Isabella Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Julie, I am going through similar things right now, and every time you post, it seems almost a replica of my feelings. I also feel my kids are a little scared when I'm at my worst. And in fact, they tell me to go away for a few days to just have a break. And I have gone away. I went for a week just after Christmas. My dh was home some of the time, and away some of it - but mine are old enough to look after themselves, as yours are, especially with the older ones able to run the younger ones around if they need it. Julie, if you need to go away for a few days, I'd really recommend it! I stayed with a person who just rents out a room in her house, as it was a cheap option. I didn't want to stay with anyone that I knew. I cried, went to the beach wearing sunglasses, so I could cry there too without anyone noticing my eyes full of tears. I laughed at funny movies, then cried myself to sleep, then did it all over again. I wrote lots of things down, which helped me to form a clear picture in my head of the direction I needed to go. Since coming home I have had ups and downs - very dependent on where my dh is, if he's home, it's very tense and hard, if he's not it's lighthearted some of the time, but very sad at others. Grieving happens, even if the end hasn't come yet. Something that really helps me is to get OUT of the house, and in the fresh air for some time at least once a day - more if you can. If I can't be bothered walking, I take our quad bike for a spin. Something about the fresh air in your face is very uplifting, and lightens your heart. I might then lay under a tree for 20 mins, and just soak in nature. It's very healing. If I need to scream or cry, I also try to do that away from the kids. The tension is REALLY getting to them, and my oldest is moving out because of it. She's 20, so it's to be expected anyway. I feel very sorry for them. They DO need me, but they really need me to be well and not unhinged mentally! And that's not going to happen right now. It is good for them, though, to see that you have the strength to get through it. Maybe they don't see the good now, but I'm sure they will later. A lot of rambling here, but I hope you can get some little thing from it, even if it's only that you're not alone. Feel free to PM me at any time. Hugs to you as you navigate the deep waters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 They need you and you can do this. You can! You are NOT going to give up your life, and break your children's hearts forever, for this weak man and corrupt woman. YOU ARE NOT. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyDays Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Oh honey... of course they need you. No one ever stops needing their Mama. Do what you need to in order to take care of them and yourself. I will be thinking of you as the church thing plays out tomorrow... I agree, do you need to be there for that? Would you feel better going or staying home while it happens? Be honest with your kids. Tell them that things are difficult for you right now, and that some days you're just putting one foot in front of the other, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Tell them that you need *them* as much as they need you, and help one another be strong. Please check in with us when you can... let us know how you're doing after church tomorrow, whether you go or not. :grouphug: We are all pulling for you and sending you love and strength. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Yes, Julie, your kids need you. Even when we are broken, our kids needs us. Even when everything in us cries out to stop, they need us. It is in the brokenness where our kids see what you will someday refer to as courage. It doesn't look like courage now, it looks like one tiny step forward at a time. It doesn't feel heroic, but it is. A bone that is broken can heal to be stronger. A person broken heals and finds strength in places they never knew. You too will find strength in places you never expected, peace in moments you never thought possible, and someday again you will find joy. In those moments you kids will celebrate with you. You are a woman of strength, you can do this. We're all here pulling for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 They need you. :grouphug: You are in my thoughts and prayers. I think of you often. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caitilin Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Praying for the Lord's mercy to pour over you like oil on the troubled water of your soul and for you to rest in His love, for He is with you always, even unto the end of the age. :grouphug: These lines from the personal prayerbook of St. Teresa of Avila have often helped me face my troubles: Let nothing disturb thee, Nothing affright thee All things are passing; God never changeth; Patient endurance Attaineth to all things; Who God possesseth In nothing is wanting; Alone God sufficeth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incognito Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 You are valuable. Sometimes the only thing you can actually do is breathe. Do that for now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 :grouphug: They need you, just as you are. You are important because you are their momma. You don't need words, God already knows your heart and your prayer, and you are precious to Him. You can do this, one step at a time, and you are not ever walking alone. Hold on, and keep breathing. Imagine the entire Hive surrounding you tomorrow as we pray for strength and peace for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin M Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Will keep you in our prayers tomorrow for strength and peace of mind. Yes, your children need you, but more than that, you need then. Trust in them, lean on them and they will be there for you as well. Trust in God and walk hand in hand with him tomorrow. I just have to share with you something I read in my daily devotional called Jesus Calling by Sarah Young because it made me think of you. "Come to Me, and rest in My loving Presence. You know that this day will bring difficulties, and you are trying to think your way through these trails. As you anticipate what is ahead of you, you forget that I am with you - now and always. Rehearsing your troubles results in experiencing them many times, whereas you are meant to go through them only when they actually occur. Do not multiply your suffering in this way! Instead, come to Me and relax in My peace. I will strengthen you and prepare you for this day, transforming your fear into confident trust." :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PachiSusan Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 I really don't know what this is all about but I sense it is super super emotional and hard. You have my prayers. God WILL carry you through whatever it is. Just ask for that Grace and BANK on it! it will be there when you need it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Yes, they need you. If it's scary with you around, it is way more scary without you around. It's OK for you to be grieving and in bad shape--you're still there. Sometimes taking the next breath does seem like too much. You can do that one thing, though. I do like the walking idea--the weather is perfect for it and the sun and fresh air will help you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pod's mum Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Yes they need you. And will all their life, And you are loved, by deserving people. And children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 :grouphug: Thinking of you this morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 We're thinking of you Julie. You have our prayers. *hugs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Julie, your kids need you more now than ever before. When I went through an incredibly difficult time and could barely remember to breathe, all I could do to keep moving was to reapeat this passage from Revelation: Holy, holy, holy is The Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come. That verse became my mantra. It brings me comfort and peace in the midst of chaos. God is in control and He knows how much you are hurting. Fix your eyes upon Him and let Him carry you through this. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Something about the fresh air in your face is very uplifting, and lightens your heart. I might then lay under a tree for 20 mins, and just soak in nature. It's very healing. Some soil microbes contain/give off a natural anti-depressant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 At one point, knowing that my kids need me was the one thing that kept me here on this Earth. Just keep repeating it. My kids need me. My kids need me. My kids need me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 They just need you to be their mom; not a perfect person who weathers this storm with a smile and grace, just their mom (who is hurting) and slowly making her way through a very difficult time. :grouphug: Please, please call your counselor again to help you get through this. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Julie, My parents divorce was much different than what you are going through. My mom had a really difficult time and had a hard breakdown. My brother and I still very much needed her and we all did get through it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Thinking of you this morning. Your kids do need you, and you will get through because you are stronger than you know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Thinking of you this morning. I hope today starts to lift the weight from your shoulders. You're kids do need you; but they don't need you to be perfect. They need you to be real. They need to see you are human, that you grieve, that you get angry, and they need to see that you have the strength to pick up the pieces and come out of all of this a stronger person. You need each other. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Thinking of you :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 if you can come up with a phrase that helps you, and just keep repeating it when you can find no other words, it can help a lot. my phrases from that time: "this is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it." why this helped so much, i don't know, but we say it at the beginning of worship each sunday, and somehow it reminded me that just because one thing was dreadful, not everything was dreadful. and in the end, it sure was a hard thing to go thru, but i came out of it happier and healthier. and the simon and garfunkle song: i am a rock and lastly, the children's song and book, "going on a bear hunt", for the line "can't get out of it, might as well go thru it". :grouphug: ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 I am thinking of you today too. I am wishing strength and peace for you. I think it was Winston Churchill who said, "If you're going through hell, keep going." Keep walking the honorable path and you WILL leave this behind you and come to a new, wonderful life. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Yes, your kids need you. Just as you are. This will pass. It really will. Don't do anything that will keep you from enjoying that post-crisis time with your kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 When my mother went through this she was unhinged for a while. She stayed with me. She drank too much in the evenings when I was asleep. But she stayed: she was there when I came home from school, she kept life as normal as she could. I needed her and she was there for me. It made all the difference. Best wishes as you go through this Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Random Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 :grouphug: They need you. You can't leave them, even if you're a basket case right now. You still have a lot to offer them. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrn Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: Don't worry about the right words. Matthew 12:34 For out of the overflow of our heart, the mouth speaks. Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Praying for you today! He is your sheild and gentle Comforter. And He will not only bring beauty from ashes but He will make you a rock for your children. They need you and you need them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiegirl Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Thinking of and praying for you, Julie. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Praying this morning that your church family reacts in a supportive fashion to you and the kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFaerie Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Kids, even grown up ones, always need their mama. But I also believe that mamas need their kids. You all need each other to hold on to and to hold each other up to get through this. When I went through this a few months ago, one night when I was particularly upset, my kids decided that we all needed to be together that night. They brought all their pillows and blankets and stuffed animals into my room and we had a sleep over so I wouldn't have to be alone. Let your kids be there for you, too. As I often tell my two, we've gotta stick together to get through it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 I have not read this whole thread, but I wanted to tell you that my kids needing me is the ONLY thing that has kept me going since May of 2010. I have been crazy. I have been a wreck. I have been so very low and so very lost and everything in between. I have wanted to die. I have wanted to do anything at all to make the pain of losing my child go away. People will tell you to have faith, to exercise, to pray, to eat well, to sing, to smile, to write, to breathe and on and on. ALL of those things and many more are helpful. But the ONLY thing that made me hang on is my two living children. So, yes, hang on for your children. They will be okay even if you are losing it. Love and only love will get you through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Praying for you today, Julie. And please remember, when things start to feel hopeless, that this situation isn't your fault. I've said it before and I'll say it again -- don't be heartbroken, be angry at the person who is breaking up your family. You and your kids don't deserve any of this. Of course your kids need you -- quite possibly they need you more right now than they ever have. Just be there for them and let them know that somehow you will get through this together. And also remember that your emotions are particularly raw because you've just been so sick with the flu and you're probably still exhausted and drained from that. It's hard to be emotionally strong when you're still physically weak. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. You'll get through this. I know you will. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelle in MO Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 How are you today, Julie? I hope you can check in and see that we all care about you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Your kids need you, Julie. But don't feel like you have to be a rock for them. It's okay to let them see you cry and for them to know that this is hard for you. They're hurting, too. Give them lots of hugs and you'll all muddle through it somehow. I cried through my court hearing granting my divorce. Tears dripping off my face, red nose, the whole bit. If you cry at the church hearing, you cry. It's not the end of the world. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 If your kids don't have you then they will go to their father. He'll do a carp job with them. So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and just keep swimming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: It will get better. It will. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Julie, I keep thinking that what you do now will show your kids what to do when things are utterly horrible. What they see you do, they will do themselves. If you check out, they will do that. If you keep going through this awful thing and stay for them, broken as you are, they will do that. Or, as Elizabeth says, they'll go to their dad and he'll be much worse. I'm thinking of you and praying for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merry Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Yes, the kids need you more than ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Yes, they need you. No matter what, they will never get over losing you. Checking out voluntarily is not an option. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 My mother slept 18 hours a day and we still missed her when she wasn't there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in NY Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Sending love to you, Julie. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Really worried about you Julie...hoping you are doing ok and will check in with us. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SproutMamaK Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 :grouphug: I pray you're making it through today, Julie. Your kids need you so very much, and not just when you're strog. Your kids need to see that it's okay to not be strong sometimes, that's okay to be sad and confused - they'll be feeling all those things too. It's alright for you to figure this out while they do and push through it together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Julie, I haven't seen an update either here or on a new thread. I've been thinking of you. Due to the time difference, I don't know if the church thing has happened yet. You're kids need you very much. If you think they'll be okay without you because of their ages, please think again. I have one who is 15, and one older than your oldest. They need you. They do. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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