Dinner Rules

[Elizabeth86]

Does your family adhere to strict dinner rules like eat this or starve. Make a full or partial special meal for picky eaters? Have everyone try 1 bite of everything and then choose something healthy to supplement if they didnt like dinner. We are in apicky phase right right now and it seems steamed broccoli is the only thing we all agree on and sometimes the only thing ds 1 will eat for dinner. I hate to be eat this or go hungry type because there are meals I dont want to eat more than 1 bite of, but I do expect everyone to try dinner. A few hours after I let them eat a healthy snack. I guess I shouldnt but Im a softie. What do you do in your home?

[SparklyUnicorn]

No dinner rules here. 

 

 

[MEmama]

Nope. No rules here.

[JenneinCA]

I have extreme picky eaters that would rather starve than eat offending food. They can choose to not eat the meal prepared but they must make their own something else and that means clean up too.

[regentrude]

I have an extremely picky eater who is strong willed, and I have chosen not to make the dinner table into a battle ground. It is more important to me that my children associate meals with pleasant family time than that they eat what I put on their plate. I could only force DS to eat vegetables if I literally starved him.

 

For many years, I have been serving modular meals that consist of separate components, and family members are free to choose the parts they like and leave out the parts they don't. I make sure always to include some parts DS does eat, and he does not have to partake of the dishes he hates. This way, we all eat together, have family time, and it is no extra work to make sure everybody finds something they like.

 

I have never found the "parenting advice" to make them try everything/hide the offending food in sauce/make them help cook so they will eat to be useful for my child. Maybe other people have children who don't taste the offending food when it is hidden, or who can be bribed/coaxed/threatened into eating. Won't work for mine. I have saved myself a lot of trouble by accepting it.

 

There is hope; his repertoire of foods has greatly expanded and he can now eat in a restaurant, can have foods touch each other, can move the offeding food to the side and eat the rest of the food on the plate. Be patient.

[jewellsmommy]

If I am making something that one or more people won't eat, I make sure to make something else that they will. With a variety of items, it's not a big deal if someone wants to skip something. If there is a brand new recipe or food, we do insist on a one bite trial before rejecting the food. There is always a pb and j if nothing else is agreeable.

 

 

ETA: if the new recipe has "offending" foods in it, then a trial bite is not requested. I am quite sensitive to not wanting to have a food I know I don't like and certainly won't make someone else eat something we already know they don't like.

 

I want dinner to be pleasant, and the last thing I want is ugly comments, gagging noises, or frustrating moments. Thankfully, no one has starved yet.  :lol:  We also consider cereal to be a legitimate dessert choice if all else fails.  :tongue_smilie:

 

Edited June 7, 2017 by jewellsmommy

[jewellsmommy]

ETA; ack, computer malfunction (or person malfunction-hard to say which): duplicate post

Edited June 7, 2017 by jewellsmommy

[tdbates78]

I have extremely picky, tiny girls who would starve if I didn't offer them something they would eat. Both have been in and out of (useless) feeding therapy.

[Desert Strawberry]

My rule is eat it or don't. they don't have to eat anything. but I don't want to hear whining, complaining, negotiating. If there is a specific food someone really doesn't like, I won't serve it to that kid. For instance, Sagg didn't like eggs, so I didn't give him eggs. No one like zucchini, so I only prepare it for myself. My kids have a part in the shopping, meal planning and cooking, as much involvement as they would like. 

 

I only have one picky eater. He has no food allergies, intolerances, is healthy and neurotypical. 

 

Edit: I serve mostly one-pot type meals. Soups, stews, pasta, casseroles, salads. There isn't much opportunity to just take the parts you want.

 

They feed themselves breakfast and lunch. They have access to healthy snacks whenever they want. 

Edited June 7, 2017 by Desert Strawberry

[SparklyUnicorn]

One of mine is extremely picky.  He makes his own food.  I hate food battles and refuse to engage in them. 

[EMS83]

I don't really think there's a right or wrong here, so while I do the following, I don't think it's THE way or even the best way.  It's just my way.  ;)  But I'm an "eat this or see you at breakfast" mom.  I try to have sides and such that there's at least on thing on the table any given person will like, but that's as far as I go.  I don't burn dinner, I'm not serving snails, and I'm not a short order cook.  :)  On the flip side, I don't put food on their plate that they don't ask for, and I don't guilt trip them for not liking something.  It's just matter of fact, "this is what's for dinner."  Uneaten food is fed to the chickens.  Dessert, when we have it, is not tied to who ate what.  We start all over the next day.  :)  I try to sneak things like spinach and kale into smoothies and such, to give the pickier ones a nutrient boost.  Whole wheat and cane sugar for baked goods, and I try to keep in mind who likes what regarding fruits and veggies (making a spreadsheet if I can't keep it straight in my head).  HTH, and good luck finding what works for y'all!

[Elizabeth86]

I have an extremely picky eater who is strong willed, and I have chosen not to make the dinner table into a battle ground. It is more important to me that my children associate meals with pleasant family time than that they eat what I put on their plate. I could only force DS to eat vegetables if I literally starved him.

 

For many years, I have been serving modular meals that consist of separate components, and family members are free to choose the parts they like and leave out the parts they don't. I make sure always to include some parts DS does eat, and he does not have to partake of the dishes he hates. This way, we all eat together, have family time, and it is no extra work to make sure everybody finds something they like.

 

I have never found the "parenting advice" to make them try everything/hide the offending food in sauce/make them help cook so they will eat to be useful for my child. Maybe other people have children who don't taste the offending food when it is hidden, or who can be bribed/coaxed/threatened into eating. Won't work for mine. I have saved myself a lot of trouble by accepting it.

 

There is hope; his repertoire of foods has greatly expanded and he can now eat in a restaurant, can have foods touch each other, can move the offeding food to the side and eat the rest of the food on the plate. Be patient.

Modular meals with separate components sounds just like what I need. Any specific ideas you care to share? If I had any 1 of my 3 kids the meal wouldnt be too bad, but their favorites are quite different. Ny first son love fruits and veggies anyway, but he basically hates all meats, beans, cheese, pasta,sauces. My second son eats all meats as long as there is honey mustard sauce, a few cooked veggies, barely any fruit, some grains. The baby would just rather nurse than eat. Can ya tell we just had a not so popular dinner tonught?

[Night Elf]

I have a picky eater and yes, it can make preparing meals frustrating. I never forced my kids to try anything they didn't want to try. I encouraged tasting but most certainly wasn't going to let it become a negative experience. When the kids were young, I helped them prepare food if they didn't like what I had made. There is always something acceptable to eat even if it's just eggs or oatmeal. So no, we have never had hard and fast dinner rules.

[regentrude]

Modular meals with separate components sounds just like what I need. Any specific ideas you care to share? If I had any 1 of my 3 kids the meal wouldnt be too bad, but their favorites are quite different. Ny first son love fruits and veggies anyway, but he basically hates all meats, beans, cheese, pasta,sauces. My second son eats all meats as long as there is honey mustard sauce, a few cooked veggies, barely any fruit, some grains. The baby would just rather nurse than eat. Can ya tell we just had a not so popular dinner tonught?

 

Most of our meals are starch/meat/vegetable.

Rice or pasta /chicken, beef, or salmon, prepared in different ways  /stir fried, steamed, or roasted veggies or salad

Pasta sauces are served separately.

 

I don't like meat. DS loves meat but does not eat veggies. DH and DD eat everything.

 

Only very recently I have been able to serve soup from which DS will simply remove the offending veggies (I make sure not to chop them too fine but leave big chunks so he can take out every bit of carrot)

 

We always have plenty of fruit for snacks. 

Edited June 7, 2017 by regentrude

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't really think there's a right or wrong here, so while I do the following, I don't think it's THE way or even the best way.

 

Absolutely.  There is normal kid pickiness and then there are extreme levels of pickiness.  One of my kids is "normal".  If he hems and haws I can say, sorry this is what is for dinner tonight and that's the end of it he eats it no problem.  We all have moments we don't feel like eating a certain thing right?!  And they don't tend to have control over this.  But then my other kid, I had to do things differently.  It was turning into crazy horrible battles.  I didn't want to turn dinner into some sort of crazy nightmare time.  So I didn't.  I did my best to deal with the kids I have.  I'm not out to prove my dominance over my children at all costs.  That's just not right in my mind. 

[goldberry]

An odd conversation that happened recently... when we go to someone else's house, I always told DD when small to taste the food, but if she didn't like it she didn't have to eat it.  Do her best to push it around a bit, and don't say anything.  If asked, she should say, "I appreciate the effort you put into making this, it's just not really my taste."  She could eat something later at home.

 

At home, I never made separate food for her, but she was always able to make herself a PBJ sandwich if she really didn't like something we were eating.

 

We were discussing recently, and she was telling someone else, "our rule at other people's houses was to try the food, but if it was really bad I could ask for a PBJ sandwich."  At another person's house??  I NEVER would have told her that.  She swears up and down that I did.  How do these kids re-imagine things like that?

[Arcadia]

My side of the family is filled with beanpole picky supertaster eaters who could go days without food. The only meals rule my extended family have was eat what is offered or cook your own. My gag reflex is bad so my aunt would specially cook for me whenever I ate at her home which was almost daily.

 

My in-laws have a eat or starve rule but they gave up when my kids just won't eat. The problem with a eat or starve rule for my side of the family is that we forget how to feel hungry. We have workaholic tendencies and think of food only when bored. So we can forget to eat. My in-laws live to eat and just can't understand that we can forget to eat. My husband eat to live despite his parents love for food.

[EMS83]

An odd conversation that happened recently... when we go to someone else's house, I always told DD when small to taste the food, but if she didn't like it she didn't have to eat it.  Do her best to push it around a bit, and don't say anything.  If asked, she should say, "I appreciate the effort you put into making this, it's just not really my taste."  She could eat something later at home.

 

At home, I never made separate food for her, but she was always able to make herself a PBJ sandwich if she really didn't like something we were eating.

 

We were discussing recently, and she was telling someone else, "our rule at other people's houses was to try the food, but if it was really bad I could ask for a PBJ sandwich."  At another person's house??  I NEVER would have told her that.  She swears up and down that I did.  How do these kids re-imagine things like that?

:lol:   I have no idea, but mine are fairly adept at it, as well.

[CadenceSophia]

We are a carb/meat/vegetable family, often multiple vegetables. I do make my kids take a "no thank you" bite. We have a huge huge number of conflicting food allergies and although I am very sympathetic to personal preference, I have no ability to cater to it. I don't allow complaining. The fact that I got a hot meal on the table that no one is allergic to deserves applause. You don't have to like it but you better be grateful you have the option to be picky. If I really know some or all of the kids might not like dinner, I will feed them a big snack at 4:30. Dinner is at 6:30 or 7 and the only things that can be eaten instead of or after dinner are fruits and vegetables.

[BarbecueMom]

My only hard and fast rule is that you can't complain about being served foods you do like, just because I served it and you had no initial say in it. I swear I could give DS7 his favorite ice cream, and he'd complain about it. Because he didn't ask for it first. When he grows up, he can be a control freak. Until then, that's my title.

[HTRMom]

You can only eat what I'm serving for dinner between dinner and breakfast the next day, unless there's a planned dessert. Eat as much or as little as you like; no seconds if you haven't eaten some of everything. (Always preferences in my house, we have no real aversions.)

 

You must sit at the table for 15 minutes with no activities but eating and talking.

 

Use reasonably good manners as age appropriate.

 

That's about it. I'm not hard-line on any of them. There is almost no food that either of my boys won't eat, so I'm blessed in not really worrying about alternate food for starving toddlers.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Edited June 7, 2017 by HTRMom

[Greta]

My Mom had a "you don't leave the table until you've cleaned your plate" rule (and we were required to put some of everything onto our plates) and I hated it.  I understand it better now.  She grew up poor, so to her it just seemed wasteful.  I respect that.  But I did not want to force my daughter to eat food that she didn't want. 

 

I also, however, didn't want her to be a picky eater - though I honestly have no idea if that's a nature or nurture issue.  But I thought I would do what I could for the "nurture" end of things.  So my rule was that she had to try one bite of any new food that she hadn't tried before.  If she didn't like it, there was no judgment, no issue made of it at all, just move on and eat the other things offered.  She was welcome to help herself to anything in the fridge or pantry if she didn't want what that was being offered, but she had to prepare it herself.  

 

I think it worked out pretty well, though I realize that is more likely do to her personality than my parenting skills!  She's very open minded about food, and loves trying new things.  She's appreciative of what's offered, and thanks me for every meal. 

[SKL]

As soon as my kids were old enough to come up with some food on their own, they were free to do so.  I do expect them to eat if they originally said they wanted some, or served it to themselves.  But what am I gonna do, stuff it down their throats?  :P  I focus on what's considerate to the cook.

 

That said, they are the cook half of the time.  :)

[Pawz4me]

Other than basic manners like no talking with food in your mouth and using utensils properly we don't have any food rules that I can think of. For dinner it's pretty much "you can eat what I prepare or I'll fix you something simple" (or they could do it themselves when they were old enough). If you snack/fix something yourself then tidy up the kitchen when you're done is the closest thing we have to a rule, I guess. :lol: Having gone through an eating disorder in my 20's the last thing on earth I'm ever gonna do is get all legalistic with trying to control anyone's eating. Much better for them to learn how to manage that themselves. I've always tried to provide healthy options (and yes, there's always been some amount of junk available, too) and try to gently guide them towards the healthier stuff the majority of the time. But what and when they eat has almost always been left up to them.

[Wheres Toto]

I have an extremely picky eater who is strong willed, and I have chosen not to make the dinner table into a battle ground. It is more important to me that my children associate meals with pleasant family time than that they eat what I put on their plate. I could only force DS to eat vegetables if I literally starved him.

 

For many years, I have been serving modular meals that consist of separate components, and family members are free to choose the parts they like and leave out the parts they don't. I make sure always to include some parts DS does eat, and he does not have to partake of the dishes he hates. This way, we all eat together, have family time, and it is no extra work to make sure everybody finds something they like.

 

I have never found the "parenting advice" to make them try everything/hide the offending food in sauce/make them help cook so they will eat to be useful for my child. Maybe other people have children who don't taste the offending food when it is hidden, or who can be bribed/coaxed/threatened into eating. Won't work for mine. I have saved myself a lot of trouble by accepting it.

 

There is hope; his repertoire of foods has greatly expanded and he can now eat in a restaurant, can have foods touch each other, can move the offeding food to the side and eat the rest of the food on the plate. Be patient.

 

We are dealing with a very picky eater with sensory issues.  When he was younger, he never felt hungry so making him go without wouldn't do any good.  He liked to eat according to the clock - certain meals needed to be at certain times.

 

We have had some limited success with hiding foods.  Dh makes pasta sauce loaded with veggies, purees it super-fine and puts it through a strainer to make it acceptable.  It was a slow, gradual process of adding things one at a time, in small amounts.

 

He has gotten more willing to try things as he's gotten older, especially now that he seems to be in that "teenage boy" phase of eating constantly.  He ate pancakes for the first time while we were camping because although he's never eaten breakfast in the past he was "starving".  

 

My Mom had a "you don't leave the table until you've cleaned your plate" rule (and we were required to put some of everything onto our plates) and I hated it.  I understand it better now.  She grew up poor, so to her it just seemed wasteful.  I respect that.  But I did not want to force my daughter to eat food that she didn't want. 

 

My mother was the same way.  I often spent HOURS sitting at the table refusing to eat.  I think similar issues were behind it - she grew up poor but we were also poor so a double whammy.

[MrsMommy]

I used to have rules. If you didn't eat what I served, no dinner. But I ran into a problem, because my oldest would vomit at some point before breakfast if he hadn't had dinner the night before when he was younger. And my youngest is like that, too. So, if they don't like the dinner I have made, they are free to have a cheese or jelly sandwich, because nobody wants to be cleaning up vomit.

[AmandaVT]

I don't do food battles. That said, DS isn't super picky, but he does have some strong preferences. 

 

He likes veggies, plain. He doesn't care for oil/butter, sauces, etc. He'll eat them in soups or casseroles, but if I'm making a side of veggies, I just pull his out before I sauce what DH and I eat. 

 

This time of year, DH and I eat salad for dinner almost every night. DS doesn't love lettuce, so for him, I cut up all of the rest of the veggies and put them on a plate and use the rest as salad toppers for DH and me. Then, I'll serve the rice, tofu, cheese, etc. on everyone's plate. 

 

If I serve something he really doesn't care for, he'll try it and then if he chooses, he can make himself leftovers or a sandwich or something. Thankfully that doesn't happen too often.

 

I don't tie dessert to what people eat at dinner. I usually have a bowl of dark chocolate (right now, Dove promises w/ almonds) and he can have 1 or 2 after dinner, regardless of what he's eaten. And once a week during the summer, we go out for ice cream. 

[lllll]

nm

Edited July 25, 2017 by tentwelve

[Plink]

I have a child on the spectrum, so rules have to be all or nothing here.

 

Our unwritten standard: Everyone eats together at the table for as many meals as possible - generally 2 per day. The table is set with knives and forks properly placed before the meal is served. Nobody takes a bite until after the prayer and after everyone is served. You do not have to take some of everything, but you do need to eat whatever you place on your own plate if you want sweets or snacks later that night. Veggies are non-negotiable (we intentionally went through lots of food exposure training when the kids were toddlers and I'm lucky to now have adventurous eaters). Nobody leaves the table until everyone has finished eating except for scheduled events or whenf the adults decide to make coffee last an hour.

 

That said, if either Mom or Dad are traveling we throw all the rules out the window at least once, and will eat pizza on the living room floor in our pajamas, just for fun.

[Reefgazer]

The only hard and fast rule in our household is no electronics at the meal table.  Other than that, it's kind of "here's dinner, eat it or don't'".

[FaithManor]

Main rule. Mom who cooked it, and dad who pretty much funded it on his own, get their plates first. Then the velociraptors, ahem, I mean the 17, 19.5, and 20 year old can descend on the food after that.

 

Picky eaters cook for themselves...that would be the 20 year old though usually it isn't the main dish that is the issue, but the sides. I am not dealing with that, and the boy is old enough to make his own sides since I serve a lot of salad and green veggies, and he is a potato red/orange veggie man who really does not like much of anything green.

[Χά�ων]

Just the standard one for anyone living with teen boys: Do not eat all the food before the parental units get to eat!

[Frances]

My Mom had a "you don't leave the table until you've cleaned your plate" rule (and we were required to put some of everything onto our plates) and I hated it. I understand it better now. She grew up poor, so to her it just seemed wasteful. I respect that. But I did not want to force my daughter to eat food that she didn't want.

 

I also, however, didn't want her to be a picky eater - though I honestly have no idea if that's a nature or nurture issue. But I thought I would do what I could for the "nurture" end of things. So my rule was that she had to try one bite of any new food that she hadn't tried before. If she didn't like it, there was no judgment, no issue made of it at all, just move on and eat the other things offered. She was welcome to help herself to anything in the fridge or pantry if she didn't want what that was being offered, but she had to prepare it herself.

 

I think it worked out pretty well, though I realize that is more likely do to her personality than my parenting skills! She's very open minded about food, and loves trying new things. She's appreciative of what's offered, and thanks me for every meal.

This sounds very much like my approach with my son with the same result. As a formerly normal picky eater, I wish my parents had used the one bite approach. There were so many good and healthy foods I never even tried until after I was married. Also, unlike when I grew up, we rarely have dessert and don't have multiple carbs with every meal, so you can't really fill up on simple starches.

 

My son loved to shop and cook and so from a very young age understood the work that went into meal prep and was always very appreciative. I have to admit that I didn't as a child, and to this day I regret some of the things I said to my mom, who is a wonderful cook.

[DesertBlossom]

I don't have strict rules about anything. But I do plenty of stern coaxing to try new foods, while offering side dishes I know the kids will like. I may tell a child it's "take or leave it" and then choose to ignore a before bedtime snack they get themselves. Thankfully most of my kids are awesome eaters and think I am an amazing cook. It's just the occasional new food that they aren't used to.

[bolt.]

We have an "acceptable substitute" for each food type. Children are expected to be polite, ask to substitute, and do the work themselves.

 

Acceptable substitutes are designed to be 'better than a disliked food, but not terribly appealing'.

 

Our sub list is:

Protein = microwaved egg or egg white

Starch = toast or bread with butter (not jam, on, cream cheese, etc)

Veggie = anything raw that needs no prep (carrot, cucumber, snap peas) or maybe an apple if we are low on finger veggies.

 

If there are leftovers from a previous supper, that's ok too.

 

Children who don't try a bite of each offering are not required to do so -- but no dessert is provided for those who won't at least try. (Known and truly disliked foods are excluded from this rule.)

Edited June 8, 2017 by bolt.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Then the velociraptors, ahem, I mean the 17, 19.5, and 20 year old can descend on the food after that.

 

 

 

:lol:

[HTRMom]

I used to have rules. If you didn't eat what I served, no dinner. But I ran into a problem, because my oldest would vomit at some point before breakfast if he hadn't had dinner the night before when he was younger. And my youngest is like that, too. So, if they don't like the dinner I have made, they are free to have a cheese or jelly sandwich, because nobody wants to be cleaning up vomit.

I vomit like that myself! It's hypoglycemia. Have you ever done a blood sugar test for them? It's a risk factor for diabetes.

[EMS83]

The only hard and fast rule in our household is no electronics at the meal table.  Other than that, it's kind of "here's dinner, eat it or don't'".

 

I'm pretty darn hypocritical on that score.   :o  Need to work on that, really.  They're getting too old for it to slide.

[TheReader]

We're in the no rules category. Like Regentrude, I make mostly modular meals vs one pot meals, and I try to have some aspect of it be something each person will eat. 

 

So, rice or noodles (the picky eater loves both). A meat of some sort (the picky eater will eat meat w/o sauce); if I'm doing sauce cooked on, I will leave some plain for him (ex: if I make BBQ chicken legs, brushed w/BBQ sauce and baked, I just don't put sauce on 2 legs); if I'm adding a sauce later, I will serve his plate and then put the sauce on the rest. Veggie, he'll eat broccoli, sometimes carrots, and sometimes corn. I try to have one or the other at most meals, or serve him sliced fruit instead. He eats a lot of fruit, and we keep carrot sticks for snacks, too, so this seems okay to me. 

 

When there were fewer things he would eat, we would allow him a pbj or meat & cheese sandwich instead; all my boys (and myself) are on the very ultra thin side, and picky eater and myself both sometimes (him more than me) don't feel hunger cues or remember to eat, so withholding food "until you're hungry enough to eat it" would never work here. 

 

Also, my kids' first pediatrician told me once to not look at their diet per day, but per week or so (talking about toddlers, but I've kind of kept that in the back of my mind). It helped me adjust my thoughts on their food intake...if they didn't get enough protein at dinner, did they over the course of the week? Usually, yes. Okay no worries then. 

 

 

[marbel]

I was never comfortable forcing my kids to eat, and equally so when at someone else's house and they forced their kids to eat.  I don't recall my parents ever forcing us to finish food.  I do remember that when my mom made liver and onions for dad and herself, she made us a separate dinner.  I grew up to be an adventurous eater and while I have my preferences, I am the least picky person in my family now.

 

My kids are and were fairly picky.  They are getting better. I do encourage sampling food, even food that has been disliked in the past because tastes do change.   I used to withhold dessert until I read somewhere that if dessert is a part of dinner, even children who don't eat everything else should get some - don't make dessert a reward, or the most desirable item on the menu.  That doesn't mean I give dessert even if nothing else is eaten. But they eat a reasonable amount of offered foods, and/or get something for themselves, then they join in with dessert. We don't have dessert all the time.  

 

ETA: One of the problems with making kids eat whatever I make is... I make everything and I typically don't make things I don't like unless someone requests a particular dish that they want that I don't. But just as I have things I like and dislike, so do my kids.  The cook has everyone else in the house at their mercy.  Of course a solution is to learn to cook, but it's not always practical for everyone to cook their own meals.  I try to cook according to everyone's taste when I can. 

Edited June 8, 2017 by marbel

[Jaybee]

Mine still at home are teens, and not picky eaters. About the only rule is that if you don't like the green vegetable served (usually cooked broccoli), then you need to get another green vegetable from the fridge to substitute. And there are sometimes limits on the amount of some dish, because...teen boys.

[MrsMommy]

I vomit like that myself! It's hypoglycemia. Have you ever done a blood sugar test for them? It's a risk factor for diabetes.

 

Everything came back normal...it's just their thing, I guess.

[City Mouse]

I grew up in a house with food battles. I think my brother is undiagnosed AU, and he had a lot of issues growing up. The yelling, screaming, clean plates that often resulted in vomiting left horrible memories even though I was not picky and would anything i was given rather than get in trouble.

 

I absolutely refused to do that to my kids. I cook what I want and they are welcome to eat or not with no hard feelings on my part. they learned at a young age how to heat stuff up in the microwave.

[mamaraby]

I don't have picky eaters. The one hard and fast rule is "Eat what you want, leave what you don't." Other than that, be respectful of the work that others have put in to making the meal. Don't carry on about how you don't like it. If you don't like it, it's ok to say "I don't care for it" along with a thank you.

 

If you're my youngest, then we ask that you please eat more than just fruit because we all would like to eat fruit, too. Oh, and use your fork for goodness sakes.

[Zinnia]

I have one very picky, two average picky, and one good eater.

 

I serve meals with side dishes. There is always something everyone likes (my picky kid likes salad and rice; we have those 6 nights a week). I don't make 2 meals, and they don't get alternates (with the exception of for one "most hated" meal per person). But there is always something on the table they will eat.

 

If we have a few meals where I notice that the picky is only eating rice and bread, I try to mix up the meat and veg to things he likes in the next few meals.

Edited June 8, 2017 by Zinnia

[wintermom]

I don't have picky eaters, so I'm lucky. Or maybe we're all kind of picky in the same way. I'm not a lover of casseroles and neither are my dc. We tend to do modular meals, as a PP mentioned. Lots of variety of raw and/or steamed veggies, pretty plain potatoe/rice/tortilla, and simple meat.  Seems to keep everyone happy enough. 

 

The only time I ever tried to force the dc to "just try one bite" was when I made a special rice pudding which took hours to make. They wouldn't budge. I should have saved my breath and simply said, "Perfect. Lots more for me!" 

Edited June 8, 2017 by wintermom

[rocassie]

My one and only strict rule is that I will only cook ONE meal.  If you don't like what I make, make something yourself.  Granted we don't have to deal with allergies, nutritional issues, medical issues, etc.  I generally consider dessert as part of dinner, you don't want to eat the dinner I made that's fine, but dessert is part of dinner.  If dinner happens to be something that I know one of the kids really detests, I will usually allow them to have dessert if they make/get themselves a well-balanced meal so I can be lenient on that issue.

 

Also, each kid helps me with one dinner meal a week usually they get to help pick what we are having for dinner.  This way they learn skills as well as having a say in what we are eating for dinner.  
This has helped our household quite a bit on the complaining about meals, at least for now.

[Garga]

I'm tired of the term "picky eater." I am a picky eater. I'd rather say that I can't tolerate some foods. I mean, if I was starving I could eat them, but it'd be like someone offering you monkey brain stew or centipede salad. You could do it if you had to, but you'd hope you never had to. It's a source of frustration to me. I go to restaurants and there are only 2 or 3 items on the menu I'd even consider eating.

 

My oldest son is the same way. The youngest isn't honestly picky, but he was a monkey-see monkey-do younger brother. So if his older brother wouldn't eat it, neither would he. It was a lovely show of solidarity and brotherhood, but man, was it frustrating!

 

For my oldest, I remember the time I tried to serve him the same food for every meal to see if he'd finally get hungry enough to eat it. I finally gave up after the third day where he missed a total of 9 meals and he was getting weak and pale. I felt like a monster doing that, but that's the sort of thing people will tell you to do. He never caved and ate the food. I was the one who caved. And I'm glad I did. I think it was horrible to starve him trying to force him to eat.

 

We're coming out of a long, dark tunnel and things are better than they've ever been. The youngest is realizing he actually likes a lot of foods and is willing to branch out now even if his older brother doesn't like them. The oldest is slowly expanding his palate and also trying a limited number of new foods. He just ate some chicken fajitahs the other day and it was a HUGE moment for us.

 

It took years, but eventually the boys had a few breakfast foods they liked, a few lunch foods they liked, and finally just a year and a half ago, we came up with 7 dinners that we all liked. So, they eat those same foods over and over and it's been going well. We'll be able to add the chicken fajitahs to the dinner roster now, so we have 8 dinners we all like. (Yes!)

 

If I could do it over again, I'd do my very, very best to try to track down the foods they like to eat early on and offer them. No shaming or pressuring or fighting over food. I remember eating a tuna fish sandwich and potato chips for my school lunch every day from 3th grade to 12th grade. Every day. For a decade. When I first got married, we ate tuna helper and spaghetti every other night. We went out to eat twice a week in between our tuna helper and spaghetti. I've come a LONG way. And I see my oldest coming along as well. He'll never love all foods, but he will be able to eat more than just 7 or 8 items, which is how it was just a couple of years ago. was in constant stress worrying about his health, because most of the 8 things he would eat were things like fishsticks and chicken nuggets.

 

I did cut a deal with him that if he would drink that V8 juice (not the tomato kind) that has a serving of fruits and veggies in each cup, then I wouldn't force him to eat fruits and veggies. So, we still measure out that 1 cup every day at lunch and he drinks it. He has never eaten a piece of fruit and has only eaten veggies a few times ever. I also got a chocolate milk protein drink for him that I give him from time to time.

 

Bottom line: I would handle it delicately. If it's not a true pickiness, then I'd insist on the trying one bite thing. But if they puke up that bite (like when my son puked up the single elbow macaroni noodle I had him try), then you have a serious picky problem and forcing the issue won't help. Whatever you decide to do, keep it gentle. Know that a lot of us are in the same boat. It often gets a bit better as they get older. But always, keep it light and gentle and try not to make it a big issue.

 

Here are our dinners if it helps any:

Spaghetti (one boy eats red sauce with meatballs, the other puts Hormel chili on his)

Tacos (the boys only have meat and cheese on theirs. I'm going to try having them put some salsa on soon. I think they're ready for mild salsa.)

Fish (sticks if necessary, but I make some fresh fish from time to time, though they barely eat it)

Homemade pizza

Meatloaf (but not for me, because meatloaf will make me heave...I eat soup on meatloaf night)

Some sort of beef (a stir fry over rice or roast beef)

Some sort of chicken (has been baked or breasts in the pressure cooker, but now I can add fajitahs!!!!)

 

Breakfast:

Eggs PLUS

Sausage OR ham OR bacon

Youngest just discovered strawberry/banana/yogurt smoothies and has been eating those plus a sausage. This is new.

 

Lunch:

Swedish meatball Smart Ones meal OR

ramen noodles OR

Hotdogs

 

Yeah...lunch is weak. That's when they drinks the V8 juice and will have a little side of Greek yogurt.

 

I'm actually pretty proud of all the foods my oldest eats now. We've come a very long way. We have a ways to go, but I'm not stressing about it like I used to.

 

 

ETA: Since my youngest likes more than my oldest, especially stews and soups, I'll make a big stew or soup as well as the regular dinner and then let the youngest eat it. I'll freeze the rest and pull it out for him for lunch every now and then as well. And there are two casseroles that I sometimes add: one boy likes casserole A and hates casserole B and vice versa. When one boy is at a friend's house, I'll make the casserole that the boy at home likes for dinner.

Edited June 8, 2017 by Garga

[happypamama]

I'm going to say that I have largely non-picky eaters, and I honestly have no idea how that happened. I think it's just luck of the draw. They all have a few things they don't like, but so do dh and I, so I figure that's acceptable. My teenager has been vegetarian (not vegan, thankfully) for about nine months now, and the only rules I have for her are not huge amounts of soy (she likes veggie or bean burgers but isn't interested in tofu) and that her meals can't cause me extra trouble. I will happily save out pasta and spaghetti sauce for her, for instance, or take out a portion of something before we add bacon, but sometimes I cook the chicken and add the rice directly to it to cook and can't really reverse the order, so she has to cook rice separately if she wants some. She's a pretty non-picky water anyway and has always liked most vegetables, so she manages pretty well. My pickiest boy is also generally my most adventurous eater, which sounds oxymoronic, but in reality, it means he has some specific things he really doesn't like but likes most everything else and will generally try new stuff, especially if dh says it's good. The other boys eat most things, although some days they eat a ton, and others days they seem to live on air.

 

I generally don't make a lot of one pot dishes, so people are free to take just the things they like. They can make a cheese or peanut butter sandwich or eat yogurt or leftovers too if they make it. I will leave off a portion of something but won't make a separate meal. (Unless it's something that I know really isn't their thing -- dh and I like spicy food, but they don't always, so I'll make something else for them, or we will eat steak, but the little guys find it hard to chew, so I'll make burgers for them.)

 

My one rule is that you, and that goes for everyone, don't get to take more of the favorite part of the meal because you didn't feel like eating another part of it. Like, if we have fresh bread for dinner (rarely), I don't care if that's the only thing you eat, but you can't have a zillion helpings of it because you didn't want the meat or veggies. With a large family, I do need to make sure that helpings of favorites are somewhat balanced. I've been known to refuse second or third helpings of milk until some actual food is eaten because one little dude here is a milkaholic.

 

But generally, that's really about it.

 

Also, I let them order from kids' menus at restaurants. We don't do restaurants terribly often, so they can eat "kid food" if they want it, since we don't really eat it at home. They've also managed to do just fine at Indian restaurants or Chinese buffets though. They all like pizza, although they're not terribly discerning and will take cheap pizza as happily as gourmet pizza, and they all get excited if I make homemade sushi.

Edited June 8, 2017 by happypamama

[zoobie]

1. No electronics at the table.

 

2. No insulting the food. Say no thank you but not anything about food someone else has cooked and purchased for you being gross or yucky.

 

I strongly encourage "no thank you" bites, but I'm not getting into a power struggle over it. I can't imagine anyone suddenly going ape for broccoli after being forced to eat it.

 

I usually make everyone's plates in the kitchen, so I ask what they want of the options available. DH and I try to eat lower carb, so it tends to be modular as PP described it.

 

One DC doesn't like meat. Refuses it. Refuses even meat broths. She's still very young, and we are figuring out what to do about that to make sure she gets enough fat and protein (as she is 3 and mercurial with her other food preferences). One hates salmon. He's tried it a variety of methods and truly loathes it. So I either throw in a chicken breast or offer him something leftover if I haven't been able to work in an alternate. One prefers spinach to romaine in salads. Not a big deal to me to throw one in a bowl instead of another. One doesn't like browned, roasted vegetables. So at the last stirring point, I pull some out on a plate.

 

If someone is hungry after dinner, eat real food (not chips or cookies or ice cream). If we have a planned dessert, that isn't affected by what you did or did not eat at dinner unless you were a jerk about it. Then you're excused from the table.

 

If you want more of something, finish what else is on your plates first. Don't ask for more pasta then say you're too full to eat the broccoli type deal. The only times I've wrapped a plate and given it back to them would be when they asked for more or served themselves more and then refused to eat it. That irritates the crap out of me and is wasteful. I remind them at lunch that they need to reheat their leftovers instead of making a sandwich.

 

I dreaded dinners with my dad and stepmother much of the time because she was a terrible cook and I had no choice of what went on my plate. I was so happy when I was old enough to get a job after school and manage not to be home at dinner time! I don't want my kids to dread spending time with me, and I truly enjoy cooking and feeding people well.