Changed Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 DD15 wants me to take her and her two friends to see the Hunger Games triple feature in a couple of weeks. We went to the double feature when the second movie came out. When I asked dh if he'd watch the kids (he's off work that day), he said I was being "immature". I can't see what it matters I do with my teen on a day out, but he says I'm a "mother" and shouldn't go. What say the hive? Do you see a problem with it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Well, this worker bee says the proper response is, "Let me rephrase. On xyz day, I'll be taking DD15 and her friends to see the Hunger Games Trilogy. Plan to be here WITH YOUR CHILDREN." My DH would know better than to say something like that to me. He knows he'd find himself without clean laundry, hot meals, and a warm bed faster than he could say "Team Peeta." :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 I went with DD and her friends last time and plan to this time as well. Who says mothers can't watch The Hunger Games? That argument makes no sense to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Calling you immature sounds manipulative. I really dislike manipulative. It is not the slightest bit immature to go to a movie with your teen. Tell him that manipulating like a junior higher is immature and you are going, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 It is not a children's movie. He must not understand the YA genre at all. YA just means "sci fi or fantasy without intensely graphic sex". And also, I can't imagine what would be going through a grown man's head in telling a woman that she's being immature. That's like telling someone they're being 'ignent'. There is no non-insulting way to hear that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 I would have nothing nice to say to my spouse were he to lose his mind and dare to utter such tripe in my presence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 DD15 wants me to take her and her two friends to see the Hunger Games triple feature in a couple of weeks. We went to the double feature when the second movie came out. When I asked dh if he'd watch the kids (he's off work that day), he said I was being "immature". I can't see what it matters I do with my teen on a day out, but he says I'm a "mother" and shouldn't go. What say the hive? Do you see a problem with it? What? He says you can't have one day off taking care of the other kids to do something with your teenager? I would have a big, fat, giant problem with that. I would have already made a marriage counseling appointment. Yes, mothers can have a day off to do whatever we please. The Fathers who work while their wives stay at home can watch their own progeny now and then. Your eldest is *15* and you all haven't worked this out? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 What is he calling immature, your choice of movie, or your leaving your other children to go see a movie? Because if it's just the choice of movie, then that's ill-informed (see Poppy's post); if it's your leaving the children, that's...well, that's inexcusable, whatever you call it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 He's wrong. Just MHO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Changed Posted November 2, 2014 Author Share Posted November 2, 2014 He has seen the first two Hunger Games, and while they weren't his favorite movies, he did enjoy them. It's not the choice in the movie, or the fact that he'll be watching the littles; he thinks choosing to spend a day watching three movies is immature. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 I don't see a problem with it. At all. Your hubby is probably not looking forward to 6 hours watching the littles while you enjoy the movies with your teen, but that's called being a father. Enjoy being with your daughter & don't think for one second that you are being immature. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 He is not only dead wrong but also being mean. I think it's awesome to spend time with kids and teens doing the things they like. It's even more awesome that you enjoy it too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Does he name-call frequently? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Changed Posted November 2, 2014 Author Share Posted November 2, 2014 Does he name-call frequently? No, he's actually very quiet, calm, patient, etc...yk, the opposite of me. Lol. I think that's why I was so shocked and had to ask you guys for your opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamaraby Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Well, this worker bee says the proper response is, "Let me rephrase. On xyz day, I'll be taking DD15 and her friends to see the Hunger Games Trilogy. Plan to be here WITH YOUR CHILDREN." This would be my response. I wouldn't even justify it. I suppose by his reasoning one shouldn't take their elementary school child to see a cartoon movie...cuz that's far more "immature" than Hunger Games. We went on a library tour a couple of weeks ago and the librarians explained that the YA genre can encompass people into their 30s. She meant it as a caution to the parents. You could make with that what you will. My dh would just be glad that I was getting out on my own-ish and would be happy to parent the remaining children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Hmmmm....I wonder if he watches (or attends) sporting events...how many hours do those tie up? If you were going to movie marathons every week for several months, then, maybe, MAYBE, there might be some discussion. But once or twice with during your child's teen years. I think it's wrong NOT to do it...the teen will remember the fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Anne Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Tell him that manipulating like a junior higher is immature and you are going. This bears lots of repeating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Sounds like an awesome day of bonding with a teenage daughter. Those days are golden. Grab a video for your littles, pop some popcorn, and they can have their own movie marathon while you're gone. Should be easy for dh to handle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 It seems like a very weird conversation. First, I don't get asking a father to watch his own kids. Dads are not babysitters. But I also don't get what is immature about taking an older kid and friend to a movie. If his response seems unusual to you, I think it would be worth the time to sit with him and find out what's going on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Yes, you are a mother. Mothers take their teenage children to movies which interest the teenager. Sounds like a great mother to me. Is a triple feature "immature"? Maybe it is to him. That said you should both be counting your blessings that your teenage daughter wants her mother to come along with her on such an outing. Hello. A lot of teens her age would be asking you to drop them off a block away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 No, he's actually very quiet, calm, patient, etc...yk, the opposite of me. Lol. I think that's why I was so shocked and had to ask you guys for your opinion. If this is uncharacteristic, I think I'd be steaming mad, tell him to stuff it, then much later try to figure out why he's reacting this way. Could he be feeling a little jealous that you've got that much free time and you're choosing to spend it all without him, or that he hasn't gotten that much free time for himself? While it doesn't excuse what he said in any way, since this isn't a typical response for him, maybe it just stirred up some feelings that he didn't quite know how to figure out and express appropriately, so it came out this way. Either that, or he's just having a moment and needs someone to tell him to get on over himself. :P Enjoy the movies, sounds like a fabulous time! Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 So after your clarification it appears that his issue (he claims) is that an adult going to see a triple feature is "immature"? Uh...nope. Not at all. You are bonding with your daughter and having a fun afternoon. Sounds like a great idea to me! If he is genuinely thinking this and not just saying it because he secretly has misgivings about being responsible for the other kids for an extended period of time or because he is a bit jealous (as previously posited) then he can think what he likes but you are NOT being immature. Immature would be storming off in a huff after he made his rather ignorant/rude statement and refusing to ever talk to him again. But watching a triple feature with your 15 year old? Absolutely not being immature AT ALL. Good luck, OP. I hope you can help him see the error of his ways. (But whatever he is thinking on this, I'd definitely go anyway. These experiences with your daughter are precious.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 It seems like a very weird conversation. First, I don't get asking a father to watch his own kids. Dads are not babysitters. But I also don't get what is immature about taking an older kid and friend to a movie. If his response seems unusual to you, I think it would be worth the time to sit with him and find out what's going on. This. You replied upthread that he doesn't generally name-call. If this is out of character for him, something is going on and I wouldn't overreact; I would talk to him about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Just because it's something he wouldn't choose doesn't necessarily make it immature. I personally think it's fine to spend your time with dd that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 He has seen the first two Hunger Games, and while they weren't his favorite movies, he did enjoy them. It's not the choice in the movie, or the fact that he'll be watching the littles; he thinks choosing to spend a day watching three movies is immature. Really, the only thing I can say to that is tough noogies. Real mature, I know. He doesn't have to like it; he only has to watch the other kiddos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 He is wrong. And he should appreciate you for raising a teenager that wants to hang out with a parent along with her friends. Go and have a special time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Changed Posted November 2, 2014 Author Share Posted November 2, 2014 Yes, you are a mother. Mothers take their teenage children to movies which interest the teenager. Sounds like a great mother to me. Is a triple feature "immature"? Maybe it is to him. That said you should both be counting your blessings that your teenage daughter wants her mother to come along with her on such an outing. Hello. A lot of teens her age would be asking you to drop them off a block away. This is exactly what I was thinking!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 I will probably be going to the Hunger Games opening night series with my oldest. Dh will be home with the younger guys. I did the same thing with the first three Twilight movies - back then she was too young to go to a midnight movie by herself and the younger kids were a lot younger, so more work on both sides. Dh never gave me a hard time about it. When we got married I made sure he understood that when it came to our kids, he wasn't "babysitting" or doing me a favor. Being home with the kids falls under parenting, and it's something he has no problem with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 He has seen the first two Hunger Games, and while they weren't his favorite movies, he did enjoy them. It's not the choice in the movie, or the fact that he'll be watching the littles; he thinks choosing to spend a day watching three movies is immature. Does he watch sports? Has he ever been to an amusement park or fair? Has he ever watched a marathon session of TV or read for a good long time? Has he fished or hunted or hiked for a day? I can't imagine he's never indulged in some kind of recreation that has taken at least 6 hours of his time. This is no different. I agree with all the posters who said that you're lucky to have a teen who's happy to do this with you. Take advantage of it and ENJOY! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Maybe it's the thought of the "waste of time" rewatching two movies that you've already watched, and a bit of the "omg, it's a pop culture, fan-girl thing" thrown in? I'm with all the other posters who've told you that it's really about making memories together with your daughter and about stocking your Relationship Account with your daughter. My dh and his mother fought like cats and dogs--both strong-willed-- until he hit the age that he realized two things: 1) he could clean her kitchen for her--she hated making time-consuming meals and then having to clean up the mess, and believe me, the other two men she cooked for didn't give a whit! , and 2) he could take her to movies and enjoy them with her. From then on, their Relationship Account was stocked with enough currency that they could weather the other difficulties and disagreements, because she knew he cared about her even though they didn't always agree. (Pretty smart teen to figure that out.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hikin' Mama Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 His answer doesn't make sense. It sounds to me like a passive aggressive way to get out of watching the other kids for 9 hours, ya know, like you probably do on every other day. ;) P.S. My 17 yodd asked me to go to the 3rd one when it comes out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 What? triple features are immature? Honestly, I'd call him a ninny, stick out my tongue at him, flip my hair while sighing, and flounce out of the room. That might be immature, but watching 3 movies in one day, really? Are you supposed to quit having fun when you become a mother? :w00t: I did not receive that memo. :svengo: ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Memories. You are building memories with your oldest child. The opportunities for this become harder as they get older, so take advantage of the opportunity when you can - even if it's a "ridiculous triple feature". ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Your teen dd wants to spend time with, even in the company of her friends? Not just have you pay and drop them off. That is something to treasure and you should not miss the opportunity, IMO. Did your dh have some kind of guy thing planned for the weekend that he 'forgot' to mention? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incognito Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Odd thing for a husband to say. I will admit, I heard of someone in my social circles doing an all day marathon of the 6 Star Wars movies. They have a small child. I told my husband it was impressive that they had that much time to do that. I did think it was an immature way to spend one's Saturday. I didn't tell them I thought that of them, and I wouldn't give them a hard time about it. We all have our interests. But, I'm saying I can appreciate your husband's perspective. In your situation, however, it isn't *just* watching the movies, it is also doing it *with* your teen, which actually takes away the "waste of time" factor in my mind. Oh, and part of my judgement of the people I know is that I am jealous of them. Jealous that they can just sit and do nothing for a whole Saturday. I know that is my problem, not theirs. So I guess I vote your DH is jealous and doesn't see the preciousness of your teen wanting to do that with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane in NC Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 A teen who wants to be with Mom at an event? Cool! Does your husband understand how important it is to maintain open doors to communication with teens? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 The new movie comes out the day before my birthday. My teen has said she's buying me tickets for my birthday present. Seems like an odd response from your husband. Then again, I never ask my husband's opinions about the movies I plan to see with my children anyway. Not that you did either. It was just commentary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 I would say, "I DO WHAT I WANT!" and then do what I wanted. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Wow, he sounds like he's jealous you are planning a fun day with DD. Just go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 If he wasn't teasing or being tongue in cheek at all, I'd be pretty offended and go anyway. Of course, I also don't ask my husband to watch the kids. I tell him when he's going to need to watch the kids. If he has plans, obviously that changes things. He's not at my beck and call. But he's just as much a parent as me so if he's just going to be at home, I leave when I want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 My thoughts: Of course you "asked him to watch the kids." It's only polite on a weekend when the parents are expecting to co-parent to ask him, "Hey, are you free the whole Saturday to watch the kids?" He may have already had plans, "Oh, I can't--I'll be working on that work project at home that weekend." My dh and I often check in with one another when we're planning things to be sure the other doesn't already have something on the schedule. So, that's ok. His telling you that watching 3 movies is immature is a common thought from adults. As a poster mentioned up thread about the person who saw all three Star Wars movies in one day, a lot of people feel that way. I took a day off work to see Star Wars episode I when it came out and my coworkers raised their eyes that I took off work to see the movie. I was very offended. Who cares what I do on my vacation time? But I learned that day that people are stuffy about movies. So, obviously, I don't think it's the slightest bit immature to watch 3 movies in a row, but I know plenty who do. He's not necessarily "wrong" to think that, but it's ungracious and narrow minded. And what's the big deal with being immature, even if it is? Can't we be fun and lighthearted from time to time? Does everything always have to be maudlin and dramatic? Lastly, if this is out of character, then there's a subtext to this. You can either let this go as a temporary glitch and some ill-thought words, or you can talk to him about it and get to the bottom of it and gently explain about what everyone else has said above (bonding, so what if it's "immature", his response was "immature" and excessive, etc.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 I think you dh was in the wrong to call your choice immature. I think it is awesome that your teenager wants to spend time with you. I can't comment beyond that because watching three movies in a row sounds like pure torture to me--I can rarely stand to sit through one! I can't stand to sit through much of anything though :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Odd thing for a husband to say. I will admit, I heard of someone in my social circles doing an all day marathon of the 6 Star Wars movies. They have a small child. I told my husband it was impressive that they had that much time to do that. I did think it was an immature way to spend one's Saturday. I didn't tell them I thought that of them, and I wouldn't give them a hard time about it. We all have our interests. But, I'm saying I can appreciate your husband's perspective. In your situation, however, it isn't *just* watching the movies, it is also doing it *with* your teen, which actually takes away the "waste of time" factor in my mind. Oh, and part of my judgement of the people I know is that I am jealous of them. Jealous that they can just sit and do nothing for a whole Saturday. I know that is my problem, not theirs. So I guess I vote your DH is jealous and doesn't see the preciousness of your teen wanting to do that with you. If someone has responsible childcare then what does it matter? Why is it immature? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Not sure what the dynamics are like over there, but it rubs me the wrong way to hear people call their equals "immature." I don't know anything about The Hunger Games, but I see nothing wrong with a mom wanting to go do something fun with her teen daughter. Bonding and all that. Who cares what it is? When my kids were tots and I took them to tot stuff, was I being immature? What's his real issue? Did he make other plans without checking with you about who had the kids on his day off? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 If someone has responsible childcare than what does it matter? Why is it immature? Yeah! Is it immature to enjoy movies? To enjoy science fiction? I think it's immature to pass judgment on the value of the art that others enjoy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabet1 Posted November 3, 2014 Share Posted November 3, 2014 Wow. I did not know Hunger Games was an "immature" movie. Tell your dh he lost, you win, you will go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted November 3, 2014 Share Posted November 3, 2014 Just fwiw, ds is taking our family (minus other ds, who doesn't live here anymore) to see Interstellar next Saturday. I can't wait. Movies are one of my very favorite things--I cherish the time we spend together watching them, and then discussing them. Lots of things come out of them to discuss, and I highly enjoy having those talks. Hope you have a wonderful time with your dd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted November 3, 2014 Share Posted November 3, 2014 It seems like a very weird conversation. First, I don't get asking a father to watch his own kids. Dads are not babysitters. I don't get why it's a big deal at all to ask him rather than tell him what he'll be doing that weekend. My DH is my equal, not my servant to order around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted November 3, 2014 Share Posted November 3, 2014 Is it possible he is just saying that to avoid staying home all day with the other kids? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 3, 2014 Share Posted November 3, 2014 I can't comment beyond that because watching three movies in a row sounds like pure torture to me--I can rarely stand to sit through one! I can't stand to sit through much of anything though :) Yes, I think you are a saint for being willing to sit through this for your kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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