If you live near your parents...

[Laura Corin]

.... how often do you see them? Is this based on duty/need or pleasure? Poll to follow. I'm trying to work out what it would be like to have my mum living near me. It's a multiple-choice poll, in case you want to refer to more than one relative.

 

Laura

Edited August 18, 2011 by Laura Corin

[LibraryLover]

I see my parents a couple times a week.

 

My mother is a huge help to me. My dad is more needy. ;)

 

There are times I know I'm not up for mom. I don't argue with her and I ignore anything she says that doesn't make sense to me. By ignore I mean I simply don't comment. Lol

 

Works well!

[4kiddies]

I voted both other and weekly. Some weeks, especially during the summer it is much more than just once a week. In fact, my parents live 30 minutes away from me on a lake and I, my husband and kids have slept at their house every weekend for the past month. In the winter however, we probably only see them a few times a month because the weather isn't as nice so we don't take advantage of the lake amenities.

[Britomart]

I see my parents together once a week, and my mom alone once a week, and we run into each other now and again at other times (dropping stuff off at each other's homes, etc.). It's a pleasure.

[Hwin]

1-3x/week and it's almost always a pleasure.

 

It's a short drive home if it happens to be something other than a nice visit.

[Negin]

Voted other.

Pretty much daily - duty (sometimes) and pleasure (most of the time).

[Meriwether]

I would have voted "monthly it's a pleasure" but we live 7 hours away so we don't live close by. If I lived close by, it would be several times a week if not daily and it would be a pleasure. If we get a good transfer next year and are only 2 1/2 hours away, it will be biweekly and it's a pleasure.

[LidiyaDawn]

We don't currently live near our folks.. but when we did:

 

I saw my mother just about daily (she lived across the road) - if I didn't see her, we'd talk on the phone. We still talk frequently, although not every day, mainly because of time differences/coordination. I loved being able to see her all the time and miss that!

 

Dh's mother lived out of town a bit, so we saw her less often.. every couple of weeks… dh isn't a phone talker, so they didn't (and don't) chat anywhere near as much as my mother and I did.

[Impish]

If I lived near my parents...

 

I'd probably chew glass.

 

We're actually hoping to move to my home province. My criteria is, close enough for holiday visits, too far for drop in coffee. I couldn't hack it if I had to see them weekly.

 

We live across country from them, and I was absolutely shocked when they were in town for a wk. My mother behaved beautifully...but I don't think that would stand the test of us living within 'I'm just in the area, thought I'd stop in for a coffee' distance.

[jenn-]

I see my FIL weekly, sometimes more than once, and it is a pleasure. I see my parents every 2-3 weeks and it is a pleasure. I see my MIL every 2-3 weeks and well... she is normally taking my kids away so I guess it is a pleasure.

[elegantlion]

I voted weekly & monthly, it's a pleasure. My parents live nearby and it kind of goes in spurts. We'll see them once a week for a while, then it's 3-4 weeks. We do talk on a regular basis.

[Carrie12345]

I won't vote, since my mother no longer lives nearby.

 

When she did, I'd visit anywhere from several times a month to several times a week, depending on what was going on. Most of the time, it was for pleasure. Now and then, it was because my sisters would babysit ds#1.

 

When I wasn't actually sharing a roof with my family, I enjoyed spending as much time with them as my schedule would allow.

[Stacia]

A couple to many times a week.

 

Mostly it's pleasure :001_smile:; sometimes duty :tongue_smilie:....

[RahRah]

We live a mile from DH's parents - we see them about once a week - if we go on vacation or have something come up for the night we usually go over to visit, it waits until the next week or so.

 

We see my parents a few times a year - usually for a week or two at a time.....my parents came out when I had the baby in January, so that was for six weeks and a huge help!.....we always get together in October for a couple of weeks in FL and I'll go to NY a couple of times a year for a week to ten days.....they usually come out to visit for a week or two once or twice a year too.

Edited August 18, 2011 by RahRah

[Crissy]

I said weekly and that it is a pleasure.

There have been times that I am very busy at home but I have cleared my schedule to visit out of a sense of duty, but that is rare. I usually visit because I really want to be there.

[elinnea]

My parents live across the street from us. They both still work so I don't see them often during the week. My dad usually comes over for coffee on his days off and he helps with small repairs and mowing our lawn since my dh is gone alot. Overall we have a good relationship and I like living so close to them. People do assume that we have "free babysitting" though which is not true at all- my parents rarely watch the kids.

[Hoggirl]

My parents both died when I was 24 - before I was married.

 

Those of you with parents who live close by are very blessed. I know everyone's relationships are not good, but for those of you have wonderful, loving parents, enjoy them while you have them. Stepping off my soapbox now.

 

We see my in-laws about six times per year.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Well, my parents are no longer with us, but visiting was a pleasure. It was hard to schedule visits, but we tried for weekly or every other week. With FIL, visits are a pleasure. During the summer, we see him less often, but during the school year, he comes up every week so I can go to Bible Study. (I don't really need him to do this anymore, but he enjoys it and so do my kids.) My kids and I see him more than his own son does;). We try to get together monthly outside of the weekly visit.

[oneplustwoIdaho]

Other:

My parents- weekly to a few time a month, it is a pleasure. :001_smile:

Hubby's 2 sets- one is typically a pleasure for me, somewhat duty for him. Other has become duty only, trying for only once a month, but they *drop in* whenever they want (we live a half hour north of them and are on the way to nowhere they would go.:confused:)! Issues are way too many to get in to.

[Soror]

We live next to the in-laws. I probably see them 1-3 x a week for casual visits(might just be a couple minutes). My fil walks by the house almost daily for his walk so often we see him then. Dh goes down to help him when needed and he helps us when needed. He watches the kids about 3 x a month for a few to several hrs. Mil works so we don't see her as often. My parents live 45 min away and generally don't see them much although we are both working on changing that.

[Forget-Me-Not]

We actually live 3 doors away from my parents. We bought a house in their neighborhood on purpose. We don't see them everyday, but we do see them several times a week. It's a good situation.

 

My ILs live 20 min away in the town where DH works. We see them more on a monthly basis, though DH calls more frequently than that.

[Dandelion]

My mom lives in town and we see her 4-5 days a week. She moved here a week after DS was born in order to be close to her grandkids, and she watched DS/DD during the week when I was still working full-time. She still comes over most days to help with DD while I do lessons with DS (which is a HUGE help!). We enjoy each other's company for the most part, although we both have our moments. ;)

[The Girls' Mom]

We lived within 10 minutes of my inlaws for most of our marriage, and right next door for part of it. We saw them several times a week, and most of the time it was a pleasure. Not always though. (We get along very well, btw) The closest I've lived to MY family as an adult has been 3-4 hours away. Which is fine. It's often a sense of duty to visit and that was only 1-2 times a year. I only saw my step-dad and grandparents most of the time. My mother passed away shortly after I moved out. I've gone for years at a time without seeing my bio-dad, starting from when I was a kid, so it isn't that big of a deal to not visit him that often.

[MamaJo]

Though I don't see them weekly, it is on average probably every week. It is a pleasure. My parents and I get along very well. My mom babysits and helps me lead girlscouts. My Dad teaches the kids chess and woodworking. They both come to the kids special events. I wouldn't have it any other way.

[chepyl]

I try to get the kids over to their house once a week, sometimes they come to us, but they have the pool :) If we go a couple of weeks, we usually end up spending more time together the next time.

[reign]

I see my parents weekly and its a pleasure to see my mom. I usually talk to my mother daily. It's usually not awful seeing my dad but he is difficult to get along with.I see my inlaws every two weeks ish. My kids usually see them weekly. I would say it is a pleasure to see them every two weeks but weekly is too much.

[elise1mds]

I had to vote other. My dad lives less than 15 miles away, and I see him maybe six times per year. This is not because we have any sort of bad relationship - on the contrary, I think our relationship is quite comfortable - but it never occurs to either of us to get together more often than that. My mom lives an hour away, and I see her about half a dozen times a year as well and NEVER at the same time as my father, who refuses to be in the same room with her. Again, we have a decent relationship, but my sister and I were just not brought up to be particularly close to our parents. C'est la vie! :)

[ChristusG]

Not daily, but not just once a week either. Probably 2 or 3 times a week. But sometimes that's just for 10 minutes to drop something off. We do eat over there each Thursday night.

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

I voted daily, but it's "almost daily" .

More than weekly, not quite every single day.

My parents live one street away, so I walk the dog in front of their house every day. The dog wants to stop and say hello ;-)

[Mom23Boys]

I live next door to my in-laws and see them almost daily (only miss rare days or if one of us is out of town). It is always a pleasure.

 

I live about 3 miles from my mom and see her sporadically. Usually not more than 2xs a month. I am fine with that.

[Desert Rat]

I see my parents almost daily. They watch my boys in the afternoon while I work. Mostly, it's a pleasure. Now, my brother also lives with them. Talking to him is a duty most days.

[mcconnellboys]

We saw my parents more when we lived in Baton Rouge. I didn't know it at the time, but they liked to come down and socialize with my in-laws. They weren't really coming for us. They made it very clear when we moved so much closer to them (only about 3 hours away now) that they did not want us around all the time, or even some of the time. We had nothing of interest to offer them, apparently, without in-laws in tow.... So we rarely see them, perhaps once a year or maybe twice a year, for an overnight visit at most. Visits are generally only for a few hours....

[Jenny in Atl]

I see my folks weekly, and it's a mixed bag. They're having some issues with growing older, and it makes for stressful visits. I would not say that it's hard all the time, just sometimes.

[Lisa in the UP of MI]

We live 2.5 hours from my parents. We usually see my mom once or twice a month. My dad works full time so we see him less often maybe once a month or every other month. It's a little less during the snowy winter months when travel is more difficult. If we lived much closer we'd probably see them weekly or even more often. We love seeing them and they love seeing us.

[ereks mom]

I see my mom at least monthly, sometimes more frequently, and it's always a pleasure. She lives about an hour's drive from us. I wish it were closer because I love her. Dh agrees. She is one of those people that EVERYBODY loves. My kids adore her, and dh loves her too. Sometimes when he's driving through her town on business, they'll meet for lunch, just the two of them.

 

We see dh's parents less frequently, even though we live about the same distance from them as from my mom. They are wonderful people, and we like to visit them, but they are very busy; MIL is nearly 72yo and still works full time. FIL (nearly 74yo) is "retired", but he still works too. My mom is retired, and has more time.

[UnsinkableKristen]

I voted for my Mom & her husband and for my in-laws.

 

We see my in-laws weekly, sometimes more, and it's pleasure. During Football season we go there every Sunday for most of the day. We live in a big town, so it's enough of a hassle to get over there/here that no one just "drops by" but it's plenty close enough for a weekly visit.

 

We see my Mom & her husband about once a month, and they live 3 hours away. I enjoy this and it makes the visits a pleasure. If they lived closer we would see them much more and I could see it getting a little overwhelming, even though I would still call it a pleasure.

 

We don't see my Dad & his wife but once a year, because they live across the country.

[lisamarie]

I live down the street from my parents, my inlaws and my grandma. My other grandparents live 7 miles away. DH's grandpa lives 8 miles away.

 

We see my parents/inlaws/grandma almost daily. If a week goes by that we don't see each other due to busyness, it's strange. For the most part, living so close to family is a good thing. We have only ever run into problems with the inlaws who are no so good at keeping their opinions to themselves. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does, it's awful. We had such an encounter last month that has put a rift in the relationship--they like to criticize DH and stage "interventions" into our marriage which are unneeded and unappreciated. Where we used to see them almost daily, we have seen them only a few times since early July and only for a few minutes as one of them stopped by to pick DS up for a bike ride.

 

But as a whole, I am glad we decided to move so near our family. There is almost always someone available to babysit and to help in an emergency. When my DS had an asthma attack that we couldn't control, I dropped my girls off at grandmas and raced him to the clinic. When DS had an allergic reaction and needed his epipen, my FIL was over in seconds to assess DS and say yes, take him to the ER (FIL is a dr). When DD3 fell out of the van onto her head and got a concussion, my mom was right there to call the ambulance, my parents followed us in their car to lend support, and my MIL watched the other 2 for me.

 

Like any family, you have to take the good with the occasional blips of bad.

[Mama Geek]

I voted weekly and it's a duty, but that isn't quite how it is currently. We bought a place a couple of miles from my IL's and are currently working out of town. When we return I fully expect based on my dh that we will get together with them at least once a week. I could be around FIL daily, but MIL it would be better to see her once a year.

[dsmith]

I voted daily, but checked off both duty and pleasure. Now that she has lung cancer, I feel it is a duty to help her as much as I can. It is also a pleasure to see her, and I've enjoyed spending more time with her. I used to see her less frequently when my brother and his family lived with her, but tried to take her out as often as possible. Now we can sit at her house and enjoy the quiet.:001_smile: I also see my inlaws every day, as we share a house. That is a combination of duty and pleasure also. Some days I long for a home where I'm the head female though.:D

[KrissiK]

We see them once or twice a week. We get along great, my parents love seeing the kids.

[WiseOwlKnits]

I answered for my in-laws since we live close to them. We're very far from my family.

[Mom-ninja.]

Monthly. It's for pleasure with my dad....duty with my mother. Strictly duty with my in-laws for me.

[Outdoorsy Type]

I see parents weekly ( at least ) and in laws monthly. Both are a pleasure and wonderful to be around. :)

[Coffeemama]

I checked daily it's a pleasure....but some weeks it may only be two or three times if we're busy, and some of those visits are only 15 minutes just to say hi (some at their house some at mine).

[Grover]

We live very near my parents. We used to see them at least weekly until my kids got big enough for her policy of "Grandma's house, Grandma's rules" to become a problem, and also when DS asked me one day, "why doesn't Grandma like you, she's your mother isn't she, she has to." Now we try to see them once a month but if they're not home when we stop by it might be longer. I'd like to see my dad more often but it's definitely a duty to visit my mother. The in-laws we see at least once a week for dinner and often other times as well - it's a pleasure.

[Karen in CO]

I live with my mom about half the year (or more). We have breakfast, lunch and dinner together everyday. Plus, we have coffee together on the porch in the morning. I make dinner; she does the dishes. We've been working at this for a while.

[Laura in NC]

My parents come every Monday to hep with therapy and dr's appointments for our kids. It's a pleasurable visit usually and we go out to eat with them that night. My mom and I sometimes take the girls shopping and my dad will spend some time with ds8 working in the yard or playing. They love to go swimming at our neighborhood pool in the summer when they visit also.

 

We see my in-laws maybe once a month, usually birthdays and holidays.

 

Both sets of parents live in the same town, which is 1 hour away.

 

Laura in NC

[Jan in SC]

We see my parents several times a week. We live in the same neighborhood. They are very helpful! My dc could not participate in so many activities if my parents weren't willing to help us with driving. My dad always checks on our cars and things in the house. My mom offers to keep kids if one has an appointment. Our life would be very different without them. We get along very well, mostly because we are all very loud and opinionated. We are not a passive aggressive family!!

 

We see my Mil every other month, or so. She will come to see an activity that one of the dc has. She is very passive aggressive and while the boys adore her, and she loves them, it is usually an awkward visit. She doesn't tryst herself to make a decision and won't even answer a simple question on some visits.

 

My fil and his wife live pretty far away. We see them every few years, for a day or two. The boys are fascinated by them, but as we have never been invited to see them, we don't really have a relationship with them.

[Tarreymere]

I didn't vote, my parents are dead. I do have five adult children living within an hour's drive so I thought I would share how often I see THEM. Well, the one daughter whose children I am raising I see weekly. If I didn't have her kids I would not see her that often, maybe two or three times a year.

 

The others (all but one married with children), maybe once every three or four months. They come to my house. I don't invite them, but they do seem to turn up every so many months. Sometimes they want me to babysit, but I have four kids plus my two grandkids living here so they know that it had better be important.

 

We do talk on the phone more often. I do not do holiday dinners, one of my daughters seems to like doing that but we don't go (she is a hoarder and her house isn't one I would eat at).

 

I'm just really busy. And honestly I think they are irritated that I am not THAT grandmother who wants to have their kids all the time and do all kinds of things with their kids and babysit their kids all the time. Well, I have my own 15, 12, 8, and 4 year old at home, and my 3 year old grandson and 11 month old granddaughter. I have had one daughter offer to drop off her kids so my lonely homeschoolers could have some socialization, nice try!

Edited August 18, 2011 by Rainefox

[Sasharowan]

I voted weekly. I see my mom 2-3 times a week and talk to her daily. I see my dad every 2-3 weeks. His work schedule does not match well with ours. It's a pleasure to see my mom and dad.

 

We saw his mom daily or every other day when we lived near her. But she is several states away now.