If you have a daughter, please help me understand this (warning: long/controversial)

[linguistmama]

In our area it is common for people to expect that you want a child of the opposite sex if you have 2 or more of the same sex. We're having 3 girls and have been asked if we'll try for a boy later. But the same thing happens to a friend of mine who has 3 boys, of course they must be trying for a girl next time! :glare: My friend is done having children just like we will be this month. :) My only consolation hearing comments about wanting a boy are that if we had 3 boys it would be assumed we wanted a girl, girls aren't really seen as inferior.

[PinkInTheBlue]

I have experienced the exact opposite in my family and friends. The grandparents were so disappointed our third was a boy that they had the nerve to actually express it. (insert furious mom face here) My brother's wife is expecting their third boy and they are so disappointed that they have proclaimed "No more pregnancies. We are going to adopt a girl next so we don't risk another boy." (insert another furious mom face)

 

Super hot button conversation for me. Every time it comes up in the extended family I literally have to try and think of something else because I get so hot!

[BamaTanya]

 

I suspect you've encountered the attitude because of the states you have lived and worked in (and perhaps even the type of population you worked with within that state). Maybe try a job in a more educated or western area, rather than Alabama.

 

Ouch. :001_huh:

 

(BamaTanya = Tanya in Alabama)

[Ester Maria]

I have encountered that attitude, yes. However, I must be an "anomaly" in that I really hoped I would have girls (and I do! three! :D) and actually prayed I do not have boys!

[Joker]

Ouch. :001_huh:

 

(BamaTanya = Tanya in Alabama)

 

:iagree: I don't get those comments. I am a life long southerner (who always wanted girls) and my friends are southern (who are envious of my having girls). I don't see how this as an uneducated, southern thang. ;)

[Natalieclare]

Since you are not revealing your friend's reasoning until later, I'm going to post my thoughts before I read any of the thread.

 

My first two children are daughters, and I was completely thrilled with that arrangement. I had no brothers, no close boy cousins and the thought of having a boy made me so nervous. Boys were so....other. So foreign. I wanted to start out my parenting (which was all so alien) with at least a little familiarity. So, I was glad my first two were girls.

 

That being said, I was equally delighted when my third child turned out to be a boy. I felt I had some parenting miles under my belt and that having a boy might not be as scary as I thought it would be. I am so delighted that I have been able to experience the raising of both boys and girls.

[Mama Anna]

I remember that at our first dd's U/S (done by an Asian Indian in Nairobi, Kenya), when we expressed delight at having a girl (he almost refused to tell us her sex) the technician was pretty wowed. I was privately convinced our second would be a boy, so I was surprised to find out another dd was on the way - not unhappy, though. Then, for our 3rd, I was frankly somewhat disappointed. I knew she would be our last and I had to grieve a bit over not having a son. The technician probably thought I was a bit distressed, but I was fine in a day or so. I do remember apologizing to dh on the way home from the appointment, though. "In roughly 13 years, you're going to have three hormonal teenage daughters and a possibly menopausal wife under your roof at the same time. I'll apologize now, just to get it out of the way!"

 

It is nice to have all our toys/activities oriented in one direction - very convenient! However, having heard that daughters often have a special bond with their fathers and sons with their mothers, I do sometimes regret that I don't have a son as well. But then, if God wants us to adopt, we can always change that!

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

Mama Anna

[catz]

Honestly, in the educated women I know, I would say most of them want a girl if they could pick. When I had my first ultrasound with my first child (a boy), one of the nurses was pregnant with her first and she told us she was so glad it was a girl. I thought that was really weird thing to say to someone who just found out they were having a boy!? I find myself recoiling when people start expressing preference for a girl.

 

Also, both my grandmothers (my kids great grandmothers that are now deceased) had a preference for GIRLS and they expressed it loudly. My one grandma kept saying when I was pregnant with my first she was praying for a girl.

 

(I'm in the urban, upper mid-west)

Edited January 6, 2012 by kck

[BethG]

I didn't read all of the responses but I totally get where the OP is coming from. I live in the Mid-Atlantic region with a family background of farming. My mother was the youngest of five children, three of them being girls. My grandmother apparently made comments my mother's entire life about how she was so disappointed that my mom was a girl. My grandmother often told a story that as soon as my mother was born she offered to give her to her SIL because she "didn't want another girl".

 

Well, fast forward to my mother having me, her first child (at age 18, just graduated high school, being shunned by her holier than thou mother and sisters until the shot gun wedding). This was 1970. She didn't have U/S so my mom had no idea I was a girl and in fact she was certain I was a boy and desperately hoping for a boy....She and my father were disappointed when I was born.

 

My father and mother had a difficult marriage. They waited six and half years to have another child and then came my brother ON MY FATHER'S BIRTHDAY. I remember my mother saying "he'll never leave me now, I have his son and on his birthday even". Well guess what? He left anyway, when my little brother was only four years old.

 

Fast forward to my first born...a son. My mother was delighted and made some remark about my DH "must be thrilled". I said "yes, he is thrilled that the baby is HEALTHY". Two years later when I was pregnant with my daughter, we called to tell my Mom that the baby in utero was a girl, her first words were "Is ***** (DH's name) okay with that?"....:001_huh:

 

I have a very strained relationship with my mother. As I type this though, I realize that I feel very sorry for her.

 

Its me, the OP here.

 

I was beginning to doubt my sanity after reading this thread as my experiences seem to be in the minority. This has FLOORED me how few of the responders have experienced what is so commonplace in this area.

 

The above post is exactly the sort of stuff I hear in my area. It's as if they STILL have the 500 acre farm and need boys to hand-hew the logs, etc.

 

I referred to a friend's interesting admission regarding her reason for dreading having a daughter. Here's what she said,

"with girls you have to face your own demons and look them in the face daily.....you will want her to avoid the areas in your life that caused you pain and to steer her away from them you have to think of them often and see where she's heading down that path and you have to rehash/relive your own pain at times to get her to avoid the pitfalls you landed in....I anticipate that it will be like you're trying to teach her to avoid becoming you and that hurts....."

 

(FWIW, this friend has suffered with an eating disorder for years.)

 

I thought her words were interesting and wondered if anyone else felt that way.

 

Thanks to all.....now I'm off to read more posts......

[Rhonda in TX]

Oh, please. I think this is a bit ridiculous. DH really wanted a girl first and said he was actually a bit disappointed when DS was born (we didn't find out early). That changed as soon as he held him the first time, but still. We were thrilled when DD came along. DH, who insisted he didn't want a 3rd child, told me later that if she had been a boy, he would have been willing to have another in order to try for a girl.

[Twilight Woods]

very interesting topic!

 

With my first we did not know what we were having. Baby ended up being a boy. DH was thrilled and so was I. I wanted all boys. I had no interest in girls and had that mindset since I was young.

 

When we had our second we did not know what we were having either. At this point we wanted a HEALTHY child as our first was born with a heart defect and was dying. When I delivered and the Dr proclaimed it was a "girl" I was happy but more concerned that she was ok. DH looked at me and said "what are we suppose to do with a girl?" LOL.

 

Our 3rd was also a girl. We found out the sex at an ultrasound. DH and I were both disappointed bc our son had since passed and we really wanted another boy.

[mom2jjka]

I love my girls, but I admit, when we had our ultrasound and found out that that our 4th baby was another girl I was a bit disappointed...not for myself, but for my son - as he wanted a brother SO badly, and we knew that this would be our last child.

 

We love her to pieces though, and turns out...she's a perfect fit for our family. God knew exactly what He was doing. ;)

[StartingOver]

I wanted a daughter, while everyone else in my family wanted a son when I was pregnant with my first child. After that I was happy the last 4, 3 boys and 2 girls total. I have never noticed much of a boy preference. I can understand why some women would want a boy, they are momma's boys. And men would want little replicas of themselves. Daughters are tough, they can chew you up and spit you out when they are teens. They are daddy's girls for the most part, at least in my experiences. My older daughter has caused me tons more pain than either of my older sons have.

[8circles]

I caan definitely relate to yourit friends feelings about having a girl.

Its me, the OP here.

 

I was beginning to doubt my sanity after reading this thread as my experiences seem to be in the minority. This has FLOORED me how few of the responders have experienced what is so commonplace in this area.

 

The above post is exactly the sort of stuff I hear in my area. It's as if they STILL have the 500 acre farm and need boys to hand-hew the logs, etc.

 

I referred to a friend's interesting admission regarding her reason for dreading having a daughter. Here's what she said,

"with girls you have to face your own demons and look them in the face daily.....you will want her to avoid the areas in your life that caused you pain and to steer her away from them you have to think of them often and see where she's heading down that path and you have to rehash/relive your own pain at times to get her to avoid the pitfalls you landed in....I anticipate that it will be like you're trying to teach her to avoid becoming you and that hurts....."

 

(FWIW, this friend has suffered with an eating disorder for years.)

 

I thought her words were interesting and wondered if anyone else felt that way.

 

Thanks to all.....now I'm off to read more posts......

[mdmurray]

I always wanted a daughter. My mom and I were and still are close and I wanted that mother/daughter relationship for myself. My first born is a girl. When I got pregnant 4 years later I wanted another daughter...I never had a sister so thought my daughter should. I TOLD people I was ok with having a boy since I had one girl but I really, really wanted another girl. And, that is what I got. I guess I am the exception to your rule. :001_smile:

[oneddmanybooks]

I've never had a job doing ultrasounds but my personal experience of 48 years has never shown a preference for boys from any of my family or friends who were American. So I wouldn't have any idea why or even if this is true.

 

I agree (with the exception of one person that I know, who did have a preference).

[T'smom]

Just wanted to add that while I can kinda/sorta see why a man would want a boy to carry on the family name......I don't really care much if dh's family name is carried on. I cared even less when I was pregnant the first time- I had only had the name for a couple years- I didn't feel a strong attachment to it. I'm a little more attached to it now, but still......

Weirdly, my sister is a little anal about our maiden name (well, my maiden name- it's still hers, she kept it after getting married). She even gave it to her son as a middle name, and it's a weird name. We have a brother and two male cousins that will presumably pass on our family name, though they don't have kids yet, there's no reason to assume they won't.

[Joanne]

I haven't noticed this preference at all, except in families where they already have two or three girls. I'm 31 and live in Texas, if that helps.

 

Ditto, except I am 15 years older.

[Mommy22alyns]

Its me, the OP here.

 

I was beginning to doubt my sanity after reading this thread as my experiences seem to be in the minority. This has FLOORED me how few of the responders have experienced what is so commonplace in this area.

 

The above post is exactly the sort of stuff I hear in my area. It's as if they STILL have the 500 acre farm and need boys to hand-hew the logs, etc.

 

I referred to a friend's interesting admission regarding her reason for dreading having a daughter. Here's what she said,

"with girls you have to face your own demons and look them in the face daily.....you will want her to avoid the areas in your life that caused you pain and to steer her away from them you have to think of them often and see where she's heading down that path and you have to rehash/relive your own pain at times to get her to avoid the pitfalls you landed in....I anticipate that it will be like you're trying to teach her to avoid becoming you and that hurts....."

 

(FWIW, this friend has suffered with an eating disorder for years.)

 

I thought her words were interesting and wondered if anyone else felt that way.

 

Thanks to all.....now I'm off to read more posts......

 

Oh gosh... this is making me teary eyed because it is so true. I of course want the best for my girls, but I have had and continue to have problem after problem... It is so hard.

[KatDilan]

Well, I confess I wanted boys not because I wanted boys so much as I was a little worried about having girlie girls. Much to my mother's chagrin (she surely wanted girls and wouldn't have known what to do with a boy to save her life) I was a big time tomboy. Barbies and pink and dress up etc just never appealed to me.

 

My fear was that, if I had a girlie girl, I wouldn't be able to relate with her. I would never want to change her or make her be someone or something she wasn't, but what if she just felt like I didn't "get" her, or worse, like her, because she was different from me? I always felt my mother's disappointment, and would never want to put that on a beloved daughter just because she decides she likes make-up or some such.

 

In the end I had my boy, followed by two pink loving, doll toting, tomboys! Lol! Instead of putting distance between us, our differences draw us into new interests and adventures together.

 

Anywho, that's my story.

[readinmom]

After our two ds, someone exclaimed, "You finally got your girl!" Okay...

 

She is my dear shadow, my reading buddy, my everything! People say some weird things sometimes. Now, if they would just offer to help pay for the cost of schooling...

[Scuff]

With my first, I wanted a boy because I always wanted an older brother and so wanted an older brother for my daughters. With #2 I desperately wanted a girl. With #4, we all thought she'd be a boy. The kids wanted it to be even and have another brother. There was clear surprise and disappointment at the ultrasound. But we all got over it quickly :D This time I'm hoping for a girl just cause it'd be easier logistically. We'll see.

 

Personal experience, people seem to always want girls.

[Mommy22alyns]

In our area it is common for people to expect that you want a child of the opposite sex if you have 2 or more of the same sex. We're having 3 girls and have been asked if we'll try for a boy later. But the same thing happens to a friend of mine who has 3 boys, of course they must be trying for a girl next time! :glare: My friend is done having children just like we will be this month. :) My only consolation hearing comments about wanting a boy are that if we had 3 boys it would be assumed we wanted a girl, girls aren't really seen as inferior.

 

I'm not sure if it's an area thing or if it happens everywhere, but I had someone ask me (when Sylvia was a newborn!) if we were going to "try for a boy." No... my life is perfectly fine with kids of a single gender. I hate when people try to insinuate that, either way.

[Ali in OR]

As others have posted, I have known many, many women who wanted a daughter, but I can't think of any who expressed a desire to have a son. We have three girls, and I can remember when I was pregnant with #3, other people would ask if we were hoping for a boy (we didn't know baby's gender). We would answer that actually we liked girls. We knew girls. We had all of the stuff for a girl. Of course we would be happy with whatever God gave us, but we would love to have a third girl. And we got our third girl.

 

This also reminds me of when I was pregnant with baby #2. Our oldest has a severe birth defect and we had several ultrasounds to see if baby #2 would have the same issues. It irritated me to no end that people kept asking about baby's gender, because for us that was not at all what an ultrasound was for. It was very stressful to me. Gender just didn't matter at all. We would love and care for baby whether or not there was a birth defect, but it was still stressful that our ultrasounds were focused on that, not the relatively minor issue of gender. I refused to find out the gender at the big 20 week ultrasound just so I wouldn't have to answer questions about it!

[J-rap]

Your observations strike me as bizarre! I don't mean to say I don't believe what you have observed -- I do. But, I myself have never, ever observed that in all my years. Every woman I've ever known who was pregnant with a daughter was absolutely thrilled, including myself -- four times in a row! :)

[mom4him]

All I can speak from is my own experience. I birthed 3 children, ds,dd,ds. We adopted two children, dd, ds. I had no idea what we were having with our birth children but was oh so happy to have a dd when our second was born. I knew in my heart that we would adopt and was just as happy that God blessed us with both a dd and ds.

[Amy Jo]

I always wanted a girl. But my mom died before my first was born, and I wanted that bond back I guess. But I was happy on the first with a healthy baby - saying my life was a roller-coaster during my first pregnancy would have been the understatement of the century.

[twoxcell]

I have known many women that had a strong desire to bear a girl child! My dh and I were both thrilled at the ultrasounds of our baby girls. I really have only heard a few people say they didn't want a baby girl including my SIL.

[HeatherInWI]

I've never seen or heard a preference for either gender in my extended family or among my friends -- We're just thrilled to have babies! If gender matters, it's only that if a couple already has a boy, they often want a girl next time, or vice-versa.

[jujsky]

I've never encountered this. In fact, my dad wanted a girl first and was thrilled when I was born. His mom wanted a girl, and was so disappointed that my dad (her second child) was born, that she grew his hair out long, put him in dresses, and called him Susan until he was close to two and my grandfather made her stop. After my dad, she had another child -- another boy. I think part of why my dad wanted a girl so much was because he and his older brother were always competing with each other. His older brother gave my grandmother 3 healthy, wonderful grandsons. She loved them, but everyone knew she wanted a girl and was hoping for a girl. A year after the youngest was born, I came along -- the coveted girl-child my grandmother had desired her entire life. My mom had no preference, but thought for sure I was a boy. She was a little disappointed when I was born, but it was more because I wasn't the baby she had pictured for months.

 

I wanted a girl much more than I wanted a boy. I know that sounds awful. I love girly things. I wanted a daughter to share all that with. I think if I only had boys, a part of me would be disappointed. I know I'd love them all and wouldn't want to trade any of them, but part of me would miss that girl experience.

[GingerPoppy]

I'm the oldest of four kids--girl, girl, girl, boy. I know that my parents kept trying for a boy, and stopped after they got him. I think that was my dad's preference. Well, the boy gave them one heck of a wild ride through his teen years and well into his twenties. :lol:

 

When I was pregnant, I did really hope for a girl, and I really felt the baby would be a girl. I was right. I guess I just felt comfortable with females, plus I thought there would be a very special mother/daughter bond. I know it would have been just as wonderful--even if different--if I had a boy, but I am pretty thrilled to have my girl.:001_wub:

[Mimm]

I haven't read the thread but I find all that very strange. I am the oldest in my family and then there were three sons. When my sister was born everyone was thrilled and wished for girls on the next two (who were boys). When my parents decided to adopt, they showed a preference for girls.

 

I've known other families that wanted girls as well. They want the pink and the dolls and the tea parties and the bows and lace. They feel that girls can do whatever boys can do as far as sports such, but they get the added bonus of girly stuff that boys don't usually do.

 

I personally was very happy when my first was a girl and even though my husband wanted a son, I was secretly happy that my second was a girl. I've never really felt like I missed out by not having a boy. Even though we have two girls my husband has never suggested that we have another to try for a boy.

[5LittleMonkeys]

4 girls and 1 boy here. I always wanted all girls. I wouldn't trade my little man for the world but when I first found out what he was I was a little sad that he wasn't a girl.

 

I have a friend with 9 and they've never expressed any desire one way or the other. I have several other acquaintances that expressed that they wanted girls with their first born.

[StaceyinLA]

I will just say that I, personally, never really wanted a boy. I had a dd first, and was TOTALLY thrilled because that is what I wanted, then I wanted another, then another (and got them). When I was pg with #4, I really just wanted another girl. At that point I was kind of terrified of having a son. I was used to my girls. When I found out he was a boy I was in shock.

 

I wouldn't trade him for a thing, but I LOVE my girls, can't WAIT for granddaughters (and my girls can't wait to have girls), and all of the people in my family have been very excited about their girls.

[jasar31629]

I've not felt this save for the 'caboose' theory (and that was in regards to others since we have an only).

 

I really, really wanted a girl and got my wish. I would figure out what to do with a boy, but I grew up with 2 sisters and no brothers. I was a tomboy though, so I'm sure we'd be fine if it would have happened. :tongue_smilie: I grew up with a father and mother who set no limits on gender...not only in theory but in practice (school, work, farming, you name it). We threw bails and butchered chickens better than any of our guy friends or boyfriends who happened to be suckered into helping over the weekends. :D

 

I do get worried about the teen years...I've heard all sorts of things about hormonal girls and all the drama. That was certainly true in my experience growing up, both personally and with the general circles around me.

 

Wouldn't trade my girlie for the world though...both Dh and I were hoping for one and had her name picked out since before we were married. Weird, I know. Never nailed down a boy name before the ultrasound...our favorite name at the time was vetoed once we found it meant 'smelly hair'. :001_huh:

[Scarlett]

Only read two or three posts and thought I would go on and comment.

 

I haven't noticed this bias much. The times I have, I have attributed it to a red-neck mentality....

 

In my own situation....I wanted a girl very very much. My then dh's obviously pleasure that the baby was male made me sad...and happy. He had been so UNinterested in the pregnancy I was happy that something got his attention. I believe he would fall into the redneck catagory too....

 

The reason I wanted a girl is because I felt it would be easier to raise her/keep her in my faith as my now XH was not involved in my religion at all. Of course, my son is my life, and oddly enough his personality (and looks) are so like me that I actually got my mini-me....the male version. I hope for a granddaughter someday. But I am thrilled to have my boy. I love him beyond description.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

I have been wanting a girl for FOREVER!!! :001_wub: Know you know at least one more person who would be ECSTATIC to find out she was having a baby girl. I didn't get to do all the typical, fun girlie things when I was little, and I want to share that with a daughter. I was convinced ds#2 was a girl, and was just a tinsey bit disappointed that he wasn't.

 

My best friend's husband was disappointed that his two kids turned out to be girls. And my father wanted boys not girls (9 out of his 12 children are boys.) But he doesn't count because he's clinically crazy (and in jail for child abuse.)

 

But I have never run into that attitude anywhere else.

[angela in ohio]

Hmmm. My sil desperately wanted daughters, and she has two boys. She is mad and sad about that.

 

My dh only wanted daughters. His father left when he was young, and he was afraid he wouldn't know how to raise a son well.

 

The only people I've known to actively want *either* gender over the other were people with a long line of one gender (three boys, four girls, etc.)

 

I know now that having boys is easier, and I would have wished for more boys had I known, though. The world is hard for girls: predatory men, mean girls, etc. Having teen girls makes me sad, because I am scared for them a lot. It's different for boys, and it would have been easier to spare myself the worry. OTOH, my girls are my buddies in a way my son isn't, so I'm glad to have had girls. I guess I'm jsut really glad to get to experience both kinds of relationship. :)

Edited January 6, 2012 by angela in ohio

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I had 2 girls first and I was thrilled! My dh truly didn't care what we were having and was super excited to have baby girls. We thought we were done after dd #2 and found out before she was a year old that we were being surprised with #3. At that point I kind of thought it would be nice to have a boy since we intended to surgically end any chance of having anymore children (for health reasons--I had horrible pregnancies). #3 was a boy and we were thrilled! We probably would have been thrilled had it been another girl--but a boy was awesome since it was absolutely our last chance and we had 2 amazing, beautiful girls.

[Scarlett]

I know now that having boys is easier, and I would have wished for more boys had I known, though. The world is hard for girls:

 

Now see I feel the world is hard for boys! Having been a girl and watched my brother....and now my son....I feel like they both experience bullying in a way I never did.

[joannqn]

My husband and I both wanted a girl most. The only time we were hoping for a boy was the third but that was because our son wanted a little brother and we didn't know how well he'd deal with the disappointment of not getting that. Now that he got the little brother he wanted, I think it would have been easier to have a girl because they don't get along at all.

 

If I were to have another child, we'd want a girl.

[WiseOwlKnits]

The preference I've seen over and over is for girls. I'll admit that I wanted a girl with each pregnancy, but I wouldn't trade my DS for anything. And I'm REALLY tired of the discrimination against boys I see around here. I actually had someone tell me they were sorry when they found out we were having a son.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

The preference I've seen over and over is for girls. I'll admit that I wanted a girl with each pregnancy, but I wouldn't trade my DS for anything. And I'm REALLY tired of the discrimination against boys I see around here. I actually had someone tell me they were sorry when they found out we were having a son.

 

I've had to listen to people for years telling me how sorry for me that I have four sons, as if I've been cursed and not blessed.

 

I tend to react pretty strongly to talk like that. No one has ever dared to say it twice. :glare:

 

I love being the mother of many sons. Each one is so precious! I don't think I would have bonded with daughters as much. I was always afraid of having girls.

[SheilaZ]

I have all boys. I would have had a fifth child if I knew I would have another boy. I'm just not a girl mom. I cant imagine parenting a girl or dealing with all the little girl friends. ( no offense to parents of girls, it just my personal thing.)

However, I'll happily go to scout camp and put up with dozens of boys without being the least bit bothered.

I'm sure I could have loved a daughter had God chosen to give me one....but I think He really knew what my heart could handle when he gave my boys to me.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Sheila, you are in the same stage I'm in! My boys are 7, 11, 13, and 15. It is fun!

 

Now, I am looking forward to daughters-in-law (years and years from now). As my big boys grow I'm starting to wonder about who they might marry, and I hope I have wonderful relationships with those girls. I would like to be a great MIL.

[Cortana]

We have a "caboose", lol! 2 boys followed by a little sister.

 

We honestly didn't care, we did the suprise with our oldest and I was more happy to finally just have a baby, didn't matter if it was a boy or a girl. He's a boy.

 

Now with our younger ds, dh dearly wanted a little girl. When we found out at the 20 wk u/s we were having another boy his response was "are you sure?" lol!

 

With our daughter we were just so happy to be having another baby after a difficult time getting pregnant that we really didn't care, was more concerned that the baby was healthy.

 

With the majority of people I know irl, I'd say the opposite is true. Most everyone I know wanted/wants a girl. One couple I know the wife was dissapointed to find out they were having a boy, she wanted a girl badly. A good friend of mine is hoping to find out tomorrow what they are having, she and her husband are really hoping for a girl.

[tex-mex]

I've never had a job doing ultrasounds but my personal experience of 48 years has never shown a preference for boys from any of my family or friends who were American. So I wouldn't have any idea why or even if this is true.

:iagree:

 

Never heard of this at all where I was raised (CA) and currently live (TX). My viewpoint is that boys when adults and married tend to go off and cleave to the wife's family -- you tend to "lose" them. Girls, on the other hand, tend to grow up and stay close to the family. Not in all cases, but usually the mothers of daughters that I know are (and have always been) thrilled to have a daughter over a boy. This could be cultural from my POV, too?

[YLVD]

Honestly, in the educated women I know, I would say most of them want a girl if they could pick. When I had my first ultrasound with my first child (a boy), one of the nurses was pregnant with her first and she told us she was so glad it was a girl. I thought that was really weird thing to say to someone who just found out they were having a boy!? I find myself recoiling when people start expressing preference for a girl.

 

Also, both my grandmothers (my kids great grandmothers that are now deceased) had a preference for GIRLS and they expressed it loudly. My one grandma kept saying when I was pregnant with my first she was praying for a girl.

 

(I'm in the urban, upper mid-west)

 

Same experience here, but I'm in the urban Northwest

 

I admit, I really wanted a girl. Most people I knew were so excited when I said I was having a girl. My own mom, grandma and my then DHs mom were both like, GIRL GIRL

 

Now my ex dh's mom is from Thailand and had four boys trying to have a girl. Her reasoning was always that the sons get married and go off to the wife's family. Sadly, that has kind of happened. But, that was her reasoning. FWIW, I'm white and American. My now ex H wanted a girl as well. He is remarried and has two young boys. He loves them to pieces but he has said that it's a whole, different, and more difficult, world than it was with our daughter.

 

It's interesting because I'm a tomboy, but I can't imagine having to parent a boy on a daily basis. My daughter is older now, thank goodness, but when I had friends with boys, when she was younger, they were all SO much more difficult to manage. Some of it is personality but most of my friends had boys and wow. No offense or nothing against them. Just as someone said above, I couldn't deal with boys and all of their little friends. I was so happy to have all the little girls around. My DD did have boys as friends as well. They were all so much more of a handful, but nice kids.

 

Luckily, my daughter has tomboy tendencies so we are a perfect match. It would have been harder with a girly girl!

 

I do agree though, the world is hard for girls. I'm not super worried about what men or males have to deal with. I know that my daughter is so much more at risk for sexual assault, etc than boys are and she will make less money and deal with sexism. That is what worries me.

Edited January 6, 2012 by YLVD

[YLVD]

I admit, I really wanted a girl. Most people I knew were so excited when I said I was having a girl. My own mom, grandma and my then DHs mom were both like, GIRL GIRL I'm in the urban NW.

 

Now my ex dh's mom is from Thailand and had four boys trying to have a girl. Her reasoning was always that the sons get married and go off to the wife's family. Sadly, that has kind of happened. But, that was her reasoning. FWIW, I'm white and American. My now ex H wanted a girl as well. He is remarried and has two young boys. He loves them to pieces but he has said that it's a whole, different, and more difficult, world than it was with our daughter.

 

It's interesting because I'm a tomboy, but I can't imagine having to parent a boy on a daily basis. Even though most of my best friends are men!

 

My daughter is older now, thank goodness, but when I had friends with boys, when she was younger, they were all SO much more difficult to manage. Some of it is personality but most of my friends had boys and wow. No offense or nothing against them. Just as someone said above, I couldn't deal with boys and all of their little friends. I was so happy to have all the little girls around. My DD did have boys as friends as well. They were all so much more of a handful, but nice kids.

 

Luckily, my daughter has tomboy tendencies so we are a perfect match. It would have been harder with a girly girl!

 

I do agree though, the world is hard for girls. I'm not super worried about what men or males have to deal with. I know that my daughter is so much more at risk for sexual assault, etc than boys are and she will make less money and deal with sexism. That is what worries me.

[YLVD]

I thought I wanted a girl and really hoped it was a girl because I had absolutely no experience with newborns and very, very little experience with babies and toddlers. I figured I could manage a girl because I was a girl. Of course, I was just glad ds was born alive, but I remember thinking "what the HECK do I do with a little boy???"

 

I am now glad to have had a boy, and sure I would never want to have a girl. It's not really because I had one boy, or any thoughts of having a boy being better than having a girl, but I have more experience around kids now. Plus, I once was a girl. I wouldn't really wish that on anyone, let alone my own child. I think being a girl, in general, sucks. There is very little about my gender that I find so wonderful. Equality being what it is, both boys and girls can aspire to anything these days, but the hard fact is that life is easier if you're male. You get farther, faster as a male. Physically, it's like a freakin' cake walk compared to being female. If I could have pre-picked my own gender, it would NOT have been female.

 

Girls get objectified, abused, raped, molested, harrassed, used, manipulated, degraded and subjugated. They get periods, pregnancies, miscarriages, painful births, uterine prolapses, perineal tearing, ovarian cancer and mastectomies. Yes... some of these things and other unpleasant things happen to boys, too, but as women, we know these horrors. We know it in our bones. It's drilled into us in our upbringings. Sometimes we've already lived some of them. Who wants that for their child?

 

I have seen other women disappointed to have girls instead of boys, and I often wonder if it is because a part of them knows how d*mn rough it is to be a girl.

 

I agree with much of this. But, so many boys grow up to do these horrible rapes and molestations, that's why I didn't want one.