I love this sale, but it rarely happens that any of the courses that I have on my wishlist are actually a part of the sale. This time I ended up buying: *An Introduction to Infectious Diseases and *Turning Points in Middle Eastern History because they looked interesting, though neither were in my running wishlist. The one I wanted most, "The United States and the Middle East 1914 - 9/11" was not part of the sale, but I decided to buy it anyway. I have been dying to listen to this one since it came out but kept putting it off for one reason or another. Can't wait to give it a listen.

He has been on medication for 20 years for his depression. I encouraged him to go to the doctor and deal with it when we were still dating. Since then, he's only had 1 or 2 issues that he struggled to manage, one of which was the result of a minor head injury. The meds keep him functional while other activities have helped him to feel more fulfilled as a person.

Update: Things have been resolved. I texted DH about the situation (we actually do really well at having serious conversations via text - it keeps things on topic) and we talked at length about it. I was very honest but also non-confrontational and non-accusatory. I won't go into all of the discussion that we had, but we're actually laughing about it right now. I really do get over things quickly once they're out in the open.

He has a history of depression, but it is currently under control. He doesn't have any other chronic health issues that would be a factor.

I've never heard of covert narcissism, but the answer to all of the others is, no.

Thank you for the information. I've never heard of this so I'll look into it for more details.

Honestly, he really doesn't do passive aggressive, so I don't think that's it.

This is exactly why I didn't bring it up last night. Talking to other adults and working through it verbally can help me to clarify things in my own head and help me to see whether I'm overreacting and being silly with an issue or if I am genuinely right to be upset.

Read the rest of the thread. And I understand the type of person you're talking about. My grandmother was exactly that woman. Even my husband would tell you that that is not me at all.

Thank you.

He didn't acknowledge the flowers or balloons, which is fine, but he did say, "Oh you got dinner, thanks." Then I went into the story of how I ended up getting him the food I did after the restaurant didn't have what I really wanted to get him.

I know that He does because he was posting on Facebook from work.

He did say, "thanks" but there was no mention of him having forgotten or chosen to do something to reciprocate.

Thank you for the book suggestion. I will look into it.

Because, in this case, it wasn't a simple case of it not being on his radar. His Facebook feed was full of pics of what his friends were doing (we're friends with some of the same people) and he bought our 17 year old son something at the store over the weekend.

I read this book years ago. He has always been acts of service and I am a pretty even mix of words of affirmation and physical touch. Gifts aren't even on my radar or his. I simply like some sort of acknowledgement that I'm important to the other person. I would think that anyone would desire that.

Yikes, ok yes, you really are way off base. Yes, I did put thought into it. My husband ADORES food. The main part for him was the dinner, dessert (his favorite), and watching tv. The flowers and balloons were merely decorations. And no, I didn't simply run around after work at the last minute with no forethought, though I understand that my wording made it sound like it. I had this planned for a few days, but the nature of the items meant running around after work on the day of in order for everything to be hot, fresh, and a surprise.

We always had a humorous relationship. We're not super gushy or anything. Even this would have been sufficient for me. Just an acknowledgement. I don't NEED gifts. I just hopes for an acknowledgement of some sort. Nothing happened. No, I didn't discuss it because I personally need time to think and process before discussion. That was partly what my post here was for. I was hurt and frustrated, but at the same time, I want to be less emotional about it when I discuss it with him. I need to process aloud beforehand in order to clarify my thoughts and feelings.

OH my goodness, THIS!

We have discussed it but haven't acted on it yet. DH is not sold on its effectiveness and, to be honest, I am a bit wary because I've heard more people say that they found themselves worse off in the end than to when they started than actual success stories.

I am not attached to the holidays. I do not feel that I have unrealistic expectations or expect him to read my mind. We literally just had a conversation on Saturday about how I feel that I am the only one making an effort in the restoration of our marriage and that I feel like I'm the only one who is genuinely invested. We talked about what him being invested looks like. Side note - it sounds like I'm being very demanding because this is all so one-sided but that's not the case. We both had points of discussion for what is currently working vs what isn't. He agreed that he has not been showing me that he is invested even if he feels that he is. The hurt is that we had this conversation and yet he still didn't feel like it was important at all to even make the tiniest of gestures.

We have always done lunch or dinner on a weekend night close to Valentine's day. On the day of he usually sends me a "Happy Valentine's Day" or "Happy Hallmark Holiday Day" type text. In the past he has occasionally sent me flowers or those fruit bouquet things or just brought me something little... I genuinely didn't expect anything huge and I'm not upset that it wasn't anything extravagant. Something as simple as a picking up a bottle of my favorite drink on his way home or sending a simple text would have been enough to tell me that I wasn't the only one making an effort here. And I'm sorry but I just don't buy the "it's not his skill set" or "it's not his nature" excuses. Why are we so quick to let guys off the hook for things so easily like that? They certainly don't forget when they're dating us. Everyone wants to know that they are appreciated. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that. And if I have to remind you to appreciate me on the biggest couples day of the year, then don't even bother because I don't want your pity gifts. I want a genuine expression of your affection no matter how big or small.

UPDATE IN POST #114 So to try to make a long story short, my marriage is not great and hasn't been for years. I finally told DH a few weeks ago that I wanted us to BOTH actively work at repairing it or I want a divorce. We both agreed to do the work and came up with specific action items. Things have been going ok. I feel like I'm the one steering the ship, but it's better than it was. Fast-forward to Valentine's Day. I run around after work and buy flowers, balloons, a dinner for us that we can eat in front of the tv at home since I knew he wouldn't want to go out anywhere. What did I get? Nothing. Not one thing. Not even a generic Happy Valentine's Day text. To say that I'm frustrated and angry is an understatement. I already felt like I was the one steering this whole reconciliation ship, but now I REALLY feel like the only one who cares. And on top of it, I feel like I'm being petty for being so hurt and angry. Maybe I could have specifically told him that I expected something... ANYTHING, but really if I have to tell you that I want to be remembered on Valentine's Day, then don't bother.

What would one volunteer to do in an ER without medical training? I'm genuinely curious, because I think that's something I would enjoy. I volunteered in the PCU years ago and loved it.

Orange jello. We do thanksgiving at the in-laws' house and she makes orange jello with some sort of orange pudding topping. It's delicious, but not at all a thanksgiving-esque food. The holiday would seem odd without it after 18 years in their family.