When DH goes out of town. . . how do you handle a fear of being alone

[fraidycat]

I set up my hammock in the kids' room (shared), so that we are all in the same room. I pile crap in front of the doors so that a loud crash would wake me up. Then, I stay up until it's almost daylight and sleep in until noon.

 

I didn't say what I do is HEALTHY ;), but it's what I do. Luckily, my kids are old enough to take care of themselves for a couple hours before I wake up. They stay up late and sleep until about 10 a.m. anyway, so it's not a huge chunk of time.

 

I just wanted to add that my main fear is not someone breaking in, but me NOT hearing them or a fire alarm. I sleep like the dead. Seriously deep sleeper, so I just do.not.hear stuff when I'm asleep. THAT is what scares me.

 

OP, I don't think your fear is irrational, or that you need to speak to someone about it. When your DH is gone 100% of the responsibility is on you 24/7. Asleep or awake, to keep your family safe. A little "what if" is good, IMO. If you don't feel the weight of that responsibility, then something might be wrong...

[Erica in OR]

I feel exactly the same way and am a bit comforted that I'm not the only one. :) I only have to deal with it a few times a year, though, not long-term. Other posters have already mentioned my typical ways for dealing with things (prayer, stay up way too late, cell phone next to bed, more lights on,  something noisy in front of the doors). Someone mentioned having a baseball bat or something to hit with. I recommend a heavy tactical flashlight. DH has one and when he's gone I put it next to me in the bed. Then if I wake up, I can use it for the flashlight portion if I want to calm my fears, and if it came to it, could conk someone on the head.

 

Erica in OR

[susankenny]

I usually take Nyquil when my husband goes out of town. Works like a charm.

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

2) Dh always leaves me the revolver in case I need it.

 

 

Please say you have it trigger-locked with kids.

[LibraryLover]

Even a marshmallow dog is territorial. Does he bark when he hears unusual sounds?  If not, I would get another dog to keep the marshmallow company,

 

Keep car remote & cell phone by your bed. 

[LibraryLover]

,

[Joker]

Dh is gone overnight these days very rarely. When he's gone, both dds usually sleep in our bed and I sleep on the couch. We all watch tv to fall asleep and the dog goes back and forth between the two rooms.

 

I also used to think our dog was just a big marshmallow. He would roll over whenever a certain neighbor dog would get loose and come after him while we were walking or in our yard. Then, one day this dog came after him while we were in our doorway and my marshmallow reacted very differently to having an actual intruder to our home. My marshmallow actually hurt neighbor dog and I felt horrible, but he's never acted that way prior or after. He is fine with visitors we let inside but he obviously feels very differently about those who are not invited and are hostile.

[Danestress]

I have the same basic preparedness with or without a husband. Honestly, crimes happen all the time with men home, and mine is mortal. Guns could kill him.

 

I have a big dog, a security system, lighting outside, and a cellphone by my bed. That's about it. I am more concerned walking to my car at the mall, to be honest. I actually think that is more dangerous.

[Chelli]

Please say you have it trigger-locked with kids.

 

 

Of course. It's also in a safe in the top of our bedroom closet. He wouldn't leave me with a gun if I didn't know how to use it and be safe with it. 

 

But thanks for asking.  :thumbup1:

[athomeontheprairie]

My dog as an early warning system and then my gun. I also have my dd sleep with me so we're in the same room.

 

All these precautions because we are quite a ways away from any police. We have no town sheriff and the only responders would be state police or border patrol. We would probably have to take care of "whatever" before the cops ever arrived.

I could have written this :-)

I am so glad for this post. I, am not alone! Not am I alpine in distance from police. WE would be on our own for quite some time. It would be up to me to protect my family should something happen, it is comforting to knowI'm not the only one...

[8circles]

Now I'm wondering if I'm the weird one. I do feel more responsibility when dh is gone & at times have spooked myself, but I don't really change anything except be sure to check that the house is locked up since dh normally does that. Otherwise, kids have the same sleeping arrangements as usual. I probably stay up later than usual, too, but that's in part because he's not there to remind me that its getting late.

[Elfknitter.#]

I don't want to sound like the voice of doom but MANY home invasions are not targeted. Every day I read about someone high on drugs that finds the easiest mark. An unlocked door is a very common way to get robbed. A friend of a friend was in her livingroom, reading a book in the middle of the day and a drugged out crazy man walked right through the front door, dragged down and raped her. I don't think in this day and age it's irrational to think something can happen. Chances are it won't, but why let your guard down?]

Is there a report with the statistics of this occurrence? I'm not debating that it never happens, but it's a more unlikely form of burglary. Why scare the OP more than is reasonably necessary?

[Laura Corin]

Can I approach this from another angle?  Sometimes when I get afraid of things, I try to think about what is likely to happen if the thing I fear transpires.

 

Bad guy turns up.  Firstly, he's likely to want to steal things without being challenged, so he'd probably be in and out before you know.  Even if you are aware, the last thing he wants is to tangle with you, so you and your children are very unlikely to be hurt.  People are difficult to deal with - why would he want to get involved?  Your husband's being home or not would not change this scenario.

 

Our flat in London has been burgled twice.  In both cases, the burglars chose times when no-one was home, and they took items and ran.

 

L (living in the country - husband gone most weeks Monday to Friday)

[Kalmia]

I agree that you should all but insist on deadbolts. That seems as basic as working heat to me! 

 

 

Your DH should insist on deadbolts. Have him explain that if anything ever happened to his family because of the substandard locks in the house, he would consider the landlord responsible.

 

The mere presence of a dog should be a great deterrent, so let that comfort you. Consider him your knight and protector. 

 

I also realize intellectually that there is very little chance of someone breaking into our house, that doesn't stop the emotional response though, and I too have had some late nights patrolling the premises! Make a routine that comforts you. I would have a routine like this: lock doors and put chairs in front of them (if I had no deadbolts), lock windows, turn on security system (once you get it), leave lights on downstairs and the TV (sound off), Then I would bring my cellphone to bed with me (and if I had an older child I'd leave one by their bed too). I would leave my shoes and pants beside the bed with my car keys in the pants' pockets. Somehow this comforts me. Add in your dog, and you should be able to talk yourself down when you get worried. You have taken all possible precautions.

 

Also, would it make you feel better to have the kids sleep in your room and install a bolt lock on the inside of your bedroom door. Don't lock it in case of fire (far more likely than a break in), just have it there for peace of mind that you could instantly create a safe-zone (at least for a few minutes). (Perhaps escaping down the fire ladder out your window?) 

 

Once you have your safety routine in place, go pat your knight and protector on the head and tell him you trust him to look after the family. Then go to sleep.

[kiwik]

Deadbolts aren't really standard here but in my experience provided you pay for them, have them professionally installed and leave them when you go the landlord will be happy to permit it (and if you are lucky he will offer to pay all or part of the cost). I have found I am only really nervous in a big house so I would move to a smaller house or partition it so it seems smaller - sometimes it is possible to lock of a section or wing (yeah more locks or you may be able to use furniture). That way you can easily check the rooms.

[Pawz4me]

Now I'm wondering if I'm the weird one. I do feel more responsibility when dh is gone & at times have spooked myself, but I don't really change anything except be sure to check that the house is locked up since dh normally does that. Otherwise, kids have the same sleeping arrangements as usual. I probably stay up later than usual, too, but that's in part because he's not there to remind me that its getting late.

 

I'm the same way.  Don't tell anybody, but I actually look forward to DH being gone.  It's one less person for me to take care of. ;)

 

I do everything normally and sleep just fine.  We do have two dogs, but the bigger one is old and deaf and the younger one is a Shih Tzu.  He's got a feisty bark but isn't likely to scare anybody.

[Cindy in FL.]

I turn on all the outside lights plus a few strategic indoor ones. Then I stay up as late as possible so that I am really too tired not to sleep.

 

We have a big dog who barks at everything. Her bark is definitely worse than her bite, but I appreciate that it would put a bad guy "on notice".

 

If I was you I might get a couple of those dog alarm sensors that bark when someone approaches your house. They work through walls, doors, and windows. A friend of mine had one and it sounded like a real dog.

[MomtoCandJ]

Dh is leaving on a hunting trip today so I have the gun I can load and shoot myself, phone by me in bed, will have dd with me in bed, and keys and purse by the bed. We have a longish driveway and if I scream, the next door neighbor will hear me :). Besides with the foam on dd's window (the first window you see when you pull up) our trailer kinda looks like a ghetto trailer. We don't have a deadbolt yet, I think we need to buy new doors to have those installed and we just don't have the money for that. Though we do have security company signs on the door :)

[Laurie4b]

I don't think your fear is a phobia. You are used to having dh as a protector and your protector is gone. If you were a single mom or if he traveled very frequently, you would adjust.

 

You've gotten some great advice.

 

One thing I haven't seen mentioned is bracing the doors. You can put a regular wooden chair up under the doorknob with the chair tipped back at an angle. Serious damage needs to be done to the door to get around that. My grandfather taught me that and said he always did it in hotels. I think someone has mentioned blocking sliding glass windows and doors.

[Carrie12345]

I don't really worry. We have alarm signs and scary looking (and sounding) dogs. If anyone is crazy enough to bypass that, dh's presence (or lack there of) isn't going to change anything.

 

ETA: Dh is away at leasst a few times a year, so there's also the matter of just getting used to it. I guess I did worry a little in the beginning, but more of a general anxiety, not a specific fear.

[Happy]

Now I'm wondering if I'm the weird one. I do feel more responsibility when dh is gone & at times have spooked myself, but I don't really change anything except be sure to check that the house is locked up since dh normally does that. Otherwise, kids have the same sleeping arrangements as usual. I probably stay up later than usual, too, but that's in part because he's not there to remind me that its getting late.

 Me, too...

 

I guess when travel became an every week thing, I adjusted. At first I was hyper--brought my dogs (GSDs) into my room. I had a fear of fire and I figured the dogs would smell smoke or hear the alarms faster than I would. I also stayed up late reading when dh was gone. Lights outside--but I prefer steady on lights. It unnerves me to see lights pop on...the wind through bushes can turn them on...so can critters.

 

You can learn to deal with this...I get amused when I hear grown women with children say they go to their mom's house whenever their dh has to be gone. For them it is a mini vacation, I suppose. For me, dh's travels are our job. I might as well cope.

 

I come from a long line of scaredy cats. My mom used to tell me that when she was a little girl and her dad was late coming home from the fields, her mom would take her and both would hide in the chicken coop until my granddaddy came home. They lived way out in the county...

 

My mom hated to have my dad travel overnight, so he got another job in order to be home. I knew if I didn't learn to handle being a 'single' mom, my dh would not get to do what he loves--fly airplanes. So I got tough on myself.

 

I remember a time frame when it was not easy--I put on some gentle scripture tapes to listen to as I fell asleep.

 

I also figured out that 30 minutes of sweaty exercise a day meant I would sleep better that night.

 

Do what makes you feel secure!

[edelweiss]

My husband travels frequently, but it doesn't bother me much.  (Like others said, I kind of like it.  Sssshhhhh...)  We have a very large house, but it doesn't really scare me any more than it would if our house was smaller.  We do live in a safe area and the police are less than a mile away.  We have a monitored alarm system, deadbolts on all of the doors, outside motion lights, cameras all around the house, two dogs, and a gun.  DH tends to worry way more about us being home alone than I do, so he has had all of these security things installed.  

 

I don't change our routine at all when he is away.  I, of course, make sure that the doors are all locked (we always keep them locked though.  They are never unlocked during the day though unless someone is outside in the yard doing something).  I put the alarm on, and then we go to bed as usual.  I guess I figure that we've taken all of the precautions that we can, so I just can't worry about it past that.  

[Mango]

I agree, don't underestimate your pooch. 

 

My folks had an extremely timid rescue dog. They invited a hunter friend to use the facilities once and that dog chased him out of the house! 

 

 

Personally I have two big doggie girlies and 1 very loud poodle doodle who sleep in my room. I also bring the portable phone close by. But we live out so it's more the coyote and wolves that are a concern. 

[Berta]

I'm very rural and you can't see my house from the road. I have a LONG driveway and have a game-cam set up that will snap pics of cars coming down my driveway. Like I said, I'm very rural... on a dead end dirt road several miles outside of a little town, but you would be surprised to know the number of times I have caught a car in pictures coming down my wooded driveway and had no clue they were even there. This is why I put up a driveway alarm. It sets off chimes when someone/something comes past it.

 

Regarding barring the doors, there is a little, inexpensive gadget called a door stop with an alarm. I used this when we lived in our old suburban home. When someone would come to the door I would put that about 6 inches from the door. That way I could open it, but if someone were to forcibly push the door at me it would stop them dead in their tracks.

 

http://www.cheatersspyshop.com/super-door-stop-alarm.html?utm_source=super-door-stop-alarm&utm_medium=shopping%2Bengine&utm_campaign=googleproducts&gclid=CLOa6JTA5LoCFa1QOgody3EATw

 

At this point, I don't open the door to anyone except my neighbor, and she will call first.

[SailorMom]

We have two great danes....  Loud bark - wimpy dogs.  But - I think a burglar would be an idiot to try to come in here.  I've been told that it isn't even so much the size or number of dogs - it's just that they bark and alert the owner.  Once the owner is alerted, they no longer have any time to rob the house before the cops will show up. Unless someone is targeted for a VERY expensive item (or many items), no one is going to break in and then shoot a dog.  That's usually movies - or like I said - very targeted individuals (and most of us don't fit the profile for those targets). 

 

DH is deployed - a lot - and has been since our kids were very small, but it never occurred to me to change our routines or change the rooms we slept in....  I absolutely don't want to make anyone here feel like I'm trying to make them feel bad or judging them, but to those of you who either sleep in your kids' room or have them sleep with you...  could it be possible that you are teaching your kids to not feel safe at home without their dad as well (like - passing on the phobia/fear/whatever?)?  I know a big deal with military spouses is to keep things as normal as possible and not let our kids know if we're worried about the deployment or the absence.  Sorta a "Strong mommy won't let anything happen, you have nothing to be afraid of, the adults in your life have this handled"... 

 

Fear is normal, I occasionally get nervous at night when DH is deployed and I've woken at 3am sure there is someone in the house before (and was wrong).  Do what is reasonable and responsible (whatever you think that includes - alarm system, dogs, gun, deadbolts, etc.), and then decide that you have done what you can and that you are safer all locked in at home than you are when you are all in a car on the highway.  Look at the statistics....  You really are. 

[Rubix]

 

DH is deployed - a lot - and has been since our kids were very small, but it never occurred to me to change our routines or change the rooms we slept in....  I absolutely don't want to make anyone here feel like I'm trying to make them feel bad or judging them, but to those of you who either sleep in your kids' room or have them sleep with you...  could it be possible that you are teaching your kids to not feel safe at home without their dad as well (like - passing on the phobia/fear/whatever?)?  I know a big deal with military spouses is to keep things as normal as possible and not let our kids know if we're worried about the deployment or the absence.  Sorta a "Strong mommy won't let anything happen, you have nothing to be afraid of, the adults in your life have this handled"... 

 

Speaking just for me, if I have the kids with me, they aren't aware of any fear or anxiety on my part.  Having them sleep by me is a fun thing for them, a treat or "sleepover".  More like, when Daddy is away, everyone gets to play :)  They'll watch a movie later in my room, and sleep with mom, which Dad only usually gets to do.  It's part of a more relaxed schedule we have when DH is gone.  He goes to bed early, so we have to be quieted down pretty early.  I'm a night owl and will allow that as a special treat for them.

 

I wouldn't do this if it was for a long period, but usually DH would only be gone a night or two, or at the longest a work week, leaving Monday am and returning Fri or Sat sometime.  They wouldn't sleep by me every night either.  Usually once for a 1-3 night away, and maybe twice if he is gone a week. 

[SailorMom]

Speaking just for me, if I have the kids with me, they aren't aware of any fear or anxiety on my part.  Having them sleep by me is a fun thing for them, a treat or "sleepover".  More like, when Daddy is away, everyone gets to play :)  They'll watch a movie later in my room, and sleep with mom, which Dad only usually gets to do.  It's part of a more relaxed schedule we have when DH is gone.  He goes to bed early, so we have to be quieted down pretty early.  I'm a night owl and will allow that as a special treat for them.

 

I wouldn't do this if it was for a long period, but usually DH would only be gone a night or two, or at the longest a work week, leaving Monday am and returning Fri or Sat sometime.  They wouldn't sleep by me every night either.  Usually once for a 1-3 night away, and maybe twice if he is gone a week. 

I gotcha.  yeah - the key isn't what you're feeling - it's what they think you're feeling!  :)

[Alicia64]

I don't think that is how it would go down in my house. I would hope it was the intruder that would cry and cower after I threatened to blow him to bits. Then, I would call the police so they could either take him to jail or draw a chalk line depending on the actions the intruder would decide to take.

 

I have unique circumstances where my 18 yr old has a stalker, so this is a very real fear in my house. I also have other security measures outside of my house such as a driveway alarm and security cameras.

 

Berta -- your comment reminds me of the Duck Dynasty episode where the dad says, "where I live I AM 911!"

 

Alley

[Alicia64]

 

My mom hated to have my dad travel overnight, so he got another job in order to be home. I knew if I didn't learn to handle being a 'single' mom, my dh would not get to do what he loves--fly airplanes. So I got tough on myself.

 

 

I'm the exact opposite. DH was offered a new job in another state and I said, "For the sake of the kids, please take the local job so we can stay put." Dh said, "that means I'll have to travel a lot more." And my attitude was that I could deal.

 

So, putting my kids first, we're staying where we are but now DH is making travel plans and I'm like "wait a minute. What?!?!"

 

Alley

[helena]

I watch Parks and Rec until I pass out. :)

 

I find Amy Poehler to be the opposite of all the horrible not so possible thoughts that go through my mind. 

[tammyw]

Getting a monitored alarm system really alleviated a lot of fears for me.

[momto10blessings]

When my hubby is away I sleep with my phone, my (unloaded) gun and pepper spray in my nightstand drawer and bullets nearby. This is in addition to the baseball bat behind my bedroom door, hammer in the bathroom, etc. call me paranoid, but I want to be ready and feel secure. We don't live in a bad area at all.

 

I would like a taser as well.

[LucyStoner]

I am not afraid of being alone at night. My biggest issue if we are apart for the night is that I will miss him and maybe need an extra blanket to stay warm.

 

I used to have a serious fear, one might say phobia, of showering while home alone. This made living alone tricky. I used to shower at the gym or actually use the time friends were over visiting to quickly shower. No, this was not some Psycho induced paranoia, it was triggered by actual traumatic events. I got over it by showering alone. Again and again and again. And taking care of myself and my mental health needs. There is a lot of truth to needing to face your fears. Honestly, I suggest counseling and self defense classes and making and practicing an emergency plan. Why live in fear if you don't have to?

 

Look, I am no stranger to crime. I have had several, distinct horrible things happen to me ranging from sexual assault to attempted kidnapping to being attacked on the street (which I am proud to say didn't go well for attacker). It is fair to say I have dealt with PTSD and security issues because of these things which happened when I was a child and young adult. But I am still alive and kicking it. We can't control for everything that might happen. We can live our lives with purpose and strength everyday that we are fortunate enough to be able to do so. I am not going to live my life as a victim of a crime that is in my worries only. Life is too short.

[Mrs Mungo]

I'm not really afraid of being home alone, which is good because my dh can be gone for months at a time. I don't do anything differently when he is home versus when he is gone.

[Whereneverever]

If calling the police or relying on an alarm system is your plan I'd call the non emergency number during the day and asking what the response time is to your address. Unless there's a random patrol car going by my home response time is more then ten minutes. In an emergency that's a lifetime.

[Mrs Mungo]

If calling the police or relying on an alarm system is your plan I'd call the non emergency number during the day and asking what the response time is to your address. Unless there's a random patrol car going by my home response time is more then ten minutes. In an emergency that's a lifetime.

A benefit of an alarm system is not just police response. It is the fact that it makes a crapload of noise. Noise is often enough to scare off your average intruder.

In my case, a police officer currently lives next door, so his response time would be very fast, I think. ;)

 

Now for a story (I think I have told this before). Once when my dh was gone I woke up at 3 am from a dead sleep because I thought I heard men talking. My bedroom faced my neighbor's house, but I knew they were out of town. I peeked out my window, but didn't see anything. So, I took my shotgun and peeked out into the yard while turning on my (very bright) lights in the back at the same time. I swept the yard with my flashlight. I didn't see anything, so I went back to bed. The next morning the neighbor was home and outside with the cops. Their door had been busted in, but nothing was stolen. I explained about hearing a noise and going outside with my shotgun. The cops all said "ahhhh, okay, that explains it." But, I am a light sleeper in general, so that could have happened with dh at home.

[Esperella]

I have this same phobia!! I bought a German shepherd, and honestly, if it'd make you feel better, I'd get a second barkinger dog. He has made me feel so much safer. He barks at everything. He goes potty in the front yard so we leave it there in case anyone passing by who wants rob a house, and is choosing, might skip ours. I also leave a big pair of dirty work boots, size 13, by the front door. I have all the boys sleep in my room (they think of it as a sleepover, they get to do it whenever we have friends who stay over late, or DH works late). I keep the TV on downstairs for background noise. Sometimes I pop a Xanax if its really bad.

 

I also have a gun, but I always forget our safe code!

 

We are moving to a higher crime area next year and I'm scared already. I'm going to get an alarm system and maybe fly my mom down (though I don't know what she would do if someone broke in, haha!) for long trips. I wish I wasn't as scared as I am when he's gone, but I have a lot of baggage from my childhood.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I wanted to say that the last time that dh went out of town, I decided to not do all my extra security measures but to just lock up as I normally do when dh is here.  And I actually relaxed and slept better.  

[Trish]

I worry that my dog will be zero help -- even though he's a German shepherd. I think that unless they're trained they don't attack.

 

Alley

I don't think any criminals like alarms going off, and that is a huge deterrent to anyone breaking in. Just make sure to turn it on at night and I think you'll be fine. You could add a "Beware of the Dog" sign for good measure (although that may scare off your houseguests, too!)

[nd293]

We come from a country with a very high rate of violent crime, and I pretty much just didn't sleep at night when dh went away - I'd only really go to sleep one it started to get light. We had security bars on the window and panic buttons which would bring men with big guns, but it really didn't help with the fear.

 

We're now in a much safer country, and my fear levels are mostly under control. I'll never feel fully safe, though, and I have certain rituals and strategies which help when dh is away. I usually contact at least one neighbour and make sure they know I'm alone, and ask if I can use them as my emergency call if I'm in trouble. I close the curtains before it is dark. I have the kids sleep with me when dh is away. I properly lock all doors with keys, rather than just latching them from the inside. I make sure I check the garden before it gets dark to ensure that there are no open shed doors or anything else that might fall or slam in the night. I always go out before bed and check that the garage door is shut, even though I know that it is. I sleep with my iPhone in my hand, and often have dd keep a phone next to her, too. Dd knows I get anxious, but she also knows that I know that it's irrational.

 

Although we have a house alarm, I don't set it, as my rational mind (and experience) says that it's more likely to go off for a false alarm than the real thing and I just don't think I could take the terror of a midnight false alarm, not to mention how it would affect the kids.

[Berta]

If calling the police or relying on an alarm system is your plan I'd call the non emergency number during the day and asking what the response time is to your address. Unless there's a random patrol car going by my home response time is more then ten minutes. In an emergency that's a lifetime.

 

My elderly MIL lives behind us (but on our property, one acre away) and the ambulance response time has been averaging 50 mins. The first time it was over an hour. She has a life alert button and that company has explicit directions to our house, yet they still can't find me and get here in less than 40 mins for a medical emergency.

 

When my daughter was bit by a dog, it took 1.5 hr for the police to come and make a report. In a true emergency I'd hope it would be sooner, but I'm not chancing it.

 

I know it's not very popular or PC, but an unloaded gun is just a paperweight. A locked up gun that you cannot access is useless. Get a gun safe that can be opened quickly and have it accessible to where you sleep. A few seconds delay might mean the difference between life and death.

[Meriwether]

I stay awake all night. Dh rarely travels. If he is gone 3 or more nights, I take t h e kids and visit family.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

can sort of relate-dh doesn't go out of town but if he's away from the house over night and I'm the one "in charge/on guard" LOL I don't like it....It's easier somewhat with us getting an alarm system but I'm still uneasy.....the first few weeks it's hard for me to get settled and sleep well at night.....it's hard-I didn't grow up with the father working at night or being away from home at night (except during hunting season LOL).....

[tammyw]

If calling the police or relying on an alarm system is your plan I'd call the non emergency number during the day and asking what the response time is to your address. Unless there's a random patrol car going by my home response time is more then ten minutes. In an emergency that's a lifetime.

 

I do rely on an alarm system. If a window or door is opened, the alarm is going to be very loud. Houses are practically on top of each other in our neighborhood. I highly doubt that if someone actually set off our very loud alarm, they'd press on, kwim? :)

 

Maybe it helps that we live in a very safe neighborhood. My guess is that most neighbors don't have an alarm at all, because nothing ever happens here.

 

My friend woke up to two people in her house, rummaging around to find stuff to take. If she'd had an alarm, I can guarantee they wouldn't have gone any further.

[-M-]

For all but two weeks of the summer before I graduated college, I lived alone in a large dormitory. You read that correctly: I was a twenty-year-old coed alone in a three-story, essentially unsecured (it was the eighties, after all) dormitory in a far corner of a mid-sized state university campus. Through a special arrangement with the dean of students, I remained in my academic year housing assignment right through to the following academic year while I worked two internship, one on-campus and one off. I left early in the morning and returned after seven. There was no food service, and I had only a tiny room fridge, so I ordered out a lot, which meant -- wait for it -- that many folks from town knew I was all alone in that dorm.

 

And yet...

 

Although there were a couple of moments there when I wondered about the safety of the arrangement, I actually thoroughly enjoyed myself.

 

Why is it, then, that when my husband travels, I am absolutely unable to sleep? [insert questioning shrug.] I've grown accustomed to his bulk, I guess. *wry grin*

 

To directly answer your question, "How do you handle a fear of being alone?" I'd say, not particularly well. Sigh. Not particularly well. At. All.

[Bensmom]

I think you may be quite mistaken about that. Even the friendliest dogs will very often become quite fierce when they feel that their families are being threatened.

I totally agree with catwoman. Our lab/shepherd mix is very quiet and super friendly, but we had an event several years ago where I answered the door to a "repairman" who pushed his way inside our home. My friendly, lovable dog jumped on him (paws on his shoulders), and was growling in his face. He started backing up, and backed right out the front door and ran away. I hadn't given a command (she is not trained as a guard dog) or said anything, she just sensed what was happening and acted.

 

Your dog will probably never be in a situation to be tested, but I'm betting he would protect his family!

[Alicia64]

I totally agree with catwoman. Our lab/shepherd mix is very quiet and super friendly, but we had an event several years ago where I answered the door to a "repairman" who pushed his way inside our home. My friendly, lovable dog jumped on him (paws on his shoulders), and was growling in his face. He started backing up, and backed right out the front door and ran away. I hadn't given a command (she is not trained as a guard dog) or said anything, she just sensed what was happening and acted.

 

Your dog will probably never be in a situation to be tested, but I'm betting he would protect his family!

 

Hi Everyone!!!

 

This thread is so huge -- I can't respond to everyone, but I've loved reading your responses and stories. Thank you so much. I don't feel like a complete a nut anymore and I'm essentially doing everything you've suggested.

 

I'll admit: I hadn't thought of leaving size 13 boots by the door. Good one!

 

A friend once told me that a police officer told her to leave a large dog bowl on the front or back porch. In other words, if you don't want to leave poop in your yard :lol: , leave remnants of "big dog life" around the outside of the house.

 

Bensmom: This story is awesome. Thank you! What a great dog mix: shepherd and lab. Super sweet, smart dog!

 

The dormitory story was dramatic too. Can't quite see myself staying in a huge dorm alone -- getting food delivered no less! Great story though.

 

I also loved the story where the mom woke up, heard men talking, swept the yard w/ her flashlight and scared the guys away from her neighbor's house. Great story.

 

Thank you everyone! Huge help! Oh, and I loved the Amy Poehler idea too!

 

Does anyone love Miranda Lambert too? She's made me less scared to look into the gun idea.

 

Thanks again!

 

Alley

[madteaparty]

I posted this very question a few months back when we moved to the country. I used to live in NYC and was used to people (and their noises)above, below, left and right.

A barking dog would help me immensely but I have a less than one year old boxer who could not care less who came and went. We are installing an alarm system. I considered guns but frankly that seemed extreme for someone like me who is not a hunter. I am thinking of taking up hunting however :) One of the posts to my thread suggested looking at crime stats. That oddly calmed me some. Most of the crime in our county is property crime, and I only care about life and limb.

[TammyinTN]

I've spent so much time alone it just doesn't both me.  (Dh is military) Things that helped me.

• got a dog that has a big bark
• good locks on the doors 
• got several new firearms and learned how to use them 
• moved to a neighborhood with 2 police officers our street and 5 different families with NRA stickers on their vehicles 
• I feel really safe here and never worry about being alone at night.

 

[madteaparty]

I'd also like to add that while I totally count on the false sense of security, DH being there would not help much I don;t think. Think of that family in CT.