When naming a child ... (are these things a big deal?)

[Alice]

1. I think it's fine as long as you don't get upset when people call the child by the first name. I see this all the time in my practice. Parents will get really upset when we forget and call the child by their first name. I do make a note in the chart and I do try and remember but we have thousands of patients and it's hard to remember everyone's nickname/preferred name/unusual pronunciation of a common name, etc. If you're willing to say "He goes by John, not Matthew" and not get angry at the person making a mistake....go for it. Same thing for names that are difficult to pronounce or spelled in an unusual way. It's fine to do but expect that people will get it wrong when they first meet you and will likely get it wrong again if they don't see you very often. Ditto again for names that are strongly associated with one gender but used for the other. If you name your newborn baby Michael, it is going to be called "he" a lot. 

 

2. I was named after my grandmother. I got a little tired of being "Little Alice" while she was "Big Alice". But otherwise it was fine and didn't come with emotional strings or such. I think it's fairly traditional and not a big deal. 

 

3. I am not a fan of patterns as I like to have each child be more of an individual. But if you do a pattern I think it is worth to have one kid that is obviously not part of the pattern. One time at a church that we were visiting I saw a family in the bulletin with kids named "Matthew, Mark, Luke, John and Tiffany". It just seemed off.  

 

I had an unusual name as a kid because my parents hyphenated their  names back in the 70's before anyone else did it. It was both good and bad to have a name that required explanation all the time. It was good in that it made me feel special and I knew it was memorable. It was bad in that sometimes I just got tired of explaining it and longed to have the last name Smith. 

 

 

[Daria]

I learned pretty quickly when my son was a baby that I do not enjoy enforcing names. Maybe I am just lazy that way, because I see people doing it easily and politely all the time (e.g. "actually, we call her Beth" seems like it would be easy to say)

 

My son has a very common name that has an obvious nickname (e.g. Will for William). I plan to call him something else (e.g. Liam). Within 3 months it was obvious that no one but me was going to call him Liam, and by about six months I didn't even think of him that way.

 

So, I would not choose to have my kid go by their middle name, or to have a junior, but that is due to my own personal failings.

[stephanier.1765]

My dh being named after his father has caused us credit problems. His father's bankruptcy keeps popping up under dh's credit. DH was adamant about not naming a child after himself.

[wapiti]

I haven't read the whole thread, but just wanted to point out my two rules of naming:

 

1.  whatever you decide to call someone, keep the records consistent and normal/traditional.  If you've tried to get TSA precheck recently, you will see the value in this.  For example, don't be like my MIL, who has always gone by what is technically her middle name, and her non-driver ID and passport reflect the middle name as first name, but somewhere her birth certificate from another country has the names the other way.  From what I have read, she might have trouble getting TSAp recheck, depending.

 

2.  Always consider how the name would sound if the child becomes a revered professional.  (Plenty of professionals go by middle names, but also must sign documents etc)

 

I don't think it's a huge deal to go by a middle name, but having a weird name myself (a space in my first name; I go by the second one), any non-normal naming situation can cause annoying confusion.  I hate what my parents did to me there.  It didn't need to be that way if they had done even slightly differently - going by the second name as a middle name would have been slightly better yet not solved all my issues.

Edited June 26, 2016 by wapiti

[sassenach]

We stuck with a naming pattern on our 4th kid, even though I was tempted to break it. My kids insisted that it would be a big deal. It's not a hugely obvious pattern- all of their middle names start with the same initial. I'm glad we stuck with it.

 

 

[Murphy101]

We put a ton of effort and thought into naming. We do not any of those things.

 

We also consider, what the name means, possible nicknames, how the initials line up, how easy it will likely be to pronounce or spell by most people in our region, how common the name is, possible references in pop culture....

 

Naming the last half dozen babies has gotten harder and harder. Lol

Edited June 26, 2016 by Murphy101

[Janeway]

I have a family member who has gone by her middle name her entire life. She hates it and does not know why her mom did it that way. Her name was unique to her, sort of. Her first name was her mom's middle name, and her mom's mom's middle name and so on. Her middle name was the dad's mom's middle name, and her mom and so on. I guess maybe her mom wanted her own middle name first? But this family member hated that name and always went by the middle name. Her mom must have preferred the middle name too as she never went by the first name. There are always problems with everything from insurance to social security and on. She knows to just always list herself with her first name and hope people call her by her middle name. She lives in a small town so this is not much of a problem. But, it is a pain.

 

I have another family member with 2 first names. Carol Ann. And then there is a middle name (L) and a last name (F).  No one can tell if her first name is C and then A as a middle name, or C with L as a middle name. I have rarely seen her first name listed as CA.

 

And on the junior thing.....

 

I have never met anyone who likes being so-n-so junior. They prefer to be "my own person." Then to top it off, it seems as if when the grand baby comes along, they are suddenly expect to name that baby so-n-so the 3rd???? I recall reading articles a while ago that it is emotionally damaging to give a child a repeat of a parents name. Just give the baby his or her own name and put the parents name in the middle if you want a namesake. 

[barnwife]

I voted don't do it for any of them. That's how I feel for naming my children. I don't give much thought to other's though.

I can't imagine calling a kid by the middle name mostly. However, I also have a hard time shortening first names of my kids. (And, in fact, we don't. 2 of the 3 have names with common nn, but they are never used.) I am a "give the kid the name you plan to use as a first name" person.

I dislike juniors because then the parents don't get to choose names. I'd at least reverse the names or change one.

I don't think having a pattern with 2 is a big deal. Continue or not with the 3rd. I wouldn't confine myself only to names that fit the pattern. I would choose a name I loved.

[Guest]

Just to answer why someone might want to call someone by their middle name. "Samantha Joy" sounds better (in my opinion) than "Joy Samantha". So if you like both names but really like Joy better as an everyday name, why not put it in the order that sounds best and then just call them by their middle name? That is how it worked in our family.

This has been me. My mother was dead set on my name, but nothing sounded right behind it. To top it off, my middle name was traditionally a boy's name long before that was cool. So my dad came up with my first name, but I've always gone by my middle. It hasn't really caused any problems. In university I didn't usually pipe up to inform my professors (except my advisors) because it didn't make a difference. Going by my middle name has never bothered me. I did the same thing to my daughter who was born on my birthday. We share the same first name and different middle names. She also has a traditionally boy middle name. If she ever ends up hating it she can switch to her first name. I figure it gives options rather than boxing her in. Like Jean said earlier- some names just don't sound right in a different order. Nothing sounded right behind my name, but it makes for a great middle name. And I like being different. :)

[Lady Florida.]

1. I don't have a middle name. I do however, have family members who go/went by their middle names including both of my parents. Some in my (and dh's) family chose this themselves, others were called by their middle name by their parents from birth. It's no big deal.

 

2. I wouldn't name a child of mine exactly after me or dh but it's not uncommon or weird, especially in certain cultures. Just be sure to add Jr., or II if the parent is already a Jr. Again, no big deal.

 

3. The third one is the only one that makes me inwardly roll my eyes*. I think it's silly and I kind of feel sorry for the kids, but people do it. As far as feeling slighted for not following a pattern, I can sort of answer. In dh's family it's common to use either one of his grandmothers' maiden names as a middle name. Dh has one as his middle name, and so does dss. Several of ds' cousins do, and our oldest grandchild does (ds' nephew). Ds does not, and it hasn't ever bothered him.

 

*This is how I feel about the practice. I also feel that parents get to name their kids whatever names, whatever spellings, and whatever cutesy pattern they choose. It's no one's business, including mine. I'd just gently suggest considering if the kids will be the brunt of jokes or snide remarks from people who wouldn't keep it to themselves (I would) - people who will say something out loud about it.

 

Name your third what you want, but do consider how others will react to the name, for your child's sake. And congratulations!

[Lady Florida.]

My mother went by her middle name because it's what my grandmother wanted to name her, but in the 1930s it was not a name accepted by the Catholic church. So, she threw Mary in front of her daughter's "real" name. That not only was my grandmother's name but also is an A-Number-One Acceptable Catholic Girl's Name. Mary appears on my mother's birth certificate and baptism record and nowhere else, ever. She never used it, not on her driver's license, marriage license, or any other legal document. Most people never realized the name she went by wasn't her first name. In the family's eyes, it was her only name.

 

I'm sure if she was alive and trying to travel by plane today it would cause her problems. But in her lifetime it never did.

Edited June 26, 2016 by Lady Florida.

[Guest]

I guess I don't understand how there are so many mix ups between people with the same name or jr. I mean, you have a unique social security number, a unique drivers license number, and most likely as a functioning adult a unique address. Why on earth would you be rejected for a mortgage because your grandfather had bad credit? That would seem like a failure for the mortgage company to record the correct identifiers. And the same for mail- with the exception of junk mail- how is a billing company going to come up with the wrong address unless you give it to them? In my class in high school, we had 8 girls (out of a class of 500) named Jennifer Smith. Some even had identical middle names, but it's not like their class rank got mixed up because it was all based of ss# (which later got changed to student ID's I'm sure when people began protecting socials more closely). Anyway- I guess I just don't see how it gets messed up so often. In a country this size it seems like similar names and birth dates would be common place?

Edited June 26, 2016 by texasmom33

[Jean in Newcastle]

I will tell you one pet peeve that my Middle Named dd has.  Most of the time the fact that she goes by her middle name never comes up.  But occasionally kids will talk about middle names and dd will mention that she goes by her middle name.  Then she is asked "What is your 'real' name?"  That is sure to set her off on a rant!  Her middle name is her real name just as much as a first name would be.

[JumpyTheFrog]

I guess I don't understand how there are so many mix ups between people with the same name or jr. I mean, you have a unique social security number, a unique drivers license number, and most likely as a functioning adult a unique address. Why on earth would you be rejected for a mortgage because your grandfather had bad credit?

Not everything uses SSNs. Also, credit reports are riddled with mistakes. People are sloppy.

 

I would never recommend giving a kid the same name as a parent. If their identities get merged somehow (credit reports, medical records, those mostly-not-talked about semi-secret insurance/medical reports), it would be a nightmare to get them untangled. I believe Clark Howard talked about it once.

 

DH's grandpa, uncle, and cousin all have the same name. Even after 15 years, I still have a hard time figuring out which one his mom or aunt is talking about. DH says his aunt refers to each slightly differently, but his mom calls them all the same nickname.

[Janeway]

My child had blood once. The results came back obviously wrong. I told the doctor so and they did research. Found out, it was someone else with the same surname who had blood work at the same time. Accuracy is only as good as the person entering the information on the computer. This is not the only mix up. But same name Jr., same address, etc, that adds to the chances.

 

But my concern is not mix ups. It is how the people given their dad's name junior feel about it. I would not want to give my child a name that my child won't like. The name your child is given by you is their first gift, biggest gift, and longest lasting. Best to make it good. 500 years from now, his great great whatever times grandchildren will only know their ancestor by the name and maybe a few other details like work, income, birth and death place. So, make the name that the child will be happy to have. And give the child his own name.

[Tanaqui]

2.  Always consider how the name would sound if the child becomes a revered professional.  (Plenty of professionals go by middle names, but also must sign documents etc)

 

I. Middlename Lastname is a perfectly reasonable way to sign your name, as is Middlename Lastname or I. I. Lastname (the last is what my uncle does. He hates both his names and goes by a completely unrelated nickname!)

 

[Guest]

Not everything uses SSNs. Also, credit reports are riddled with mistakes. People are sloppy.

 

I would never recommend giving a kid the same name as a parent. If their identities get merged somehow (credit reports, medical records, those mostly-not-talked about semi-secret insurance/medical reports), it would be a nightmare to get them untangled. I believe Clark Howard talked about it once.

 

DH's grandpa, uncle, and cousin all have the same name. Even after 15 years, I still have a hard time figuring out which one his mom or aunt is talking about. DH says his aunt refers to each slightly differently, but his mom calls them all the same nickname.

Well and I guess that's my point. Important stuff does use social security numbers. I can't think of anything that doesn't that matters. Your health insurance is tied to your social. The IRS links to your social, as do bank accounts and medical records. Life insurance requires your social and most job applications do too. And yes, credit reports definitely make lots of mistakes but that is regardless of what your name is. They're a crooked system which is a whole other topic. Identity theft is as big of a problem there as anything else.

[Tita Gidge]

Lots of great insight, thank you! I especially appreciate the BTDT contributions.

 

Dad wants to name Baby after his own father, which sparked me to ask the second question (exact naming after a parent). This isn't something common to my family or to our culture. Nor is it the tradition in his family; the past few generations gave the grandparent's first name as a middle name to the baby. That makes more sense to us, but he's set on using the grandfather's full name.

 

Dad will compromise on switching the name order but still wants the child and grandfather to be known by the same name, which prompted the first question (using a middle name from birth, parental choice). It seemed unnecessary to me, but posts here clarified why it might be preferable in situations like ours.

 

Switching name order interferes with Mom's tradition of bestowing a(n ethnic) family name, which led to the third question (patterns). Baby has 53 siblings and first cousins local to us, all with an Asian first or middle name. It's the tweaked continuation of a pattern we had back home, which was to give a relative's name as a middle name. Neither parent will consider giving Baby two middle names.

 

I suggested arm wrestling for naming rights, best 2:3 :lol: but judging by the stink eye I got, that's not going to be an option.

[momacacia]

#3 is called by the shortened version of his middle name (eg, Chris for Christopher). It is a traditonal name in some cultures but not ours, whereas his first name is more traditional. I'm assuming at various points in life, starting high school or college, beginning job searching, he may want to change to the more traditional name and is welcome to. I've seen several people go from Kate to Katherine, things like that. Doesn't seem much different to me.

 

Obviously not everyone loves the use of the middle name. :)

[Daria]

My brother is the 5th in a row with the same name.

 

My father died when my brother was in college.  After he graduated, he took a job working for the same college.  Like many young adults, he didn't call home as often as my mother would have liked.

 

One day, my mother got a letter from the college (so, from my brother's employer) that said that since he was dead, his student loans had been forgiven.  My mother was distraught.  Her only son!  I was skeptical. I did not see how it was possible that my brother had been dead long enough for the university bureaucracy to have noticed and written to us without notification for next of kin.

 

She finally reached my brother, who thought the whole thing was hilarious.  He walked down to the financial aid office and had the following conversation.

 

Suzie:  Hi Bill, how are you?

 

Bill (my brother):  Apparently I'm dead.  

 

Suzie: What?
 

Bill:  Did you send a letter to my mother telling her I was dead?

 

Suzie:  I thought I saw your name on a letter I signed!  

 

Bill: Next time you think I might be dead, can you ask me first?

 

Yes, it turned out that they received some kind of notification related to my father, and gotten confused.

[J-rap]

We named our last child intending to call him by one of his middle names. Works for us. Our oldest uses a nickname that only vaguely resembles his first time. Works for us. Oldest ds doesn't like his first name and youngest ds' middle name he goes by is very unusual in the US.

 

I'm not wild about option 2.

 

I can't see any reason to stick with a naming pattern if you don't want to or if it's too limiting.

 

Two of our kids go entirely by nicknames too.  One nickname you can guess, as it's pretty traditional.  The other nickname is common in another country, but mostly unheard of here (even though her formal name is more common here).

 

We still wanted to give them their traditional formal names, even though we planned to call them by their nicknames.  Funny how that goes!

[Tess in the Burbs]

My parents named me what my mom wanted(after both grandma's) but then they proceeded to call me by a nickname.  As a child it was a nightmare to correct every adult I ever encountered who was looking for the person on the form my mother named, only to find out I went by a completely different name altogether!?!??!   I chose to go by my given name when my parents divorced, but it's not a normal name, so in college I ended up with a nickname.  Which means, if I went home for Christmas and had friends from high school and college in the room I was going to be called by 3 different names.  In fact, the college nickname stuck with me until 2 years ago when I moved cross country and have not told anyone that name.  I just keep correcting the mispronunciation of my real given name in hopes one day someone might say it right. 

 

Name your kid something you will call them daily.  Name them something that can be pronounced by more than 50% of the population.  Name your kid something they won't hate later(family names often fill this spot) and feel the need to legally change.  

 

My kids hate their middle names.  Honestly, I do to.  One is a family name.  One meant the same as the other middle name.  I wish I had just picked out what I wanted and not gone with all the push to honor people.  In fact, dd's middle name is often now used more for a boy name.  I would totally support her legally changing it.  A girly spelling doesn't change the fact she views it as a boy name.  

 

seriously, go simple and what you will call the kid daily.  

[Tita Gidge]

I will tell you one pet peeve that my Middle Named dd has.  Most of the time the fact that she goes by her middle name never comes up.  But occasionally kids will talk about middle names and dd will mention that she goes by her middle name.  Then she is asked "What is your 'real' name?"  That is sure to set her off on a rant!  Her middle name is her real name just as much as a first name would be.

 

Oh I can relate to this!

 

I legally changed my name to the Americanized version of my Christian name. People will still ask what my "real" name is, so I show them my driver's license and they're, like, "No but what is your REALLLLLL name?"  Yeah, well, I just showed it to you ...  via my government-issued ID card?? It's real, check it out. :glare:

 

So now I just follow up with a silent curse against idiocy and, "If you're asking what my Asian name is, it's ______."  Your daughter might do the same: "If you're asking what my first/given name is, it's _______."  It can be annoying but I have to hope that at least one person we encounter will digest the point and use it as a reference when asking other people the same question in the future! I think they just don't know, so they don't even think about how their question comes out!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Lots of great insight, thank you! I especially appreciate the BTDT contributions.

 

Dad wants to name Baby after his own father, which sparked me to ask the second question (exact naming after a parent). This isn't something common to my family or to our culture. Nor is it the tradition in his family; the past few generations gave the grandparent's first name as a middle name to the baby. That makes more sense to us, but he's set on using the grandfather's full name.

 

Dad will compromise on switching the name order but still wants the child and grandfather to be known by the same name, which prompted the first question (using a middle name from birth, parental choice). It seemed unnecessary to me, but posts here clarified why it might be preferable in situations like ours.

 

Switching name order interferes with Mom's tradition of bestowing a(n ethnic) family name, which led to the third question (patterns). Baby has 53 siblings and first cousins local to us, all with an Asian first or middle name. It's the tweaked continuation of a pattern we had back home, which was to give a relative's name as a middle name. Neither parent will consider giving Baby two middle names.

 

I suggested arm wrestling for naming rights, best 2:3 :lol: but judging by the stink eye I got, that's not going to be an option.

Tita, some of the cousins in our family follow Filipino naming customs. Some don't. One of my children's name follows Filipino naming customs. The other doesn't. It hasn't been an issue at all.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[marbel]

<snip>

But my concern is not mix ups. It is how the people given their dad's name junior feel about it. I would not want to give my child a name that my child won't like. The name your child is given by you is their first gift, biggest gift, and longest lasting. Best to make it good. 500 years from now, his great great whatever times grandchildren will only know their ancestor by the name and maybe a few other details like work, income, birth and death place. So, make the name that the child will be happy to have. And give the child his own name.

 

But how can anyone know that?  I dislike my name.  My mother didn't set out to give me a name I wouldn't like.  It's not her fault I don't like it.  I don't know why no nicknames have ever stuck, but... they haven't.

 

When we chose names for our kids we picked family names, and we hoped they'd like them, but we had no way to predict that.  So far, the complaints are minor:

 

1.  My son's name has a common nickname he does not use.  But, people just give him that nickname anyway.  Oh well, he says.  He tries to remember to respond to it.

 

2.  My daughter's name is a bit old-fashioned and not popular in the US (though I think it is making a comeback).  When she was younger she was always disappointed not to see her name on those racks of personalized keychains and such.   She's gotten over it.  Otherwise, she likes her name.

 

 

 

 

Edited June 26, 2016 by marbel

[Tita Gidge]

 

2.  My daughter's name is a bit old-fashioned and not popular in the US (though I think it is making a comeback).  When she was younger she was always disappointed not to see her name on those racks of personalized keychains and such.   She's gotten over it.  Otherwise, she likes her name.

 

This is my daughter also!

 

She's 11 and her name was very uncommon at the time. I think it was like right under #2000 by the SSN thing.  A few years later a celebrity used the name for her baby. And then another one did. And now the name is exploding in popularity.

 

She used to hate that she couldn't get personalized products. She got over that (mostly!) and has come to really love her name. If anything she's now a bit disappointed that we're beginning to hear it more and more around town, on kids younger than her!

 

You can't win for losing. I try to remember that, but as a Planner that's not easy for me to do!

[Liz CA]

I find the expression of annoyance towards the use of middle names silly. Over 90% of people who know me irl don't even know that the name I go by isn't my first name.

 

 

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

Same here. My first name is hyphenated Scandinavian. I always go by my middle name. Only close family knows my first name.

 

Ds got dh first name but not his middle name. The only issue I can see is that when ds was little, he sometimes did not respond to his name quickly, thinking people were talking to his Dad. When they were both outside and I called one of them, I just added the middle name.

 

I personally don't care about naming patterns like all names beginning with the same letter - but that is just me.

[PeacefulChaos]

So I voted but I'm probably not very interesting because I don't care about any of them lol...

 

We don't have any juniors or such thing.  It's not unheard of, though, in our extended family - DH's brother is a II and he has a cousin who is a IV (uncle is III, Grandpa was Jr.) - the cousin went by his middle name, the uncle did as well.  Just grandpa went by his first name.

 

I didn't purposely give my kids normal middle names with unusual first names, but one plus of it is that if they ever really wanted to, they could be *run of the mill normal name* instead of *not run of the mill first name*.  I didn't do it with that intent, and I obviously have always called them by their first names, but the option is out there if they ever were interested.  So far none have been.

 

The kids' names on here are not their real names, obviously.  They're the same ones I use on my blog.  

 

When I was pregnant with Link, we had him named within days of finding out I was pregnant.  It was a name from a Star Wars book, we changed the spelling, DH randomly said a middle name that fit well with it, and it was done.  Not that we didn't keep looking - but we always came back to it.  Later found out his name with his spelling is in another book in a popular series that I had read at the time, but forgotten.  I've read it more than once since with the kids and he thinks it's funny/cool that the only person who shares his name is the guy in the book.  One thing about his name, it gets mispronounced as a girls name sometimes when we go to appointments and stuff.  Didn't really see that coming, but it doesn't bother me or, more importantly, him.

 

Astro's name was one I came up with - yes, I made it up - when I was pregnant with Link.  I loved the name but still was just like no, this kid's name is ____, and waited until I got pregnant with Astro to use it.  We pretty much always figured he'd be a boy, and again, did look around a bit, but always came back to his name.  I combined a couple names that I liked pieces of and made a name that wouldn't rhyme with our last name, because I thought that sounded silly (the rhyming).  He got the middle name I'd always loved and wanted to make the middle name for one of them - I briefly considered another middle name or two, but came back to my original.  His name gets mispronounced some, too, but I have no idea why lol.  It's completely phonetically spelled and it's not complicated.  I just think people aren't familiar with it so in their heads they create something totally different.  :D  No biggie.

 

Pink is named after a video game character.  My original girls name was another Star Wars book name (Jaina), but I was a little concerned with how people would pronounce it.  My assumption would be that most people would look at it and see 'Jay-na', but a little bit of me was like 'what if people see J-eye-na?' which then would sound like a female body part and could be... awkward.   :lol:   I sort of fell out of love with that name somewhere  around when Astro was born.  I picked Pink's name shortly thereafter, as an 'if I ever have a girl'-type thing.  So naturally, that stayed.  Her middle name wasn't decided until the morning she was born because DH couldn't decide - he wanted to name her after his grandmother who had passed away a couple years before, but didn't know her middle name... the morning she was born, he was like, 'Oh... I guess we could use my grandma's first name as her middle name' and I'm like NO KIDDING!! :lol:  Her name gets mispronounced, probably more than anyone else's.  

 

But obviously, we don't care, because if we did we wouldn't have chosen these names lol.  :P  And my last name was mispronounced all my life (maiden name Vander Waal), my first name was hit or miss (car-uh or care-uh - it's the second), and our last name is always mispronounced unless the people are mennonite or from a place where there are a lot of mennonites (why is it underlining that?  Am I misspelling it?) and are familiar with it.  :lol:  So mispronunciation really matters nothing to us.

 

 

All 3 of their names coincidentally start with the same sound.  It wasn't planned that way lol... their initials are also similar, as are the general sounds of their names.  I guess we just have a certain sound we like - we weren't going for similar, it just sort of happened.

Edited June 26, 2016 by PeacefulChaos

[TravelingChris]

I use my middle name.  My first name is now just a letter.  

 

I don't believe in naming the child the same name as the parent.  I was named the same as my mother and it created difficulties with banks.  WHen I was a teenager, I changed the spelling of my first name and changed my middle name to Christina so there would be no more confusion.  I then went with Christina as to what I was called and just used my first name as an initial.  I changed my name again to just the first letter of my former middle name (a name I had never been called in my life since my parents used a nickname) to make things easier with the Patriot Act and travelling.  My entire adult life I used A. Middlename :Lastname until I changed it to A Middlename Lastname and made that name my only name.

 

I named my first two children more common first names and the third a less common first name but it is all coming around again because third's first name is now more popular in the US than 2nd's. THey all have traditional first names (at least somewhere in Europe).

[Crimson Wife]

I'm named after my aunt and while I love my aunt and like my name in general, I *HATE* forever being called "little [name]" within the family. It feels like being forever banished to the "kids' table".

 

All 3 of my kids are named after relatives but variations so that they are unique within the family. My oldest has the feminine of my maternal uncle's name. My youngest has the diminutive of my paternal aunt's name (but one that is used as a given name and not just a nickname). My DS has a name that has the first 2 letters and last 2 letters of my DH's name but is different in the middle.

[barnwife]

Lots of great insight, thank you! I especially appreciate the BTDT contributions.

 

Dad wants to name Baby after his own father, which sparked me to ask the second question (exact naming after a parent). This isn't something common to my family or to our culture. Nor is it the tradition in his family; the past few generations gave the grandparent's first name as a middle name to the baby. That makes more sense to us, but he's set on using the grandfather's full name.

 

Dad will compromise on switching the name order but still wants the child and grandfather to be known by the same name, which prompted the first question (using a middle name from birth, parental choice). It seemed unnecessary to me, but posts here clarified why it might be preferable in situations like ours.

 

Switching name order interferes with Mom's tradition of bestowing a(n ethnic) family name, which led to the third question (patterns). Baby has 53 siblings and first cousins local to us, all with an Asian first or middle name. It's the tweaked continuation of a pattern we had back home, which was to give a relative's name as a middle name. Neither parent will consider giving Baby two middle names.

 

I suggested arm wrestling for naming rights, best 2:3 :lol: but judging by the stink eye I got, that's not going to be an option.

 

Okay...this helps me understand.

 

I'd remind Dad that two parents make the baby, two parents name the baby. I totally understand his desire to name the baby after a relative. 

 

It seems unfair of Dad to say "I am choosing LOs first and middle names." Basically, that leaves you with no input.

 

I'd say this situation calls for compromise. The one that jumps out to me is that Dad might just have to choose which name of the relative is more important to use, first or middle. And then use that one, but also bestow an ethnic name in the other spot. 

 

FWIW, I really want to name our 4th after my grandma if it's a girl. However, my grandma's name isn't DH's favorite. So, basically, if baby is a girl, I plan on giving him pretty much free reign with the first name as long as the mn is my grandma's name. 

 

Your case is definitely a "both parents need to be okay with the name or it's off the table" situation. 

[Haiku]

I voted not to name your kid something and then use the middle name. Your child will spend his/her life correcting people. It's needlessly confusing. Name your child what you're going to call him/her.

 

I voted not to make your kid a junior. Everyone deserves their own name and identity. My husband had a legal issue after his father's death because someone else insisted my husband was his father and was bothering us for money.

 

I have no opinion about naming outside of patterns. I'm not really a fan of patterns anyway, so there you go.

[73349]

I guess I don't understand how there are so many mix ups between people with the same name or jr. I mean, you have a unique social security number, a unique drivers license number, and most likely as a functioning adult a unique address. Why on earth would you be rejected for a mortgage because your grandfather had bad credit? That would seem like a failure for the mortgage company to record the correct identifiers. And the same for mail- with the exception of junk mail- how is a billing company going to come up with the wrong address unless you give it to them? In my class in high school, we had 8 girls (out of a class of 500) named Jennifer Smith. Some even had identical middle names, but it's not like their class rank got mixed up because it was all based of ss# (which later got changed to student ID's I'm sure when people began protecting socials more closely). Anyway- I guess I just don't see how it gets messed up so often. In a country this size it seems like similar names and birth dates would be common place?

 

You know, if you have a name like John Jones, people are smart enough to check. But if you're, say, Montgomery Melvin von Schnarp in West Amana, Iowa, nobody thinks to check--if they know Montgomery von Schnarp went bankrupt, they think it's you and don't go looking to see that it was your father three houses down instead.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

My mom goes by her first initial and middle name.  It causes HUGE problems for her with any electronic data entry system, especially with her medical records.  Data bases are just not set up for that in most cases.  My mom was even declared deceased once because of a mix up.  That was a huge problem.

 

ETA: My brother was a Junior.  Dad was "Bob" and brother was "Bobby".  He's over 60 now, and our dad has been deceased for decades, but most of our extended family members still call him Bobby.  He takes it in stride, but it's something to think about.

Edited June 26, 2016 by Suzanne in ABQ

[Guest]

You know, if you have a name like John Jones, people are smart enough to check. But if you're, say, Montgomery Melvin von Schnarp in West Amana, Iowa, nobody thinks to check--if they know Montgomery von Schnarp went bankrupt, they think it's you and don't go looking to see that it was your father three houses down instead.

 

I guess I can see that, particularly in a small town. We are such a big city the fact that there are towns like that is a foreign concept to me! I guess we are technically a small town, but are so close to Houston that all of the companies around here consider themselves Houston based, and the services we use are Houston based so we haven't run into that issue. 

[rocassie]

I voted based on how I chose to name my child, and I really have no feelings on how others choose names for their child.

 

1.  I am going to name my child by the name I am going to call him/her.  Knowing that he/she would be called by middle name, I would make the middle name be the first name.  Nicknames and such that just arise naturally are fine, but I wasn't going to pick a name and then use a completely different name.  

 

2.  Never going to name my child after anyone.  First, someone will be hurt and take offense.  Second, I want my child to have their own identity separate from anyone else in their life.  

 

3. I am not into name patterns.  Plus I don't like to stick to a tradition just for tradition's sake.  If I loved the pattern and loved that future kids would be included in that pattern, then I would keep following it.  However, if I dread continuing the pattern, then I would just ditch it and pick a name I loved.

[Lady Marmalade]

2.  My dad is a Jr.  He never really minded (though he's never liked the name) or had troubles until his dad hit retirement age. That's when the paperwork snafus and issues totally started affecting both of them.  They have lived in completely different parts of the state for years, but it really caused problems with retirement issues, medical records and other things.   

 

I dated a guy who was a SEVENTH.  As in, his formal name was First Middle Last VII.  I thought it was pretty cool at first, but the more I thought about it, it creeped me out.  Unless a child was a girl, that man's first son was going to be an EIGHTH.  It wasn't even a question, it was expected.  I wouldn't want to saddle any kids with that kind of pressure later on. 

[jewellsmommy]

Oh and my dad has another uncle (other side) whose name is Lorenzo.

Lorenzo is a fine name... unless your yyounger siblings are all name Billy, Bobby and Betty (not William, Robert and Elizabeth). We always wondered about it.

 

 

It is a big deal to ds that his mom named the older two siblings with mainstream names then named him a very off-the-wall name (that sounds like a name a kid made up for himself) and then named the youngest with a mainstream name. He has asked me if she did this to be mean to him on purpose. So clearly some people will be bothered by such things. It might be one thing if each of the kids had some sort of story or reasoning that would allow him to connect to his name and have it make sense. Sadly, in his case, it's just what she did.

[Murphy101]

My dh being named after his father has caused us credit problems. His father's bankruptcy keeps popping up under dh's credit. DH was adamant about not naming a child after himself.

My mother died 21 YEARS ago and for no discernible reason she still pops up on my credit reports at random times.

Edited June 27, 2016 by Murphy101

[MinivanMom]

You know, if you have a name like John Jones, people are smart enough to check. But if you're, say, Montgomery Melvin von Schnarp in West Amana, Iowa, nobody thinks to check--if they know Montgomery von Schnarp went bankrupt, they think it's you and don't go looking to see that it was your father three houses down instead.

 

Yes, this. It's a nightmare to have exactly the same name.

 

My sil was named after her mother. Then she married a guy whose mother also had her same first name. So she legally changed her surname from her maiden surname to her husband's surname, and she went from having the same firstname-lastname as her mother to having the same firstname-lastname as her mil. She has the most amazing stories about legal, financial, and medical mix-ups. I understand the mix-ups with her own mother, because sil once lived at that address, but she's never lived with mil or anywhere near mil and still the mix-ups happen. Mil lives in a large urban city and sil lives in a small town in a different part of the state so there doesn't seem to be any reason for it other than the identical names.

 

When sil was pregnant with her first, she was adamant that her daughter would have "her own name". Unfortunately, it was a huge battle with the two grandmothers who both felt that sil just had to give the same name to the granddaughter to "continue the tradition" and because it was the name of mom and both grandmothers. Talk about pressure, but sil refused. One grandmother was so angry that she refused to call sil's new baby by the correct name for more than two years and permanently damaged their relationship. So sad.

 

Let kids have their own names. It's not just the burden of having your parent's name; it's the pressure and expectation that you must carry on the tradition. And in this age of everything being electronic, I imagine that the mix-ups will only get worse. Seriously, don't do it.

[ashfern]

I really dislike using the middle name as the primary name. My husband's family did this. When he started kindergarten he started to use his first name but his family still kept using his middle name. To this day he has family using his middle name and sending us mail to Mr & Mrs middle name.

 

As to Jr, etc. My dad is a III and if either my sister or I were boys we would have been a IV. My dad hated being a 3rd and dropped it from his name as soon as he was an adult.

[Renai]

I find the expression of annoyance towards the use of middle names silly. Over 90% of people who know me irl don't even know that the name I go by isn't my first name.

 

 

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

I don't understand the middle name annoyance either.

 

It also might be cultural. I've noticed that in my dh's culture (at least where he's from), many of the boys are given the father's name as the first name, given a different middle name, and called by the middle name. 

 

My middle sister is called by the nickname of her middle name. It hasn't ever bothered her. Her name sounds better with First Middle, rather than Middle First, as both names are not common. Her first name is rare indeed.

 

All ya'll call me Renai. That's my middle name. :D

[busymama7]

Our oldest is situation #1. My husband really likes keeping to famy names and such and we wanted to name him after my husband. We didn't want to use the formal name and my husband has one common nickname. There is a another but it sounds terrible with our last name. We opted to choose the name we liked, use it for his middle name as it sounded a lot better with dads name, the name he goes by and last name.

 

It really hasn't been a big deal. They have different middle initials so mail and such is usually fine and my husband goes primarily by his nickname anyways. We just tell doctors and such that he goes by his middle name and that's the end. He's 19 and I don't think he's bothered by it.

 

He has two cousins with the same situation. One is the same, named after dad. The other is the fourth generation with the same first name and every other generation goes by the first name and the opposite go by their middle. So my MIL, SIL and niece all have the same first name but only my SIL uses it. The other two go by their (different) middle names.

[KungFuPanda]

Please vote or comment and help me think this through by sharing your personal experience and insights. None of these are things I've personally dealt before, but am in a position now to consider. I tend to overthink these things plus I'm a planner; I want to consider as many eventualities as possible and I know you all know stuff that I don't. :D

 

 

1. CALLING THE CHILD BY THE MIDDLE NAME from birth/early on

 

Do you do this with your kids? Did your parents do this with you?

 

It doesn't seem like it would be a huge deal to me, but I keep hearing that people who have BTDT find it to be annoying to deal with. I'm wondering if it's a personality thing or if it's a legitimate issue worth considering. I wonder, too, if one's perception is influenced by whether it was HIS/HER choice to go by the middle name, or the family's choice to call him/her by the middle name. One advantage I've heard is the ability to screen out solicitors, are there any others?

 

 

2. NAMING THE CHILD AFTER A PARENT in exact name order

 

Do you have a junior/II/III, etc.? Are you or your husband one?

 

The one argument I hear is that paperwork can be an issue (especially for males), mostly when both parties are adults. Things like mail, tax, bill mix-ups. I've heard a theory, but don't know anyone IRL who agrees, that some kids develop identity issues from not measuring up to (good parents) or wanting to shed ties (poor parents) those they share an exact name with. I think this is possible regardless of name, though.

 

 

3. KEEPING TO AN ESTABLISHED PATTERN once they outnumber you

 

Do your kids follow a set naming pattern? Do you or your siblings?

 

Will kids #3+ feel slighted if he the only one whose name doesn't start with [whatever letter], or if she's the only one of a sibling set who isn't named after a beloved literature reference? I don't know how those Duggars do it, well, aside from some creative license with spelling. I don't know how important it is for the child when it comes to being included in, or excluded from, a pattern. I guess it depends on the kid. And maybe the pattern. I'd rather be Ginger-with-the-only-non-J-name-in-the-family than have people thinking I'm Jinger-rhymes-with-ringer! But maybe not everyone would prefer that.

1. I haven't done this, but my grandmother has gone by he middle name her whole life. No big deal. I gave one child a perfectly good name and WE NEVER USE IT because his baby nickname stuck.

 

2. My brother is a Junior. No big deal. My son is the same as his father and grandfather, but they all have different middle names. No issues from either formula.

 

3. The pattern is arbitrary. Breaking it is arbitrary. Your kid won't need therapy because she didn't get a Q name like her sisters. It's fine.

 

Unless you do something really weird like give all of your kids the same name, or give them all names you gathered by throwing a dart at a dictionary, it's really no problem to do what you want. Once the kid is here for ten minutes, his name will become HIS normal. Beyond not naming them after a serial killer or having their initials spell A.S.S. you're not going to do any harm.

[Tanaqui]

Unless you do something really weird like give all of your kids the same name

 

Didn't George Foreman do that?

 

[AFwife Claire]

I've always been called by my middle name, and I really hated it.  I think it was more personality, though.  I grew up in an Air Force family, so we moved a lot.  It was mortifying to me to always be the new kid, explaining that I wasn't called "Barbara" (my real first name, named after my father's oldest sister who had died in a car crash years before my parents even met), but rather Claire (a name that *no one* else had in the 70's/80's, at least no one I ever met).  Anything that made me stand out more was horrible and embarrassing to me.

 

I got married after my sophomore year of college.  When I went back to school my junior year, I showed up at the registrar's office and told them I wanted to now be called Claire MaidenName NewLastName.  The lady was a real snot about it, and she eventually told me I would have to have my name legally changed for her to make that change.  So I walked out of there and legally changed my name.  Two months later, after having taken out an ad in the paper and having met with a judge, and whatever other hoops I had to jump through that I can't remember, I walked back into her office with the piece of paper.  She was quite surprised I actually did it!  I firmly told her I did not ever expect to see one piece of mail addressed to "Barbara" from them again.  And I never did!

 

All our 10 kids have Bible or virtue names, and we don't repeat initials.  We didn't start out thinking we were going to do that, but after a few, we realized it would be weird to have 3 boys named Bible names, and the next one called Logan or whatever.  We did have to branch out to the virtue names when we started having girls though.  We didn't want to be like every other stereotypically big Christian family with a Sarah and a Rachel, although the ones we have are definitely not uncommon, except for Verity.  We named her that because I was teaching a Latin I class the year she was born, and how fitting to give her a Latin virtue name!  Plus we liked it!  :)

[foxbridgeacademy]

Even though I named my son knowing he'd go by his middle name, I don't recommend it.  I did it because I wanted to stick with a much larger family pattern plus I really liked the name.  I now wish I'd not done it.  I don't like the whole Junior thing, so I'd say no unless you plan to call Junior by his middle name (yeah, I know).  I like patterns.... I think names should "go" with each other, it just makes sense to me. 

[JumpyTheFrog]

We watched a TV show where one of the actors or crew was so-and-so the 17th!

[theelfqueen]

I. Middlename Lastname is a perfectly reasonable way to sign your name, as is Middlename Lastname or I. I. Lastname (the last is what my uncle does. He hates both his names and goes by a completely unrelated nickname!)

 

This is what I do -- both of these -- either F. Middle Lastname or F.M. Lastname.

[TrixieB]

I've only seen it once -- Senior/Junior for a mom/daughter.  I was surprised, not that the mom/daughter had the same names, but that they wrote Senior/Junior on the paperwork they filled out.  Maybe this is common in some areas?