PinkTulip Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Just FYI: this is a JAWM. I just found out that my in- laws are coming next week for an 8-day visit. How did I learn about this? Phone call, email, text? No. DH's aunt called about something unrelated, and said, "I'm looking forward to seeing you next week when (MIL & FIL) will be in town." Wait, what?! DH has not heard a thing, so we ask the kids if they know anything. Ds11 says, yeah, they said when they were here at Christmas that they would try to come for my birthday (next week). That's it. No word to DH or I ever, then or since. So DH texts his mom tonight: yep, they're coming next week and staying for 8 days. A little background: they have come to stay with us every Christmas for 17 days for the last 21 years. The only Christmas morning I have had with just my hubs and kids was the one year we saved up enough to go out of town. On top of the Christmas visit, they come between 4-6 times a year, for a minimum of 3-5 days each time. I am a complete introvert and it stresses me out big time when they are here. They are music and theater people - the more noise and chaos, and the louder the better. They expect me to feed them for every meal, don't help with any of the clean-up, and drive them all over to their activities they have planned with the kids. Then they invite all the other relatives in the area over and I become hostess to 20+ people every night. Did I mention I'm an introvert? The week they are coming is spring break for my kids (they're all in PS this year). We have dealt with some really serious health issues this year and I have been looking forward to a week of peace and quiet with a lot of family time - movies, sleeping in, etc. That is not going to happen now. DH and I have both read the book Boundaries, and have had numerous talks with them about checking with us before planning a visit. They completely ignore us and then just show up, like this time. At least this time they are staying in a nearby hotel, but I know they will be here from 8 am- midnight every day. Ugh!!!! I am so angry and frustrated right now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jasperstone Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Oh no!!! Yikes! I would mention that you are recovering from health issues, so you can't be the usual hostess this time round. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewellsmommy Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 :grouphug: that does sound very frustrating. Since they will be there for the whole break, is there any way that they can watch the kids and house and let you and your dh take an overnight somewhere (inexpensive hotel) or a day out just for you? They can order pizza or something. Good luck. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I am so incredibly sorry. What does your DH say? Since you have had discussions with them regarding boundaries in the past and they have not respected that, perhaps now is the time to be a lot more firm? Let your DH explain that while they are loved and welcome to come, your family needs some time to be together alone. Ask them to come halfway through the week instead of staying for the whole week. Be firm but loving. And be extremely clear that this is not negotiable. They did not discuss this with you at all. They have ignored past requests to inform you of visits. It is time to be extremely firm and if they still don't listen, then maybe plan a vacation away for a couple of days. Yes this may cause waves but if you don't make it abundantly clear that you have rights here, they may never listen. This may only get worse and worse. Your DH needs to step up to the plate and not let them walk all over your lives. I'm sure they don't realize just how stressful this is, and may not understand your feelings at all. Irregardless of their intentions, they need to respect your boundaries. Good luck. 25 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 You've read about boundaries, now it's time to put them into play. The key thing about asserting boundaries is that the other party doesn't have to be happy about it, or agree to it. If you and your husband don't want them at your house 16 hours a day - don't let that happen! If they show up at 8am, tell them you'll be glad to meet them for lunch, but right now your children are sleeping and you're prepping breakfast, then close the door. (If they do it the next day, to be honest, I wouldn't even answer. They'll get the hint. Very few people pester me in this manner, possibly because nobody likes me*, definitely because I don't let them) Meet for lunch someplace public, then tell them you have plans it was nice seeing them and maybe tomorrow you can do something else. Then go home - and don't let them come. You can cushion this with as many manners as you like, just remember the final piece: No is a complete sentence. It's okay to Just Say No. * I'm okay with that. 20 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Dear Mom and Dad, How lovely that you've planned a visit. We'll look forward to seeing you on (2-3 days you're willing to be available). We'd be happy to host a get-together on (pick a day). As you may be aware, the week of your visit is spring break for the young Clementines. Unfortunately, we were unaware of your travel plans, and we've got plans for most of the rest the time you'll be here. (Insert the following if you're willing to be a part of a family get-together or meal out NOT hosted by you): If you've got other events or outings planned with the family, please let us know and we'll try to rearrange our schedule to accommodate some of those plans; otherwise, we're only available on (repeat the days you're willing to be available). We look forward to seeing you! Love, Mr. Clementine and Clementine 38 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkTulip Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 Thank you so much friends. My back aches from trying to have a strong enough backbone to stand up to them all these years. These are all good reminders to keep it up. I've just put a hold on Boundaries from the library to review again before they come. Tomorrow I will be furiously making "plans" for several of the days they are here (even if it's a Star Trek or Harry Potter movie marathon!) I will call MIL tomorrow and graciously tell her the days and times we are available, and then stick to my guns. I will also steel myself for the passive-aggressive comments that I know are coming, such as "it's so sad that I have to find out what my grand kids are doing from their Instagram accounts (DS17), instead of getting pictures from you." Yes, it is so sad. I'm thinking that another sit-down talk from DH and I is in order this visit. I'll start writing my bullet points now. 😀 28 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I think it was Dear Abby who used to say, "No one can take advantage of you without your permission." Dig in your heels and protect your space! Hugs :) 18 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I will also steel myself for the passive-aggressive comments that I know are coming, such as "it's so sad that I have to find out what my grand kids are doing from their Instagram accounts (DS17), instead of getting pictures from you." Yes, it is so sad. Oh, ick. I'm wincing on your behalf over here. I loathe that sort of garbage. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I'd just go out of town and forget to tell them about our plans. 23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 so glad for you that this time they are staying somewhere else. I would find it really hard as well :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I feel like I'm missing something. You don't want them to visit, so why don't you simply say no? It's time for your dh to grow up and stand up to his parents. I would never tolerate anything like the garbage you're describing. Honestly, I know this is going to sound mean, but I don't blame your in-laws; I blame you and your dh for letting them get away with their behavior. They are only taking advantage of you because you allow it. I know this is a JAWM thread and that you were just venting, but I feel so badly for you because I would be livid, too, and I am really hoping you will realize that you absolutely don't need to let your in-laws walk all over you like this. :grouphug: 24 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflections Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I so feel your pain. Must be something in the air. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I'd be seriously PO'd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah CB Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Thank you so much friends. My back aches from trying to have a strong enough backbone to stand up to them all these years. These are all good reminders to keep it up. I've just put a hold on Boundaries from the library to review again before they come. Tomorrow I will be furiously making "plans" for several of the days they are here (even if it's a Star Trek or Harry Potter movie marathon!) I will call MIL tomorrow and graciously tell her the days and times we are available, and then stick to my guns. I will also steel myself for the passive-aggressive comments that I know are coming, such as "it's so sad that I have to find out what my grand kids are doing from their Instagram accounts (DS17), instead of getting pictures from you." Yes, it is so sad. I'm thinking that another sit-down talk from DH and I is in order this visit. I'll start writing my bullet points now. 😀 Do you think a schedule might help? Whenever my family comes to visit I make up a schedule and post it on the fridge. It lists the days everyone arrives and departs, any major activities (beach day, wine tour, movie night, etc.) as well as whose day it is to cook dinner. I decided early on that it was a lot easier to put someone different in charge of dinner each night. It's their responsibility to get groceries and cook (although there are always people helping and clean-up is shared) but they can order in if they want to. Bottomline is that it's not my responsibility. Maybe find out from your in-laws if there is a specific night or two that they would like to have people over and schedule that in. Let them know that they are each responsible for dinner for one night but that it's fun - they can share their favourite dish with their grandkids, have quality time in the kitchen showing the grandkids how to cook the meal, etc. Maybe even schedule an "Introvert Recovery Night" in the middle where you let them know that they'll have to make plans to be elsewhere that night. Then send them a copy of the schedule. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 OK sounds awful. I can't imagine being in someone's space for 8 days. I can't imagine multiple times a year. Spring break. I'd throw together a camping trip. Id leave the day before Inlaws arrived. I'd probably be gone only 3 days, but that's enough to say "we aren't changing plans to include you." Invite family over? MIL, what are YOU making your guests. There must be a reason you haven't worked on enforcing boundaries. As long as that reason exists (and/or you choose to let it exist) you need to learn to let it go. Otherwise, your resentment will eat you alive. You do have choices, you just have recognize what the choices are. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slache Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 All of you guys have lovely advice but these people just sound selfish. OP, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. This sucks. You're the keeper of the home. It should be yours. I'm so sorry. :grouphug: Tell them not to come. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 (((Hugs)))). That's all. Rock, please meet my friend Hard Spot. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I'd be tempted to kick start the boundaries thing by changing the locks and getting out of town. Our towns has an option that lets you inform local police that you will be away, and they will keep an eye on your home during regular police patrols, calling if something is wrong. I'd do that too. Good luck! It can be hard to change entrenched behavior. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalsummer Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I am also an introvert, and from a small family (one sister, not hugely close to extended family, certainly they hardly ever ever visited as a kid). DH has pretty much the opposite. In-laws seem to have different understanding/expectation of family interaction/boundaries than I do, and I have had to be, at times, quite direct about it (also stressful as I am non-confrontational in addition to being rather introverted). I have had to say, or have DH say, quite plainly: Sara needs some space for a few days. You have been here for a while (2-3 days is pretty much my max excepting emergencies) and it has been nice but you must go home now. They just don't know when to leave! I feel kind of bad about it but not too bad. I am sorry you're having this imposition at a time when you planned some down time with the kids. If you have any chance of standing up to them at all, now is a great time. :) If not, I understand, been there. :( 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Pack up and take the kids to a hotel. Get room service every day and don't bother cooking. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 This is a great time to teach them a hard lesson. I wouldn"t host these people a single day. Think of it as not only for your sake, but the kids, too. They are learning to stand up for themselves (or not) by observing their parents. It might make it easier to do if you think of them. The Christmas thing is tragic. Take back your holiday! Boundaries only work for some people if there are consequences to breaking them. Really this is primarily on dh to stand up to mom and dad and put his wife first. Please, please, give yourself permission to have a say over your own home and time. This so pains me on your behalf. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I'm serious, I damn well wouldn't host someone at the drop of a hat like that. I might very well *invite* a friend over at the last minute, but if they just informed me they were coming and required chauffeur service? Well, my thoughts would be unprintable, although I might manage to refrain from actually saying the words, but I would tell them to rent a car and hire the back room at a restaurant if they want to host gatherings. This is utterly ridiculous. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 This happened to me once with a niece. I feel for you :grouphug: I'm an introvert who hates confrontation. I'd be tempted to get away too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 . I will also steel myself for the passive-aggressive comments that I know are coming, such as "it's so sad that I have to find out what my grand kids are doing from their Instagram accounts (DS17), instead of getting pictures from you." Yes, it is so sad. OMG. I think I would roll my eyes so hard they fall out of the back of my head. :svengo: She's lucky that she gets that! My teen doesn't have an instagram account (neither do I) and I hardly ever take pictures of anything, much less print and mail them. Seems to me like a grandchild with an instagram account is a grandmothers dream come true! They get constant updated photos of everything going on. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm an introvert, too. I would wig out. I also happen to have been raised by wolves, so my version would be much less kind than yours. Do you have a friend, locally, that you could use as a sort of accountability partner for this? Someone you could call, at least once per day, and report how you've done on holding the line? Maybe even call them up and have a phone call "already going" when these people show up at your door unasked? She can talk to you and coach and encourage you as you tell them to buzz off? 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 This is not a problem between you and your IL's. It is a problem between you and your dh. He needs to be the one to resolve this. I am not being hard on you I am just coming from a relationship where dh won't say no to his parents. 27 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 wow :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 What a nightmare!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 You're a saint. As an introvert I couldn't do that schedule. Alley 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I would not cook or clean up one meal for them. It is not cool that they do th that to you. I am sorry. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: There is no way I could handle that expectation. I would be feigning some sort of very contagious illness if my dh wouldn't/coudn't call them and tell them not to come, or at least for so long. I don't like it if a neighbor comes over unannounced, I can't imagine relatives inviting themselves over for DAYS with no notice. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Vent away!! I'm an introvert too, and I could NEVER host someone, I don't care who, for 17 days!! :svengo: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Their completely unreasonable expectations do not dictate your behavior. I hope you don't just vent about the situation here. Take action and stand up for yourself even if your DH won't. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jyhwkmama Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 You need to visit DWIL Nation (just google it). They are a little harsh, but very helpful in this type of situation. Yes, as Mama Geek previously said, you have a DH problem. He needs to tell them no-RIGHT NOW! Get your anger on and set some boundaries. I understand why you are so angry. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeWillSoar Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 That just sounds awful! The complete opposite of my in-laws who never come to see the kids. Can't there be a middle ground?! I especially would not like feeling like I had to cook for every meal, and then you don't even get much time to plan! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Given what you wrote about that this is an ongoing problem and that you have had recent health problems and the kids have been in school and you were looking forward to some down time together as a family, I would just let them know that you aren't available that week. At all. No explanations. Hopefully, it will teach them something, but if not at least you'll get your much needed down time. From my POV, the big danger here isn't that you suck it up and lose a week to them. The big danger here is that your family doesn't get that down time and you get further and further behind the 8Ball in terms of fatigue and stress. Can you really take that? Maybe this is the time to gird up thy yoga pants and say no. 18 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 No joke, I would tell dh that it is time to deal with his parents. Then, I'd pack up the kids and head for a hotel. Dh can join if he wants or he can entertain his folks for a week. NO WAY I would let them make me miserable in my own home. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Sounds like this is a clash of family cultures. I get it. I don't know how to fix it. They regard their visit as a significant undertaking that is doing everyone a favor. As such, it then behooves everyone to be great hosts, be delighted to see them, and welcome them wholeheartedly while pampering them to death. OR they see this kind of treatment (of them) as their due as the older generation. Which is it? That would really help with what to do about it. It sounds like your DH either views it more or less as they do (hence my calling this a family culture clash) or at least is intimidated enough or easygoing enough not to object. I'm interested to know how they welcome/host people to their home. Do they drive them everywhere and feed them and do all the work as they seem to expect of you? My grandmother was like that, and she just plain didn't want any help. When we offered to bring side dishes to her lavish holiday parties she was almost insulted by the idea that she couldn't manage. Honestly, people like that tend not to offer help as a compliment to the host/hostess or as a feeling that there is reciprocity when they host. I myself think that when I'm hosting it is rude for me to ask for help, although I welcome offers gladly on a case by case basis. OTOH, I also think that it is rude to invite onesself into that kind of experience, and I wouldn't have any trouble saying no.If you know which thing is going on, it will be easier to address it. Something I might do in that circumstance is say, "I didn't realize you were going to be in town--I guess that means that you'll be visiting others while you're here, pretty much. Hope we can see you sometime during the week. How about Wednesday night?" And if they answered, oh no, we are planning to spend the whole week with you I'd say, "You know, this is too late notice for us to clear our calendar like that--I'm so sorry! How about Wednesday and Friday? It will be great to see you! Next time let's be sure and coordinate this a little more in advance." 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 No joke, I would tell dh that it is time to deal with his parents. Then, I'd pack up the kids and head for a hotel. Dh can join if he wants or he can entertain his folks for a week. NO WAY I would let them make me miserable in my own home. This. I know this is a JAWM post, but the only way this will ever change is if you and your DH not only talk to them about boundaries but actually follow through and stop allowing them to do this—even if it means being rude and making them angry. They have no incentive to stop showing up unannounced and inviting other people to your home because you and your DH continue to cater to their whims, cook for and clean up for them, and go along with whatever plans they make. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I'm sorry. I hope you and your dh can figure out a way to have a decent spring break. I am sure with all your recent stresses, you probably were REALLY looking forward to next week and now feel that your anticipation has been ruined by this unexpected invasion. So sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I will also steel myself for the passive-aggressive comments that I know are coming, such as "it's so sad that I have to find out what my grand kids are doing from their Instagram accounts (DS17), instead of getting pictures from you." Yes, it is so sad. I've actually has someone say something similar to me. I replied, "Remember the days when people came to the New World or travelled across the continent in a wagon and nobody heard from them for a year? Yet they were still loved and missed. Isn't it crazy how expectations change? Weird." Followed by a puzzled look. If it were me I would tell them that because we had no communication they were coming, we already made other unbreakable plans, and I would do something else. I'm also an introvert and while these visits would be very difficult, what would bug me much more was the lack of notice and communication. The long visits with extra folks seem clueless and inconsiderate, but the lack of notice just pushes it into extremely rude and entitled territory. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Thank you so much friends. My back aches from trying to have a strong enough backbone to stand up to them all these years. These are all good reminders to keep it up. I've just put a hold on Boundaries from the library to review again before they come. Tomorrow I will be furiously making "plans" for several of the days they are here (even if it's a Star Trek or Harry Potter movie marathon!) I will call MIL tomorrow and graciously tell her the days and times we are available, and then stick to my guns. I will also steel myself for the passive-aggressive comments that I know are coming, such as "it's so sad that I have to find out what my grand kids are doing from their Instagram accounts (DS17), instead of getting pictures from you." Yes, it is so sad. I'm thinking that another sit-down talk from DH and I is in order this visit. I'll start writing my bullet points now. 😀 That passive aggressive stuff is emotional manipulation. Recognize it for what it is and let it strengthen your response rather than crush your resolve. Sorry you have to deal with this. I like the email reply posted upstream, I would absolutely send something like that. (((Sorry))) By the way, these are your in laws? Your husband needs to be involved in managing his parents. JMO 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forty-two Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 :grouphug: When my ILs visit (planned and welcomed) it's still pretty stressful. I tend to do the "mi casa es su casa" thing - here's the kitchen, feel free to use it whenever - just clean up when you're done :). And I go hide whenever in my bedroom when I need some peace and quiet. My grandma is an introvert, and my grandpa is an extravert, and there's *always* people dropping in and out of their house. Grandma used to do the hostess thing for everyone, fixing food and cleaning up and entertaining (and in retrospect probably martyring herself). But after major surgery, she wasn't able to do anything for months, and Grandpa learned how to take care of her and the house and all the visitors, instead of it always being Grandma taking care of everyone else (everyone, including Grandpa, said it was good for him ;)). Anyway, now she's a lot more relaxed, and only does what she's able to do without it being a problem. You want food - there's the kitchen, help yourself :). And she doesn't have a problem going to take a rest and letting people entertain themselves. And nobody minds :). Anyway, just throwing that out there - if you need rest, rest - everyone else will figure something out ;). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I didn't read all the replies, so I have no idea if this has already been addressed, but I would do what I could to be out of town (even if that means something cheap like camping) OR I would demand DH call and tell them they aren't welcome (obviously in a nicer way than that). Perhaps he can lie and say you all have the flu and they shouldn't come. Or your health issue is flaring up and they aren't welcome at this moment. Then you can sleep in and have the peace and quiet you want. Or maybe you can leave the kids with them and go out of town with just DH. My guess is THAT would make them angry enough to not just show up unnanounced. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Seriously, leave town. That way when they complain, you can feign innocence because they clearly didn't ok anything with you. Passive agressive? Yes. Effective? Probably. I might be too grumpy to be objective though. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Anyway, just throwing that out there - if you need rest, rest - everyone else will figure something out ;). The thing is, for many introverts (myself included), having people in your house makes it impossible to rest. It feels invasive. It doesn't matter if they are all sincerely ok with you going to rest, it's not restful to have a bunch of people in your house. 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Given what you wrote about that this is an ongoing problem and that you have had recent health problems and the kids have been in school and you were looking forward to some down time together as a family, I would just let them know that you aren't available that week. At all. No explanations. Hopefully, it will teach them something, but if not at least you'll get your much needed down time. From my POV, the big danger here isn't that you suck it up and lose a week to them. The big danger here is that your family doesn't get that down time and you get further and further behind the 8Ball in terms of fatigue and stress. Can you really take that? Maybe this is the time to gird up thy yoga pants and say no. Good thoughts here. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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