Family experience with mental illness poll

[Rosie_0801]

Hiya People,

 

This should be an anonymous poll and I will freak right out and delete it if it isn't, ok?

 

 

Someone mentioned feeling ashamed of being known to have mental illness in her household and I reckon most of us here have enough experience not to be playing Judgey McJudgerson on this particular topic!

 

Go ahead and prove me right.  :tongue_smilie:

 

 

Edit: I assume anyone *with* mental illness will pick the first option. If you don't count as your own family, who does? !!

[maize]

Oh my yes!

 

And no more ashamed of it than of having people know there are folks with hearing loss in the family.

[umsami]

So growing up, there was mental illness in my family but as far as I know, it was undiagnosed and untreated.

 

Since getting married, I've dealt with a lot more.... more than I'd like, to be honest.  It is very frustrating to deal with people who need treatment, desperately, and won't seek it.  It's very frustrating to want to find treatment for family members, and be unable to find a good, affordable mental health care provider.  

[Garga]

I have not dealt with it directly, but am 100% sympathetic to all involved. I was raised to think mental health was a matter of strength of character and that idea bothered me when I was a child and infuriates me now. It's not about character.

[Guest]

The Star Trek gen feels mental health must be managed...Troi changed the whole perception.

[unsinkable]

Yes, immediate family, extended family and myself.

 

I once posted something about my own destructive behavior after my parents died and some people here were real a$$holes about it. I was ashamed about my behavior back then, and there is a part of me that regrets posting about it.

 

But a bigger part of me hopes that (stupid trite expression alert) that my situation might have helped someone.

[Ravin]

All over the place. So much yes.

[Pegs]

Many of us err on the psychotic side of sanity, over here.

 

Thanks for the poll, Rosie.

[LMD]

Yes. Biggest one was growing up with a violent, bipolar stepfather and all the fallout from that.

Anxiety disorders run in dh's family.

[SKL]

Depending on how you define "family," we have tons of issues from diagnosed / medicated to "I think I have a problem but I'm afraid to find out."  And that's not including kids too young to really know for sure.

[rebbyribs]

I'm fortunate not to have had experience with mental illness in my household, but we have a strong family history of mental illness (suicide and and alcoholism on my father's side, suicide and schizophrenia on my husband's mother's side.)

[swimmermom3]

I have not dealt with it directly, but am 100% sympathetic to all involved. I was raised to think mental health was a matter of strength of character and that idea bothered me when I was a child and infuriates me now. It's not about character.

 

There are a significant number of people out there that still believe that and are more than happy to share that sentiment with those that are in the middle of the struggle.  That is often where the shame comes from. 

 

"If I were a better parent..."

 

"If I were a better spouse..."

[swimmermom3]

You all know that I am not "liking" your posts because of your experiences with mental illness, but because you are sharing and letting others here know that they are not alone, right? :tongue_smilie:

 

I am another, "Heck, yes."

[emmaluv+2more]

Yes. Depression, anxiety, possibly bipolar or personality disorder on my side and exH's. Never realized any of it until I was an adult. No shame here, but probably quite a bit on the ex's side.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Important poll. Thanks, Rosie.

Edited April 18, 2017 by Tibbie Dunbar

[lavender's green]

Yes, lots of it, going far back on both sides of the family. A fair bit in this generation too, so mental health is a top priority for me. A lot of it wasn't really talked about in the past, much less diagnosed. Occasionally, when pressed (as in, someone has been committed to a psych ward and really, really needs an honest family history), people will mention that weird great-aunt who buried all her pots and pans in the front yard, or things like that. My own grandma thought my grandpa was trying to kill her. My dad was sitting  with her in the hospital and watched her heart monitor spike every time grandpa entered the room, and go back down as soon as he left. And they had such a sweet, long, loving, happy marriage.

[Chrysalis Academy]

If we're including chemically induced mental illness, then oh, boy, yes.  And dementia.  Maybe even chemically-induced dementia? 

 

And in general, just chemically-induced assholeness. I'm dealing with a bunch of that as we speak. It's a horrible thing to watch the people who raised you destroy their minds and bodies.. And their relationships. 

 

But they aren't going to destroy their grandchildren. They aren't even getting close.   :boxing_smiley:

[Rosie_0801]

I wasn't sure what to vote because I think it depends on what is defined as "mental illness."  For example, some people would consider Autism  a mental illness and my DD6 recently received her diagnosis.  Others tend to consider the term "mental illness" to mean very serious chronic disorders where people may not always be lucid or safe (to themselves or others.)  On that end, I am not biologically related to anyone who falls there, though an aunt married, and then divorced a man who became a criminally insane murderer...but that happened before I was born. 

 

My grandmother, who passed several years ago, was called "crazy" by a lot of people, but she was never diagnosed with anything and I don't know that she was "crazy" enough to actually qualify for a diagnosis.  I always thought she was kinda weird, but she was never mean, nasty, unable to handle her affairs, etc etc. 

 

I wouldn't call autism a mental illness myself, but it does add that "walk a mile in my shoes, Judgey McJudgerson" element to life.

[jewellsmommy]

Yes. I had issues with depression starting at about 12/13. I did therapy and an antidepressant. I came off it in young adulthood and was fine until I had postpartum issues that were more anxiety related. 

 

I am struggling with anxiety right now. 

 

My mother has depression and anxiety problems. My brother and sil as well.

 

My dh's deceased grandmother had paranoid-schizophrenia, and we became her guardians at one point.

 

My dh is doing neurofeedback to help with some trauma and undiagnosed issues .

 

But, by far, my biggest excursion into this realm has been with ds. He has multiple diagnoses including disinhibited Reactive Attachment Disorder, mood disorders, and severe ADHD.

[maize]

I wouldn't call autism a mental illness myself, but it does add that "walk a mile in my shoes, Judgey McJudgerson" element to life.

And autism is very often comorbid with anxiety, which is certainly within the realm of mental illness. Not all mental illnesses are of the extremely serious sort pp referenced. A person who has had an occasional panic attack or experienced a bout with post partum depression has been affected by mental illness.

[HTRMom]

In the immediate family only I have dealt with bipolar disorder, depression of various kinds, OCD, anxiety, panic attacks, attempted suicide, eating disorders, alcoholism... but my family is really quite functional despite all that.

[Crimson Wife]

Autism is a neurological disorder that has to do with how the brain is hard-wired as opposed to a biochemical imbalance. I actually wish it were a mental illness because then it might actually be treatable with medication. I wish there was some pill I could give my daughter to treat her autism.

 

Antipsychotics like risperidone can sometimes be helpful in those with autism but only in a subset with certain symptoms.

[Rosie_0801]

And autism is very often comorbid with anxiety, which is certainly within the realm of mental illness. Not all mental illnesses are of the extremely serious sort pp referenced. A person who has had an occasional panic attack or experienced a bout with post partum depression has been affected by mental illness.

 

The way I've seen kids with autism get treated at times is enough to give anyone anxiety issues.

[maize]

The way I've seen kids with autism get treated at times is enough to give anyone anxiety issues.

:(

 

This goes for many disabilities.

 

Including mental health impairments.

 

I wish, oh I wish, we could all extend a lot more grace and non-judgmentalism to one another.

[TravelingChris]

Yes, in both my dh;s family which included a failed suicide but with very serious consequences, alcoholism, depression, paranoid personality, whatever my MIL had which I don't know what it is but probably a personality disorder of some variety, and mine which included a manic depressive, severe OCD, generalized anxiety, and depression. But in my immediate family, everyone is managing well at this point which is a true blessing. Oh and we are all ADHD to varying degrees from mild to severe and I don't consider that a mental illness but a variant in the population as I do with dyslexia.  Both of those conditions have negatives as well as positives so I don't see them as the same things.

[TABmom]

Bipolar, anxiety, depression all are in my immediate family and my family of origin. It's obviously genetic and it's on both sides of my family. Poor dh. I did tell him before we got engaged.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I have a close family member who is bipolar, unmedicated (other than self-medicated), never-married, in his 60s, and I can totally relate to everything the Anon-OP has described, except I'm not married to the guy.  He goes through some very dark times, filled with self doubt and paranoia.  He is intolerable during those times.  He can also be the most caring, funny, engaged, life-of-the-party, conquer the world, bend-over-backwards charmer.  What's tough is that we never know what we're gonna get.

[Heatherwith4]

Yes, in both mine and DH's family of origin. I talked one of my close family members out of suicide as a teenager. In my current home, I'm the one with mental illness. (anxiety, OCD)

[fairfarmhand]

Yes. Grandparent committed to psych hospital, cousin the same. Anti depressants all over the place. And a lot of people who should be on them.

[SparklyUnicorn]

way more than is fair...not that life is fair

I'm not ashamed, but I understand the stigma.  Definitely.... Which is why I talk openly about it.  I hope to make others feel less like they are the only ones who have to deal. 

 

 

[gardenmom5]

I've mentioned in posts that my mother was schizophrenic - she responded to meds, even though they made her a zombie.  and my father who struggled with depression to the point he took his own life when I was 12. fortunately, there are many more options today for depression - but even then, they don't always work.  I've found a genetic link.

I understand the impact of untreated/inadequately treated mental illness in a parent, on a child. 

 

as well as my bil with "the scary kind" of schizophrenia - though he was undiagnosed. (and therefore untreated).   

 

[Janeway]

The problem is..defining mental illness. If people really counted all "mental illnesses" then everyone would likely have to vote yes. Even anxiety, depression, etc....

 

Most people seem to only refer to mental illness as an insult when they do not like someone, or when it is something that makes someone unable to function in life, such as Schizophrenia or anything that requires being hospitalized.

Edited April 19, 2017 by Janeway

[DawnM]

Yup!  My mother's family has a lot of it.  Her two aunts were in mental wards, her sister was in a mental ward and my mother certainly should have been on many occasions, but she thought because she had "Jesus" she wasn't like "them" and Jesus would see her through.  Well, Jesus and some lithium, but well, you know......

[maize]

The problem is..defining mental illness. If people really counted all "mental illnesses" then everyone would likely have to vote yes. Even anxiety, depression, etc....

Umm...yes...anxiety and depression are definitely mental illnesses.

[Rosie_0801]

The problem is..defining mental illness. If people really counted all "mental illnesses" then everyone would likely have to vote yes. Even anxiety, depression, etc....

 

Which only highlights that while shame is a perfectly normal feeling, it isn't something one *should* feel because pretty much everyone else gets it to some extent.

[Crimson Wife]

But, is a neurological disorder that has to do with the wiring in the brain NOT a.....mental.....illness?

 

Just because the disorder is located in the brain does not make it a "mental illness". Nobody would claim that Cerebral Palsy is a mental illness as opposed to a neurological disorder.

 

Schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression, OCD, etc. have to do with a biochemical imbalance of neurotransmitters and that is why they can often be treatable with medication.

 

Autism is more akin to CP because the issue is not a biochemical imbalance but a permanent change in the brain's wiring.

 

[Farrar]

Most of my direct experience is with dh. And I guess you could count ds, who has mild general anxiety.

 

And I started to say that there's very little on my side... but then as I typed that, I remembered suddenly that I do have a great aunt who killed a bunch of her family. She would probably qualify as mentally ill...

[SparklyUnicorn]

The problem is..defining mental illness. If people really counted all "mental illnesses" then everyone would likely have to vote yes. Even anxiety, depression, etc....

 

Most people seem to only refer to mental illness as an insult when they do not like someone, or when it is something that makes someone unable to function in life, such as Schizophrenia or anything that requires being hospitalized.

 

They rarely hospitalize even schizophrenics anymore.

 

I guess maybe where you are going with this is chronic vs. acute.  It's one thing to have an episode of situational depression and another to have a life long illness.  In my mind I'm referring to ongoing whatever level of severity. 

[hjffkj]

I have way too much experience. Bipolar disorder and schizophrenia run deep in my family. As does mild depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. No one talking mental illness would ever get any judgement from me.

[maize]

Just because the disorder is located in the brain does not make it a "mental illness". Nobody would claim that Cerebral Palsy is a mental illness as opposed to a neurological disorder.

 

Schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression, OCD, etc. have to do with a biochemical imbalance of neurotransmitters and that is why they can often be treatable with medication.

 

Autism is more akin to CP because the issue is not a biochemical imbalance but a permanent change in the brain's wiring.

 

Chemical imbalance is a gross oversimplification of what is going on in any mental illness. The more we learn, the more complex the picture becomes; and increasingly physical differences are being found in the brains of people with chronic mental illness.

[Guest]

OK, I'm going to out our family. 

We all get skin cancer.

 

Big difference.  I mean that in the kindest way possible.  It's always something.  I am so thankful I live in this crazy/weird/disordered/unstable time *because*--

 

--there's stuff you can do for skin cancer

--there are meds for mental illness and people don't just get locked in the attic or an institution

--young girls don't have suicide as the first option when they find out they are preggers and unwed

--when someone gets a severe stomach ache, they aren't left to die because no one knew what an "appendix" was

 

KWIM?

 

 

[LucyStoner]

Once I spoke to my brother in the wake of his upteenth DV related arrest. At one point in the conversation I reiterated my encouragement that he seek mental health help. He got really upset and did the whole "I'm not the one who needs counseling, YOU need counseling" thing. It threw him off guard when I said, without missing a beat, "of course I need counseling. And I get it, at least 2-4 times a month. No one in our family makes it out without needing some sort of help at some point, dude."

 

He still has never gotten any serious help, and he's the least functional person in our family by far. I don't honestly think what he has is especially treatable either. He's a lot like our profoundly dysfunctional grandmother.

Edited April 19, 2017 by LucyStoner

[gardenmom5]

Just because the disorder is located in the brain does not make it a "mental illness". Nobody would claim that Cerebral Palsy is a mental illness as opposed to a neurological disorder.

 

Schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression, OCD, etc. have to do with a biochemical imbalance of neurotransmitters and that is why they can often be treatable with medication.

 

Autism is more akin to CP because the issue is not a biochemical imbalance but a permanent change in the brain's wiring.

 

 

and yet - working with a ND for my hfasd in a way that affects his "brain chemistry" has done wonders for him.  though no one who knows anything about asd would think he's nt.  (neither would they likely guess at how far he's come.)

 

talking about "biochemical imbalance" feels very simplistic.  there are multitudes of causes for mental illness - and frequently it's a combination of factors, not just one thing.   some rx work. some don't. some need a combination to work.  some work for awhile - then stop.  some can make a person functional they seem "normal" - some only keep them from slipping further away.  (I have a friend whose dss -she raised -rx only work for awhile, then stop.  and at best, they keep him from slipping away. they've never made him functional.)

there's still so much we don't know, but we've come a long way from where we were.

[Tap]

Oh my....I don't think there is anyone in my bio-famiy who doesn't have a dr. diagnosed mental health disorder/illness. 

 

We have so many varied diagnoses in our family. From Schizophrenia (spent most of her life in hospitals), to Autism, to various mood  disorders, to clinical depression. Lots of substance abuse. There MI that is due to traumatic brain injury (birth trauma) and brain damage due to stroke. There are a few who have PTSD from dealing with violence. While they are a bit different than mental illness there is also ADD/ADHD, dyslexia, dysgraphia.  I could easily name 10-20 diagnoses within 1 generation up and down from mine in my family.

Edited April 19, 2017 by Tap

[slackermom]

I worked as a "medical record analyst" for a while. More than half of the patients had a mental health diagnosis in their charts at some point.

[Audrey]

I am from the South (US) originally -- where people do not ask you if mental illness runs in your family.  They just ask on which side it runs. :P

 

I wish mental illness weren't such a stigma.  It's a common health issue.  I have some people in my family who have very serious, difficult to manage dx, and others with dx that are much more readily responsive to treatment.  Treatment, in my family, is not an option.  We love you.  You have this dx.  We will make sure you get the treatment you need.  My mother put it this way:  If Auntie were laying on the ground with a broken leg, would you not take her to a doctor and have it treated?   To me, mental illnesses are no different than that.  

 

That said, I think different families develop different family culture about mental illness.  In my family, we've always tried to keep a sense of humour about it, but at the same time, we've always been very protective of our loved ones who are dealing with mental illness.  My dh was (and probably still is) quite mortified at the way my family will joke and talk about mental illness, especially the way we joke with the loved ones who are dx with mental illnesses.  I think he doesn't understand that mentally ill people can have a sense of humour about their own situation, too.  Or, maybe it's just such an ingrained taboo for him, that he can't help but be very uncomfortable around it.  

[heartlikealion]

Yes and my parents might freak out if they knew I recently started taking medication out of desperation. I am not sure if it's working as it takes time but to some degree I think it may have started to help. For depression/anxiety/OCD. I know there are other things that can help, but when people say "go outside" as a solution to depression and I would think about drowning myself in the pond it wasn't really helpful. I am feeling better in that regard, but still get more agitated than I'd like. I don't know where my angry streak comes from, but my lack of control over my living/working situation makes me feel very defeated at times.

[Guest]

Yes, but more the undx'ed variety. My own parents would not consider mental health in a million years; they view everything through a religious lens and see mental illness through that lens as well. Which, ironically, may itself be mentally unhealthy...

[MercyA]

Severe, lifelong OCD here, among other things. I'm on medication for it. No shame. It is what it is. 

 

Much  :wub: and  :grouphug: to all. 

 

ETA: Thanks, Rosie. You rock.

Edited April 19, 2017 by MercyA

[foxbridgeacademy]

Two of my children have severe anxiety issues, DD 19 was hospitalized last year.  My dad has what I consider fairly serious episodes of depression as does his dad.  I have never been ashamed, I watched my dad suffer for years because he was, ashamed, and didn't want anyone to know he had problems (had a lot to do with his strict religion). It ruined his marriage and made us all miserable.  He's on meds now but is still reticent to talk about it.  

Edited April 19, 2017 by foxbridgeacademy