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Questions about Santa?

Mommyof1

By Mommyof1,
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marbel

marbel

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My husband and I had been pretty conflicted about Santa. We had both grown up in Santa families but didn't know how we felt about it with our own kids. We decided that if asked directly we would not lie. So when our oldest was about 4,I think, he asked, and we told him the truth. We read a little book, can't remember the exact name, about the santa legend and St Nicholas (Christian perspective) and that was that for our kids. We told them that they were not to break the news to any Santa-believing friends and as far as I know they never did.

 

My MIL and sister were so mad at us! But it didnt wreck Christmas magic for our kids, as least as far as I could tell.

 

I was 8, I think, when a classmate told me. I was angry with my mom for not telling me sooner, because I felt so stupid. I guess that had something to do with my conflicted feeling.

 

ETA now that I'm thinking about it, I think my kid was relieved to know that no one was coming into our house at night to leave gifts. That came up later, related to the Easter Bunny...

Edited by marbel
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SKL

SKL

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Your child is 5, right?  Around that age, the answer is usually "what do you think" or something that isn't "the whole truth" but isn't a lie either.

 

Around that age, on average, I'd say kids are starting to doubt, but they actually still want to believe.  So they don't want you to burst their bubble.  Gradually the banter moves from creating the fantasy to involving them in the game.  You never actually need to say "Santa isn't real," they will understand as they are ready.

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TechWife

TechWife

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What are the questions? I suggest you answer truthfully. 

 

We don't lie to ds. We didn't do Santa, we told him it was a game a lot of people play and not to spoil their fun. We had a lot of fun with Advent and celebrating the Incarnation. It is a joyous event on it's own.

 

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HomeAgain

HomeAgain

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"Santa is the spirit of unconditional giving.  It is the one time a person gets a gift without having to do anything in return - no thanks are needed, no appreciation needs to be shown.  We all can be Santa, but the idea of St. Nicolas never dying, never leaving the earth, and continuing his mission to give unconditionally is beautiful.  Every year when we pick a child off the Angel Tree, you are being Santa.  Of course there is a Santa - it is just more complex than one person doing the work of an entire world."

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Xahm

Xahm

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We want our kids to enjoy Santa without believing he's real. Or kids ask lots of questions, so it naturally came up early. DD asked if he was real. We asked whether a person would need magic to do the things he's supposed to do. She replied yes. We asked if magic is real, she said no. Then we talked about he's a fun story, a pretend game even grownups play. Just like she'd be upset if she was playing fairies or mermaids and someone came up and told her those things aren't real, she shouldn't tell anyone playing the game that Santa isn't real. It's just not nice or fun.

She did spill the beans to another 5 year old earlier this year, but that's because the kid opened the conversation with "some people think Santa isn't real, but I know he is."

My four year old knows, you can see it in his eyes, but he insists Santa is real magic, when it comes up.

The little kids I know who were bought up with "Santa is a lie" seem to get really confused this time of year as all sorts of friendly folks talk about him, use him in decorations, etc.

Edited by xahm
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klmama

klmama

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We told our dc from the beginning that Santa was a game people played and that they weren't to tell other dc; that was their parents' job.  My youngest's best friend was 9 or 10 before finding out and was amazed that my dc had never told.   ETA:  Dc responded with "What do you think?" and "What does your mom say?"

 

 

Edited by klmama
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busymama7

busymama7

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We have zero issues playing Santa at our house. We have 4 that are old enough to know for sure and another 1-2 that probably do but we never speak of it. As they grow we know they figure it out but it's just not spoken of. When the little ones ask, we either say what do you think or I believe in Santa (because I DO). We also might say I hope you believe so that he can come to our house this year! Mostly they haven't asked and they play along perfectly with those younger. My husband and I both believed fully until somewhere near age 10 and had no issues like feeling lied to or what not. We knew it was a very fun game and honestly we were both sad to figure it out. We are devoted Christians and do not feel that playing Santa is in anyway conflicting there.

I know others do but we do not at all. I would like a children's picture book that talks of St Nicholas while also not spelling out that he isn't "real" so if anyone has suggestions there I would love it.

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purpleowl

purpleowl

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Our stance is "isn't it fun to pretend." So we do have a "Santa gift" for each child, plus Santa is the one who fills stockings with candy, but we make sure they know it's pretend.

 

When she was almost 2, DD#1 had an absolute meltdown on Christmas Eve at the thought of some strange guy coming into our house while she was asleep. We hadn't really decided how we wanted to handle it, but she was surrounded by SantaSantaSanta stuff at daycare. At that point we opted to tell her it's all pretend, and to make that our approach from then on.

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TheReader

TheReader

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DH asks the child "what do you think about Santa?" when they ask us. 

 

If the child steadfastly holds to wanting to believe in the pretend/world of make-believe, we don't disrupt that. If the child voices an opinion that maybe mom or dad is Santa, or that maybe Santa isn't real, or whatever, DH explains the truth. 

 

We spend their childhood discussing St. Nicholas, and how that was the origin of the idea of Santa Claus, so that when they do ask, we are able to remind them of how Santa started with St. Nicholas, and we've been helping to carry on that magic and spirit of giving in our home, and how now they can help us with it as well. 

 

Now that it's only our youngest, I think we'll still answer the same way and then look at ways to turn the giving/spread the giving outside of our home as well (where with the older kids we just invited them into helping make it magical for the younger ones). 

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vonfirmath

vonfirmath

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The little kids I know who were bought up with "Santa is a lie" seem to get really confused this time of year as all sorts of friendly folks talk about him, use him in decorations, etc.

 

Yep. We have never played the Santa game. No presents say "From Santa"  We don't leave cookies for Santa or look for him in the sky. But both of my kids have just about willed them to believe at times anyway. I don't directly contradict, (I'd rather the kids not go to school talking about who Santa really is) but if asked we tell the truth.  I actually have a harder time at church and try to just deflect to talk to their parents because I know some of the parents do play Santa and would be angry to have their teacher address the issue.

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Rosika

Rosika

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We grew up celebrating Sveti Nikola (St. Nick), so he's always been our "guy who breaks in to leave treats and goodies." It wasn't until our older kids were in 4th-5th grade or so, and talking to people outside our family, that they decided they wanted in on the Santa guy also. I think it came up at a baseball game where some kids believed and some did not, and my kids were intrigued. It had never really come up before.

 

They didn't realize "Santa" and "Sveti Nikola" were the same idea until I explained it to them. Sveti Nikola leaves goodies in our shoes, and then comes to visit us every year at the community party - but he's dressed as a Catholic Bishop! They'd seen the fat guy in a red suit, knew he was called Santa, but never asked us about him or why he didn't visit. Santa wasn't a part of our cultural upbringing, so it's not something we passed on to our kids.

 

But my older kids really seemed to want to believe in Santa, despite my explanations. So we let them. We figured they're growing up as Americans, in America, and that we'd adopt the Santa thing. I didn't realize until a few years later that some people consider it a lie or trickery to kids. I didn't understand it, really, because it's not like Sveti Nikola is really leaving treats in our shoes every year. But a friend explained to me how truly awful it was (for her) to learn that this most magical belief was shattered when an older sister told her it was a lie. She still has trust issues with her parents over it, and refuses to participate in the Santa thing. I thought she was unusual, but have come to find out that she's far from alone! Who knew!

 

So my older kids already knew, but my baby at the time grew up always believing Santa comes to fill stockings. She's 12 now. I can't tell if she still believes or if she's playing along. I don't know how to handle this, I've never had to before! LOL She's very sensitive, so I'm just going to keep playing along until she confirms for me that she knows. My older kids don't care anymore, but I'm stuck filling all of their stockings so as to keep up the illusion with my 12 year old. Thanks, kids. I've decided not to continue the Santa tradition with my baby (he's 1) once his sister's done believing. I'll let her do it for him, if she likes, but I'll be officially OUT of the game.

 

I plan to handle it same as I did with my older kids - play up Sveti Nikola including his historical significance, and then explain how he's the American Sveti Nikola. It'll be just another difference in how we celebrate, like what we eat versus what his friends eat. 

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Mommyof1

Mommyof1

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My DD is 5 and because of seeing Santa and seeing TV shows and in books she wants to believe it.

 

Last year at 4 she told us Santa isn't real.

 

I don't like the idea of lying to my kid. My husband agrees and when she ask point blank we do tell her and explain about St.Nicholas and God's gift of Jesus.

 

She wants to believe even though we told her. So I told my husband we should just leave it alone, let her imagine and believe, if she wants. Just like when she pretends she is so many things during the day. At this age they like the land of make believe.

 

When she asks me (which she has been doing every day, lately) I ask her what she thinks.

 

She now asking about reindeers, Rudolph, flying reindeers, sleighs and if they fly and about elfs. I answered honestly and she chooses not to believe me.

 

She wants the truth but doesnt.

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forty-two

forty-two

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Your child is 5, right?  Around that age, the answer is usually "what do you think" or something that isn't "the whole truth" but isn't a lie either.

 

Around that age, on average, I'd say kids are starting to doubt, but they actually still want to believe.  So they don't want you to burst their bubble.  Gradually the banter moves from creating the fantasy to involving them in the game.  You never actually need to say "Santa isn't real," they will understand as they are ready.

 

We didn't do Santa, but my kids of course heard about him in stories and such.  When my oldest was 5, she was very focused on asking whether various things were real or not, and she absolutely wanted a truthful answer.  So when she asked if Santa was real, we told her the truth.  It was easier to do since we hadn't done Santa to begin with, but I think it would have caused real problems if we hadn't told her the truth.  Especially wrt religion and our faith - if we said one invisible being was really real when we ourselves knew better, how could she ever trust us when we said that God was really real?

 

OTOH, my middle dd never went through an intense stage of asking about the truth of things - she didn't have my oldest's burning need to know whether stories were "really real" or not.  I can't remember if she ever asked directly about Santa's realness or not - it might have come up in a discussion about why don't *we* do Santa, but it wasn't the focus.  (And fwiw, my oldest really wanted to do Santa around age 7, well after she knew he wasn't real, so knowing didn't destroy the appeal.)

 

Anyway, I'm generally in favor of telling the truth when asked - a straightforward truth, not something that is "true from a certain point of view" ;), but not from the point of view of the child asking.

 

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gardenmom5

gardenmom5

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depends upon the age and the child.   dudeling was taking it *really* seriously (to the point, I woudn't allow him to watch santa movies.  I'm sure it's the aspie in him.), and I finally answered that yes, santa is make-believe.  I also had to lecture him about NOT telling other kids, and reminding him it can be fun to pretend, etc.

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HSmomof2

HSmomof2

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My dd was 4 when she asked about Santa. We were at the store and she said she thought Santa wasnĂ¢â‚¬â„¢t real because there was no way reindeer could fly. I told her the truth. She walked along quietly for a couple minutes then said, Ă¢â‚¬Å“So, the Easter bunny and tooth fairy arenĂ¢â‚¬â„¢t real either, are they?Ă¢â‚¬Ă°Å¸ËœÅ  We did read the story about St Nicholas and still saw Santa for pictures for a few more years.

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lavender's green

lavender's green

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I start with "what do you think?" and if pushed for the truth, I say that Santa is a fun game we play and they can help us. This gives them the truth, but also lets them keep up the story - 'cause they kind of do want to keep believing.

 

My family kept it up for way too long. They actually acted upset whenever I outright asked for the truth. It's not like I was going to tell the younger kids; I was just sick of being the butt of classroom jokes!

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Selkie

Selkie

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My kids had so much fun believing in Santa when they were little. We've never told them that Santa isn't real, but they all eventually figured it out and it wasn't a disappointment to them. They're teens now and we all still look forward to seeing what Santa brings us each year.  ;)

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theelfqueen

theelfqueen

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We told our kids that Santa is a game played by those in the know to make Christmas extra special for those who don't know... now that they know it's their job to play along for kids who still believe.

 

And then we read the Autobiography of Santa Claus which they love.

 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

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nixpix5

nixpix5

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What are the questions? I suggest you answer truthfully.

 

We don't lie to ds. We didn't do Santa, we told him it was a game a lot of people play and not to spoil their fun. We had a lot of fun with Advent and celebrating the Incarnation. It is a joyous event on it's own.

Us too.

 

With our older boys we did Santa as I had done growing up. One boy rolled with it like most kids do but we had an issue with our other guy. We are a very truthful family and hold honesty high. We talked openly about anything with the boys so when we told them Santa brought presents they believed us. One of our boys just wouldn't out grow it. In 3rd grade when kids were telling him there was no Santa he said "yes there is, my parents wouldn't lie to me" so then we sat him down and told him. He was devastated. Not that there was no Santa but that we lied. He saw it that way. He then said "does this mean there is no easter bunny or tooth fairy either?" It crushed me and made me rethink Santa.

 

So with our 3 youngest we just didn't do it. We weren't Christian before and now are so it made it easier. We were able to say that we celebrate our savior on Christmas and Santa is a fun story that some people partake in. They have been totally fine with it. Not an issue at all. We still pretend to set out cookies and get Santa pics. They still have fun with it. It also makes more sense to them why some kids get so much on Christmas and others don't. It isn't based on those kids being naughty or nice. I am glad we did it this way. My extended family was furious and said we were destroying their childhood. As if a pretend story for a couple years will make or break a child. They just didn't get it.

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kroe1

kroe1

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No matter how truthful we were, the kids believed what they wanted to believe. Lol. I remember one episode of a 4 year old crying and screaming out that Santa was real! After lots of hugs and consoling, I learned to a let t go. They will figure it out when they are ready.

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Tanaqui

Tanaqui

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With our kids? We never lied to them in the first place. "Santa is a fun game, but of course he's just pretend. Nobody could really travel around the world in one night! But it's fun to pretend he gives presents instead of your family."

 

With other people's kids? "What do you think, sweetie?"

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AMJ

AMJ

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We tell our teens that as long as they believe in Santa Santa will bring them presents for Christmas.  And then we take them out shopping when they want to be Santa for someone else.

 

Santa is alive and well so long as people believe in giving.

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JustEm

JustEm

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My response is, "well what do you think?" That usually gets the kids to talk about what they believe and then forget about my opinion. My almost 9 year old asked and I asked him, "do you want me to answer truthfully?x his response was, "no." Meaning he knows the truth but doesn't want it confirmed just yet

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SKL

SKL

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My kids confronted me with evidence - they noticed that I used the same gift wrap (for extended family presents) as Santa.  So I said, "you caught me!  Now I don't have to pretend any more."  Well, that wasn't what they wanted to hear!  They suggested, "but ... maybe Santa brings the presents and you wrap them!"  Nope, too late.  They were a little sad and I wished I'd handled it a little differently.

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Lady Florida.

Lady Florida.

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We always said when ds asked we'd answer with "What do you think?" He was 8-1/2 when he finally asked and it was actually about the Easter Bunny first. When asked what he thought he said he thought it was parents. I asked if he really wanted to know and he said yes, so I told him. A few hours later he asked about Santa. Again, I told him. And finally he asked about the Tooth Fairy.

 

Later that night he said:

 

"So all those presents and money under the pillow and chocolate rabbits came from you and Dad?"

 

Yes.

 

"Wow! Thank you!" 

 

 

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nixpix5

nixpix5

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We always said when ds asked we'd answer with "What do you think?" He was 8-1/2 when he finally asked and it was actually about the Easter Bunny first. When asked what he thought he said he thought it was parents. I asked if he really wanted to know and he said yes, so I told him. A few hours later he asked about Santa. Again, I told him. And finally he asked about the Tooth Fairy.

 

Later that night he said:

 

"So all those presents and money under the pillow and chocolate rabbits came from you and Dad?"

 

Yes.

 

"Wow! Thank you!"

Oh my sweet goodness this is a great story. He sounds so precious :)

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Guest

Guest

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Yep. We have never played the Santa game. No presents say "From Santa" We don't leave cookies for Santa or look for him in the sky. But both of my kids have just about willed them to believe at times anyway. I don't directly contradict, (I'd rather the kids not go to school talking about who Santa really is) but if asked we tell the truth. I actually have a harder time at church and try to just deflect to talk to their parents because I know some of the parents do play Santa and would be angry to have their teacher address the issue.

This was how I started. When my first child was little, I did not play Santa. The presents in the morning were from Mom and Dad, though we didnĂ¢â‚¬â„¢t overemphasize this, either. I didnĂ¢â‚¬â„¢t contradict anything about Santa, but I didnĂ¢â‚¬â„¢t feed it either. BUT THEN, DH had a bad motorcycle accident when dd was four and he could do nothing but lie on the couch for six weeks, leading right up to Christmas. So he and dd watched every Christmas special ever created and after that, she was fully indoctrinated in Santa and reindeer and chimneys and Ho Ho Ho and naughty or nice and North Pole and elves making toys...you name it. Ă°Å¸Ëœ. So I kind of just let my kids believe if they were going to absorb it from the culture anyway. But I still made it fairly easy for them to discover the truth and I did even have one of those Truth About Santa books on St. Nicholas.

 

I do think itĂ¢â‚¬â„¢s true that many kids just want to believe it, even if they are sort of strong logic types who think it seems pretty unlikely. And I can relate to that. I remember some similar things I wanted to believe as a kid, even though I knew intellectually that that was not possible. I just wanted to believe there could be magical things.

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Catwoman

Catwoman

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My kids had so much fun believing in Santa when they were little. We've never told them that Santa isn't real, but they all eventually figured it out and it wasn't a disappointment to them. They're teens now and we all still look forward to seeing what Santa brings us each year. ;)

My ds absolutely loved believing in Santa, and we handled it exactly the same way you did. :)

 

Those years were so much fun and we have so many great memories of waiting for Santa to arrive. If I had it all to do over again, I wouldn't change a thing.

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theelfqueen

theelfqueen

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Understand... my youngest son didn't just believe in Santa. He lived and breathed Santa. He dressed as Santa for Halloween. He slept with a die cast metal Santa sleigh. When he was potty training we bribed him with a visit to the Christmas amusement park to see Santa. ... Santa is serious business for that kid even since he quit believing lol

 

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J-rap

J-rap

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My dh and I were kind of conflicted about it too.  I never remember believing in Santa as a kid, ever.  I remember pretending I did because my parents seemed to enjoy it.  I even left cookies for him, knowing my parents would eat them.  :)   In the end we decided to be truthful, and to tell our kids from the get-go that Santa was fun but pretend.  And we discussed the Christian meaning of Christmas.

 

BUT.  After we told them (probably several times over the years), some of them seemed to talk themselves into believing in Santa anyway.  We didn't argue it with them, but we never talked it up either.  Gifts appeared on Christmas morning and stockings were filled.  If they asked questions, we were truthful.  Sometimes I'd even ask them to help me wrap the "Santa" gifts for their siblings.

 

I guess it was kind of a funny mix, but no one seems worse for the wear because of it.  :)  

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eternalsummer

eternalsummer

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How do you answer?

 

Santa is a story, a mythical character like the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc.

 

We don't lie to the kids.  They don't seem to have complexes for having never believed in Santa. They do go through a phase of not understanding why Grandma and Auntie and Teacher and everyone else is lying to them, and get upset when confronted with the lie, but alas.

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Liz CA

Liz CA

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I used to tell the story of St. Nick and we'd read it together. I did explain how this tradition of Santa came about. But our ds always knew why we celebrated Christmas and that the central figure is not Santa Claus, St. Nicholas or whatever we call him.

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Sneezyone

Sneezyone

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My kids had so much fun believing in Santa when they were little. We've never told them that Santa isn't real, but they all eventually figured it out and it wasn't a disappointment to them. They're teens now and we all still look forward to seeing what Santa brings us each year. ;)

This is what we did too. We never lied. We always said, what do you think? ThatĂ¢â‚¬â„¢s something my parents did with us on everything from politics to Santa.

 

Both of mine became openly skeptical at 8/9 although DD did an awesome job of keeping the spirit of Christmas alive for her younger sib. When DD let us know she was done, we put the Ă¢â‚¬Å“Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa ClauseĂ¢â‚¬ letter in her stocking as a reminder of the joy and spirit of the season that we want to foster. DS is getting it this year. I think the letter helps them process why we preserve the myth.

 

This year at the back to school orientation at DDs school (K-12 and all ride the bus together) the elementary VP was very explicit in asking the children NOT to burst the bubble of the youngest, many of whom really do enjoy the land of make-believe. No sooner had she finished talking than a boy raised his hand and loudly said, Ă¢â‚¬Å“But Santa isnĂ¢â‚¬â„¢t real!Ă¢â‚¬ It was not good.

 

IĂ¢â‚¬â„¢m fine with my kids being non-believers. IĂ¢â‚¬â„¢m not cool with them being the kid that simply has to ruin it for others.

Edited by Sneezyone
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Carrie12345

Carrie12345

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In our house, it's always been "What do you think?" That's how so many things are approached in our house, so they kind of expect that question after having worked that process on monsters, ghosts, ancient myths, various religions, observations in nature, characters' choices in books... 

 

None of my children has ever told me that Santa isn't real, and I have 3 teenagers who help hide gifts and move the darn elf.  (Also, they've been known to slip dollars when the Tooth Fairy screws up.)  One of my daughters came pretty close to saying it when she was around 8, but she held out. When they do figure it out, they clearly decide it's something worth playing along with.

 

That said, I never anticipated having kids spread over as many years as I do.  If I had known that I'd be working on my TWENTIETH YEAR of performing magic, I don't think I ever would have started it.  Santa is TIRED!

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marbel

marbel

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<snip>

 

IĂ¢â‚¬â„¢m fine with my kids being non-believers. IĂ¢â‚¬â„¢m not cool with them being the kid that simply has to ruin it for others.

 

My girl got caught between a believer and a non-believer once, two other girls when they were all around 11.  She said it seemed to be really important to the non-believer that the believer be told the truth.  (I have since come to suspect that the non-believer was on the autism spectrum, for other reasons but this seemed to fit as well.)  When the mothers became aware of the problem, the believer's mom was angry, and the non-believer's mom couldn't understand why, since after all her daughter had been telling the truth.  I think I took my girl out to a cafe as a treat for trying to negotiate the mess on her own - she had been trying to change the subject and move on, but non-believer wouldn't let go.  

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ktgrok

ktgrok

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I love it, but my littles still believe. When we came to that part of Plum Creek (we are reading it now) I had to do some fancy on the fly editing, lol. 

I read the girls the bit that Ma said in On the Banks of Plum Creek.

 

Ds, otoh, was really quite upset about the pretence so he just needed to hear 'There is no Santa. It is me. It is a game some people like to play at Christmas. I am sorry it upset you. We don't have to play that game anymore,'

 

Reading out what Ma said was much nicer :)

 


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ktgrok

ktgrok

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None of my children has ever told me that Santa isn't real, and I have 3 teenagers who help hide gifts and move the darn elf.  (Also, they've been known to slip dollars when the Tooth Fairy screws up.)  One of my daughters came pretty close to saying it when she was around 8, but she held out. When they do figure it out, they clearly decide it's something worth playing along with.

 

That said, I never anticipated having kids spread over as many years as I do.  If I had known that I'd be working on my TWENTIETH YEAR of performing magic, I don't think I ever would have started it.  Santa is TIRED!

 

EXACT same here, except Santa isn't tired. Well, Santa is exhausted, but loves it :)

 

Now, ask me again when I'm wrapping every darned little stocking gift in colored tissue paper. Sigh. THAT is a tradition I wish I hadn't kept from my own childhood. Dear me that takes forever on Christmas eve!!!! (we OVERDO stockings......what fits in the stocking is about 1/3 of what they get...it's ridiculous but it's also a family tradition...even in the lean years when the budget squeaks it is so tight.)

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purpleowl

purpleowl

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What I don't understand is adults who refuse to let children acknowledge that Santa is pretend. We have had more than one instance where my child responds to "what's Santa bringing you" with something about how "it's actually Mommy and Daddy," and the adults try to convince the child that it really and truly is Santa. This happens even when the child has said "Mommy and Daddy told me" that Santa is pretend. I don't get why it's so important to these other adults to make my children believe in Santa. (And it's not because other children are around and hearing them. We've talked about not spoiling the fun for families that like to do it that way.)

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