College...please tell me I'm not alone here...

[mommaduck]

So then, the poll doesn't make sense as it is written - would your own vote have been different if you had a different financial situation? You just said you'd pay if you could afford it, but on the other hand, you also stated that you don't feel they're entitled. That is our position too, and I voted "other" for that reason.

Good :D

[seraphina]

Thanks for the clarification of the original post. Now I understand am I am not perturbed. :D

[regentrude]

Don't like the word "entitled". Nobody is entitled to anything.

BUT: we will support our children in college to the degree that we can afford. If finances permit, I would prefer my kids to focus on studying and doing really well in college - as opposed to spending too much time working, having grades suffer, having to prolong college time and graduating with a GPA that does not reflect their potential. The advantage in earnings by graduating after four years with good grades is worth a lot more than what they could earn working while being a student.

I realize that for many families the financial situation makes it necessary for the student to work. If I have the choice, however, I would prefer helping my kids financially and enabling them to focus on their studies.

[mommaduck]

Thanks for the clarification of the original post. Now I understand am I am not perturbed. :D

:grouphug: I really didn't mean to perturb anyone...I know this can be a touchy issue though and I do understand how that word would initially set people on edge. I should have clarified it from the beginning. My brain seems to run slow at times.:001_huh:

[MeaganS]

Both my husband and I were expect to pay for college ourselves, but if our parents happened to be in a position to help at the time, they might offer to pay for some living expenses or partial tuition, depending on the situation. As it is, my parents paid half of my tuition and half of my rent. This was something that they made clear was not to be an expectation and was just because they could and wanted to help. My husband's parents paid all his living expenses but no tuition until we got married (1 year into his college career). After that he was on his own.

 

I expect we will help our children some if we can at the time, but I'm not overly stressing about it. It is certainly not something that I believe they are entitled to, more like a bonus. Even if we can, we won't pay for everything though, because we both believe they have to learn to get buy on their own two feet.

[Mary in VA]

I voted "other" because of the word "entitled." My widowed mother could not really help with college. My tuition was covered by the GI Bill (Dad died of a service connected disability) and Social Security Benefits (went to orphans up through college back then). She helped as much as she could in other ways. I know if she had been able she would have helped more, not because I was entitled to it, but because she would want to help me better my life. DH had a full ROTC scholarship, worked during college and saved to pay for graduate school. His parents helped his brothers, but they also had scholarships and worked.

 

My dh and I are much better off financially than our parents were. We want to help our children because we can and we love them, not because they are entitled to it. They don't have a sense of entitlement to it either. They have to earn good grades so they can get scholarships, work during summers (and school year if possible), take out reasonable loans in their names and we pay a portion. With our oldest currently in her senior year of college we have been able to pay about half. We want our dds to have a financial stake in their own education.

 

Mary

[Riverland]

Other.

 

I don't believe kids are entitled to college. However, we will pay for their college given many conditions: We agree with the choice and cost of the school, we agree with the major (lots of leeway here), grades are kept up, studying is a priority, partying is not allowed (umm, illegal drinking and such.....FUN is allowed:001_smile:), they hold steady jobs during summer breaks & save most of their money. I'm sure there are other conditions that we have not yet encountered, but I will add as needed.

 

So far, no problems with this approach.

[texasmama]

If our financial situation changes in the next couple of years, we will have more to contribute towards our kids' college. I don't think that kids are entitled to a free college ride on the parent's wallet, but I would love to help my kids through college as much as possible. That is what my parents did for me, and I graduated with an undergrad degree and no debt. That was an incredible gift.

[Orthodox6]

"Other" . . . of course! Each situation/each child has a different situation.

 

#1 went through CC with EE bonds we had purchased in his infancy, through our jobs. He will pay his way through the rest of the B.A. on his own. (He is married and expects to support himself.)

 

#2 went through CC on combination of EE bonds and our piggy bank. He is finishing his B.A. with loans and scholarships.

 

#3 and #4 are coming through the ranks. Scholarships, if God wills. Loans, otherwise.

 

In my own case, my parents paid for the huge bulk of my undergraduate degree, and I contributed every dime earned during summers. For graduate school, I paid all. I am very, VERY grateful for my parents' unselfish support. This does NOT mean that parents who do not pay are being selfish. It means only that I appreciate how my parents went without whatever was entailed to give me the gift of a college education.

[seraphina]

:grouphug: I really didn't mean to perturb anyone...I know this can be a touchy issue though and I do understand how that word would initially set people on edge. I should have clarified it from the beginning. My brain seems to run slow at times.:001_huh:

 

I understand...my brain often doesn't start working right until bedtime.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I expect my children to go to college. I expect to pay for some of it. We cannot afford to pay for all of it. They need to work hard and get scholarships. They need to work to get money for expenses. Grandma left a little money for college, but it is not enough for all of them (especially after her bone-headed financial advisers kept her in stocks during the downturn, despite the fact she was approaching 80 and not in the best health - she lost half her portfolio.)

[Mimm]

My husband and I will help our children as much as we can, but I know we won't be able to provide a free ride to college. We will do everything we can to make high school as intensive as possible in hopes of getting scholarships. And I agree that my kids are not entitled to my help, but they are my kids and I want to help them. Honestly, the cost of quality education in the teen and young adult years is one (though not the only) reason we've chosen to stop at two kids.

[Denisemomof4]

I voted other. We will not be helping all four of our kids equally. Those that are more reckless and irresponsible will likely not be getting our signature on loans, or financial help, so they will have to make decisions on how to proceed in life without the of parents - those parents who were never appreciated for anything they ever did. And don't think you know who I'm talking about here.;) (you being in general - to anyone who reads this!)

 

Our oldest is on college now. We have signed for his loans and are helping as much as we can. We pay for his car insurance and cell phone while he's in college. He just got $950 tax return, so we're hoping he will stretch that out several months to use for his spending money. I'm thinking $100 per month. Lets see if that happens. We won't just start to shovel out money if he was irresponsible. He lived at home and went to a local college for the first year, working and paying his way through.

 

When he graduates, we'll reassess at that time. We will pay what we can. No matter how much money we have, we will not pay it all.

 

The girls are too young to call, but I have an idea of what we're going to do with them, too. And again, no matter how much money we have, we will never pay for all of their college, should they both earn our trust to have a signature for a loan.

[raceNzanesmom]

Our sons will pay their own way through college (just like I did). We'll support them with a place to live (if they attend college here and behave appropriately), our love and non-financial support. They're expected to pay for college, their clothes and other personal items and their car.

 

If we had plenty of money we wouldn't mind helping with a portion. However, our children are not entitled to us paying (no matter how much money we had).

[HappyCrazyMama]

I voted no but we will help out as much as possible, though at this point not much is possible.:)

[Jenny in Florida]

We are prepared to match the amount we have provided for her sister. But if her choices are a lot more expensive she will need to kick in the difference.

 

That's a good point, too.

 

My daughter didn't have the option of working to pay for college, because she was 12 when she started. Even on a campus with programs in place for unusually young students, she was not eligible for work study until she turned 16 in the middle of her senior year. So, she got the scholarships and did her best to live frugally (used textbooks when she could, careful grocery shopping, etc.), and we handled the remainder.

 

Having done that for our daughter, we feel we should provide comparable resources for our son. Although he won't start college as early, he will likely be younger than average, which means he won't have the earning and saving opportunities available to traditionally-aged students. He already missed things because we had to accomodate his big sister's education. Short of financial catastrophe, I'm not willing to do less for him than we did for her.

[Soror]

I think it will be a combination of things for us here. I expect dc to work some, as much as can be done and keep up with school. I also expect them to apply for financial aid and hope that they do qualify for some scholarships. We will have put aside in savings as well and they will be offered a place to stay while attending the local CC for at least the first few years that is very affordable. I will strongly encourage them to really work on putting aside part of their money pre-college to pay for it and also in the summers. We will also strongly encourage them to pick an affordable college. Any kind of loans would be looked at lastly and I wouldn't not cosign for them. We will strongly encourage them to take out the smallest amount possible.

Edited September 19, 2011 by soror

[Jenny in Florida]

Those that take offense to the word "entitled", please read post #30 :)

 

It's not that I took offense. It just made it difficult to answer the poll meaningfully. It looks like you have a rather large group of us answering "other," mostly because of the word "entitled." I suspect you might have gotten more useful information if the question were worded differently.

[Wheres Toto]

We're in the middle of all this right now with my oldest. I don't feel she is entitled to an education on us but I want to do what we can to help. I paid for my own college and it took me until I was in my mid-30's to finish. I would like to make it easier on her if I can. She has very good grades at a high school that is known to have high standards, her SAT scores are very good but not great. We went to a college fair yesterday and her grades and scores make her eligible for quite a bit of scholarship money from various colleges. Right now we have her looking at three tiers of schools:

 

In-state colleges that she can commute to

In state colleges that she would have to live in dorms

Out of state colleges

 

Where she can actually go will depend on exactly how much financial aid (not counting loans) is available to her. Theoretically her father is also required to pay half of any college costs per our divorce agreement. He has told her (never discussed it with me) that he wants her to attend the local county college and won't consider anywhere else. While this is NOT what our divorce agreement say, getting more out of him may require taking him to court so I doubt we'd have it available for her first year.

 

DH has told her he will pay at least for a local, in-state State College but that anywhere else will be dependent on her working hard and getting financial aid.

[Karen in CO]

Some of the best people I know earned their own college degrees, inlcuding me. I want my kids to earn their way in life and to struggle for the things they value. My ds is currently in college and working hard to make ends meet. He scored high enough on his standard exams to have received scholarships, but lacked the drive to complete the process. However, once he decided what HE wanted, he's earned several schoalrships and found a good paying job that he can work while attending school full-time. I provide a cushion as I'm able, and I'm making his student loan payments until he graduates. The responsibility for the education and the financial choices and burden for it are his not mine.

 

My sil worked her way through college and through her PhD; actually she started by working to send herself to a private highschool. She has been a driven person since I first met her in elementary school and is proud to have earned her own way.

 

I've told my youngers since they were little that they will pay their own way through college. It won't come as a surprise for them. My older dd is already saving for college and planning how she might go to one of the service academies. She's planning to buy a plane with her savings if she doesn't have to pay for college.

Edited September 19, 2011 by Karen in CO

[littlebug42]

I do not believe they are entitled to college but we will do all that we can to help them pay for it. My dh works for a state university and for the girls, we will only have to pay 25 % of the in state tuition. Thanks to our savings and some from the in-laws, we will be able to pay that. If they choose to go to a different school, we will pay as much of it as we can.

 

I went to college and between scholarships and financial aid, I paid for it myself with some help from my Mom for living expenses. Honestly, I don't appreciate it all that much. All I know is that 20 years later, all I really have to show for it all is a significant amount of student loan debt. I had a great time and I do feel I got a good education, but I could have done it for much less somewhere else. I was too stupid to know any better then. I do not want my children saddled with the same amount of debt. It is hard enough starting out in adulthood without that burden as well.

[beezus]

I will help mine if I can. I'm setting aside some money, but our resources are fairly limited and there will never be enough to cover all college expenses. My parents helped with some tuition and auxilliary things. I worked and borrowed some money, but my parents' help made the difference. I don't view it as an entitlement thing necessarily, but if a kid is working hard at school, then I want to do what I reasonably can within my means to help that kid succeed. They will probably have to work, try for scholarships or help figure out other ways to pay the cost.

[Carol in Cal.]

Some of the best people I know earned their own college degrees, inlcuding me. I want my kids to earn their way in life and to struggle for the things they value.

 

I've told my youngers since they were little that they will pay their own way through college. It won't come as a surprise for them. My older dd is already saving for college and planning how she might go to one of the service academies. She's planning to buy a plane with her savings if she doesn't have to pay for college.

 

I worked my way through college entirely after the first year and a half. Having said that, I couldn't do it the same way if I were attending now. College costs have increased much faster than inflation. Additionally, more aid is from student loans now, which are a tremendous burden in early career years. I think I read somewhere that you can't even bankrupt out of them, no matter what.

 

I think it's very reasonable not to pay for college or for ALL of college. But to equate students working their way through college now with what that was like when we were kids is unrealistic.

[Tam101]

I picked other.

 

My daughter is a senior this year and will graduate in 4-years. We are so proud of her! She has worked so hard! She got through school with a volleyball scholarship, grants and loans. We have told her we will help with about half her loans. We had to help her with cash her freshmen year and will again this year too, but soph and jr year she had enough money.

 

After the stress of dealing with a sport scholarship, coaches and the extra load, we won't encourage our son to go that route, so we are going to make sure to put money away for him.

[CAMom]

I voted "other." We are paying for their college education but I don't feel they are entitled to it by any stretch of the imagination!

 

Our son is in his first year of college and I basically explained to him that it is his full time job. I showed him the calculations of what tuition, room and board, books, etc. is going to cost per year. I then explained how many weeks he is in school for the year. I explained how much per hour that would be if he were working a full time job. I think he was shocked.;)

 

So, I told him that I expect to get that value out of my investment and that he needs to be a good steward of the money that we are putting towards his education. If he proves not to be a good steward, we will no longer pay for his school.

 

Our daughter will be starting college in 3 years and we'll have the same discussion with her.:)

[cin]

'Other' I don't believe kids are entitled, but I think IF parents can afford to help out, then they should. We will help out as much as we can. If they go local, we might be able to cover it 100%. But that would be just tuition.

[Nscribe]

We view college as a privelege, but one we have prepared to pay for when the time comes. I like others found myself caught in the trap of being excluded from financial based aid due to parents income but left to pay for college on my own. Fortunately, I qualified for many merit based aid options.

 

Something the experience left me with is the strong desire to offer my child a graduated experience in assuming the responsibilities of adulthood. The types of jobs a 17/18 year old generally can do will not generally afford them many choices. The freshman year is an adjustment with or without the additional demands of assuming all responsibilities of adulthood as well.

 

Thus, we intend to help our daughter while gradually allowing/encouraging/guiding and at times forcing her to gain financial independence. Even now we take steps to assure she acquires the confidence, skills and opportunities to practice this. She knows that money is a tool that buys access to opportunities and decisions have consequences. We are her chief employers for many years to come, complete with medical benefits/vacation/per diem.

[Storm Bay]

I put no because we can't afford to pay. We do hope that they'll get scholarships and we will let them live at home if they choose a college in commuting distance. We live in the land of colleges, so there are plenty in commuting distance, thankfully.

[Punks in Ontario]

I had to go for other because they'll have to earn much of the cost. We'll provide some of the cost if they're getting reasonable grades and working hard. IOW, we don't support a party lifestyle, but will help with a sincere effort to get a degree.

[6packofun]

I don't get the all or nothing of this poll, so I voted other. We'll help our dc as much as we can without destroying our own budget and retirement savings that we'll hopefully be able to get started. lol But they are all definitely going to get financial aid and, probably, some sort of loan(s).

 

I guess I've just seen what the majority of college *kids* are like. Kids. For the most part I think it's OK that they don't have it all figured out and might still need guidance from parents. Lots of kids do it all on their own--we all get to hear about that over and over well into their adulthood, right? LOL It depends on how well parents have prepared them up until then, too, and that should dictate a little about how involved they are in assisting once the child graduates.

 

Sending a child off to the world of college with a smile and a prayer can work very nicely. I'm just not taking that chance on something so important and hopefully I'll be kept in the loop so that I won't have to swoop in at the last minute for a crisis that has built up (I did that to my own parents because I didn't want to bother them! LOL). I'm not going to move next to the campus or ruin myself financially, though. LOL

[jdarling]

We are paying for our daughters classes. However, she has to pay for her books and any other extras.

[Carrie12345]

Well, there's entitled, and then there's *entitled*. (So I voted other.)

 

I'll do just about anything short of taking debt on myself and/or jeopardizing our retirement in order to help my kids pay for school. I do feel obligated to provide them with as many tools for success as I can manage.

[WishboneDawn]

Other - sort of. We're putting a little bit away each month but it won't cover much, especially for our oldest. The kids will have to work as well. I keep saying they should get a trade first and then use THAT income to pursue university. :D

[butterflymommy]

We have already told all the kids we will pay for tuition at a public college for a four year degree-- and tuition only. We live in an area with many decent colleges (public and private) so we won't pay for room and board-- they can live at home. If they want to attend a private college, or live in a dorm/ apartment, they will have to pay the difference themselves.

[Ipsey]

My children aren't entitled to it, and we can't afford it.

We'll help how we can, but they'll have to get through the way their father and I did.

 

Scholarships and loans.

 

I managed to get through with no debt, (work study, work, and scholarships) and hubby did it through working and with only $1,000 in loans which his parents paid off as a gift.

 

Part of it depends on where you go. Also, when I taught in a university, I found that students who had to work for their education tended to give it more effort. so, I don't feel too badly.

[Danestress]

But one of those things that I want to provide for my child and believe that parents should, to the extent they are able, financially prepare to help for. Things are tough and a lot of families are having a hard time with just getting food on the table and a safe place to sleep, so no judgment at all for those who simply can't afford college.

 

But I was thinking about how to fund college before I even conceived a child. Man plans, God laughs. There is no "entitlement" and parents face tough choices.

[Renee in NC]

I'll answer here before I read past page 5.

 

Our oldest is in college. Our EFC is 0. Between need-based financial aid and a extremely generous scholarship from his father's employer ($16K+ per year!) he is at a private in-state college. He has some loans ($2-3K) but I hope he will not have to get more (he needs another job on top of the one he has.)

 

We paid his deposit. We pay his medical expenses. We loaned him dh's truck for 3 weeks so he can work on getting another job - his car is totaled and he wants to be able to apply for jobs beyond the nearest commercial area (3 miles one way and he has walked it several times.) My dad loaned him the money for books because he needed them before his loan money was refunded to him (his school does not allow you to charge books to your account.:confused:)

 

All in all, though, he is on his own. We'll do what we can, but he's been given a lot - I hope he takes good advantage of it.

 

For the others - the next 3 boys are not likely to go to college at all. The 13yo will go to a good (hopefully) auto mechanics program. The next two are still up in the air, but their LDs are likely to keep them from a 4-year program. Even if that changes, our current plan is community college and then a 4-year state school or a private school with really good financial aid.

 

We will help as much as we can as long as we feel they are putting their time, energy, and money to good use (and ours!) Our circumstances will have them mostly on their own, though.;)

[The Girls' Mom]

Our kids will pay their own way. We've told them that from the beginning. What schooling dh and I got, we paid for. Dh's parents did help take out a student loan when he was in school, but as soon as he had employment AFTER school, he assumed the loan and paid it off. (he knew they couldn't really afford it) He owns his education and worked hard for it. We feel that is a good thing.

 

Our kids will be welcome to live at home while in school, in fact it's encouraged. We will do what we can to help, but the bulk of the expense will be on their shoulders. They will also be encouraged to take out as little debt as humanly possible.

[Impish]

We'll do what we can, as we can, depending on the situation.

 

For one, free room and board while in school. That's the very basic starting point of what we will be able to do.

 

I'll be encouraging the kids to attend eves/pt while still technically in high school, just to try and nibble away at the overall tuition costs, and can totally see being able to pay several hundred dollars for a course at a time vs tens of thousands for a year.

 

That being said, all will be expected to earn...be it working, scholarships, or loans.

 

Even if we win the lotto, we wouldn't pay their entire way. I firmly believe, through personal experiences and witnessing, that an earned something is more valued than a given something.

[JeneralMom]

My parents paid both my brother's and my way through University, but I paid for MA and PhD. My parents also did not believe that students should work while they are in class, so we only worked in the summer, and we were not allowed to work at all during High School years (this was the same for all my friends). My DB now has 2 Uni-age DDs and so far he has fully paid for their courses, books, fees, and housing if they lived in dorms or at home. If they chose to live off campus or outside home, then they are responsible. However, DH and I are in a totally different economic situation and will have 5 kids to put through in fairly rapid succession. We will encourage them to live at home and make smart choices in terms of classes, as well as helping them with the search for scholarships/grants. However, I know they will have to take loans out, and they are on their own for Graduate Work.

[angela in ohio]

Agreeing with many: we will pay for it, but they aren't entitled to it.

 

They will earn it through their hard work. They will have expectations placed on them during their entire college career. But we will provide the financial support (I will be going back to work in a few years largely in order to finance college.) Their scholarships and money they earn will help determine how many options they will have (there is a limit to what we can afford,) though.

 

I personally don't think that our commitment ends at 18. I think that is an arbitrary age, and it doesn't apply to our family decisions. We will support our dc until they are "done." :D To dh and I, for our family, that means finished with college.

[Dmmetler]

My parents' requirement growing up was that my brother and I pay for at least 50% of our bachelors, and any degrees after the first bachelor's. I paid for mine via a full-tuition scholarship/dorm grant, so my parents paid for my meal plan, books, and travel since I went out of state. I did have a college work-study job and summer jobs to pay for incidentals. DH paid for 100% of his degree-his parents couldn't help financially, but was able to stack scholarships on top of fairly significant financial aid which could be used to pay for housing, books, meal plan, and so on.

 

However, both DH and I paid a price for this-we both went to state colleges that were strong, but not the top in the US, in our fields, as opposed to more prestigious schools, where we could get in, but the package wasn't nearly as good. On one hand, I had a good experience at my less prestigious school, and for someone who ultimately ended up teaching music, I would have a hard time justifying the heavy student loans-but at the same time, I still wonder what the experience would have been like had I gone to a school focused on the best of the best, as opposed to going from being a big fish in a small pond to a big fish in a lake where the other big fish have been fished out.

 

 

On one hand, I don't regret in the slightest having NO student loan debt, and I don't want DD to graduate from college with a large debt weighing her down-but at the same time, I want her to really learn and stretch herself, and I'm not sure that picking a school based on "what can I easily afford" is going to do that...So I'm torn. The good news is that we have about a decade before we have to start deciding where she'll apply, and another year or so after that before she has to make a choice.

[Crimson Wife]

when I taught in a university, I found that students who had to work for their education tended to give it more effort. so, I don't feel too badly.

 

I keep hearing variations on this; however, by and large it wasn't what I observed when I was in college. Maybe it was because the school I attended attracted primarily Type A overachievers, but I did not observe any general difference in motivation between those who had their educations paid for by their family's generosity and those (like my DH) who financed it themselves.

[DawnM]

Yeah, I am not fully buying that one either.

 

When I graduated from college I asked my dad if I could pay him back. His response? "YES you can! You can provide college someday for your own children. That is how you can pay me back."

 

I fully intend to do that to the best of my ability.

 

However, DH and I did hear someone's idea once that we thought was fantastic. They require their child to come up with the first semester's tuition cost. The child pays his own first semester. However, if he does well and follows the guidelines set by the parents, he can get that $$ reimbursed at the end of the semester to pay the subsequent semester.....always getting reimbursed at the end of the semester.

 

So, he can in fact get full college paid, but it is always after the performance.

 

Dawn

 

I keep hearing variations on this; however, by and large it wasn't what I observed when I was in college. Maybe it was because the school I attended attracted primarily Type A overachievers, but I did not observe any general difference in motivation between those who had their educations paid for by their family's generosity and those (like my DH) who financed it themselves.

[DesertDweller]

I voted other. Our goal was to pay for at least the first two years. With ds, we did pay as much as we could. He ended up paying for some, but was quite able to do so. He only completed about half of his sophomore year. He is currently at a trade school. He ended up taking out a loan, and we are paying the additional amount that he still owes even with the loan. We are able to make payments and are happy to do that.

 

Not sure at this point how things will work out with dd. She would love to go right in to a four year college. She will probably have to go to community college unless she can get a scholarship. We are willing to pay for the first two years for her as well, but we don't have any money saved at this point. We will do the best we can when the time comes. If she can at least get a part time job to pay for her other expenses, I would be happy with that.

 

I don't think their entitled. I don't really like the idea of entitlement for anything. You do the best you can with what you have. If I have it, I am more than happy to help. If not, then they will have to decide if they are willing to do what they need to do to pay for it.

[elfgivas]

fwiw....

 

for our older two, we paid it all. we had started college funds when they were born.

 

we also started a home based business on top of dh's regular job to help pay for it.

 

we did it because we wanted them to have a good start without being overwhelmed with debt from student loans, not because they were entitled to it.

 

ie. it was a gift, not an obligation.

 

for the younger two, we have college funds started, and are putting more into them than we did for the first two. but it will be what it will be. we are thinking the younger two will do the general ed courses at a community college, which is far more affordable, and which means they are applying to universities with community college transcripts, not homeschool transcripts, which we're currently thinking will help.

 

fwiw,

ann

 

eta: we encouraged them to go to the best schools they were admitted to. so we paid four years of stanford, after which she got ta and benefits which paid for the phd, and for the second it was one year of ucsb followed by years of community college and a private school for paramedic training. the paths are different....

Edited September 19, 2011 by elfgivas@yahoo.com

[Audrey]

Our children will have to pay their own way. We are more than willing to help out when we can but that's all we'll be able to do.

 

It was the same way with my parents. They'd send money toward my bill whenever they had a bit extra or would send me a little bit of money to help pay for books.

 

That is the sacrifice my parents made in order to have my mom stay home and it is the same sacrifice we are having to make.

 

Even if I could give my children a free ride, I wouldn't. At least not completely. I think there are benefits to having to work your way through college. The students I saw get into the most trouble (academically and socially) were the kids whose parents paid for everything.

 

I worked my way through private university and thankfully also had some scholarship money.

 

 

:iagree: Daisy summed it up for me very well, especially the bolded.

[FaithManor]

I voted other. We will assist as we can and as the child has shown due diligence and has a great attitude.

 

We've paid for everything for dd that wasn't covered by scholarships. That money is gone and now she will have to take a break from school, work for a year or two, and then go back. This is why she acquired her paramedic license while in pre-med. It was some tough sledding going to college M, W, and F, and paramedic classes on Tues/Thurs plus ambulance shifts on the weekends. But, it will now pay off in a job that will give her a far better than minimum wage, full time and over time, plus excellent health benefits.

 

It's kind of a case, by case basis. A lazy child that isn't working for it or blowing off responsibility, is not going to find us paying for much of anything.

 

Dh's parents could have helped, chose not to, and he ended up with $30,000.00 in student loans and a lot of that because they were too lazy to fill out needed paperwork on time so he was always late for scholarship deadlines, etc. that required parental signature because he wasn't 18 yet...they never filled out FASFA on time, etc. Just ridiculous and it cost him a lot financially.

 

My parents couldn't help. I definitely got need based aid, but I worked my fanny off for merit based aid - music scholarships, etc. and as a result only had $8500.00 in student loans.

 

Entitlement, that's not an attitude we will tolerate. My kids don't feel entitled or at least we haven't encountered that, but the boys aren't there yet. DD, she's been every so grateful for every penny and we've been happy to help.

 

Faith

[Crimson Wife]

DH and I did hear someone's idea once that we thought was fantastic. They require their child to come up with the first semester's tuition cost. The child pays his own first semester. However, if he does well and follows the guidelines set by the parents, he can get that $$ reimbursed at the end of the semester to pay the subsequent semester.....always getting reimbursed at the end of the semester.

 

So, he can in fact get full college paid, but it is always after the performance.

 

Dawn

 

My parents are doing something similar for my brother, who is in his 2nd year of law school. My grandfather, who was a lawyer, had always told us grandkids that he'd help out if any of us wanted to go to law school. Unfortunately, neither he nor my grandmother lived long enough to see my brother matriculate. But my dad decided to use some of the inheritance he received to pay for a year of law school. However, he told my brother it would be the 3rd year that would be paid. :lol: If my brother washed out of the program before that, any resulting loans would be his to pay back alone.

[FaithManor]

Yeah, I am not fully buying that one either.

 

When I graduated from college I asked my dad if I could pay him back. His response? "YES you can! You can provide college someday for your own children. That is how you can pay me back."

 

I fully intend to do that to the best of my ability.

 

However, DH and I did hear someone's idea once that we thought was fantastic. They require their child to come up with the first semester's tuition cost. The child pays his own first semester. However, if he does well and follows the guidelines set by the parents, he can get that $$ reimbursed at the end of the semester to pay the subsequent semester.....always getting reimbursed at the end of the semester.

 

So, he can in fact get full college paid, but it is always after the performance.

 

Dawn

 

 

Along a similar line, a friend of mine had to sign a contract with her parents that she would finish her degree within six years, barring a major complication such as a health issue, and that she would maintain a 3.0 G.P.A., plus never end up the subject of a disciplinary hearing at the school or get in trouble with the law. In exchange, they would pay her tuition and books. If she did not abide by the contract, payments back to mom and dad were expected within six months of leaving school.

 

She finished. As a matter of fact, when she got engaged her sophomore year, her dad showed the contract to her fiance and asked him what his plan was.After reading the contract the boy's plan was for her to finish. Prior to that, he was actually thinking she would quit school and work while he finished his senior year. Boy changed his tune! She finished. He finished. Then they got married.

 

Her younger brother made it through four semesters and decided he really didn't want to continue. He got a good job and began paying his parents back. When he got married three years later, they presented him with all the money he'd paid back to them as a wedding gift. I thought that was really nice.

 

Faith