s/o Were you taught about basic grooming/taking care of your physical body/ physical self care?

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I only have a moment before running an errand but wanted to get this posted before I forget.

Did someone teach you about self care? Shaving? Plucking? Manicures? Pedicures? [Edited: I mean cutting, trimming, filing edges; not (necessarily)going to the salon] and all of those other good things we should do for ourselves.

Here's my horror story.

I was a late bloomer and began my period right after freshman year of high school had started. I had sat in the classes in junior high and knew what periods were but had never really seen any feminine hygiene products in our home. When I started, I was wearing white shorts and a boy I knew was at the house. My mom was gone somewhere and I had no idea how to handle it. I sent him home (no more bike races) and sat on the toilet until my mom got home. It was awful. When my mom returned, she gave me a box of belted napkins that she pulled out of the back of the linen closet. Let me repeat that - they were BELTED!! She didn't show me how to use them so I had to read the instructions on the box. Let me repeat - these were belted napkins. Have you ever seen a sanitary napkin belt?  Thank goodness there was a belt in the box and I didn't have to figure out how to assemble one from dental floss.  Belted!  People - this was 1984. Not 1954 or 1964.

I wore those belted napkins for two months before my sister (yes, I have an older sister. How she dodged the belted napkin bullet I will never know.) told me about the peel and stick kind. Oh those individually wrapped gifts from Heaven. I was never so happy in my life.

I have so many more tales to tell.

Like the time the girls in band were talking about shaving and I went home and shaved off almost every visible hair on my body. Started at my toes and worked my way up. With just a razor. A razor I found under the bathroom sink. The razor burn lasted for days. Luckily, it was autumn and I got away with wearing long sleeves and pants.  Did I mention I shaved off almost every visible hair?

Edited October 26, 2021 by Granny_Weatherwax

[Indigo Blue]

Oh my goodness @Granny_Weatherwax. I have vague memories of my mom having those belts. Late 1960’s, though! That’s awful. 

Edited October 25, 2021 by Indigo Blue

[Pawz4me]

Yes, yes I do remember those belts. Not good memories.

I suppose I was taught about leg and pit shaving, but I have no memory of that. But I got started somehow . . .???

I think I either have a very poor memory or for some unknown-to-me reason I've blanked a lot of my childhood/teenage memories out on purpose.

[Indigo Blue]

Hmmmm…I wasn’t taught many things about self care. Not that I can remember. I mean, things weren’t complicated, though. Just bought deodorant when it was time. I learned to paint my nails by myself. I didn’t wear much makeup, but I just experimented with it whenever I felt like it. No one ever showed me how to do any of these things, really. 

[alisoncooks]

I wasn’t told much. I was given a book that told about monthly cycles. 

I also did the whole “shave off all the hair!!” bit. Yikes. But…even my oldest DD (who was very thoroughly educated in choices/options and methods and razor burn) did the same thing. So…maybe that’s a right of passage. 😛

[Corraleno]

No one taught me, it was not the kind of thing my mother was willing to talk about. And I was the oldest, so no siblings to explain things to me either. I literally learned everything I knew about periods from a little booklet they handed out in Girl Scouts! Thank goodness for that little booklet, because I got my first period not long after that and would have been completely freaked out if I didn't know what was happening. And this was late 60s, so I was all too familiar with the dreaded "sanitary belt" system — my mother wouldn't let me use tampons, but by high school I would just buy them myself. I also had to sneak to shave my legs, because that wasn't allowed either until I was well into HS. 

[Spryte]

I think I learned everything from those horrid aimed-at-teen-girl magazines. Maybe some Judy Blume books. And 4th grade “sex ed” at private school, where we learned some rudimentary stuff, and they passed out sanitary napkins, etc.

Friends taught me to shave. A cousin taught me about make up.

My mom didn’t do mani/pedis. Or make up. Or anything, really. Artist hippie skippie type.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I learned from  older girls in boarding school. Then I taught the younger girls once I was older in boarding school. I just thought that we weren’t taught by our moms because of boarding school but maybe my assumption was wrong. 

[rebcoola]

I don't remember being taught anything but I learned somewhere.  Supplies were readily available. I know I stayed home sick in 5th grade and that's when I started and I was able to take care of things easily and just told my mom when she got home from work.

[regentrude]

47 minutes ago, Granny_Weatherwax said:

I only have a moment before running an errand but wanted to get this posted before I forget.

Did someone teach you about self care? Shaving? Plucking? Manicures? Pedicures? and all of those other good things we should do for ourselves.

When you said "self care", I envisioned things like: setting boundaries, taking time to be in nature, exercise, eating well, getting enough sleep, doing checkups. Those are important.

I could not care less about plucking and pedicures and this type of stuff. Nobody taught me. Nobody even shaved when I grew up. (I learned, when I emigrated here, and was still bowing to peer pressure)

ETA: And yes, belted sanitary napkins was the only thing we had when I started needing them.

Edited October 25, 2021 by regentrude

[marbel]

My mother taught me about period care, and bought me supplies - yes belts were included at that time. The stick-on pads were a later revelation.

Nail care was basic - I'm quite certain my mother never had a manicure or pedicure in her life; may not have even heard of a pedicure. Shaving, not sure. I never had much hair to shave, but I did. Maybe my older sister told me about some of that stuff. 

I never thought of these things as self-care. Other than period supplies, I think of it more like grooming. I've still never had a pedicure.  I think more like Regentrude when I think of self-care.

Edited October 25, 2021 by marbel

[MEmama]

Nope, nothing at all in any meaning of self care.

I'm unpacking a lot at 49. 

[Arcadia]

1 hour ago, Granny_Weatherwax said:

Did someone teach you about self care? Shaving? Plucking? Manicures? Pedicures? and all of those other good things we should do for ourselves.

... Let me repeat - these were belted napkins. Have you ever seen a sanitary napkin belt?  

Your definition of self care is different from mine. Self care for me is more of health, being assertive and knowing when to advocate for myself. Spending more on moisturizers that is suitable for my sensitive skin than going for the cheapest item on the shelf. Buying clothes and shoes that fit well when we can afford to pay more. Self care is also about being willing to get a second medical opinion when you think you aren’t getting the best treatment (insurance do cover 2nd opinion in full, BTDT). 
 

I have seen a sanitary napkin belt in the 80s in Asia. They were cheaper than the stick on sanitary pads. My parents could afford to pay more but not all my classmates’ parents could. 

54 minutes ago, Spryte said:

My mom didn’t do mani/pedis. Or make up. Or anything, really. Artist hippie skippie type.

My mom didn’t either. She was a NICU nurse. My mom would borrow my lipstick for wedding dinners.

When I needed to put on makeup as a student escort to my then minister of education while in high school, I just went to the Shiseido counter at a department store and asked for a makeover. 

[Annie G]

No, didn’t learn these things from Mom. I knew what periods were from sisters and friends. When I got my period Mom gave me the belt and sanitary napkin box and kind of shuffled out, mumbling that if I have questions to come find her. 
Shaving was never discussed, but I used her electric razor and she knew. We just never talked about it. 
 

[historically accurate]

My mom has never had a manicure or pedicure in her life. She wears minimal makeup. But she did tell me about periods and shaving and plucking. She used to pluck my unibrow when I was a hairy little child LOL. She probably plucked my eyebrows more before puberty than I ever have in the 30 years afterward. Oh, well.

I did go to boarding school for high school, so most of my "girly" knowledge, ie: skin care & makeup & whatall, comes from there.

[Spryte]

1 hour ago, regentrude said:

When you said "self care", I envisioned things like: setting boundaries, taking time to be in nature, exercise, eating well, getting enough sleep, doing checkups. Those are important.

 

That’s how I define self care as well. 

[Melissa Louise]

No.

Nor did I teach my kids about how to get manicures. 

I don't consider training in prettification part of mothering duties. 

Shaving etc are not 'good things we should do for ourselves' but social customs we can choose to engage in or reject. 

My two kids with interest in fashion and beauty had zero trouble accessing information on, say, 'how to shave slits in one's eyebrows' or 'best vegan lipgloss'. My input not required. 

My kid with zero interest in 'looking pretty' continues life without problems arising from her lack of manicures. 

Parents teach hygiene. Hygiene is part of caring for self. Keeping hair and body clean, nails trimmed, clothes clean and tidy. 

We're not required to induct our children into expensive, culturally conditioned beauty rituals as part of 'self care'. 

 

 

[Carrie12345]

No belts in my house, but I am old enough to have learned about them in health class literature and a Judy Blume (?) book!  Still, what we did have at home was not to my liking. It’s been top of the line for me and my girls since the day I started purchasing my own.

I was worried I’d need to outsource eyebrows to my now estranged SIL, because that was never an issue in my family, but it is in dh’s. By some weird twist, my dark, hairy child did end up with very lovely, natural brows! Thank goodness, because I’m useless. 

[Melissa Louise]

1 minute ago, Spryte said:

That’s how I define self care as well. 

Me three. 

Painting one's nails (something I used to a lot of at one point) can be fun, but it's ultimately a pretty shallow version of caring for self. 

[Pam in CT]

I truly don't mean to laugh at your misfortune, @Granny_Weatherwax ... but I may be able to top your story.

 

My mom, a teacher, was away for a week at a summer teacher development conference when I, age 11, first had an urgent need for supplies.

As I CERTAINLY was not going to discuss the matter with my father, a man... I went rifling in my own mother's bathroom. And found tampons.  I then retreated with the box to my bathroom -- which I shared with my brother, then a 6 year old boy, for a close reading of the instructions.

The instructions were... opaque.  Oh my word how I wish I had saved them.  The centerpiece of the instructions was a one-legged figure, shown in profile, standing on her (?) single leg in a slight crouch, with a Very Enormous hollow... cavity... where the single leg joined the torso.  Into which, the diagram suggested... opaquely, with dotted lines, an arrow, and a disembodied single hand... the tampon was meant to go.

I studied this carefully.

It didn't seem plausible. Certainly, the parts on the diagram did not correspond, at all, with the parts I had to work with.

I struggled. Mightily. My brother knocked, I barked at him to use the other bathroom, I struggled further. But what was I going to do?  My mother was not due to return for FOUR DAYS.  The cell phone had not yet been invented. I managed, poorly on the first go, better on the second go, and etc.

By the time my mother returned, I was managing fine. 

I told her.

She visibly blanched; she had not expected this, so soon.  However, she was (and remains) a planner; and she brought me to a rarely-used drawer in a never-used-by-me linen closet, and presented to me.... the pads. With the belt.  Which -- I dunno if this was true of your belt,  my belt was in the 1970s -- had METAL BUCKLES.

I blinked.

I believe I literally said, "how are those... better than tampons??"

She blanched.  And said, embarrassed but powering through the moment nonetheless, "tampons are... really meant for older girls, honey."

"WHY?"  (See, she'd taught me, always ask why... which, then as now, in every generation, ALWAYS comes back to bite the mothers...)

She had a reason, sort of -- years later, when I told this story in her presence, tears of laughter rolling down my face, she revealed that HER mother had had some notion about intact hymen or something -- but even in the moment, she was unable to get the words out.

And so tampons it was, and we all lived Happily Ever After.

 

[*****]

My sisters are much older than me and moved out before I hit adolescence.  I wish they would have taken me under their wings over the years, but they had their own lives.  Even now I am learning things. Like I noticed a few grays in my eyebrows, but my sister didn't have any, so I asked her why she didn't gray. She just shrugged her shoulders.  C'mon, just a few tips?!  I found I could easily do touchups with an eyeliner pencil. Hmmm, maybe that's what she used?  Maybe she thought I was an idiot, idk. I guess I would rather do anything than watch the make-up videos on youtube!

[Shoeless]

No, my mother didn't teach any of this stuff. She gave me all her old make up and the reject deodorant that she didn't like, (anyone remember Tickle deodorant?) So, I was 11 and had a collection of years-old, oil-based foundations and make up. Blech. My skin broke out all the time, (not surprising with the old, oily make up), and her solution was to yell at me for not taking care of my skin (???). She never offered to show me how to care for my skin or buy me clearasil; just yelled that I was doing it wrong and needed to figure it out. 

That was how most things went with my parents. They'd yell because I didn't know how to do something but never taught me how to do the thing. And then yell that "Everyone knows you need to do XYZ!!!", and make a mean comment about how lazy and dumb I was. Like, no, "everyone" does not know how to iron a shirt, change a tire, put on make up, etc. These are skills that have to be taught. 

[Carrie12345]

28 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

2 hours ago, Granny_Weatherwax said:

 

Your definition of self care is different from mine. Self care for me is more of health, being assertive and knowing when to advocate for myself

That’s what I thought, and my answer would be definitely no. 
I was an adhd child when adhd wasn’t well known and certainly not for girls. I do have a complex that interferes with my ideas about what I “deserve” in all psychological self-care aspects. I’ve always been told I could do more and better, so I always feel like I should be working harder and more productively. 
 

(That isn’t to say I don’t try to take care of myself. I just feel guilty the whole time and then try to make up for it.)

[Shoeless]

I also think of self-care differently. To me, "self care" isn't necessarily about hygiene or make up. It can be, I guess, but "self care" to me is more about your emotional or mental care: making sure your needs are met, feeling safe to express your wants and needs, having boundaries, making time for what's personally important, etc. 

When I was struggling with anxiety, I kept getting "self care" advice like "take a bubble bath!" or "pamper yourself with nice lotion!", and it felt so patronizing and dumb. I am not a toddler that can be soothed with a bubble bath, ffs. 

[gardenmom5]

Nope.

 

[Katy]

I’d call this hygiene and grooming rather than self care.  And yes, I was taught about both. 

When I called my mom at work she shouted that I got my period to her entire office.  I was mortified. Some of those women had boys I went to school with. 

Mom didn’t want me to start shaving or wearing much makeup but stopped discouraging it when friends swimming with us had lots of visible underarm hair. She was very feminist and even though SHE wore fashionable clothing, makeup and epilated her legs, she tried to keep me from doing so, because in her words, “You can not wear that! You look 25 instead of 12!  You’re gorgeous but it’s totally age inappropriate.”

Looking back, I don’t think she knew how to teach me that it was okay to tell off creepy men.  Apparently I made enough faces though, because one of my dad’s friends wrapped an arm around me and immediately removed it and complimented my “GTFO of me face.” Then he went on to explain he’d changed my diapers, he’s just moved away for so long I didn’t remember him. 

[City Mouse]

In my house, we did not talk about periods or period products -like it was some big secret with 4 females in the house. It was so bad that my sisters and I did not even talk about it. I think my younger sister and been getting her period for several months before my mom even noticed. We must have been pretty hairy or something, because I remember getting a razor gift set one Christmas. Any instruction on using makeup came from my mom’s friends who sold Mary Kay and needed people to practice on.

[MooCow]

When I was allowed to wear makeup by my mom(my dad would still say no lol) she took me to Merle Norman for a private lesson and then bought everything. I also remember getting my nails done, but not until I was in highschool. My mom always got her nails done. 

 

[Carrie12345]

On makeup, my mom didn’t teach me anything, but I babysat for a mom who was a Cover Girl rep and got tipped in all the make up I could carry home. So lots of material to practice with!

[marbel]

1 hour ago, MooCow said:

When I was allowed to wear makeup by my mom(my dad would still say no lol) she took me to Merle Norman for a private lesson and then bought everything. I also remember getting my nails done, but not until I was in highschool. My mom always got her nails done. 

 

My mom gave me a gift certificate to merle Norman when I turned 18. She had determined that was the age makeup was ok. She never wore makeup except red lipstick when she went out so she had no idea how to teach me.

[wintermom]

My mom taught me about all the practical feminine hygiene stuff, took me to get a manicure and eyebrow wax/pluck, made me take a community centre course for girls which went through make-up, skin and hair care. It was really sweet of her, and I did use some of the practical stuff, but I was a competitive swimmer and spent more time in the water than out. How do you apply make-up after a morning swim with 5 minutes to shower, dress, dry your hair and run sweaty out the door to school? Make-up and nail polish was never practical, nor did I care too much about it. 😄

My mom taught me how to use a tampon for my first period because of swimming, too. She even taught me the tricks like using vaseline to lubricate the cardboard applicator. She was a nurse, which may explain this all. I guess I was extra lucky!

[Terabith]

I had precocious puberty, and I started my period when I still believed in Santa (second grade), so yes, my mother taught me about periods and how to handle it.  However, because I was so out of synch with my peer group and development, I didn't really learn about shaving until....7th grade, maybe?  And then from kids at school.  Make-up I experimented with a bit in junior high, but I didn't learn about it from my mom.  By 9th grade or so, I'd decided that make-up was not worth it, and I hadn't really gotten good at applying it, so I have never worn it as an adult.  I've never had a manicure or a pedicure.  I did paint fingernails a few times at slumber parties.  

I really hope I'm not supposed to be teaching my kids about these things, because, aside from menstrual care, I have not done so.  

I am too young for the belts, but I remember reading about them in Judy Blume books.  To be honest, to this day I can't really envision how they work.  

[regentrude]

11 minutes ago, Terabith said:

I am too young for the belts, but I remember reading about them in Judy Blume books.  To be honest, to this day I can't really envision how they work.  

If I recall correctly (that was early 1980s): basically there was a waist band with some sort of hook in front and in back. The sanitary napkins were a thick rectangular layer of absorbent tissue stuffed into in a cotton mesh. The mesh was open in front and back and extended past the filling. You twisted the lose end of the mesh into a string that was twisted into the back hook, put it on, pulled the tissue filled mesh between your legs, and twisted the front mesh into a string to insert into the front hook, securing the napkin. Going to the bathroom required removing the front end.
The filling sometimes crumbled. No contour, no form fitting, not the least leak proof.
Nobody required to use this contraption could develop any fondness of it. It was barely tolerable.
The invention of adhesive was an incredible improvement.

I  am sure that, if men were afflicted by periods, a more comfortable solution would have been found decades earlier.

Edited October 26, 2021 by regentrude

[Corraleno]

31 minutes ago, Terabith said:

To be honest, to this day I can't really envision how they work.  

 

[momto3innc]

Absolutely nothing. Not periods, make up, anything s*xual, shaving, deodorant. You name it…it was not discussed. Often it was not provided for either so I’d somehow figure things out. Looking back, it was ridiculous, and I truly fumbled for years and years and had many embarrassing moments from not being well prepared. I feel it particularly now seeing my 14yo dd (who I have been careful to do differently with). I love my mom, she loves me, but all this was totally skipped in my upbringing. 

[Terabith]

So did those belts go under your clothes? 

Ah, got far enough into the video to know that you do not.  

Edited October 26, 2021 by Terabith

[regentrude]

4 minutes ago, Terabith said:

So did those belts go under your clothes? 

yes. because the sanitary pad needed to be under your underwear

[Emba]

My mom didn’t teach me anything beyond basic bathing and tooth brushing. I learned about periods and sanitary products in school. When I started developing, I had to ask my mom to buy a bra for me, and she procrastinated until there was a very embarrassing incident at school and I reiterated my request more forcefully.

i was a late bloomer, luckily, and I watched what other girls were doing. I bought my deodorant with my own spending money. I taught myself to shave legs/arm pits, just decided in gym one day that my legs were fuzzy and other girls shaved theirs so I should too.
 

My mom didn’t do pedicures/manicure or makeup, so I was really on my own there. I just bought makeup and nail polish and experimented, often with my friends. I do remember one of a friend’s mom telling her that her makeup made her look like a street Walker after one of those sessions. Wouldn’t have been a problem but she left the house that way. I had washed my face.

I wish my mom had been more comfortable with puberty issues and talking to me about sex. I do feel shortchanged that way.

I don’t feel like I was done a disservice to not have manicures, shaving, plucking, etc explained. I managed, it was fine. I made many questionable decisions in the makeup/ fashion department, but I think most girls do during those years. And I have felt grateful that my mom never hyper focused on looks - hers, mine, or others. 

i wear makeup and do my nails, but both sporadically. I have taught my daughter more explicitly about shaving and face washing,  but I do try to not focus makeup/nail polish unduly. If it’s fun, fine, if not don’t bother, just don’t let your nails be snaggley and dirty.  I’ve really made an effort to be more open about puberty and sexual topics, and made sure my kids all have deodorant and personal care products when they need them.

Edited October 26, 2021 by Emba

[Guest]

I had two older sisters and a whole mess of cousins, so I did pick up all those deets. My sisters taught me how to shave. My sisters taught me how to do makeup and use a curling iron.  And I was later to start my period than several of my close friends so they told me the best pads to use and which ones sucked. (Looking at you, Stayfree…like wadding up a bolster pillow between my legs…) My sisters and cousins also taught me about the lipgloss called Kissing Sticks or something like that, although I’m confident not many guys liked kissing lips with strawberry-scented goo on them. 
 

I don’t really know who taught my sisters. 

[bibiche]

Nah, nothing. My first period experience was similar to @Pam in CT’s except I never told my mother, so I wasn’t aware the products I was using were only for one-legged older girls. Several years later my mother did ask me if I’d gotten my period yet. 😂 

Edited October 26, 2021 by bibiche

[marbel]

So even though I wore makeup regularly and still do occasionally, my daughter turned to YouTube instead of to me for lessons. I was always pretty inept and she picked right up on it. Now she helps me. 😎

[SKL]

Good question.  I mean, I was taught basics, up to and including the need to use deodorant after washing one's pits.  But not body hair stuff, certainly not mani-pedis (I don't think my mom ever got any paid services other than a haircut).  I learned to cut my own hair in a "mini-course day" in middle school.  I never wanted to learn about make-up, though my mom probably would have answered my questions.

My mom had two big paper bags full of sanitary napkins that she brought out of storage for my menarche (age 13, 1980).  They were disposable, but had to be attached using safety pins.  My mom told me how lucky I was that I didn't have to use cloth pads and a belt.  At some point she let me buy "slim" tampons and teach myself how to use them.

As for shaving, I secretly borrowed my mom's razor during a bath when I was 11 or 12, and that's how I learned what to do and what not to do.  😛  I am pretty sure I never received any expert advice on that.

[Emba]

4 hours ago, Melissa Louise said:

I don't consider training in prettification part of mothering duties. 

Shaving etc are not 'good things we should do for ourselves' but social customs we can choose to engage in or reject. 

I agree completely! I’ve said before that I presented leg shaving to my daughter as “something the girls around you might be doing, if you want to, let me know so I can get you supplies, if you don’t that’s fine too“. She didn’t take me up on it until a couple years after that. 

i consider hygienic nails that are smooth and not jagged a must, but anything else is optional. I do like painted nails, sometimes, and I’ve had some bonding moments with my Dd doing each other’s nails, but if she never paints her nails again I wouldn’t care. I do consider salon manicure a waste of money, and have steered her away from them because I do feel like that’s my duty as a mom, teaching financial responsibility.

 Same with makeup. I might give her pointers, if she wants, but if she goes bare faced through life, good on her.

[Garga]

I think the term is “basic grooming” and not “self care”.

I was taught minimal grooming. For example, my mother had low self-esteem and for some reason that translated into a family culture that “we don’t make ourselves too fancy”, and so I would brush my hair once in the morning and no matter how snarly it got (and it got snarly because it’s fine hair, and fine hair tangles easily), i would just walk around with terrible hair all day. There was just some sort of odd culture in my house that we didn’t mess with our hair. So it looked really bad most of the time. No hair products. No instruction on how to style my hair. It just sat there, lank, on my head.

No lessons on how often to bathe, so I’d go a couple of days between bathing when I probably shouldn’t have as a teenager.

When I got my period, she put a pad in my underwear and left it on my bed for me to find it to see how all that worked. I just found it there—no discussion about it. No talk of tampons, ever.

No one told me about flossing. I remember being a kid and wanting to shave because the shaving cream looked like fun, so I sort of figured that out at around 11 or 12.  

So, there were minimal basic grooming skills taught. My clothes were ill-fitting and thrift store finds that were not treasures—they were dumpy looking finds because I didn’t know how to create an outfit that looked put together.  

 

It was kinda bad—I was not filthy and neglected, but I was scruffy looking and woefully out of fashion. I try not to think about it because while it’s not painful to remember, it’s not a happy memory either. I was certainly ostracized at school because of my poor grooming skills. And I was an only child without the kind of friends who would teach me these things, so I had no recourse. I knew I looked bad and I was ashamed of it, but I didn’t know how to fix it.

Edited October 26, 2021 by Garga

[Catwoman]

I’m surprised to hear how many of your moms weren’t into things like regular manicures and pedicures… and hair coloring and styling… and makeup… and fragrances… and fashion… 🙂  My mom was very glamorous, so all of those things were ingrained into me from as long as I can remember. It was fun! A few of my friends had moms who weren’t interested in those things, and those girls used to go to my mom when they needed beauty or fashion advice. 

[Farrar]

I got all the basics. Here's how you shave, here's how you trim and file and paint your nails and how to clean the polish off, here's how pads work and tampons (I also only knew the belts from Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret), here are some deodorant options, if you'd like to wear a perfume here's how to keep it light...

My mom did not do much for makeup. But my cousins were super into makeup so I learned from them then quickly decided makeup was stupid and never went back. So I think my mom was just going by my cues on that one.

I had some moments of classic Gen X negligence growing up, but I got all the basics of feminine hygiene in a very no nonsense, affirming way.

[SKL]

As for my kids, I was proactive because I was concerned that they might have early puberty.  They each had a "period pack" in their school backpack, with instructions on how to use everything.  When they started their periods at 11, I ordered some small tampons and explained how to use them, demonstrating how the mechanism works.  They have tried but do not like tampons.  They've tried various pads and found a specific style they prefer, which they buy using my credit card.

With shaving, I made sure they knew it was something some women do and some don't, and waited until they asked me to show them.  I figured that when they ask, they are ready.  Eldest was 9yo.  I also bought cream to remove facial hair when they asked.

They have tried various shampoos, conditioners, and hair products which I bankroll.  Also face wash and acne cream, and deodorant.  I figure, glad I don't have to fight about cleanliness.  😛

My eldest has always been interested in cosmetology since she was like 4yo.  She has learned a lot from youtube and from friends.  Which is good, because I don't know that stuff.  I have taken both girls for hair and nail services since they enjoy that.  Last Christmas (or was it 2019), I bought them each a teen spa day, which they liked, other than the "extraction" which they didn't know to decline.

I wanted to add that despite lots of preparation and having an older sister already menstruating (and not private about it), my youngest literally screamed when she realized she started her period.  She didn't feel ready for it.  Unfortunately we can't decide that.  😞

 

Edited October 26, 2021 by SKL

[MercyA]

@MissLemon, I am so sorry. 

[Shoeless]

10 minutes ago, MercyA said:

@MissLemon, I am so sorry. 

Aw, thank you @MercyA I'm mostly "over" how weird everything was with my parents.  My mom really should have had therapy decades ago. There's something very, very broken in her. It's a shame.

[MercyA]

What an interesting topic!

My parents were pretty upfront about the proper names for body parts and how babies are made and that type of thing. We had several nice pictures books about where babies come from--one about human babies and one about puppies. I think when my mom started to talk to me about my period, I told her I already knew all about that. My friends and I talked about it all the time. She said to let her know if I had any questions. I had just one: what's the difference between a tampon and a pad? 🙂 

I was shy to tell her when I started, but I guess she noticed my laundry and I found a package of nice pads sitting on my dresser that evening. I wasn't forbidden from using tampons and I did purchase some for myself. My mom's tampons looked way bigger than what I wanted to try! I read the little instruction book inside the package and it was much more helpful than the one @Pam in CT had! 

My mom told me that she was so glad her mom had explained things to her, because one of my mom's friends started her period at my mom's house and literally thought she was dying. 😞 My dear grandma explained it and helped her.

We also had the filmstrip about periods in 5th grade. I was disappointed when I found it featured the actress from the musical Annie and not the movie Annie, which I adored. Still, it was fun kicking the boys out of the room to watch it. We also received a little booklet. I can still picture the cover: "Menstruation" emblazoned across a rainbow. I read that thing so many times. 

I remember being given deodorant in 5th or 6th grade. And when my mom found out the the school nurse was going to inspecting all the girls for scoliosis, she took me right out to buy me a bra. She must have shown me how to shave, but I don't really remember it well. We had fun painting our nails occasionally. We both liked perfume. I'm pretty sure I bought my own makeup and used books, maybe, for guidance. I did fine but sometimes my mom would make a comment about something I might be able to do differently or better. She was super helpful when it came to researching acne and buying me good products. 

I've tried to be very open and honest and frank about all these topics with my DD and provide her with any additional information she wants. One thing I must not have explained well enough--or she forgot: she thought every time you got your period, it just came once, like maybe one pad's worth. And then you were done until next month. Poor thing, what a shock when she experienced the real deal.

I did ask her to start wearing antiperspirant when it became apparent that she needed it. 🙂 I also provided her with facial cleanser and acne treatment when she started getting pimples. Her hair's a bit frizzy like mine so I gave her some mousse and conditioner and she knows how to use it.

She has some makeup and has learned to apply it well on her own. She's 13 and I let her wear everything but eyeliner and foundation (which I'm going to discourage; I don't think it's good for skin). I told her shaving was up to her and she decided to do it fairly young.

We both enjoy being girls and doing girly things to take care of ourselves. She loathes her period but I can't blame her for that!

Edited October 26, 2021 by MercyA