feedback wanted . .

[gardenmom5]

just got back from dsils' parents for a week.

feedback wanted.  I did not do any of my own wash - I washed my grandsons' clothes before their mom (2dd) got back at 2am this morning).  I flew out yesterday afternoon.

Edited December 15, 2022 by gardenmom5
attempts at clarity

[SKL]

I really hate it when people "help" me by processing my laundry.

[skimomma]

I do not want anyone doing my laundry.  Ever.  Unless I am in the hospital or something.  On a practical level, I have an old and fussy washing machine that takes special care to use, so that alone is good enough reason.  Doing anything "wrong" will result in not-clean laundry, at best, and a no-longer-working washing machine at worst.  So, I have my reasons.  But even if that were not the case, I would not want anyone touching my dirty laundry.  I don't want to touch anyone else's either.  Like the mildewy towels, I might have a certain way I wash them to make them actually come clean whereas if someone just washed them normally, the mildew might become permanent in the dryer.   

[Jean in Newcastle]

I get the sense that this was done without asking?  If a family member (who I think of differently than a “regular “ guest) were to ask to help I would say yes if I really needed the help. If I didn’t need the help or was going to throw the mildewing towels in after they left for the airport, then I’d say no. Either way, I would fight irritation if they did it without asking even if it were truly helpful because that crosses a boundary for me. 

[regentrude]

I would NOT want anyone to do my laundry.

If a family member offered help, I would decline. If a non-family member offered, I would find it odd.
If a random guest actually washed my laundry, I would not be amused.
If that person were my mother, I would be torn between seeing it as a commentary on my housekeeping and an attempt to be helpful.
And if, heaven forbid, the person were an in-law, it would feel like an absolute critique of me as a sloppy homekeeper.

Edited December 15, 2022 by regentrude

[Kassia]

I don't want anyone touching my laundry.  I didn't even like DH doing it when I couldn't after several surgeries.  

[Arcadia]

My husband does the laundry because he is a lot more picky than me. My MIL would automatically fold laundry at relatives home just because she is a little OCD about neatness.  I just let her know my husband is the one who does the laundry and they can argue it out as always. 
We have pails/buckets in the bathroom next to the carpeted laundry area. Dirty (or just wet) towels/rags would go there. In our case it is unlikely for us to have wet towels anywhere except the bathroom, and those would be the bath towels that go directly into the washer.

My late mom stayed with us for six months at a time (B visa) to help out when my kids were little. She obviously knew how we like things done and followed our preferences so it is not an issue.

[vonfirmath]

I'd be fine with the folding

I think I'd be fine with the mildewy towels. But really -- we try to only wash full loads so I might be a little annoyed

[wendyroo]

I'm not very fussy about laundry...I also have very few guests, and am rarely an overnight guest at anyone's house except my parents' or aunt's.

My mom and I know each other's systems and just tend to do laundry at each other's houses. It would be no big deal to me if my mom noticed the kids' hamper getting full and threw it in the washer. And it is very common at both houses for us to sit together and fold clean laundry.

My aunt lives in Florida, so when I take a couple kids down there to visit there is a lot of wet, sandy laundry. I throw a load in whenever I need to (with her blessing), and always ask if she wants to me to add whatever is in her dirty laundry basket. She normally takes me up on it, and when the load is clean whoever is available folds it.

[prairiewindmomma]

I don’t want anyone touching my machines but me. MIL visited a bit over a decade ago, did one load of laundry, and messed everything up. I had asked her not to do that using the polite language, “Oh, you don’t need to trouble yourself, you are our guest!” when I really meant, “Back away you meddler!” She only fessed up when bubbles started coming out of the front loader and the machine began alarming and locked. 
 

I was every bit as annoyed that she didn’t respect my boundary as I was that she broke my washer. she was trying to exert control and dominance in the guise of being “helpful”. 

[theelfqueen]

I don't want people doing my laundry. Ever. 

I don't want you to fold my underwear or my bedsheets or whatever.

I really, really don't want my MIL to decide that the hamper next to the washing machine should just get dumped in the washer to "help" - and thereby ruin several handwash only items I had waiting for attention there. 

 

[bolt.]

If someone as a guest were to be "helpful" like that, I'd be kind of thankful, but my primary feeling would be shame. I prefer if people politely pretend that my house is not noticeably messy. If they take action to help, I know that I'm not okay. I hate that feeling.

[stephanier.1765]

My son and his wife both work. DIL being so busy would often toss my grand daughter's clothes into her crib, since she slept with them anyway. To be helpful, I would plop grand daughter into her crib and let her play with the clothes while I folded them and put them away. This was just baby clothes, not adult clothes. I hope she found this helpful. It wasn't a critique on her laundry skills but it both occupied the baby and gave me something useful to do.

[Catwoman]

I wouldn't touch anyone else's laundry without first asking if they wanted my help.

The only exception I can think of would be a situation where I was watching a baby and they spit up on a nice outfit; I would change the baby and do my best to wash the stains out of the clothes, because I wouldn't want the stains to set. 

[SKL]

I do allow my guests to use my machines to do their own laundry.

I would also consider it fine if someone was here as a carer and did the laundry of the person/people they were caring for.  So if I had a relative here to care for my tots when I was on a travel trip, I would not be surprised if they decided to wash my tots' clothes.  I would probably still want to discuss it in advance.  But if they were just here on a visit and not as a carer, I wouldn't want them doing my kids' laundry.

[SquirrellyMama]

1 hour ago, gardenmom5 said:

just got back from dsils' parents for a week.

feedback wanted.  I did not do any of my own wash - I washed my grandsons' clothes before their mom (2dd) got back at 2am this morning).  I flew out yesterday afternoon.

In this situation I would have done the grandsons' clothing also. And, if I had been there for a week I would have done my own clothing. 

 

[gardenmom5]

36 minutes ago, SKL said:

I do allow my guests to use my machines to do their own laundry.

I would also consider it fine if someone was here as a carer and did the laundry of the person/people they were caring for.  So if I had a relative here to care for my tots when I was on a travel trip, I would not be surprised if they decided to wash my tots' clothes.  I would probably still want to discuss it in advance.  But if they were just here on a visit and not as a carer, I wouldn't want them doing my kids' laundry.

 

I was there to specifically to care for my grandsons, and help dsil while they are at his parents' house.  2dd was packing up their rented house in CA and organizing people to load it on the truck to move.  (don't know when the truck is supposed to show up at their house in TX). They will go back to their own house in TX as soon as dsil gets medical clearance to travel. (that's going to be a whole other problem to solve.) Dsil isn't physically able to do much of anything at this point - and some of the things he was doing (that we've repeatedly told him not to do), the PT made explicitly clear he needed to stop doing right now.     

(dsil just happened to be within 40 miles of his parents when he had his accident.  This is actually the first time he's seen (or spoken to) his parents since the oldest was a newborn.)

His mother told me to treat it like an airB&B and make myself at home . . . . ummm .  . or not . . . . 

I washed towels the kids and I used.  The stinky ones in the laundry room - the smell was making me gag, so I washed them too.  The other clothes were sitting in the dryer and had to be put somewhere so I could put the kids clothes in the dryer.  I asked her what to do with them, she seemed annoyed I took them out of the dryer.

Edited December 15, 2022 by gardenmom5

[Catwoman]

1 minute ago, gardenmom5 said:

 

I was there to specifically to care for my grandsons, and help dsil while they are at his parents' house.  2dd was packing up their rented house in CA and organizing people to load it on the truck to move.  (don't know when the truck is supposed to show up at their house). They will go back to their own house in TX as soon as dsil gets medical clearance to travel. (that's going to be a whole other problem to solve.) Dsil isn't physically able to do much of anything at this point - and some of the things he was doing (that we've repeatedly told him not to do), the PT made explicitly clear he needed to stop doing right now.     

(dsil just happened to be within 40 miles of his parents when he had his accident.  This is actually the first time he's seen (or spoken to) his parents since the oldest was a newborn.)

His mother told me to treat it like an airB&B and make myself at home . . . . ummm .  . or not . . . . 

I washed towels the kids and I used.  The stinky ones in the laundry room - the smell was making me gag, so I washed them too.  The other clothes were sitting in the dryer and had to be put somewhere so I could put the kids clothes in the dryer.  I asked her what to do with them, she seemed annoyed I took them out of the dryer.

Not for anything, but she had plenty of time to get her stuff out of the dryer while you were washing the stinky towels and the kids' clothes. It's not like the washing machine doesn't take a while to finish!

I guess the only thing you could have done differently is let her know her laundry was still in the dryer, and ask her what she wanted you to do with it, but then she might have been annoyed that you were "too lazy" to unload the dryer, so this may have been a no-win situation.

[Melissa in Australia]

I have helped  hang  out on the line countless loads of laundry for people. 

I don't see what people on this forum are on about. Must be some strange cultural thing. 

[Amy in NH]

It really depends on my relationship with the people.  I used to fold my best friend's laundry that was in a laundry basket in the living room when I stayed over her house.  I would totally run a load of my own adult-kid's laundry, or my grandkid's laundry, if I were staying with them and they were really busy.  I wouldn't wash my inlaw's clothes, but if I were staying with them I might throw in a load of sheets or towels that I had used.

[gardenmom5]

Just now, Catwoman said:

Not for anything, but she had plenty of time to get her stuff out of the dryer while you were washing the stinky towels and the kids' clothes. It's not like the washing machine doesn't take a while to finish!

I guess the only thing you could have done differently is let her know her laundry was still in the dryer, and ask her what she wanted you to do with it, but then she might have been annoyed that you were "too lazy" to unload the dryer, so this may have been a no-win situation.

I think so.  I also think the week went as well as it could have gone.   dsil was confiding in me about things - we have always had a good relationship.

From what 2dd told me before - there were those expressing opinions my help wasn't needed before I came . . .  I received multiple thanks from both of dsil's parents for my help while there.   1dgs,  . . . can really struggle.  and he has really been struggling with all the upheaval. 

yesterday, he was watching a movie (grandpa put on before he left) with trains to play with when I went to try and put the 2yo down for a nap.  he came with - and then they just wind each other up . . . great thunk thunk thunk . . . I told him to leave the room so I could get 2yo to sleep, and he promptly started melting down (meltdowns can be violent and destructive if not contained).  so - I had to deal with him . . .  (and the 2yo got up and found things to entertain himself . . . at least he's not as worrisome . . . )

I started singing I am a child of God,  away in a manger, and o little town of bethlehem and he started clinging to me while telling me to go away and trying to kick me.  but he did settle and I could pull him fully into my lap while continuing to sing.  Then I asked him if he wanted a blanket - so we went to the bedroom and I just laid him on the bed.  He didn't want me to snuggle him.  He promptly rolled over and went to sleep.  This is incredibly rare behavior from him. (the rolling over and going to sleep after being laid on a bed part.)

[freesia]

1 hour ago, bolt. said:

If someone as a guest were to be "helpful" like that, I'd be kind of thankful, but my primary feeling would be shame. I prefer if people politely pretend that my house is not noticeably messy. If they take action to help, I know that I'm not okay. I hate that feeling.

Yes!  You just put words to something I didn’t even know how to express in words.

[Laura Corin]

That kind of unsolicited help can feel like implied criticism, if someone feels that unfolded clothes and unwashed towels show that they are failing to cope.

[catz]

I think this really depends on relationship and situation.  I wouldn't do these things in someone else's house without asking most likely.

That said, I'm sure this really isn't about towels.  Sounds like she has a lot on her plate and probably has plenty of reason to be a bit prickly at the moment.  I could see it feeling like implied criticsm too.  

[QueenCat]

It depends? Close family that's visiting? If they offer to do towels, sure. Other people, no thanks. 

[SKL]

7 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

I think so.  I also think the week went as well as it could have gone.   dsil was confiding in me about things - we have always had a good relationship.

From what 2dd told me before - there were those expressing opinions my help wasn't needed before I came . . .  I received multiple thanks from both of dsil's parents for my help while there.   1dgs,  . . . can really struggle.  and he has really been struggling with all the upheaval. 

yesterday, he was watching a movie (grandpa put on before he left) with trains to play with when I went to try and put the 2yo down for a nap.  he came with - and then they just wind each other up . . . great thunk thunk thunk . . . I told him to leave the room so I could get 2yo to sleep, and he promptly started melting down (meltdowns can be violent and destructive if not contained).  so - I had to deal with him . . .  (and the 2yo got up and found things to entertain himself . . . at least he's not as worrisome . . . )

I started singing I am a child of God,  away in a manger, and o little town of bethlehem and he started clinging to me while telling me to go away and trying to kick me.  but he did settle and I could pull him fully into my lap while continuing to sing.  Then I asked him if he wanted a blanket - so we went to the bedroom and I just laid him on the bed.  He didn't want me to snuggle him.  He promptly rolled over and went to sleep.  This is incredibly rare behavior from him. (the rolling over and going to sleep after being laid on a bed part.)

I think washing the kids' clothes was fine, but I would not have folded what came out of the dryer [previous load] without at least checking first.  What I do in that situation is take the dry clothes out, do the laundry I need to do, and then put the previous load back in the dryer, so folks can pick up exactly where they left off.

The towels, I would include in a load I was already doing, or I'd leave them as they were.

It's hard to express or explain just how annoying it is to have someone else fold my clothes ... even if it's my own fault they were in the way of progress.  😛

Edited December 15, 2022 by SKL

[freesia]

You know, I think this is one of those cases where everyone is out of their element and on overload. I would have been annoyed you took the laundry out, but when I think about it, it makes sense. It would have felt like a criticism even though rationally I would know it wasn’t. If I’d been coping with a. Severely injured son, his dw, her mother and small children one of whom melts down and hits, I would be operating on fumes and would probably be slightly annoyed at just about everything    . Don’t think too much about it. She most likely just needs some quiet and “normal.”

[gardenmom5]

I think I should be clear - I wasn't there as a "house guest".  I was specifically there *to help* with the grandsons and dsil, and anything else I could do to help.  His mom has been getting up with dsil every night as he needs his brace put on so he can get up to use the bathroom, and then someone has to take off the brace so he can sleep without it.  I don't think she has slept through the night since he came home from the hospital.  (and possibly not before if 1dgs was having nightmares.)

his mom and I ended up each taking one of the babies at night, as 1dgs rarely sleeps through the night and can have full blown tantrums/nightmares/night-terrors at night that leave him screaming.  by separating them, 2dgs wasn't woken up, or could at least quickly be settled back down if there was an adult there with him.  

This has been physically and mentally exhausting for everyone - I think his mom is doing as well as anyone could possibly be doing in this as she is helping him. 

[Annie G]

Some folks are super protective of not only their laundry, but also their machines. I was married to dh for a full 20 years before MIL let me wash our clothes in her washer without her supervision. We visited for a week at a time and I usually needed to do our laundry.  Anyway, it wasn’t until after she passed away that I ever saw or touched her dryer, which was out in the garage.  she always insisted FIL take my laundry out and bring it back. 
 

I loved MIL but she was super protective of her kitchen and laundry territory.

[gardenmom5]

6 minutes ago, SKL said:

I think washing the kids' clothes was fine, but I would not have folded what came out of the dryer [previous load] without at least checking first.  What I do in that situation is take the dry clothes out, do the laundry I need to do, and then put the previous load back in the dryer, so folks can pick up exactly where they left off.

The towels, I would include in a load I was already doing, or I'd leave them as they were.

It's hard to express or explain just how annoying it is to have someone else fold my clothes ... even if it's my own fault they were in the way of progress.  😛

I told her I took them out of the dryer so I could dry the boys clothes.  Then I asked what she wanted me to do with them, and offered to fold them.  She took them, I didn't fold them.  I did fold the towels I washed.  Originally, it was just the ones I used, but dsil and I were talking in the middle of the night in the kitchen, so I grabbed them and folded them while I was standing there.

My mother would fold my wash . . . I finally figured out what it was that annoyed me the most about it.  She folded clothes inside out.  So, I asked her to turn them right side out first.

5 minutes ago, freesia said:

You know, I think this is one of those cases where everyone is out of their element and on overload. I would have been annoyed you took the laundry out, but when I think about it, it makes sense. It would have felt like a criticism even though rationally I would know it wasn’t. If I’d been coping with a. Severely injured son, his dw, her mother and small children one of whom melts down and hits, I would be operating on fumes and would probably be slightly annoyed at just about everything    . Don’t think too much about it. She most likely just needs some quiet and “normal.”

yep  
2dd is back, 1dd is with her for emotional and practical support.   (his mom doesn't' want her staying with them.  But this isn't normal times, and 2dd needs emotional support too from someone she trusts.)   2dd and I are hoping 1dd can worm her way into his mom's good graces with her talents.  She loves to cook.

dsil's mom plans on taking a day at a hotel to sleep undisturbed.

dsil has a re-eval today, which hopefully went well and he won't need back surgery.

[fraidycat]

I prefer to fold my own clothes, so would decline an offer of folding clothes, but would not be upset if someone did it so they could use the dryer if my stuff was in the way. 

Towels are fair game. Anyone who wants to can wash, dry, fold.

In the grand scheme of things, receiving an act of kindness/service /help from another person is not even remotely worth wasting emotional energy being upset.

Edited December 15, 2022 by fraidycat

[catz]

Honestly, this situation sounds like a tinder box.  I would be hiding in my room for a few hours every day in this situation.  They went from no contact with this son for whatever reason to now their house is their hospital and hotel and home over night.  It's a lot for an extended period of time and sounds extremely stressful.  Just the stress of having an injured kid like that is a lot without all the extra comings and goings. young kids out of their normal element soaking up everyone else's stress, etc etc etc.

I'd not take it personally at all.    

[Rosie_0801]

1 hour ago, Melissa in Australia said:

I have helped  hang  out on the line countless loads of laundry for people. 

I don't see what people on this forum are on about. Must be some strange cultural thing. 

I was thinking the same. I've washed and hung out my neighbours laundry when they were unwell, then brought it in and folded it a few days later when I saw they hadn't managed it. They were working casual at the time so didn't have sick leave and needed the money. My cooking  made it easier to drag themselves to work, and they were obviously exhausted after that, so I was hardy going to get judgy because they didn't bring in a load of towels I washed because they were piled on the washing machine and looked like they were on the list of things to do. I washed their dishes while they were at work too, otherwise they'd have been piled to the ceiling before they were well enough for their usual routines.

Maybe I'd feel differently if I had an expensive or temperamental washing machine, but I and people I know have the cheapest one. They're straight forward to use.

I guess I don't think of laundry as a criticism of anyone's housekeeping. Being alive generates washing. And I don't have a drier, so I accept washing  must wait for suitable drying weather.

I suppose if I had a judgy mother in law or someone, they wouldn't be in my house to begin with, but if they were and were trying to shame me via housework, I'd pretend not to notice unless they actually ruined something. People older than me should know not to put delicates on a heavy cycle.

[J-rap]

Wow, I'd let anyone do my laundry if they asked!  I'd consider it a really kind favor.

[Hilltopmom]

You were there to help. You helped.

🙂

 

[Melissa in Australia]

41 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

I was thinking the same. I've washed and hung out my neighbours laundry when they were unwell, then brought it in and folded it a few days later when I saw they hadn't managed it. They were working casual at the time so didn't have sick leave and needed the money. My cooking  made it easier to drag themselves to work, and they were obviously exhausted after that, so I was hardy going to get judgy because they didn't bring in a load of towels I washed because they were piled on the washing machine and looked like they were on the list of things to do. I washed their dishes while they were at work too, otherwise they'd have been piled to the ceiling before they were well enough for their usual routines.

Maybe I'd feel differently if I had an expensive or temperamental washing machine, but I and people I know have the cheapest one. They're straight forward to use.

I guess I don't think of laundry as a criticism of anyone's housekeeping. Being alive generates washing. And I don't have a drier, so I accept washing  must wait for suitable drying weather.

I suppose if I had a judgy mother in law or someone, they wouldn't be in my house to begin with, but if they were and were trying to shame me via housework, I'd pretend not to notice unless they actually ruined something. People older than me should know not to put delicates on a heavy cycle.

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😁

[Innisfree]

I think this was a tricky situation, and nuances are important. Who asked you to come help? Was it your dsil’s mom, of her own accord, her idea? Or your dd’s idea, with her mil’s (possibly reluctant) acquiescence? Or your idea? If mil felt pressured, I could see her also feeling like she couldn’t refuse, and thus feeling resentful if something she considered a boundary was crossed.

Having a ds who apparently isn’t close to her, whatever the backstory is, staying in her house would be a potentially difficult situation all on its own. Add in a family of in-laws, and I’m not surprised if the stress began to show.

 I think lots of grace and a complete disinclination to take offense would be the best response. 

[marbel]

It so depends on the relationship; I've had friends help me with laundry and I've helped with theirs. But only certain friends and only when asked. I would be unhappy if someone just randomly saw that a hamper was full of dirty clothes and washed them, as some things require special care. I don't let my husband or son wash my clothes just for that reason.

With a virtual stranger in my house, I would feel very odd anyway. Having them in my laundry room if we hadn't discussed laundry first would be a bit disconcerting. In an ideal situation, the host would have shown you the laundry area early in the stay, and assured you that you were welcome to use the facilities as desired. Also in an ideal situation, the host would be on top of their own laundry so the guest/carer wouldn't have to deal with it.  Obviously this was not an ideal situation so no judgment here on this. Just, it's a difficult situation all around. 

[MEmama]

Do.Not.Touch.My.Laundry unless you live in my house and you are DH. 

And no, MIL, I will not fold your underwear or have anything to do with it when you visit. Boundaries are healthy.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I too have helped friends and neighbors with dishes and laundry etc. But I had offered my help specifically for things of that sort. So “I would love to help you out with your new baby in whatever capacity you need/ do some laundry for you, dishes or whatever. “. I have never just wandered into someone’s house and started to do chores. 
 

This situation was complicated by it not actually being your dd and dsil’s house and chores. 

[gardenmom5]

dsil's mother has been talking about going to a hotel to "sleep" for a night.  Unknown if she's actually booked one.  dsil insists his parents are broke.  (based on how much they spend, otherwise their income was good).   dsil won't pay for it. 

1dd suggested she pay for it. . . . lol. sneaky.  (she has a very good income, and my kids learned how to handle money.) - so that's their plan.  2dd will find out if she's book a hotel room yet, and if not - they'll do this.   his mom does need to sleep, she needs a break - and this could be a very good thing all around.  It would still leave two competent adults to take care of the kids and dsil.  

2dd said her mil was stressed about the state of the house, and wanting everything to be clean.  She's the one who gave me the tour around the house though - so I really didn't go anywhere she hadn't already taken me. 2dd would try to do dishes - and her mil would stop her telling her it was fil's "job".  2dd wanted to use the sink and it was full of dishes . . .. and both sides would fill up.  I would have done them, but I had zero clue where most of them went and the dishwasher had to be unloaded before it could be loaded.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Stress can cause inflexibility. I’ve been there. 

[KSera]

3 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said:

I don't see what people on this forum are on about. Must be some strange cultural thing. 

I don’t know if the word “strange” appropriate here. Just because a culture is different from your own doesn’t make it strange.  DH and I are both similarly personal about laundry and don’t like anyone outside the immediate family to deal with it, but that doesn’t mean that I find your custom of helping your neighbors with their laundry strange. It’s just different.

3 hours ago, SKL said:

It's hard to express or explain just how annoying it is to have someone else fold my clothes ...

Same.  It may not be rational, but my husband and I both feel intensely this way. It has nothing to do with using the machines for us; we’re happy to have houseguests use the machines for their laundry. I don’t want them doing our laundry though. Even when it’s the kids’ laundry, which  doesn’t carry the same “don’t touch my laundry” gut instinct, my experience is that it ends up being super frustrating because everything is grouped in ways that are nonsensical to me. If it’s a load of laundry that included more than one child’s belongings, then their belongings are all mixed together in the nonsensical piles. I have to rearrange all the piles into groups that actually match up with how the kids’ drawers are arranged. For some reason I find that task more annoying than just folding them and putting them in appropriate stacks myself for putting away.

 

Edited December 15, 2022 by KSera

[Melissa in Australia]

Seems extremely strange to me

[SKL]

It's funny, I never before realized how cultural modern laundry is.  And people say the US has no "culture."  😛

I have multiple sitcom-worthy stories about guests and laundry.  It's a thing.  But yeah, I guess that is strange from the outside looking in.  😛

[prairiewindmomma]

It’s all about context and intent, imo. I have totally done laundry for neighbors and had them do mine when help was needed. Dealing with guests, even those you are related to, is a different ball of wax.

[Clarita]

I would be all "Yup here's my laundry room. Thanks do you want to visit again next week?" I have totally come to terms with my messiness. I try to do better, but I also know my weakness.  If the intent is bad I would probably show them where my dishwashing soap is, the bathroom is and really the rest of the house and say I really hope you come back next week. 

As a guest I usually ask before doing any of the cleaning. Again I know I'm not good at it, so I know there are some friends of mine where my subpar cleaning is not up to their standards (this absolutely includes my mom if you wonder how I got to this point in my adult life). Of course there are other friends where I know I'm expected to help clear the table and do the dishes, etc. (but we are really close so this is not the norm).   

 

[Forget-Me-Not]

No no no no no no. Don’t touch my laundry. Don’t touch my underwear or bedsheets or towels. Don’t touch my machine. 

 

 

[theelfqueen]

Laundry is intimate. Bedsheets and underclothes and towels touch your skin and intimate places.. you wouldnt dig in my underwear drawer (I hope) or get into my marriage bed or use my used towel . It is personal. At least to me. 

Washing small children's clothing is less intimate and personal (due to their intense need for help and lack of independence)  but as they grow it can shift... at least it did for me as my sons grew.older and I didn't want to deal with their gym bags and made them change and wash their own sheets. One of the greatest challenges I've seen with my friends caring for failing, elderly parents has to do with toilet issues and other things that erode those natural personal boundaries. 

Also... all of the above comments about it sometimes feeling judgmental apply. 

[katilac]

I would open the door wide to any serial killer clever enough to offer to do my laundry.