Sleepovers - how do you do it?

[SKL]

Just curious whether I am a clod or not today.

 

My kids have a friend/classmate with whom they do some things outside of school.  The other mom and I get along well, and are fine with our kids hanging out at each other's houses and going places together.  I hosted one planned sleep-over (just our 3 girls) last summer.  It's the only "friend sleepover" we've ever had, because I am not really a sleepover mom.  :P

 

Currently the kids are in a school-sponsored bowling league.  They need to be picked up from bowling at 4:30 each Friday, which the other mom agreed to do because I wasn't sure about my work flexibility.  To reciprocate, I invite the friend to join us for dinner (restaurant) most Friday evenings, and then I drop her off at her house.  We also have a sleepover planned in 2 weeks because we have a late evening event to attend.

 

Well, today it seems the friend wanted to sleep over, so she talked to my kids about it, and then asked her mom for permission (my kids said the mom said "maybe"), and then about 8pm my kids started asking me what we had planned for tomorrow.  I told them they were scheduled for morning horse riding.  A while later it came out that they wanted me to allow a sleep-over.  From that point on, the friend was very grumpy because I was not on board with a sleep-over tonight.  (Come to find out she even brought a duffel bag in case I said yes.  Ah, so that is why she had her stuffed doggy with her.)  My kids and even my work friend (who was out to dinner with us) kept trying to talk me into it.  I was like, "that's not how it's done."  "Moms need to discuss these things in advance." 

 

Personally I need time to plan and get used to the idea of a sleep-over; plus, I work 7 day weeks and this is a busy time.  My kids' bedrooms aren't so spiffy either, as I don't make them clean throughout the school week.  We could have been out of breakfast food etc.  Aren't there 100 reasons we all could think of why it's not a good idea to broach the subject of a sleepover at 8:30pm the day of?

 

Or am I too picky?  Is the other mom probably miffed that I brought her kid back after dinner?  Or did she probably expect that?  Is it normal for other people to decide that you're going to host a sleepover and only tell you at the last minute?  :P

[ebunny]

I don't know how it's done there, but here the process of a sleepover is somewhat like this:

2 (or more) kids who want a sleepover speak to their respective moms. Usually the child who initiates the idea of a sleepover needs to convince her mum to host it. If all goes well, hosting mum and other mums agree. If not, no sleepover. :tongue_smilie:

 

Or am I too picky?  Is the other mom probably miffed that I brought her kid back after dinner?  Or did she probably expect that?  Is it normal for other people to decide that you're going to host a sleepover and only tell you at the last minute?  :p

 

I don't think you're picky, and I don't know why the other mom should be miffed if you weren't asked (but rather told) to host it?

Mothers need to be in the loop and mentally ready for sleepovers to be happy hosts. ;)

 

Edited March 25, 2017 by Ebunny

[abba12]

At 5th grade, I would expect last minute plans, and frequently did the same. I had a friend who I would go to for a day, and then ask my mum if I could stay a second day, and then without fail we would ask for her to sleepover at MY house the following day. Our parents began expecting it lol. For younger kids it's a bigger ordeal, but, by 5th grade I'd expect them to mostly take care of themselves. If their room is a mess thats their problem, if you're out of breakfast food she could make do on whatever your kids were going to eat (we grew up working class, cereal for dinner during a sleepover was not a strange thing)

 

Having said that, you get the last say and the mother should not be miffed about it. Just make sure that her kiddo didn't tell her that you'd already said yes or anything like that. 

[LucyStoner]

My son who does sleepovers is older than you daughters.  He's 13.  There's only one friend with whom he regularly does the sleepover thing.  The boys usually coordinate and then ask us if it's ok.  No one gets miffed if it is not ok.  But we say yes 90% of the time, at least.  I don't care if the boys' room looks spiffy or not.  There is one other family we have done a few sleepovers with and that's more of a mom arranged thing.  

[SKL]

It's true that I could have left them to their own devices and all that.  I just don't want to encourage the idea that kids can spring this on me.  I'm not a person who is always ready for a party.  Maybe it's the introvert in me, but even hosting a 10yo feels like an ordeal.

[SKL]

I would drop dead if I found out my 10yos had gone and nagged the other girl's mom to let them sleep over without any advance warning, LOL.

[Tanaqui]

Around here, it goes like this: "Hey, can N stay over tonight?"

 

"Um, sure?"

 

Two hours later...

 

"How many kids am I feeding?"

 

"None, I'm staying over at J's house."

 

"What about N?"

 

"She's going there too!"

 

This actually happened today, in fact.

 

But there are some houses they don't stay over at, because Mom doesn't allow it there. (And one or two that I just wouldn't allow. I don't like the parents that much!)

Edited March 25, 2017 by Tanaqui

[LucyStoner]

It's true that I could have left them to their own devices and all that.  I just don't want to encourage the idea that kids can spring this on me.  I'm not a person who is always ready for a party.  Maybe it's the introvert in me, but even hosting a 10yo feels like an ordeal.

 

I don't think it's a problem to say no.  I say no sometimes and the kids and other adults involved aren't bothered by it.  Usually, if I say no I just say "I'm not up for hosting tonight" or "You have too much (insert schoolwork or activity) to do to have a guest that night".  Sometimes the former results in them inviting my son over there instead, which I am usually ok with.  Unless the reason I am saying no is the latter.  

Edited March 25, 2017 by LucyStoner

[Liz CA]

I get the part about wanting to be prepared. We lived rather remote when my ds was in this stage and I explained to him that sleepovers were great as long as I got some notice at least one day ahead of the event. After a few trials and errors he got it.

I never did care what his room looked like. They mostly slept in the loft anyway with sleeping bags on the floor.

 

[Reefgazer]

I avoid these issues by having a blanket ban on sleepovers - we just never participate in them.  That said, I think you handled it as I would have.

[Hyacinth]

We don't do sleepovers either. But if we did, I'd want some notice, for sure.

[Just Kate]

I would drop dead if I found out my 10yos had gone and nagged the other girl's mom to let them sleep over without any advance warning, LOL.

I have become more relaxed about sleepovers as my kids have gotten a bit older. They are 13 and 9, and there are a few friends that I don't mind last minute sleepovers with. That being said, I've told them (my 9 year old dd in particular) that it is NOT okay to bug another mom about sleeping over. We have a neighbor who does this to me and it drives me insane. I am way more likely to say no just because I can't stand how she goes on and on begging to sleep at my house.

[EmilyGF]

Well, we have a lot of sleepovers.

 

BUT I've told me kids not to invite their friend until they have an OK from me.

 

What makes me grumpy is dinners over. Especially when they invite the friend in front of me at 5:00 without permission. Which is why we had the discussion about no invitations until Mom OKs it. 

 

For me, life is easier when the kids have a sleepover because they are engrossed with their friend and then they generally cook breakfast for us. But I also require things like doing all chores and cleaning up the house and practicing all their instrument before sleepovers, so they know that sleepovers are an earned privilege. 

 

Emily

[DawnM]

My son went to a friend's house yesterday afternoon.  Around 8pm he called me and asked if he could spend the night.  SURE!  As long as it isn't at our house!   :lol:

 

My boys have friends spend the night, but they have to ask in advance and their friends have to be respectful and quiet after 11 or 12 so the rest of the family can get some sleep.  For the most part, we haven't had problems with that.

[marbel]

My house and pantry are rarely in a state that I want a random person suddenly spending the night.   I have refused sleepovers that my daughter and her friend cook up simply because I didn't feel like having another person around.    I like it planned in advance, and I don't care who gets mad if they want it and I don't.

 

It might be different if either of my kids had friends that were in and out of our house a lot.   Actually now that I'm thinking about it, we had that before we moved.  So, I guess with very close friends, friends who are practically family but without the family drama, I would be more relaxed about it. 

 

 

[Guest]

Well, if you're too picky, I am, too. I told my kids several times that I DO NOT make last-minute plans for sleepovers or outings, full stop. My kids fo co-op on Fridays and there were several times they tried to make sleepovers happen this way. I said no. I'm not a "more the merrier" kind of person and I don't want kids descending on my house unexpectedly.

 

One time, a girl at co-op wanted my son to go to a dance that was happening in a couple hours. I said No WAY!!! He had no appropriate clothing or shoes that fit him and...just NO! I was reallly on a couple of people's sh!t list, because apparently the girl had bought tickets and had a dress to wear! Well, sorry. We're not an escort service.

 

I know some moms who are totally thrilled with extras coming over any/all the time, but I am not that mom.

[regentrude]

Sleepovers were no big deal in our house when the kids were younger.

Kid asks "Can S sleep over tonight/tomorrow/Friday?". I say "sure", unless there is a compelling reason not to. Because of my work, that would usually be on weekends.

With DS' best friend, sleepovers involved picking up or dropping off at their home 40 minutes away, so that required a bit more planning and a few days advance notice.

I did not expect to be involved in any way except for providing food; I don't have to entertain the kids. I don't care about their rooms; if they feel comfortable hosting, that's their business. 

 

Now with teens, of course, it's more information than asking permission; the 8pm question "Is it OK if T spends the night?" is purely rhetorical since he knows the answer is yes. 

Edited March 25, 2017 by regentrude

[2ndGenHomeschooler]

That sounds pretty normal to me. I did it as a kid. My kids do it. I hate it and am frequently the mom who says "no" to last minute sleepovers. I think I've only agreed to one. I like things planned in advance and sleepovers feel like a big intrusion on my schedule to me. I don't allow them often - usually only for birthdays or other special occasions. I'd love to just be a no sleepover family like some of our other friends but DH doesn't see the issue with them. All that being said, I think your kids are just being normal kids.

[Soror]

Well, we have a lot of sleepovers.

 

BUT I've told me kids not to invite their friend until they have an OK from me.

 

What makes me grumpy is dinners over. Especially when they invite the friend in front of me at 5:00 without permission. Which is why we had the discussion about no invitations until Mom OKs it. 

 

For me, life is easier when the kids have a sleepover because they are engrossed with their friend and then they generally cook breakfast for us. But I also require things like doing all chores and cleaning up the house and practicing all their instrument before sleepovers, so they know that sleepovers are an earned privilege. 

 

Emily

 

 

Sleepovers were no big deal in our house when the kids were younger.

Kid asks "Can S sleep over tonight/tomorrow/Friday?". I say "sure", unless there is a compelling reason not to. Because of my work, that would usually be on weekends.

With DS' best friend, sleepovers involved picking up or dropping off at their home 40 minutes away, so that required a bit more planning and a few days advance notice.

I did not expect to be involved in any way except for providing food; I don't have to entertain the kids. I don't care about their rooms; if they feel comfortable hosting, that's their business. 

 

Now with teens, of course, it's more information than asking permission; the 8pm question "Is it OK if T spends the night?" is purely rhetorical since he knows the answer is yes. 

I expect my kids to do this as well, as I did.

 

I also find it easier for me when there are kids over, as long as it isn't a ton. I don't do a bunch of fancy stuff with them, they go off playing on their own. If the house was decent enough to have people over in the first place it is good enough for sleepover guests. Lastly, I would rather be the place where my kids and their friends hang out, then I know what they are doing and with hs'ing I like to be open to having outings as it can be a bit limiting at times.

[regentrude]

. Lastly, I would rather be the place where my kids and their friends hang out, then I know what they are doing 

 

This. I always loved being the "go-to" house where the kids hung out with their friends, knowing they have a comfortable and safe spot to socialize.

 

We live in a small town, some friends live out in the country, we are a somewhat central location for everybody to congregate. My teens usually hung out here; my DS often has 4 or 5 friends over (they don't all stay overnight).

For the past two months, one of DS' friends who has moved out of town, stays the night a few days a week so he can ride with DS to training in the city; in some weeks he is here for five nights.

But they are older, so I don't have to do any extra driving - I just have to cook enough dinner for the crew.

 

It is nice that they feel comfortable bringing their friends home, and I think it is valuable for them to see us model uncomplicated hospitality.

Edited March 25, 2017 by regentrude

[kroe1]

We have never allowed them, period.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Around here, it goes like this: "Hey, can N stay over tonight?"

 

"Um, sure?"

 

Two hours later...

 

"How many kids am I feeding?"

 

"None, I'm staying over at J's house."

 

"What about N?"

 

"She's going there too!"

 

This actually happened today, in fact.

 

But there are some houses they don't stay over at, because Mom doesn't allow it there. (And one or two that I just wouldn't allow. I don't like the parents that much!)

Pretty much my life. Lol

 

My K, allergy K, S, and G spend a lot of time together. I do require a few hours notice for allergy K, unless she's bringing ample food for herself. My K, G, and S are walking distance. If they stay at S's, they have to pop back here for food to pack.

 

Another girl, B is farther away, but sometimes K will say "B's in town, can I go back with them and stay over?" That's usually 10 minute's notice and will be for 2 or 3 days until they come back to town. B's mom doesn't like schedules or planning, so it's always spur of the moment.

[Annie G]

Growing up my folks were always on board with me sleeping over at a friend's house but rarely wanted to let a friend sleep at ours. As a result, I became that mom who was totally fine with kids sleepovers at our house.  I kind of preferred it because I knew what was going on. 

 

Having said that, being peer pressured into a sleepover isn't cool. That would have made me push back even if I would have normally been on board.  And our kids knew that when I said no to a sleepover that it didn't really mean 'wheedle and convince me to change my mind'.   

 

Do sleepovers today have more organization than they did when my kids were having them? I threw together dinner and they ate, and then they went off to entertain themselves. Usually they snacked later in the evening and stayed up late.  They knew it was time to go to sleep about the third time dh yelled up the stairs for them to be quiet.   It was really not much work on my part, but just like hanging out with friends (now called playdates), things change and I might not know current protocol. 

[zimom]

Growing up, we always made plans at the spur of the moment and my mom did not mind.  However, I just can't work that way.  It is just not in me and my kids know that.  End of discussion.  For my youngest now at this stage, the girls love to come up with things to do together at the last second leaving swim practice.   My daughter knows that is an automatic NO.  I just have to have time to wrap my head around other kids coming to my house or for her to go elsewhere.  It is just how I am, which I fully acknowledge is likely my weakness.   As a general rule, the moms have to talk and the plans have to be made with about 24 hours notice.  

[JudoMom]

I hate ambush plans, but I'm learning to deal with them.  We don't do sleepovers, but I do try really hard to say yes to things when proposed.  This is an intentional change for the benefit of my boys.  Now that they're all older, all I really have to do is provide food.  

But I still really dislike ambush plans.  

[2_girls_mommy]

Haven't read all of the others. But my kids do impromptu sleepovers all of the time. I didn't check the ages of your kids. But at this point mine are 12 and 14. If they are hanging with a friend, it often turns into can she stay over. It doesn't bother me any. We don't do any elaborate plans for just a regular sleepoever. They will stay up late, giggle, play video games, watch a movie, jump on the trampoline, etc. They entertain themselves and it isn't a big deal. 

 

I don't do it if we have an 8:00 in the morning activity just because mine would stay up too late.  If the impromptu doesn't fit then I say no. But 1 extra kid hanging out, eating dinner with us, and sleeping over and giggling with the girls on a non school night is usually welcome. It is part of what makes a happy childhood for a kid IMO. 

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I'm about 50-50 on last-minute sleepovers, but if we have anything planned for the next morning, the answer is always no. I'm a major introvert, so I don't love them, but I remember how much fun my sleepovers were when I was a kid and how a big a role they played in my friendships, so I'm way more likely to host them (the planned-in-advance kind) and allow them (the last-minute kind) than DDs' friends' moms are. And we give the kids the living room for sleepovers, so it's an even bigger inconvenience than it might usually be! 

 

But in your case, SKL, I would have handled it exactly as you did. I taught my kids that we don't invite ourselves to other people's houses under any circumstances, and that if somehow a last-minute hope gets raised (in either direction), be prepared for the parent to nix it, and no pestering is ever allowed. I would suspect that the other mom wasn't bothered by your response, and if she was, well, that's her problem!

[2_girls_mommy]

If we don't have breakfast foods, I always have flour to whip up some pancakes or they can do it. OR it is fun to run to the store and pick up donuts and let them pick out one or something. Anything out of the ordinary is fun to kids. 

[Rachel]

We aren't to the sleepover stage yet. However, I would want more notice, particularly if you already have plans for a couple weeks from now.

 

You may just need some ground rules with your girls. It may be different if different families but it may be that you want 24 hour notice, or no weekdays but a last minute sleepover on Saturday is fine. I also think it depends on the age of the kids. Younger kids need more supervision than teenagers.

 

I have found with last minute play dates I'm perfectly fine with that happening with certain families whose kids are pretty mild mannered. There are other families that I'm only ok with it if we are meeting at a park.

[Seasider]

I am very much like you, OP, in that I believe there has to be some direct contact between parents. However, I have found that kids + social media make things more challenging, as they will happily lay all the plans before consulting any adults. Then they are understandably miffed when their plots are foiled!

 

Anyway, my kids know my rules, and usually after an attempt or two to do an end-run around parents, each has learned that I won't bend in this matter. They learn to let their friends know the planning will be in vain without permission. Over the years most of their friends learn this and come around, but I have actually had one or two young friends of theirs try to wheedle and whine directly to me! Nope nope nope. I don't do manipulative language/behavior and teach my own kids to recognize it and respond accordingly.

 

Anyway, yeah, all that to say it's frustrating, but in similar situations as yours, OP, I've stood my ground. It helps my own kids know there are boundaries. You may love and enjoy this particular young person and her friendship, so what I'm saying here might not apply to you, but sometimes kids make friends who have a much stronger personality than their own. Doesn't mean they can't have those friends, just that it's a good skill to learn how to interact without being railroaded. It's a relationship skill that's quite valuable over a lifetime.

Edited March 25, 2017 by Seasider

[Spryte]

We have sleepovers, but I'm like you in that I like more notice.  I admire the moms who are more able to just run with that 8:30 plan, honestly.   Those are the cool moms.

 

We've done it on the fly, but it's not my preference.  We regularly include various kids for meals or late night s'mores around the fire pit, and we have impromptu guests and parties a lot.  But for sleepovers, I don't know, I just prefer to plan ahead a little.  

 

Ask me at 5 pm, though, and you're more likely to get a yes than at 8:30 pm.  

 

There's something about a kid showing up with a duffel bag and ready to sleep over without my ever having been asked that makes me feel somewhat miffed, even though I know for sure that if that happened here it would be on my kid - he'd have initiated it, and somehow led everyone to think we're moving forward with it (that hasn't happened here, but I could see it maybe happening, sort of organically).  We had similar things happen with dinners here, because we often include others.  One particular kid would just sort of plan on eating here, and ask his parents in advance.  I'd get the, "Can X eat dinner with us?  He already asked his mom and she said yes."  That would annoy me.  Ask me first!  Aaaagh!  But then again, we have such an open door policy, maybe it's my own fault?

 

I wouldn't stress about saying no, in your shoes.  I think the mom either didn't know what was up, or didn't know that *you* didn't know this was being planned.  

 

 

[City Mouse]

You just need to teach your kids what is acceptable to you.

Sit with them and figure out an appropriate strategy for how they can plan a sleep over.

 

It took my way more that 10 years to teach my DH that I did not appreciate him making last minute plans and telling me after the plans were made. I can easily see how a bunch of 10yr olds would need more direct instruction in this area.

 

I do think it is perfectly fine that you do not approve of last minute sleepovers even though others around you may.

Edited March 25, 2017 by City Mouse

[fairfarmhand]

I've informed my kids of the correct procedure...mom needs a few days to prepare. Asking me in front of kids and parents is an automatic no. I dislike being put on the spot like that.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[mommyoffive]

We have never allowed them, period.

 

Right there with you.  

 

 

Before I had kids I thought I would be hosting them. Now nope.  No hosting and no going.  

[Jan in SC]

It doesn't bother me. My parents were the type that needed a lot of prep before anything. It was so difficult. If a friend called on a Saturday morning inviting me to a movie that afternoon, the answer was almost always -no. They even said no if they knew he parents well and didn't need to drive. I think they just took longer to process things. We aren't like that at all, and my parents aren't like that with my kids. They are always up for an adventure now.

[Sarah CB]

We didn't have a lot of sleepovers when the kids were little, but now that they're teens they have sleepovers frequently. My 14 year old likes having his whole group of friends over, so when he has a sleepover there are usually 5 or 6 teens staying the night. I usually ask him to have them over after dinner. My involvement depends on how much I feel like doing. Sometimes I'll bring them a late snack of poutine or nachos or chicken wings. Other times I'll just make sure I have pop and chips available. I've cooked big breakfasts on some mornings and on others I let them cook or just offer something simple like a bagel.

 

My 16 year old will have 2 or 3 friends stay over at a time.

 

We purposefully bought a home that had a big rec room in the basement. There's a comfortable couch with a big TV and a games system, a table where they can play board games or cards, and a ping pong table. I'm happy to be the home where they like to hang out - I'd rather have them here than have them elsewhere. 

 

I am not a big fan of people generally, but I don't mind doing this for the boys and I hope that being a safe and welcoming place for their friends will be a positive thing.

[marbel]

We have sleepovers, but I'm like you in that I like more notice.  I admire the moms who are more able to just run with that 8:30 plan, honestly.   Those are the cool moms.

 

<snip>

 

Hmm, I object to this.   :001_smile:   I think there are different ways moms can be cool, other than being chill with impromptu sleepovers.

 

I'm not a cool mom when it comes to sleepovers, but my kids think I am a cool mom in other ways.  I think I built up some good cool mom points when I spent hours wandering around Philadelphia one night after dropping my daughter and a friend off at a concert (their first).  It was too far to go home, so I wandered the streets and sat in Dunkin' Donuts reading and sipping bad coffee till they were done.  I think there was a sleepover that night, but it was planned. 

 

Lots of people have houses that are not well set-up for sleepovers, mine included.  It's a small split level, and any noise in the family room (where tv is and kids are likely to sleep/hang out) is going to be heard in my bedroom.   I'd go for impromptu backyard sleepovers in appropriate weather, no problem!   :lol:

 

Anyway, my point isn't to say that I'm a cool mom even if I don't allow many/unplanned sleepovers, just that there's more than one measure of cool.   I'm sure most of us have at least one!

 

:coolgleamA:  :001_smile:

[katilac]

I think she showed up with the duffel bag because she had told her mom you said yes, and that's probably why they were so persistent. 

 

It's way easier to host at the last minute if you have a house with a bonus room of some kind, or if your kids have big rooms. My kids have quite small rooms - single beds, no chairs, not a lot of floor space - so that's not a great option. We have one TV and one living room; no den, no playroom, no basement. Open floor plan, so if you're in the kitchen or dining room, anyone in the living room can see you and hear you. We do have an enclosed garage with sofas, but it's also our pantry and a storage area for many things, including expensive samples for dh's work. If we don't know people are coming over, it may or may not be ready for them to use. 

 

There are many potential reasons. You might not need to entertain 10-yr-olds, but you can't leave them home alone and go run errands. Or maybe you wanted to send your kids to bed early and watch an R-rated movie. It really doesn't matter why. If you want notice, you want notice, and that's perfectly fine. 

[katilac]

 

We purposefully bought a home that had a big rec room in the basement. There's a comfortable couch with a big TV and a games system, a table where they can play board games or cards, and a ping pong table.  

 

 

 

Lots of people have houses that are not well set-up for sleepovers, mine included.  

 

The three of us were posting similar points at almost exactly the same time  :laugh:

[Guest]

Hmm, I object to this. :001_smile: I think there are different ways moms can be cool, other than being chill with impromptu sleepovers.

 

I'm not a cool mom when it comes to sleepovers, but my kids think I am a cool mom in other ways. I think I built up some good cool mom points when I spent hours wandering around Philadelphia one night after dropping my daughter and a friend off at a concert (their first). It was too far to go home, so I wandered the streets and sat in Dunkin' Donuts reading and sipping bad coffee till they were done. I think there was a sleepover that night, but it was planned.

 

Lots of people have houses that are not well set-up for sleepovers, mine included. It's a small split level, and any noise in the family room (where tv is and kids are likely to sleep/hang out) is going to be heard in my bedroom. I'd go for impromptu backyard sleepovers in appropriate weather, no problem! :lol:

 

Anyway, my point isn't to say that I'm a cool mom even if I don't allow many/unplanned sleepovers, just that there's more than one measure of cool. I'm sure most of us have at least one!

 

:coolgleamA: :001_smile:

Ha! That's funny and I agree. In some ways, I am not the cool mom. I do not enjoy spontaneous plans AT ALL. I'm also rather "uncool" in that we almost never have soda in the house, don't keep piles of snack foods handy and are not those parents who will go buy three pizzas any given night because a bunch of kids wandered over. Not my style.

 

But I am cool in other ways, ;) I'm just planned cool! I made dinner for my dd and 6-8 friends before all of her high school dances, and provided transportation, because I think it's a waste of money to expect kids/teen boys to pay for restaurant meals and limousines, and I want to make sure everyone is driving/being driven safely. :) I was Cool Mom when we took bus trips to NYC to see Broadway shows and I let DD buy five pounds of M&Ms from the M&M store. :D I was Cool Mom when I hosted Nerf Battle birthday parties with 14 boys at my house. Actually, now that I think about it, as long as the event is planned, I am more than happy to be as cool a mom as I can be, leaving my kids with great memories of that event. I'm just not a "Whatever!" Mom.

[Spryte]

Hmm, I object to this. :001_smile: I think there are different ways moms can be cool, other than being chill with impromptu sleepovers.

 

I'm not a cool mom when it comes to sleepovers, but my kids think I am a cool mom in other ways. I think I built up some good cool mom points when I spent hours wandering around Philadelphia one night after dropping my daughter and a friend off at a concert (their first). It was too far to go home, so I wandered the streets and sat in Dunkin' Donuts reading and sipping bad coffee till they were done. I think there was a sleepover that night, but it was planned.

 

Lots of people have houses that are not well set-up for sleepovers, mine included. It's a small split level, and any noise in the family room (where tv is and kids are likely to sleep/hang out) is going to be heard in my bedroom. I'd go for impromptu backyard sleepovers in appropriate weather, no problem! :lol:

 

Anyway, my point isn't to say that I'm a cool mom even if I don't allow many/unplanned sleepovers, just that there's more than one measure of cool. I'm sure most of us have at least one!

 

:coolgleamA: :001_smile:

You are a cool mom, for sure. :)

 

I was just being silly. Pretty sure I get cool mom points, too. For reasons other than spontaneous last minute sleepovers. 😎

[wintermom]

I'm the same as you, as well as all the families we do sleep-overs with. All my dc's sleep overs are planned in advance and ok'ed by both sets of parents in advance. 

[Catwoman]

One time, a girl at co-op wanted my son to go to a dance that was happening in a couple hours. I said No WAY!!! He had no appropriate clothing or shoes that fit him and...just NO! I was reallly on a couple of people's sh!t list, because apparently the girl had bought tickets and had a dress to wear! Well, sorry. We're not an escort service.

Is anyone else thinking that girl will end up on Bridezillas?

 

Shouldn't finding a date happen before buying the tickets and the dress?

 

Was it the girl's idea or does she have one of those mothers who insists that her dd be a social butterfly and attend every possible event and activity? I know a mom like that and I feel so sorry for her poor dd. Any time the mom hears about a party, even if her dd barely knows the kids, she comes right out and announces that her dd will be attending. She is so obnoxious, and the dd always seems sort of mortified.

[J-rap]

We didn't do many sleepovers, and generally my kids didn't like them at all!  But there were a few kids who we were all so comfortable with (like the two girls that lived next door) that it was no big deal, at all.  No planning or extra work involved.  

 

Also, in our small town we were a "snow family" for a few families.  Public schools required country kids to designate an in-town family they could go home to after school if weather was so bad that buses couldn't operate.  So we got used to the occasional kid coming over for a spontaneous sleepover on snowy days.

 

[LucyStoner]

Is anyone else thinking that girl will end up on Bridezillas?

 

Shouldn't finding a date happen before buying the tickets and the dress?

 

Was it the girl's idea or does she have one of those mothers who insists that her dd be a social butterfly and attend every possible event and activity? I know a mom like that and I feel so sorry for her poor dd. Any time the mom hears about a party, even if her dd barely knows the kids, she comes right out and announces that her dd will be attending. She is so obnoxious, and the dd always seems sort of mortified.

 

Since it was last minute, it is possible that perhaps the girl who asked Quill's son had arranged a date in advance, but they had to cancel (got grounded, sick, family emergency).  I know that sometimes I went to dances with friends or even friends of friends who were in a lurch (I went to a school without formal dances, so I was never asking people to mine, lol). Or maybe someone got stood up.  I once got to go to an Etta James concert with a friend because the girl he bought the tickets for made a lame last minute excuse. I was already with my now-husband, we were just going as friends.  Because who wants to waste Etta James tickets?!   :laugh:

[Catwoman]

Since it was last minute, it is possible that perhaps the girl who asked Quill's son had arranged a date in advance, but they had to cancel (got grounded, sick, family emergency). I know that sometimes I went to dances with friends or even friends of friends who were in a lurch (I went to a school without formal dances, so I was never asking people to mine, lol). Or maybe someone got stood up. I once got to go to an Etta James concert with a friend because the girl he bought the tickets for made a lame last minute excuse. I was already with my now-husband, we were just going as friends. Because who wants to waste Etta James tickets?! :laugh:

If that was the case, though, the girl and her mother had no business being upset with Quill for saying her ds couldn't go. It wasn't Quill's fault if the girl's date fell through.

 

Nice score on the Etta James ticket!!! :hurray:

[LucyStoner]

If that was the case, though, the girl and her mother had no business being upset with Quill for saying her ds couldn't go. It wasn't Quill's fault if the girl's date fell through.

 

 Of course not, but I can see how some last minute invites get made, and I wouldn't be offended to receive one.  It's ok to say no.  But it's also ok to ask and not be thought horrible.  

[heartlikealion]

Am I following correctly?

 

The moms had not agreed but the girl showed up with a duffle bag? Even if the mom didn't pack the duffle bag, how would she not notice it? I think at the point the duffle bag came out, the Mom should have just talked directly to you or told her daughter that it's not polite to invite yourself over like that.

 

I need warning for people to come over. I would like to become the type of person that is more ready for company at the drop of a hat (house clean, snacks, drinks) but I'm not there yet. And certainly not for overnight guests!

[Catwoman]

Of course not, but I can see how some last minute invites get made, and I wouldn't be offended to receive one. It's ok to say no. But it's also ok to ask and not be thought horrible.

I didn't think Quill was offended at her son having been asked to the dance. I thought she was annoyed that the family got angry when she said no.

[Wheres Toto]

I haven't done any sleep-overs with my younger two but they were a regular thing with my oldest.  Quite a few were last-minute things.  BUT, I also had no problem saying no if we had early plans or her room (or the house) were just too messy to allow anyone to see them.  I would get really annoyed if I said no and someone continued to try and talk me into it.  

 

Once she was a teenager, I would usually allow it and just tell them they were on their own for food and figuring out where to sleep.  I didn't feel I had to be as involved once they were older.  

 

My house is a super-crappy set-up for sleep-overs which is probably why the younger kids haven't had any, but when oldest dd was home I've had 4 or 5 teenage girls sprawled around my living room sleeping.  One on the couch, two on the recliner chairs, another 2 on the floor on pads.  That would basically leave no floor space at all.  A couple of these came about because it got late and they didn't want to drive, or they had plans together first thing in the morning.

 

I used to live in a 800 square foot apartment and I had 10 girls sleep-over for my dd's 10th birthday.  They were all girls I had known for years from her dance studio.  They slept scattered around the living room which was pretty big and wide open.  

 

I think the only planned sleep-overs were for birthday parties or other special occasions.