Where Do You Store Dirty Dishes?

[bolt.]

In our family, our responsibilities are that I cook and my husband washes the dishes. (Edited to add: these are the hand-wash items like pots and pans. The dishes we eat off of go in the dishwasher.) Like everyone, sometimes we drop the ball on our responsibilities, especially when our work is intense, or our health / mental health isn't awesome. When my husband doesn't do the dishes, they build up. I try to pile them neatly on the counter to the left of my sink, but when it goes on for 5+ days, the pile grows, takes up my counter space, making the kitchen feel crowded and messy. The worst is if he thinks something needs to soak, and he leaves it in the sink, filled with disgusting stagnant water for 2-4 days, and I lose the use of one of my sinks.

Yesterday was day 4 of *two* things soaking, one in *each* of my sinks. When I run the water, it runs into the grimy water, which overflows and finds it's way under the dish and somehow down the drain. Gross! But he doesn't spend much time using the kitchen, so I thought it was just something he forgot because it was 'out of sight, out of mind'. He's had a very busy work week. But when I politely brought it to his attention and mentioned that it was making it hard to use the sink, we got in a fight. And now I feel like poop and I can't seem to get over it.

So: Am I out to lunch, or am I, in fact, really seriously patient and understanding about this dish situation? How many of you store dirty dishes for 5-7 days? (If so, where do you store them?) Is there a practical solution where I can, "Solve the problem not the person." -- in this scenario? I've already decided that I'm putting an end to "soaking" after 24h and just dumping the dish and putting it in the regular stack. Is that all I can do? Any suggestions for my crummy marriage dynamic in general? I'm seriously depressed and this isn't helping. Every big fight feels like the end of the world, the end of the marriage, and even so, I feel so apathetic, numb, and neutral about the whole thing. I feel like I don't even care if I have a good, happy, satisfying marriage anymore. I'd settle for one where at least it wasn't 'long stretches of nothing, punctuated by moments of intense anger'.

Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Is it the depression misreading the whole scenario and colouring it in the bleakest possible terms?

DH was apologetic about the fight only about 45 minutes later. He took full responsibility for over-reacting about the dishes. And, I think this is a good thing, he openly admitted to pushing my buttons and trying to be hurtful while he was upset. He's been super conciliatory and really supportive with how bleak I have been feeling yesterday and today. He's a good guy. I don't know what to do.

I've been looking to start another round of therapy lately, so I'm definitely going to get on that -- before this feeling gets worse.

Anyhow: how long do you store dirty dishes, and where do you keep them. How does your system work.

(And maybe this could be a 'support bolt's wellbeing in marriage' thread too?)

Edited October 21, 2023 by bolt.

[Katy]

You are not making a mountain out if a molehill. It’s not sanitary and it’s preventing you from using the kitchen properly. Plus a dish takes less than a minute if you wash it immediately, but the time grows exponentially if you let it sit for days. I would do the dishes myself every night. Leaving anything soaking more tgan 20 minutes invites roaches.  

There is no point in leaving something to soak unless you have something burned onto the inside of a pan. In which case you can boil some water in it, turn the heat off, and add a finish brand dishwasher tablet to the hot water. Let it sit overnight and 90% of the char will come off when you rinse it in the morning. I don’t usually use finish, but it has some enzymes that break down burned food that other brands don’t. 

If something is hard to scrub I use a Brillo Pad. Since I almost never use a whole one I typically buy the half sized ones from Dollar Tree. I have also cut them in half with scissors. 

[catz]

I have to say, absolutely not.  You don't have a dishwasher?  I could not tolerate this for a day.  I would not fight over it.  I would simply not cook again until it was clean.   If you don't have a dishwasher, I might consider that a high priority item.  I'd consider this like a fast path to foodborne illness.  

Everyone is individually responsible for loading their dishes in the dishwasher here.  Rarely we have something like a single pot soaking.  I actually enjoy doing a small number of hand dishes, I watch something on my iPad.  DH is in charge of the clean up when we have large meals/guests.  If I'm cooking/baking, I often wash hand dishes as I go along.

I will also say, I tend to batch cook.  So right now in the fridge, we have soup, a curry with rice, and a cabbage salad with homemade dressing ready to roll.  Breakfast is on the fly (toast, oatmeal, fruit, egg muffins in the freezer, etc).  Then we might have some frozen stuff or sandwich stuff to pull out.

Edited October 21, 2023 by catz

[Heartstrings]

Dishes almost never sit past a second day in my house.   I literally don’t have enough dishes to eat or cook for 5-7 days without washing.  That might be the best way to solve the problem.  Dishes can’t build up if they are needed immediately.  Or stop cooking after the second day and have sandwiches until dishes are washed.   I would probably just wash them myself though, I’d never make it past day 3 of dirty dishes.  

[Indigo Blue]

Oh, bolt. I’m sorry. I think you have a reason to be upset. Not to fuel your fire, but to let you know, yes, that should be something that needs working out. Not something you should talk yourself into thinking you are the one being stubborn and unreasonable. You can’t use the sink when it’s like that. There’s food bits and cold gross water. 
 

I don’t have advice. I just want you to know that I commiserate with you. 

[Katy]

I agree with the sandwich idea. Get paper plates and sandwich supplies and make sandwiches, bagged salads, and chips until the dishes are clean. 

[Heartstrings]

Also, no it’s not unreasonable or irrational to think of dishes as a daily not a weekly task.  He is wrong and out of step with broader society.  Trying to make it a you problem sounds more like gas lighting.  

[LuvToRead]

I don't have a dishwasher so my system is:  I feel up the sink with hot soapy water before I begin cooking and wash as I go.  Then after the meal, I change out the water and everything gets washed immediately.  I rarely let something soak...sometimes if we eat late and I'm too tired to scrub the pot I will fill it with hot soapy water and let it sit on the counter - never in the sink.  Dirty dishes left in the sink drive me nuts LOL  

I don't think your making a mountain out of a molehill because I agree it's disgusting.  I'm the main dishwasher anyway so  I would probably just wash anything left to soak.

 

 

[Indigo Blue]

Dh is not a dish rinser here. But in our case, I do it because I am the one who loads the dishwasher. He does other things. It’s different when you are operating without a dishwasher, though. 

[Katy]

You might consider looking up the flylady cleaning system. It was designed by a woman who was depressed, I think maybe a single mom, and a lot of her system is designed not just to clean your house, but to improve depression. It’s a tiny little habit integration system. She does have books, but the system is free on her website. 

[Annie G]

You’re not being unreasonable at all. You’re doing your job, but he isn’t doing his.  Nobody likes to fight, but you shouldn’t feel bad about your position on the issue. 

[City Mouse]

I’m not sure that the other stuff I wrote is helpful, but Perhaps it is time to re-negotiate the chores. If you don’t like how he does, or doesn’t do, the dishes, is there something else he could take over from you?

[cjzimmer1]

In this house EVERYTHING goes into the dishwasher, pots, pans everything.  If it can't go in the dishwasher it doesn't belong in my house.  Dirty dishes are put in the sink until they make it in the dishwasher.  DH likes to pile them next to the sink which drives me crazy because then half my counter is covered. I prefer them in the sink since they take less space and the yuck can fall into the sink.  I don't quite understand why the yucky soaking water going down the drain is gross.  I'm not sure where else you would want it to go?  But anyways, I have to run my dishwasher 2-3 times a day to keep up and there is always something left in the sink because it didn't fit.  And sometimes yes something sits for several days until it fits because other dishes are higher priority to get in the dishwasher.  This system works for me because I absolutely HATE handwashing dishes and I would far rather deal with dirty dishes in the sink than handwashing.  But it sounds like that system isn't your thing.  Is it possible to put some of the pots and pans in the dishwasher to move them through faster? Only other options I can see are either you wash them yourself when he gets behind or somehow find a way to accept the mess (admittedly I'd find that very hard to do but when you can't change the situation all you can change is your reaction to it).

[Heartstrings]

A slob comes clean has many podcasts and blog posts about Dishes Math and how doing them nightly takes 15-20 minutes, but triples if you skip a night, then quadruples the next day, then turns into an hours long chore.  If you only do it every 5 days, every time you wash dishes it takes hours so your brain starts to think of dishes as taking hours instead of as a pretty quick task.  

[Innisfree]

You aren’t being the slightest bit unreasonable. I’m sorry; I know how disgusting that can get.

When a family member whose house I was in frequently left dishes like that, it was indicative of several things, the most pertinent being long-term depression and serious back pain when (and after) she was washing dishes. Also, there were long-term marital issues. You sound a lot more patient and reasonable about this than her dh did. But, without intervention, it just kept getting worse.

You said that you were thinking about therapy. Any chance you could get your dh in, too, either as joint marital therapy or each individually?

Sending lots of hugs.

 

[Indigo Blue]

When I was growing up, my dad would fill a sink full of warm, soapy water and put all the dishes in, barely rinsed. But he didn’t wash them. They’d sit over night. The next morning, someone would have to stick their hand in the cold, greasy water to drain the sink, rinse the food bits, stack the dishes on the counter, and refill the sink and wash the dishes. 

[ScoutTN]

Not unreasonable at all.

Our house is small and my kitchen tiny with almost no counter space, so pots n pans get washed immediately unless something needs to soak to be easier to clean. 

[Laura Corin]

Twenty-four hours is about the limit here. But almost everything goes in the dishwasher,  even if that means it runs more often. The only exceptions are sharp knives, and uncoated aluminium or cast iron,  so just a few items a day.

[Pawz4me]

You are most definitely not being unreasonable. What he's doing is gross and unsanitary and unfair to you and anyone else in the house. I don't know what advice to give other than what some have already suggested--rethink the division of household chores and/or start using disposable stuff.

In our house almost everything goes in the dishwasher except pots and pans, knives, and my Contigo cups. I do a quick hand wash of those things once or twice a day. It takes very little time.

[teachermom2834]

I would have to take over this job. I know that is the wrong answer because it is so unfair but that is the way things go here. I could not deal with that. 
 

I did convince my dh at once point that whoever cooks should not have to clean up and it is a nice division of labor to have the person who didn’t cook clean up and we have been doing this most of the time but when he leaves it too long I do do it because it is driving me crazy. 
 

My dh would offer to clean up but then say the pans needed to soak and that was 90% of the time a way to avoid actually washing the pan because it didn’t need to soak and he would fill it up with water and never actually wash it. I did call him out on this and point out that I thought at near 50 yo he was a little old for this kind of thing and it has actually stopped.

I do clean up when dh cooks except when he puts off cooking until so late that cleanup is past my time of night that I am willing to still be doing kitchen chores. Then he does it. 
 

So we have a clean up agreement that works about 75% of the time and that is the best I will ever do with my dh as far as these things go. He is just not as trainable as I see other dhs are. 
 

You aren’t wrong but I don’t know how to make a man do things like that. I’d be doing the dishes or using more paper or cooking less or finding some other job to give him.

[fairfarmhand]

I don’t have dirty dishes in the sink overnight unless it’s a rinsed glass or something. Things get washed the same day they’re used because of bugs.

In your shoes I would not cook again till the dishes were washed. 
 

its not you. This is a gross habit. 

[Scarlett]

I did not read other replies yet. 
 

I got all twitchy just ready it. I would lose my mind trying to deal with that. 
 

I would definitely start doing the dishes myself regardless of what all else happens with labor division. The only way I would go back to him doing the dishes is if there was a time limit in the chore. Before bed, no later. 
 

[Forget-Me-Not]

The dirty hand-wash dishes are usually handled immediately after the meal, and never (or rarely) past the end of the day at my house. The kitchen is thoroughly cleaned after dinner—dishwasher loaded, hand-wash stuff washed, counters wiped down, floors vacuumed if needed, trash out if needed. What you are describing would drive me up the wall. 
 

If he’s not willing to change this, I would either propose trading jobs, or take over both and have him pick up something else that he’s more willing to do. Or, as someone upthread said, if the dishes aren’t done, the cooking doesn’t happen. I would likely need what was piled around the sink to cook anyway. I don’t have a ton of pots and pans. 

[wendyroo]

Dishes here get done once or twice a day. They get piled in the sink or next to the sink, and either DH or I load them in the dishwasher as we have time.

During seasons when life and food and dishes got overwhelming (we are in one right now), my go-to strategy is to greatly simplify meals. We can't do sandwiches here due to allergies, but we can plan meals that are fast, easy, and require limited dishes. All I am buying fresh right now is dairy and fruit, everything else is being purchased frozen (with meat pre-cooked). My goal is meals that can be on the table in 15 minutes and use no more than two pots/pans/trays and two cooking spoons/spatulas/tongs. Add in the plates and silverware we use to eat, and everything can fit into the dishwasher.

[kbutton]

I’m so sorry. This is not a fun dynamic.

On 10/21/2023 at 9:58 AM, bolt. said:

DH was apologetic about the fight only about 45 minutes later. He took full responsibility for over-reacting about the dishes. And, I think this is a good thing, he openly admitted to pushing my buttons and trying to be hurtful while he was upset. He's been super conciliatory and really supportive with how bleak I have been feeling yesterday and today. He's a good guy. I don't know what to do.

I’ll attempt a support bolt post.

 please hear how NOT normal your experience is. Your DH should not be flaking out over being asked to not sabotage/trash your kitchen.

*Please don’t quote personal details.*

Ideally, he’d just realize the kitchen was gross, apologize immediately, and formulate a feasible plan to fix it (even if it required him to ask for help to come up with a suitable plan due to scheduling or EF issues).

Taking 45 minutes (or more) to be sorry is more suited to an argument that is about something truly contentious and that might require more than an ordinary level of perspective taking.

Bare Marriage has some good articles about stonewalling. They do have suggestions on how to deal, but YMMV with how entrenched the problem is.

This is not easy. How much leeway to assign your DH is hard to figure out. How to respond is hard to figure out. If this is less narcissism and more trauma on your DH’s part (and growing up with untreated EF issues can be traumatic—you don’t always get treated well), it’s hard to figure out.

Given the way you present yourself, your common sense, and your consideration for others on these boards, you’ve likely tried many things that “should” work. Some people are very “bounces off me and sticks to you” people, and your DH sounds like one of those. I suggest counseling to see if the dynamic can shift. Some people don’t change, but others change slowly or with help. The reason for that dynamic has a lot to do with weather things will shift.

Edited to remove personal details.

Edited October 23, 2023 by kbutton

[marbel]

You are not being unreasonable at all! Leaving a pot to soak overnight isn't going to help get gunk off. Letting dirty dishes build up is nasty.

Honestly? I've never followed the division of labor that says the cook does not clean up. I do 90% of the cooking and probably 75% of the cleanup. I clean as I cook as much as possible. And, I don't want to have to wait around for someone to finish their chore before I can get on with mine. My husband and son will do dishes as needed, but as far as I'm concerned the kitchen is mainly my domain and I'm happy with that. Obviously YMMV on that but I would work on a division of labor that actually works well. Just to be clear, that is my choice for division of labor and my husband is in charge of plenty of other things. 

It sounds as if counseling is in order, if such a thing is causing fights. 💗

[JustEm]

We are pretty relaxed about cleanliness here but dirty dishes isn't something we leave for days on end. 

I'd likely start doing the dishes myself but also let my dh know that his inability to hold up to his side of the chores responsibilities is a marriage issue and we need to figure it out together when he's able to

[Miss Tick]

Hey, hey, hey, I *hear* you and all the parts of your post. I'm the dishwasher here, but I, generally, do not put them away. The dirty dishes stack on the counter for a couple days. I can't stand having icky dishes in the sink, so everything in the counter. When I feel crowded by seeing the dishes pile up I do them. If there is a back up of clean dishes , that delays my washing. I slack on this duty sometimes, but I'm also the weeknight chef, so I pay the penalty of having to work around my own mess. Argh! I timed myself and found that it takes me only 10 minutes to do a counter full of dishes. That has gone a long way to helping me buckle down and just do the needful.

I wonder if you could switch things up occasionally. Like if the counter is full, you wash dishes and order delivery? I would clarify that plan up front, but it might be a way to put a price on your time and the value of everyday chores?

[saraha]

((( @bolt.)))

[pinball]

It couldn’t happen here bc we don’t have enough pots and pans for things to pile up for days at a time.

If something isn’t washed at the end of the meal, the vast majority of the time, it would need to be washed before preparing the next meal. 

So with that in mind, could you cull your pots and pans down to the bare minimum? 

I’m sorry you’re depressed and that this problem is adding to it

[mommyoffive]

1 hour ago, cjzimmer1 said:

In this house EVERYTHING goes into the dishwasher, pots, pans everything.  If it can't go in the dishwasher it doesn't belong in my house.  Dirty dishes are put in the sink until they make it in the dishwasher.  DH likes to pile them next to the sink which drives me crazy because then half my counter is covered. I prefer them in the sink since they take less space and the yuck can fall into the sink.  I don't quite understand why the yucky soaking water going down the drain is gross.  I'm not sure where else you would want it to go?  But anyways, I have to run my dishwasher 2-3 times a day to keep up and there is always something left in the sink because it didn't fit.  And sometimes yes something sits for several days until it fits because other dishes are higher priority to get in the dishwasher.  This system works for me because I absolutely HATE handwashing dishes and I would far rather deal with dirty dishes in the sink than handwashing.  But it sounds like that system isn't your thing.  Is it possible to put some of the pots and pans in the dishwasher to move them through faster? Only other options I can see are either you wash them yourself when he gets behind or somehow find a way to accept the mess (admittedly I'd find that very hard to do but when you can't change the situation all you can change is your reaction to it).

Same.  There isn't anything in our house that doesn't go it.   Can you just put everything in the dishwasher instead???  Dishwashing saves water too so I would just do that with everything.  Hopefully problem solved. 

We do not let dirty dishes sit for more than a dishwashing load.  So maybe 1.5 hours if I am running the normal way instead of fast washing.  In that case I like dirty dishes in a stack on the counter until the dishwasher runs and gets unloaded.  I hate them in the sink.    

 

[Clarita]

Dishwasher or for the things that can't go in the dishwasher the counter next to the sink. It's a pet peeve of mine to put dirty dishes in the sink. To me, that's just an extra gross mess for me to clean up.

[prairiewindmomma]

The above pp have addressed the expectations around dishes thing well.

As to the feelings re: marriage—I would be surprised to hear a person with deep depression describe their marriage as satisfying and fulfilling. Depression tends to be pervasive, so hearing your marriage described as flat is not surprising to me. I suspect a lot of life feels flat and terrible for you right now and only big stuff like anger breaks through. That’s got to be really, really hard. I’d bump up getting into therapy on the priority list, and maybe look at meds or other things to see if you can help get over the hump of balancing brain chemistry. Hugs to you bolt. You have always been so balanced and thoughtful here on the boards and I am sorry to hear you are hurting. 🩷💙🩷

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, prairiewindmomma said:

The above pp have addressed the expectations around dishes thing well.

As to the feelings re: marriage—I would be surprised to hear a person with deep depression describe their marriage as satisfying and fulfilling. Depression tends to be pervasive, so hearing your marriage described as flat is not surprising to me. I suspect a lot of life feels flat and terrible for you right now and only big stuff like anger breaks through. That’s got to be really, really hard. I’d bump up getting into therapy on the priority list, and maybe look at meds or other things to see if you can help get over the hump of balancing brain chemistry. Hugs to you bolt. You have always been so balanced and thoughtful here on the boards and I am sorry to hear you are hurting. 🩷💙🩷

Agree. @bolt. is always the kind voice of reason. 

[Scarlett]

Therapy can’t hurt but honestly dishes left dirty would send me into a deep depression, especially left for days on end and an ongoing issue where another adult is not doing as agreed. 

[Terabith]

My child's bedroom?  By the couch?  I'm constantly kinda going, "Soooo....where are all the glasses?" and kids going, "Oh yeah, I'll get them."

[gardenmom5]

Dirty dishes go in the dishwasher. Handwash (sharp knives, non-stick pots, oversized etc.) items are next to the sink.  Items that need to soak, are in the larger sink (one med. one large).

[Drama Llama]

3 hours ago, cjzimmer1 said:

In this house EVERYTHING goes into the dishwasher, pots, pans everything.  If it can't go in the dishwasher it doesn't belong in my house.  

This.  Yes, I probably replace things more often than I would, but efficiency is worth it. 

The one thing we don't wash is my kid's precious knives.  But he knows that if he left them dirty in my kitchen?  In they'd go.  

I don't know what spaces you have, but I would move them out of my kitchen.  Into the garage, or his office or workshop or whatever.  I am probably not a person to take any kind of marriage advice from, so that is probably the wrong answer.  

[Arcadia]

My husband does like to soak pots and wok. I do empty out the water when I am  making my morning coffee. I don’t like stagnant water longer than overnight. If I don’t have a clean pot or wok, meals would be sandwiches or whatever can be heated in a microwave (e.g. cans of soup pour into bowls).

[kathyl]

My dh tries to do this.  Leaving something in the sink to "soak" overnight or longer.  It's disgusting.  And it feeds the bugs. 

We have lots of ants in the summer here, and they just love it when dh 'cleans' the kitchen.  I think they have parties in there at night.  He also pulls used kitchen towels out of the dirty clothes and uses them to 'clean' up spills, wipe things off the floor, etc.  Gross.  So this summer I decided just to ignore it and see what actually happened with that.  We had ants everywhere - places we hadn't had them before.  Everywhere he had wiped something 'clean'.  And one day he almost slipped down on the tile in the kitchen because he had smeared grease all over the tile floor from using one of those dirty towels to "wipe up" a spill.  Aaack!  

But he takes it a step further, if that's possible.  When he finally gets around to loading the dishes into the dishwasher, he crams so. many. in that the dishes still don't get clean because the hot water can't get to half of them.  Some of them even come out greasy, which I didn't know was possible.  He says he's "saving money" by running the dishwasher less (ie. cramming it so full they don't get clean).  Did I mention he's recently retired ...  🙄

 

So, NO, you are NOT making a mountain out of a molehill, imho.  In fact, it sounds like he's acting a little passive/aggressive with the whole dishes thing because leaving them for 5+ days is tantamount to not even doing them at ALL as far as I'm concerned.  Which probably doesn't have much to do with the dishes in the end ...   

{{{Hugs}}}

 

Edited October 21, 2023 by kathyl

[wintermom]

Bolt, you are not in the wrong here and there's no need for you to feel badly. Dirty pots and pans left for more than 24 hours is nasty, and it just makes it impossible for a kitchen to function. Not to mention this piling up of crap where you are supposed to "work" and provide food for the family is really depressing.  

Thank goodness your dh apologized and hopefully he will take responsibility of cleaning the pots and pans in a much more timely manner going forward. 

[Scarlett]

Just now, wintermom said:

Bolt, you are not in the wrong here and there's no need for you to feel badly. Dirty pots and pans left for more than 24 hours is nasty, and it just makes it impossible for a kitchen to function. Not to mention this piling up of crap where you are supposed to "work" and provide food for the family is really depressing.  

Thank goodness your dh apologized and hopefully he will take responsibility of cleaning the pots and pans in a much more timely manner going forward. 

I agree that is good news that he apologized.  The proof will be in the pudding though.  Will he keep up his end of this agreement that you cook and he cleans? 

[TravelingChris]

Right now, for days. But that is because our kitchen is being demolished and we need more electricity going to our house. Dh doesn't want to use the smaller, older dishwasher downstairs. Furthermore, he has to wash the dishes by hand and I can't help due to my broken left wrist.

Normally, no more than 2 days if we are very busy or dh is gone and I am too tired. I put more items in a dishwasher than dh does. Like I will put dishwashable pans in, and he won't.

 

[Shoeless]

They don't sit longer than a day. I do dishes twice a day. Dirty dishes go in the sink, not the counter. It makes me nuts to see dishes on the counter. At most, dishes will sit overnight.

I'm glad he apologized..It sounds like you're both having a rough time 

[Scarlett]

Just now, Shoeless said:

They don't sit longer than a day. I do dishes twice a day. Dirty dishes go in the sink, not the counter. It makes me nuts to see dishes on the counter. At most, dishes will sit overnight.

I'm glad he apologized..It sounds like you're both having a rough time 

I don’t like dirty dishes on the counter either. Dh will rinse them and set them on the counter. Ugh!

[Shoeless]

5 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I don’t like dirty dishes on the counter either. Dh will rinse them and set them on the counter. Ugh!

Ack, I'd need sedation if that happened here.

[Amethyst]

I would say that it’s time to renegotiate this division of chores. This is not working. Perhpas there are other chores that are better suited to him that will actually get done. 

[rebcoola]

Their are always dirty dishes on the sink and the counter it seems, but its just rotations while waiting for the dishwasher. Nothing sits for days. 

[Scarlett]

47 minutes ago, Shoeless said:

Ack, I'd need sedation if that happened here.

I know! I have to clean it all up and scrub the counter. 

[SKL]

Short answer / The practical solution:  clear the counter(s) near the sink and put the "soaking" dishes on the counter so you can have your sink (or at least one basin) back.

Long answer: 

We too have dishes accumulating at times when everyone is busy.  I won't let dirty water sit for days; after a day, I will at least dump the water and re-fill the dish with fresh hot water.  Otherwise it gets too smelly and gross for me.

I ask people to not put dishes (for soaking or otherwise) in the left sink basin - the one with the in-sink disposal.  I want one sink free for me to dump stuff without further dirtying whatever is in the sink, and without me having to touch something gross when I'm just trying to rinse a dish and get back to work.  I've asked this so many times.  Nobody here gives a crap.  Lately it's always the dirty dog food dish in that basin.  I give up.  But this is one of my pet peeves!

Honestly, it's not worth fighting about.  It's easier to just wash the stuff than to have a fight about it.  It's worth it to me to have a nice clean sink.  But if I don't have time or feel like I'm doing an unfair share of the work, putting the stuff on the counter at least solves my immediate problem.

5 days is really too long.  If your DH doesn't have time to wash the dishes for 5 days, then maybe just wash them.  And if that bugs you too much, bring it up when everyone's in a good mood and not busy.  "DH, is there something we need to rearrange as far as plans to keep the dishes washed?  I really appreciate all that you do [examples list], but having the sink always full of dishes makes it harder for me to cook.  What if I only cooked every other day so that you could catch up on the dishes in between?"