Home'scool Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 (edited) I am upset right now. I work in an office with another other woman. While one lady was at lunch a huge beetle came marching across the carpet. I have a HUGE phobia about bugs. If I am home alone I will deal with it an try to kill the bug, but it brings me a lot of anxiety (and sometimes broken furniture haha). So I put a trash bin over the beetle to wait for the other woman to get back from lunch. When she got back she told me she would not kill the bug. She *jokingly* told me I needed to grow up and face my fears. I tried to say "it's a phobia that I deal with the best I can but if you don't have that phobia could you just kill the damn bug!" No .... she wouldn't do it! And at any other time this woman is so nice and bends over backwards for people. The thing is, I have had this happen before. People will say "Oh, I can't kill a spider! It will make it rain! hahha" and they they DONT kill the spider. If I was afraid of heights would you make me stand at the edge of a cliff? I guess for some reason people think a phobia of bugs is childish, but I just don't think that is for someone to judge. I can take good natured ribbing etc., but to flat our refuse to kill the bug just seems mean to me. I am leaving the trash bin over the bug for the custodian to get. Edited January 22 by Home'scool 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KSera Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 (edited) I agree people need to understand someone can't just "get over" a phobia just like that and they shouldn't judge you for it or scare you over it. But I also don't find it reasonable to expect someone to kill a bug who doesn't feel okay about doing that. We are not spider killers in our household, we are spider re-locators (not because "it will make it rain"--I've never heard of that, but because spiders are beneficial and are living creatures that are doing us no harm). If I were your office-mate, I would have taken the beetle outside for you. eta: I want to clarify, people absolutely can get over phobias, as they're one of the most treatable mental health conditions, but they usually can't "just get over it" by just deciding to on the spot. Edited January 22 by KSera 15 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted January 22 Author Share Posted January 22 I don't care if she wanted to kill it or take it outside and marry it! I just thought it was mean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indigo Blue Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 Do you think you could do it this way? First, prop open a door. Then, get a broom and sweep the beetle out. It might be fast, but I’ve always found that if I sweep in short quick movements, I can move the bug toward the door faster than it can get away. Maybe you could try this, and it might help for at home, too, when no one is there to help. We usually try to just get them outside. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 I’m sorry, that is mean. I’d kill the bug for you then bring you a bouquet of raid. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indigo Blue Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 3 minutes ago, Home'scool said: I don't care if she wanted to kill it or take it outside and marry it! I just thought it was mean. I kinda think it was weird, too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indigo Blue Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 The broom has always worked pretty well for me, and you can sort of gently cover the bug with the broom as you sweep, keeping it trapped. Then one last gentle sweep at the threshold, and it’s outside. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 (edited) I have a spider phobia, I have mostly been able to overcome it but I am absolutely terrified of huntsman spiders. I can't stand hearing any spider being killed. The crunching of their exoskeleton makes me physically nauseas. Most people understand about huntsman fear. I have in several occasions had complete strangers remove them from my car for me. Huntsman spiders in cars is one of the leading causes of car crashes in Australia. I have had someone ask me to get a spider for them before. No way. I completely refused. Edited January 22 by Melissa in Australia 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 We don’t kill beetles either, but I would have offered to relocate it for you. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 Not to be that person, but I really dislike killing bugs. I do have a little background with buddhism so maybe it roots in that. So I can imagine being taken aback and maybe not responding in the best way if I felt like that was being demanded of me. That is different than making someone who is height sensitive stand by a ledge. That is like someone with fear of heights saying to someone else "hey, someone needs to stand by this ledge because I want that. But it can't be me. So it has to be you.". Even if someone isn't particularly anxious or has a phobia, it isn't a task many people will find pleasant. It's gross, maybe not great for your karma and having a single beetle running around an office that isn't mine doesn't particularly bother me. I get this line of thinking becuase I do have anxiety in some situations. But I also think this isn't an easy or comfortable task for every person and when framed as a demand, that may have people turning on the defensive. I'm sorry it is upsetting for you though. I just personally can imagine feeling uncomfortable on the other side of the scenario so I'd try not to hold it against your office mate if she is otherwise nice.. At home, we have a few methods for catch and release. Luckily we don't have any actually scary bugs where we are. Ticks and mosquitos are the worst. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 I understand your anxiety about the situation and feeling 'abused' by your co-worker. I also see her side of the situation, and your desire for her to kill a large bug does not mean she has to do it. Perhaps a better solution in this case would be to contact the building manager or custodian and inform them of the large bug and potential infestation (I don't know if this is a real possibility in your region). I have a dear friend who is very afraid of snakes, and myself and a group of friends frequently walk together in woods where there are occassionally garter snakes (non-poisonous) sunning themselves on the path. We do not make fun of her fear, but we also do not feed into it by chasing away, removing or killing any of the snakes who are doing their thing. She doesn't ask us to, either. We all have mutual respect for each other and for the living creature. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 (edited) I wouldn't kill the bug, either. And, I wouldn't take kindly to the demand "could you just kill the damn bug!" I also will not kill the spider. It is reasonable of you to make a request, but is also reasonable for others to DENY that request. It sounds very entitled to get online and tell the www that not complying with your requests makes other people "real jerks". Your phobia/anxiety is not the other person's problem, and is not their responsibility to make you comfortable. Edit: I do agree that saying you need to grow up is a jerk move. Edited January 22 by fraidycat 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indigo Blue Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 I can see this from both sides now. I sympathize with being demanded to “get over your fears” and also with being asked to kill the bug. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 Maybe she'd have been more accomodating if you'd asked her to take it outside because they give you the creeps. Most bugs aren't poisonous or anything, so don't deserve to be killed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 7 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said: Maybe she'd have been more accomodating if you'd asked her to take it outside because they give you the creeps. Most bugs aren't poisonous or anything, so don't deserve to be killed. Yes. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knitgrl Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 2 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said: I have a spider phobia, I have mostly been able to overcome it but I am absolutely terrified of huntsman spiders. I can't stand hearing any spider being killed. The crunching of their exoskeleton makes me physically nauseas. Most people understand about huntsman fear. I have in several occasions had complete strangers remove them from my car for me. Huntsman spiders in cars is one of the leading causes of car crashes in Australia. I have had someone ask me to get a spider for them before. No way. I completely refused. I usher bugs outside, usually spiders and wasps, and have taught my children to do that as well. A) I just think they should be outdoors and not in the house. B) The idea of crushing their exoskeletons really squiks me out, and bugs me much more than the bugs themselves. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 Aw, I'm sorry you had a bad experience. One of my kids has a pretty severe insect phobia and routinely calls on someone for help removing one. We try to get the beneficial ones (spiders mostly) outside when possible. I think a lot of people have been told to "get over it" with regard to insect and similar phobias. Your coworker may have been trained so in her own youth and is just carrying that on. Obviously I'm just speculating. I don't think either of you are jerks. It was a bad moment. I hope you can both move beyond it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 I don't kill harmless bugs if I can possibly avoid doing so. I wouldn't kill a beetle ever, though if I knew it was upsetting someone I would likely be willing to relocate it outside. Most spiders I prefer to just leave alone where they are found; killing them seems like such a gruesome, unnecessarily violent thing to do. They tend to be more beneficial than not. If it's a black widow I will squish it. Someone demanding that I kill a bug for them would bother me and I would definitely refuse *see the exception above regarding genuinely dangerous types. Someone politely explaining they have a phobia and asking me to relocate the bug I would accommodate. Oh, and I don't at all mind swatting mosquitoes. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Tiggywinkle Again Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 (edited) If she’s generally a nice, kind person, I’d think this is more about her not wanting to kill something and being unsure how to handle that in the moment(and handling it wrong) vs making fun of your phobia or just being a jerk. I would have relocated it for you, but I also don’t kill bugs. Mice, on the other hand, I detest and have a true phobia, so I do get it, and would happily see them dead all day long, but my husband tries to return them to the field when they get into the garage. My cat, however, has no such scruples. Edited January 22 by Mrs Tiggywinkle Again 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 I think that if you had asked her to take it outside, she would have been happy to do so. I don't think that making fun of your fear or telling you that you need to put on your big girl pants was appropriate. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 Just now, EKS said: I think that if you had asked her to take it outside, she would have been happy to do so. I don't think that making fun of your fear or telling you that you need to put on your big girl pants was appropriate. yes to both of these. Depending on the insect, I may not be comfortable killing it but I would never make fun of someone who was scared of the bug. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Innisfree Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 Agreeing with others: I would have been taken aback by a demand to kill a bug, but would have been happy to take it outside. I hope that I would have recognized that you were under stress, and that the “killing” portion of your request wasn’t what was important to you, just the removal of the bug. To my ear, though, the request would have sounded odd, and I might have focused on the wrong part initially. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathyl Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 I don't like bugs, and I kill any bug I find in my house or garage or shed. And sometimes the ones I find when I'm weeding the flowerbeds. But if it's really fat and big, I usually try to catch it and seal it up in an airtight bag and toss it in the trash, so I don't have to squish it. Or I flush it down the toilet if it's smaller. Mostly, I just drown the bigger and faster ones with bug spray. It stops them in their tracks so I'm not fretting about where they ran off to. Then, I dispose of them after they're dead. You could keep a can of Raid in your desk for future bugs. Especially since you now know you will have to deal with it yourself. Oh, and I've also used trash cans, cans, buckets, towels, anything handy, to put over a bug until dh or dc could kill it for me if it was a really big one. Good luck with your bugs! 😉 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 (edited) You can’t really get mad at someone for not killing something for you. Nice people don’t do that thoughtlessly. In warm weather you can trap and release outside, but when it’s freezing you’re just killing it slowly. If you hadn’t trapped it with the can it would have likely moved on and out of your sight. I probably would have trapped it and released it out of your sight. If you snapped at me I would have probably just stared with raised eyebrows because that’s just not my job. Edited January 23 by KungFuPanda 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 5 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said: I have a spider phobia, I have mostly been able to overcome it but I am absolutely terrified of huntsman spiders. I can't stand hearing any spider being killed. The crunching of their exoskeleton makes me physically nauseas. Most people understand about huntsman fear. I have in several occasions had complete strangers remove them from my car for me. Huntsman spiders in cars is one of the leading causes of car crashes in Australia. I have had someone ask me to get a spider for them before. No way. I completely refused. Don’t take this personal against your people bc I’d already pretty much decided to never visit the island of things trying to kill people aka Australia. But thanks for really cementing my resolve about it. 4 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 5 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said: Huntsman spiders in cars is one of the leading causes of car crashes in Australia. A giant spider might make me crash my car! I actually had a car spider encounter last year--I got bit by a black widow spider while driving. It was dark and my eyes were on the road; I felt the thing bite my arm and slapped it, didn't actually know what it was until I got home and discovered the rather flattened critter down by my feet. My arm was all achy and tingly so I had the joy of spending an evening in the ER but fortunately it didn't get worse than that. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTVKath Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 I"m sorry about the beetle and I sure do hope the custodian removes it before you return. I'm also sorry your coworker didn't realize how seriously afraid you were and made fun of you instead. Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope tomorrow is better!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eos Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 I have a creature phobia that I can't even type the name of. If the name is in the paper or a book I have to skip the page and sometimes won't even finish the book. If people don't have true phobias they don't get what it's like to have one. I'm sorry you were upset, this person might have had all the best and kindest intentions but she was not getting you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 I totally understand phobias, but next time just ask if the person can remove the bug for you. I would happily do this for someone but I wouldn't kill a bug who's not dangerous. It's not the bug's fault. He was just going about his bug life. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 Is there someone in your building who is willing to be the creature wrangler? I've gotten that role in almost every place I've worked because invertebrates, amphibians, and reptiles don't bother me as long as they're not venomous. I won't kill creatures, but scooping a bug into a cup and taking it outdoors...that I'll do. For any mammal, I'm either using a live catch trap or calling Animal control. I know my limits. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 Ugh I hate killing bugs. It's so gross and feels wrong. I would rather live and let live. However, since my daughters don't share my sentiments, I have occasionally killed bugs for the greater good. 😛 It would have been nice if your co-worker at least took the bug elsewhere so you could relax. However, it doesn't sound like she's able to relate to the phobia. TBH I don't think she was a jerk. IMO killing a bug is a bigger ask for some people than for others. 🙂 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 I have to say I'd be quite surprised to come back from lunch and discover that a co-worker had 'saved' a bug for me to deal with, lol. I'd probably assume she wasn't too excited about dealing with the huge beetle, either, and absolutely did not want to set the precedent of being the bug wrangler. Telling you to grow up was uncalled for, but your request probably caught her by surprise. Dealing with the Giant Flying Gangster Bugs that are common in Louisiana and Florida causes me tremendous anxiety, and the screams that I have scrumpt are many. I am phobic to the point of having a serious conversation with a prank-loving friend, letting them know that any prank involving The Bug That Shall Not Be Named, or rubber replicas thereof, would result in genuine anger and much damage to the friendship. I still wouldn't trap one of the demonic creatures and ask a coworker to deal with it when they returned from lunch. If I absolutely could not bring myself to deal with it, I would just inform them of the trapped bug awaiting the custodian, leaving it up to them to move it or leave it as they preferred. I am also afraid of heights (I'm a mess, apparently), but somebody forcing me to stand by the edge of a cliff is not the same as a bug strolling up to me in the office. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 4 hours ago, katilac said: the screams that I have scrumpt are many. Quote of the day! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 I wouldn't kill the bug either, but I would catch and release for you. Many people don't understand phobias and can be very insensitive about them. As if not helping you and making you 'face your fears' is going to instantly cure the phobia! I'm generally ok with most insects and will bring them outside, but if I see an earwig I have to call someone to take care of it. And if it's actually on me I WILL freak out. I suffered with agoraphobia for years, and most family members and friends were very insensitive about it, and at times just plain mean. Even my son, who has his own phobias, gave me a lot of grief about it, because he loves going to malls and I just can't. I can handle any shopping experience nowadays, even Costco on a Saturday morning, but malls still get me. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 I'm sorry people are jerks. sometimes I'll kill spiders - and sometimes I take them outside . . . where they can find bugs to eat. . . . maybe get some beetle traps and put the darn beetle on her desk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 On 1/23/2024 at 8:30 AM, SKL said: Ugh I hate killing bugs. It's so gross and feels wrong. I would rather live and let live. However, since my daughters don't share my sentiments, I have occasionally killed bugs for the greater good. 😛 It would have been nice if your co-worker at least took the bug elsewhere so you could relax. However, it doesn't sound like she's able to relate to the phobia. TBH I don't think she was a jerk. IMO killing a bug is a bigger ask for some people than for others. 🙂 If she didn't want to kill it, she could have taken it outside. her unkind comment of "She *jokingly* told me I needed to grow up and face my fears." is what did make her a jerk. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bookbard Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 I think it's an exaggeration to say Huntsman spiders are a leading cause of car crashes. Occasional, yes, if you google there are a few stories. But the leading cause of car crashes is speed. Other factors - drugs/alcohol/fatigue are huge too, but the number one cause is speed. I did get bitten by a spider while I was driving a car once - it was in my sock. I felt the bite and thought it was an ant. Saw the bite mark afterwards and thought, well, I'm not dead yet so it can't be serious. Really the only spider that is going to kill you is the funnel web, and you'd notice them, they're big. Even with redback spiders now, they just observe you. Actually, someone locally got bitten by a funnel web and they just observed him in the hospital and sent him home. The last person to die from a bite in Australia was in 1979. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 33 minutes ago, bookbard said: The last person to die from a bite in Australia was in 1979. So y'all overdue? 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 2 hours ago, bookbard said: I think it's an exaggeration to say Huntsman spiders are a leading cause of car crashes. Occasional, yes, if you google there are a few stories. But the leading cause of car crashes is speed. Other factors - drugs/alcohol/fatigue are huge too, but the number one cause is speed. I did get bitten by a spider while I was driving a car once - it was in my sock. I felt the bite and thought it was an ant. Saw the bite mark afterwards and thought, well, I'm not dead yet so it can't be serious. Really the only spider that is going to kill you is the funnel web, and you'd notice them, they're big. Even with redback spiders now, they just observe you. Actually, someone locally got bitten by a funnel web and they just observed him in the hospital and sent him home. The last person to die from a bite in Australia was in 1979. Actually huntsman in the car is in the top 5 of leading causes of car crashes Speed and or alcahol/drugs are the leading cause of fatal car crashes. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 30 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said: Actually huntsman in the car is in the top 5 of leading causes of car crashes googled "huntsman spider" and that completely checks out 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bookbard Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 1 hour ago, katilac said: googled "huntsman spider" and that completely checks out Nope. There are people quoted as saying that (eg a driving instructor), but the ABC admits there are no official records kept of spiders causing car accidents. I believe it's an urban myth based on this: 2nd most common cause of accidents is distracted driving, huntsmans would fit into that category, therefore . . . but of course, there are a lot of other distractions. Spiders in the car: Check this one spot before driving to prevent a crash - ABC Everyday The reality is, I've been in a car for 50 years and had a huntsman in there once. Car Accidents Survey and Statistics 2023 - Budget Direct 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 I won’t kill bugs (except mosquitoes, because they hunt me down and bite me), but I absolutely would have taken the beetle outside for you. It was really mean for her to leave it there, knowing you were afraid. Sounds like a power trip. Even if you came across strong in your panic, she is a grown up and ought to have realized that you were in a panic and might not be able to be as polite as you normally are. Where was her compassion for you? I’d be pretty upset if I was you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 (edited) 2 hours ago, bookbard said: Nope. There are people quoted as saying that (eg a driving instructor), but the ABC admits there are no official records kept of spiders causing car accidents. I believe it's an urban myth based on this: 2nd most common cause of accidents is distracted driving, huntsmans would fit into that category, therefore . . . but of course, there are a lot of other distractions. Spiders in the car: Check this one spot before driving to prevent a crash - ABC Everyday The reality is, I've been in a car for 50 years and had a huntsman in there once. Car Accidents Survey and Statistics 2023 - Budget Direct You are lucky. I have had more than 6. 2 times I almost crashed. one time I almost made DH crash, but that time it was running up my leg. I have had a huntsman run across the outside windscreen numerous times. But I was able to stay calm when it is outside Once My sister opened the car door and almost jumped out. My mum was driving. Luckily they weren't on the highway My son has had 11. One time he almost had an accident. My brother has had 5 The home help person coming here had one in her car yesterday. I could go on and on with a huge list. I guess it is more common if you are living in the bush Edited January 25 by Melissa in Australia 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambam Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 I completely understand having a phobia about something, but would it have been okay if coworker caught said beetle and released it outside? That is something my entomologist DD totally would have done. I've had to catch and release more bugs outside since having her than I ever considered doing pre-kids (of course, that never ever occurred to me pre-kids!). I appreciate it when she restrains herself and doesn't tell me all about how useful that particular type of insect is - and how cute they are - and ..... I do think your co-worker was not acting nicely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 16 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said: You are lucky. I have had more than 6. 2 times I almost crashed. one time I almost made DH crash, but that time it was running up my leg. I have had a huntsman run across the outside windscreen numerous times. But I was able to stay calm when it is outside Once My sister opened the car door and almost jumped out. My mum was driving. Luckily they weren't on the highway My son has had 11. One time he almost had an accident. My brother has had 5 The home help person coming here had one in her car yesterday. I could go on and on with a huge list. I guess it is more common if you are living in the bush No. No no no. NO. No no no. (Crosses “Trip to Australia” off list.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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