If you could go back in time and have a do-over... (# of children and when you had children)

[Janie Grace]

Okay, so of course no one wants to give back any of their kids. This poll isn't about that. It's just about the generic NUMBER of kids you have and when you had them. Knowing what you know now about life, marriage, your personality, motherhood, and everything else... would you change anything? 

 

[Pegasus]

I chose the same number of kids (2) and the same time (age 27 and 30).  Fertility seems to end in my family by early to mid-thirties and I certainly wasn't ready for children before my late twenties.  Before we had any children, I thought I wanted 5.  I'm glad now to only have 2 with which to spend our time and finances.

[Mama Geek]

I WAS NOT READY for kids when I got married.  I was pretty seriously messed up emotionally due to lots of things.  When I was finally read to start having kids, it took us several years to have dd and we have not been able to have another since.  I would love to have a house full of kids now.

[Desert Strawberry]

I should have started sooner and had more. I listened to other people instead of following my heart.

 

[texasmama]

Wouldn't change a thing, even though my kids span two marriages and a decade. Even though two of the four were surprises. I finished my masters degree prior to the birth of baby #1, which delayed my childbearing career. I don't regret this at all.

[Meriwether]

I'd like to have one or two more.  With my back problems, I wish I could have had them before my oldest.  I may still have one more, but I am getting older and feel older than I am.

[Jerico]

I had my first at 21 and always wanted a big family. Unfortunately, our financial status cannot support a large family... And pregnancy is much harder than it looks ;) so I'm happy with 3 but wish life was easier and less expensive. I'm glad I had them young- don't regret that.

[Hypatia.]

I'm happy with the way I did it.  I had a career I loved and I was definitely not ready for kids when DH and I first got married (it was my 2nd marriage).  DS1 was born two days before my 29th birthday and the Caboose was born when I was 37.  I'm not sure I could handle another pregnancy again, it was a harder each time around on my body (neurological issues that were normally handled by meds that I couldn't take while pregnant), plus the chaos of having one more kid to look after each time.

 

Of course, in another 9 months or so I'll likely go broody again, so I'll have to look back at this post sometime in the spring.

[ThisIsTheDay]

I would have had more, and I would have had them sooner. 

 

But I would have had to meet and marry my husband sooner too.  The alternative would be children by ex-boyfriends, and I'm thankful that never happened.

 

While we would have liked more kids, I have not used b/c since my second was born 15 years ago--for whatever that is worth!

 

[Alte Veste Academy]

We lost three babies and about 2.5 years before we had our three kids. My do over would be to not have lost those...but simultaneously to have the same three I have now (which would obviously be impossible) plus a fourth I would have had the time and energy for if my babies had been born when we first started trying. (And as long as I am magical anyway, the 4th would be a girl so DD would have a sister. :D)

[I.Dup.]

I got pregnant my freshman year (of college). I do wish I had been able to finish college, so I could have more financial options.

 

But I can see the Divine Plan. I had to grow up, be challenged, be stretched, learn so many things, so much more than I would have learned had I finished college. I am thankful we were given dd when we were. It has all and only been a blessing. It's worth the stretching of the finances, not being able to go on as many vacations as we would like, etc.

[Aelwydd]

 I have one and I'm happy with one. Had him at 25, which I wouldn't change either.

 

And I.Dup, having fewer kids wouldn't necessarily equate to more vacations, if it's any consolation.  It's been three years since we had a proper vacation!

 

Life is expensive. The end. (lol)

[Camelfeet]

I wouldn't change.  I've got two children and started in my teens, which at the time was less than ideal but things have worked out pretty well.  

 

The though of having baby age children right now is scary.      

[Melissa in Australia]

I had my first at 19 (married at 18). I would do it the same all over. My Dh is considerably older than me and was ready to have children straight off.  He was so ready that he actually told me ( pre wedding) that he was marrying me because I was of good breading stock. I have never really worked out if he was meaning this as a compliment (as in men find fertile women attractive) or if he was attempting a joke.

[Pawz4me]

I wouldn't change a thing, other than that we had problems conceiving DS #1 and so were a couple of years later in getting started than we hoped.

[jelbe5]

I was older when we started our family but the timing was right. I would have loved to have more but I had high blood pressure problems with my third pregnancy and dh was firm that "three is the magic number". I was pretty sad for a short time but the baby lust feeling passed and I am very content with my family size now.

[Mommyfaithe]

I guess I am one of the few who, if I got to do it over, would have had fewer kids and started older. I was 21 with my first, and 39 with my last one. Life has been hectic, stressful and downright difficult because dh and I never finished our educations and never had any help with our kids etc. We would never want to give any back, but, since this is hypothetical, life would have been more settled had we finished our educations, began our careers and had a stable environment for bringing up kids. It would have been better for dh not to have to work so many hours for so little pay. It would have been better for me to be a fully developed person before having to devote myself to developing other little people.

 

I also never even realized all this until just recently when I realized that those friends f ours who waited to get married and have kids are just in a better financial and emotional place than we are. They are also physically in abetted place....bodies less worn out from years of intense physical labor and 20 something years of no sleep and nursing infants.

 

So, selfishly, yes....i would be more selfish, have fewer kids and start in my early 30's, not 20's.

[RebeccaS]

I would have waited until I was a bit older.  Dh and I met and married in less than a year and I became pregnant 6ish weeks after we were married.  I had just turned 23.  I had no experience with babies (at all) and had no idea what I was doing with my dd.  I had no concept of what was developmentally appropriate and was very frustrated with what I now know was her just being a baby/toddler/preschooler.  :(  Now, as a foster mom in her mid-thirties I am so much more patient with the little ones.  If I could have a do-over it would be to wait and grow up a lot more first.  But, my dh is considerably older and wanted kids right away and I thought I did, too.  Three in less than three years nearly put me over the edge.  :P I survived, but I'm recommending my dd's not be in a hurry to have kids. (Although with my fostering, my dd's have a better idea of what is involved in having a baby around and I'm teaching them what behaviors are developmentally appropriate so as to hopefully ease their frustration.  One can always hope!)

 

[Wheres Toto]

I probably would have waited longer to have my first - finished college, gotten more financial secure.   I'm not sure how many I would have.  Maybe just 2?  Maybe more if the finances were right.

 

It's hard for me to separate this question from the marrying too young, getting divorced, finding dh at an older point in my life.

[Carrie12345]

I'm assuming that this time machine allows us to change some of the financial decisions we've made, too, lol?

 

In that case, I'd probably have 1 or 2 more.

I started at 21. While that was shocking to some at the time, I've always been happy with it. My last was at 34. Not sure if I'd have any after that, but maybe slide a few in between. ;-)

[Runningmom80]

I think I would have waited a little bit, but seeing as how I needed fertility drugs at 29 to conceive my twins, I'm glad I didn't wait. We made a permanent birth control decision after them, it was a year ago, and I'm still very happy with that decision, so obviously I wouldn't change the number either.

 

 

We talked about 3 kids, 2 boys and a girl, and we're lucky enough to have that scenario. I didn't want to push my luck. ;)

 

 

If I had magical powers, I'd also have another girl so dd could have a sister, but we are lucky that our extended family is full of girl cousins for her.

[elegantlion]

I have one and happy with one. Wouldn't have wanted him sooner, he was born when I was 30. I had no desire to be a younger mother. 

[Mom0012]

In a perfect world, I wish I had at least one more in my later 30's, but I was sick at the time with Lyme and unsure about how it would effect a baby. On the other hand, I feel like I have my hands full with the two I have and think I made the right decision. The only reason I really ever wish for more is that I miss having small children. But that has to end sometime anyway, I guess. It just has all gone so much quicker than I ever imagined it would.

[UncleEJ]

I voted that I wish I had more kids and that I'm happy with when I started.

 

I got married at 19 ( met DH at 16) and my first DS at 21. At the time I got pregnant, I felt like we had had tons of time together and we had waited plenty. In hindsight, that was kind of ridiculous. We had time together, but not as grown ups. But in the end, I am glad I'm a young mom. My pregnancies were not super pleasant and each one was harder than the last. So I can't imagine if I had waited to start until I was thirty or so.

 

We have three kid and they are two years apart each. Currently 6,4, and 2. Last year was rough! Toddlers are exhausting. No more babies will be coming from my womb, but I hold out a little hope we might adopt. Most days I am very happy and settled with my three but occasionally I wish for more. I see on tv and hear on WTM about large families and I feel a little longing for that. But DH and I have expensive taste. Any more kids and things would change financially for us. Right now, DH especially, is not willing to do that. I, personally, have mixed feelings. It's tough. I miss having a tiny, nursing baby. That is until nobody wakes me up at night lol. There is something almost equally satisfying and depressing about getting rid of baby gear and moving away from diapers and carseats....

[Parrothead]

Well, we always wanted more.

 

I wouldn't change the timing, age dh and I were when we got married and had dd. but if I knew then that one or both of us would come down with auto-immune disorders we wouldn't have waited to try again. We would have tried right away.

[sparrow]

I wouldn't change a thing, though at different times I thought I wanted more. I'm actually happy that didn't pan out now.  I also really liked being a mom at 30. I was too flaky in my twenties ;) .

[TracyP]

Dh and I became friends when I was 17, started dating when I was 19, and married when I was 22. We had our first baby 1.5 years later when I was 23. I wouldn't change a bit of this.

 

I never wanted a big family. It just sorta happened baby by baby. :) Now we are playing with the idea of having 1 more. But I also have days where I wonder what life would be like with just 2. Most of the time, I am very happy with the number of kids we have. I wouldn't do that aspect of my life any different.

 

 

[Dmmetler]

I married right out of college, but held off on having children until after I DH and I were done with grad school, I had tenure, and so on.

 

I ended up losing my first baby at age 29,to complications that rarely appear in women in their 20s. At 32, I successfully had DD after a pregnancy that had me in and out of the hospital, on bedrest and serious medication for months, and an emergency C-section 6 weeks early.

 

I count myself lucky that she only has some sensory integration and motor control issues.

 

At this point I'm 41, and haven't been able to get pregnant again, and am considered to have secondary infertility. I'd love another child, but I'm feeling like it would take a miracle of Old Testament proportions to get pregnant, stay pregnant, and have a healthy baby. DH doesn't want to adopt.

 

 

[Kim in Appalachia]

I was 24 when I had my first child, and I think that age was perfect.  I was done school, but still young.  I did vote have fewer kids, but it's not really the number.  We have 5, and we decided on each pregnacy one at a time.  So, my first child was difficult and we waited to have the second.  The second baby was easy, so 2 and 3 are close.  My 4th was so sweet that I wanted a 5th .  :D   But some are spaced, and I was a month shy of 35 when I had my last child.  Looking back, I would  have preferred to have been younger when I stopped having kids.  I was 32 with my 4th, and I think it was much harder at 34 (even the pregnacy at 32 was hard compared to the others, but at the time I thought it was just my younger two that were wearing me out)

 

Honestly, I don't believe there's a perfect age or number of children.  But for me, the toll on my body was rough once I hit my 30's. 

[Dory]

I was 20 with my first and that was way too young. I would love to have more, but I would wait to start having them. I would've waited longer to marry too.

[Dandelion]

We have two kids and I'm happy with two.  DS was born a few weeks before my 32nd birthday, and I'm fine with that too.  If I could have a do-over, I would have DD sooner (she was born when I was almost 37).  It would be nice for the kids to be closer in age.

[Mommy22alyns]

I wouldn't change anything about my girls.   I really love the 2 year spacing, and I think I was at a good age when I had them (25 and 27).

[Um_2_4]

I suffered from 7 years of infertility and several miscarriages. So I would have started earlier and had more. If I hadn't lost my 1st preg, I would now have a 16yo LOL!

[Sahamamama]

I just am so thankful for the family that I do have. I was 36.5 when I met my husband (on eHarmony). We were both at the point where we thought we would be single and childless forever. When we met, we just "clicked." We got married, got pregnant, and just over 9 months later, had a beautiful baby girl. :)

 

Less than two years after that, we had two more beautiful baby girls. So, three babies by our third wedding anniversary. I was 38 years old with the first, and nearly 40 with the twins. Tubes tied during the second C-section. I did have some post-tubal angst about that, but still glad it was done.

 

There are times, even now -- ten years after we first met -- when I think "one more" would be nice. Then my husband says, "Yeah, you and some other husband." He's done. He's happy with the three we have, never says a word about wanting a son (which would bother me), and feels there is only so much time in the day to nurture and take care of young children. He has a point, but I think I could handle four. But what I could do and what is best for us, overall, may be two different scenarios. For us, three is enough!

[SKL]

If I had started younger, I would have liked to have more.  But since I was 40 when my kids were born, 2 is the perfect number.  :)

 

There are pros and cons to starting younger / older.  It probably balances out overall.

[craftyerin]

In my ideal life, we'd have one or two more.  Mine came SO fast and furious that we needed a break after the twins before considering more.  And now that we're in a place where we feel our heads are above water, we don't want to start all the way over with babies!  Ahh well, these 3 are pretty awesome. 

[AmandaVT]

I'm happy about the timing - I was 31 (just) and DH and I had been together 7 years when DS was born. I haven't been able to get pregnant again though and I've always wanted 2 or 3. I'm 36 now and mostly ok with having an only, but there's a part of me that still wants more. It took almost 2 years to get pregnant with DS and it's been 3 1/2 years of trying for another. So for now, 1 is the magic number for us. :-)

[Onceuponatime]

I was ready to have kids when we started. I originally wanted 4 and ended up with 5. I wouldn't give up any of them, but I honestly would have been far less stressed out and my 3rd child would have had a more present mother if we had stopped at 3. Plus, I would be done homeschooling by now. :-) But we can't go back. My last 2 are enjoying a more relaxed mother at the moment than my older children had when there were 5 at home, so it's worked out.

[happyhomemaker]

I said that I wished I had waited, but I'm happy with the number we have (3).

 

I had my first at 23. I really wasn't ready emotionally and we were not in a great place financially. If I had it to do over, I would wait a couple if years and bank roll my pay so that our finances would be better. By 25 I think we would have been better prepared all around.

[MedicMom]

Mine are still young and maybe we might have one more, but...no. I might have waited another year before having my oldest, but probably not. I married at 27, had DS at 28 and DD at 30. We were educationally and financially set when we got married and I think that has made parenting much easier. Not that we are rich in the least but we make decent money, especially in our low COL area, and so I can hire help(a house cleaner and part time nanny). Honestly that makes life with two toddlers much easier and makes me a less stressed, much better mom.

[MrsJewelsRae]

I'd have started earlier and had more. But I didn't get a say in any of it since I have Endo and PCOS. I was only 22 when I had my first (ttc 2 yrs), I was perfectly ready, I always wanted to be a mom and was never interested in a career- no regrets there. But we lost 2 babies before he was born when I was 20 and 21 and they were very much wanted. I was 24 when my 2nd was born, at 25 I had another miscarriage then tried another 3 yrs to get pg. Many rounds of drugs, shots, procedures (IUI, etc) and a surgery finally resulted in our 3rd child at 29. We always wanted lots of kids- 5 at least. We have never used birth control and never will, we tried again for a 4th, back to the RE, the meds, the procedures, the shots and it didn't work... We've taken a break, my youngest will soon be 5 but I still get teary whenever I see a family with 4 kids, and I always have this deep down feeling of someone missing. :( I'm not really ready to move on yet so I think we'll be going back to the dr again and try all over again, but deep down I'm pretty sure it's not going to work and wonder why I'm torturing myself. I LOVE my kids, I'm so incredibly thankful for them, it's not that they don't fulfill or satisfy me, I love them so much and find them such a blessing and a joy that I can't imagine only having 3 of them! They are such an amazing gift I'd gladly take 10 more! ;) So if I could do it over, I would wish for no infertility and those precious sweet babies I lost...

[Sparkle]

I actually love my family size and make-up, but I would not have minded having one or two more. I would have had to start earlier, and avoided the c-sections though.

[waa510]

I said I'd have the same number, but I would have waited longer. It still is hard that Dh wasn't there for both of our girls' babyhoods as he was deployed at the time. There were a lot of 'firsts' that he missed, and my oldest had a very rough time with his last deployment. Granted, her rough adjustment to his being gone led to my not putting her in pre-school at the time, which then morphed into homeschooling. It's still difficult though, when the kids ask Dh about themselves as babies and he doesn't know. :(

[swellmomma]

I would have waited until I was older and in a stable marriage, and I think if I did that I likely would have had more because I wouldn't have been in a disaster of a marriage and become a single parent.  I also think if I waited my kids would not necessarily have been born with the disabilities they have, and if they were they would have been in a more stable home to support them and help them more than I alone can do.

[Mena]

We started later and have more kids than we originally planned, but I wouldn't change a thing.

[AlmiraGulch]

I had my first at 24 and my second at 31. 

 

Two is perfect, but I became pregnant with my 1st about 2 seconds after I was married.  That was certainly not ideal, as I was pretty clear I didn't want a baby yet.  My ex is 11 years older, though, so he was fine with it.  I was definitely the first of my friends and colleagues to be married and have a baby, by a lot.  On the other hand,  I have many, many friends who just had their first babies in the last 5 years (so, over age 35 for the first baby) and I'm really glad I didn't wait that long!  They have more money and are in a better financial position, but while I'm looking at colleges with mine they are looking at pre-schools.  I'm SO glad not to be in that place anymore. 

[Lady Florida.]

It would have been nice to have more and to have them sooner, but too many things would have to change. I'd have had to meet dh sooner, which means he wouldn't have his older son. I adore my stepson, dil, and grandbaby. Sure, we might have had another son, but he'd be a different person. Also, having kids earlier in life would probably mean we wouldn't homeschool. I didn't really know anything about it until after ds was born and we started researching homeschooling..

 

I guess that means I wouldn't go back and change anything.

[higginszoo]

Ideally, I wanted to have kids a couple of years earlier.  We needed some medical intervention to get going, so it took a bit longer.  I still kind of wish we could have gotten started when we planned to.  Whatever our issues were, they were then fixed and we suddenly conceived easily, and 3 of our dc are very close in age.  We persisted through multiple miscarriages between children 3 and 4, and there is a bigger gap that I wish didn't exist.

 

We always wanted 4-6 dc, ended up with four.  I'm at peace with not pursuing treatments after dc4 -- it was the right choice for us, as it took a lot of emotional energy away from the other dc.  Her being so much younger than the other dc is hard on her and on me a lot, but she was/is so high needs that I can't see dealing with medical intervention again while she was little, and I am happy not to have more big gaps.

[momto10blessings]

I was married at 20 and had my first at 21. All my life I wanted to have a large family and I'm blessed that I was given that opportunity. I'm glad we had our first when we did and pray we are blessed with more.

[HRAAB]

I got married at 25 and had my first a couple weeks before my 29th birthday.  My last (twins) were born when I was 40.  There have been a few times that I have questioned my sanity over that one, but only in jest.  I would not change one thing about when and how many children I have.  I'm glad I was older, I was way more ready to be a mom at that time, and I am so very, very thankful for the twins, even if I don't have as much energy as I did with the older ones.