S/O Public restrooms--handicap stall

[Moxie]

A few weeks ago, I took my two little girls into a public bathroom with me. I chose the big handicapped stall because there were 3 of us. As I was in there, I could here a woman outside complaining about the handicapped stall being in use. She gave me the stink-eye as we left the stall.

 

So, is it wrong to use the handicapped stall if one is not handicapped??

[KarenC]

I do it all the time if the other stalls are full.  I don't think anyone should be prohibited from using it, but it's there if someone should need it.

[BigMamaBird]

It is perfectly legal for you to use them, you don't need a special potty placard.  It sounds like she had some verbal diarrhea that needed flushing.

[momofkhm]

My MIL can only use the handicapped stall and would also be rather vocal about someone else being in there if there were other stalls available.  Honestly, even hearing her go on about it, in your situation, I would still have used it.  When my girls were small we did it all the time.  It's just easier.  Now if there is another stall available, I leave the handicapped.  But if it's the only stall available, I would go in.  

[Anne in CA]

I have heard people in wheel chairs complain about this, but it always comes down to the mother with two (or more) small children has just as much right to use the only bathroom stall big enough to fit them all. The mother with small children is trying to keep them from getting lost, ect and that is just as important as the person in a wheel chair. 

[hornblower]

Use them - it's not like parking stalls which are ONLY for the handicapped.

Disabled bathroom stalls are for everyone and happen to be large enough & outfitted for people with disabilities to use.

[EmseB]

No, it's not wrong to use it. I think it's for people with kids, with strollers, or if they are handicapped. A lot of times I find the changing table in the largest stall.

 

It's not an injustice for someone who is handicapped to have to wait for the stall.

[mumto2]

I also want to point out that there are people who need the handicap stall who have no obvious handicaps. I always used them when my dc's were little so not criticizing! Due to a rough recovery from back surgery I really needed to use them at one point in my life. I was frequently told off because I was 30ish and appeared to be fine when leaving but I really had to have the added space and railings due to balance issues. Absolutely humiliating. Honestly no one should criticize anyone because they are there to serve a need.

[swellmomma]

Its not wrong to use them  They are also often the only spot in the bathroom with a changing table for the babies.  They are designed for anyone who needs more space than a standard stall can provide.  Heck I have had to use them in some locations just because I am fat and to fit into a standard stall and still close the door I would have to stand on the toilet itself.  I used them when my kids were small, everyone would pile into one stall and take turns going.  THat way I knew where everyone was at once and not need to use 4 stalls for the kids while holding it until I got home for me.

[gardenmom5]

I personally feel you should only use them if you have a legit need to (being handicapped, small children to keep track of) or it's the only one available.

 

My mom use to be a personal nurse to a woman in a wheel chair. Due to other medical things going on she also had poor control so if she had to wait then she might have a accident.

There are "normal" looking people with incontinence problems and/or need the bars or additional seat height.

 

I vote it's not an exclusivity thing - but for who needs it.

 

OP. You were fine. The whiner needs to get over herself.

[Jean in Newcastle]

There are "normal" looking people with incontinence problems and/or need the bars or additional seat height.

 

I vote it's not an exclusivity thing - but for who needs it.

I agree.  And "you"  (general you) are not in charge of determining who needs it.  

 

Actually, I've never seen people waiting to use it so I must go to fairly unpopulated restrooms.  

[KungFuPanda]

It's absolutely legal. It would be really nice if you're efficient. When you have a child who risks having an accident because his wheelchair won't fit in any other stalls it IS frustrating when a small family moves into the handicapped stall and has storytime. Still, the stalls are for everyone and not governed like parking spaces. They provide access, not some sort of reservation.

[JustEm]

Hehe.  I love when people bring this up.  There is an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm where the main character uses a handicap stall and as he's leaving the handicap guy gives him cr*p for it.  Towards the end of the episode the main character is waiting for a stall and the handicap guy from earlier comes out of a non- handicap stall.  So main character gives him cr*p for using the non-handicap stall.  

[zimom]

I frequent some disability boards and this topic frequently comes up.  I would say on average only about 20 percent on these boards feel the handicap stalls should be 'reserved' for them. 

 

My daughter, with a visible physical disability, refuses to use the handicap stall.   She will also tell you she is not disabled  :)   If there are only two stalls open, she goes in the regular one and I go in the handicap stall.

[chocolatechip]

I have never been in a public bathroom and ever seen a handicapped person waiting to use that stall. 

 

If for some reason I was waiting and a handicapped person was waiting behind me, I'd offer the handicapped one to them, of course.

 

But I'm not going to just not use it ever.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

A agree that they are designed to provide accessibility, like a ramp at an entrance.  They're not reserved spaces.  

 

If there were a line, and a wheelchair pulled up, I'd try to make sure they got first access.  But, if there's no one else in the bathroom, I don't hesitate to use the big one, this was especially true when I had little kids in tow, or I needed to use the changing table.

[redsquirrel]

Yeah, if there was a line, then of course the person in the wheelchair (or who needs it) gets dibs, but a parent with small children has equal dibs.

 

Heck, I've gone in quite a few and seen the changing table, and even a small potty for little ones. Clearly those aren't reserved only for handicapped folks

[Tanaqui]

Some people with disabilities that necessitate the use of the handicapped stall ALSO have disabilities that make it difficult to hold it in longer, so if you have a choice you really shouldn't use it.

 

However, if you don't have a choice, don't feel too guilty about it, just don't, you know, use the stall for your daily spa session.

[idnib]

"It's an accommodation, not a reservation." 

 

Someone told me this once when I had the same question.

[Anne in CA]

I also want to point out that there are people who need the handicap stall who have no obvious handicaps. I always used them when my dc's were little so not criticizing! Due to a rough recovery from back surgery I really needed to use them at one point in my life. I was frequently told off because I was 30ish and appeared to be fine when leaving but I really had to have the added space and railings due to balance issues. Absolutely humiliating. Honestly no one should criticize anyone because they are there to serve a need.

That's part of the reason it's not cool to comment on stuff like that. My MIL is the same way. She has a handicap which is not obvious. When I take her places, you should see the dirty looks people give when we get out of the car from our handicap spot. It looks like two able bodied women just hopping out of the car. They have no idea how hard it is for her to walk safely across the whole parking lot.

[Mergath]

I also want to point out that there are people who need the handicap stall who have no obvious handicaps. I always used them when my dc's were little so not criticizing! Due to a rough recovery from back surgery I really needed to use them at one point in my life. I was frequently told off because I was 30ish and appeared to be fine when leaving but I really had to have the added space and railings due to balance issues. Absolutely humiliating. Honestly no one should criticize anyone because they are there to serve a need.

 

:iagree:  With my dd's low muscle tone from her genetic disorder, sometimes she needs help in the bathroom when we're out in public.  She just doesn't have the hand strength to manage on her own some days.  And me and my almost seven year old just do not fit together in some of those regular stalls.  Is she technically disabled?  I don't think so.  But she has a medical condition that necessitates the use of the big stall on occasion, and if anyone irl decides to chew me out over it because she isn't visibly disabled, they're going to get an earful.  I'm incredibly sick of people who have bestowed upon themselves the right to decide who is or isn't "disabled enough" to use things like the handicapped stall.

[poppy]

I don't think you were wrong for using it. I tend not to use the handicap stall when I'm alone, but I certainly do use it when towing around little kids or (especially) a stroller.

 

I also don't really blame her for a little bitterness.  I had a brief stint in a wheelchair, and it was so hard. Everything that is simple became difficult. It was utterly exhausting. I imagine it's not different for many with less visible disabilities.  Or people completely worn down from being a caretaker for someone with those issues. 

 

So, if it was me, I'd just take a moment to be grateful for my many blessings, let it go, and move on.

[MomtoCandJ]

I've gotten dirty looks while using the changing table in the handicap stall... Well I'm sorry I didn't put there but if you have to go that bad, you can use the toilet, I'm not using that. Promise I won't look, I'm too occupied with squirmy baby.

[elegantlion]

Most of the public restrooms I use do not have a line and I will use the handicap stall. At school I do a lot because the regular stalls are tiny and I'm carrying a gigantic backpack. I also realized this week actually I have sight claustrophobia and if they're too small it bothers me. 

[Kerileanne99]

Okay, as someone in a wheelchair who has no real choice BUT to use the handicapped stall, I have some mixed thoughts on this subject. Most importantly, I do NOT believe they should be reserved for those in a wheelchair...and I am certainly not the bathroom police to judge who/when it is acceptable to use, lol. Mothers with small children? Please, I will waive you in ahead of me with a smile:) Every mother knows the pain of trying to shoehorn in to a stall with kids, or anxiously eying your child as they do the potty dance waiting their turn.

 

 

But I cannot tell you just how often I go into a public restroom and the handicapped stall is the ONLY one occupied. Loads of empty stalls and just the one I need is occupied by a seemingly perfectly able-bodied person. And I DO try not to judge, because I get it. Not every disability is visible, and often times there is other equipment in that stall such as raised/lowered seat and extra safety bars. But it can be very frustrating!

 

The other major thing: because the handicapped stall is usually the very first stall(most accessible) or the very last(same thing and some people choose it for more privacy), and people need/want more space, the HC stall tends to get a lot more use. This means that it is also the most likely to be the ONE stall with an out of order sign on the door. This sucks:)

I guess I would simply suggest courtesy. If there is another available and you don't need it, avoid that HC one just in case. If it is the last one, you have kids, it is more convenient for whatever purpose you need it for, then whatever.

 

I actually love the system in the UK. They have locked bathrooms for HC in many public places, public transport stations, etc. You can apply for a special Radar key to open them when you need, or ask someone else hat works there if you say, need one with a baby changing facility or whatever. It means they tend to stay in working order!

[Ellie]

 

So, is it wrong to use the handicapped stall if one is not handicapped??

 

Nope. As long as you aren't camping out in there, it's legal. :-)

[SparklyUnicorn]

Nothing wrong with using it. 

 

And who knows what her stink eye thing was all about.  Maybe she just had a grouchy looking face.  I look grouchy most of the time myself.

 

 

 

 

[Mommy22alyns]

Handicapped stalls are a lifesaver for moms!  I agree that it's not really anyone's right to decide if someone is "disabled enough" for the stall.

[Tammi K]

I believe it means that it is handicap accessible - not that it is the exclusive province of the handicapped. 

 

I have fibromyalgia and all it's accompanying issues.  I generally use the handicap stall because it has hand rails which are necessary for me to sit and stand more safely. I wouldn't identify myself as handicapped but I do appreciate the additional features in that larger, adapted stall. Who can say I do not 'deserve' to use it?

 

Sometimes perfectly able people have to wait for a stall.  That's life. Having a handicap accessible stall available for use is not the same as having that stall free every minute.

[Tammi K]

deleted because I realized the poster I quoted had already clarified her post and I missed it until after I posted this.

[DragonFaerie]

That's part of the reason it's not cool to comment on stuff like that. My MIL is the same way. She has a handicap which is not obvious. When I take her places, you should see the dirty looks people give when we get out of the car from our handicap spot. It looks like two able bodied women just hopping out of the car. They have no idea how hard it is for her to walk safely across the whole parking lot.

 

I was thinking about the parking lot thing just today.  My mom has a handicapped placard because she cannot walk very well and certainly not very far.  I took her to the grocery story today, and we parked in a handicapped spot.  I finished grocery shopping before her, so I went out to put my things in the car before going back in to her help with hers.  As I was walking back into the store, I thought, "People probably think I'm a big jerk being parked here, seemingly alone and with no apparent need." 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I have to admit that getting to the bathroom in time can be a difficult thing for me at times.  I think the onus is on me to wear protective clothing when I'm out, if that is a concern.  

 

The only times when there is a big wait for a stall though is if I'm at a theater or airport or amusement park or a rest area by the freeway. . . something of that nature and with the exception of rest areas for some reason, those venues tend to have huge restrooms that have pretty quick turn around time despite the crowds.  Otherwise I might have to wait for one person ahead of me but that's pretty much it.  

[Ali in OR]

I'm a mom of a kid in a wheelchair--I definitely need the larger space to change her. But I've also used the handicapped stalls just because I had small children. If it fulfills a real need, use it. If you just like the larger space but don't have a real need for its features, try to leave it for those who do need it.

[momto10blessings]

I think it's ok:

-When the restroom is busy (and there's no one in a wheelchair waiting, if there was I would wave them ahead maybe?)

- when You have small children (a lot of stalls are barely big enough for one person

-you have a stroller

- the changing table is in there

-restroom is empty

-other stalls are disgusting

[Kiara.I]

When there is a huge line and everyone is moving through stalls in whatever order they come free, you bet your boots I'm going to use the accessible stall if it's the one that comes open.

If it's the only stall open and there's no line, I'll use it.

If I go in with children, I'll use it most times.

 

Otherwise if there are other stalls to choose from, I'll use them instead.

[beaners]

I'm a mom of a kid in a wheelchair--I definitely need the larger space to change her. But I've also used the handicapped stalls just because I had small children. If it fulfills a real need, use it. If you just like the larger space but don't have a real need for its features, try to leave it for those who do need it.

Yes, I only wish that there were better changing spaces for parents with kids who are past the changing table size! We can transfer one of my kids to and from the toilet in the larger stall (and I appreciate the handicapped stalls immensely after navigating part of the world where there is NO accessibility for wheelchairs) but my other son needs a larger changing space. I wish there was an alternative to laying him on the floor, the counter, or changing him in his seat.

 

I don't mind needing to wait our turn to use the larger stall.

[IsabelC]

If there's a kids/family bathroom, you should use that. But if the only alternative is stalls that are too small to fit you and any kids who are too little to go alone, then the handicapped stall is fair game.

[Mommy22alyns]

Sometimes they have a safety seat in the biggest stall for very young children. I think it is ok as long as one is mindful that someone else may need that stall soon. I have taken my kiddo in there with me before and also used that stall when I was pregnant and the other stalls were cramped.

 

 

Oh my gosh, what is WITH that?  Some of those regular stalls are so cramped I practically have to stand on the toilet to shut the door - and I'm fairly slender!

[mommymilkies]

I have never been in a public bathroom and ever seen a handicapped person waiting to use that stall. 

 

If for some reason I was waiting and a handicapped person was waiting behind me, I'd offer the handicapped one to them, of course.

 

But I'm not going to just not use it ever.

This.  I only use the handicapped stalls if there are no other choices-clogs, only available, with a bunch of kids or a baby, etc.  And I'm prone to really horrible UTIs and simply can not wait long sometimes.  A lot of places put the baby changing table in the handicapped stalls, too.  They're not just for people in wheelchairs, though it's common courtesy to choose the stall you need and think of others.  

[Peaceful Isle]

I used to use the handicapped stall with my kiddos all the time...l till my dh got multiple sclerosis, and was in a wheelchair.

That was the only stall he could use that would fit his wheelchair. He had just enough strength to get up, go to the bathroom, and plop back down in his wheelchair.

 

That being said, I don't feel there is anything "wrong" with you using the handicapped stall with your kiddos, if no one else is in line for it. I still do it sometimes as well. Just having a disabled dh at that time, made me think twice about it, that's all.

 

People gripe about all sorts of things. I wouldn't take it to heart. :)

[SKL]

Depends on the circumstances.  If there is a handicapped person waiting, or the place I'm in is likely to have a lot of handicapped people in it (example, a doctor's office), I would not use it unless I had a dire emergency.  If it was just a regular place like a store, I would use it if I had a reason not to use the other stalls (kids needing help / small stall, all other stalls full [or filthy] and no handicapped people waiting at that moment).  However, I do try to limit my time in there in case a handicapped person comes in.  If I have a "long visit" planned, I will not use the handicapped stall unless I have no choice.

 

I will note that in many places, the baby changing station is placed *in* the handicapped stall.  So obviously it's intended to be used by moms accompanied by little ones.

 

When my kids were little in a double stroller, I needed to use handicapped stalls often.  They were early potty trainers and late walkers.  And I needed to pee sometimes too.  :P  Whatcha gonna do, leave the babies out there in the stroller in a strange place?  Sit them on the floor in the stall?  Or try balancing one on each leg while you pee?

 

Nobody ever gave me any grief about it.  There were probably some people who thought I was bad, but they probably never had two non-walking tots to cart around, so who cares what they thought ....

[chocolatechip]

I think part of the issue is that, while handicapped stalls have plenty of space, standard stalls are often so tiny they're almost claustrophobia inducing! I understand how it must be frustrating for the handicapped to have to wait, but I also see why people would want to not be crammed in a stall so small you can barely stand up without touching the toilet.

 

If they would construct standard stalls a little bigger, maybe there would be less of a problem with everyone wanting to use the handicapped one.

 

Hey, maybe they should just put fewer stalls but make then all handicapped. I don't know, just random thoughts.

[Word Nerd]

I consider handicapped stalls as fair game to use just like any other stall. I don't seek them out or avoid them. I don't really think about it, especially when there's a line and you just take whatever stall is open next. If a person in a wheelchair came in behind me, I'd make a point of using a different stall, but that's never happened so far.

[bethben]

I have a child in a wheelchair and we need the handicapped stall as it is the only stall available that works for us.  If someone is in it, I really don't mind.  I just wait and don't give anyone a stink eye.  Sometimes in life, you just have to wait like everyone else.  Now, if someone is in a handicapped parking space and they don't have the little tab, I will give the stink eye because that is a way bigger deal.

 

 

[Elisabet1]

You did nothing wrong. Parking is different because it is up close. Disabled or not, the potty is in the same place and uses the same amount of time. It was never meant to sit empty until a disabled person shows.

[FO4UR]

I avoid using it when possible.

 

That said, if I'm taking my 2yo with me we use the handicap stall. When my Big Three kiddos were itty-bitty, the handicap stall was a life-saver...literally...one in the ergo, one in the stroller, and one on the potty... :svengo:

[Annie Anne]

I do it all the time if the other stalls are full.  I don't think anyone should be prohibited from using it, but it's there if someone should need it.

 

I ask if the complainer wants to see my handicapped license plate registration card. (I actually have one, though I never show it.)

 

Handicapped means access to facilities, not first place in line for them.

[Tsuga]

I tell my kids not to use it unless they have to because you never know if a disabled person will come in and need it, as it might take them longer to get ready.

 

But if the place is empty and I had small kids, I'd use it. I feel less guilty about that after reading this thread!

[Joanne]

That's part of the reason it's not cool to comment on stuff like that. My MIL is the same way. She has a handicap which is not obvious. When I take her places, you should see the dirty looks people give when we get out of the car from our handicap spot. It looks like two able bodied women just hopping out of the car. They have no idea how hard it is for her to walk safely across the whole parking lot.

 

I experience that with my dd a lot.

[maize]

I'm used to seeing handicapped stalls with baby changing tables in them. I figure they're there for whoever needs a little extra room, handicapped included.