What do you do when you are approached in a parking lot by someone asking of rmoney?

[lynn]

It's always the same ran out of gas 100 miles from home, grandma died, can't get home.... I was caught off guard yesterday and quickly gave the man some money so he'd go away. What do you do when you are approached, off guard like that?

[Jennifer in MI]

Well, I don't carry cash. So, I answer honestly. But, I did start carrying small bags of chips and water in my car. So, if someone were hungry, I could offer some food. I absolutely refuse to give money. My dh is a pastor in downtown Detroit. MOST of the people who come in are con artists with wonderful stories. "My grandmother is dying in ______town and I need money for a ticket." Dh offers bus tokens to ______town and the person gets angry! They really just wanted the money.

 

The people who REALLY need food will accept food. Those who REALLY need a ride will accept a ride. I won't give money.

Edited March 13, 2010 by Jennifer in MI

[ktog29]

I have a friend who carries gift cards with small amounts on them - $5 or so - for restaurants (McDonalds, etc.). This way she can give something without financing possibly questionable activities.

[BakersDozen]

We gave the woman money then followed her to her house, knocked on the door and asked why she told us she lived in Iowa. She slammed the door in our face. So now we politely say "No" and keep walking.

[nukeswife]

I usually just say "Sorry, don't have any" and get in my car ASAP and lock the doors.

 

I was recently approached by a lady in Target with some sob story about how she returned things but they wouldn't give her cash only a gift card, and she had to get home to NC, yada, yada, yada, would I stand in line with her and then let her use the gift card to pay and I could then give her the cash.

 

I told her I'm sorry I have a lot more shopping to do and that I don't carry cash with me. I just got a really weird vibe from her. Now granted she didn't want me to just hand over the money for the gift card, but there were just some heeby jeebies coming from her so I made sure we wandered around the store a lot more. I really didn't need anything else when she approached me but something told me to stay in the store until I saw her leave.

She eventually did and there were some pretty sorted looking guys waiting for her near the door.

[Sonshine]

Say No in a firm but not hostile voice. One man accused me of racism once - he approached me while I was putting my young children in the car. I would have said no anyway, but when a stranger approaches me with the possible ability to take my car keys and drive away with my children - of course I am not going to welcome his presence. We live in a big city and it happens often. There are several shelters here that they can go to if they are sincere about getting help. Our church has helped with one substantially.

[myfunnybunch]

I just say politely, "No, I don't. Sorry." And I keep walking. Usually these folks approach so many people that they are accustomed to hearing "No."

 

Cat

[3boysmama]

I usually don't have cash on me, so I can answer honestly. BUt I always hate being approached like that.

[KrissiK]

I just say, "No, I'm sorry!" We give to the local Rescue Mission, so I feel we're doing our part to help the homeless and the hungry. People who are panhandling, who knows what they'll really use the $$ for.

[kmacnchs]

My dh stops for people on the road, gives money, etc. (when he is by himself - doesn't want to put anyone in danger). One day, we were at a restaurant by his work (that is on the HWY) and a lady said she needed gas $$ b/c someone was in the hospital one state over, etc. I figured he would give her $$ but when he didn't, I asked him about it and he said she was there at lunchtime with a different story...funny but sad...

[joannqn]

I say no and keep on walking. I saw the same guy at the grocery store three days in a row asking for money to catch the bus to a nearby city. I'm sure he was able to find the $1.10 it takes the catch the bus on the first day.

[Daisy]

I get this practically every day. Doesn't matter if I'm in the middle of the grocery store or in the library parking lot. I just say, "Sorry, no." I've been asked by the same guy for bus and gas money a bajillion times.

 

I'll add that our family has no problem helping people who are genuinely in need, but I let hubby deal with it. I'm not going to give rides, money, even conversation out when I'm by myself and with the kids.

Edited March 14, 2010 by Daisy

[*********]

Well, I don't carry cash. So, I answer honestly. But, I did start carrying small bags of chips and water in my car. So, if someone were hungry, I could offer some food. I absolutely refuse to give money. My dh is a pastor in downtown Detroit. MOST of the people who come in are con artists with wonderful stories. "My grandmother is dying in ______town and I need money for a ticket." Dh offers bus tokens to ______town and the person gets angry! They really just wanted the money.

 

The people who REALLY need food will accept food. Those who REALLY need a ride will accept a ride. I won't give money.

 

Jennifer's right. Dh and I do homeless ministry in Downtown Detroit. If someone is asking for money for food, and you offer them food, and they get angry, it's because duh, they didn't really want food. But if they really are hungry, they will take it. We don't usually give out money. There are some special circumstances in which we have, but it's rare, and it's only when we know someone well. Usually we just make sure we have food on us that we can hand out. That helps a lot. We'll be downtown, passing out tracts, talking to people, and have a homeless man come up to us and say 'hey, can you give me some money, I haven't eaten all day and I want to go get some food'. Well, we hand him a bag with a sandwich, a bottle of water, some chips, and a granola bar in it. Then he will do one of two things. He will either get mad and say 'Man, I don't want your food', and storm off, or he will take it and be thankful.

 

Happens all the time. :)

[secular_mom]

I ignore strangers who talk to me in parking lots. It's really not a safe place to have a conversation with anyone, and it's definitely not the place to meet new people. But I've been approached too many times in parking lots, by young men trying to sell me things. Once you engage with them they become much more persistent/insistent. I simply pretend that I don't hear them, or that I don't realize they are talking to me. If they block my path to get my attention I scold them and tell them to bug off. Seriously, I have a family of my own with our own very real needs (that I KNOW I'm not making up) and if someone goes too far (stalks me through the lot, steps in front of me, approaches me while I'm loading my vehicle, even once a guy stepped in front of my vehicle to get my attention) then I tell them I have no money for them while I continue on my way. I don't owe them anything, they have infringed upon me enough, I refuse to converse with them. If someone has a real problem there are charities they can contact for help.

[Rosie_0801]

I look at them, surprised, and say "Sorry! I'm on social security myself!" Most just walk away. One time I said "sorry, I'm a student" and the guy apologised for asking! Everyone knows students are impoverished :lol:

 

Rosie

[Starr]

Give cash if you feel threatened. Most of the stories are the same and they aren't real. If you hang around the rest stop long enough you will see the guys the "poor women" is working with. Food is a good thing.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I get this practically every day. Doesn't matter if I'm in the middle of the grocery store or in the library parking lot. I just say, "Sorry, no." I've been asked by the same guy for bus and gas money a bajillion times.

 

I'll add that our family has no problem helping people who are genuinely in need, but I let hubby deal with it. I'm not going to give rides, money, even conversation out when I'm by myself and with the kids.

 

:iagree:

[mcconnellboys]

I try not to be approached off guard. I try to look around, making a broad sweep, of the area surrounding my car (or the building, whichever way I'm walking). If I see a person hanging out, I try to be prepared to be proactive. I always have my keys out and in my hand as I walk toward my car. My reply would be, "I'm sorry, but I don't rummage in my purse in parking lots and I don't believe you should be roaming the lot asking for money. I will gladly call someone who can offer assistance to you if you'd like me to do that. Do you want me to do that?"

 

If going to the building, I would ask for management and report this upon entering. If going to my car, I would pull up to the door, turn off and lock the car, and go back inside and ask for a manager to report the incident and help protect others.

 

I would call law enforcement to report the incident and so they could see if the person truly needs help.

 

If in my own town, I have numbers I can call for people associated with the church who can provide help if someone is truly in need and not just panhandling.

[MomtoCandJ]

I just call the cops, I work at a gas station and people constantly are out there begging people for money. We are not even close to the express way or anything they are all locals that are doing the begging and they know where to get help.

[JFSinIL]

"May I call a police officer for you?"

[5knights3maidens]

My dd and I were approached in the grocery store parking lot around Christmas time. The lady came up insisting that she ran out of gas. She seemed really "weird". Well, while we were still putting stuff in the car, we watched her asked someone else and then she turned around and came back to us. I said no and she left. She got into a truck (with a man in it) and drove away!!!!! Thank goodness I didn't give her anything. She drove around the parking lot and pulled up to another car, got out and talked to them for a minute. I followed her to the traffic lot and she took off very fast. She was definitely a scammer.

[Old Dominion Heather]

If I have any money, I just give them a few dollars. It is a very rare thing around here, otherwise I might not.

[Catherine]

All those stories, in many cultures, of God coming to us disguised as a beggar, swayed me to be more generous than I used to be. I once refused to give money to a woman who was begging, in front of my son, and right away I thought to myself that I didn't want him to see me refusing help to another who is in need. Just half an hour later I saw her again and "got another chance"-I gave her something. In the end, I couldn't live with myself if I refused help to someone who was standing right next to me asking for it. So, I always give.

[littlebug42]

I don't usually have it but if I do, I give it. Just as an FYI-- at least around here, you can also trade gift cards for drugs. I used to manage low income apartments and I had residents that would call around to the local churches to get help with food, obtain a gift card and proceed to trade it for drugs.

[elegantlion]

It depends. If I'm by myself, no I'm not stopping to dig in my purse, plus I just don't carry much cash. We had a family approach us once, dh and ds were with me. He had pictures of a burned house, was hobbling on crutches and dh gave him some money. We'd heard about the house on the news, so we knew he was legit.

 

I've also stopped before for someone who was holding a "will work for food" sign. They are rare around here. I asked some questions and he was a carpenter from out of state that ran out of work. My dh is a carpenter so I gave the guy $10.00 and my dh's business card. He did call dh but by the time he could use him the guy had another job.

Edited March 14, 2010 by elegantlion

[Tap]

I don't give out money to panhandlers. In our area we see several each day. My kids are often the first to point out that they often have iPods, manicured nails, sculpted hair or are way too clean to be living on the streets. I do give to random people who I am moved to help. I have no problem covering a grocery bill for someone who doesn't have the right amount of money, donate food for a drive, buy a lunch for someone on a budget or give cash to a reputable organization.

[justamouse]

I don't know? It's a case by case thing and what I feel from the person. I'm also not in an area where this happens frequently, I think I would react differently if it were a daily occurrence.

 

You know, I was watching CNN last night where Anderson Cooper was doing an interview with....cripes, I can't remember the town. But there were a lot of gangs, and there was a priest who helped many of the gangbangers leave the gang. Anderson at one time had asked him if he ever felt he was taken advantage of and the priest answered that he gave his advantage away. That when you come from a position/belief of abundance, you give your advantage away. I thought that was a soul searing answer.

Edited March 14, 2010 by justamouse

[Tree House Academy]

I was approached in a parking lot in Knoxville while my mom was in the hospital. The person that approached me was a large, "rough" looking woman. She said she needed $5 to finish paying for her pizza. My son was with me and he got out of the car and walked around to see what was going on. If he hadn't, I would have said "no" and driven away. Because he chose that moment to be nosey, I gave her the money. I got in the car and locked the door only to see her run the other way from the pizza place and get in the car with a man who was holding a gun visible in the window. I really wonder if they had intended to rob me and were just setting me up. Luckily, my son was nosey, because I would bet it was his presence that kept them from doing whatever they had planned to do in the first place. Scary!

[cougarmom4]

I never give money, but if I'm just leaving the grocery store, I have given out food & water bottles before. I do want to teach my children to be generous and look for ways to help others, so we actively seek for ways to do so as a family in other ways.

 

I live in the area where Elizabeth Smart (remember that? 7-8 years ago?) was abducted...by a guy her kind-hearted father had hired to do some work since he was homeless. It makes me less inclined to help in that type of way, that's certain.

 

I know every situation is different...and that's what makes it difficult. I think you've just got to follow your heart. If you feel uncomfortable in any way, just get the heck away. On the other hand, if someone is truly in need, I'd think you'd sense it.

[StephanieZ]

If I feel afraid, I don't interact at all and get away as quickly as possible. That would be the case if I were approached in a parking lot, for sure. That would scare me.

 

If I don't feel afraid. . . I usually try to give sth. I love food, but usually don't have it on hand. Sometimes I happen to have a new box of snacks in the car, and then I can offer that. One time, there was a lady begging for food/$ at the off ramp coming home. . . I grabbed a sack of spare easy to prepare groceries from the stockpike. . . and the kids & I dropped it off on our way back to town a bit later that day, along with $10 cash.

 

Fortunately, I come across beggars just occasionally in our community. If I lived somewhere where it was a daily occurence, I'd have to be stingier. Here, typically it's old women or men . . . 50s - 60s. . . who are begging. . . not 20sth men (or women) who are more frightening to me. These old folks. . . it kills me to see them begging. It may be alcohol or drugs that leads them to this. . . but, so?? they are still in need. . . for a fix, or a drink, or a meal. . . or gas $$ to go visit their kid. . . but $$ will help them survive the day w/o stealing. . . I guess I figure if it is so bad that this old guy needs to beg, then I'd just as soon give him $20 so he can be done for the day and go have some respite of whatever sort it is he can find. . .

 

I do feel thankful that I can be generous since it really only happens a few times a year that I am in the place and time to help someone like that. Most of the poor are too proud, or too lazy, to beg around here.

[Twinmom]

I don't engage and I turn and get lost as quickly as possible. When I was in college, a young guy approached me in a parking lot asking for money. I truthfully didn't have any and said so. He followed me to my car, blocked my door open, pulled a knife on me and tried to force his way into the car. I think he wasn't as determined as he appeared, since after a few kicks he disappeared. I think he wanted my purse and realized quickly that I wasn't going to give up without a fight, so he moved on to an easier target. Little did he know that he'd picked someone who'd just completed a self-defense class! : )

 

Now, 20+ years later, I still remember that young man and refuse to talk to people in parking lots, roll down my window when people approach my car (you know those guys collecting at stop lights?), etc. I'll give to someone who doesn't ask, like the homeless lady sleeping on the park bench, etc., but 99% of the time give only to charitable organizations or to personal friends in need.

[jujsky]

I usually just say "Sorry, don't have any" and get in my car ASAP and lock the doors.

 

 

 

That's what I do too.

[emeraldjoy]

I give them something; unless there is a clear, clear direction not to.

I am not nieve and realize that most of them are mentally ill/substance addicted folks that probably are not telling the truth. I don't care though.

It is not my place to judge them, thank goodness.

I also look at them in their eyes and smile, even if I can't help.

e

[Pajama Mama]

I remember when I was a poor college student at Temple University. Temple is in a bad part of Philly. I was approached quite a bit for money. One time this young women asked me for money to buy her baby diapers. I felt badly for her but had no cash. I told her to meet me the next morning and I would bring her the diapers. I traveled by bus the next day with a large package of diapers. I waited on campus but she never showed. I spent the whole day carrying my books and a large package of diapers. I felt really stupid of course. When I got home I gave the diapers to a friend. It helped my friend out but soured me a little on helping others on the street.

 

I will help out those I know who are in need or give to a charity. I'll give someone a dollar if they are short at the grocery store or even buy lunch for someone behind me at the drive thru. But I've been burned several times by strangers on the street. Offering lunch and having the person be offended, the diaper incident and more. I had my wallet lifted once by a child in a grocery parking lot. I was talking to the mom and her little kids after grocery shopping. The one child kept hugging me which I felt was weird at the time. I got home and realize that the 7-8 yr old stole my wallet. Luckily I had my cash in my pocket.

 

It aggravates me that I'm a little jaded by strangers but I can't help that, I guess.

[KidsHappen]

I tell them the same thing I tell my kids, "Sorry, I don't carry cash." We have been known to buy Mcdonalds for certain people that we know hang out in certain places. I do like the idea of having some small denomination gift cards available but to tell you the truth we rarely get approached where we live.

[Carmen_and_Company]

I did not read any of the responses, but I state in a kind voice, " I sorry, but I don't have any" and get into my car. I'm rarely ever approached for money as it's just not something that occurs in the areas I shop. But, when I shop in the city, I do get approached every blue moon.

 

I may not get approached often, as I don't carry a purse.

[Natalieclare]

I have never been approached in a parking lot, thank goodness--that sounds intimidating. Around here, there is a person at every off ramp with a "Needs Help" sign. Sometimes I give, sometimes I don't. Mostly don't. Water bottles and snacks I'll offer if I have them available. I've never had anyone get angry at me for offering those things.

 

I can't help but hear verses in my head when I see people begging: In as much as you've done to the least of my brethren...Give to all who ask...The poor you will always have with you...and so forth... Even though I know that there are scammers, I still feel bad not giving.

 

The other day, I was the first car at the end of the off ramp waiting for a light to change. I saw a man with his sign. I tried to ignore him, but I just couldn't. So at the last minute, right after my light changed, I handed him a few dollars through my window. As I drove off, my 3 year old said, "Good job, Mommy! Good job!" I have no idea why he said that...How did he even notice what was going on? We've never discussed the issue or anything. I think I even try to avoid giving when the kids are in the car. But obviously something must have been working away at his little soul, too.

[Chris in VA]

Well, my husband keeps gift cards to various restaurants handy in his car. He doesn't give $ unless he can verify someone needs rent, car repair, etc. He's a minister, too, so he's used to people asking.

 

But that's sorta different from people in parking lots--I don't usually give $. My son has been that person, asking for $--it's kinda hard to know what to do, but I guarantee you that most will use it for drugs/alchohol, and not to "catch a bus to work."

[Homemaker]

Thankfully it isn't our job to worry about what they do with the money. I will have to answer someday if I was a generous person who gave, yes even to pan handlers and beggars, and they will have to answer for how they used they money they were given. My husband has always been a great example of giving to me, he always gives without question. Also, I keep Hebrews 13:2 in mind "Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it."

[lllll]

I try not to even make eye contact with them if I see them coming. If that fails, I just shake my head (for no) and keep walking. They usually move on to the next person rapidly - before I've even finished shaking my head.

 

We have these 'Travellers' come through our area starting every spring. They have a large community near where I grew up in SC. They fan out in the spring and work their way up north, conning all the suckers they can in the process. Then, in the fall, they come back through, working their way back home to the south, doing the same. My friend and I once drove through one of the subdivisions these people live in. They live in big, nice, new houses with big SUV's and new cars parked outside. Very upper middle class. Nothing poor about them. They're con artists, pure and simple. One of the major networks once did a segment on them years ago. (I heard once that some them even homeschool. I guess I could see how it would enable more flexibility for their lifestyle.)

 

Also, we've been accosted a few times when in DC. A lot of those guys are just plain dangerous. Once when it was getting close to dusk and we were heading back to our car which we had had to park far away from the touristy area, we were approached by a young male. He came up from behind us and started to talk to me - until he saw dh in front of us. (dh looks much more 'approachable' than I do :tongue_smilie:) He zeroed in on dh and began harrassing him and demanding money. I saw what was happening and stepped up my pace. He glanced back at me and made eye contact. I narrowed my eyes and gave him a look that said, 'Yeah. I see you.' Simultaneously, dc and I started closing in on dh and him at the same time, pretty much surrounding them. He took off running.

 

Another time in DC, there was a whole string of them sitting on the sidewalk in front of a building in a busy area. They were begging for money and one of them began spouting something vulgar. I glanced at him just long enough to 'warn' him, and then told dc to speed up. I'm pretty sure that guy was mentally ill. But I still didn't want to stand there and listen to his obscene language, or expose dc to it.

 

I've found, as a female, it's important to assume a certain stance and look when approached - for safety, if nothing else. It's as if they can smell a mark a mile away, based on facial expressions or body language. I also teach all our dc - ds's as well as dd's - the same. I consider it a 'life skill'.

Edited March 14, 2010 by ksva

[Parrothead]

I've never had this happen to me. I can't say what I'd do.

[mommyrooch]

Thankfully it isn't our job to worry about what they do with the money. I will have to answer someday if I was a generous person who gave, yes even to pan handlers and beggars, and they will have to answer for how they used they money they were given. My husband has always been a great example of giving to me, he always gives without question. Also, I keep Hebrews 13:2 in mind "Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it."

 

:iagree: This is my philosophy too. It isn't up to me to judge. God will look into my heart someday and know my reasons for giving. It would be a shame if someone I helped used my money to buy drugs or something but regardless of what they do with the money God (and my children) will know that I helped them. I will be judged by my actions, not theirs. They will have to answer to God someday if they choose to squander the money. I will have to answer someday for not helping.

 

If I do not know with 100% certainty that someone is scamming (which is almost impossible) because most of the time we really don't "know" I err on the side of kindness and give. When in doubt, help out!! That is my philosophy. :D

[stripe]

I do different things. As an example, I once gave money to a woman waiting at a bus stop in the evening who said she needed the fare; I felt sorry for her and hoped if I were ever stranded, someone would help me. She did get on the bus.

 

It's homeless children who seem to be on their own who make me sad. I try to help them in some way.

 

Even if I can't or don't want to give someone money, I hate to humiliate them so I try not to be angry or make rude comments.

[Hannah]

It's homeless children who seem to be on their own who make me sad. I try to help them in some way.

 

In our area the street children beg in organised gangs run by adults. The charity organisations have put up posters and run ads in the newspaper to specifically request that people not give the children money and to limit the amount of food they offer. After a grocery shop, I'll usually offer a piece of fruit.

 

The aid workers go around regularly to invite the children to shelters and most know where to go as they do use the services when it is cold. But they don't like the rules and the anti-drug policies (most are addicted to glue sniffing) so often leave again. We choose to donate directly to the local charity organisations who we know are helping the children.

 

Even if I can't or don't want to give someone money, I hate to humiliate them so I try not to be angry or make rude comments.

I agree. Everyone has a right to be treated with dignity and respect. When someone persists, I'm quite firm, but I always try to be polite.

 

We have "car guards" at every parking lot. These people watch that cars are not stolen out of the lot and rely on donations for an income. I usually try to give them some money as they are at least trying to earn an honest living.

 

I also support informal traders where possible for the same reason.

[Laurie4b]

I have a friend who carries gift cards with small amounts on them - $5 or so - for restaurants (McDonalds, etc.). This way she can give something without financing possibly questionable activities.

 

The problem with that is that they are easy for the person to sell for the cash to finance whatever they want to finance. Sad but true.

[Laurie4b]

Typically I respond with "Sorry, I don't do that," avert eye contact, and keep walking. Two reasons: 1) if it's a male, I don't want to get close enough to give him $$ in case it's a "shark bump" (a lot of predators will initiate some kind of contact with a potential target to test the target--like a shark tests a potential meal by bumping it sometimes) and 2) it's rare that giving $$ in this situation is helpful. I prefer to give to the rescue mission or an organization that gives real longer term help.

[Scarlett]

I don't give money to strangers. In our area, I've never been approached in a parking lot, but they are regularly at off ramps and standing at the entrance of WM parking lots. I know many countries are different, but I do not believe that in THIS country at THIS time anyone HAS to beg. I have limited extra money for charity and I have personal knowledge of people with problems that I know are not conjured up for a scam.

 

I would never be rude though. I agree every one deserves to be treated with respect.

 

There are situations where I can see helping a stranger. One time when I was a kid my mom was in the tire store in our small town buying tires. A young couple was there. She was about 8 months pregnant. It was literally about 95 degrees in Arkansas heat. They had a dog too. Anyway, their car was loaded and they were headed across country to somewhere. Mom overheard the man talking to the repair guy and apparently something was wrong with their car that was going to take HOURS to fix. My mom took that young pregnant woman home with us and she stayed in our (relatively) cool house all afternoon. We gave her ice tea and ate a watermelon. Still makes me smile to think my mom was so kind to those strangers.

[Mejane]

I would have to ask if they took plastic since that's all I carry. Of course, with my luck they'd say yes. :D

[eternalknot]

If I have it, I give.

 

If I don't have it, I say as much.

 

I can't control anyone's actions save my own. It's on him to do right by my generosity; it's up to me to do right by someone who says he's in need.

 

Just have to do what feels right to each of us. When in doubt, I go with my gut or heart over my mind.

[Slartibartfast]

I don't carry cash and I tell them so.

 

I live in a big city and that sort of thing is pretty common.

 

I do make sure dd is given an example of us giving in other ways but I won't give money to people on the street. Those people probably make more than I do.

 

If someone's house burned wouldn't they be given help by Red Cross?? That sounds like they are taking advantage of someone else's situation.

Edited March 14, 2010 by Sis