattern. Today, many or most people wouldn't think it an issue to text Betty Lou while it's on their mind - regardless of what time it is. The priority goes to the convenience of the sender. The reasons behind that thought explained throughout the thread - ability to program DND, seeing texts as email, etc. In the 1990s, many or most people wouldn't have reached out to Betty Lou at 10pm - they'd have waited for a "decent hour" as determined by the phone etiquette of their community/region. The priority went to the convenience of the receiver. Those reasons are also given within the thread. I got my first cell phone as a teenager, in 1997, and have had one ever since. I've always considered it, including all of its increasingly capabilities, to be an extension of my land line, I guess that's how it was imprinted upon me. And even though we bought the first iPhone to come out, by then I guess my usage habits were firmly in place. Maybe if I hadn't used a "dumb" phone for a decade prior to getting a smartphone, I'd see it as its own beast with its own set of social standards/rules. But in lieu of that, these threads are good for me so I better understand the mindset of people who don't do things my way LOL.

I have siblings in their early 20s - some married, some engaged, some very single. Our parents generally give $100 in gift cards (dinner, gas, Target - practical stuff) plus dinner. They have at least one kid's birthday in every month of the year, minus April, so I'm guessing it's just a part of their monthly budget. My former in-laws send their kids $200 each. My BIL and I have birthdays the same week, and we always received $100 each (both of us having married into the family). My ex-MIL still sends me $60-100 on my birthday, but she no longer sends BIL anything (he's still married to my ex's sister, but he's no longer liked) LOL.

I don't have a cop for a neighbor, so it was a secret to me until I read this thread. In case of an emergency, I'd feel like it's better for it to go right through, rather than to have to ring through twice to circumvent a DND setting. Seems to me we have things backwards, and that people should be more inconvenienced for the non-emergency - simply due to the nature of an emergency. Maybe the secret is that convenience is king now. At least, that's my take away from some posts on this thread. Either way, I know now a lot more phone-related secrets than I did five minutes ago :lol: so I'm calling today productive! I had no idea people thought of texts like emails, so it's given me a better understanding of those who text at all hours. I wonder what the co-relation is between texts-as-emails people and if/how many notifications they receive on their phone. I'm a text-as-phone call person, but I have no notifications on my phone (other than calendar alarms, all set for daytime) so there's no need to otherwise set my phone for DND and related settings. The only noises that come from my phone are calls and texts, and the occasional daytime calendar reminder. If I had notifications for emails, social media, etc. it'd definitely be easier to control those sounds through a simple swipe of DND; but since I don't, I feel put off by the suggestion I need to set my phone differently so that the convenience of others' trumps my own convenience of having a phone set the way I want it to be set.

If you're signature is still accurate, and your boys are still both under ten, I wouldn't factor in their friendships/ties. But yours certainly aren't anything to sneeze at, and you're 100% correct that a move changes one's environment but not necessarily one's ability to suddenly make friends. So it seems a great initial attempt to address his challenges from where you currently are. But to do that: how possible is it for him to change his position, company, and/or industry? how likely is it for him to connect with a group online (gaming, internet)? how interested is he in engaging in a hobby or IRL community? how open is he to first moving within your area, rather than mid-continent? how possible is it for an extended trip to the Midwest to feel it out? to see firsthand what's there (and isn't)?

I'm a bossy older sister, so .. no, I don't :lol: . But I have a SIL like that. She's very sensitive in general, so I think she just FEELS things way more than I do. She's more in-tune to people, which translates into her feeling more overrun by trying to take everybody into account while making her decisions. For example, what's for dinner? Me: whatever is in the fridge or whichever takeout menu is on top. Her: well, we have salmon and soup in the fridge, but Betty doesn't care for fish and Billy ate the soup for lunch so let me see what else I can piece together ... and oh, I'd really love takeout but Hubby doesn't like that they bread the teriyaki and Betty had pizza at her sleepover last night so let me figure out what two places are near enough each other than everyone gets what they like. She and I often plan our family holidays together. We each know our strengths and our challenges, and each other's, and can joke about those with each other.

Prayers for your sweet FIL, and all who love him - especially for your husband, as he manages FIL's care through the grief. And :grouphug: to you, the parents of a struggling young adult. I hope you're able to find the NAMI group close to you. I'm not sure there is a solution for how to solve the problems that stem from his/her illness, so support is going to be essential to staying and sane and united while he/she figures out where his/her road is leading. You all have a lot on your plate, and all of it is out of your control; it's no wonder you feel alone, maybe even abandoned. It feels trite and cliché to quote Footprints, but really and truly that's where my head goes when I struggle with the crosses I bear. It's like I'm emotionally running on fumes, and just as I run out of gas two blocks from the gas station, out of nowhere: kamikazi ... and a wind that's just enough of a nudge to coast in. Some days the best I can do is get out of bed, and I know the energy to do so is not coming from within ;) My prayer for you is that your divine nudge shows itself. Stat. Sounds like you need it, Sister. Love and best wishes to your entire family.

I'm comfortable by my standards. I replaced all four tires last month. I have scheduled maintenance and registration due this month. No scrambling for those. I'm a shopper, so outgrown clothes and shoes aren't an issue. Five years ago I was a full-time employee so things were better then. I'm now retired, so there was a small hit but that's mostly in my learning how to live within a fixed budget instead of having the option to increase my workload if necessary or desired. I went down a tax bracket, so it's not all bad. I have no debt - house is paid off, cars are paid off, no student loans, no credit card debt. My car is only a few years old, my ex-husband takes care of the kids' car needs - he buys himself a new jeep the year each turns 16, and gives them his then-current jeep (which is 3-5 years old and paid off) if they want it. He's a manual Rubicon guy, and my 14 year old is more of a truck guy so ... I'm not sure what will happen. I may end up buying our son the truck if my ex won't let our son sell/trade the jeep. That would affect my budget, but wouldn't kill it. I'd just have to cut back some on my extracurricular shopping. College expenses are already taken care of. I don't know that all of mine will attend college, and while it's more or less a given ... it's not mandatory, and at least one shows a inclination towards a different path. Either way, they won't need loans and neither will I. Things are pretty great here. To be in a better situation I suppose I'd have to leave retirement and go back to work, but that would be a better financial situation and not necessarily a better life situation. I'm most concerned with the latter :) I hope it all stays the same in five years. I should remain financially comfortable unless the family takes a major hit due to a medical situation.

I'm a night owl, so late night texts don't generally bother me. But I also don't live with my phone on or near me because I don't like being super accessible. I have a landline that only my immediate family and my ex-husband know the number for. And they only use it if it's time-sensitive and they can't reach me on my cell. But when someone texts me and I'm in bed, I just block them. Sometimes, I remember to unblock them the next morning. There are some exceptions - like friends whose family time is the evening, who I don't text after banking hours, or friends who I know will be up that I'll text or call until midnight. But to me it's a courtesy thing, and like other posters I follow a loose rule of no calls or texts between 9pm and 9am. I prefer the people texting me do as well. I feel a bit off put by the idea that I should have to program my phone in a way so as not to be disturbed during socially accepted sleep hours. To that end, I use my phone when and how it's convenient for me, not when and how it's convenient for others. This means I miss out on people and texts, but that doesn't bother me.

It was a marketing ploy for Southwest - pay peanuts, get peanuts.

:grouphug: I hope that in time your disappointment fades. For everything you didn't do, I bet there is something you did do. If you can't see it, it's because you're still so fresh in the moment. If others can't see it, they're not trying to - probably never were, and never will. (And that's a reflection of them, not of you.) You walked the walk. Lots of people don't or won't. Gaps can be filled, resources passed on, but some lessons come from the life we live, the example we set, the effort and time we give. There's also something to be said for the Kenny Roger's school of wisdom: knowing when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em. I think we've all known people who have died on the hill of some ideology, and not been any better off for it. By all means, mourn the loss of a dream and of ideals but give yourself some credit, Mom(s). At least partial-credit? :cheers2: