guests reading stuff on your fridge - normal or private

[Renthead Mommy]

We do not have a lot of books. I try hard not to buy books. We get most from the library. The few I buy, like for traveling or something, once I have read it, I get rid of it. No point in letting it sit around taking up space or taking up weight when we move. I already read it. I don't reread books. I already know how it ends.

[BlsdMama]

I'll be another voice of dissent. I once saw someone reading the calendar on my fridge, and it really bugged me. I thought it was rude.

 

I'm with bibiche. Unless you know someone really well, I think you should at least pretend not to see whatever's on their fridge. Same goes for books. I'd find it a bit intrusive if someone started looking closely at my books, whether they are in the main living area or not.

 

It's true that you shouldn't have really personal things out if you don't want people to see them, but I think it's just not *polite* to examine anything closely in a casual acquaintance's home.

 

To be honest, though, I don't like having anyone over, ever. I know hospitality is a virtue, but I suck at it.  :)

 

 

I think the differences of opinions over bookshelves is fascinating.  I can usually tell how much I'm going to like a family if they are drawn to the bookcases, lol.  I adore looking at people's bookcases (obviously only in the open/living areas) and I assume those are for browsing.

 

I expect people will look at my bookcases as they are pretty much the focal point in our main room.  :P :D

 

The fridge - it wouldn't occur to me to put things I'd want kept private on the fridge.

 

I do admit that I hide bills, notes, private things whenever certain family members come over simply because they've gone through things in the past.  It truly drives me nuts and we have always kept bills, medical info, etc in our bedroom.   :glare:

[MercyA]

I think the differences of opinions over bookshelves is fascinating.  I can usually tell how much I'm going to like a family if they are drawn to the bookcases, lol.  I adore looking at people's bookcases (obviously only in the open/living areas) and I assume those are for browsing.

 

I expect people will look at my bookcases as they are pretty much the focal point in our main room.   :p :D

 

The fridge - it wouldn't occur to me to put things I'd want kept private on the fridge.

 

I do admit that I hide bills, notes, private things whenever certain family members come over simply because they've gone through things in the past.  It truly drives me nuts and we have always kept bills, medical info, etc in our bedroom.   :glare:

 

Oh, I'm drawn to other people's bookcases, and I'd love to look at them (and sometimes do, surreptitiously).  :o It's just that my books seem so personal to me--not the ones in our school room, but my personal books (fiction, theology, health, current issues, etc.) IDK, maybe it's just a personal quirk. :)  

[LucyStoner]

My opinion may be colored by the fact that I don't have anyone over to our apartment who I consider less than a close friend.

 

My visitors tend to be close enough to me that I would answer their call in the middle of the night and rush over at 3am to watch their older children while they rush the baby to the hospital or who I would call in similar straits.

[OneStepAtATime]

O.k. now, thanks to this thread, I am looking at everything posted on my fridge and the books that are easily visible and wondering what future guests or visitors might be thinking as they walk through my house.   :lol:

[redsquirrel]

lol. Maybe that's our problem. Small house, open floor plan & I work & study in all these spaces. I have all sorts of notes about all sorts of things all over. 

 

I'm not really set up for guests. 

 

 

 

I have the same issue. That is what I use the note function on my phone and I also have two notebooks that I keep for just such things. One is just for the family/house and the other is just mine. In the one that is family/household I have lists and timetables and chore reminders etc. Some of it is completed, some of it isn't...it is really just pages of notes etc that are dated.  The other one, mine, is stuff like workout lists, haircut recommendations, but also gift ideas for people etc.  All of it is very everyday and boring, but not something I figured anyone else needs to see.

 

I just use those .50 composition notebooks. I keep them on the homeschool bookcase because I tend not to lose stuff I keep there.

 

[JudoMom]

I love looking at people's refrigerators and bookshelves.  It's such a glimpse into who they are.  I do attempt to control the compulsion, though, because I don't want to be thought of as nosey, but it's all right there and calling to me! 

I don't mind people looking at mine, either, though my fridge just has a huge calendar, and any paperwork for anything the boys are doing, but that's rare because it's usually just at the start of something and are forms I need to fill out.

 

I have no bookshelves on my main level (open concept, no walls), but I have a couple of stacks of books on the end tables and don't care if anyone looks at them (as a matter of fact, yesterday a family was over and the Dad grabbed a fallacy book and started talking about a board game he wanted to create).  I have (probably never going to happen) plans for a couple of built in bookcases, and would assume whoever came over would be inspecting them.

The worst is attempting to carry on a conversation with someone who has a bookshelf behind them.  How am I supposed to focus on what they're saying?!


 

[Seasider]

have you guys seen the bookcases with the spines turned in? http://atmedia.imgix.net/8566932e5d1b23d573552d06dce45badb0d42f17?w=800&fit=max

 

my bookcases are organized by subject and alphabetically so I could actually do this & still find pretty much most things but it looks wrong LOL

I have seen this and it kind of messes with my head. I have seen magazine photos that show all the books covered in a solid color paper so the titles don't show.

 

I mostly consider my bookshelves and fridge notes to be public viewing. However, if someone climbed over furniture to get to the shelf behind the sofa, or closely scrutinized fridge papers and moved and/lifted them for closer inspection, I'd think that rudely invasive. I actually do look at the fridge and kitchen calendar before certain people come over in case there's any exposed info I wouldn't want them to see.

[Matryoshka]

I'm not sure I get the idea of 'private' books - do ppl mean erotica or something ? Wouldn't they be bedroom books though ? Someone explain to me, 'cos it doesn't compute in my head.

I was thinking the same thing... what the heck are these books you don't want anyone to see? All I could come up with was erotica and maybe if you had a copy of Mein Kampf...

 

I actually like it if people are interested in my books...

[Ravin]

Normal to check out what's on the fridge. Also books on the bookshelf. Totally normal.

[hornblower]

I was thinking the same thing... what the heck are these books you don't want anyone to see? All I could come up with was erotica and maybe if you had a copy of Mein Kampf...

 

I actually like it if people are interested in my books...

well, I posted a few titles somewhere in the thread: 

 

 

Dealing with your child's addictions

 

Now what? Overcoming your abysmally low LSAT score 

 

Hemorrhoids - easy home remedies & tips for prevention 

 

 

dh contributed this morning: 

 

Thinking of getting a divorce? 

 

Personal Bankruptcy 101 

 

 

 

 

[MrsBasil]

I solved the fridge thing when we found a stainless steel one in the scratch and dent section of a local store.  It won't hold magnets, so I have a tiny space on the side for kitchen thermometer and that's it.

 

Now everyone gets to look at fingerprints instead.  :lol:

[hornblower]

NEVER HAVING GUESTS AGAIN. 

 

 

/jk. 

 

 

sort of.

 

 

:lol:  :lol:   :lol: 

Guys, our living space looks like this guy's office: http://crimespreemag.com/author-work-spaces-robert-crais/  

 

 & it turns out I'm a grumpy private person.  (yes, I, who in another thread, was advising a woman experiencing a miscarriage to just tell everyone. I don't know what I was thinking.  
 I really want to be like a 12 yo and write a big sign on the front door saying "hornblower's house, KEEP OUT. OR ELSE."   :laugh: )

[poppy]

well, I posted a few titles somewhere in the thread: 

 

 

Dealing with your child's addictions

 

Now what? Overcoming your abysmally low LSAT score 

 

Hemorrhoids - easy home remedies & tips for prevention 

 

 

dh contributed this morning: 

 

Thinking of getting a divorce? 

 

Personal Bankruptcy 101 

 

 

 

 

 

I have books on my shelf about IBS, plus the still-controversial ADHD.  Does that count?

 

Worst of all- Elizabeth Warrens' autobiography.

[madteaparty]

NEVER HAVING GUESTS AGAIN.

 

 

/jk.

 

 

sort of.

 

 

:lol: :lol: :lol:

 

Guys, our living space looks like this guy's office: http://crimespreemag.com/author-work-spaces-robert-crais/

 

& it turns out I'm a grumpy private person. (yes, I, who in another thread, was advising a woman experiencing a miscarriage to just tell everyone. I don't know what I was thinking.

I really want to be like a 12 yo and write a big sign on the front door saying "hornblower's house, KEEP OUT. OR ELSE." :laugh: )

Well I'm the one that said that the kitchen is private. So

I'm coming over and I will stay well clear of the kitchen and your fridge but do fetch me a drink while I browse through your hemorrhoid books ;)

[Kassia]

I expect people to look at things out in the open like the refrigerator and bookshelves.  But we've had people rifle through our mail - I mean they actually open unsealed envelopes to see what is inside!  And my dd never got over one of ds' friends doing her sudoku puzzles.  She had a book of them sitting out on an end table and he just picked it up and started working on it.  

[OneStepAtATime]

I expect people to look at things out in the open like the refrigerator and bookshelves. But we've had people rifle through our mail - I mean they actually open unsealed envelopes to see what is inside! And my dd never got over one of ds' friends doing her sudoku puzzles. She had a book of them sitting out on an end table and he just picked it up and started working on it.

See, now that is way over the line for me. I would NEVER open someone else's mail. what the heck?

 

Or start coloring in their coloring book or doing sudoko puzzles out of someone else's book or anything of that nature unless I was explicitly given permission.

 

Maybe someone should start a thread about those things now. I'm curious if maybe there are whole tribes of people out there that think this is perfectly normal. LOL

[bibiche]

See, now that is way over the line for me. I would NEVER open someone else's mail. what the heck?

 

Or start coloring in their coloring book or doing sudoko puzzles out of someone else's book or anything of that nature unless I was explicitly given permission.

 

Maybe someone should start a thread about those things now. I'm curious if maybe there are whole tribes of people out there that think this is perfectly normal. LOL

 

Yes, or read a diary lying about if the host were in another room...   :bigear:

[katilac]

We do not have a lot of books. I try hard not to buy books. We get most from the library. The few I buy, like for traveling or something, once I have read it, I get rid of it. No point in letting it sit around taking up space or taking up weight when we move. I already read it. I don't reread books. I already know how it ends.

 

Does this philosophy also apply to, say, musicals?  :laugh:

 

I was thinking the same thing... what the heck are these books you don't want anyone to see? All I could come up with was erotica and maybe if you had a copy of Mein Kampf...

 

I actually like it if people are interested in my books...

 

As someone mentioned, books about religion or leaving a religion might start a conversation one doesn't feel like having. This would go for any type of what might be considered books about alternative lifestyles or thoughts. Then health problems, relationship issues, sometimes a person isn't ready to go public about certain things. 

 

And yes, certainly some people have erotica that they don't want to display, lol. Or choose not to display out of courtesy to younger guests. Which reminds me, I do keep some of my more gruesome books about crime and criminals on private shelves, because I wouldn't want children to see them. 

 

I like it when people are interested in my books as well, generally speaking, but there are lots of reasons someone might want to keep certain books off the public shelves. 

 

I expect people to look at things out in the open like the refrigerator and bookshelves.  But we've had people rifle through our mail - I mean they actually open unsealed envelopes to see what is inside!  And my dd never got over one of ds' friends doing her sudoku puzzles.  She had a book of them sitting out on an end table and he just picked it up and started working on it.  

 

Opening mail is quite bizarre! What did you do? I would have snatched it right out of their hand. 

 

The puzzle solving would be a bit easier to take - it wasn't polite, he should have asked, but maybe in his house puzzle books are left out to amuse guests? Like coffee table books? Maybe it just seems normal in comparison to someone opening your mail, lol. 

[heartlikealion]

Haha this topic

 

I do have a couple books I wouldn't prominently display in the living room. We don't currently have bookcases there, anyway. Odds are people aren't going to see them where they are (corner of the office) or I'd move them. I mean, I wouldn't die of embarrassment, but I might not want them to draw attention. Like my books about fertility or self-help books (like a book about boundaries). I used to write my pump log stuff on a pad on the fridge. It might still be there. I'd take it down if company was coming or if I forgot they might be very confused about what all those ounces and time stamps meant haha

[OneStepAtATime]

Yes, or read a diary lying about if the host were in another room... :bigear:

Good grief. Maybe they didn't realize it was a diary? But still...would NOT make me happy (even though most of my diaries seem to end up being lists of stuff I need to do :) ).

[Arcadia]

My childhood home and first marital home has kitchens which has a door that can be locked. My in-laws, BIL and SIL homes also have kitchen with kitchen doors. My current home's kitchen does not have a kitchen door but I can easily put a babygate across the entrance to make it an out of bounds area. I have never lived in a home or rental with an open kitchen floorplan.

 

So the kitchen can be made into a private out of bounds area for young kids while moms chat. Easier than to kidproof the entire kitchen.

 

But we've had people rifle through our mail - I mean they actually open unsealed envelopes to see what is inside! And my dd never got over one of ds' friends doing her sudoku puzzles. She had a book of them sitting out on an end table and he just picked it up and started working on it.

My hubby grew up with the family culture that all mail can be opened. It was weird when I saw MIL opening all mails at their home before our marriage so I let my husband know. Some of his aunts do that and some don't. So my husband told his parents that my parents don't open anyone's mail and they try to remember not to open mails when they visit. Dental and medical bills that are on the countertop awaiting filing are read by my in-laws but it is all written in insurance codes so all they can understand is the amount we have to pay.

 

The family dentist we go to have an end table with puzzle books that guests can work in. Maybe that was what your son's friend was used to and didn't think to ask.

[Guest]

I was thinking the same thing... what the heck are these books you don't want anyone to see? All I could come up with was erotica and maybe if you had a copy of Mein Kampf...

 

I actually like it if people are interested in my books...

Well, I will say this: sometimes I consider non-fiction to be somewhat private, to enough of an extent that I will often get the book on Kindle so people won't be curious about the cover. If I'm researching learning disabilities, for example, or a book on perimenopause, I get that on kindle so I can read it at the family vacation house or in public without anyone asking about it. I have actually lied before when people have asked what I'm reading, substituting some recent fiction work that I have read or am reading instead. So I am quite private in that sense and I wouldn't leave those books in the main rooms of the house.

[Guest]

Yes, or read a diary lying about if the host were in another room... :bigear:

I have told DH that if I die unexpectedly, he should just burn all my journals, except the 5-year-jot journal. Decades of torrid emotions in there. Lots of unfavorable mentions.

[Kassia]

Well, I will say this: sometimes I consider non-fiction to be somewhat private, to enough of an extent that I will often get the book on Kindle so people won't be curious about the cover. If I'm researching learning disabilities, for example, or a book on perimenopause, I get that on kindle so I can read it at the family vacation house or in public without anyone asking about it. I have actually lied before when people have asked what I'm reading, substituting some recent fiction work that I have read or am reading instead. So I am quite private in that sense and I wouldn't leave those books in the main rooms of the house.

 

I go through this at our library.  We live in a small town where everyone knows each other.  I feel like I have no privacy if I check out or put a book on reserve because the librarians see everything I read (and comment on it at times).  

[Kassia]

 

 

Opening mail is quite bizarre! What did you do? I would have snatched it right out of their hand. 

 

 

 

We ignored it...it was a college friend of ds' who was staying over.  But we were definitely taken aback by it (and kind of amused that he would do that - he doesn't know us well).

[katilac]

 

 <snip> I get that on kindle so I can read it at the family vacation house or in public without anyone asking about it. I have actually lied before when people have asked what I'm reading, substituting some recent fiction work that I have read or am reading instead. So I am quite private in that sense and I wouldn't leave those books in the main rooms of the house.

 

Ha, funny, it's true that I don't let people scroll through my Kindle collection. I wish I could say it's because I'm reading edifying non-fiction like you, but I'm not. 

 

I have told DH that if I die unexpectedly, he should just burn all my journals <snip>

 

 

I told dh to just smash my laptop with a ball peen hammer when I die. 

[rmtzc2009]

My kids had been using my Kindle to play games while at my in-laws. When I arrived to pick them up BIL was browsing my books. It felt awkward & like he saw something personal of mine. Eh, I'm not a big fan of BIL anyway. Normal bookshelves, I'm worried more about dust bunnies on the shelves then book titles.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I don't have much stuff on the fridge, but find it normal for visitors to read - that is often subconscious, I have done that myself without actually being interested in what my hosts had on the fridge - there are words, and one is compelled to read them.

 

As for checking out book shelves in detail: that is one of the best ways to learn a lot about the people who live there, a great way to discover common interests, a perfect conversation starter with strangers. I expect people to peruse my bookshelves; anything I would not want visitors to see would be stored in a more private location.

"There are words, and one is compelled to read them." [emoji1] How true. If I had something it didn't want others to see, the fridge is the last place I'd put it. I, too, learn a lot about a person from their bookshelves. I also know if this is a person i would want book rrcommendations from. Mine would say I love children's books. However, the books on the grown up shelves do not accurately reflect my reading tastes, but what I received as gifts and was too lazy to decide if I wanted to pass it on. Now my library check out list would say a lot more about me.

 

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[dirty ethel rackham]

I'm not sure I get the idea of 'private' books - do ppl mean erotica or something ? Wouldn't they be bedroom books though ? Someone explain to me, 'cos it doesn't compute in my head.

Maybe books on erectile disfunction ?? [emoji28] Not something you want to advertise. Unless, of ourse, you are a urologist or something. (Now I am dying to know what is on the shelves of my urologist firend.)

 

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[dirty ethel rackham]

 

 

.

 

The worst is attempting to carry on a conversation with someone who has a bookshelf behind them. How am I supposed to focus on what they're saying?!

 

 

 

Yes!! I was at a cocktail party thrown by my husband's work collegue at his home. I was conversing with one of his coworkers as he stood in front of a bookshelf. I had such a hard time concentrating on our conversation because my eyes were drawn to those books. I finally had to apologize for being so rude. So, he turned around and we talked about the books on the shelf instead.

 

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[ktgrok]

I consider my books to be on display the same way my knick knacks, family photos, and framed paintings are. It would be no weirder to me to have someone comment on a book on my shelf than for them to comment on some artwork I have hanging on the wall. I have it out so you can see it. 

 

heck, books are the majority of my "decorating", lol. 

[Slartibartfast]

People always read my fridge because dh leaves dirty but vague messages on it with my magnetic poetry.

 

:laugh:

 

It unusual for people to look through my books, I just let people know which ones are not kid friendly if they want to borrow one.

Edited November 30, 2016 by Slartibartfast

[redsquirrel]

I have always assumed books in a shared space, like the living room, are there on display and are meant to be at least seen. I've been in far too may houses where i asked an opinion about a book on a shelf, only to be told it is only there for decorative purposes, to assume they are private. 

 

Once at a Christmas party, a guest started asking me about the Singapore math on my homeschooling bookshelf, lol. He was the spouse of a co-worker of dh. Turns out he was a 5th grade elementary teacher and our school district was about to switch over to Singapore.  I tried so hard to be a good homeschool parent and have a sensible discussion about math, but it was a christmas party in my own house and I'd had quite a few cocktails over the course of the evening. I was all set for karaoke, but not so much for a discussion about how to teach Singapore math, lol.  He's never asked me about homeschooling since.... I don't think I impressed him. I don't think I got much beyond "It's...good"

[Julie Smith]

 

I told dh to just smash my laptop with a ball peen hammer when I die.

 

If Dh and I were to die together, I asked a friend of his I like to organize our computers, as in clean up private information. :p

[BlsdMama]

We do not have a lot of books. I try hard not to buy books. We get most from the library. The few I buy, like for traveling or something, once I have read it, I get rid of it. No point in letting it sit around taking up space or taking up weight when we move. I already read it. I don't reread books. I already know how it ends.

 

 

Books are like friends.  I like being surrounded by them and I find the same old stories comforting and enjoyable.  :D  LOL.

 

My only thought is that I suspect people would be disappointed in my selections.  As much as I would like to categorize myself as a "thinker" the truth is that I adore children's literature.  You are far more likely to find me reading middle school or high school lit than adult.  Such is life.  

 

I have to admit I think my bookshelves are probably the most personal thing I have/own/occupies space.

 

I don't buy books willy-nilly, if they get space on my shelf it's because of a purpose and a plan, right down to books for my little ones.  So my books are an insight into me... Reject my books, you probably won't like me.  Love my titles? Love me.   How's that for overly philosophical on an early Wednesday morning.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Do ya'll remember back in the day the book covers one could purchase to protect the cover of whatever book you were reading, esp the paperbacks? At least I thought they were for protecting the covers. I was told that they were actually for hiding the covers so no one would see what type of book was being read. 

 

Whenever I saw a covered book I assumed the person was a bibliophile and wanted to take good care of the books and had thoughts of knowing there were others out there like me. Once I learned that they might be covering the illicit content, I became quite curious as to what they could be reading/hiding. No longer was the little old woman reading at McDonalds an innocent grandma. It definitely makes one wonder.   :D

Edited November 30, 2016 by Scoutermom

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Now I am wanting everyone to take and post photos of their bookshelves. The curiosity is driving me bananas.

[Arcadia]

Whenever I saw a covered book I assumed the person was a bibliophile and wanted to take good care of the books and had thoughts of knowing there were others out there like me.

Many buy book covers at Target, Staples, Office Depot during back to school sales to personalize and partially protect their textbooks. They have pretty patterns. http://www.officedepot.com/a/browse/book-covers/N=5+733990/

 

My bookshelves have mainly engineering, math, physics books with some Shakespeare and poetry books. They look more like high school curriculum shelves. It would be pretty obvious that my hubby is a fan of Richard Feynman and Stephen Hawking. We have two short bookshelves due to space constraints. My kids' curriculum are in 2x2 IKEA expedit cubes.

[scholastica]

I have told DH that if I die unexpectedly, he should just burn all my journals, except the 5-year-jot journal. Decades of torrid emotions in there. Lots of unfavorable mentions.

Everyone should have a designated person to destroy their journals. Seriously. They can lead to so much pain and so many unanswered questions, as well as answers people don't want to hear.