SJ. Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 I recently found out my brother is in danger of receiving an eviction notice for not paying rent for Nov and Dec. Â He owes $900 sometime soon (he wasn't clear on the exact date) or they will receive an eviction notice. Â Â We have some money in savings and I told him that we could help them but probably not with the entire amount. Â He said that he and his wife were trying to get some money together. Â The problem is that his wife spends money like they are wealthy but they aren't paying their bills. Â She babysits but doesn't make any money doing it because she is constantly spending the money she makes on the children she watches. Â She takes them out to eat, buys them clothes, shoes, and toys, and pays for birthday parties at venues like Chuck E. Cheese. Â She also buys expensive clothing and shoes for herself and her children then lies to my brother about where these things came from. Â Â Just last month she bought a little girl two full outfits and boots and another girl an expensive party dress. Â A couple days ago she announced that they would be providing Christmas gifts to a family of five. Why would you do these things if your family is in danger of being evicted? Â (Before you get the wrong idea and think that my SIL is a kind, loving, generous person I assure that is not the case. Â She likes the appearance that they have more money than they do. Â She is awful, I can't believe anyone allows their children to be in her care.) Â So far my brother has not told me how much money they have to pay toward their rent, the exact date it is due, nor have they looked into any assistance programs that might provide them emergency help. Â To be honest I feel like I am more worried about this situation than they are and I live across the country! Â (I know so much about SIL because my mother is their neighbor and she is baffled by the spending habits.) Â This may be because my SIL is counting on her elderly uncle to ask them to live with him if they get evicted and this is something that she wants. Â She is convinced that he is rich and will leave them his house and money despite the fact that he has children and grand children that he is close to. Â I do not have good feelings about this situation. Â The money we have saved is our emergency money. Â I don't want SIL to feel like they can just depend on us if they get into financial trouble. Â How do I not feel taken advantage of if I loan/give them this money and SIL continues to spend money on everything but their bills? Â How do I emotionally remove myself from the situation and not care what they are spending their money on? Â What if the same thing happens again? Â Ugh. Â I also feel guilty for even thinking these things and not being able to freely give my brother the full amount without any judgment on their spending habits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 If you can not give them the money as a gift without strings attached then don't give them any money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherGoose Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Don't do it. No way. They need a wakeup call, and maybe this will be it. Sounds like they won't be homeless, regardless. You will feel taken advantage of because you will BE taken advantage of. Dh and I have given people money before, but have told them it was a one-time gift, (not a loan) and because we could afford to to it. I also think that if you give (not loan) people money you have the right to comment on their spending habits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Honestly? Â They are adults. Â They need to solve this problem. Â If they haven't even looked into assistance programs or sat down and seriously talked about money, then your money will stop the hole in the dam very very temporarily. Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabet1 Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 If you help, they will never pay you back. And you will be enabling this happening again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 If all is as you say, I would regretfully decline to help my brother and suggest that they meet with a financial counselor. Prior to that meeting, he should go through every check, every charge card entry, and every bill he can get his hands on to have a better idea of their financial condition. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 If they are evicted, would they be able to stay at your mother's home? I doubt the uncle would take them in for a cyclic problem which is what it seems to be. Â Depending on the lease, it might be better to move out and have a partial payment plan with the landlord than be evicted. If past due rent go into collections, it becomes a bigger mess. Â They may not qualify for help if it is a spending issue rather than an income issue. Â Your SIL likes to spend money and earns what she spends and hopefully not more than she spends. As long as she doesn't overspend, your brother would just have to budget as if no income is coming from his wife to the household budget. Â I have an uncle who has money management issues. Auto-saving part of his income into emergency savings help since what he don't see he don't spend. Â ETA: Your mother is near to them. Maybe gift some money to your mother to get food for your brother's children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Don't do it, for all the excellent reasons previous posters have listed. They will not learn anything and you will be out $900! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pronghorn Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 If you pay for anything, pay for a financial counselor. But pay directly, so no money passes through their hands. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Don't do it. They have safe alternatives and are choosing this path. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Since you can't do it without imperiling your own financial situation, and since they don't seem to have a plan for not running into the same problem again in a few months, I don't think you should do it. If other people solve this problem for SIL in a way that keeps her comfortable, why would she do better next year? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Do not enable this situation! Think of it this way--would you use your emergency fund to buy an expensive dress for a child? Or a birthday party? If you give them rent money, you are essentially paying for that nonsense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Nope. Don't do it. If they can't keep the roof over their head, they have NO business buying other people's children clothes. Especially not when you've done what you could to save what you can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 If their eviction were due to a job loss, underemployment, medical expense, or other unexpected issue, I would say go ahead and help them out a bit. Â In this case, the SIL spending money on other families so she can look good when they can't even pay their own rent is a huge red flag. Â The fact that she's not even worried about eviction because Uncle will help them out is another red flag and shows she has no intent to change her spending habits. Â She expects family members to bail her out. Â Don't do it! Â You'll be setting a precedent and they will likely need help again. Â You're putting your own family at risk by giving away your own emergency fund. Â What happens if your furnace dies next month, your car needs major repairs, or your husband is hospitalized? Â Would you be OK without the money? Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 If you give your brother money, it must be just that - a gift. Don't give more than you can comfortably give. And know that once you give it, you no longer control it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 They need, as a couple, to work out a budget and stay within it. I would be concerned that by giving them money, you would be putting yourself between your brother and his wife, right when they need to work somethings out between them. That doesn't mean you can't help. Consider looking into assistance they may qualify for and providing them the appropriate contact information. You might also make a list of suggestions of things they can do for quick money, such as selling some things on Craigslist or eBay, taking on seasonal employment, offering their services cleaning houses or doing other manual labor pick-up jobs, etc. $900 is a lot, but it's not insurmountable, especially considering they are both employed. Â If you feel the need to offer them financial assistance, perhaps instead of cash you could arrange, with the help of someone nearby, to give them a bag or two of basic groceries (oatmeal, apples, eggs, rice, beans, onions, carrots, canned tomatoes, peanut butter, etc. would be a good start), so at least the kids don't go hungry while they scrimp to pay the rent. You could include a few recipe cards (apples & oatmeal, chili) to help them use the food effectively. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 (((hugs))) It sounds to me like your sil needs more counseling than just financial. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Never loan a family member money. If you help, give it as a gift, no strings. It doesn't sound like you are in the financial place to be giving $900 away as a gift. I would say no. They need to work this out on their own. It sounds likes your SIL may have some mental health issues with overspending and trying to give beyond her means to do so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Another vote for "Don't Do It"!!!  For all the reasons listed above, giving your brother money now is a bad idea. If they are evicted, this may be the wake-up call he needs to get his wife some help or make changes in the way they're living..  Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Another voice saying don't give them money. Been there, done that. It's only delaying the inevitable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applethyme Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Still another vote for not giving them money. Its a very short term solution to a big, long term problem. Do not put your family in financial danger for nothing. It would be for nothing because your SIL doesn't even seem to understand the problem. No sense throwing good money after bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momof3littles Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 We have BTDT with several family members, and IME, they will be in the same or a similar situation in a very short time. I would make sure they have food (drop off groceries vs. giving them $$) and a roof over their heads. I have helped compile resources (Medicaid, food stamps, whatever) to make it easier for them to obtain help.  What has happened IME is that generally the cycle just repeats and repeats, and you will just become increasingly resentful,and from what you describe, you may adversely impact your own family's financial health. Not good.  I could not allow my family members to go homeless or be in an unsafe situation. I would do whatever I could swing to make that not happen. But if they have somewhere to go, the best you can do IMO is drop off food, holiday gifts for the kids, that type of thing. Or pay for a financial planning appt if you could swing something like that down the road. And they'd have to be in a situation where they aren't in crisis mode to get much out of that I think. We've offered to pay for an attorney to help my niece navigate an issue with an ex, child support, and her finances, because I thought overall there would be more impact for the $$ spent vs giving her the money directly. Sending her $$ would mean just a repeat of the same situation again down the road. So we focus on things like compiling resources, offering to help with a budget (for my niece who is receptive; I have another family member who would freak out if we offered something like that), groceries/necessities, an occasional car repair to help them keep working.  I'm sorry; it is so, so difficult. We've dealt with variations on this for years, and it is incredibly difficult because in our case, there seems to be no sustainable, long term solution. It just goes in waves of how bad things get. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 I have not read other responses, but I would absolutely not send them my emergency funds. I have a sibling that has gotten himself into trouble a number of times. He never seemed to improve until no one was running to his rescue anymore. If these people were working to make changes, it might be different. Although, giving them your emergency funds leaves you vulnerable. I don't think that is wise either unless you have are able to maintain quite a bit in savings. But otherwise it's only prolonging the inevitable.  I like the above response by maybe giving them a gift card to a grocery store for Christmas or something. I would not drain my emergency fund into a black hole. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamabear2three Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 My brother and SIL are living with relatives after losing their house - they've been doing so for 4 years now and just in the last year they moved in with a different relative so their oldest child can go to a better school district when he starts K. They are supposed to be paying down their debt so they can get their own place (and also think that their problems started because they chose to buy instead of rent in the first place). But they haven't changed their spending habits either.  In the same 4 years, we stayed current on all our bills and paid off over 20K in credit card debt. This is because we changed our spending habits. My wake up call was the realization that if we didn't change how we lived, I would have to put my kids in the care of someone else and go to work.  In my opinion, free rides only help those people who have already shown a change in habit towards spending. Now that we are so used to being careful with our money, our financial outlook is so different. But if I had just been handed that without having to learn how to change first? Wouldn't have happened.  I also find it odd that your brother won't give you any specifics - dates, specific amounts he can put towards it, etc. Anyway, I wouldn't give them the money, especially not if it was your only emergency money. What if you pay them and then you need to replace your roof? (we just had to fix a large portion of our roof, so that's the emergency repair that's fresh on my mind) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 It's not often the Hive is unanimous. Â I think everyone is right; if you give money to your brother, you'll only be enabling the underlying issue. I find it odd that your brother doesn't seem to have a clear understanding of his family's imperiled financial situation. Or maybe he's dissembling to you. Regardless, your family's well-being is more important than your brother's situation (as harsh as that may seem). Â If you feel the need to help them, perhaps gas or grocery cards or wrapped presents for their kids might be the best way to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 I haven't read the replies yet. do NOT give them money - it won't help them as the spending will continue as is, it will just push their brick wall of a reality-check down the road, and it will put you into a bad situation should you need some emergency funds.   eta: do NOT feel guilty at refusing to bail them out. irresponsible people count on responsible people feeling bad for not helping - to help them. it's a form of manipulation. bailing them out when they will make no changes in their spending is NOT helping them. it would be allowing them to dig an even deeper hole. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SebastianCat Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Unless you can gift them the money outright, don't ever lend money to family or friends. Â I agree with the others who, in this case, say that giving your brother & SIL money will only prolong the inevitable. Â Until they get some serious financial counseling, a budget, and change their habits, nothing will ever change. Â Â Change IS possible - but it must be initiated by THEM, not you. Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 I know someone like this. Don't send them the money. This is a problem of their own making and is also within their control to solve. I would help if something had happened outside their ability to stop it but that's not the case here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 :iagree: Â with everyone above. Â ETA: If you give or loan them the money, in effect they will be dragging you down with them and then both your families will be in the same bad place. You have a generous heart; I think this is the time for some tough love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Marmalade Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 You didn't mention if there are any children involved. Â That would affect my answer. Â It sounds like they don't have any children of their own- just the ones SIL babysits. Â With no children, absolutely I would not help them out in the financial way, but I would consider a gift card to a grocery store or gas card or something just because I would want to help in some way, but wouldn't think it wise to dip into my security savings to help them with something that was totally preventable. Â If there are children in the home... that would make me think twice about it. Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 I haven't read the replies yet. do NOT give them money - it won't help them as the spending will continue as is, it will just push their brick wall of a reality-check down the road, and it will put you into a bad situation should you need some emergency funds.   eta: do NOT feel guilty at refusing to bail them out. irresponsible people count on responsible people feeling bad for not helping - to help them. it's a form of manipulation. bailing them out when they will make no changes in their spending is NOT helping them. it would be allowing them to dig an even deeper hole.  think of it like giving an alcoholic - a case of vodka.  Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Do nothing! Â If you really feel you have to do something then be brutally honest with your brother about why you don't feel like you or anyone should be helping them out of this mess but a financial advisor. Â If it were my brother, I would even go as far as telling him it is disgusting that he would mooch off of other people either by moving in with them or asking for money because him and his wife can't control their spending. Â But I am not the type of person to beat around the bush. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MistyMountain Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 In the situation you described there is no way I would bust into your families emergency fund to help them. Do not do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 I don't mind helping people out, but this doesn't sound like you'd be helping them. You'd be putting a very temporary bandaid on the problem. So you pay the two months rent, then what? They don't pay it for another two months and get evicted anyway? Nah...I wouldn't do that.   Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 If you can not give them the money as a gift without strings attached then don't give them any money. Exactly. You can assume that the money will never be returned and you will never be thanked for it.  Give it only if you can give it as a gift, from your excess. I would not deplete your emergency account for this. Your brother needs to grow some cajones and solve this problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 I have a family member (married with kids) who was helped out financially by his parents throughout his adult life. They provided a place to live, paid medical bills, did free babysitting, etc, etc. etc. It caused great strain between the parents and the siblings who weren't freeloading. The parents are gone now and he's never learned to stand on his own feet.  Needless to say I wouldn't dig into an emergency fund to pay back rent. They won't learn if you do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Again, NO NO NO. Like someone else mentioned, if this was a crisis situation it might be different but this is their way of life, esp. SIL.  IF you decide to help at all, make it to a financial counselor that you pay directly or something like that. Just paying the past rent won't really change anything. What does brother say about this? Does he make enough on his own to pay the basic bills? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 I agree with all of the others - just say no! They are adults. You worked for your emergency fund; they not only don't have an emergency fund, but are blowing through their money for necessities (like rent.) Enabling it just prolongs the inevitable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 I do not have good feelings about this situation. The money we have saved is our emergency money. I don't want SIL to feel like they can just depend on us if they get into financial trouble. How do I not feel taken advantage of if I loan/give them this money and SIL continues to spend money on everything but their bills? How do I emotionally remove myself from the situation and not care what they are spending their money on? What if the same thing happens again? Ugh. Â I also feel guilty for even thinking these things and not being able to freely give my brother the full amount without any judgment on their spending hab Take this advice: do not give them the money. Say you don't have enough to help and/or the money you have saved is to protect your family, not your brother's. Â I am a landlord. I have seen what happens when the family member "helps." Â P.s. i had to turn down a family member in a similar situation. It was certainly not a comfortable moment, but I have not had any repeat requests. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LLMom Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 I agree with not helping them. People have to take responsibility at some point and if people are always bailing them out, they won't. It might be a different situation if one had just lost a job or there was a serious accident or something, but they are just not spending wisely from your description. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 It's not often the Hive is unanimous. Â For real. I'm not recalling an instance where it EVER happened! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 The hive is never unanamous! Â You are not alone... Here's my own personal "BIL Evicted" thread from October. Â http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/531742-bil-homeless/?fromsearch=1 Â My recommendation is that you get prepared to help, but wait until their backsides hit asphalt before you contribute. It sends a clear message of when you consider it an emergency, and that they can't expect 'help' with every call about what is 'about to happen' all the time. If it happens, if it doesn't, don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ocelotmom Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 If the brother is overall a reasonably responsible person who is stuck in an exploitative relationship, I'd be willing to offer what help I could with getting out of it, if that is what he wants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Your sil has a problem: Â http://debtorsanonymous.org/ Â And your brother does, too, in enabling. Â http://coda.org/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 The two of them have a very careful dance, they are probably not as worried as you are, as you suspect. They have had long experience of someone coming to their rescue. There is no way that they will feel the slightest obligation to spend any money you send on rent. I know too many people like this. They will only grow up when they realize they have a problem, and maybe they will never realize they have a problem. I know someone who felt her wealthy aunt would bail her our forever, even though her aunt had never helped her at all. She believed that when she hit the bottom her aunt would rescue her. Even when she lived in a bus converted into a RV for hunting she felt like her aunt was going to come rescue her at every turn. When someone's thinking is that delusional, there is no hope for them without major intervention. This person eventually turned their life over to people better able to manage it. She takes lots of medication and other people manage her home and her money, and her children are so ruined they are scary. Your SIL sounds a lot like her from what you wrote. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 I've been in these situations more than once. Don't loan/give the money if you can't afford to do so comfortably. You won't get it back and it won't fix the long-term issue of poor money management. I recently found out my brother is in danger of receiving an eviction notice for not paying rent for Nov and Dec.  He owes $900 sometime soon (he wasn't clear on the exact date) or they will receive an eviction notice.   We have some money in savings and I told him that we could help them but probably not with the entire amount.  He said that he and his wife were trying to get some money together.  The problem is that his wife spends money like they are wealthy but they aren't paying their bills.  She babysits but doesn't make any money doing it because she is constantly spending the money she makes on the children she watches.  She takes them out to eat, buys them clothes, shoes, and toys, and pays for birthday parties at venues like Chuck E. Cheese.  She also buys expensive clothing and shoes for herself and her children then lies to my brother about where these things came from.   Just last month she bought a little girl two full outfits and boots and another girl an expensive party dress.  A couple days ago she announced that they would be providing Christmas gifts to a family of five. Why would you do these things if your family is in danger of being evicted?  (Before you get the wrong idea and think that my SIL is a kind, loving, generous person I assure that is not the case.  She likes the appearance that they have more money than they do.  She is awful, I can't believe anyone allows their children to be in her care.)  So far my brother has not told me how much money they have to pay toward their rent, the exact date it is due, nor have they looked into any assistance programs that might provide them emergency help.  To be honest I feel like I am more worried about this situation than they are and I live across the country!  (I know so much about SIL because my mother is their neighbor and she is baffled by the spending habits.)  This may be because my SIL is counting on her elderly uncle to ask them to live with him if they get evicted and this is something that she wants.  She is convinced that he is rich and will leave them his house and money despite the fact that he has children and grand children that he is close to.  I do not have good feelings about this situation.  The money we have saved is our emergency money.  I don't want SIL to feel like they can just depend on us if they get into financial trouble.  How do I not feel taken advantage of if I loan/give them this money and SIL continues to spend money on everything but their bills?  How do I emotionally remove myself from the situation and not care what they are spending their money on?  What if the same thing happens again?  Ugh.  I also feel guilty for even thinking these things and not being able to freely give my brother the full amount without any judgment on their spending habits.  Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Yet another vote for DON'T DO IT!!! Â My advice would be the same even if you were very wealthy, but if you give them your emergency fund, what will you do if you have an emergency? Â Also, if you give them the money, be fully prepared to see lavish gifts under their Christmas tree when you visit them over the holidays. How will you feel when you find out they bought each other lovely gifts while you were paying their rent? Because I can practically guarantee you that it's exactly what will happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 For real. I'm not recalling an instance where it EVER happened! Â I can - people were freaking out! Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Personally, if this was the first time I was being hit up, I'd give them some money as a Christmas present (making it clear this is a one-time thing). If it was a recurring theme, I'd say "I hope you work it out, good luck."  I hate to be cold, but I have relatives like this and they never change. I have been enabling one relative and she's slowly bleeding me dry. I should have said "no" a long time ago. It's a lot harder to stop once there is a pattern. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 I suggest that you do NOT give them any money. Possibly pay one months rent for them,  a Christmas gift, but do not send any money directly to your brother or his wife. Send it directly to their Landlord to pay part of what they owe, if you want to do that. His wife sounds like she has an addiction problem. There are people with addiction to alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc. Her addiction is to spending and it sounds like her priorities for her spending are not good. Never loan $ to friends or family. If you can give it to them without hurting your own family, fine, but if you loan it to them you will probably never be repaid and you will ruin any relationship you have with them. GL to them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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