If you have a daughter, please help me understand this (warning: long/controversial)

[Crimson Wife]

I always wanted at least one of each, but after I had that, I would be thrilled if all the rest were girls. I was very happy to find out that #3 was another DD.

 

I love DS dearly, but I have a hard time relating to him because I'm a girly-girl myself and I just don't understand how the male mind works. When he was a toddler, I thought he didn't like being read to- until I discovered that it was just he didn't like the books I was choosing. He didn't want to hear Make Way for Ducklings or The Tale of Peter Rabbit. No, he was only interested in hearing non-fiction books about trucks, trains, airplanes, etc. :tongue_smilie:

[Mommy22alyns]

Well, I wanted at least one little girl. When we found out Rebecca was a girl, I was so stunned I asked the u/s person if she was sure. But I was happy about it!

 

I will be brutally honest here and say that when we found out Sylvia was a girl, I was disappointed for a little while. I basically dreaded the teen years. I was (still am?) convinced that the girls would end up hating me and we'd have a terrible relationship. BUT I came around and would not trade Sylvia for anything. And I would NEVER ever tell her that I felt that way.

 

And if we were to have a third, I'd prefer a girl. That's gotten me crucified online too. :glare:

[Mommyof4ks]

I have not noticed the preference for boys. I wanted all girls, but I love my two boys just as much as my one daughter.

[NanceXToo]

I've never really noticed this unless it was because people already had one gender and were having what they thought was their last baby and really wanted to round their family out with the other gender.

[mcconnellboys]

I don't think I've really seen this sort of thing in my own personal experiences. In fact, my husband thought that he wanted a girl, and so did I. He grew up with a brother who never got along with anyone. I grew up with only a sister. Neither of us had any good experiences with boys.... I have friends who have only or mostly girls and none of them has ever expressed to me that they were regretful at any time about this....

[5sons]

Well I have 5 sons. Love everyone! But I have all my life wanted a daughter. Last year I got one:)

 

The comments used to be "are you going to try for the girl!!"

What is this "trying" business?

 

Now the comments are "Oh she'll never have a boyfriend" or "she'll be so spoiled!":glare:

 

You should have heard all of us in the sonogram room (yes all boys came to watch) when we found out it was a girl.

 

Funny but I do have a friend who has 5 girls and one boy!

 

I would love to have 4 or so more!! (girls please)

 

Kristen

[The Girls' Mom]

I'll admit, I really hoped for a boy with each pregnancy. Initially it was because I had no CLUE how I would relate to a girl. I grew up with a brother, I got along better with boys when I was younger, and I was a huge tomboy. My baby girl came, and I fell in love with her.

 

Then, by the time I became pregnant with the twins, there were 3 granddaughters in the family, and no boys. We hoped at least one would be a boy...just because we wanted a boy in the family too...nope it was two girls. There was some disappointment, but again, it completely disappeared after they were born. (FWIW, my SIL had a boy about 4 years later..the only boy in the family)

 

My girls know that I wouldn't trade them in for the world. And they know how afraid I was to raise a girl..:lol: It wasn't that I liked boys better....girls just scared me!

[Sandra in FL]

I'm Chinese and in the Chinese culture, boys are overwhelmingly favored. Since the one-child policy, many baby girls are left at orphanages where they are later adopted in other countries (when I go to Disney World, I see so many adopted Chinese girls). Eventually, I believe this will cause an imbalance in male/female ratio where there won't be enough females to go around. Even with that, some parents would probably still prefer the chance for the family name to be passed down than not having a wife for their son to marry.

 

We had a daughter, son, son - I wanted one of each and didn't care what the third was. I have 2 friends who adopted (not from China), and they chose girls instead of boys (because of the perception of girls being easier to raise - at least initially).

[sewingmama]

In my experience it is the opposite - people seem to want girls. Over and over again I've seen friends and others upset because they are having a boy.

 

When I had my U/S for my 3rd child I took the results to my doctor. He looked the U/S and said cautiously

 

Dr So, do you know what you are having?

Me Yes, a boy

Dr (again cautiously) and that's ok right -you already have a girl don't you?

Me I don't care what it is so long as you tell me he is healthy

DR (big sigh of relief) Oh yes - he looks great to me

Me - Well that's what I'm looking for

 

 

The way he was so hesitent and cautious in feeling me out on what I thought of the babies gender made me think he has had a lot of bad reactions from people having boys.

[In the Rain]

I would have been happy with either sex, but I really wanted a girl- and I got one. :001_smile: It seemed too good to be true, and I didn't really believe my wish had come true until after she was born, and they confirmed she was a girl. :lol: When we had an ultrasound for #2 and saw another girl, dh made a wild whoop/cheer kind of gesture. :lol: He said he would have loved a boy, but he really wanted another girl. I don't think either of us would have known what to do with a boy. :tongue_smilie:

[Heidi]

I think your observations are interesting. I wonder if nobody has seen the same is because you are seeing the initial reaction. After a few minutes, hours or days, they adjust and realize that a healthy baby is the important thing.

 

With us, DH wanted girls. Not sure why, but that is what he wanted. And adopting from China, girls are more abundant, but we won't go there right now.

 

 

I thiink this is true about initial reactions. I wanted a girl first. My dh wanted a boy first to pass his name on and to have a "buddy" to do all his boy things with. He enjoys our boy more than our girls for the same reason. Ds2 IS a lot of fun. Boys are so different! We love our kids the same.

However,I strongly sense from my own father (who is a pig) that I am not good enough bc im female. He idolizes his two sons. I also sense that he was disappointed in my girls, but immensly proud of my boy.

[weddell]

I secretly wanted a girl with my first. I mean, I would have been quite happy with a boy but I knew that I wanted at least one girl and that if I got one first I wouldn't have to worry about what the second one was. We have a girl and a boy and I really like both. I would never have really cared which we had and dh says he didn't either. We were really surprised when our second was a boy. Not in a bad way, just genuinely surprised! I guess I don't know how that came off to the ultrasound tech but it wasn't disappointment.

[8circles]

I've never been an ultra-sonographer, but I've had the 100% opposite experience.

 

I've never heard one nice thing from anyone about having boys, only disappointment.

 

I had no preference from the beginning but feel completely blessed to have 4 boys. I can't imagine having a girl would have felt any less joyful.

 

Seriously, you wouldn't believe some of the comments I've received/heard.

 

"I had to stop after 2 kids - I couldn't risk having another boy." That's a mild one.

[*Inna*]

Well, when I was pregnant with my youngest, people would ask if I know the gender of the baby. I'd tell, "It's a boy" and a lot of people would say, "oh, so you finally got your boy, huh?" (or something of the sort).

 

It always left me :001_huh:, esp. when people said that in front of my two daughters.

[Alicia64]

I haven't read all the pages -- just the OP's post.

 

I've seen the opposite. I have twin boys and I've had more than three various people say, "ohhhh, I bet you wish you had a girl."

 

I'm not easily offended by any means. . . I assume people have good hearts. . . but this attitude stayed with me.

 

I love my boys.

 

A.

[Sun]

I just asked a friend here who does ultrasounds, and she said that she has seen the exact opposite preference. In her experience, couples tend to seem happier about finding out they're having a girl. She said that the mothers in particular seem to be more likely to want a girl.

[2_girls_mommy]

I haven't seen this or felt this. But I do joke about not being able to have boys. It is truly joking. My mother had 4 girls. I had 3 girls. We joke that we don't make boys :) We tell my other sisters that don't have kids yet they should expect girls when they have kids (and one of my sisters recently adopted a girl, not a boy!) But it really is just joking around. I would have liked to have had a boy for my 2nd child at the time, just to raise one of each. But I wasn't disappointed at all. In fact I think it is nice to have two that share interests, clothes, toys, and still have their own different personalities.

 

And my dh really truly wanted another girl for our 2nd. We had no preference the first time. We were so happy and in love with our baby girl from the minute we found out we were having her. He loved her so much that he wanted another just like her. He dreamed about having another girl long before the ultrasound confirmed it, and he was happy that he was right. We definitely did not discuss all of this in the company of the stranger that was at the ultrasound doing it. Who knows what we may have said or joked about at the time. I may have even feigned disappointment in the fact that he was right... we tease each other a lot like that.

[Catherine]

but honestly, I've not encountered this preference that you describe. Maybe it's more accurate to say I've never perceived it myself.

 

In addition to hoping to raise "one of each" dh and I both wondered if a boy would be as close to us in our old age, but honestly, I see plenty of men who are very close to their elderly parents.

 

Sad to not have a girl, but lovin my guys to death...

[stephanier.1765]

To be honest, with my first pregnancy we did want a boy because my husband had been previously married and already had 3 girls. With the next 2 though, we wanted a girl. Of course we wanted them all to be healthy but having a little girl would have been so sweet and fun and pink. I still miss not having one and am eagerly looking forward to grandchildren (whatever the gender but buying pink is high on my lists of can't waits).

[Ellie]

I notice that, too. I don't know why it is. :glare:

 

Mr. Ellie and I were thrilled to death to have two daughters and haven't once wished for a son. I was beyond thrilled to know that our firstborn was a girl; we only thought we'd have two dc, and I did NOT want two sons. Having one of each would have been fine, but two sons would have been a nightmare for me.

 

So there you have it.

[Murmer]

In adoption girls are preferred to boys. It is always harder to place boys for adoption and many agencies don't let couples pick gender because of the imbalance.

[peachskittles]

Between my SO and I, we have 6 boys. Last year I welcomed my first daughter. Honestly, I was hoping for another boy. I read too much online, I see people's opinions of men and older teen males and my intial reaction was "If I die, she will be the lonliest little girl ever". BUT...I love her to pieces and am working on ensuring I live until she is at least 18 and safely out of the house. :lol: We want another daughter so she has a little sister but who knows if it will happen. I love babies, no matter what.

 

My sister wants a boy. She is very vocal that she would be sad if her first child is a girl. I'm not saying she wouldn't love her but she really, really wants a boy. I've gently told her that a healthy baby is the best thing, boy or girl. She agrees completely but she does still want a boy. :tongue_smilie:

[jennsmile]

I grew up with 3 brothers. DH grew up with 2 brothers and a sister.

 

I would gladly have a girl or even twin girls. I love my 3 boys but I secretly would love a girl. However at mostly I just want a safe delivery and healthy baby. I purposely don''t find out the gender as I could not handle being told you are having a girl and then deliver a boy. I have two close friends that were told girl and they had boys.

 

I was a military brat and lived all over. I am 31 and due next month with ????

[MinivanMom]

We had our first 3 children while living in the deep South and I will confess I heard some shockingly anti-girl comments in the ob-gyn office (especially down the sonogram hallway). It was a certain type of stereotypical southerner that made these comments . . . not lower-class, but southern-for-generations types. I did not encounter the same attitudes among my own friends (who were mainly transplants to that area). I have not encountered this attitude anywhere else. I think this is an attitude that exists only within a particular population.

 

I don't think that you are hearing this reaction just because you're a sonographer who hears people's first reactions. I suspect you've encountered the attitude because of the states you have lived and worked in (and perhaps even the type of population you worked with within that state). Maybe try a job in a more educated or western area, rather than Alabama. I think you'd find some very different reactions to the thrilling news that a girl is on the way. I find this "boys are best" attitude disgusting and I would have a hard time holding my tongue if a friend or family member expressed any of the things you're describing.

[Mom2absh]

We have 4 girls. I always wanted girls -I had no brothers and a useless father, so the idea of a son was always very intimidating. The main comment I have heard about boys vs. girls is that boys are "easier." I never really knew what that meant, but now that my girls are older, I suspect it has something to do with boys supposedly being less prone to drama and not fussing about their hair or clothes. (My dh is very prone to drama, though, so I think I would have a dramatic son anyway :glare:).

 

Being a mom of 4 girls is very trying/tiring, but I believe I will be very happy with who they become when they are grown. They TALK A LOT, and they cry over nonsense, and they fuss over clothes. Sometimes, I just need them to all be quiet for a while. But they are also kind-hearted, thoughtful, creative and interesting. I understand their thoughts and emotions, and we all get along pretty well. I wouldn't change anything, and I wouldn't have when we found out their genders, either.

 

I still don't think I would do well with a son - I think I would warp him by expecting him to be like a girl :).

 

And I don't think boys are "easier" - I think they are louder, messier, and less likely to use their words to communicate their emotions than girls :tongue_smilie:. They are easier to dress, though...

 

J, who is enjoying a rare moment of quiet right now

[Paige]

I have almost always lived in southern or near southern states and my experience has been the opposite. Most of my friends have wanted at least one girl and there's only been a few who have wanted boys who didn't already have a girl. I've had friends who tell me, who has a son, that they are soooo happy they never had a boy. I think it's rude. It's usually said with a nasty tone as if boys are so horrible. I hear it over and over. I love my son and I always wanted one of each. I was torn with my first child with whether I wanted a boy or girl but I always wanted both. If I were to get pregnant again, I'd want another girl just for practical reasons. My DS is the oldest so most of our baby boy stuff is gone while we still have tons of baby girl stuff.

[PeacefulChaos]

It's interesting to me that most men WANT a little repeat of themselves (same gender child). Why don't women WANT this in the same numbers? (Meaning that if I had to guess I'd say 8 out of 10 men want a male and maybe 2 out of 10 women want a female). What I've seen, most people around here desire even numbers. a boy and a girl/2 and 2/ etc. I know that my DH wanted a girl. There's the thought of 'big brother protecting little sister' that often plays into older brothers being considered desirable, etc. And there is always the whole 'family name' thing, but I don't know if that really comes into play any more.

Why is this the case?

Anyone else on here experience a sense of dread over having a daughter?

See my story, below.

Maybe it's just before they get here (while they're in utero)....but I'd love to hear your thoughts/experiences.

My friend's explanation (which I haven't shared here as I don't want to bias the responses....I'll share it later on here) was very interesting and I wondered if it was shared by others.

Why do you think that so many AMERICAN women feel this way?

Well, its the opposite that I usually see. :) Here it seems like so many women in particular want girls. They don't really want boys - they say weird things like they don't know what to do with them. They want little girls to dress up and have tea parties with (though not all girls even go for that sort of thing!) One lady I know was lamenting that she had two boys - she said she just never could have imagined herself as the mom of two boys. She said she always pictured herself having tea parties and the like.

It sickened me. Get over yourself, lady. :glare:

We have 2 boys and 1 girl. When we found out we were pregnant with a boy the first time, we were happy, everyone was happy, etc. I didn't care what we had. DH didn't care what we had. But the odds were (supposedly - Idk what genetics play into it, but he's 1 of 4 boys and he only has 3 female cousins out of 14, etc) that it would be a boy, and no one was surprised. When we found out DS6 was a boy, we were happy, the family was happy, and everyone else was like, 'oohh. Another boy...' in this disappointed type voice. :confused: I don't know why two of the same gender is something to be disappointed about. The same thing happened to my SIL with her second boy - lots of reactions that were like, 'oh, another boy, I'm sorry.' What the heck????

That just p*sses me off.

So then enter our last pregnancy. People would ask us, 'Thought you'd try again for that girl, eh?' I was furious. Would I like to have a girl? Sure. DH was the one who really wanted a girl, but I wanted to fix her hair :lol: (and then ended up with DD's hair...no really, I wanted a girl for lots of reasons) but I wouldn't have had another baby if it was just because we 'wanted a girl'. That's stupid. It ticked me off that people had to assume that we would only have more children because we had some idea in our heads that we needed more gender equality in our home or something. (I still get incensed just thinking about it). So then it was a girl. People. were. nuts. 'Oh my goodness! That's wonderful! You are FINALLY getting your girl!'

I was livid. I cried about having a girl. I saw the way girls are treated like they are better than boys. More desirable as children than boys. I was so angry. (Mind you, I have 1 sil who said 'Boys can't hit girls, but girls can hit boys.' :mad: And other family members/friends who are of the persuasion that girls are much more precious than boys are. Not even kidding.) So yes, I was ticked. Did I want a girl, honestly? Yes. But I was so mad about all that went with it. Everyone talked about how she would be so spoiled, being the only girl (and 1 of 3 granddaughters out of 12 grandkids on DH's side). So from that angle, I hated the idea. I don't like brats, and I've seen a lot of little girls around here grow into brats because of the way they've been treated. I didn't want people to act like my little girl was more special than my two boys and make her into a selfish, entitled brat. It was illogical, but I was pregnant. :D

Obviously, inside I was still excited to have a girl. But I was (and still am) very adamant about telling people how I felt (I also am quick to say if I could choose, I would have more boys than girls in a heartbeat. But I can't choose, so its a moot point, and I don't know what I'd really choose. I just say it to prove a point :lol: ). We adore DD, and yes, she's our princess. But she's no more valued than her older brothers are.

A lot of this mindset here has my SIL feeling the same way I did. She says she doesn't want a girl. I know she does, she just doesn't like the way boys are treated as second class offspring.

So anyway, that's our story - we haven't had the experience here that you speak of.

ETA: As far as our first reaction...the u/s tech said DD was a girl and I was hesitant to believe her lol. DH actually didn't. He thought she was guessing. When she said it again in another minute or so (after getting REALLY clear pics) he was like, 'What? Really?' :D

Edited January 6, 2012 by PeacefulChaos

[HappyCrazyMama]

I have only seen it once and that was recently. My dh's coworker and his wife are expecting their second, their first was a boy and he was adamant they were not going to have a girl (not that I know what he thought he would do about it :001_rolleyes:) but lucky him the ultrasound said boy.

 

We have been thrilled with both but all were surprises but the last, I wanted to do something different.:D It was a girl and good thing because one of my middle daughters said she was going to cry if they said it was a boy.:tongue_smilie:

[hmvaughan4]

I can see where my dad treats my boys differently than my brother's girls. The grandkids are: Niece9, Niece7, DS5, Nephew 4, Nephew4, DS2. Once DS5 came along, there was a obvious difference in how my dad treated the kids. But once my brother had twins, DS was already the "favorite" so the line was set. My dad was rather upset after my brother had two girls (my brother is the last to carry on our family name, my nephews were complete surprises). Everyone in my dad's family wanted my brother to have boys. It was pretty sad in the difference. Luckily, it caused no problems between my brother and I.

[Alice]

Not sure about the generalizations. I wanted a boy when I was pregnant with my first because I was a bit scared of the idea of having a girl. I have a somewhat troubled relationship with my own mother and I think the mother-daughter relationship scared me. With my second I wanted a boy because I liked the idea of two brothers and I think I was still scared of a girl. With my third I would have told you I didn't care but when they said "it's a girl" (we don't find out ahead of time so it was in the delivery room) I was overwhelmed with joy. At the same time, I was also really annoyed by all the "trying for a girl" comments when I was pregnant with #3 and all the "oh, I guess you're done now that you've got your girl" comments after she was born. It almost made me want to have a 4th just to prove that I wasn't just trying to "get" a girl. Almost. :)

 

For what it's worth, dh wanted a girl from the beginning. He loves our boys dearly but I think he was even happier than I when we had a daughter.

 

I'll also say for us that while we both had slight preferences I think no matter how our family had ended up we would have looked back and felt like it was perfect and the way God intended it to be.

[Guest]

I honestly cannot think of ONE example of a woman I have known (and I know many women) of where she DESIRED to bear a girl.

 

I'm late to the party, but this OP is the most bizarrely different from my experience I think I have EVER read (except for that one about male breastfeeding, but I digress). I cannot think of any instance similar except in families where they were having their fourth or fifth girl. Speaking for myself, I have always wanted a couple of each gender and deeply, badly, totally, a zillion percent would love to have one or two more GIRLS. I would be happy and thankful to have another healthy boy, but if I had Alladin's lamp, I would use two of the three wishes for BABY GIRLS!!!

 

I have seen WAY more instances of women being heartbroken at having zero daughters, only boys, or in a few cases, only one daughter but a couple of boys.

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

I haven't noticed this. So many people asked me what I was having when pregnant with #3. I almost dreaded telling them it was another boy... people seemed to pity me. And EVERYONE asked me with #4, and EVERYONE (complete strangers) REJOICED when they heard I was having a girl.

 

I was one of three girls (no boys). If I had been totally honest, in the beginning I would have prefered all girls. I LOVE and adore my boys, but there certainly was a sense of loss when I didn't have a girl that I don't think I would have felt if I hadn't had a boy. And then God gave me a girl when we weren't planning for more kids.

[gardenmom5]

my grandmother was one of 10 girls (NO boys), on a farm no less. in the 'naughts, and 'teens. so I can sort of undertand her preference for boys, but it did originate with her farmer father. (the days when sons with strong backs were wanted to work the farm) then my mother was an only child. Honestly, I think my grandmother had a stronger preferance for boys than my grandfather. I'm sure it was midwest rural farm attitude there.

 

with 1dd, dh didn't care, he was just so happy to be a dad. I wanted a girl, but a boy would have been okay. I guess.

with 2dd - I *REALLY* wanted a girl. I was convinced it was a boy, because you never get what you want. but since you can't send them back, I needed to adjust to it being a boy. dh thought a girl would be nice, but again didn't really have a preferance. (we had no plans to stop at two.) After she was born, it did take me time getting used to her being a girl - but it was because I was so surprised I got what I wanted!

 

I'd had a very strong impression that I would have two sons before either were conceived, so that was basically taken for granted with the next two, and anything else never entered my head.

 

I thought dudeling was a girl. 1ds was expressing a preferance for a sister for the first half of my pregnancy, then he said he wanted a brother. this was the one that of required so many US because of my health concerns. he was quite uncooperative, and only at the very last minute on a 15wk US did he face the doppler, and even then they weren't quite sure of the view. I was actually in shock, and only through subsequent US was I accepting it was a boy. It's the only time I was told via US, and I'm really glad I was.

 

obtw: when sil had her frist baby, and was told it was a boy her response was: (seriously!) But I don't have a name for a boy!:lol: she then had three girls.

 

eta: I'm sure attitudes vary by location.

Edited January 6, 2012 by gardenmom5

[cathmom]

My oldest sister was disappointed that my first was a boy, because she loves to shop and girl clothes are much cuter (in her opinion) than boy clothes.

[Joker]

Most of my friends have all boys and are envious of me with two girls. So, I've actually heard the opposite. I hoped for a girl first and was elated when it happened. I had no gender preference for my second.

[GailV]

Most of my friends have all boys and are envious of me with two girls. So, I've actually heard the opposite. I hoped for a girl first and was elated when it happened. I had no gender preference for my second.

:iagree:

I wanted a girl first, as did dh. It never crossed my mind before now that others would think differently, or there would be a trend one way or another. Then again, I'm not known for having a clue about what's popular and trendy. I'll just go back under my rock now ....

[Audrey]

I thought I wanted a girl and really hoped it was a girl because I had absolutely no experience with newborns and very, very little experience with babies and toddlers. I figured I could manage a girl because I was a girl. Of course, I was just glad ds was born alive, but I remember thinking "what the HECK do I do with a little boy???"

 

I am now glad to have had a boy, and sure I would never want to have a girl. It's not really because I had one boy, or any thoughts of having a boy being better than having a girl, but I have more experience around kids now. Plus, I once was a girl. I wouldn't really wish that on anyone, let alone my own child. I think being a girl, in general, sucks. There is very little about my gender that I find so wonderful. Equality being what it is, both boys and girls can aspire to anything these days, but the hard fact is that life is easier if you're male. You get farther, faster as a male. Physically, it's like a freakin' cake walk compared to being female. If I could have pre-picked my own gender, it would NOT have been female.

 

Girls get objectified, abused, raped, molested, harrassed, used, manipulated, degraded and subjugated. They get periods, pregnancies, miscarriages, painful births, uterine prolapses, perineal tearing, ovarian cancer and mastectomies. Yes... some of these things and other unpleasant things happen to boys, too, but as women, we know these horrors. We know it in our bones. It's drilled into us in our upbringings. Sometimes we've already lived some of them. Who wants that for their child?

 

I have seen other women disappointed to have girls instead of boys, and I often wonder if it is because a part of them knows how d*mn rough it is to be a girl.

Edited January 6, 2012 by Audrey

[TravelingChris]

I had a boy, then two girls. No dread about any of them. I heard that in the US, more people want girls than boys. It is opposite of China and India. It seems to be because people think girls are easier to raise. I haven't found that to be the case but that is what some people think.

[T'smom]

I can't help you understand because I have never encountered that. I did witness a friend telling a pregnant woman that she prayed for her to have a girl, because she already had a boy and to have a boy first and a girl second was to have the perfect family. She turned to me and said 'Isn't that right?' (I have a boy and then a girl) I was literally speechless. I just looked at her with my mouth hanging open. My sil just had a girl after 2 boys and I was shocked at how many people gushed that she "FINALLY" had a girl. They acted like she had 7 boys already?!?!? :001_huh:

 

I'll admit that I really, really wanted at least one of each gender. But if I had ended up with all girls I would have been happier than if I had ended up with all boys. I desperately wanted at least one girl. And now that I have her, I can genuinely say that it doesn't matter to me what the next one is (or the one after that!).

 

I'll also admit that I was disappointed at the u/s with my first that he was a boy. (but I tried not to let anyone know that) My mom was also disappointed even though she tried very hard to not let it show.

 

My in-laws genuinely don't seem to care about gender, but they are vocally disappointed that no one has had twins yet.

 

If I had to guess, I would guess that most women want girls- or at least one girl. Girls (generally speaking) are so much closer to their parents as adults than boys. My parents know EVERYTHING that is going on in my life. My in-laws only know what I tell them- dh will call them, but he just doesn't share very much. I still need my mom. I want my mom. I know that's not true of my dh or his brothers or my brother. If it wasn't for the women in the family, everyone would kindof drift away from each other.

[5forMe]

I didn't read all of the responses but I totally get where the OP is coming from. I live in the Mid-Atlantic region with a family background of farming. My mother was the youngest of five children, three of them being girls. My grandmother apparently made comments my mother's entire life about how she was so disappointed that my mom was a girl. My grandmother often told a story that as soon as my mother was born she offered to give her to her SIL because she "didn't want another girl".

 

Well, fast forward to my mother having me, her first child (at age 18, just graduated high school, being shunned by her holier than thou mother and sisters until the shot gun wedding). This was 1970. She didn't have U/S so my mom had no idea I was a girl and in fact she was certain I was a boy and desperately hoping for a boy....She and my father were disappointed when I was born.

 

My father and mother had a difficult marriage. They waited six and half years to have another child and then came my brother ON MY FATHER'S BIRTHDAY. I remember my mother saying "he'll never leave me now, I have his son and on his birthday even". Well guess what? He left anyway, when my little brother was only four years old.

 

Fast forward to my first born...a son. My mother was delighted and made some remark about my DH "must be thrilled". I said "yes, he is thrilled that the baby is HEALTHY". Two years later when I was pregnant with my daughter, we called to tell my Mom that the baby in utero was a girl, her first words were "Is ***** (DH's name) okay with that?"....:001_huh:

 

I have a very strained relationship with my mother. As I type this though, I realize that I feel very sorry for her.

[lauracolumbus]

I haven't had a chance to read any of the other posts (b/c I'm committed to doing the 52 books challenge and have to seriously cut down my time here), but I had to respond.

 

I think your generalization is generally accurate in my experience. However, as it is more likely that the daughters will take care of the parents in their old age, I believe the joke is on them.

 

I do know some who actually prefer girls--my sister being one of them. She knew she only wanted one child and really wanted it to be a girl as she thought they were easier--and hers is.

 

I also have known woman who wanted girls b/c they love the whole dress up aspect and love having a mini-me.

 

Laura

[jennynd]

My sister and I were the only 2 grand daughters my grandmom has. talking about feeling it. She had other 9 grandson. My sister and I never felt the love.

When I preg with my 1st, I was disappointed that I have a boy. I really really want a girl. And now I have one of each. It just perfect. My sister has 2 boys. She is quite jealous of me

[zaichiki]

I haven't noticed this preference at all

 

:iagree: Although I also want to add that I have seen families with multiple boys wanting girls and vice versa. I have a friend who says she doesn't want a girl (after many boys) for a few reasons

a) She really really wants one but is afraid she'll embrace the desire and then be sorely disappointed not to have one

b) They have all boys' toys and clothes already.

c) There is also a strong "macho" culture in the family. She's worried that the girl will be overwhelmed and marginalized OR cooed over way too much (for being the only girl).

 

She *does* want one, but she won't tell that to hardly anyone. In fact, she'll laugh it off when asked, and reply that she doesn't want a girl. She'll also sometimes come off very strongly as NOT wanting a girl. It's a defense mechanism.

 

(I wished for a curly, red-headed girl from my very first pregnancy. I got a boy first, but I was not disappointed b/c we bonded very strongly and I was just in love with him. My second pregnancy gave me that red-headed girl. After having one girl and one boy, I didn't have an overt preference. Honestly, though, my girl was SO MUCH EASIER as a toddler, that I did kinda want more of them. I ended up with one more of each. And I adore all of them.)

 

ETA: One of my grandmothers had 5 boys, but had a girl's name ready for each one of them. She was thrilled that all of her grandchildren (for a long time, but not ULTIMATELY) were girls! I remember her telling me over and over that my uncle was supposed to be an Allison. LOL!

Edited January 6, 2012 by zaichiki

[mlbuchina]

Ditto.

 

The only time I've ever heard a parent express disappointment is about NOT having had one child of the opposite gender (as in they had ALL boys or ALL girls).

 

As for reasons, I suppose most people would like to have at least one son to carry on the family name.

 

This is me. I LOVE both my girls, and I was happy about them while carrying them. There is only one boy on my husbands side that will carry on his name at this time. If there are no other boys, and if this boy doesn't have any sons, this branch of the family will have died out, so to speak. Hey, I wonder if we can sign up for some kind of "endangered families" benefits?:tongue_smilie::D:lol:

[Impish]

I had b,g,b,g,b.

 

I 'knew', long before I was even pregnant, what the next child would be.

 

I was nervous about having a girl, since I grew up w/3 brothers, and babysat mainly boys. My relationship w/my mother has always been difficult, and that worried me too.

 

I wanted my dds, but was worried about screwing up parenting them I had no role model of how to parent a dd in a positive way.

[happypamama]

I really wanted a girl the first time. I knew I wanted a son someday too, and I'd have been fine with a boy first, but I really was glad that our first was a girl. Mostly, I'm just thrilled that we have been able to have several children, and I always wanted to experience raising both genders, so I am so thankful for the opportunity to do so. I knew I'd love having a daughter; she's girly and likes pink and all of that fun stuff, but she's also always up for a get-dirty adventure, so that was a great introduction to fatherhood for DH too, realizing that he didn't have to treat her like a china doll. I figured having a boy someday would be fun, not just because I wanted DH to have a son, but because I thought it would be interesting to be a mom of a son. Well, the single most amazing and surprising thing I have experienced in my life is just how much I would like having my own little boys. Truly, I was unprepared for that. :) I adore my three little guys so much!

 

I would not be too upset to have another little boy someday (except that I am out of names, LOL), aside from the fact that I would like to experience the pink and dresses and everything once more, and I would love for DD to have a sister. It's not that I wouldn't want another boy; it's more that another boy would mean not having another girl. I'd be thrilled to have another boy, but I'd have to grieve the loss of a girl, if that makes sense.

 

But I've not seen a strong preference for boys over girls. Most moms seem to want at least one girl, and it seems that a lot of dads want at least one son. But my DH (after calling up all of his friends with boys and telling them to keep their sons locked up), the day DD was born, said, "every daddy needs his own little girl." :)

[Aunty Social]

.

[Desert Rat]

I have 2 boys. I was disappointed when I found out I was having boy #2. I had dreams I was having a girl. I wanted a "matched set". Now, I can't imagine raising a girl. I love my boys. I've always preferred boys. When I babysat as a teenager, several friends and I would switch jobs according to schedules, personalities, etc. They were always happy to give me the boy jobs and I was happy to have them.

I must say, that I do like boys better. I always wanted a 3rd baby and never in my daydreams was that child a girl.

I don't know why. I have all girl cousins (9) on my mom's side. My brother is the only boy. On my dad's side I have 10 boy cousins and 3 girls. Dh's family is almost all boys.

Never really thought much of generalized preferences. I must say that personally I feel a little sad at first for families who have one child by choice and that child is a girl. (No offense! And I never say anything to them and I'm very excited with every single baby my friends/family have!) It might have something to do with carrying on the last name. My boys are the last in my dh's family with our last name. If the have no boys, that name will die with them. Lots to think about!

[rwjx2khsmj]

I'm the oldest of five girls and growing up I heard the "I hope you're finally going to get your boy this time" comment when my mother was pregnant with each of my siblings. My parents weren't "trying" for a boy but everyone else thought they were or put that desire upon our family. The idea that boys were better than girls wasn't the opinion of my parents but we were constantly bombarded with it.

 

My grandfather (maternal) had a definite preference for the boys in our family.

 

When I was pregnant with my second, I heard the "are you hoping for a boy?" question repeatedly. With the fourth, a girl, I heard "aren't you disappointed you won't have two of each?".

 

I was thrilled to be having girls or a boy. I was especially excited to have a girl first. I felt like I knew something about girls. Really, with each of my pregnancies, I was just happy to be having healthy babies and carrying them to term.

[butterflymommy]

Specifically to the OP... I think many women have pressure on them from family (husband/ in laws/ parents) to produce a boy. And how people react at the moment of being told the gender, in the unfamiliar surrounding of a medical office, might not be truly indicative of how they feel. I know many women who desperately wanted a girl but got a boy. So the "bad reaction" during the sonogram could be based on family gender preference.