Have you ever left a child in the car or elsewhere accidentally?

[idnib]

I haven't left my kids anywhere but I was left when I was an infant by my ridiculously wonderful, competent, and loving parents.

 

Also, one time my brother got out of the house when he was a toddler. He was napping and woke up and left while my mom thought he was still asleep. A trucker brought him to the door after finding him on the side of the highway. (We lived in a rural area at that time.) 

[dollhouse]

Once, when my son was a newborn, another friend and her young children were over at my house playing. During this time, I had to run out to my other child's preschool to pick him up, and I brought the baby with me. I felt in a big hurry to get back, since I had left my friend with my other kids at my house. When I returned, a truck was blocking my driveway so I parked on the street. Everything was so outside of the usual circumstances, and I was in such a postpartum fatigue haze, that I came back into the house with only my preschooler--baby was still in the car. After about a minute, my friend asked, "Where's the baby?"

 

It wasn't a hot day, and the baby was asleep and fine. Maybe two minutes or so had elapsed.  I'm sure I would have noticed very soon on my own that the baby had been left in the car. But STILL. It was so humbling, and so potentially scary. Still one of my worst parenting memories. I swear I'm an attentive, loving mom!

[ErinE]

No, but I know it could happen to anyone. I, too, am super paranoid and do roll calls, but I know it only takes a moment of forgetfulness.

[SamanthaCarter]

I did it once. My youngest. It still makes my heart rate go up to think about it. She was an infant, asleep in the back and I was running an errand. Thank the Lord is was a fall evening so temperature wasn't a big deal. Ugh. 

[SamanthaCarter]

Also I have lost my oldest several times. He's always been a runner and has a mind of his own. 

[staceyobu]

Never left a kid in the car.

 

But, after my (then) four year old almost drowned under my supervision, I've stopped being so judgemental on others' parenting mistakes.

[Laurie4b]

I forgot to pick up my youngest (2 years old)  after Sunday school. Usually his father picked him up (change of routine) and I was out on the playground after church with the others when one of my other kids asked where the youngest was. His teacher was patiently waiting for me to show up. I was mortified! 

[Catherine]

Yes, once.  Dh and I and 2 young kids were at the house of family friends, where we had arrived in separate cars.  When we got home (only about 5 blocks away) we both realized that we thought the other had brought older ds, who was 6, home, but neither of us had.  Easily remedied, no harm done.  Ds thought it was hilarious that he had gotten away with "fooling" us as he had hidden to avoid having to leave before he was ready.  

[sweetstitches]

No.  I did however "lose" a two-year-old at WDW once though....

 

I started to completely panic.  My husband just stared at me like I had two heads.  I was holding him at the time!!!!

[Tanaqui]

I personally haven't, but this is more due to paranoia than anything else. I routinely start heading towards the corner store when I mean to go to the supermarket, or to the drugstore when I mean to go to the bus stop, and I've been known to drop items simply because I forgot I was holding them, and I frequently forget to bring items with me when I need them, so from birth onwards I've been in the habit of doing a headcount every five or ten minutes when I'm out with the kids, and also whenever we switch location (like from the bus to the sidewalk, or the platform to the train). When we go out with friends, their friends always find it amusing to hear me call out "One, two, three, four, fiiiiiive, and me. And we have one, two, THREE bags. All right, that's everybody, let's move!" I'll even count up the adults if there are other adults with us. (And now it's getting a little silly, as they're ten and twelve, and one of them is even allowed to travel alone on the train, but I'm unable to break the habit!)

 

From what I've read, there are two situations where children are likely to be forgotten or misplaced. The first is when there is a schedule change - the parents go on autopilot and forget that today they have the kid because Dad had to go to the doctor instead of work, and thus couldn't drop baby off at daycare. This is especially likely to happen when parents are overtired and stressed - well, when you have an infant, aren't you always tired? The trick is to make sure you are in the habit of always, always, always looking for your child. (This has the unfortunate side effect of freaking you out periodically when you don't have the kid when you forget you aren't supposed to, but that's a small cost in this case.) There are people who stick their purse in the back seat when they have the kid in the car, or who stick a post-it to the driver's window, or who put a doll in the front seat. Anything that forces you to look in the back seat will do the trick.

 

The second is when there are a lot of adults, and it's not 100% clear who is responsible for each child, like the recent drowning at a beach. This situation is where the buddy system comes in handy, and also having each child (or pair of children) attached to a specific, designated adult so there is no confusion about who is supposed to be watching Johnny and who is supposed to be keeping an eye on Andrea.

 

As for these teenage mothers convinced that only an awful parent could do something like this, I'd let it drop. First, they're teenagers, and weren't we all self-righteous at that age? Secondly, as teenage mothers, they get a lot of garbage from other people all the time. This is bound to make even the most easygoing young woman a little defensive. As they get older, they'll learn.

 

But, after my (then) four year old almost drowned under my supervision, I've stopped being so judgemental on others' parenting mistakes.

 

That almost happened to me, and she was RIGHT next to me. I didn't know it was drowning, because I didn't know what drowning looks like.

[BigMamaBird]

I have never done it, but I can totally understand how it could be done, even by the most loving and attentive parents.   Mom Brain is a real thing!

[fdrinca]

I voted "no, never", but I wouldn't put it past me to not remember that I did that once. (LOL)

 

Exactly this! First thought: no. Second thought: hmm...did I? Third thought: Maybe?

 

It gives me much sympathy for those who do.

[Desert Strawberry]

No. The closest I've come is walking out of the house without Luna. She was asleep on my bed. I saw her empty seat and want exactly sure what had happened for a second. All the other kids were in the car. I hadn't locked the door or anything yet. 

[Tammi K]

The abandonee has not always been left by me - in fact, I was only culpable on one occasion but, in order of events:

 

DD#2 was left in a MacDonalds bathroom in Germany when she was 4. She needed to go but couldn't open the door. I opened it to let her in and instructed her to wait for me and i would open it after I placed our order. I ordered and took it back to the car and DH asked where she was. Oops. She was annoyed but not scared by the situation.

 

DS#1 was left at school by the car pool driver. I wasn't there. I'm innocent! DS waited in the office while car pool dad drove back the 40 minute ride to collect him.

 

DD#4 was left at a museum when we all boarded the shuttle bus back to the parking lot each assuming someone else had her.  We discovered that she was missing when we got back to the car. The museum staff treated her like gold and she came away with several kinder eggs and a few stuffed Yowie toys. She was quite impressed with her haul.

 

It was after that incidence we made sure we were 'all present and accounted for' rather than 'majority on-board."

 

[SquirrellyMama]

When my oldest was a baby, can't remember how old she was, I left her in the bathtub. The phone rang and I left to answer it. I have no idea why I left the bathroom to answer the phone. I knew better. Of course I forgot about the baby in the tub. When I hung up I remembered. My heart fell into my stomach as I ran back to the bathroom. She was fine, but we were lucky

 

Kelly

[Petrichor]

No, and I have always been paranoid of leaving a kid in the car. I always check to make sure everyone is buckled - either by listening for the buckles to click or by adjusting my mirror to see the backseat. But I understand that it can happen, and I don't fault parents for forgetting when their routine changes. 

 

BUT, I only have one DC, if I ever had to leave DS anywhere, drop off/pick up was always my responsibility (we never had any change in routine), and until he was at least 3, he was always with me in the daytime - so if I had to run errands, I knew he had to be with me.

 

All of my "scares" related to not knowing where my kid was were due to him sneaking out of the house at 3, 4, 5 years old.

 

 

[Chelli]

I've never forgotten my kids anywhere, but I'm kind of paranoid about it like other pps have mentioned. Probably because my mom left me at school more than once and had to come back and get me so I didn't want to do that to my kids if at all possible.

 

However, I don't judge others who have done it because I totally understand how it could happen.

[Miss Marple]

The memories:  My mother tells of the time she left me in my crib as they headed to church camp with a car load of youngsters.  She had the responsibility of loading up about 8 kids in the station wagon (this was before car seats were required).  As they were driving out of the driveway, one of the girls asked where the baby was.  Another time I was left and locked in church - I was busy in the back playing and family was headed home to host a Sunday dinner with visiting missionaries.  I was left at least once at a gas station on a vacation...as a pre-teen, I developed the impression that they were trying to get rid of me lol.

 

My own time of forgetfulness was similar.  We were eating at Mazzios with a few other families who had children as well.  Of course all the kiddos wanted to visit their friends' homes so everyone was taking home someone else's kids that day.  I looked back in the van and saw that all the seats were full and we drove towards home.  One of our friends, still at Mazzios, called and asked if we were sure we had gotten all the kids.  I assured her that we had...all the seats were full...she informed me otherwise.  We had apparently left our youngest (age 10 at the time).  They brought him home to us.  

 

I have great sympathy for those who inadvertently leave a sleeping child in a car.  I know it can happen.  I have less sympathy when the car is parked at a bar, casino, or other venue that doesn't let children in.  Really, a sleep deprived individual is capable of great forgetfulness...what I don't understand is how a couple can both forget.

[Butter]

No.  I did however "lose" a two-year-old at WDW once though....

 

I started to completely panic.  My husband just stared at me like I had two heads.  I was holding him at the time!!!!

 

I "lost" my oldest son at playgroup once.  He was right around a year and very mobile (he started walking at 9 months).  I totally started to panic looking for him and not being able to find him in the big room we were all in.  One of my friend politely pointed out I was at that time nursing the boy.  Oops.

[lanabug]

Yes, I accidentally left dd in the car when she was about 5 months old. I had planned to drop her and older dd at my parents' house while I went to the post office. Baby fell asleep on the way over, so I just took her on to the post office with me. I ran in, bought my stamps from the automated machine, and didn't even realize I'd left her in the car until I returned and saw the car seat in the back seat. Fortunately, it was only about 5 minutes or so, she was still asleep, and the weather was very mild so the car was still a comfortable temperature inside. I sat in the parking lot and cried for a while before I could pull myself together. I was so mad at myself for doing something so potentially dangerous!

 

Lana

[gardenmom5]

I have no memory of ever doing that - but I do know people who have. (I was even there for one.)  sometimes things just happen, especially when out of a routine, or an extremely hectic time.

 

the closest I can think of was thanksgiving, when niece invited two of her friends (WITHOUT ASKING ME (no dear, your mother's permission doesn't count) OR PRIOR NOTICE to my sit down china silver crystal and exact number of places dinner) and completely threw off my count (30 people) that I mistakenly thought had been rectified.  everything was thrown off, and my son got left playing in the basement while everyone else ate. I was mortified when I realized my son had been left out.  just one more reason I came to despise thanksgiving with dh's family. (I've refused to host for four years - and it has been wonderful)

 

eta: I do not count the times I've turned my back for <five seconds and they disappeared. . . . . .

[Wheres Toto]

 

 

The second is when there are a lot of adults, and it's not 100% clear who is responsible for each child, like the recent drowning at a beach. This situation is where the buddy system comes in handy, and also having each child (or pair of children) attached to a specific, designated adult so there is no confusion about who is supposed to be watching Johnny and who is supposed to be keeping an eye on Andrea.

 

 

I always hate these situations.  I feel like if "everyone" is watching the kids, it's too easy to have moments when nobody is.

 

I don't think I've forgotten my kids anywhere.  We have lost them once or twice, usually not for long.  Ds used to love hiding in corners and little spaces.  We were shocked at the places he would squeeze into.  We have a small house with no closets so there really isn't anyplace for him to hide, yet he managed it.

 

I almost forgot to pick up my kids at the Y after work today.  They were there with their teacher so it wouldn't have been a big deal but I was in autopilot and forgot to take the turn to the Y.  I do the autopilot driving thing a LOT. 

[Guest]

Several friends have headed home from church and forgot a kid. I think it happens when routine changes. 

 

I did this.  On Mother's Day.  

 

Yipes!  

 

(He was safe in the Sunday School, but *still*...)

[Kerileanne99]

I feel compelled to add that our memories are NOT as reliable as we want them to be. The situations in which the vast majority of infants are genuinely forgotten - not just for a minute, but all day - are times when families changed their habits for some reason - mom takes baby to daycare instead of dad who needs to get the oil changed, dad picks up toddler from playgroup instead of mom, mom has to run an unusual errand on the way back from somewhere, etc. Our brains are on autopilot way more than we realize.

 

The real "dummies" are the parents who think "that could never happen to me!" because they're clearly not aware of how the brain and memory really work. It could happen to the smartest Einstein or the most organized Flylady. It could happen to anyone because that's our crazy shortcut seeking brains. So it's real hubris and hopefully not "pride goeth before a fall" to the moms who are so sure they'll never ever forget their kids.

ITA.

My hubby is very, very organized and intelligent. He has a PhD in chemistry. I have never seen him even raise his voice.

When our son was 3 months old we dropped dd5 off for a kids night out and met friends at a restaurant for dinner. The handicapped spots were occupied, so hubby used the front loading zone to drop me off in my wheelchair. We had a conversation about whether I should take the baby with me or he would bring him in the infant seat.

It was a busy night, there was an accident in the parking lot, hubby had to circle for a parking spot and ultimately had to park in an adjacent lot...when he came walking up he didn't have the baby and we both panicked.

 

Our friends found it hysterical:(. Baby was never really in danger, but it IS Texas. A different time of year, a slightly different situation, no significant other present to question?

 

It CAN happen to anyone...and does. Never, ever assume...I am so much more tolerant.

[mommaduck]

Yes, briefly, a long time ago. Break in routine and postpartum driving when I should not have been. Scared the hell out of me. I became freaky paranoid about it. It was not sure to neglect, uncaring, or anything else. I had an elderly cousin that posted an article about it happening on Facebook. I sent her basically the same information about routine break and memory as Lucy Stoner mentioned. I told her how easy it was to have happen and even pointed out how people home about having that one time you leave a kid at church. Same thing. It happens. It's tragic when it ends horribly. I feel absolutely awful for those parents. I agree with using memory triggers to help.

[AmandaVT]

I have not, but I only have one and he was prone to carsickness even as a baby. Which meant that all car rides involved a screaming baby. As he got older, he talked. Constantly. Still does actually, so there's no way he'd let me forget him. Oh, and he never slept in the car, probably because of the carsickness. 

 

I can see how it could easily happen though, change in routine, not used to having a child with you and then they fall asleep in the back, especially if they're rear facing!

[Pegs]

I had my completely naked, non-verbal 3 yo returned to me by a police officer once at a festival. A friend had said she'd keep an eye on him, but didn't. He'd stripped off and started to play in a water feature, then streaked a small concert. I probably should have acted more relieved or grateful, but I'd had no idea he was missing! I was busy packing down a stall when the copper rocked up.

[SparklyUnicorn]

No never.

 

I do confess to having accidentally not buckled one of my kids in though.  I was horrified when I discovered that! 

 

So I get that mistakes happen.  Don't want to come across as holier than thou. 

 

 

[Outdoorsy Type]

Sort of - I got home and my back was going out. I asked DH to get the groceries out of the truck and sat down at the table inside. I expected him to unbuckle my 2yo who was asleep in the car. Then I thought he must be outside hanging around my husband. I worried so I stepped outside to check, and he was still buckled and by that time crying. :( so yes, once for 5 min.

[ikslo]

Nope.  But I dropped DS on his head, so I have no right to judge.

[foxbridgeacademy]

Accidentally? No, but I'm super-surprised that I never did. I was so scattered by the time I got to the youngest I often forgot everything else.  

[Daria]

I voted no, but I didn't get a car until DS was out of a car seat.

 

I have done the opposite though, driven to school to pick up DS during summer vacation.

 

I have also forgotten to pick up the dog from daycare more than once.

[medawyn]

I have not, but I only have two and both still need to get put into their seats and buckled by me. Plus, as PP have noted, I'm a SAHM, so the kids are ALWAYS with me. I'm more prone to being aware of who's where.

 

I will confess to leaving each of my kids unbuckled in the car, though. With DD we were in a friend's car, so I buckled her into her bucket seat but forgot to buckle the seat into the car. I'm just so accustomed to having the base in my car. With DS, it was our first trip to the zoo without him being in the stroller. DD was wailing her head off, so I popped him in his seat, calmed her down, buckled her up, unloaded the stroller and put it in the trunk. It wasn't until we were 3/4 of the way home and I saw his little feet on the window that I realized what happened. Definitely pulled over on the side of the highway and tried not to cry while buckling him up.

 

My mom's family has hilarious stories about leaving kids. She's one of 8, and number 7 in particular had the propensity to wander off to talk to random strangers. He once got left at a gas station/truck stop for several hours. By his account, he had a great time. My grandmother doesn't remember it so fondly.

[DawnM]

About 4 years ago my DH drove all the way home from scouts (35 min. away) and left my youngest there.

 

We had messages on every phone we own from the scoutmaster saying, "Um, you left something here!"  

 

The scoutmaster took him to his house and DH had to turn right around and go all the way back for him.  That was after DH came home, put on his sweats and came into the kitchen for a snack.  He looked at me and said, "Where did J go?"  I thought he was joking.....nope, he wasn't.  He had no idea.

[DawnM]

Once my middle child, age 3, got out of his carseat at a gas station.  I had no idea.  I drove off and THANK GOD I looked in the rear view mirror.  He was hanging on to the door handle OUTSIDE the car.  I was about to turn on to a busy street.   I still almost cry when I think about it.

[Entropymama]

I can only remember once that we forgot a child somewhere. DH thought I had taken DS home from church. I thought he had him. But he was ten and there were lots of people we knew there. We lived about 8 minutes away and when DH walked in without him we realized immediately. 

 

However, that same DS snuck out when he was 2. DH was leaving for work in the morning and I was getting in the shower. Generally DS would climb in our bed and go back to sleep but that day he went out the front door and ran down the street after daddy. My leather-wearing, tattooed, biker neighbor brought him back and I got to answer the door in a towel. So fun. 

 

I also locked my two oldest in the car accidentally once. The fire dept. came and got them out. Also fun. 

 

There have been a few times they've run off in malls or something and we couldn't find them, but never for more than a few minutes. Still the longest minutes of my life. 

 

I spent four years working 911 for the Phoenix police and learned that stuff happens all the time. I never judge parents. 

 

 

[jelbe5]

I locked my van keys in the van by accident while Evelyn was buckled in her car seat inside the van. It was winter and she was young. I either did not have a cell phone or that was locked in the van, too. I ran into the grocery store and the staff called the police who came and used a tool to unlock the door for free.

 

My son who has autism wandered off from a friends back yard. I was distracted and thought he was playing in the sandbox under the raised deck. He wandered over to a nearby thrift store and someone in the parking lot realized there was a problem when he/she tried to talk to my son. That kind person held onto my son and called the police who picked him up. By that time I was on the phone to 911 and the policeman brought my son back to me. I am forever grateful to that person who hung onto my son and made that phone call.

 

When my youngest was a newborn I forgot to buckle the car seat down. She was buckled in the seat but the seat itself was not buckled in. That was definitely lack-of-sleep fog. Evelyn noticed and alerted me.

 

It is easy to make a mistake when distracted, out of routine or sleep deprived.

[LucyStoner]

Never, not in a decade of sleep deprivation. Maybe because we were never driving ? Always walking or taking public transport ? Idk. Babies were always in a sling or a pram, toddler and small children were always holding a hand or the side of the pram.

 

I don't think it's super common to lose or leave behind a child, but I can see how it could happen.

Once when I was about 4 or 5 I got left on the bus. My parents thought I had gotten off with them, but no, I had stayed on the stairs by the back door. I think I was scared that the doors were going to close on me or something. It was downtown and the stops are staggered so my parents couldn't retrieve me for a few blocks.

 

Another time I went home on the wrong school bus after school. This was in the height of the cross town bussing program to integrate schools here and so, because the routes were SO LONG, it was quite some time before I realized I was on the wrong bus and the bus driver realized he still had a kid on the bus after the last stop. I think I got home after 7 that night. My parents were frantic. I was 5. I was very short and very quiet at 5, so easy to get overlooked.

[texasmama]

No, but I forgot to pick up college girl from school once when she was in kindy. I had been up all night with ds1 who had an ear infection, and I completely forgot. The school called. She was crying. They scolded me, and I had to call my ex to go get her and confess I forgot. Still remember how that felt.

[Shellydon]

No, never.  I too, cannot fathom someone forgetting, but name calling is uncalled for.

[Melissa in Australia]

no never, but I live in a climate where 5 minutes  in a shut car could be fatal. We have always been very very diligent on this. 

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I did.  Older dd (11 at the time) was at a homeschool support facility (a church) taking a standardized test.  It wasn't a timed test, so it went longer then anticipated.  While waiting for her to come out, 2yodd was toddling around, playing with other kids and moms, all waiting for their testing dc.  Well, when the door opened, and 11yodd came out, I got so engrossed in talking with her, asking her how it went, listening intently to her share her experience, we got in the car and drove away!  I forgot that 2yodd was even with me!  I didn't get far before my friend, who happened to be there waiting for her dd, called me and told me I had left C there.  I was horrified.  I didn't know anyone else there, so if my friend hadn't been there, or if she didn't have my number, I don't know how far I would have gotten before I realized I had left my little one.  Sheesh.  She was fine, of course -- hadn't even realized I was gone, but still!  I felt terrible.  

[KungFuPanda]

Never. I'm sure it's just luck. I've forgotten EVERYTHING else. My kids are 15 and 18, so I do t think I'm at risk for ever forgetting them. Maybe this is more of a problem for routine oriented folks than seat-of-your-pants folks?

[MomtoCandJ]

I haven't but I've been known to walk around the car to the backseat to get out a child that is not there (I usually always have at least one kid with me so it kind of automatic). Now dh has left dd1 in my car before for about 5 minutes when we lived in Georgia, it was "winter" time so it wasn't hot but it did freak him out. He had picked her up from me and had my car. Both were unusual to him. She was not yet one and had fallen asleep.

[rose]

I can't remember. I'm sure that I have left them somewhere though. I'm a little spacey at the best of times and I don't know how a person can possibly keep track of 6 children without ever getting distracted to the point of forgetting one of them momentarily.

 

One thing that could be pointed out to the FB moms is that even Jesus' parents lost track of him at one point. Granted, he was 12 but they actually got a day out of town before they relised their mistake.

[Camelfeet]

No, but I have done a lot of other things that would have many gasping about how horrible a parent I am, some of the them intentional, so I'm not one to throw stones.

[rebcoola]

Yes I was at a playdate at McDonald's and younger DD was like 4 months and sleeping peacefully in her car seat out of the way.  I was chatting with friends when older DD asked to go potty so I took her.  I realized when I got back that I had completely forgotten the baby was there of course she was in no danger but it made me aware of how easy it is to forget about a sleeping baby. 

 

About the same time one of my friends also forgot her baby she had 3 other kids 4 &under, she set the baby in the carrier on the sidewalk to help her oldest with her strap and forgot to put the baby in the car and drove off luckily they noticed with a couple of minutes and baby was still happily bundled in her seat.

[fraidycat]

No never.

 

I do confess to having accidentally not buckled one of my kids in though. I was horrified when I discovered that!

 

So I get that mistakes happen. Don't want to come across as holier than thou.

This, I'm pretty sure I did at least once with each of my kids.

[kewb]

I have not but I can understand how easily it can happen. You are sleep deprived, exhausted, and have many things on your mind.

I haven't forgotten mine but I have done my fair share of mistakes.

[Word Nerd]

Maybe this is more of a problem for routine oriented folks than seat-of-your-pants folks?

Maybe, but if you work regular hours or have another daily appointment, class, or scheduled event outside the home, it becomes a routine whether you're routine-oriented or not.