praisefor3 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Remember: It was perhaps for such a time as this that you were called to be his Mama. I will be praying, but no one can stand in the gap and pray for him the way that you can. You were called for this moment. Don't give up on him. Don't stop praying for him. And don't stop doing the right thing. He needs that from you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenL Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug: to you and your family, Chris. We are praying. You are doing the right thing. Let God carry you through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma23peas Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 The pit in my stomach is not one tenth the one in yours right now!:grouphug: I am just one of those that sees turmoil and feels such a strong need to help...I know it probably won't help one iota...but here are some thoughts... Buy a card and write down your thoughts to him...he has heard it 1000s of times...but sometimes seeing it in print where he has to physically tear it up, he knows the hurt he has caused you but he does not 'care'...all those years you spent caring for him seeped into him, the drugs/actions he is taking now is clouding those...he needs tangible something to help blow away the fog of his actions. Is there a treatment center you trust? A pastor/clergy you trust? Anyone in your family that may be that objective loving kind of person who can speak straight to him without the build up of anxieties that exist b/w your family and him? Sometimes, there is so much history built up that what communication comes to a standstill... In that letter, mention key areas of his life that were JOYFUL, remember the time xyz...remember when we did this and you said this....we all laughed...remember when grandma did xyz...or the vacation where xyz...mention everything that you know he would agree on...forget the actions he has done now, he knows all too well...this letter is to show him that you love him, you will not tolerate his current actions (this can be said in ONE sentence not two paragraphs explaining why, he knows this already) and that you want the best for him...and don't even go into how much it is breaking your heart to see him throw his life away...just help him see anything at all positive worth working towards...they get into such a mess it's hard to pull themselves out... There was a young man (21) who I caught stealing from us..he had been terrorizing our neighborhood for 3 weeks, EVERY NIGHT!! My neighbors bought shot guns and shot at him on more than 5 occasions...it was awful...it was purely God having me out there at 5:45am (walking my dogs) to catch him...at my property fence I had a 30 minute talk with him...learned so much about his life..but he is exactly like your son..just without so much family trauma. His father was murdered by his uncle when he was three, his mother was an alcoholic who abandoned her 5 children under 6. He went from family to family, he's addicted to pot, he steals every night to support his 'posse' who just buy drugs with it. He has three children under 3 by two different women. He has been arrested 13 times...he was out on bond when I caught him..since then (Sept) he has been bonded out 2x and rearrested 2x, he's back in jail awaiting his trial. I bought a book for him entitled "Wild At Heart"..a WONDERFUL book that you might consider giving your son... But all this to say, that when I began asking if he wanted his children to have the life he had, tears welled up in his eyes...I told him I would support him if he just took this opportunity to change and make amends with those he stole from (just an apology/acknowledgment, we all knew our stuff was gone forever)...I prayed with him at that fence and the electricity that went through my body as we prayed was striking....somewhere in that soul is a boy who wants to do better but is caught up in a circle of friends who know only one thing, crime and self-satisfaction. It's vicious..I have no idea if he's been able to read the book, I only know what's going on with him b/c the fool posts everything on his facebook and it's all public...but that way I can pray more specifically for his needs. He wanted to change, he was crying out when the sheriff put him back in the patrol car...the sheriff actually had this young man's license in his floorboard from when he had arrested him 3 weeks prior! What are the odds of that! The sheriff told me he forgot it was in there and had not turned it in, I took it as a sign that God had a plan for this young man...I know he has one for your son... Just somehow get a letter to him pointing out reasons for him to live/change without telling him that's what you're doing..you're merely pointing out all the reasons you love him by sharing the better times. And that book is AMAZING as I said before. Hope this helps! I will be praying for him!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 oh your poor heart..... :grouphug: sometimes there are no good answers left, and we have to choose the least dreadful..... you are willing to fight for him rather than letting it all continue to unravel. that is strong and courageous and brave. and it hurts. you are giving him the chance he will not give himself. and protecting your dd. at this point, that may be just about all you can do. :grouphug: ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeindeed Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug: Praying for you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug: I cannot imagine the pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug: I can imagine your pain. Some people have to hit a very low point before they can begin to rebuild their lives. Prayers for your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpecialClassical Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 So very sorry to know it has come to such a heartbreak. I will pray. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smilesonly Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Praying!! I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeOnTheRanch Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 My aunt and uncle had to do the same thing to my cousin a few years ago. After he faced and dealt with his legal troubles he got a job and turned his life around. Only after a few years of him proving that he was making an effort has my aunt and uncle reestablished a relationship. Tough love is tough. Sometimes it is the only way. Praying for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Chris, I am so very sorry you are going through this. It is unimaginable. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KayT Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug: I am so sorry. I know this will be a tough road. Praying for your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stayseeliz Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 I will be praying. I think if my aunt and uncle had done this for my cousin things would have been very different for him. But they enabled him right up to the end. Tough love works. We will be praying!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherMayI Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellers Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 (edited) :grouphug: Stay strong! This sounds like what your son needs to get his life back on track. My mom had to do something similar with my brother. He repeatedly broke into her garage and stole her truck. He went to juvenile hall as a teen after getting busted with drugs at school. She left him there in hopes he would learn his lesson, but he didn't. She finally had enough of his drug'n, stealing, and pushy ways. After he turned 18 my brother became homeless but by the time he was about 22 he got his life on track. If my mom had not put her foot down, he would have ended up in prison or dead. As a parent, sometimes it's very hard to do the right thing. :grouphug: Edited February 5, 2012 by Shellers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 and know how many years you and your DH have prayed, struggled, hoped, feared, and just gone through it with this boy. Praying for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :iagree:I have felt that since I "met" you, in 2007. There is a saying "Always something new out of Africa" (hence the book "Out of Africa"). Well, I can truthfully adjust it to: always something new out of Chris. You impress me over and over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tress Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Chris, I'm praying for you, your son and your whole family. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilymax Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Sending prayers of peace and protection over ALL of you. I cannot imagine how difficult this is for a loving mother to do. I admire your strength--sometimes it is so hard to do the right thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose in BC Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Praying.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug: Sometimes tough love is the only option. I think it's harder on the parents than on the children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Chris, praying for your ds and your family...:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Chris, how horribly painful this must be. My mama's heart breaks for you, truly. Doing the right thing can be so incredibly difficult sometimes. Prayers for you, your husband, your daughter, and especially your son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug:Chris:grouphug: Many, many prayers, and I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
serene Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 There is a saying "Always something new out of Africa" (hence the book "Out of Africa"). Well, I can truthfully adjust it to: always something new out of Chris. You impress me over and over. :iagree: :grouphug:Chris:grouphug: praying for strength and wisdom for you & your family Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Chris, please listen to me. You have done all you can do for him. The best thing you can do now is to back away. My brother WAS your son. He worried my parents constantly. For many years he ruined my and my sister's lives. My parents did way too much for him, all the way until they died. It broke their hearts to watch him suffer consequences, so they bailed him out of each and every wrong doing. They enabled him to the point that it was crippling. In my very strong opinion, their constantly being there for him no matter what did more damage to him than his mental illness. And I feel the stress of everything he did severely impacted their health. My mom died at 67, my dad at 68. There were times they didn't know if he was alive or dead, and if one could die of a broken heart and worry, they would have. There were times they were afraid for their lives. They always worriedmabout him. The decades of this stress took a tremendous toll on their bodies and they both died very yOung. I strongly feel that if they had grown strong and made him suffer the consequences of his actions, it would have helped him. It would have allowed mynparents to live a more peaceful life. They were I,prisoner to him until the end. It did him no good, it destroyed them. When I say to the end, it was until the end of my dad's life, the end of my mom's functioning life before dementia. Your son is the only one who can help himself. Treatment won't help him if he's doing it for you. I can only imagine how hard it is to separate yourself emotionally, but p,ease be strong. Until and u less he wants to change, he never will. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry for all of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Praying :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cloversandlions Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 My heart just aches for you; I cannot imagine the anguish, but I admire your resolve and hope fervently that it will eventually lead your son to a "with arms wide open" homecoming. :grouphug: My neighbor's grandson needs someone like you. He stole from another neighbor, and has brought drugs (and drug dealers) into our previously peaceful and safe neighborhood. He is currently in jail awaiting a court date this week; he's 23, has been in prison twice already, has had multiple felony arrests just since this summer, repeatedly misses court dates and rehab meetings.... had he been given some tough love by now, perhaps he'd be on his way to being the kind of role model that his own 2-year old little son needs. Peace, courage, and strength to you, and when he's ready, to your son, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 So many :grouphug:s and prayers for you, your son and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 I'm so sorry, Chris. You are doing the right thing...as hard as it is. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 I'm so glad you haven't deleted because I am grateful to be able to pray for you. I'm so sorry. Your love for your son is obvious and I believe, with eyes of faith, that one day he will thank you. :grouphug: May God comfort your mother's heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaffodilDreams Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 My heart breaks for all of you. I've seen what this sort of life can do within my own circle of relatives, so you have my full empathy. It's so, so hard to watch people we love destroy themselves, and it's equally as hard to keep them from destroying the rest of the family. Wishing you all peace and healing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachaheart Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug: and many prayers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug: Praying, Chris. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juelle Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Praying for you all.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug:Praying for you!:grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denise in IN Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 I'm so sad for you, sad for your son. I will pray, and keep praying. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyagain Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 I'm so sorry. I've BTDT too. You have no choice, you are doing the right thing. :grouphug:'s and prayers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TN Mama Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug: My heart breaks for you, Chris. What you are doing takes such courage. I pray for continued strength and for peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Chris, I am praying. My heart aches for you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto3boys Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Praying for you...you're doing the right thing. Br strong and know that while it isn't easy it's what needs to be done. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 {{{Chris and hurting, confused, grieving family}}} Praying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luvnlattes Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug: :grouphug: and prayers for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: and prayers. My brother went through a rough patch and finally has settled down and is married with 2 kiddos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Praying for all of you, Chris, and especially praying that it doesn't get to the point that you have to call the police. My heart is breaking for all of you. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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