guests reading stuff on your fridge - normal or private

[SKL]

Honestly, having a jillion notes all over my kitchen would bug me a lot more than having people read them.  :P

[madteaparty]

I'm not sure I get the idea of 'private' books - do ppl mean erotica or something ? Wouldn't they be bedroom books though ? Someone explain to me, 'cos it doesn't compute in my head.

Depends. Sometimes I turn round the erotica, sometimes the "options and derivatives" ones. It's vintage erotica so probably ok now.

(Joking! In case it wasn't clear).

Eta it is more low-brow stuff that I turn around. Stuff that I wouldn't admit to even knowing it exists, never mind reading 🙄

Edited November 28, 2016 by madteaparty

[Amy in NH]

I don't think it's strange. If I didn't want people to see it I would put it away. Now if they started rifling through my desk that would be another story.

[Arcadia]

Would you all feel the same way if you visited someone in a small 1 bedroom apartment? Or in a dorm room?

My home is a 80 square meters 1 bedroom condo. If I invite someone, obviously whatever is out there in my kitchen and living room is free to look. If someone drop by uninvited, then the guest should assume I haven't clean up the area and that there are personal stuff lying around.

 

I lived in a single dorm room while staying at my university hostel. Guests know not to touch my things. They can help themselves to my food supply (rice, instant noodles, dry rations, tea bags) and play with my guinea pig. They can also sit on my dorm bed.

[MercyA]

have you guys seen the bookcases with the spines turned in? http://atmedia.imgix.net/8566932e5d1b23d573552d06dce45badb0d42f17?w=800&fit=max

 

No, no, no. Is this actually a thing? People really do this? Why?!?!? 

 

I worked at a library for four years and still sometimes can't help straightening shelves in stores and libraries. This would drive me absolutely bonkers.  :willy_nilly:

[emmaluv+2more]

See, I browse refrigerators and bookshelves if I have to pass the time.  If I'm waiting on someone or something it seems only natural to check out the things they have on display.  Hopefully I haven't been seen as rude all of these years!

[Ausmumof3]

I basically can't help reading anything laying around. I do not mean to be nosy and no way would I walk over to read it or move stuff to see better but my eyes are kinda drawn to text like a babies are to faces and eyes. I wouldn't stick private stuff on your fridge. I also assume any bookcases in public viewing don't have super private stuff on them.

 

I find there's a huge variation of normal where some people will want the grand tour of the house, and go checking out everything and others are much more reserved.

[MercyA]

I'll be another voice of dissent. I once saw someone reading the calendar on my fridge, and it really bugged me. I thought it was rude.

 

I'm with bibiche. Unless you know someone really well, I think you should at least pretend not to see whatever's on their fridge. Same goes for books. I'd find it a bit intrusive if someone started looking closely at my books, whether they are in the main living area or not.

 

It's true that you shouldn't have really personal things out if you don't want people to see them, but I think it's just not *polite* to examine anything closely in a casual acquaintance's home.

 

To be honest, though, I don't like having anyone over, ever. I know hospitality is a virtue, but I suck at it.  :)

[Guest]

No, no, no. Is this actually a thing? People really do this? Why?!?!?

 

I worked at a library for four years and still sometimes can't help straightening shelves in stores and libraries. This would drive me absolutely bonkers. :willy_nilly:

Agreed. I don't mind the occasional book turned, especially on higher shelves where it seems likely it is a private book. But the whole shelf? It just makes me guess they keep their bookshelves for appearance and not utility because that is the antithesis of sensible!

[Farrar]

Fridge notes... it's in the open, so a little weird, but if it's personal, don't put it there.

 

Bookshelves... please look! And discuss! And invite me to your book clubs! I also study other people's shelves. I love seeing people's libraries.

 

I keep the secret books in a secret box on a high shelf in the bedroom. ;)

[MrsBasil]

I'm not sure I get the idea of 'private' books - do ppl mean erotica or something ? Wouldn't they be bedroom books though ? Someone explain to me, 'cos it doesn't compute in my  head.

 

The Twilight book I read 3 times while I was pregnant because I couldn't handle anything requiring thought or emotional involvement is on a shelf in my room.  So is a book about leaving Christianity/faith and that's because I don't WANT to talk about it.  I also keep my Mitford series in my room so I can grab one when I'm sick or lazy-guess that's not private though, just convenient.

 

Now that my son is reading and has friends who read over, I'm slowly moving books I'm not ready for him to grab off the shelf yet.  Not private, but not for 6-8 year olds either.

[hornblower]

I'm not sure I get the idea of 'private' books - do ppl mean erotica or something ? Wouldn't they be bedroom books though ? Someone explain to me, 'cos it doesn't compute in my  head.

A sampling of titles which I would not want someone to use as a conversation starter: 

 

 

Dealing with your child's addictions

 

Now what? Overcoming your abysmally low LSAT score 

 

Hemorrhoids - easy home remedies & tips for prevention 

[Farrar]

Okay, if I had a hemorrhoids book, I'd totally not keep that on the shelf. (Or in the private books box.) I think I'd use it and pass it on. Or store it in the medicine cabinet or something. :lol:

[hornblower]

Okay, if I had a hemorrhoids book, I'd totally not keep that on the shelf. (Or in the private books box.) I think I'd use it and pass it on. Or store it in the medicine cabinet or something. :lol:

medicine cabinet snooping probably deserves its own spin off.  :laugh:

[happi duck]

I would not like someone obviously reading my calendar or clearly reading the info on my bills.

 

In order for bills to be remembered they are on my fridge. I don't mind if someone sees that there is a credit card bill there but I don't think they should go out of their way to read it, kwim?

 

Those of you who can't help reading probably take the info in instantly and are not *trying* to read it...it just happens.

 

Intentionally looking for information is the line for me.

 

Btw, we have no private spaces. When we have company we need every inch.

 

I do try to remember to bundle bills or turn them around.

 

For books I'd prefer "may I look at your books?" (Ha! Ha!) And of course I'd say yes.

 

.

Edited November 28, 2016 by happi duck

[zaichiki]

have you guys seen the bookcases with the spines turned in? http://atmedia.imgix.net/8566932e5d1b23d573552d06dce45badb0d42f17?w=800&fit=max

 

my bookcases are organized by subject and alphabetically so I could actually do this & still find pretty much most things but it looks wrong LOL 

Eh... I dunno... I think that setup invites even MORE curiosity. It looks so different, it just begs for people to start touching/rifling through...

[theelfqueen]

I'm very private about my space ... a visiting relative kept asking for Thing A or Thing B (like scissors or paper towels or whatever) and my response was "let me get that for you" and she would always respond with annoyance "oh just tell me where it is" Nope... I don't want you digging in my cabinets/drawers etc...

 

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[madteaparty]

A sampling of titles which I would not want someone to use as a conversation starter:

 

 

Dealing with your child's addictions

 

Now what? Overcoming your abysmally low LSAT score

 

Hemorrhoids - easy home remedies & tips for prevention

😂😂😂

[The Governess]

I always look at bookshelves... I get excited when other people have books on display. My own house has three walls covered in books and I love talking about them.

 

We have a paneled fridge now so no more stuff on display. But we used to have those word magnets up that you could move around to write poetry. There was always something interesting to read and guests usually enjoyed participating.

[Renthead Mommy]

We have magnets from pretty much everywhere we used to go.  We buy magnets as collections.  We expect and want people to look at them.  They also serve a purpose, to hold things  onto the fridge.  If I didn't want people looking at something, it wouldn't go under a magnet I want people to look at. 

 

I am way more bothered by the stainless steel trend that magnets don't stick to the front of than I am at people looking at what is under the magnets (that I manage to stick to the exposed sides.)  For the fronts (of the last THREE! houses with ss) I have been reduced to boring 3M stick on clips for the fronts for a spot to hang stuff. 

[Tanaqui]

No, no, no. Is this actually a thing? People really do this? Why?!?!?

 

Well, that's how they arrange the books in chained libraries. Maybe these people really don't want their books walking off with strangers!

 

[LucyStoner]

My fridge has a couple of Anne Taintor magnets, 2 political magnets, a t-ball picture magnet for each of my boys, tickets for a few upcoming events and my REI dividend. Read away. And then you can try and answer the question one of the Anne Taintor magnets asks: guess where I'm tattooed. :P

 

I have a bookcase in my bedroom that has doors on it. That would be where you would find any potentially embarrassing or overly personal book titles.

[SKL]

medicine cabinet snooping probably deserves its own spin off.  :laugh:

 

I have to admit - there have been times I've opened a bathroom cabinet in search of something relevant to my visit in there - soap or toilet paper or deodorizer maybe ....  I don't like doing it, but sometimes you're between a rock and a hard place ....

 

[luuknam]

I have a friend who just hands guests her Rainbow Resources catalog if she needs to go change the baby or something and leave the guest waiting in the meantime. Compulsive reader problem solved.

[MEmama]

My fridge is covered with race numbers from all of DS's various races throughout the year. It starts clean in January and by fall there is no visible stainless left. It's graphic and definitely a conversation starter. Anyone coming into my kitchen definitely couldn't pretend not to notice. ;)

 

I always check out what's on people's fridges, or calendars if they are right there in public-ish space. Bookcases too--they tell so much.

 

I'm a really private person, but those things don't bug me at all. It's part of being in my home.

[marbel]

Fascinating discussion.

 

We have a small house with not a lot of private space. When someone is coming over, there are some things that get moved to bedrooms:  the bin of medicine that sits on the kitchen counter, for one. It's huge and has a lot of stuff in it; no reason for people to be looking at that.  My desk is in the living room - if there are piles of stuff on it, they get swept into a box and put on my bed.  

 

Honestly, if someone asked permission to look at the books on my open bookshelves I would wonder how I made them so uncomfortable in my home that they felt they couldn't even look at our books. Sure, I have books that I wouldn't want other people to notice - so as others have said, I keep them elsewhere.  

 

 

 

[Guest]

I am also one who puts things on the fridge with the intent to be seen. My main bookcases are not in the main social rooms, so it would be unlikely guests would peruse my bookshelves, but I do look at people's bookshelves if they are in view. I also look at their fridge door. There are often birth announcements, Christmas cards, photos or magnets that tell you something about the host. I LOVE looking at that stuff and think of it as an intentional display bulletin.

 

P.S. I also compulsively read any words in my vicinity and have read shampoo bottles on the toilet as well.

[mom@shiloh]

We have large groups of people over often.  I would expect people to read anything that is in sight because I cannot stop myself from reading anything that is in sight.

[poppy]

The fridge is a bulletin board!

It never once occurred to me that someone would put private journal-like entries on display like that.

 

[fairfarmhand]

have you guys seen the bookcases with the spines turned in? http://atmedia.imgix.net/8566932e5d1b23d573552d06dce45badb0d42f17?w=800&fit=max

 

my bookcases are organized by subject and alphabetically so I could actually do this & still find pretty much most things but it looks wrong LOL

that pic makes me twitchy!

 

 

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[poppy]

That bookshelf makes me think, wow this couple reads a lot of porn!!

 

[regentrude]

Would you all feel the same way if you visited someone in a small 1 bedroom apartment?  Or in a dorm room?  

 

 

Sure. Even in a small room, private info can be kept private and not displayed. 

I lived in small apartments. I never had books on my shelves I would have been ashamed for people to notice.

[regentrude]

I'm not sure I get the idea of 'private' books - do ppl mean erotica or something ? Wouldn't they be bedroom books though ? Someone explain to me, 'cos it doesn't compute in my  head.

 

I have a lot of notebooks that are private - they are bound books, shelved on a book shelf, but by my bed, not in the living room. Those I would not wish for people to see.

[Bluegoat]

I remember seeing fake book covers for sale a while ago, with crazy titles like Home Remedies for Flatulence.  The idea was to put them on books and shock people.

[Guest]

I remember seeing fake book covers for sale a while ago, with crazy titles like Home Remedies for Flatulence. The idea was to put them on books and shock people.

I saw a FB video where people had these fake covers on the subway or public buses. :D

[TravelingChris]

My medical books are in the bedroom. We have so many books that all rooms have books except the bathrooms and just a few in our family room and none in the 2 kitchens. But our cookbooks and gardening books are in the sun room, art, history, theology, philosophy and classics and mysteries are in the living room, physics math and mist science are in my dh's office; nature books in our guest bedroom, foreign language, more classics, reference books and old homeschooling material in my office, dd has her own books that she didn't take to college in her own room and in our bedroom we have medical books, my illustrated children's book collection, a few mysteries like whatever I am reading and maybe a few I have read recently and my dh has science fiction.

 

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[QueenCat]

Wouldn't bother me........ my fridge has magnets from various places we've visited on it.......... conversation starters. Bills are in the study. Calendar is on my phone...... Bookshelves are more conversation starters. Often ones that help us to realize things we might have in common.

[momacacia]

No it's not private. It's in the middle of.the house. Neither are books on shelves or anywhere out in the common areas...but mostly because I.have book issues. "Hi, I'm momacacia, come on over to my house and we can look at the books on my shelves together and then we can go to your house and look at your books!" I find books on shelves irresistible and people's books are a little peek into themselves. #issues

[marbel]

Am I the only one who finds it completely unsurprising that many people on this board find that they are naturally drawn to text, bookshelves, etc., and can't help but read it?  That we/they will find themselves reading anything, even a shampoo bottle, when idle and having nothing else to read?    That we/they find it interesting to see what's on the bookshelves in the homes they visit?  

 

I broke up with a guy once because he owned no books.  The first time I went to his apartment I looked for bookshelves - there were none. So I asked where he kept his books.  "I don't have any books."  Uhhh... I didn't walk out right then but the relationship ended soon thereafter. 

 

An obnoxious roommate of mine lied to a boyfriend about books.  She'd implied that the books in our bookshelves were hers, but then he came over once while I was in the process of moving out.  I'd cleaned my books out; there were only a few left and among those were some travel magazines, the sort that one finds in a hotel room with a label saying "please do not remove this book from the room."  He did comment on the fact that most of her books were "stolen ones."  

 

LOL!  You can tell a lot about people from their books!  Or lack thereof. 

 

 

[kewb]

I don't go out of y way to read what is hanging on someone's fridge but if i am standing there I will naturally galnce at it.  It is in a common area.  If I don't want people to see something I put it away/in a private area.

 

Same with books on the shelves.  If it is a private book it is in my bedroom.  In the common area-look away and lets talk about books.

[Loowit]

No, but I don't keep anything out in the open that I would be bothered if people saw them.  My fridge has soccer pictures of the boys, our menu for the week, the kid's chore chart, and a few fridge magnets.  We have a lot of bookcases, and I don't have books that I would be unhappy if others saw them.  The only time I remember someone commenting on my books was my grandmother who was shocked at how many books we had.  I am a reader and I can't help but read.  I would, however, be unhappy if people started going through my desk which is in our family room.  I don't leave things lying about on top if it is private/personal, so they would have to go through my drawers.  It also bugs me if people use my computer without asking.  I think that is just a me thing though.

[gardenmom5]

I think of the fridge as a public space. (unless you live alone.) 

 

if you don't want guests reading things on the front - don't have  them in the kitchen.

[OneStepAtATime]

have you guys seen the bookcases with the spines turned in? http://atmedia.imgix.net/8566932e5d1b23d573552d06dce45badb0d42f17?w=800&fit=max

 

my bookcases are organized by subject and alphabetically so I could actually do this & still find pretty much most things but it looks wrong LOL 

I saw books placed that way on some sort of house hunting show (not House Hunters) and thought they were trying to be artsy or keep the space neutral for potential buyers.  I didn't realize this was a "thing" now.  

 

Nope.  Not doing that in my house.  I'd be able to find general groupings of books but it would be a pain to try and find individual titles.  Interesting, though!

[vonfirmath]

If you're a person who still puts notes & memos on your fridge with magnet, do you think it's rude for visitors to stand and obviously read stuff on your fridge? 

 

or if  you're visiting a person who has stuff posted on their fridge, would you think it's ok to read stuff stuck on the fridge? 

 

 

& spin off - how do you feel about people checking out your bookcases in great detail? 

 

 

 

 

 

Anything in public is fair game. If it is private, don't put it on the fridge.

 

[OneStepAtATime]

I'm not sure I get the idea of 'private' books - do ppl mean erotica or something ? Wouldn't they be bedroom books though ? Someone explain to me, 'cos it doesn't compute in my  head.

I don't typically hide any books.  I don't have books I usually think worthy of hiding.  In my view, it really doesn't matter if it is what some would consider low brow junk (like all my zillions of pulp sci fi books I have been collecting and reading since my pre-teen years) or classics or reference books.  They are our books and we use those shelves for our reading material.  If someone else sees them, so be it.

 

However, there have been times when I have been doing research on health issues or learning issues for myself or my kids when I put those books out of "public" view, to respect the privacy of our family as we deal with whatever it is we are dealing with.  Easy to put them in the bedroom, though, until guests are gone.  Or shove them behind something.

 

Sometimes, though, I do leave out that type of book in case someone else might find them useful as well.  I've lent out a ton of books on dyslexia, for instance, and many times it was because someone saw the books on my shelf that they started the conversation that led to them tentatively expressing concern for their child's ability to read/write/spell etc.  The books frequently helped them to clarify what might be happening and if further investigation might be warranted.

[bibiche]

I have coffee table books to give people something to look at if I have to step out of the room. ;) I wouldn't get insulted if people looked at my books (and it is pretty much wall-to-wall books here), but I confess I would be uncomfortable if people started looking closely and pulling books out. It just seems rather intrusive. Kind of like if the guest helped himself to cakes or candy before being offered, or poured his own tea, you know? It just seems a little plouc.

[happi duck]

People don't feel uncomfortable at my house.

 

If someone is perusing my books or examining the papers on the side of my fridge I don't run over yelling "stop looking at my stuff!!"

 

I prefer "ooo! Books! Do you mind if I look?"... it's nice.

 

Books are not private but to me they are personal which in my mind is different.

 

I do try and remember to move things for "events" but a casual visits there might be a bill or such in sight and I'd prefer people not be clearly reading it. "Wow, that's a big dentist bill ya got there!"

Edited November 28, 2016 by happi duck

[TravelingChris]

I would be happy if a visitor was interested in our books.  No problem at all if they took one out to look at.  Particularly the Art museum guides-  we like to visit art museums and have been to many.  We usually buy the art museum guide which has many photos of the art work at the museum.  These books are on our shelves but what else are they for but looking at?

[FaithManor]

Once one acquires reading, it is a pretty subconscious act to read whenever you come across print. So I do not think it is wrong, and posted on a fridge is kind of putting it out there if you have company over. So while I wouls not personally choose to hang around someone's fridge and linger over whatever they have posted, I would not get upset if a visitor did it.

 

Since the car accident and bad concussion, I leave reminders on the fridge all the time because my memory is not as good as it once was. So I do try to remember to take some things down when we have people over because I feel self conscious about it.

[SKL]

Think of it as them looking at the pictures on your wall, or the view out your window.  :)

 

I actually think it's considerate to leave books or something else to occupy guests who might get bored with the group conversations or with waiting around.  Of course they should feel free to look at them.