Does your family of origin know your name?

[Laura Corin]

For the third time in the last seven years, my brother has sent me a letter using my maiden name. I've been married for 23 years. I can't pick it up at the sorting office because I don't have ID. I'm having to make sure that someone is in so that it can be redelivered.

 

Anyway. Is this common? Close family never really learning your married name?

[EKS]

My mother keeps using my married name, which would be great except that I kept my maiden name!

[Tsuga]

I have the opposite problem. I love my name and kept it. But people who don't know me assume that (a) I am married to my partner or my ex-husband and (b) varyingly call me Mrs. Ex-Husband or Mrs. Loving Partner. They even send mail as such. To: Tsuga Lovingpartner. Or worse, To: Tsuga Exhusband. I am Tsuga Mother (Greatgrandfather--actually I think the reason I'm so attached is that it is my mother's maiden name as well, so yes it's my maternal great grandfather but that's not the point).

 

However, it would be more irksome if it were family making the mistake. I'm sorry that is happening to you!

Edited January 16, 2016 by Tsuga

[freesia]

For the third time in the last seven years, my brother has sent me a letter using my maiden name. I've been married for 23 years. I can't pick it up at the sorting office because I don't have ID. I'm having to make sure that someone is in so that it can be redelivered.

 

Anyway. Is this common? Close family never really learning your married name?

No, I'm sure my brothers and Mom know our last name. I am pretty sure all my cousins and Aunts and Uncles do, too. Now, with a family full of dyslexics, I can pretty much assure you that half of them can't *spell* it.

 

Sorry about your brother. Some people are just terrible with names. Could he have thought you didn't change your name (like when you were a teen you swore you never would or something)?

[freesia]

Another thought--am I remembering that your dh,while American, is of Asian descent? Could it be cultural in his ancestral culture for women not to change their name when married and your brother is trying to be culturally sensitive?

[Rosie_0801]

My grandma spelled my name differently every year on my birthday card, but that was a lack of literacy skills not because she didn't bother to remember my name. I was her favourite :D

[The Girls' Mom]

They know my last name but can't spell it correctly..lol.  And several relatives just cannot get one of my dds names right. It isn't even an unusual name.  

[Murphy101]

No they don't. I have one sister who does, but I bet she would spell it wrong.

 

My dad, mom when she was alive, other sister and my brother? Nope. I doubt they could even tell you what letter it starts with.

 

I'm fairly sure my in laws have forgotten/ don't know my maiden name either.

[Laura Corin]

Another thought--am I remembering that your dh,while American, is of Asian descent? Could it be cultural in his ancestral culture for women not to change their name when married and your brother is trying to be culturally sensitive?

No. We met in Taiwan but he's white protestant American.

[freesia]

No. We met in Taiwan but he's white protestant American.

Ah, okay. That's funny, though, I've imagined him as Asian for years--off to rearrange my mental image of him and your boys. . . ..

[happi duck]

My brother can't pronounce or spell my married, 22 years, name.

 

A few years ago with some legal documents he used my maiden name.

[Guest]

My married last name is tricky to spell and my first name has always been a challenge for some family. I don't think they always do know it given some of the errors I've seen on cards. But honestly I have a weird, difficult to spell name for a boring Anglo chick, so I kind of don't blame anyone :lol:

[Seeking Squirrels]

As far as I know everyone in my family knows my last name. I think facebook has made this easier, honestly. Even friends I had in high school that I re-connected with much later, I know their new last name since that's what I see on fb.

[bettyandbob]

Aah the reasons I changed my name. Everyone remembers. It is common, easy to spell and close to the beginning of the alphabet. So people remember it, spell it and I can be anonymous with it.

[Arcadia]

I didn't change my family name after marriage. My parents can spell hubby's full legal name which is long and my in-laws including BIL and SIL can spell mine.

[Julie Smith]

My mother keeps using my married name, which would be great except that I kept my maiden name!

 

My Dad does the same to me. 

[foxbridgeacademy]

I didn't change my name after getting married, I have a great last name.  As for my immediate family, yes they all know DH's last name, it helps that they/we have known him and his family since he and I were tweens.  Most of my extended family probably know it too, it's really easy to remember.  As for my in-laws knowing mine, again long term contact and my name is even more memorable and easy to spell than theirs.

[chiguirre]

Sort of, except it's my nick name. Every Venezuelan (scratch that, every native Spanish speaker, even the ones with MBAs or PhDs, even though they've lived in the US for decades) always sends stuff to July instead of Julie. Luckily, the post office will deliver anything to my address, even the guy who moved 12 years ago's stuff.

Edited January 17, 2016 by chiguirre

[Wheres Toto]

Over the years my mother has occasionally written checks out to my maiden name.  My maiden name wasn't even the same as her last name since I was 5 and I've had two different last names since then.   Has even done Dottie Anna once or twice with no last name. 

[umsami]

Mine is the opposite. :) I never changed my name upon marriage, but for the first 10 years of my marriage, my Mom would send me to stuff to Umsami My last name-Husband's last name

[73349]

I kept my maiden name, but some members of the extended family who rarely see us do sometimes have trouble with DH's.

[Mom22ns]

My dad still had my maiden name on his will and all his bank accounts, ets. It was a nuisance when I got the inherited IRA checks and my bank wouldn't accept them. I'd been married 21 years when my dad died.

 

OTOH, my dad did know my maiden name and he was very fond of dh, so I don't think it was a statement of any kind. My sister is divorced and returned to her maiden name. I wonder if he just figured that would happen to me eventually too. 

[barnwife]

My first thought on reading the thread title was "no," because they still call me by a nickname from my childhood. I've long since switched over to my longer, given name. And there's the fact that my grandma (may she rest in peace) never spelled my name correctly, despite my given name being incredibly common.

So...they know my name, but call me by something I'd rather not be called. 

I think they know my last name, although they may or may not spell it incorrectly sometimes. People often double 2 of the letters. Only one is actually double though. But that's so common that I've long since stopped noticing this mistake.

 

[Liz CA]

Perhaps let the post office return it and he may have to figure out why. ;)

[Farrar]

I kept my name. Dh's family always remembers, as does my mom, but my father's family is so conservative that I think they find it very strange. When they address things to me, they have often used dh's name. Oh well. They still deliver it here.

[Pippen]

Over the years my mother has occasionally written checks out to my maiden name.  My maiden name wasn't even the same as her last name since I was 5 and I've had two different last names since then.   Has even done Dottie Anna once or twice with no last name. 

 

My mom has done that.

 

I thought I'd reviewed my dad's will carefully, but after he passed away I realized that he had listed me by my maiden name. 

[Kareni]

... keeps using my married name, which would be great except that I kept my maiden name!

 

Same story here though it's often family members other than my mother.  My mother will sometimes hyphenate though no hyphen exists.

 

Regards,

Kareni

[Julie Smith]

Sort of related. 

 

I have an aunt that lived in Canada since she was maybe 10. 

 

I then had a family member who brought someone named Connor into the family. 

 

My aunt complained about his unusual name and called him Canoe. (As in that type of small boat you see on lakes.)

[Tap]

I have no idea if my bio-family knows my last name LOL.

 

I think my mom knows it, but since I have never seen her write it out, I don't know if she does or not.  LOL  (she doesn't send cards or presents, so there isn't any mail that I can remember her sending my way).

 

One sister knows it, as she used to send me checks to pay off a loan I made to her.

 

I don't know about any of my other siblings, since we have zero contact. 

[Just Kate]

My grandma spelled my name differently every year on my birthday card, but that was a lack of literacy skills not because she didn't bother to remember my name. I was her favourite :D

Oh my gosh...my grandmother did the same! Actually, she wrote out a completely different name, which while extremely similar to my name, isn't my actual name. My parents corrected her for a while but finally gave up.

[mommymonster]

My family has NO clue. I've been married to DH for 15 years now and didn't take his name. My name is the name I was born with over 40 years ago. So, with that in mind: 

 

My mother doesn't even spell my first name properly, although she gave it to me. She also has forgotten DH's last name, so there's a wild variety of names on cards. It's rather entertaining. The one thing that never shows up on cards is my actual last name.Four letters, one syllable. 

 

My father has decided to hyphenate my last name, although I've corrected him, gently, many times. He thinks I'm rather scandalous for not taking DH's last name. My sisters likewise have decided to hyphenate. 

 

Paternal grandfather calls me a name he made up for me at my birth. He thought my parent's name was silly, so he just gave me something different. And that's ok, because he did it at birth, so I just know to listen for a completely different name. He's also in his mid-90s, so... he gets away with things. 

 

My in-laws just call me by DH's last name. 

 

It's all good. I'm fairly certain I remember my name, most days. 

[Seasider]

They know it but they can't spell it.

 

Ok, after 25 years they actually can, but it took over a decade for them to get it right consistently.

[mysticmomma]

My in-laws always send stuff to me with dh's last name ( we are not married, I don't have his last name).

 

And they always get the kids' double barrels round the wrong way. Or they just use dh's last name.

 

I'm sure it's deliberate.

If you aren't married, how is he your "dh" and how are they your in laws? I'm confused... Sorry I realize this is off topic.

[KungFuPanda]

I've NEVER had a problem. DHs name is both my brothers' middle names and our last name, while not very common, us easy enough to remember and spell. They know my sister's married name too, but they grew up with her husband. Uncles and cousins might forget, but my immediate family has it down.

[Carpe]

If you aren't married, how is he your "dh" and how are they your in laws? I'm confused... Sorry I realize this is off topic.

Not the poster quoted, but I'm guessing common law. Here you can't have a spouse without getting married, but you can have a husband or wife as long as you meet the criteria for a common law partnership.

[Laura Corin]

Perhaps let the post office return it and he may have to figure out why. ;)

 

Unfortunately it's my mum's birth certificate and we need it by Friday so that she can sign on to a new doctor, otherwise she will run out of medicine.

 

It occurred to me this morning to look for my ancient passport that shows the name change.  I'll try using that to pick it up in conjunction with my current passport.

[lailasmum]

Lots of my dh's family use his surname when they send me things even though I never changed my name, that gets annoying. Also, my FIL has never spelled my son's name correctly. 

[kiwik]

Take your passport and marriage certificate to the post office.  I once saw my mother accidentatally put her maiden name on something - 20 years after her second marriage.

[Laura Corin]

Take your passport and marriage certificate to the post office.  I once saw my mother accidentatally put her maiden name on something - 20 years after her second marriage.

 

Yes - that occurred to me belatedly this morning.  

[need2read]

They know my name but some of them can't spell it...even my father had to ask me how to spell it the other day and I've been married 16 years!

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Wabi Sabi]

My mother still doesn't know how to pronounce my married name. It's not a long, hard to pronounce name either- fairly short and simple. 

[tm919]

Not one of my in-laws (meaning anyone related to my husband) seem to understand I kept my maiden name. I don't really care either way.

 

They also spell my younger daughter's name incorrectly, and that annoys me.

[Word Nerd]

For the third time in the last seven years, my brother has sent me a letter using my maiden name. I've been married for 23 years. I can't pick it up at the sorting office because I don't have ID. I'm having to make sure that someone is in so that it can be redelivered.

I occasionally start signing my name with my maiden name instead of my married one without thinking. That old habit is still in there somewhere! Does he truly not remember your married name, or is he possibly just doing it in an airheaded sort of way because he isn't paying attention?

 

That's still an odd post office policy, though. I occasionally get junk mail addressed to my maiden name.

[SparklyUnicorn]

No that's really weird. 

[Serenade]

My mom still occasionally writes checks/letters to me with my maiden name.  I've been married 20 years.

[Laura Corin]

I occasionally start signing my name with my maiden name instead of my married one without thinking. That old habit is still in there somewhere! Does he truly not remember your married name, or is he possibly just doing it in an airheaded sort of way because he isn't paying attention?

 

That's still an odd post office policy, though. I occasionally get junk mail addressed to my maiden name.

 

It's just because it's a signed-for letter (containing an important document).  Normally they would have just delivered it.

 

We've emailed since and he said that he was aware of having written it wrong but didn't bother to change it, not thinking through that it might cause a problem. It's not a big deal - I'll work it out.

[Arcadia]

Do you have a deed poll for the name change? Just in case you can't find your old passport.

[Carrie12345]

I've never noticed a family member - parents/siblings, great-aunts' grandchildren, those I see several times a year, or those I'm lucky to see very few years - write or pronounce my name incorrectly. Nobody's ever used the wrong name all together.

 

My married name is just one syllable, but its spelling and pronunciation can be confusing to strangers.

[Laura Corin]

Do you have a deed poll for the name change? Just in case you can't find your old passport.

 

I found the old passport.  No deed poll - I just sent in my marriage licence to change it on my passport.

[Audrey]

My brother has never used my maiden name by accident, but he can never seem to spell or pronounce my married name correctly.  It IS French, but it's a really easy one, so it always leaves me confounded.