Would you sell your "dream" house? Then what?

[BlsdMama]

  We live on an acreage about 25 minutes from our homeschool program.  Our kids are *heavily* involved - middle school play practice on M, high school mock trial practice M, T, Th, Spanish IV on Friday, Chem on Thursday, etc.  It is one of the biggest publicly funded programs in the nation and we are genuinely friends and love the admins, teachers, etc.  My kids have graduated with our Lit teacher's kids, our daughters have been coached by our "principal's" daughters, my kids are deeply enmeshed with these families.  So we drive.  Technically, I drive... But we all know this is a limited option.  DS has a license and DD will have one in September.  It has been our intention to homeschool all the way through if possible.  Our kids are thriving in this environment - it's the best of all possible worlds.  Homeschooling with options for extra-curriculars, and classes that would be challenging for me to teach - science labs, art, and literary discussions. Five years from now will see our next four graduated.  The youngest children still schooling then would be almost 16, 14, and almost 13. 

My parents and his parents are from the same small town about 40 minutes north.  The program is about 65 minutes from them.  We settled just outside of a great small town between it and them.  The schools in this small town (1.5 miles) are very good, small, and safe.  Graduating classes are roughly 60 kids. It's a consideration if we don't sell and the youngest kids attend here.

This house... we bought this house eight years ago in May.  It has been a total gut and make it fit.  We finished off the basement - WE.  Me, him, the kids, we did it.  It has six bedrooms, a soon to be office for DH, four bathrooms, a separate living room in the basement.  It's not fancy but it's big without losing the coziness and ideal for homeschooling on just under 2 acres.  We built a 3,000 sq foot garden area with raised beds.  We did the landscaping. We built the patio.  We planted all the trees.  We put the shed here with my dad.  I've never been attached to a house ever.  We moved - Army, Oregon for a four year job transfer/adventure, back to the Midwest.  There isn't a spot on this house or acreage that doesn't have a memory for the kids.  And it is accessible - ramp, bathroom, halls.  ALS patients have a lot of equipment.  The bathroom in our bedroom is accessible and halls and our room are big enough for my chair and a hoyer. 

In eight years, the city has begun to expand towards us.  The house has, at best guess, doubled in value, so there's no issue of selling and being upside down.  But it's a wash.  We'd have to drop about $25k into this house to maximize the sale.  We'd clear somewhere around $200k but we'd move to a rapidly growing area.  To get an equivalent house and remodel it for handicap accessibility, we are likely looking at spending what we'd sell this house for so it's a wash.

The pros of selling:
A bigger city means a greater likelihood finding hard to find home caregivers.
Closer to our homeschool program


The cons:
We'd actually move further from family.  If we were close, they'd help a lot.  But move closer just for that? Parents are 70ish. I'm very closed to considering moving to our hometown.  I want what I have - homeschooling with support to make it truly amazing. There are over 1,000 homeschooling families within a 50 mile range more or less.  Do you know what a luxury this is?
Let go of the house our kids have the most connection/memories with us.

 

Thoughts? Considerations?

 

What are we not considering?

[NewnameC]

Stay where you are. 
 

I’ll come back later with my reasons.

[Hilltopmom]

Stay. Your house is big enough for all of you and already accessible for your equipment.

25 min is a normal drive to get to schools/ programs etc in most rural areas.

There’s no guarantee that it would be easier to find in home care elsewhere when the time comes.

[kristin0713]

The pros seem minimal compared to the cons. I’d stay. 

[Katy]

I think you should stay too. You aren’t that far from a really good nursing program and a bunch of college students who are capable of helping. 

The house is already good. The kids have stability. Moving is stressful. Moving with a disability that requires immediate renovation is more stressful. Stress won’t help anyone, and it definitely won’t help your health. 

I suspect my sister’s children are in the same homeschool program as yours. It’s great, but they just moved, and buying there is even more crazy and stressful than other places. 

Can your older kids drive the youngers? Or arw they too young?

[Amy in NH]

Nope. 

We travel 25 minutes each way just about every day to extracurriculars, and sometimes longer distances.  This too shall pass, and we'll still have our lovely home with no neighbors.

If the city is expanding toward you, it is probable that it will continue to do so.

[ScoutTN]

Stay! Absolutely. 

[fairfarmhand]

Stay. If the city is growing toward you that takes care of any of the pros IMHO. The handicap accessible thing is a BIG DEAL (and you already know this) Your kids are of driving age or close to it. Once you get TWO drivers that is going to be an awesome thing and it will only get easier from there as you get more drivers. 

I seriously doubt that there will be more caregivers in the city. That's gonna be a tough one wherever you live. 

[gardenmom5]

If the city is expanding towards you - then "caregivers" will be expanding towards you too.

[prairiewindmomma]

Stay.

[fraidycat]

If I were you, I think I would stay. And this is coming from someone who moved to town because the rural driving to kids activities was one of the reasons I found rural living onerous. But we were only renting w/the option to buy and didn't have accessibility accomodations to consider/build, didn't already have sweat equity into the place, and were there less than a year.
 

 

[Starr]

I'm in the process of moving. It's stressful! In your situation it sounds like you would have to buy a place that's already accessible or not sell until the new house is ready. That would increase stress and cost. Being further away from family doesn't make it easier as your parents get older, for them or you. I think for now I would stay put and get the teens the best driving instruction around. My second choice would be to move closer to family and work schooling and activities around what's available there. 

Edited March 17, 2022 by Starr

[mom2scouts]

Stay. I live within the limits of our small city in a suburban setting and I still have to drive 25 minutes to extracurriculars. I can only dream of having a homeschool program like you describe anywhere near that close. The house you live in has what you need, is a good fit for your family since you did so much of it for your needs, has happy memories, and the city is expanding towards you anyway. Moving is stressful and there doesn't seem to be many pros. Also, moving further away from aging parents makes things harder.

[Carol in Cal.]

Stay. 

Start looking for caregivers before you need them.

Maybe establish a set up in which a live in caregiver could live.  

But stay.  Too many good things about where you are now to leave it, and your kids are probably more attached than you realize.

[Arcadia]

25 minutes isn’t a long ride especially if the city is expanding towards you.  Also your aging parents might need help. My only sibling lives near my parents and he could drop off groceries and takeouts if needed during the pandemic peaks/surge. 

[Harriet Vane]

Definitely stay. 25 minutes is a standard drive to activities--I did that level of driving both when I lived in Chicago and also now that I live in a smaller city. I don't think you'll improve on driving time all that much.

Your house is already set up for your disability and you do all have fond memories and experiences there together.

Make it as easy as possible for family to be get to you, be near you. That also means staying. They are the ones to accommodate, not random caregivers who will come and go.

[Clemsondana]

I'd say stay.  Unless you are in a tiny town or happen to be right next door to an activity, most things are considered close if they are 10-15 minutes away.  From that perspective, you aren't saving 25 minutes each way, you're saving 10 minutes each way.  We try to be efficient around driving, looping things together when we schedule, but the number of person-hours used in a move is large - I'd need to be saving a lot of commute time and actually like the new destination better to make it worthwhile.  

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Please forgive my boldness in the following remarks. If I am out of line, I will delete.

I think I would consider if a move would change the progression of the ALS. Moving, fixing a house to sell, looking for a new home, renovating a new home to meet your needs - all of those are acute stressors. Would that type of stress be harmful to your health? Your progression has been slow and you want to keep it that way for as long as you can.

Have you asked the children what they would like to do? You have made a home for them and that is where YOU are and where you will always be for them. Maybe, in the long term, remaining in the family home is what they will want to do and where they will find comfort and strength.

I would also have a frank conversation with DH about his future plans for the home. Will he remain there permanently? Until the last child has grown and flown? Will he want to downsize and move closer to family?

 

If I had my dream home (which I don't) and it was set up to make life easier for my family in caring for me, I would stay. I would want to be as happy and comfortable as I could be.  It doesn't sound as if you would be able to find an equivalent home without a lot of expense and effort; resources that might be better used elsewhere. There are going to be inconveniences no matter where you live, A 25 minute drive isn't that bad in good weather. 
 

Again, I'll delete (so please don't anyone quote) if I'm out of line.

[Grace Hopper]

Haven’t read all the replies, just jumping in quick to say, I’ve had different dreams in different seasons. I’d sell my dream house when a new dream - ie set of circumstances- set a different standard. The features that made my house dreamy when I had a lot of young children actively schooling at home, engaged with community, are not the features that will make my next home dreamy. 
 

Of course there’s a lot of sentiment involved. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm not understanding why you would want to?  (I don't see any cons to staying put.) 

[Catwoman]

I'm with just about everyone else -- I would stay where you are. And @gardenmom5 made an excellent point -- if the area around you is developing quickly, it will soon be much easier to find local caregivers when you need them.

I don't see any advantage to moving -- I mean, seriously, not a single advantage -- for you or for anyone in your family. You are HOME. 🙂 

[elegantlion]

I agree with everyone, I would not move. 

[BlsdMama]

1 hour ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I'm not understanding why you would want to?  (I don't see any cons to staying put.) 

Commute time would literally go to five minutes. I love that my DD is almost 16 but she has already begun college classes at CC. Next fall semester she’ll take three classes there. She’ll still do mock trial (and help coach DD’s middle school team) but running for DD12’s play practice or DD14’s science class really would be extra for her… And there’s so much extra, you know? It may be that with the $$ we save from her driving a small car and not me with the big van that we hire house cleaning. But there is a time coming when paying a CNA is going to make our budget very tight. There is not a disease out there more expensive than ALS. We have spent six figures out of pocket already between renovations, medical costs, and the van. I hate ALS with a mad passion. 

[prairiewindmomma]

If there are so many homeschoolers in your area, can you pair the younger kids up with moms who are willing to go a bit out of their way to drive your kids?

Are you trying to provide a life for your middles roughly the same that your oldest got? You aren’t in the same circumstances. And, gently, realistically, there is going to come a point when the voice goes and your motor skills to effectively homeschool personally go also but you are still going to be around, and eventually needing 1:1 care. What is your plan for then with the middles and littles? Are you hoping to co-op them all and have a steady stream of drivers and enough oversight from dad to make it work?
 

For me, as a parent, I don’t know that I could work full time and do quality homeschool oversight and coordinate 1:1 care for my spouse. That is a lot. 😞 DD’s round the clock care once she got onto oxygen support and was fully wheelchair bound essentially made her home bound and everything else was just so much more complicated because life wrapped around her care.

Even now, on my bad days when I am not super functional physically, I feel for Dh and how much he has to step in—I see the weight, and it’s why two of mine are in public school and why we live on a public transportation route. He has to work to provide insurance and he only has so much time and energy.
 

My point to all of this is—how realistic is your working plan either way? And what does your Dh think? I think this is so individualistic in circumstances it’s hard for any of us to weigh in. 
 

Hugs!

 

 

 

[Catwoman]

50 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

Commute time would literally go to five minutes. I love that my DD is almost 16 but she has already begun college classes at CC. Next fall semester she’ll take three classes there. She’ll still do mock trial (and help coach DD’s middle school team) but running for DD12’s play practice or DD14’s science class really would be extra for her… And there’s so much extra, you know? It may be that with the $$ we save from her driving a small car and not me with the big van that we hire house cleaning. But there is a time coming when paying a CNA is going to make our budget very tight. There is not a disease out there more expensive than ALS. We have spent six figures out of pocket already between renovations, medical costs, and the van. I hate ALS with a mad passion. 

I feel like you might be placing too much importance on things that are temporary -- the CC situation, for example. Yes, it would be way more convenient for your dd to have a short commute to her CC classes, but she won't be going there forever, so is it worth moving for things like a shorter commute?

And would you really save money in the long run if you have to buy and renovate a new house in order to benefit from the short commute? That will be a very expensive thing to do, particularly with the skyrocketing prices of building materials. 

Obviously, I can't answer these questions for you, but it seems like your family loves your existing home and would be very sad to have to leave it. Also, there is so much to be said for having a long term home that the kids can always come back to, and that has so many years of happy memories in it. 

Praying that you and your family will make the best decision, whatever it turns out to be! 

[BlsdMama]

@prairiewindmomma - such great questions. My ALS doc so says I am the slowest professor he’s seen in his career. For the first 4-5 years there was debate whether I was upper motor neuron dominant ALS or PLS. The difference is the EMG. You must have denervation and reinnervation in at least two areas. Almost two years ago my university doctor said the EMG showed ALS (leg and back.) Mayo did not corroborate and said PLS. The university countered either they didn’t see the fibrillations or I had changes due to recent Botox. This past fall, fibrillations, fasciculations, denervation, and reinnervation were all seen so now it is clearly upper motor neuron dominant ALS. Nurown and AMX0035 have produced plateaus and even (rarely) some reversals. Neither are through FDA yet though we’re fighting heavily. So many unknowns. But no one can promise another 5 years. There are folks who are slow progressors who survived 20 years. That’s extraordinarily unlikely. If I have a surgery tomorrow, it’s likely to speed up and I may not get 18 months. The potential variable is crazy. If I became high need by Fall what would I want? Probably for the youngest three to go to brick and mortar and the other three to finish homeschooling. That’s realistic. Our twelve year old is well established with friends and activities… which brings me to our youngest is only five years from being her age. DH could definitely homeschool a 12yo, 13yo, and 15yo if they are like most of our other children. IF. Such a little word but so loaded. 
 

So this plays into it. Most places in the country have dual enrollment with CC. Here we have it in the middle school level even. Kids can walk to morning class and have afternoon at home. Or they can participate in play and writing then walk home - I’d we were in town. We have a lot of homeschoolers in our area close in. Far fewer out here and even fewer in identical activities, kwim?

 

 That’s the considerations for it…. So hard. If didn’t need care, we would not move. We’d do exactly what we’ve done. The question is do we change it up so we can continue even when I can’t homeschool as actively? Or stay out here because small schools? I am heartbroken about my options for Christian schools. This is a huge factor for me. 

Edited March 17, 2022 by BlsdMama

[BlsdMama]

12 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

I feel like you might be placing too much importance on things that are temporary -- the CC situation, for example. Yes, it would be way more convenient for your dd to have a short commute to her CC classes, but she won't be going there forever, so is it worth moving for things like a shorter commute?

And would you really save money in the long run if you have to buy and renovate a new house in order to benefit from the short commute? That will be a very expensive thing to do, particularly with the skyrocketing prices of building materials. 

Obviously, I can't answer these questions for you, but it seems like your family loves your existing home and would be very sad to have to leave it. Also, there is so much to be said for having a long term home that the kids can always come back to, and that has so many years of happy memories in it. 

Praying that you and your family will make the best decision, whatever it turns out to be! 

Good questions!

DD15 would be our oldest driver. I’m trying to show she’d be out of the equation realistically. DD14 just tested and qualified for early college (9th/10th grade.) We would not start her on campus until 16 like the others, but again, that knocks out older sibs driving. 
 

Definitely no money saving - we’d save money on commuting but expenses would be a wash overall. 
 

Realistically it makes more sense to be in town. Our hearts are in this house. Does that matter? Does, “Remember when we decided to redo the cabinets and flooring when Dad went on that business trip?” or, “Remember when we kept goats in the shed?” matter? Picking out bedroom paint colors and sitting in the basement watching movies during storms? To me the house is a tangible thing that represents who we were when we were starting and healthy and whole as a family. I can’t figure out if it means a lot to us or a lot to them?

[Granny_Weatherwax]

4 hours ago, BlsdMama said:

<snip>

Realistically it makes more sense to be in town. Our hearts are in this house. Does that matter? Does, “Remember when we decided to redo the cabinets and flooring when Dad went on that business trip?” or, “Remember when we kept goats in the shed?” matter? Picking out bedroom paint colors and sitting in the basement watching movies during storms? To me the house is a tangible thing that represents who we were when we were starting and healthy and whole as a family. I can’t figure out if it means a lot to us or a lot to them?

To the bolded (mine), how aware are the children of your dilemma and concerns? If they know nothing, I would pick an upcoming night, have the favorite family meal ready, and have a frank conversation with them. Ask them how and what they feel. You may be surprised at how they respond. At the very least, you will have their input and opinions to use as you and BlsdDad make your decision. 

Maybe discuss it with the older children first. Get their opinions on the extra driving. What they may be willing to sacrifice or postpone. Then discuss it with the younger children who will benefit from the sacrifices and wisdom of their siblings.

Without having open conversations you will never know the answer to that bolded question.

Edited March 18, 2022 by Granny_Weatherwax

[Faith-manor]

I agree with granny. You should talk this over with the kids. This has a huge effect on them both now and sadly, after you are gone. Many hugs, Kelly. 💓💓💓

[fairfarmhand]

One thing that I thought about is, if dh would consider moving after you were to pass, would that be harder on the kids than to move now and create mama memories in a new place. 

I was thinking that if all their mama memories are tied up in one place, that may make it harder in the future for your dh to make a necessary change. 

[BlsdMama]

On 3/17/2022 at 2:56 PM, Granny_Weatherwax said:

To the bolded (mine), how aware are the children of your dilemma and concerns? If they know nothing, I would pick an upcoming night, have the favorite family meal ready, and have a frank conversation with them. Ask them how and what they feel. You may be surprised at how they respond. At the very least, you will have their input and opinions to use as you and BlsdDad make your decision. 

Maybe discuss it with the older children first. Get their opinions on the extra driving. What they may be willing to sacrifice or postpone. Then discuss it with the younger children who will benefit from the sacrifices and wisdom of their siblings.

Without having open conversations you will never know the answer to that bolded question.

You're right of course - but "BlsdDad" - very cute. ❤️

 

[BlsdMama]

On 3/17/2022 at 3:20 PM, fairfarmhand said:

One thing that I thought about is, if dh would consider moving after you were to pass, would that be harder on the kids than to move now and create mama memories in a new place. 

I was thinking that if all their mama memories are tied up in one place, that may make it harder in the future for your dh to make a necessary change. 

I'll admit that's my hangup - what mama memories? Frankly, I'm kind of a bit like furniture at this point.  I move from place to place but the memories able to be made are lacking. I won't cook in a new kitchen or decorate a kiddo's bedroom, wouldn't plant a new tree, create a flower bed, make a new tree swing, kwim?  This is my attachment to here.

We have this ornament we put on the tree in honor of our daughter Hannah who died when she was 12 days. (premature)
She isn't really a missing piece in our lives anymore, but because of that tangible thing, at Christmas, we talk about her, remember that she is a missing part of our family.  This house is drenched in me - every part of it from the time we chipped the windbreak, to the time we converted the old garage to a chicken coop and then a goat house and, well, the sheep are an iffy chapter, lol.  We cut out a pass through one Sunday afternoon because I needed sunshine in the kitchen.  We did the floors, cut down walls, laid tile, painted... then repainted.  We taught Abbie to do ceiling texture then she redid ceilings in three rooms when she was 13, lol.  We stained the basement bedroom floors.  This house is such a tangible symbol of who we were as a family - do hard things, made only possible because we did it all together. ❤️ 

[freesia]

54 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

I'll admit that's my hangup - what mama memories? Frankly, I'm kind of a bit like furniture at this point.  I move from place to place but the memories able to be made are lacking. I won't cook in a new kitchen or decorate a kiddo's bedroom, wouldn't plant a new tree, create a flower bed, make a new tree swing, kwim?  This is my attachment to here.

We have this ornament we put on the tree in honor of our daughter Hannah who died when she was 12 days. (premature)
She isn't really a missing piece in our lives anymore, but because of that tangible thing, at Christmas, we talk about her, remember that she is a missing part of our family.  This house is drenched in me - every part of it from the time we chipped the windbreak, to the time we converted the old garage to a chicken coop and then a goat house and, well, the sheep are an iffy chapter, lol.  We cut out a pass through one Sunday afternoon because I needed sunshine in the kitchen.  We did the floors, cut down walls, laid tile, painted... then repainted.  We taught Abbie to do ceiling texture then she redid ceilings in three rooms when she was 13, lol.  We stained the basement bedroom floors.  This house is such a tangible symbol of who we were as a family - do hard things, made only possible because we did it all together. ❤️ 

Based on this, I would not move. That may be important to them. It is important to you right now. Where do you want to be?  It sounds like at this house. 

[fairfarmhand]

1 hour ago, BlsdMama said:

I'll admit that's my hangup - what mama memories? Frankly, I'm kind of a bit like furniture at this point.  I move from place to place but the memories able to be made are lacking. I won't cook in a new kitchen or decorate a kiddo's bedroom, wouldn't plant a new tree, create a flower bed, make a new tree swing, kwim?  This is my attachment to here.

We have this ornament we put on the tree in honor of our daughter Hannah who died when she was 12 days. (premature)
She isn't really a missing piece in our lives anymore, but because of that tangible thing, at Christmas, we talk about her, remember that she is a missing part of our family.  This house is drenched in me - every part of it from the time we chipped the windbreak, to the time we converted the old garage to a chicken coop and then a goat house and, well, the sheep are an iffy chapter, lol.  We cut out a pass through one Sunday afternoon because I needed sunshine in the kitchen.  We did the floors, cut down walls, laid tile, painted... then repainted.  We taught Abbie to do ceiling texture then she redid ceilings in three rooms when she was 13, lol.  We stained the basement bedroom floors.  This house is such a tangible symbol of who we were as a family - do hard things, made only possible because we did it all together. ❤️ 

Then I would stay.  That means something, that your home is a symbol of who you were before the illness stole so much. 

I hate your disease. I'm just so sad for you and your family. 

[MercyA]

I think you should stay. ❤️

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

How easy would finding an accessible home be in a new location?  That might be a deal breaker: accessibility is so hard to come by.

I also hate ALS.  There are sometimes no great choices, just choices full of compromise and hope.

[prairiewindmomma]

I still think you should stay. In your shoes if I became high needs by fall I would put everyone who can’t drive themselves into school and I’d have the 16 and 14 yo carpool. Once they can get their permit, then they can choose coop and cc. It’s a reasonable enough situation given the totality of the circumstances. 
 

Hugs! 

[Tanaqui]

It doesn't sound like you want to move, and your reasons for moving are pretty flimsy compared to your reasons - both practical and emotional - for staying.

[KungFuPanda]

That’s hard. Accessibility is everything. I know this to my bones. I also know that your memories come WITH you no matter where you are and that large houses and giant gardens can be a physical burden that is overwhelming. I know that taking 5-10 minutes to get places, when your family is moving slower in the first place, is MUCH better than taking 10-20 minutes to get everywhere. 
 

This is hard.  Does the joy you clearly get from your home outweigh the inconvenience of being far from town? Are you that attached to the actual house or an especially golden part of your family’s story? Can you rent out the house for a year or so and find a rental in town to see how you really like that lifestyle?

[Ausmumof3]

I’d probably stay put and hope you can find some kind of help with the running and home management and care. If the house is becoming too much to manage maybe that would be different.

[Eos]

13 hours ago, BlsdMama said:

I'll admit that's my hangup - what mama memories? Frankly, I'm kind of a bit like furniture at this point.  I move from place to place but the memories able to be made are lacking. I won't cook in a new kitchen or decorate a kiddo's bedroom, wouldn't plant a new tree, create a flower bed, make a new tree swing, kwim?  This is my attachment to here.

We have this ornament we put on the tree in honor of our daughter Hannah who died when she was 12 days. (premature)
She isn't really a missing piece in our lives anymore, but because of that tangible thing, at Christmas, we talk about her, remember that she is a missing part of our family.  This house is drenched in me - every part of it from the time we chipped the windbreak, to the time we converted the old garage to a chicken coop and then a goat house and, well, the sheep are an iffy chapter, lol.  We cut out a pass through one Sunday afternoon because I needed sunshine in the kitchen.  We did the floors, cut down walls, laid tile, painted... then repainted.  We taught Abbie to do ceiling texture then she redid ceilings in three rooms when she was 13, lol.  We stained the basement bedroom floors.  This house is such a tangible symbol of who we were as a family - do hard things, made only possible because we did it all together. ❤️ 

Agree with staying.  All of this and especially the bolded will be a comfort to you and your children.  Logistics are hard but not as hard as it would be for your kids to leave the house where you all did these things together.  My two cents - I hold you in my heart though we have never met.

[LifeLovePassion]

I would also stay. We live in the suburbs of a pretty big metro area and are still 15 to 20 minutes from my kids school. Oftentimes we are in the 20 to 30 minute range by the time we hit traffic going places. 

I would also stay because of the memories. We bought this house from an elderly lady whose husband had passed but they had not lived here for over 2 years due to needing to move for his care to someplace more accessible. She said she wished she didn't move because she didn't have any good memories there... All of her good memories were at the house with him. 

I'm sorry You're having to make these decisions.

Edited March 19, 2022 by LifeLovePassion

[DawnM]

Your house sounds perfect for your needs.   I vote to stay.

We were house hunting 3 years ago and I was shocked to find 4,000 sq ft plus houses with only 4 bedrooms.   We needed more bedrooms and it was very hard to find.

The house we settled on was listed as a 5 bedroom house.   However, we have made it into a 7 bedroom by using an area they listed as a 2nd office as one extra bedroom and then we changed the "pool room/rec room" into an apartment for dad.

But this set up was not easy to find.   And it took some construction to get it to where it is right now.

I don't need 3 eating areas, a formal LR, a den, AND a pool room......

[madteaparty]

I priced in a reno, but in the end I decided to sell. The problem with selling is that you need to buy, and it’s an absolutely horrific time to buy. I’m moving because I need to be closer to work and my child absolutely needs to be in school and there’s no public or privates here I would consider sending her to.

the house I’m selling is on gorgeous property and after the reno would have been perfect (we just got an offer from a NYC based celeb). It’s just not in the right place. Im paying approx double the proceeds of this house for the privilege of a closer commute and sending my child to school.I’m weeping over my rose bushes and fruit trees and raspberry patch but alas. 

[kristin0713]

On 3/17/2022 at 3:05 PM, BlsdMama said:

The question is do we change it up so we can continue even when I can’t homeschool as actively? Or stay out here because small schools? I am heartbroken about my options for Christian schools. This is a huge factor for me. 

I've been meaning to come back to comment on this specifically. There are so many online options for outsourcing now. I put both of my kids (10th and 8th grade) in almost all online classes this year and they have had a fabulous year. I wouldn't do that with littles, but as your kids approach late middle school and if you need to scale back your direct involvement, it is a great option. 

[BlsdMama]

On 3/18/2022 at 7:25 PM, KungFuPanda said:

That’s hard. Accessibility is everything. I know this to my bones. I also know that your memories come WITH you no matter where you are and that large houses and giant gardens can be a physical burden that is overwhelming. I know that taking 5-10 minutes to get places, when your family is moving slower in the first place, is MUCH better than taking 10-20 minutes to get everywhere. 
 

This is hard.  Does the joy you clearly get from your home outweigh the inconvenience of being far from town? Are you that attached to the actual house or an especially golden part of your family’s story? Can you rent out the house for a year or so and find a rental in town to see how you really like that lifestyle?

We could easily rent the house but I think it would cause my husband considerable stress. The biggest problem is that we couldn’t find a truly accessible rental for us. Buy a house and do an instant remodel? Yes. But rent for a year? I’d be unable to pee or shower independently. 
 

I think we’d hate everything except that we wouldn’t have to drive. But that’sa big thing, kwim? Today is Monday - my hardest day. It’s four trips in today - DH has bloodwork this morning, play 12-3 and I’ll take DD to an eye appointment, home to bring younger kids and grab DD15, back in to drop her for mock trial, back out to grab whole family, back in for TL & AHG, then home for the night. 
 

But I remind myself - labs aren’ta normal thing, middle school play could be skipped (gasp!), DD15 will drive herself next year, and eventually we won’t do AHG/TL which feels like a big loss for me, lol, because I love these women. 

[BlsdMama]

On 3/18/2022 at 5:02 PM, freesia said:

Based on this, I would not move. That may be important to them. It is important to you right now. Where do you want to be?  It sounds like at this house. 

Can I pick up my acreage and move it to the edge of town? 😉 

On 3/18/2022 at 5:09 PM, fairfarmhand said:

Then I would stay.  That means something, that your home is a symbol of who you were before the illness stole so much. 

I hate your disease. I'm just so sad for you and your family. 

Thank you. I promise I’m not consumed by sadness. I don’t even mind big decisions and big moves, but feeling forced into it makes me resentful, lol. What am I? Two? 
 

Yesterday was part of our spring cleanup and I admit it was a lot. I remember wishing for another ten acres when we moved here. Now I’m thinking, “Whoa! We have a LOT of landscaping, garden space, and general fussiness.” DH doesn’t love landscaping or weeding.  I’m starting to think over my marriage and realize *I* has passions and interests and he just threw himself headlong into everything I loved. It’s very humbling. His moving force and foundation has always been serve, serve, serve. 

On 3/18/2022 at 6:40 PM, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

How easy would finding an accessible home be in a new location?  That might be a deal breaker: accessibility is so hard to come by.

I also hate ALS.  There are sometimes no great choices, just choices full of compromise and hope.

We’d move and immediately remodel. Close friends are remodeling contractors and we’d hire them. They would make it a priority with enough warning and a time frame. They’re remarkable humans. DS works for them too (and is dating their lovely daughter.) We’re very blessed in this way. They did our recent bathroom and it is absolutely perfect. 

On 3/18/2022 at 6:53 PM, prairiewindmomma said:

I still think you should stay. In your shoes if I became high needs by fall I would put everyone who can’t drive themselves into school and I’d have the 16 and 14 yo carpool. Once they can get their permit, then they can choose coop and cc. It’s a reasonable enough situation given the totality of the circumstances. 
 

Hugs! 

We’re actually tweaking some things right now. I don’t want Abigail doing Trig in the fall and driving five days and being stressed. It can wait for senior year. We’re going to go lightweight - Tuesdays and Thursdays I think and fluffy classes. 

[KungFuPanda]

4 hours ago, BlsdMama said:

We could easily rent the house but I think it would cause my husband considerable stress. The biggest problem is that we couldn’t find a truly accessible rental for us. Buy a house and do an instant remodel? Yes. But rent for a year? I’d be unable to pee or shower independently. 
 

I think we’d hate everything except that we wouldn’t have to drive. But that’sa big thing, kwim? Today is Monday - my hardest day. It’s four trips in today - DH has bloodwork this morning, play 12-3 and I’ll take DD to an eye appointment, home to bring younger kids and grab DD15, back in to drop her for mock trial, back out to grab whole family, back in for TL & AHG, then home for the night. 
 

But I remind myself - labs aren’ta normal thing, middle school play could be skipped (gasp!), DD15 will drive herself next year, and eventually we won’t do AHG/TL which feels like a big loss for me, lol, because I love these women. 

Can you hire a driver one day a week? That would be a LOT cheaper and less stressful than moving.  It might be worth the price of Uber or Lyft to take the pressure off.  Or you might know someone who needs a once-a-week gig.