If you have a daughter, please help me understand this (warning: long/controversial)

[MrsJewelsRae]

Honestly, I have never seen that. Perhaps it must be a local thing. We were equally thrilled with the gender of each of our children from the moment we found out, I bawled with joy to know who they were, I never had a preference. All of my friends were also happy with their daughters. If anything I've noticed the opposite, hanging out for a long time on a fertility message board while ttc our family, I noticed far more boy disappointment than girl- so many moms upset or whining that they aren't having a girl. Frankly, I found it disgusting that a mom would be angry and depressed about her baby being the "wrong" gender, when for years I couldn't even get pregnant at all, I would have given anything just to get and then stay pg.

Edited January 6, 2012 by MrsJewelsRae

[MrsJewelsRae]

I really do not understand this mindset of women thinking we have it so much worse than men. Men are put under a lot of pressure to live up to stereotypes (or not) as well. I know and love and respect a lot of wonderful, hard working men in my life, as well as being the proud mother of 2 amazing sons. My husband works his tail off to take care of our family, he is the sole bread winner, and while I work just as hard at home, I wouldn't trade places with him. While women may still face sexism and dangers in todays society, here in North America we have it a heck of a lot better than much of the rest of the world. And, while the vast majority of sexual predators are male, does not make "so many men rapists and molestors". Oh, and little boys need protection from child molestors as much as girls do. I know a sweet young man who was brutally gang raped 2 yrs ago by men and he has suffered as much as any woman who suffered the same fate- he has suffered in dreadful shame, and agony and silence.

 

There is actually a lot of concern about sexism against boys, especially in elementary school. It's always been understood that boys, in general, are more active and busy and immature than girls. But it is not accepted anymore by and large as public schools have a surge of "girl power" movement. Read the book "The War Against Boys". http://www.nytimes.com/books/first/s/sommers-war.html Boys are fighting an uphill battle in society today as well, huge numbers are being labeled improperly with learning and behavior disorders, when their real problem is- they're just boys being boys! I am not against women's rights, but I am for equal rights for my sons too, and not just my daughter.

Edited January 6, 2012 by MrsJewelsRae

[Joyofsixreboot]

For myself and my friends I would say girl's were actually desired. Not that we don't love our boys but girl's offer that whole " someday we'LL bond over shopping" vibe.

[Lizzie in Ma]

Interesting. I wanted girls very much, dh had no preference.

We were blessed with two girls.

[KingM]

I have four kids, three of whom are boys and I kind of wish we'd had a fifth because I'd like to have another daughter. So I can certainly understand the desire to have the gender you don't already have.

 

On the other hand, I have some friends with four girls who were talking about having a fifth and the mother said she wasn't sure if she wanted a boy because being known as the ones with all the girls is almost part of their family identity.

[Alison in KY]

I've never heard what you are describing. I was actually wanting a girl my first go round. After having a boy, I still wanted a girl, but was just happy to have another baby...but I did get my girl, well, two of them. Now I'd love to have another boy in the mix, but that won't be happening.

 

Alison

[Dustybug]

I have never seen or witnessed this either and I have a ton of friends with children, there were just 8 women in my church who recently gave birth, etc.. My firstborn was a girl and I wanted a girl. My DH wanted a boy, but he just wanted a son someday whether it was the firstborn or not. He was quite thrilled about having a little Daddy's girl and now he's got two of them. With my second pregnancy, I was ambivalent. I didn't have a desire either way. With my third, I wanted another girl so bad I could taste it. In fact, I was worried I'd be disappointed if it were a boy.

 

In fact, my first child, everyone wanted a little girl. There was only one other girl in the family (as far as all the nieces/nephews go).

[Carrie12345]

As happy as I was either way, I've always leaned toward wanting girls.

As the eldest of 3 girls, I figured it would be easiest if my first were a girl. I somehow managed with it being a boy. ;)

 

With my second, I figured a girl would be easier for 2 reasons. For one, I really didn't want my 4yo son to have to witness any extended family celebrations over his stepfather's "firstborn son" and feel lesser for it. For another, dh and I disagreed on the whole circumcision debate. Having a girl DID make all of that easier, imo.

 

I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd when my 2nd was 4 months old. I leaned toward wanting a girl so I wouldn't have to pack up all my girlie stuff and pull out all of my boy stuff. :tongue_smilie: I was happy to be saved that hassle.

 

Number 4 was a bit rough. By then, ds#1 had been diagnosed on the autism spectrum for a few years. We knew the odds of sibling dx were much, much higher with boys. On the other hand, dh did have a bit of a nagging desire to keep the family name going (he has 1 sister.) Fortunately, we managed to come to an agreement on circumcision, because it was a boy!

 

The only doubts with #5 were of the autism variety but, by then, we pretty much figured we knew how to cope with all of that and whatever would be would be. I guess we'll see as he gets older!

 

For what it's worth, all 4 of my pets are male, lol.

[Gentlemommy]

I have three girls and I wanted a girl every time. :) In fact, I tried very hard to convince myself I was having a boy so that I could practice not looking disappointed if the ultrasound showed a boy.:001_huh:

I want more children. I would LOVE more girls, but I'm not dreading having a boy now like I did with my first two pregnancies. EVERYONE asks if we are going to "try for the boy?" now, as if having a boy would be the ONLY reason to have another child.:glare: I always answer "Actually no, we are going for puppy this time!" ;)

[LindaOz]

I have three girls and I wanted a girl every time. :) In fact, I tried very hard to convince myself I was having a boy so that I could practice not looking disappointed if the ultrasound showed a boy.:001_huh:

I want more children. I would LOVE more girls, but I'm not dreading having a boy now like I did with my first two pregnancies. EVERYONE asks if we are going to "try for the boy?" now, as if having a boy would be the ONLY reason to have another child.:glare: I always answer "Actually no, we are going for puppy this time!" ;)

 

Love this! You just put my feelings into words. ;) . I am 3 weeks away from having my 7th girl (we do have one boy...) and I was glad to find out we are having another girl.

[Parrothead]

I didn't much want a boy first. We wanted more children but only got one so for me it is just perfect that my only is a daughter.

 

I don't think anyone despaired that dd wasn't a ds.

[Plucky]

I agree with much of this. But, so many boys grow up to do these horrible rapes and molestations, that's why I didn't want one.

 

Even more boys, in fact most of them grow up to be wonderful people, loving husbands, caring citizens, gentlemen, fantastic sons, and awesome dads. I find your irrational stereotype of males pretty frightening.

[Denisemomof4]

I have never, ever in my life seen what you speak of. In fact, I've seen more women wanting GIRLS than wanting boys.

[Tess in the Burbs]

well my dh didn't want a girl. He knew how wild I was as a teen. He knew how wild his sister was as a teen. He wanted boys and convinced me second pregnancy it was a boy(we didn't find out either pregnancy)! So when they said it was a girl we were both shocked and in disbelief. I personally was fine with a girl. Then I would have one of each. But in dh's case he truly didn't want the drama of girls in his home. He did buy a gun last year in preparation of her dating years :001_huh: He seriously thinks she will be like me and dreads those years with her. :glare: I think as a mom I feel bad knowing she will most likely have similar health issues as I do and I wouldn't want that for anyone, especially my daughter. But deep down I am so glad she was a girl. Dh loves her dearly but yes, he is one of those that preferred boys. He is a boy, he gets boys. Girls scare him :tongue_smilie::lol:

[Aelwydd]

I thought I wanted a girl and really hoped it was a girl because I had absolutely no experience with newborns and very, very little experience with babies and toddlers. I figured I could manage a girl because I was a girl. Of course, I was just glad ds was born alive, but I remember thinking "what the HECK do I do with a little boy???"

 

I am now glad to have had a boy, and sure I would never want to have a girl. It's not really because I had one boy, or any thoughts of having a boy being better than having a girl, but I have more experience around kids now. Plus, I once was a girl. I wouldn't really wish that on anyone, let alone my own child. I think being a girl, in general, sucks. There is very little about my gender that I find so wonderful. Equality being what it is, both boys and girls can aspire to anything these days, but the hard fact is that life is easier if you're male. You get farther, faster as a male. Physically, it's like a freakin' cake walk compared to being female. If I could have pre-picked my own gender, it would NOT have been female.

 

Girls get objectified, abused, raped, molested, harrassed, used, manipulated, degraded and subjugated. They get periods, pregnancies, miscarriages, painful births, uterine prolapses, perineal tearing, ovarian cancer and mastectomies. Yes... some of these things and other unpleasant things happen to boys, too, but as women, we know these horrors. We know it in our bones. It's drilled into us in our upbringings. Sometimes we've already lived some of them. Who wants that for their child?

 

I have seen other women disappointed to have girls instead of boys, and I often wonder if it is because a part of them knows how d*mn rough it is to be a girl.

 

Aye, having been the victim of sexual assault, having experienced sexism many times, having a maternal history of breast and kidney cancer, plus dealing with all the other female issues of pregnancy and reproduction, and comparing that to my dh's experiences growing up, and the majority of my male friends--there's no comparison.

 

(I've been the SAHM being supported by dh, and now I'm the sole breadwinner for the family, as dh got laid off months ago. Though I loved the years caring for my son, it was a more demanding and difficult "job" by far then what I'm doing now.) Girls get the crappy end of the deal, biologically and most of the time sociologically. When I was pregnant, I didn't wish to see those difficulties inflicted on my child. I'd have loved a daughter fiercely, but I preferred a son.

 

Furthermore, there's a reason why folks almost universally acknowledge that girls tend to mature faster than boys--oftentimes, they're forced to, because of biology. Biology makes girls give up their childhood sooner, especially as more and more girls are now getting their periods as young as 8.

 

I remember how it felt getting "buds" at 10 years old and having to start wearing a training bra, and later getting my period at 12. I was aware that even though I wasn't even close to being emotionally ready, the truth was, I was physically mature enough to become pregnant. That was a sobering change and it definitely separated me from my more carefree guy friends. In my father's family, I have an aunt and a cousin who got their period both at age 9. My ds will turn 9 next week--I try to imagine his body making the change now to reproductive maturity, and I'm glad he's not facing that. Which is why, IMO, generally boys get to have a longer childhood. They don't hit puberty until later.

 

I'm not naive and I'm not foolish enough to believe that boys don't have their own challenges. They most definitely do. I am worried about anger. I am concerned about impulsive, wild behavior. I ponder the increased likelihood of his being involved in violent or criminal activity because of male hormones and conditioning. These are all issues that I face. But, given a choice between the types of challenges each faces, I'm more than a bit relieved that I'm not having to relive through my child's experience those particular disillusionments and restrictions I have to face when I was growing up as a girl.

 

Finally, I'm one of three girls, and no brothers. I remember quite clearly all the drama between my two sisters and their raging PMS hormones. I was a tomboyish girl, and had little patience for girly-girl activities. I'd pick Douglas Adams over Jane Austen any day. I can discuss trends and statistics for football, baseball, and hockey teams and players, but I couldn't french braid hair or do a chignon to save my life. Having a boy was no guarantee that I'd avoid the girly stuff (he might have been gay, after all) but I figured there was a better chance of avoiding it than if I got a girl.

 

When I was pregnant, we only had one u/s, and we wanted to know the sex. Our u/s tech was really cool. She asked us if we wanted to know and we said sure. "Well," she said, "say hello to Mr. Penis!"

 

DH and I promptly high-fived each other.

[Julie Smith]

Aye, having been the victim of sexual assault, having experienced sexism many times, having a maternal history of breast and kidney cancer, plus dealing with all the other female issues of pregnancy and reproduction, and comparing that to my dh's experiences growing up, and the majority of my male friends--there's no comparison.

 

(I've been the SAHM being supported by dh, and now I'm the sole breadwinner for the family, as dh got laid off months ago. Though I loved the years caring for my son, it was a more demanding and difficult "job" by far then what I'm doing now.) Girls get the crappy end of the deal, biologically and most of the time sociologically. When I was pregnant, I didn't wish to see those difficulties inflicted on my child. I'd have loved a daughter fiercely, but I preferred a son.

 

Furthermore, there's a reason why folks almost universally acknowledge that girls tend to mature faster than boys--oftentimes, they're forced to, because of biology. Biology makes girls give up their childhood sooner, especially as more and more girls are now getting their periods as young as 8.

 

I remember how it felt getting "buds" at 10 years old and having to start wearing a training bra, and later getting my period at 12. I was aware that even though I wasn't even close to being emotionally ready, the truth was, I was physically mature enough to become pregnant. That was a sobering change and it definitely separated me from my more carefree guy friends. In my father's family, I have an aunt and a cousin who got their period both at age 9. My ds will turn 9 next week--I try to imagine his body making the change now to reproductive maturity, and I'm glad he's not facing that. Which is why, IMO, generally boys get to have a longer childhood. They don't hit puberty until later.

 

I'm not naive and I'm not foolish enough to believe that boys don't have their own challenges. They most definitely do. I am worried about anger. I am concerned about impulsive, wild behavior. I ponder the increased likelihood of his being involved in violent or criminal activity because of male hormones and conditioning. These are all issues that I face. But, given a choice between the types of challenges each faces, I'm more than a bit relieved that I'm not having to relive through my child's experience those particular disillusionments and restrictions I have to face when I was growing up as a girl.

 

Finally, I'm one of three girls, and no brothers. I remember quite clearly all the drama between my two sisters and their raging PMS hormones. I was a tomboyish girl, and had little patience for girly-girl activities. I'd pick Douglas Adams over Jane Austen any day. I can discuss trends and statistics for football, baseball, and hockey teams and players, but I couldn't french braid hair or do a chignon to save my life. Having a boy was no guarantee that I'd avoid the girly stuff (he might have been gay, after all) but I figured there was a better chance of avoiding it than if I got a girl.

 

When I was pregnant, we only had one u/s, and we wanted to know the sex. Our u/s tech was really cool. She asked us if we wanted to know and we said sure. "Well," she said, "say hello to Mr. Penis!"

 

DH and I promptly high-fived each other.

 

I agree with what the biological reasons for not wanting a girl. I didn't want to help or just watch or know my daughter was having to deal with periods, boobs, (maybe one day) pregnancy, birth, ... A boy wouldn't have these things.

[Leav97]

I was scared to have either. I grew up in a house of girls. We were all good kids even through the teenage years. But, I'm a tomboy and the idea of a girly girl scared me. I had no idea what to do with a boy.

 

DD is challenging but was a relatively easy kid until about 4. DS has been a handful since he learned how to run. I didn't care if #3 was a boy or a girl but, for the next couple of years a girl would probably be easier. DH asked if we could have another one and try for a girl.

[HLDoll]

I can't say I've ever run in to this bias. I have one daughter and soon-to-be 4 boys. I've always wanted another girl so my daughter could have a sister (I was an only girl with 3 brothers), but I've never been disappointed about any of my boys. My mother even thinks I should go for #6 and see if we can manage another girl. Several of my friends have only boys (anywhere from 2-6), and I know they'd be thrilled to welcome a little girl in to their home, but they are truly happy and content to have healthy babies, whatever their gender. I just can't say I've experienced what you have at all.

 

Now my brother is a newly-wed and jokes about how he'll end up with only girls just because I've got so many boys and that he probably won't have kids. But I know he wants them and that when the moment comes, he won't be disappointed either way.

[Reesegirl]

I always wanted girls. I have 3. My husband wanted a boy since he is an only son on his side of the family and wanted to carry on the family name. We didn't find out the gender of our first dd and when she was born my husband was estatic with a girl! Then with both my next two pregnancies I experienced potential problems with AFP tests and it looked like my 2nd dd might have spinal bifida and the 3rd downs....when we went through those scary times,and believe me, we didn't care if we were having a boy or a girl! We just wanted a healthy baby. Fortunately both babies were born healthy.

 

Lots of people asked us if we were going to try one more time for a boy....But our family was complete.

[momacacia]

I have seen this somewhat, vaguely in my in-laws family of 7 boys, 2 girls. That said, MIL had 5 boys before she had a girl and by then really wanted a girl (as you described). I definitely "sense" that MIL prefers boys and she is vocal about how much easier boys are to raise than girls. She is also not very relational, so I can do the math on that one. :glare:

 

I've even read recent research that girls are preferred in modern America, and have one friend whose husband really wanted their baby to be a little girl (wanted to buy the pretty clothes and there were no boys in his family), but is more than happy with his boy.

 

As far as our family, I just *knew* that #1 was the girl from the moment the preg. test came back positive. "I'm having a princess!" was my thought, and graceful, princess she is! Mother's intuition. :) I did emotionally prepare to be happy with a boy and had bought clothes for both genders, but we were both ecstatic with our delicate little princess when she came out. DH chose her name, which he loved and I grew to love. #2 is a girl also and I couldn't figure out what I was going to have, but again prepared for a boy (all that energy scares me ;)). We got a girl. Very different than #1, but just as sweet.

 

DH says happily, "we could have 5 kids and they'd all be girls!" because of the kind of "nurturing" guy he is. He "gets" women . . . okay, just kidding, I should rephrase. He is a good listener, how's that? :lol: And the wonderful thing is that he'd be thrilled to have 5 girls. I'm just hoping we're at least in a position at some point to have 3 of anything. ;) But, as our family stats are now, Girls Rule! :D

 

That's my take.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I can't answer your "why", but I have seen a slight preference for boys - mostly from men - having a chip off the old block. However, none of the men I have known who expressed a preference have ever been anything but delighted with their daughters. The only time I have seen comments about preference is when there are more than one already of one sex.

 

We did get comments about how it would be great to have a boy because dh's brother had two daughters and they were done and dh's sister wasn't planning on having children (her hubby has a genetic disorder.) It was only about carrying on the name for my FIL (who loves his granddaughters as much as his grandsons.) We didn't find out the sex because both dh and I feel strongly about being surprised.

[beaners]

I DID see this when I lived in Memphis. We were very pleased to hear my oldest would be a girl, especially because I had told my husband I had a feeling she would be. We would have been pleased with a boy too, but we were tickled that my guess was accurate. Many other mothers in the waiting room at the OB office expressed a strong preference for boys.

 

What's even sadder about that, is that those were among the most educated and informed mothers in that city. When I lived there, the neonatal and infant mortality rates in Memphis were worse than in most third world countries. A huge percentage of women would see their first doctor during their pregnancy when they showed up to the hospital in labor, and unfortunately some of their babies would die from things that could have been discovered with routine prenatal care. It wasn't a matter of cost, because free clinics were available to check for gestational diabetes, preeclampsia and other conditions. I also only knew one other mother who stopped smoking and drinking heavily during pregnancy.

 

So the majority of women I encountered who were actually concerned with taking steps to ensure a healthy baby had no desire for female children.

[desertmum]

I wanted a healthy baby -didn't care if it was a boy or a girl. But after a miscarriage it is natural to feel this way I think.

 

I have a boy and I love him to bits. BUT I wish I could have one more baby, this time a girl. This will not be (not getting into it at this time) and I feel sad about it. I am an only child and sometimes this can be lonely and hard when parents get older and there no one to share the responsability with. So I desperately wanted to have 2 children.

 

Why would I want baby #2 to be a girl? It is always the women in our family who "pass" the history of the family -a bit of oral tradition. Boys are usually not that keen on this sort of thing. My grandmother's bracelet -I had nobody I can pass it on to unless my ds has a girl. What if my son gets married and then divorced? Will the ex-wife take my grandchildren away, and I will never see them again? I am thinking this simply because when my parents got divorced I efectively lost one set of grandparents.

[LuvingLife]

My parents never had that problem, when it was just My older brother, younger sister and I, they were perfectly content with what they had.:)

 

5 kids later, people think they have gone crazy! I say the Lord had blessed us with an even number.:lol:

[swellmomma]

I have not read all 18 pages yet, but wanted to chime in and them will go back and read.

 

I am sure that as a sonographer you did see that moment of disappointment that I am sure passed once the people left the office. If they had a vision for the first half of their pregnancy of what this child was going to be there is a good chance that in the moment of hearing that the child was of a different gender that they were slightly disappointed because it meant their vision/dream ended. It does not mean that they didn't want a girl for example, or aren't thrilled the moment they walk out the door but in the privacy of that little room their dream ended and they greived for a moment and then moved on to the next dream for the child that was to be.

 

As for weird comments of strangers I got it all teh time both ways. I had a boy first, so when I was pregnant with my second the majority of people told me they hoped I was having a girl. After all then I would have 1 of each. I thought she was a boy my whole pregnancy because I had heard when you conceive so close together that the genders would be most likely the same. I was around 34 weeks like you when I found out. SHe had been keeping her legs tightly shut in all the u/s before that. I did have that moment of grief. Not because I didn't love that I was going to have a daughter but because my dream of the little boy I thought I was carrying was gone in that instant. I was excited for a daughter by the time the u/s was over and went straight from that appt to the mall to buy everything in pink.

 

With my 3rd I didn't care either way and neither did anyone else other than to comment that no matter what I had it would throw my balance off and I should have been happy to stop at 1 boy and 1 girl. I had a boy so when I got pg with my 4th I again heard constantly that they wanted me to have a girl because it would even us out, 2 boys and 2 girls. I wanted another girl because I learned with my 2nd how much I love all the outfits, and pink and frills, and hairbows etc. I was so excited to have a girl and actually the sonographer told my daughter first and she announced it to us and she was over the moon with having a little sister. It resulted in a shopping trip right away too. The boys were not so thrilled, they wanted another brother but I was extremely happy with having a girl. The general public and family responded like I thought they would. THrilled that I was having a girl to balance us out. People like the balance of genders it seems. The notion is you have to have both genders and should not stop having kids until you do, but even better is to have the same amount of both.

 

As for my first I truly didn't care what I was having, I was over the moon excited to be pregnant and terrified of never meeting my lo (I had a threatened m/c at 14 weeks, preterm labour issues and then a preterm delivery). I cared more about whether or not I would have a baby at all than what the gender was. I found out at 28 weeks that he was a boy. And guess what I did? I went shopping for boys stuff. That is how I celebrated all of them regardless of gender, I went shopping to buy stuff for them. Like me my extended family didn't care what he was, they just wanted him to live. I don't know if they would have been more obvious in gender preferance if I had a normal pregnancy or not. I know they were thrilled that my sister was having a boy first, but I can't say they would have been disappointed if she had a girl first.

 

Off to read the first 18 pages now ;)

[Singingmom]

I am a relational, girly-girl type person who has dreamed all my life of having daughters, or at least one. Instead, I had three boys. Now, I love each one with all of my heart, but my preference was definitely girls. God, in his wisdom gave me boys...none of whom I would trade, of course!

 

That said, My husband and I have talked about adopting a little girl, and interestingly, girls are far more in demand to adopt in the U.S. . So, I'm not sure the theory holds true?

 

Also, women approach me in public all the time, and confide that they are an all- boy family, and ask if I am ok with not having a girl. I have never met an all boy mom who didn't greatly desire a daughter....some (like me)grieve terribly.

[8circles]

I've had to listen to people for years telling me how sorry for me that I have four sons, as if I've been cursed and not blessed.

 

I tend to react pretty strongly to talk like that. No one has ever dared to say it twice. :glare:

 

I love being the mother of many sons. Each one is so precious! I don't think I would have bonded with daughters as much. I was always afraid of having girls.

 

Me too. People have said the most awful things.

[MinivanMom]

Ouch. :001_huh:

 

(BamaTanya = Tanya in Alabama)

 

nm

Edited January 8, 2012 by MinivanMom

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

I really do not understand this mindset of women thinking we have it so much worse than men. Men are put under a lot of pressure to live up to stereotypes (or not) as well. I know and love and respect a lot of wonderful, hard working men in my life, as well as being the proud mother of 2 amazing sons. My husband works his tail off to take care of our family, he is the sole bread winner, and while I work just as hard at home, I wouldn't trade places with him. While women may still face sexism and dangers in todays society, here in North America we have it a heck of a lot better than much of the rest of the world. And, while the vast majority of sexual predators are male, does not make "so many men rapists and molestors". Oh, and little boys need protection from child molestors as much as girls do. I know a sweet young man who was brutally gang raped 2 yrs ago by men and he has suffered as much as any woman who suffered the same fate- he has suffered in dreadful shame, and agony and silence.

 

There is actually a lot of concern about sexism against boys, especially in elementary school. It's always been understood that boys, in general, are more active and busy and immature than girls. But it is not accepted anymore by and large as public schools have a surge of "girl power" movement. Read the book "The War Against Boys". http://www.nytimes.com/books/first/s/sommers-war.html Boys are fighting an uphill battle in society today as well, huge numbers are being labeled improperly with learning and behavior disorders, when their real problem is- they're just boys being boys! I am not against women's rights, but I am for equal rights for my sons too, and not just my daughter.

 

:iagree: I'd say that our society is coming to the point where the odds are stacked against boys.

[PeacefulChaos]

I really do not understand this mindset of women thinking we have it so much worse than men. Men are put under a lot of pressure to live up to stereotypes (or not) as well. I know and love and respect a lot of wonderful, hard working men in my life, as well as being the proud mother of 2 amazing sons. My husband works his tail off to take care of our family, he is the sole bread winner, and while I work just as hard at home, I wouldn't trade places with him. While women may still face sexism and dangers in todays society, here in North America we have it a heck of a lot better than much of the rest of the world. And, while the vast majority of sexual predators are male, does not make "so many men rapists and molestors". Oh, and little boys need protection from child molestors as much as girls do. I know a sweet young man who was brutally gang raped 2 yrs ago by men and he has suffered as much as any woman who suffered the same fate- he has suffered in dreadful shame, and agony and silence.

 

There is actually a lot of concern about sexism against boys, especially in elementary school. It's always been understood that boys, in general, are more active and busy and immature than girls. But it is not accepted anymore by and large as public schools have a surge of "girl power" movement. Read the book "The War Against Boys". http://www.nytimes.com/books/first/s/sommers-war.html Boys are fighting an uphill battle in society today as well, huge numbers are being labeled improperly with learning and behavior disorders, when their real problem is- they're just boys being boys! I am not against women's rights, but I am for equal rights for my sons too, and not just my daughter.

:iagree:

Even more boys, in fact most of them grow up to be wonderful people, loving husbands, caring citizens, gentlemen, fantastic sons, and awesome dads. I find your irrational stereotype of males pretty frightening.

:iagree:

 

I tend to see sexism just as much toward men as toward women...

[KrissiK]

I've read some of this thread, not all, sorry, but I will say that in the world of fost-adopt, (baby/toddler) girls are much more difficult to get than boys. I'm not sure why that is, but our first placement was two brothers. We got placed very quickly. We waited quite a while for our daughter and then 3 years for our next placement (we wanted another girl, got 2 girls - bio sisters). If we would have been willing to take another boy (we might have if we had room, but with licensing laws and bedrooms and all that mess....) we would have gotten placed much more quickly.

[HSMom2One]

I'm with others in that I've not personally noticed anyone voicing their preference about gender UNLESS they already had 2 or more children of one sex and would like to have at least one of the opposite. For instance, my son and dil would have one more child if it could be guaranteed that it would be a girl. They have 2 boys and 1 girl already. Another example of a reference to gender is my boss at work and his wife...they have three daughters, and his comment has been that he's totally outnumbered, even the pets are all females! Truly, this is the typcial type of comment I've heard referencing anything about gender.

 

So.....not really any references that I can think of that point toward disappointment about gender of an unborn or newborn child. Most of my friends and family, co-workers and network of acquaintances all seem to be quite happy with whatever the good Lord chooses them to have.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[LostSurprise]

While I see a very strong assumption that people should want an equal number of male and female children (usually 1 boy, 1 girl), I haven't noticed that people favor boys.

 

In fact, as the mother of 4 boys I usually get asked if we're trying for a girl or how I manage.

 

I very much wanted a girl for pregnancies 1 & 3, and I was open (girl or boy) for the other two pregnancies.

[Blossom'sGirl]

After our second child I asked not to know during the ultrasound. I didn't want to have that initial reaction and then spend the rest of the pregnancy dealing with it. Once they set that baby in my arms I'm just glad it's out and healthy.

 

I do say that the "Are you going to try for a girl?" questions to be bad manners. And I used to have a friend who wanted a girl in the worst way, and her reaction to her ultrasound when she found out it was a boy was just sad. I never could understand how someone can be so vocal about disappointment over a child's gender. I truly hope it doesn't carry out into the child's growing up years.

 

I believe that I would have been equally thrilled with our first to be a boy or girl. In fact DH and I used to talk about how cool it would be to have twin girls.

[kewb]

I can only speak for myself. I was terrified of having the same bad relationship with my daughter that I have with my mother.

[Element]

I was super upset when I found out that I was having a girl. I nearly cried. (Dh was happy, at least.) There were many reasons I wanted only boys: Women's health issues in dh's family, women's health issues in my own family, my problematic relationship with my own mother for a part of my life, my lack of interest in girly things, the lack of girls in my family (I had mostly male family and friends- I didn't know what to do with a girl.) None of our friends had girls (... yet. ;))

 

I was clueless. I was wrong.

 

My daughter is my world. My heart. She changed everything. I can't imagine not having her.

[silliness7]

Firstly, I am responding only to the OP. I haven't read the replies.

 

When I first read your post, I thought you were crazy. I have not experienced the same gender bias as you have. I can distinctly remember one friend who did *NOT* want any boys whatsoever. She got her wish and has 4 girls. I can distinctly remember one friend saying she was so happy to give her dh a son and wasn't that weird and she didn't really know why but there it was. She was proud her first was a boy. She has 2 boys. Otherwise I can't remember anyone having definite preferences one way or the other for the FIRST one, but I am not in the profession that you were so my experince is more limited.

 

For the purposes true gender preference one should probably look at the *first* child. Later children add more variables to the equation. That's my random thought.

 

Now here is what *I* was thinking before becoming a mom. So maybe you aren't so crazy. :001_smile:

 

I did not want any girls in the very beginning. Not that I thought I had any choice in the matter but boys were my preference. I assumed that daughters came with a lot of emotional carp that I didn't want to deal with. I thought that daughters and mothers had much more conflict and wanted to avoid that.

 

However, it occurred to me *after* becoming a mother, that becoming a mother had made me closer to *my* mother. My mil was so obviously on the back burner and I noticed that most of my girlfriends' mil's were on their back burners too. I did *NOT* want to be a back burner mom once the grandkids came. So I did begin to desire a girl. Selfish, I know.

 

So here's my history.

#1 - wanted a boy (had a boy)

#2 - wanted a boy so he could have a bff (had a boy) (they are not bff's)

#3 - wanted a girl (had a boy)

...just for the record I fell in love with this little guy the moment I held him and didn't know that he was a boy til he was born so I truly don't think there was any residual disappointment in who he was.

#4 - wanted a girl (had a girl)

#5 - wanted a girl so she could have a bff (had a girl) (they are not bff's)

#6 - no preference

#7 - no preference

 

O.K. So maybe you aren't crazy. :001_smile: I'll go see what others think.

[blessedmom4god]

I wanted a girl with my first pregnancy, and was thrilled when we found out she was. With number two I guess if we could have picked we probably would have picked a boy since we had a girl.....she was a girl. We were happy! Now we really did wanted a boy for number 3 and nobody thought we would have one. When we fould out He was a boy we did get lots of comments like now you finally have your boy or now you can stop now that you have you a boy. These where usually said in front of our girls and went on till we got pregnant with #4. It always made dh and me angry and we even talked to the girls about it. For number 4 we were also hoping to have a boy, but we would have been happy either way. Looking back if dd2 had been a boy we might have stopped having kids and would have missed out on our "big" family. I would not change a thing!

[Blessedchaos]

We have three children, two boys and a "caboose" girl. With my first pregnancy, we didn't find out until late in the pregnancy that he was a boy. My husband was overjoyed. He definitely wanted a boy, but then again he comes from a culture where there is a DEFINITE, STRONG preference for boys (ultrasounds are illegal in his home country to prevent abortions of female fetuses). I was a tiny bit disappointed he wasn't a girl. During the second pregnancy we heard a lot of "I'm sure you want a girl", and even more so with the third. My husband wanted all boys. In fact, with our daughter he made the ultrasound tech check three times to really make sure she was a girl. Now the two of them are inseparable.

 

This is just our experience. I haven't seen this as strongly with other people we know.

[Virg]

I honestly always wanted my oldest to be a boy (I got two!). I think a lot of it is the whole "older brother to protect the younger sister" thing. I grew up in a pretty conservative chivalrous family where boys hold open doors. I was the oldest and I always wished my brother was older. I wouldn't have been upset about having girls but I did want a boy first :)

[hsbeth]

I have not read through other's replies yet, but wanted to respond. We have 4 daughters and no sons. We have experienced lots of unthoughtful remarks from folks over the years, some friends and family members, others complete strangers. I let it roll off my back mostly these days, but it really angers my husband partly because the remarks are mostly directed at him. "You're so outnumbered, you poor guy!" or some similar variation. Or folks will tell me that maybe I should try for one more, or that I shouldn't try for one more because we'll only end up with another girl.

 

We feel very blessed and have never regretted not having a male child. I don't understand most folks preoccupation with gender. Two of our girls are athletes and share many of my husband's interests. Two are more traditionally "girly". We're actually a very well balanced family, IMO.

 

Dh is the only son of an only son, so some family members on his side expressed regret about our surname dying out. This is somewhat more understandable to me. My MIL was happy to have the first two granddaughters, but did express some sadness that numbers #3 and #4 were both girls. OTOH, she was pleased that my SIL's had mostly girls b/c she enjoys spending time with her granddaughters and thinks little boys are rowdy.

 

ETA: I wish I had the OP as an U/S tech as 3 of my 4 preg. were high risks and I had scans every other week throughout. FWIW, U/S techs were some of the worst offenders with the comments about ANOTHER girl on the way.

Edited January 7, 2012 by hsbeth

[stripe]

I've seen the opposite. I know most department stores don't even bother stocking boys' clothes. I think most people think girls are easier and better behaved.

[ma23peas]

Completely different in our families!

 

My husband wanted a girl, because he adored his niece...when we found out we were having a boy HE was a bit disappointed..but when we had the boy, he wanted ALL Boys after that! Loved it! We got two girls so his first wish came true...he and I both love them all!!

 

In our family the ratio of girls to boys is 4:1...there just are not many boys born, out of 35 births of first cousins only 7 boys! I have a dear friend who has 7 children (6 boys and 1 girl)..they would pull their eye teeth out to be assured their 8th would be a girl! :)

 

I think it's just what you hear when you hear it..never heard or detected a pro boy opinion..unless maybe you're in China

[nd293]

I haven't experienced this, although I did also have the picture of the older son / younger daughter family. I guess it's rooted in more primal ideas of man-as-protector. Dh never showed a particular desire for a son, and if anything, he gets on with dd better than with ds, while the reverse is true of me.

[5kidsforME]

I've had to listen to people for years telling me how sorry for me that I have four sons, as if I've been cursed and not blessed.

 

I tend to react pretty strongly to talk like that. No one has ever dared to say it twice. :glare:

 

I love being the mother of many sons. Each one is so precious! I don't think I would have bonded with daughters as much. I was always afraid of having girls.

 

Same here.

 

You can not believe the rude questions I got when I had my 4th boy. How disappointed I must be, "aww, I bet you were wanting a girl" etc. Right in front of all my boys. :glare:

 

I have 4 boys and am pregnant with my (probably) last baby. We do not know if this ones a girl or boy. For me, I actually had a panic attack that I might be having a girl!! :lol: I am just so used to boys and how they are and everything about them. I was like, what would a girl be like?? :lol:

 

FTR, after my first I secretly (maybe not so secretly if you know me well ;)) wished for a girl each time until this pregnancy.

[Mama Lynx]

I haven't noticed this preference. I have four boys, and although I love them each dearly and would not trade them, I would have dearly loved to have a daughter, too - as a firstborn, or in any order.

[Annie Laurie]

I've never seen this, with anyone I know or with myself.

 

I had high hopes that my first was a girl, but it was a boy and I was disappointed at first. My second was a boy too. I didn't find out what my third was, so when she was born and we discovered she was a girl, we were over the moon. Dh and I both.

[zaichiki]

I know most department stores don't even bother stocking boys' clothes.

 

What?! :lol::lol::lol:

[UnsinkableKristen]

I think most people think girls are easier and better behaved.

 

They have obviously not met my daughters :lol:

[rocketgirl]

No, I can't relate. I have 4 girls and cannot relate at all to having a preference, because I am lucky to have had any of them as they were all premature. I started labor with all of them before 30 weeks, my last at 21 weeks, and thank God everyday that they were all born healthy and amazing people.