Only me Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I know you are all probably tired about hearing about my problems and others have it much worse than I do but I'm really struggling. My IRL friends are working today as well as my dh and my kids are struggling too. I seemed to be so much stronger when I was actually caring for my mom even though it was really rough. I even did "ok" the first few days after her death. Now I feel like I'm falling apart. I'm having heart palpitations and anxiety attacks. The funeral is tomorrow and I'm going over to my dads to help him pick out a few pictures etc that he wants to display as well as some of her handiwork. I know it's crazy but so afraid I'm going to forget something. We have a 100% chance of rain tomorrow so I'm worried about the funeral especially the cemetery part. I'm worried most if all that I'm going to fall apart tomorrow. I'm trying to stay strong and I'm amazed by other people on here who have had recent losses worse than mine and seem to be so strong. I want to be strong for my family but I miss my mom so much and I also just can't get rid of some images from her last night. Right now I feel like I can barely put one foot in front of the other but of course life goes on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Is there ANYONE local that you can call, maybe go eat lunch with, do something to get you out of the house and looking further down the road? I know this is incredibly hard. And sometimes it really does seem like you are falling apart. You are trying to grieve and take care of everyone at the same time. It isn't easy. Try to balance the chemicals in your body. Do some exercises. Take a walk. Read a favorite book. Make sure you are eating healthy foods. So, so sorry you are dealing with this alone right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 (((Hugs))) I don't have words of wisdom. And there is very little real comfort in the things we're "supposed" to say to those who are grieving. Please know this though, there is no right way to grieve. Some of us who seem strong during crisis are really just hyper-focusing on the needs of those around us to avoid dealing with our feelings until we can process them privately. It doesn't make us one whit better than those who openly or immediately begin to process. (((Hugs))) Try to be as gentle with yourself during this time as are being with your loved ones. Your grieving process is no less important than theirs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meena Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 :grouphug: I don't have many words. But having read your other posts about how you took care of your mom and how concerned you have been for your family (especially your dd), I think you have shown an incredible amount of strength. I think it's okay to allow yourself to fall apart and grieve now. I hope and pray that you find that in your weakness (which I think probably isn't nearly as weak as you think), there are IRL people who are behind you and many not-so-IRL here for you as well. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shukriyya Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Strong has many different manifestations. I found the early days after my mom passed to be sacred and painful and full of light and sorrow. Emotions were magnified which gave rise to different dimensions of perception and realization, different ideas about self. Locating yourself within that landscape is important because it's not familiar terrain but if you're able to find your footing the journey can be fruitful and not something to be rushed through. Your breath and your body surround the palace of your emotions so give yourself the gift of slow, deep attention to breathing and gentleness for your senses (a hot bath with essential oils, music, nature, favorite foods) during your time of grieving. Your children are old enough to understand your needing different things right now. And there is no right way to do it there is only the way that feels meaningful for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Many hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Don't worry about getting everything just right for the funeral, it is a chance for you and your friends and family to say goodbye. We've had funerals in the rain, in the snow and on beautiful days. None of that was really important. Grieving with those who come is what is important. If you fall apart, so what? No one will think less of you. Take things one step at a time and you will get through it. You will always miss your mom, but it will get easier. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin M Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Let yourself fall apart today - grieve and cry. Call your hubby to come home or a friend and have them come over. You need to let it out. Having recently lost my mom in November, I know what you are going through. Hopefully in time, the images from her last day will pass and all you will remember is her happy face. Giving way to tears actually makes you feel stronger. If you hold it all in, things will just pile up and cause more stress. Let it out today and you can be strong tomorrow for the funeral. Although people won't expect you to be strong. Accept the helping hands, shoulders. Anyone who has lost a mom knows it is hard. Cry with your dad. I did, lots of times and then there were times I just let him cry and was the strong shoulder. I was pretty much in a fog for the few couple months after my mom died, so take it easy on yourself. Write a list of things to do, make sure your dad or you have the pictures and mementos in the car, ready to go and if something gets missed, let it go. You can only be so strong, let your kids help you and in turn, help your kids. Lean on them for a bit. They just may surprise you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooCow Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrn Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 :grouphug: I was I could send you some strength to shore you up. But I'm sure, there are loved ones closer that would happily lend you theirs. Look for it. Accept it. This is the time to lean on others. I am so, so sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildcat Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne115 Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I am so very sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is so difficult. I Give yourself time to grieve. It's okay if you fall apart. There is no right or wrong way to deal with such a profound loss. Suzanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 :grouphug: It's ok to lose it. Sometimes it's the best thing you can do for a grieving heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kfamily Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I just lost my grandmother this past month and the pain is still very fresh. I know this doesn't compare the same way, but I was very close to her. It is so hard and really all you can do is be there and be in that moment. Don't worry about what others may expect or what they need you to be. They can be there for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: So sorry for your loss. You have been so strong. It is understandable that you feel like you are falling apart. What you are going through is so hard...words can't express just how hard. You are strong and you will make it through somehow. Don't be surprised if after all the adrenaline inducing decisions and events that you crash. Don't be surprised if people don't check in on you...somehow our culture thinks once the funeral is done that everyone is fine and done grieving. Don't be afraid to express your needs or sorrow. Also, might your local hospital have a grief support group? It might be helpful. This IS hard and you are strong. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: eta: not tired of hearing about it...we all have struggles and pains...we all need to share Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMV Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 :grouphug: I'm sorry about the loss of your mom. Be gentle with yourself and do what you can. Feel free to ask others for help. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I am sorry. So sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denise in Florida Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: So sorry When friends, neighbors, church members ask what they can do. Tell them. Keep a list as you think of things. People are willing to help, even if it is picking up groceries or driving a child to an activity or meeting someone at the airport for you. Keep a small list of what you need and when they offer taking them up on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I'm very sorry you're feeling sad. It's normal but still so very hard. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckymama Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 :grouphug: I'm so sorry. It's awful. I've done it twice. And I still "see" my parents as they were at the end (I was the one to find my dad). :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corbster98 Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I am sorry about the death of your Mom.Grief is a hard emotion and there is no right way to get through it. My Dad died 13 months ago and somedays the pain is still so raw that I physically ache for his presence. I empathize as I lost my Dad a year ago to ALS... we moved back to NC to be close to home and help my Mom take care of my Dad, which became a 24 hour job. We were with him on the day that he took his last breath and God called him home. It was so peaceful and beautiful yet so bittersweet at the same time. We were all so exhausted from not only taking turns caring for all of his physical needs, but emotionally as well as we just had to watch him deteriorate and know that there was nothing that could be done :( In the end... as much as I selfishly wanted to not lose my Dad, I was so thankful to see him no longer suffer. Of course, then I felt guilty for feeling that way. It was a hard emotional cycle for me. I began my grief process 2 years prior to his death when I learned of his ALS. I am not sure how long your Mom was sick or what the circumstances were... but from my own experience, I have learned that the closer you were ( I was a Daddy's girl) the more the pain of losing them is. However, on the other side of that, I am so thankful that I was able to be here to help care for his needs, support both of my parents emotionally and physically and make memories before he left us. The days after his funeral were so hard and the viewing and funeral were both so beautiful and painful, yet much of it felt like a dream to me. The months following his death were hard but I just gave myself permission to have days and moments to cry and grieve. I would hug my sons and they would notice when Mom needed a hug. We would cry together but we also would share memories and giggles/smiles thinking about Grandpa. Watching my children learn to grieve in a productive, healthy way was important for me so I was willing to be vulnerable and have them see that sadness/ tears did NOT equate to being weak. It just meant that we loved deeply and our loss we have experienced is a painful one. I am sending you my prayers and thoughts. You are stronger than you think. One day at a time.. HUGS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 (((Hugs))) I am sorry! You're in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama mills Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 :grouphug: I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I am so sorry for your loss. Please don't feel bad about asking for support or compare the way you are dealing with grief to the way others do. You have big, big feelings right now and it's completely normal to feel the way a two year old does when all s/he can do is rage and scream and shake his/her fist at the sky or collapse into a puddle of tears. My parents are both still alive, so I have no clue what you are actually going through, but I do care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oneddmanybooks Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I am so sorry for your loss. I am praying for you. Hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melbotoast Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I know you are all probably tired about hearing about my problems and others have it much worse than I do but I'm really struggling. My IRL friends are working today as well as my dh and my kids are struggling too. I seemed to be so much stronger when I was actually caring for my mom even though it was really rough. I even did "ok" the first few days after her death. Now I feel like I'm falling apart. I'm having heart palpitations and anxiety attacks. The funeral is tomorrow and I'm going over to my dads to help him pick out a few pictures etc that he wants to display as well as some of her handiwork. I know it's crazy but so afraid I'm going to forget something. We have a 100% chance of rain tomorrow so I'm worried about the funeral especially the cemetery part. I'm worried most if all that I'm going to fall apart tomorrow. I'm trying to stay strong and I'm amazed by other people on here who have had recent losses worse than mine and seem to be so strong. I want to be strong for my family but I miss my mom so much and I also just can't get rid of some images from her last night. Right now I feel like I can barely put one foot in front of the other but of course life goes on. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Many hugs from me to you. I have lost both of my parents. It's inexpressibly difficult. Just remember, there is no wrong way for you to feel or function now. You are grieving and if you fall apart, so what? Your children will see the depth of love you had for her. It's ok for them to see that. They will watch you grieve over time and learn how that works too. It will take a long time, but you will emerge from these feelings and return to life again. Much love to you at this time, hockeybaseballmom. I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 ((hugs)), we are not sick of hearing about your problems at all. ((Hugs)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 It's okay to grieve! It's okay to fall apart!!! You just lost your mom. I lost my mom a few years ago and it's HARD. Give yourself time, and grace, and take good care of yourself. It's okay to cry or to want to curl up in your bed and be left alone, or to want to talk to people. It's all okay. {{{Hugs}}} Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 ((((hugs)))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evergreen State Sue Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 :grouphug: and praying for you and your family that the service will bless you and you will have wonderful memories to cling to of your mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilaclady Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeindeed Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 ((hugs)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 (((Hockeybaseballmom))) Go ahead and fall apart. It's allowed. There will be someone to hold you through it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Today would be a good day to tell your hubby how you want him to react and what you want him to tell the kids about how you want them to react, for when you make the time to fall apart. Doing that might make you feel a bit safer. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Please allow yourself to grieve for your mom. You don't have to hold it together for your family, you did that already during her last few days. It's okay if your kids see you cry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isabella Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Hugs. :grouphug: :grouphug: You poor thing. You've held it together for so long. The emotions, mind and heart can only take so much. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Sending many hugs... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Thinking of you... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Only me Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 Made it through the service. I think my mom would have enjoyed it. Many tears but many great memories with family today. Thanks again for all the support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Made it through the service. I think my mom would have enjoyed it. Many tears but many great memories with family today. Thanks again for all the support. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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