Is Mother's day for YOU or is it for your mother, MIL, grandmother,etc?

[Ottakee]

Just wondering who gets the focus on Mother's Day?  Dh is the only surviving child of MIL and she is a widow.  My mother is also a widow but has 3 kids locally.  It always seems like Mother's Day is juggling the 2 mothers and lunch, etc.  Dh and I have no living grandparents.

[freeindeed]

It's typically all about my MIL.

[AimeeM]

All of the above?

[Ellie]

All of the above?

 

:iagree:

 

....although I'm sure it can be tricky trying to work that out, lol.

[Pawz4me]

MIL is the only parent/grandparent any of us have left, so it's mostly about her, although we've never made a big deal at all about the day.  Which is fine by me.  To my way of thinking mother's day is just another way-too-commercialized "holiday."  Ick.

[Julie Smith]

My Mother gets a phone call from me. She lives far enough away that we don't see each other on weekdays.

 

My MIL pasted away 9 years ago. 

 

So that leaves Mother's day all for, ... my husband. He has always gotten terrible allergies around that time of year and every Mother's day was spent with him getting pampered since he was feeling unwell. So we switched them around. I get Mother's day on June 15th when he is over his allergies. 

 

The good plus with this is on my Mother's day restaurants are quiet. :) 

[Amira]

Mother's Day is about my oldest ds this year since it's his birthday. I don't care about MD myself, so we never celebrate it for me. I send my mother an email and dh calls his mother (and his grandmother, but she died last fall). That's about it. I don't think we did anything special the few times we lived near our mothers on MD. I think my MIL would have liked it if we had, but she'd never say anything about it. My mother doesn't care much about the holiday and never has.

[emzhengjiu]

I'm a single mom of two wonderful teen girls.  We don't do much for Mother's Day because I'm too cheap or maybe a nicer word, frugal.  We usually have a homemade dinner and play games.  Works for me.  I find myself getting annoyed with these kinds of holidays.

 

ETA:  I wish mother's day was more about true appreciation expressed to a parent or in-law rather than an artificial holiday where gifts are often expected. 

[Hoot]

Both of us... and neither of us at the same time. MIL and I both always get a gift or flowers and if she visits we'll go to lunch (even if she doesn't visit DH, DS, and I go to lunch at a place of my choosing). I know some moms who require a sort of queen for a day type treatment but we don't get into that. A flower or gift and lunch is the extent of it. It's not really a big deal to either of us.

 

I do call my grandmother but that's it. I'm not close with my step mom and my biological mom died when I was young.

[Danestress]

I am the same - DH is an only child, my mom has 3 kids but I am the one in town. MD is a day I usually have our mothers over. I hate crowded restaurants, so this is partly my choice, but I do end up cooking and cleaning. I don't really mind. I love being a Mom and don't feel like I need a lot of special MD attention. I usually get a couple of gifts and cards and I like that. We see a lot of MIL and Mom all year, but I do think widows get some extra love that day. I get to go to bed that night with my husband and in a house that has children still in it. They are alone and their best years are behind them, and I just think they deserve a bit of flattery and love. I will probably come here that night though, and vent about how I spent the day cooking and cleaning!

[Luckymama]

It's about me :D I get to do what I want (planting my tomatoes is a tradition) and dh/the kids cook. Sometimes my sister comes over for dinner, with both husbands cooking :)

 

When my mom was alive we'd all either have brunch together or dinner together.

 

For the first few years after the kids were born, we'd have brunch with my parents and then dinner with dh's parents. I put my foot down when dd19 was two-ish. I was not getting a break at all on Mother's Day (dh was working 70 hours a week then).

 

Now we send dmil flowers or a fruit bouquet (she loves those!) and call her on Mother's Day.

[Butter]

All of 'em.  My MIL (a widow) lives about 5000 miles away across an ocean and Ireland's Mothering Day is in March anyway.  So we wish her a happy Mother's Day on Skype both on Mothering Day and Mother's Day.  We lived with my parents the previous 4 Mother's Days and will again starting next year.  It's actually an accident that I'll be with my mom on Mother's Day this year (didn't realize it until I had booked my tickets to go help her with the houses).  Mother's Day isn't really a huge special day for us.  Jamie, Daddy, and the kids usually work together to make breakfast for me and my mom and clean the house.  And we all go to church of course.

[Desert Strawberry]

Me.

 

When I became a mom, we were far from family. It was just me, D and baby Sagg. 

 

We moved here. MIL, GMIL, GGMIL had a tradition of going out to lunch all together. I was not invited. I still have the day all to myself.

 

[Farrar]

None of the above?

 

I don't love this holiday for a variety of reasons.  Mostly because I don't like relegating honoring mothers to a single day (or fathers for that matter).  That said, my mother would be hurt if I didn't call and say some nice words.

[QueenCat]

We've never lived near our mothers, so we send gifts ahead of time and call on Mother's Day. When the kids were younger, dh would help them buy/make gifts/cards, and make me a special dessert. Now, they usually think to buy me a card/gift together, and we go out to eat sometime that week (but never on that day) at my choice of a restaurant. On the actual day, we go to church, and then dh usually grills lunch. Low key.

[Momling]

No one... I always figured it was a hallmark kind of holiday. My mom never expected any fuss to be made, so I never grew up with the expectation of something special happening on Mother's Day. Plus, as a lesbian couple, who was going to organize the kids into celebrating their mothers? Or was one of us supposed to take Father's Day? None of it makes sense to me. I feel plenty appreciated and don't need a special day.

[J-rap]

When all of our children were young, it was fun to just stay home and have a relaxing day... breakfast in bed or a picnic or something like that.  As I get older, it just feels kind of weird to me now!  I mean, my children are really sweet and thoughtful all year long.  It feels too commercialized now and I don't like the gift emphasis.  On the other hand, if my kids are around, we'll still do something together.  However, it's most meaningful to my own mother who is 86.  I'll usually make the 3-hour drive to spend part of the day with her.  It means a lot to her.  My MIL has 7 children and Mother's Day was never a big deal for them.

[Garga]

Mother's day!? Egads, I totally didn't realize it's next week. ARGH. I thought I had a free day next Sunday, but I guess not. We always go out for an afternoon lunch with MIL. We try to go after the lunch rush and before the dinner rush.

 

My mother lives too far away to see in person so we just send her a gift.

 

Before we had kids I thought it was a dumb holiday. Once I had my first born and he was colicky and my life turned upside down (in good and bad ways--you know how life changing it can be to have a baby), I thought it was an awesome holiday. I had no idea how much work it was being a mother! I enjoyed having a day set aside that said, "Being a mom is hard work! Here's a present!"

 

Now that the kids are older and easier, I feel ambivalent about it. It's not hard work anymore, but I do like getting my meal out in the afternoon.

[AimeeM]

 

 

ETA:  I wish mother's day was more about true appreciation expressed to a parent or in-law rather than an artificial holiday where gifts are often expected. 

 

Respectfully, it can be both (a day when true appreciation is expressed AND a day for a gift).

[AimeeM]

:iagree:

 

....although I'm sure it can be tricky trying to work that out, lol.

 

Not super tricky for us, although I imagine it can be for others. My mother lives several hours away, so I send her goodies and make sure to call; my MIL passed when my husband was still a small boy, so we honor her memory and he always enjoys telling the children about her (he also tends to feel a bit sad on Mother's Day, so we ALL try to be conscious of that), and DH usually makes me a favorite dinner, and helps the children get me a gift and a card.

[gardenmom5]

when I was much younger, my grandmother loved having it focused on her.  then it was shared with my mother (deceased) and I and my birthday . . .

 

now, I would love to have it seperate from my birthday.  and my son who has also had the joy of having his birthday next to mother's day. (it ping pongs between us.)   the only year we were supposed to celebrate mother's day for mil was the year my sil decided we'd celebrate mother's day on saturday (it was more convienent for her) - which was my actual birthday. (and told me I could celebrate my birthday on sunday/mother's day proper.)   I ended up leaving.

 

maybe this year.  dh took me to our medival village mayfest yesterday for my birthday. they had a 'jugglar' (market square entertainer) doing magic tricks. he's very good, in character, comedic entertaining, etc.  another played a period instrument or told stories.  it was pouring rain (with scattered breaks) - we set a new record for the day (the last one of 0.73" was *only* two years old.)  1.16" in 24 hours.  I figure it was good I wrenched my injured knee walking to the maypole as it started POURING upon the participants.  (so I watched from under cover. ;p)   then we went and had the two course mayfest feast with authentic 13th and 14th century recipes.  I think I mentioned once it would be fun to do again (we did the yule feast), and dh bought the tickets.  he said he's had them "a long time".  so, he did good.  =D  

 

and my uber busy daughter booked me for next friday to do "something for my birthday".  (which maybe the only day I can get all of my kids due to schedules.)

 

 

 

[Impish]

Me.

 

We actually had really miserable Mother's Days the first few yrs we were married. Wolf has a lot of conflicting emotions about MD, being raised by MIL, being adopted, etc.

 

I finally snapped, and told him that Mother's Day could now be about me, the mother of his children.

 

And we've had great Mother's Days ever since.

[Seasider]

Mother's Day was fun when my oldest were little and we lived far from extended family. I soaked up their cheerful hugs, delighted in their hand colored cards and gladly ate the burnt breakfast toast. Then we moved near and, with the juggle of multiple mothers that my nuclear family wasn't related to, this "holiday" became stressful and actually a day of extra work for me, also a mother. It became a "festival of motherhood," which dh and I found overblown. So we decided we would not participate.

 

I suspect we are now viewed as non caring. It's sort of no-win. Whatcha gonna do?

 

Anyway, the only thing I really want on Mother's Day is to not have to work in the kitchen. I don't need a fancy lunch, I just don't want to have to do prep work and wash dishes. So the others take care of it on MD.

[Cammie]

Mother's Day is about my oldest ds this year since it's his birthday. I don't care about MD myself, so we never celebrate it for me. I send my mother an email and dh calls his mother (and his grandmother, but she died last fall). That's about it. I don't think we did anything special the few times we lived near our mothers on MD. I think my MIL would have liked it if we had, but she'd never say anything about it. My mother doesn't care much about the holiday and never has.

 

It's my son's birthday this year too!

[Chris in VA]

I like MD, but I don't have MIL or my mom close by, so it's just about sending a card/maybe flowers/making a phone call.

 

MY Mother's Day in MY house is rather nice. My kids all get me a card, and my hubby, too, and they get me a gift--sometimes it's flowers or a hanging basket or something like that. One year my dh gave me a necklace with the kids' birth stones on it--unfortunately, it's not very pretty, but I wear it occasionally anyway, since it was a very sweet gift (I'm not a jewelry person). I usually get what I want for dinner, too.

 

I make sure we don't have Sunday School for adults on Mother's Day; I told my dh my opinion that kids and moms should be freed up to go out to brunch or whatever on Mother's Day, and he listened and encourages kids to spend the day with Mom. Not everyone's cuppa, but I think it's rather nice that he supports honoring our moms.

 

 

[AMJ]

DO just profounded, "There are no shallow holidays, just shallow people."

 

Sounds snarky, but I agree with his point. Holidays are what you make of them. If you don't want commercialism and want deeper meaning then celebrate it the way you want. Sometimes you do need to be blunt with loved ones about what you want/don't want.

 

I used to get very stressed out over Mother's Day. The entire family would gather at MIL's, and invariably the DILs would take care of small kids while MIL cooked for everyone and the guys all went to the garage, or the computers, or the electronics store. As kids got older we DILs had to juggle time for letting our own kids fuss over us while we tried to make sure MIL didn't have to cook and wait on everyone. Then FIL retired, we had talks with our DHs about not making their Mom cook, and we all relish in the fussing over our kids give us. It's still a lot of work for me afterwards, but I won't trade it for anything.

[Luanne]

We try to make it about both my mother and myself.  I don't have a mother-in-law and my only sister-in-law who has children lives 8-9 hours from here and we don't see her very often.

[Miss Peregrine]

I hate Mother's Day. It has been ruined for me, personally, so I gave it up and have absolutely no expectations. My mom thinks it is a measure of love so I dutifully fulfill that. This year we are having MIL up to our house. I suggested it and DH was asking if I was sure. I didn't tell him its because he has ruined it for me, lol

[LucyStoner]

My mother is dead 5 years now. My MIL lives far

away.

 

My husband usually does something sweet and low key for me.

 

This year, my SIL has just left a very bad situation marriage wise and is a single mom for the first time. I am taking her kids to a paint your own pottery place today to make stuff for her. We are going to do something very nice for her for Mother's Day. Maybe send her to a spa or something.

[Matryoshka]

For years it was all about my mom and MIL.  My mom would dictate what she wanted to do, and then we'd go visit MIL and take her out.  On the road all day long, paying homage.  I finally had it and said that I wanted mother's day to be about me while I still had kids at home.  When my kids grow up, I'm not going to demand that it be all about me - it will be their turn.  My mom never had to share when I was a kid - her mom and MIL lived thousands of miles away, they got a call, and it was all about her then too.  I used to make her breakfast and cards and she could do whatever she wanted that day.  If it wasn't my turn now, when would it be?  I'd already let this go on about half the time my kids would be with me before they grew up and moved away.

 

My mom threw a gigantic hissy and tried to make me hugely guilty.  Sorry, not working anymore.  Now Saturday is Mother's Day for mom and MIL.  I go to my mom's, DH goes with the kids to his mom's, and they each get love and thanks.  Then I get to be with DH and kids on mother's day.  I don't care much if a big fuss is made, but at least I'm not running around playing third banana.  If anyone even acknowledged that I was a banana.

[Supertechmom]

We've had ups and downs over MD.   At first we lived too far away to have it about anybody else.  And given what a handful my oldest was, I was more than delighted to have a day where someone else gave me a break.    We also were dirt poor and I received a plant every MD to plant in my "garden"    (one plant a year doesn't make it much of a garden LOL!)  After a few years, it started looking pretty good.   Hubby and the kids loved the idea of going to church, eating lunch, and then planting my MD plants.

 

Then we moved. some years are traditional , other years one of the mothers has a cow and duck and we do something appropriate. 

[JessReplanted]

It is absolutely for me. ;)  We have never lived close to extended family, so it's not an issue. I usually send my mom a card and make her a photo calender.

[OneStepAtATime]

My bday, grandmother in law bday, and mother's day all fall in a short window.  Usually the celebration is GMIL bday with a separate cake and cards, then a smaller MD cake for the moms on both sides of the family (we all gather together).  My Bday is a short, quick celebration with kids and DH, plus maybe a lunch with Mom.  But my family and DH's family are all at his mom's house for MD so the focus is definitely on GMIL (and MIL to a lesser degree).  I try to do something separately for my mom too, but since my bday is about the same time, I don't think the kids or DH has ever said or done much about MD for me in particular.  Honestly, I would rather just have a day where there is nothing required, no cooking, no laundry, no lesson prep or teaching, no bill paying, etc.  Just hanging out for my MD.

[SKL]

My kids are now 7 and just starting to "scheme" about Mother's Day.  Before, friends and family would do little things for me, but it's not the same.  So Mother's Day has always been about my mom, really.  Now I guess it will be about both.

 

My mom's birthday is usually within a week of Mother's Day, so I usually combine the events.  This year is a "big birthday" so I will see my mom on that day instead of Mother's Day.  So I guess M.Day is about "me" this year.  :P

 

I will be working as usual, but I have put in a request for breakfast and brunch.  :P  I also enjoy the Mother's Day church service, as they make a point to really honor moms.  :)

 

I guess most moms get some attention from their husbands, but since I am single, that isn't part of the equation here.

[Laurie4b]

I don't have a special attachment to specific dates. If a mother or mil needs some special honoring on that specific Sunday in May, no problem. I do like and appreciate Mother's Day, but another Sunday will do just fine for me!

[happypamama]

We make sure to celebrate both my mom and DH's mom, and DH and the kids celebrate me too. Actually, my parents and DH's send me cards too, which is sweet.

 

This year, I will make a point to be there for my mom, because my grandmother died unexpectedly a few months ago, so this is Mom's first holiday without her own mom.

[Garga]

Speaking of Mother's Day! My boys just received $10 each from my MIL to spend at Sonic on milkshakes. DH just walked out the door with them to head to Sonic and get their milkshakes. (I'm staying home so I can get my portfolio done for the state of PA uninterrupted.)

 

I said, "While you are all three out, you can get me my Mother's Day gift!" They said, "What do you want?" And I said, "Gee, I don't know."

 

Then I remembered the office desk chair from Aldi. It's only $29.99 and I've been eyeing it for months. There are only 2 left and I keep not buying it because I don't like spending money. But, I knew they would get me a gift anyway so I figured it may as well be the chair I've been wanting for months.

 

And now I can't wait for Mother's Day! I sit in a wooden, child's-sized chair (like a middle school aged child) at a child's desk for hours each day when we homeschool. It will be lovely to have a cushioned chair designed for a grown up. It has a back support and arm rests! Oh, I can hardly wait for next Sunday now! Mother's day is awesome!

[FaithManor]

Mother's Day is the trip home from D.C. with the rocket team. The kids will call their moms, and then because I am rocket momand a big part of their lives year in and year out, they'll take turns hugging me and getting pictures with me...usually there are messages written on team stationary, and it's the best Mother's Day in the whole world even if we are loading early and making the 11 hr. drive home after a very hectic schedule.

 

I call my mom;dh calls his mom.

 

Outside of that, it's a hallmark holiday and I refuse to pay $5.00 for a card with sappy verse.

[Audrey]

To be honest, I would be happy if my family just let the day slide.  I still miss my mother terribly, and to make it worse, my parents' birthday (they shared the same birthday) was Mother's Day the year they were born.  As a child, that was a sweet story.  Now, it's raw. My dad is gone, too, so that kind of makes it worse. 

 

Also, my dh's mother is gone, as well.  She was a wonderful sweet woman, and for a short time, it was almost like having a second mom. 

 

We don't watch a lot of tv, so I'm really hoping my dh and ds won't notice the holiday and the day will pass uneventfully just like every other Sunday.  That would be the nicest thing they could do for me.  I wouldn't get upset if they did acknowledge it, though.  I'd just prefer they not.

[Guest]

I am my mother's only surviving child, she has been divorced since I was three, and she has kind of a negative attitude about motherhood, so I usually spend more money than I can afford on a present and more time than I have on the phone.

 

I was ready to phase it out as "Hallmark Holiday" until my then-teenaged son started making it very special for me. Before that, Mom and I just sent each other cards and didn't even bother with telephone calls..

 

I haven't seen XMIL in a good ten years. I just assume that her grandkids take good care of her because her son and I raised them right. :D.

[jrn]

Around here it's not a super big deal but the kids and I have some fun.

I am estranged from my mother so no calls to her, dh calls his mom, and the kids and I go to a local flower place that lets the kids decorate a pot and put a plant in it to give to their mothers.  (all for free!)  Then we usually poke around in our flower gardens to see if anything is growing yet.

[FloridaLisa]

I'm happy to share the day with the mothers in our family.  Really.  I'm so lucky to have 7 kiddos and I usually wake up to homemade cards and chocolate and candles and such.  I'm more than happy to make sure that my mother and mother-in-law have TIME and feel honored that day!

 

Lisa

[Impish]

*hugs* Audrey

[KungFuPanda]

I'm really a Love the One Your With kinda girl. When MIL lived nearby, we saw her on MD. If I happen to be back home, I defer to my mother and grandmother. Usually, though, it's just about me and everyone else gets a phone call. Restaurants here are insane, so we traditionally get loads of Indian take-out and the kids resist complaining about it. Sometimes there are gifts or flowers, but other times there isn't. I'm very low maintenance and pretty happy as long as nobody is being rude to me :-)

[73349]

My mom and MIL live out of state, so we send gifts and call. I plan to send at least a card to my grandmother, too. We don't have any particular traditions about how we celebrate it at our house, but DH buys a little gift for DS to give to me. :) My dad usually calls to wish me a happy mother's day, too.

[Night Elf]

I am happy to get a verbal acknowledgement from my DH and kids. We don't treat it like a birthday, which is a time for cards and going to a restaurant as a family. We do send cards to our moms and also call them because it just feels right. I don't usually send a card to my grandmother because she's not my mom. But she's elderly and I think she might enjoy one, so thanks for my thought process. :)

[JustEm]

Its about all of us. And this year it will be about dd too because its her birthday! In the morning I'll get so sleep in while dh and kids make breakfast for me. After that the focus will shift on dd with us giving her gifts. We usually go to my mom's for lunch every Sunday so this will be no different. We also go to Mil's every Sunday for dinner so this will be no different. We don't do MD gifts though.

[MooCow]

After last year's, I expect nothing. Still hurts my feelings to think about it.

[MomatHWTK]

It's about them.  Just another date I have to worry about not forgetting. LOL!  I did transfer responsibility for MIL to DH this year.  DH and I chose a computer game I wanted and pre-bought it so my Mother's Day will come May 23 when I stay up all night and play like I'm a teenager with no responsibilities.  LOL

 

Actually, I should give my mom credit.  The kids are going to her house this week for a one-day visit and she usually helps them pick me some flowers or something.  If I'm extra "lucky" DH will get called for overtime Mother's Day weekend and my gift will be extra $ in the bank account. ;)

 

In general, I could do with a LOT fewer "obligation days" in the year. 

[Slache]

This will be my 4th Mother's Day and we've never celebrated it because my mother and his both expect nice gifts and we're so poor there's never any leftover for me.