My tree has no presents under it

[DawnM]

literally NOTHING.  It is Christmas Eve.

The boys are teens and have said they want money (older two) and a new computer (youngest).  

Youngest got his computer a few weeks ago, well, components.  He built a computer.  It is already assembled and he is using it.  

Middle needs winter boots, a winter coat, some jeans, etc....but I refuse to buy them without him trying on.  Years and years and years of buying for him and 99% of the time going back to the store and exchanging or returning has taught me I can't buy for him and it isn't worth it to me to deal with all of that, so I told him we will go after Christmas.

So, DH and I are up early and I am going shopping to get a few small gifts to put under the tree.  

#ChristmasMagicGone

#TeensAren'tAsFunAt Christmas

#MissTheMagic

Now I need to figure out what to even get.  They need nothing other than clothes.  They have throw blankets, they buy video games online to download now, they prefer online movies to download, they don't play with toys, we stopped scouting, they aren't sports kids other than basketball with friends and skateboarding minimally for recreation.  Middle asked for no food as he is on a health kick and has just lost weight.  

Wish me luck.

[MEmama]

I'm sorry. :(

I have no suggestions or wisdom to share, just virtual holiday hugs.

(( ))

[Chris in VA]

Do they read? Would they like a small photo album of pictures from their childhoods? (We did that for our boys one year--they loved it)

[linders]

57 minutes ago, DawnM said:

#ChristmasMagicGone

#TeensAren'tAsFunAt Christmas

#MissTheMagic

Now I need to figure out what to even get.  They need nothing other than clothes.  They have throw blankets, they buy video games online to download now, they prefer online movies to download, they don't play with toys, we stopped scouting, they aren't sports kids other than basketball with friends and skateboarding minimally for recreation.  Middle asked for no food as he is on a health kick and has just lost weight.  

Wish me luck.

Can I join your Miss-the-Magic party? Feeling pretty sad here, same reasons, plus:

- No one has noticed that they haven't touched the Advent calendar since Day 2

- Hung a few ornaments then called it quits; ditto rolled/cut a few cookies - these used to be cherished family activities

- Last night's "Christmas movie" was DieHard (that was a stretch IMHO)

- After an admittedly rough semester, have announced that all they want to do over break is play video games (I'm not going to let it happen, but there will be much grousing.)

- And the whole gift thing. I bought them an unrequested Lego set just because a major Christmas morning tradition was assembling a new set together right in the middle of the living room mess. I think they will still like that. And per the Hive, I got the Bubble Calendar for DS15 - he still loves popping bubble wrap.

Christmas was always a big deal here, struggling to find a new footing.

 

[Pink and Green Mom]

Same here, Dawn.  We are getting some shore excursions for our upcoming cruise this summer, but no presents under the tree.  DH and I are off to find some little things that no one really wants just so there is some "stuff" under there. 

And Linders, too funny because when I told the kids everyone could pick a Christmas movie to watch today, DS17.5 said Diehard....

[May]

My tree only has two presents under it. Our dear friends sent us a package yesterday which included gifts. DD is living in Japan so Amazon gift cards to her and her DH. Our oldest daughter will receive a transfer of funds to help with her student loan. 🎄

[purpleowl]

For digital gifts, we tend to print out a picture of the game/album/whatever's cover art and wrap that up. Not sure if that's a helpful idea for you, but I thought I'd mention it. 

[DawnM]

1 hour ago, Pink and Green Mom said:

Same here, Dawn.  We are getting some shore excursions for our upcoming cruise this summer, but no presents under the tree.  DH and I are off to find some little things that no one really wants just so there is some "stuff" under there. 

And Linders, too funny because when I told the kids everyone could pick a Christmas movie to watch today, DS17.5 said Diehard....

 

We just got back from "the Walmarts" as the saying goes.......I got a bunch of novelty food items, some Axe for one kid, two belts, a basketball, and then I realized that I ordered a Fitbit Versa smart watch and since middle son has recently gotten into working out and eating better and losing weight, I am going to just give that to him.  He deserves it.  I will get another on a sale if it pops up.

I plan to also pop by the bank and get cash for them.\

I will be insisting that we get a family photo while everyone is home.....and make prints for everyone after Christmas.

 

[Amira]

Dh happened to travel a few weeks ago and picked up some gifts or we would have nothing.  For years though, when oldest ds was little, we didn’t have any presents under the tree because he literally couldn’t stand the anticipation.  He asked us to not put the presents under the tree till he was in bed on Christmas Eve.  That same ds is in college 11000 km away this Christmas.  

[lmrich]

Get a dog or a kitten that will liven up Christmas!! Plus then you will have presents under the tree for next year. My parent's cat and son's dog are getting many presents. My own dog already opened one of hers. At this point, the pets are more fun than the teens!

We are giving ours a trip for Christmas. I just finished making a scavenger hunt that they will do Christmas morning to solve clues to figure out where we are going. We are lucky that we found the one week we could all go somewhere. 

(The shelters are waiving adoption fees for older dogs here.) 

[wintermom]

We have a puppy that chews everything, and have always had cats and dogs, so we never have any presents under the tree until Christmas morning right before everyone gets up. I consider it lucky to just to keep the tree standing with most of the decorations on!

The little presents the kids give each other are definitely the most fun. They tend to go for 100% candy. They know exactly what kind of candy everyone loves best. Priorities are clear here. 😉

[Granny_Weatherwax]

What is under our tree is lopsided. Not literally leaning to the side but 99% are for DGD with a couple for everyone else. Now that my children are young adults (a newlywed and a senior in college) they want or need big ticket items so things were either delivered earlier or money is in their stocking. My college senior (DS) is extremely difficult to buy clothes for due to the same reasons the OP listed. He also prefers to download his games and music. I bought him some token gifts - a travel mug for his long distance drives, an ornament with special meaning, and a book he wanted to read - and put those under the tree just so he would have something. We have a real tree and DH spilled the water one night while filling the stand. I thought I had cleaned it all up but missed that it went toward the book. I rearranged the presents the other day and the book was wet. I unwrapped it and towel dried it but the last 30 or so pages are warped. I'm sad because it's a difficult book to find (translated from German) and I had to order it months ago. Ugh.

Things were so much easier when they were young, 

[DawnM]

49 minutes ago, lmrich said:

Get a dog or a kitten that will liven up Christmas!! Plus then you will have presents under the tree for next year. My parent's cat and son's dog are getting many presents. My own dog already opened one of hers. At this point, the pets are more fun than the teens!

We are giving ours a trip for Christmas. I just finished making a scavenger hunt that they will do Christmas morning to solve clues to figure out where we are going. We are lucky that we found the one week we could all go somewhere. 

(The shelters are waiving adoption fees for older dogs here.) 

 

We have a dog.  And we are in the process of moving.....not getting another pet.

[DawnM]

30 minutes ago, wintermom said:

We have a puppy that chews everything, and have always had cats and dogs, so we never have any presents under the tree until Christmas morning right before everyone gets up. I consider it lucky to just to keep the tree standing with most of the decorations on!

The little presents the kids give each other are definitely the most fun. They tend to go for 100% candy. They know exactly what kind of candy everyone loves best. Priorities are clear here. 😉

 

Yeah, I meant we have no gifts anywhere.

[Ann.without.an.e]

Three of mine are teenagers and they still have presents 🤣  I don't know, I just manage to come up with all sorts of things for them that they will hopefully love or that I know they need 🤷‍♀️. DS needed a new coat and gloves, wireless earbuds, and some shirts.  I also got him some gift cards but I still wrapped them in shirt boxes because I love wrapping gifts.    I also got him a really expensive Carolina Reaper Hot Sauce he's been dying to try, one of those car kits where you can charge it and it will jump your battery and charge your phone, some safety razors, books, etc.

Oldest DD is frustrated that her dorm has no cookware and she loves to cook so I got her some cooking and baking items for her to just keep in her room and use in the community kitchen, clothes, tea infuser cup, loose leaf tea gift set, Pj's etc.

Younger DD got lots of books, a few sweaters/hoodies, some throw pillows that she wanted from Red Bubble, pjs, a loose leaf tea gift set, and a set of Calico Critters (explained in the calico critter post 😂).

I think that I express love through giving so my kids are just stuck with me and they know it ❤️  They might prefer money 🤷‍♀️

[livetoread]

Yes, we are in the same boat. They have a couple of little things I picked up, but they wanted money, and I’m a super practical gift giver (and receiver). I can’t wait for grandkids!

[GailV]

Joining the club, although not due to lack of gifts -- ours has several the kids are giving each other, as well as stuff they're giving us -- most of which will be quirky stuff found at second hand stores, or unique crafts they dreamed up.  Plus they're still amassing "first apartment" type things, so getting a nice linen kitchen towel or some beeswax cloth for food storage is still cool. I think everyone here is getting some books (possibly used) and socks (possibly from the free trade shop).

The big hole here is that older dd is in Philadelphia with a show tour (Grinch). She was in town a couple of weeks ago when the show was here, and unwrapped one heavy book I didn't want to have to ship ... and I just realized yesterday I should've had her take some of the wrapped gifts along to unwrap on Christmas day so she had something.  Yikes, hopefully some of them will do something fun together since it's a dark (no shows in the theater) day. In the meantime, we're here figuring out how to revamp our family traditions -- like, doing the traditional Christmas morning "treasure hunt" with clues in rhyming verse seems wrong without her.

Oh, and I think the entire Die Hard As Christmas Movie discussion is HILARIOUS.  I've seen some fantastic memes this year, including one posted by one of my many clerical relatives explaining that it wasn't originally a Christmas movie but Constantine changed the script in 336 to align it with the Sol Invictus festival.  You might want to look up Jake Tapper's classic twitter thread on the subject, which begins:

'Twas the night before Christmas 

At  Nakatomi Tower

When our story of homecoming 

Begins with brute power.

At Los Angeles airport, meet our savior, McClaine;

With toys for his kids, he disembarks from his plane. 

To not see that this tale's about Christmas is folly; 

Did I mention that Mrs. McClane's name is Holly?

 

[Critterfixer]

Us either. Boys wanted gift cards, DH and I didn't feel like exchanging money. No tree, not even any stockings this year. No decorations because the mantle is displaying model ships this year.

I am actually pretty happy, though. I have nothing to put away or clean around! 

[Ali in OR]

I'm guessing teen girls are easier. Mine put together lists in November--lots of Ulta and clothing. Even if they didn't give me a list, I can usually identify things they need or will need. But then I use Christmas to get things that other people might get all through the year. We don't do much back-to-school clothes shopping but hit the Black Friday sales to fill in wardrobe needs for instance. And their sizes are very consistent--easy to shop for.

[DawnM]

37 minutes ago, Attolia said:

Three of mine are teenagers and they still have presents 🤣  I don't know, I just manage to come up with all sorts of things for them that they will hopefully love or that I know they need 🤷‍♀️. DS needed a new coat and gloves, wireless earbuds, and some shirts.  I also got him some gift cards but I still wrapped them in shirt boxes because I love wrapping gifts.    I also got him a really expensive Carolina Reaper Hot Sauce he's been dying to try, one of those car kits where you can charge it and it will jump your battery and charge your phone, some safety razors, books, etc.

Oldest DD is frustrated that her dorm has no cookware and she loves to cook so I got her some cooking and baking items for her to just keep in her room and use in the community kitchen, clothes, tea infuser cup, loose leaf tea gift set, Pj's etc.

Younger DD got lots of books, a few sweaters/hoodies, some throw pillows that she wanted from Red Bubble, pjs, a loose leaf tea gift set, and a set of Calico Critters (explained in the calico critter post 😂).

I think that I express love through giving so my kids are just stuck with me and they know it ❤️  They might prefer money 🤷‍♀️

 

Ah!  And gifts are not my love language.....TIME is.....I would much prefer just having more time with my kids and talking.  

And I hate giving things they won't use.  I love my middle son, but he never gives me any hints.  Last year I bought him some lightweight sweat pants.  He never used them.  They now don't fit him.  He has lost too much weight.  So, I found them in his closet recently and my husband now uses them.  I wish he had told me, we could have returned them.

I now have a few things, I am heading down to wrap them in a bit.

[gardenmom5]

when I've done money - I'll find a creative way to wrap it.  for 1ds birthday - I put it in a pizza box.  "you can't live by pizza alone, sometimes you need dough'

for other small objects - but works for money. . . . it box within box withing box within box.. . . let that be a lesson to them to actually ask for something!

1 and 2 dss are both college.  they have clear "cookie jar" oxo containers - and I'll fill them with appropriate snacks.

[hippiemamato3]

3 hours ago, DawnM said:

 

Yeah, I meant we have no gifts anywhere.

Do you and DH not buy for each other? Maybe it's time to start!

[Wheres Toto]

Die Hard as a Christmas movie seems to be a big thing this year.  

Oldest dd got a bed for Christmas.  They were on sale at BJs around Thanksgiving so she already has it and is sleeping on it.  I wanted her to have something to open so I went with a bunch of fun office supplies. She's in grad school but I tend to go with pens, etc. anyone because most people can at least use them.  Things like thumbs up shaped post-its, fun magnet clips, neon colored legal pads, mini composition notebooks, fun colored pens.   I also do the fall-backs - gloves, warm socks, and candy.

Dh and I don't tend to buy much for each other and very few surprises.  Usually something we need for the house - a new comforter or vacuum cleaner.  So our stuff doesn't make much of a difference.  He's getting cologne, I'm getting a ring.  

[frogger]

It is harder when they are older but this year our magic is back. Mostly, because when you have been separated and booted from your house being all together in your own home becomes it's own Christmas magic. 

 

I tend to find ways to wrap the unwrapable. Downloads are coupons rolled up and wrapped candy style. DS just wanted help paying for his black belt test so I attached cash to a black dress belt (which he didn't ask for but needs) and a joke about I found him a cheaper black belt. 

I love the pizza box idea. 

 

We also always have a family gift. Often cooking stuff, a nice knife, wooden spoons, or a book for reading aloud together. 

[Catwoman]

5 hours ago, Amira said:

Dh happened to travel a few weeks ago and picked up some gifts or we would have nothing.  For years though, when oldest ds was little, we didn’t have any presents under the tree because he literally couldn’t stand the anticipation.  He asked us to not put the presents under the tree till he was in bed on Christmas Eve.  That same ds is in college 11000 km away this Christmas.  

 

I never put presents under the tree until everyone else is in bed on Christmas Eve, and I’m usually up until at least 5:00 am arranging all of the packages exactly right.

I have issues. 😉

 

[Catwoman]

4 hours ago, Attolia said:

Three of mine are teenagers and they still have presents 🤣  I don't know, I just manage to come up with all sorts of things for them that they will hopefully love or that I know they need 🤷‍♀️. DS needed a new coat and gloves, wireless earbuds, and some shirts.  I also got him some gift cards but I still wrapped them in shirt boxes because I love wrapping gifts.    I also got him a really expensive Carolina Reaper Hot Sauce he's been dying to try, one of those car kits where you can charge it and it will jump your battery and charge your phone, some safety razors, books, etc.

Oldest DD is frustrated that her dorm has no cookware and she loves to cook so I got her some cooking and baking items for her to just keep in her room and use in the community kitchen, clothes, tea infuser cup, loose leaf tea gift set, Pj's etc.

Younger DD got lots of books, a few sweaters/hoodies, some throw pillows that she wanted from Red Bubble, pjs, a loose leaf tea gift set, and a set of Calico Critters (explained in the calico critter post 😂).

I think that I express love through giving so my kids are just stuck with me and they know it ❤️  They might prefer money 🤷‍♀️

 

I love buying gifts and my ds18 still loves opening a ton of presents on Christmas morning, so the Christmas magic is still alive and well at our house. And ds and dh are big gift shoppers, too, so we are all spending a lot of time wrapping gifts for each other. 

Every year, I swear I will get my wrapping done early, and every year I am down to the wire in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve rushing to finish. But I love it, so it’s fine. 🙂

[Rosie_0801]

22 minutes ago, Eliana said:

This isn't my faith or cultural realm, so I might be missing something, but I don't understand why there would need to be physical presents under your tree if you are all happy with the gifting arrangements otherwise?   

 

You're missing the nostalgia. 🙂

[DawnM]

32 minutes ago, Eliana said:

This isn't my faith or cultural realm, so I might be missing something, but I don't understand why there would need to be physical presents under your tree if you are all happy with the gifting arrangements otherwise?   

 

It doesn't have to be your faith or your culture to understand what is the norm at Christmas.  It is a lot of fun.....well, except for teen.....😜  But Christmas is a lot of fun for religious and non-religious Western Cultures.

Surely your culture and/or religion has something that, if not done, would be missed?  

Not sure how else to explain it if you have no idea what Christmas is like.

[readinmom]

I feel you on this...older two sons are cash people, as well.  Dd15 wanted a puppy, and that's not happening (we have 2 dogs).  I did the read, wear, need, want thing, along with a board game for each.  I was going to bake them some items but will probably wait until the weekend when extended family gets together.

Both dh and I were commenting on how it was so exciting when they were younger, no matter what they opened.  It's just different now...

 

[DawnM]

55 minutes ago, readinmom said:

I feel you on this...older two sons are cash people, as well.  Dd15 wanted a puppy, and that's not happening (we have 2 dogs).  I did the read, wear, need, want thing, along with a board game for each.  I was going to bake them some items but will probably wait until the weekend when extended family gets together.

Both dh and I were commenting on how it was so exciting when they were younger, no matter what they opened.  It's just different now...

 

 

You know what Christmas my kids thought was the best ever?  The one I ended up getting all of their gifts from yard sales!  They still talk about it.  I think that was about 10 years ago.  We were on one income, we had just had our heat pump die, a $7,000 charge that we didn't have $$ for.  And we just didn't have the $$.  I spent every weekend going to yard sales and found some fantastic deals on new and barely used stuff......lots of legos, some nerf guns, some race car type toys, and I don't remember what else......but they thought it was the best ever.....lots of stuff to open.

Memories......sigh.

[Rosie_0801]

In contrast, I've just ordered a boxed set of Dickens for dd for next Christmas. I've never been so efficient in my Christmas shopping...

(She loved the kiddie version I bought her, but politely didn't say she thought it was kind of lame and I should have bought the originals.)

Now I know there will be something to buy a Christmas tree for next year. 😂

[DawnM]

7 minutes ago, Eliana said:

That makes sense.  Thank you!

I probably don't have a realistic sense of what it is like, and certainly not of which pieces have sentimental meaning not connected to their function.  I think I am hearing that the physical, wrapped objects have emotional meaning for you that isn't connected to the gift giving itself.   (I think I had been tentatively wondering if you were being stuck in an expression that no longer had meaning, but it sounds as if that's not at all the case.)

 

I have been trying to think of something analogous for me, but haven't come up with anything yet.  We have left behind a few aspects of celebrating some holidays as our family has aged and shifted, but nothing that I have grieved or missed.   There are certainly things I would deeply miss that aren't actually intrinsic to the religious aspects - certain foods or little customs - but they don't have the centrality I am hearing here of gifts for your holiday, so shifting would feel less distressing than it sounds as if this is being for you.

 

(((Dawn))).  I hope your celebration ends up being fun and joyful (despite the teens!)  Thanks for your patience with my confusion!

 

What culture and religion are you?  I guess I thought you were somehow connected to the Western World.

I am really not going to explain further, I feel like I am being put down for wanting some physical and yes, materialistic things.....but I feel like I am being painted as thinking that those are THE meaning of Christmas for me......they aren't....but not sure I can convey that to you. 

Every culture I have ever encountered has some form. of celebration that has ritual and meaning, so I am clearly not getting the "I have nothing" idea.  

[mommyoffive]

Funny how it goes right?   When they are younger it is so fun to watch them open anything.  They are so excited and happy.  But you are stressed because there is so much that goes into that.  The thinking of what to get, shopping, wrapping and keeping it from them.   I bet to young parents not having to do any of that would sound like a dream come true.  Then your kids grow up and don't want that you miss it.  

 

[readinmom]

1 hour ago, DawnM said:

 

You know what Christmas my kids thought was the best ever?  The one I ended up getting all of their gifts from yard sales!  They still talk about it.  I think that was about 10 years ago.  We were on one income, we had just had our heat pump die, a $7,000 charge that we didn't have $$ for.  And we just didn't have the $$.  I spent every weekend going to yard sales and found some fantastic deals on new and barely used stuff......lots of legos, some nerf guns, some race car type toys, and I don't remember what else......but they thought it was the best ever.....lots of stuff to open.

Memories......sigh.

Wow!  This is so strange...the same thing with us back in the day.  My former bff and I were regular yard salers, and I was able to sock away books, legos, Tonka trucks, almost all brand new.  The one splurge was a failed eBay bid where the person offered me a second chance purchase.  It was a tad, giant (GIANT) box of Star Wars figures, and ds2 climbed in the box and did not reappear until breakfast.  These were the best times!  How funny that we both have had the same experiences...

[Catwoman]

1 hour ago, Eliana said:

That makes sense.  Thank you!

I probably don't have a realistic sense of what it is like, and certainly not of which pieces have sentimental meaning not connected to their function.  I think I am hearing that the physical, wrapped objects have emotional meaning for you that isn't connected to the gift giving itself.   (I think I had been tentatively wondering if you were being stuck in an expression that no longer had meaning, but it sounds as if that's not at all the case.)

 

I have been trying to think of something analogous for me, but haven't come up with anything yet.  We have left behind a few aspects of celebrating some holidays as our family has aged and shifted, but nothing that I have grieved or missed.   There are certainly things I would deeply miss that aren't actually intrinsic to the religious aspects - certain foods or little customs - but they don't have the centrality I am hearing here of gifts for your holiday, so shifting would feel less distressing than it sounds as if this is being for you.

 

(((Dawn))).  I hope your celebration ends up being fun and joyful (despite the teens!)  Thanks for your patience with my confusion!

 

Do you celebrate birthdays with gifts and cake and/or a party? It’s sort of like that, only MORE.  🙂

[Liz CA]

2 minutes ago, Eliana said:

I'm an Orthodox Jew living in the United States, so yes, in the Western World, but without more than very passing familiarity with your traditions or faith in general or this holiday in specific.

I intended (and still intend!) no criticism at all.   I was genuinely confused about whether you wanted to be getting physical gifts, and if so what meaning they had to you.   As I said above, I first thought that you might be doing something you didn't really want to in order to tick a required-feeling box, but that was clarified, and (again as I said above) I hope you have lovely time.  

That I don't relate to your culture's specific practices or understand their significance is not a criticism, in any way. 

 

I was not intending to imply it was the meaning of the holiday for you, just that it seems to be, for some people, significant in ways that don't make instinctive sense to me (which is fine!) and for which I don't have an analogy in my own life.   I like to save tulips for the fresh flowers I have for Pesach, to read Chelm stories aloud on Chanukah, and so on, but lacking those wouldn't be the same kind of distressing.    There are things that are core observances of a holiday - hearing the shofar on Rosh Hashanah, for example, or eating matzah at the seder, but that is more central than I was assuming gift giving would be for someone religious who was observing tomorrow.

 

I am very sorry that you felt criticized by my curiosity.  I am sorry that I expressed myself so ineptly, and that I intruded on your holiday joy. 

 

That was the first analogy I tried for in my head, but in those cases, having physical things to unwrap doesn't have major significance, and we've done birthday trips or experiences, for example, without any sadness or feeling of let-down.  

 

I am okay with not understanding and am sorry I intruded on Dawn's thread.  ....but thank you for trying to help me understand at least a little more. I do know more now that I had before.  I hadn't really understood that there is nostalgia and emotion and such wrapped up in the physical set-up and the gifting process.   This thread, and a couple of other recent ones, have given me glimpses into a very foreign-to-me culture (despite having lived in the States for my entire adult life!) and some of your posts in particular, Cat, have helped me see those perspectives.

 

I hope everyone who celebrates has a joyful time with just the right balance of physical gifts and all the other accoutrements of the day, whatever those might be for your families!

 

You did not intrude, you just asked a question. Dawn is perhaps a little raw around the edges and defensive right now. And not everyone feels actual packages have to be there. My dh would be like Dawn and want to see something under the tree. I get more into the meaning of Christmas  (Christ's birth, significant for me as he was born to walk the earth, experience joy and pain and perform miracles before he died for our sins on the cross) for myself even though I enjoy getting something.

[KidsHappen]

I don't even have a tree. No tree, no presents, no kids. We aren't even getting together to celebrate until the 5th of January and then it's just going to be presents for the grandkids and the rest of us are spending our money on food, drink and games so that we an eat, drink and be merry. Meanwhile, tomorrow my hubby and I are going to the movies and then getting chinese food. We are happy with the plan but it does kind of make Christmas anti-climatic.

[J-rap]

I think it's fun to change up traditions, and a good time to do that is as kids get older.  So you kind of "shift" the magic from presents to other things.  I get what you mean though!  I always loved finding just the right things for my kids when they were younger.  My kids are all young adults now, and several of them consider themselves minimalists and are very careful about what they have.  I know they'd be fine with no presents at all!  We mostly get them experiences now, like tickets to a particular concert or show or a fun class...  But I do still like to surprise them with a real gift or two.  For example, if you google "tech gifts" or something like that, you'll find all sorts of things you didn't know existed that look really fun!  I find it kind of a challenge to find something that my kids are not expecting or asking for or thinking about, but they end up liking.  🙂  

But, the magic for us really is changing now that they're older.  We spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day late afternoon with large extended families, but have carved out a few hours just for us on early Christmas Day afternoon.  We gather in my dd's tiny apartment and eat homemade soup and drink wine (just a little  ;-)) and talk and laugh.  It has become truly a special time for us, and is what we look forward to the most as far as Christmas celebrations.  That has become our magic.

So, I definitely know what you mean, but hopefully that will slowly shift to other things.

[DawnM]

8 hours ago, Liz CA said:

 

You did not intrude, you just asked a question. Dawn is perhaps a little raw around the edges and defensive right now. And not everyone feels actual packages have to be there. My dh would be like Dawn and want to see something under the tree. I get more into the meaning of Christmas  (Christ's birth, significant for me as he was born to walk the earth, experience joy and pain and perform miracles before he died for our sins on the cross) for myself even though I enjoy getting something.

 

I had many years as a single woman with no gifts.  I was absolutely fine with it.  And DH and I only exchange one or two things if at all.  And they are small and typically practical.  Last year I got DH a car waxing kit for example.  Stuff he would have bought for himself in January anyway!

Christmas has just been so fun with kids......and the presents under the tree are really all about the kids and watching them get excited.  But that excitement is gone.  I get it, they are growing up, it isn't as magical.   I guess now I wait for grandkids.  😜  And it is fun even if they are practical items!   My son actually said last night, "You got us packs of underwear and socks, right?"

Now to wait another 3-4 hours for teens to actually get up! 🤣

And, for the record, I don't think gift giving is taking away from Christ's birth or resurrection, I actually have a lot more to say about it, but that wasn't the purpose of this thread, so I will just leave it at that.

Edited December 25, 2018 by DawnM

[Acorn]

Merry Christmas Dawn. 

At 7:30 am, I heard a young teen get up, and was hoping he would wake the rest of the family. Instead, he told me he was only awake because of hunger. He got a quick snack and went back to bed. 

It’s definitely not the years of the 4:30 am wake ups to rush to stockings.

[Selkie]

It definitely was so much fun having little ones at Christmas, but now I'm loving Christmas with teens and young adults. It is all the joy and fun of being together, but so much more relaxed than when they were little. There's no more mile-long list of "must-do" holiday items and events - now we mostly just hang out together, eat good food, watch movies, and enjoy each other's company. We still have tons of presents under the tree, too! 

[Halftime Hope]

Very few presents here, as our family gift to each other will be travel in the next few months. But ds and his wife came into town very late last night, spent the night, had ebelskivers with us for breakfast, opened stockings (ddil got her "family" stocking) and we played a card game.  Then they were off to her folks, and that's it for "Christmas". 

It was a lovely morning, and I'm grateful that they made time with us.  I'll finally get to a bit of Christmas baking this afternoon.  😉  

[KidsHappen]

7 hours ago, DawnM said:

 

I had many years as a single woman with no gifts.  I was absolutely fine with it.  And DH and I only exchange one or two things if at all.  And they are small and typically practical.  Last year I got DH a car waxing kit for example.  Stuff he would have bought for himself in January anyway!

Christmas has just been so fun with kids......and the presents under the tree are really all about the kids and watching them get excited.  But that excitement is gone.  I get it, they are growing up, it isn't as magical.   I guess now I wait for grandkids.  😜  And it is fun even if they are practical items!   My son actually said last night, "You got us packs of underwear and socks, right?"

Now to wait another 3-4 hours for teens to actually get up! 🤣

And, for the record, I don't think gift giving is taking away from Christ's birth or resurrection, I actually have a lot more to say about it, but that wasn't the purpose of this thread, so I will just leave it at that.

Grandkids really do help. I have three right now and that is the part I am looking forward to the most when we get together.

[DawnM]

Just now, KidsHappen said:

Grandkids really do help. I have three right now and that is the part I am looking forward to the most when we get together.

 

That may be a very long time away.  Sigh.  

[sheryl]

On ‎12‎/‎24‎/‎2018 at 6:04 PM, Eliana said:

That makes sense.  Thank you!

I probably don't have a realistic sense of what it is like, and certainly not of which pieces have sentimental meaning not connected to their function.  I think I am hearing that the physical, wrapped objects have emotional meaning for you that isn't connected to the gift giving itself.   (I think I had been tentatively wondering if you were being stuck in an expression that no longer had meaning, but it sounds as if that's not at all the case.)

 

I have been trying to think of something analogous for me, but haven't come up with anything yet.  We have left behind a few aspects of celebrating some holidays as our family has aged and shifted, but nothing that I have grieved or missed.   There are certainly things I would deeply miss that aren't actually intrinsic to the religious aspects - certain foods or little customs - but they don't have the centrality I am hearing here of gifts for your holiday, so shifting would feel less distressing than it sounds as if this is being for you.

 

(((Dawn))).  I hope your celebration ends up being fun and joyful (despite the teens!)  Thanks for your patience with my confusion!

I probably should not jump in to this thread but I don't understand.  Our Jewish friends celebrate Hanukkah.  The Mom buys gifts for all 8 days (8 days I believe) as I think she said that's the custom.  Wouldn't the emotional response to open a gift for Hanukkah be analogous to opening one for Christmas?

[sheryl]

18 minutes ago, Eliana said:

Gift giving isn't a traditional part of Hanukkah and is not part of my family's celebration. 

There are families and communities which have added it, largely in response to living in a dominant culture with so much seasonal pressure around it and concerns that children will feel left out.  In Orthodox communities this is much less common, probably because we are more insular and our children are less likely to be in public schools where they would be encountering the comparison.  (Also, I would imagine because for us Hanukkah is a very minor holiday, but that's a whole different conversation!).  

 

OK, I hear what you're saying but it's what is practiced now by some Jewish people, including my friend and her family.   I will say I learned from your reply the reasoning behind it which is interesting.  Right, Hanukkah is not a major feast but Jesus (my Lord) observed the celebration of the Festival of Lights!

Jesus Celebrates Hanukkah

The Lord Jesus observed the celebration of Hanukkah in the Temple during the winter of AD 29 (Jn 10:22–39). Just prior to this account in John 10, the Apostle John gives two “illustrations” (10:6) of Jesus as the Good Shepherd (10:1–5 and 10:7–10) and records Jesus’ interpretation of these parables (10:11–18).

It might not be tradition although it's rooted in "gelt", no?  Still, I get what you're saying. Thanks for sharing!  

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

On 12/24/2018 at 12:06 PM, Eliana said:

This isn't my faith or cultural realm, so I might be missing something, but I don't understand why there would need to be physical presents under your tree if you are all happy with the gifting arrangements otherwise?   

Eliana - FOR ME, the gift giving isn't part of my faith.  (I know other Christians who do tie it to the gifts that the three kings gave etc. but for me, that is a stretch.)  We enjoy gifts as a cultural thing (which you also mentioned).  And part of that is the idea of caring for others by giving to them.  For that reason (again - FOR ME), the obligatory gifts I get from people don't mean so much but the more thoughtful gifts that I get in my immediate family do mean a lot.  And that is why my Aspie's thoughtfulness yesterday meant a whole bunch to me because he struggles with the social aspect of this.  (His gift to me was hooking me up to Netflix and teaching me how to use it so that I can binge watch my latest obsession).